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nick1990: citalopram crap

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nick1990

Hey Tom mate,

 

Yep your right I’ll get through this fine , the trouble is passing the time when your not feeling well. I know deep down that in the near future I’ll be looking back on this thinking what was all the fuss about..

 

Ive been unemployed for 3-4 months now just cruising through each day and I’d say that’s not helping at all with my mood . 

 

I am busy for the next next couple of days which is good and am job hunting now. I know from prior experience that being busy is very important in terms of feeling better mentally and emotionally. 

 

Where in NZ are you based Tom ? 

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Tom37

Hey,

 

Definitely hard when your in the midst of it to think all will be normal again. I struggle with that on occasion and today is one of those days but tomorrow should be a better day.

 

Im down in the Hawke’s Bay which is a pretty relaxing place to be during this. We may not have awesome surf beaches like where you are but we have some decent ones. Have found the beach such a good place to relax and makes you feel so calm during all this so there often.

 

Good of luck on the job hunting but don’t let it get you down if it takes a while to get something and make sure it’s the right job for your current wd situation.

 

You will be fine just think of how awesome post wd life will be for you! And just remember that going through this is the biggest test you may ever face so be proud of yourself for how your dealing with it.

 

 

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ChessieCat

Copying this here for your own reference:

 

4 minutes ago, nick1990 said:

I will chime in on this one . After crashing and stabilising I definitely, certainly returned to feeling my normal self pre crash , with a bunch of new skills and mindsets . And then as I tapered lower, slowly , my WD normal improved through the process- i.e I was feeling better as I got lower. Definitely had some WD symptoms tapering slowly but they were manageable and short lived. 

I know all we want when we feel bad is reassurance on every level . It’s the anxiety. But honestly Tom , give it time mate & I see no reason at all why you won’t get to that place of light .

 

I haven’t “crashed” as such now, but am just going over a speed bump, a bit of a rough one as well  - but I’ve had the same thoughts , i swear it’s a WD symptom. However I am trusting in the process and know I’ll be fine . Mindfulness and learning about anxious thinking can help a lot and is something you can apply to life after all this WD stuff is over and done with 😊

 

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Tom37

Cheers  for that post Nick.

 

I asked that question not just for myself but for the others here going through the same thing.

 

It will give them (and myself) a lot of comfort and hope that you can return to feeling ok/good once stable.

 

Thanks again.

 

 

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Dejavu

I am grateful for your post as well, @nick1990. Having a very tough day today in particular. Still waiting to stabilize after 9 weeks and losing hope. As soon as one symptom calms, another new one pops it's ugly head up. Haven't had a real window since reinstatement. I don't care if it takes me forever to taper - I'll take it as long as I can function in the meantime. Right now, dizziness, weakness and tremor are making any semblance of normalcy almost impossible. Rooting for you too @Tom37!

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nick1990

Well im trying my best to stay off the forum at the moment and focus on my healing as I know that reading and re-reading isn’t helping in the long term.

 

Too be honest, I am struggling on an emotional/mental level. The neuro emotions are rampant and have been consistent almost for 2 weeks now. I think it’s just been an extended wave from having a very busy start to the year. I’ve had a day or two where I’ve felt pretty OK and not as symptomatic, and some hours of some days where I feel almost normal, but the anxiety and depression element has been horrible when it keeps returning.

I’ve been through it before and it’s not as intense as it has been in the past -  maybe a 3-4/10 on the bad days. But it’s still really tough.

 

I seem to be waking up between 630-830 depending on the light and feeling quite anxious first thing . This then tends to ease and I feel ok for a bit of the morning . Then by midday I feel a bit off, anxious, low mood, OCD thoughts. Typically by late arvo it eases and I feel relatively normal but wiped out. I sleep pretty well and then repeat the next day. 

This all started 13 days ago and hasn’t really let up since , although there has been some variation . 

Does this sound like it’s just an extended wave ? 

 

Any insight or words of advice would be great. 

Cheers, Nick. 

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Flowers

Hi Nick

 

I am no expert but the one thing I have learned in WD is that symptoms can change and take on different patterns which makes us think something different is happening and looking for answers!

 

You are  waking early with anxiety which is probably related to cortisol levels which are higher in the early morning. Alto has suggested using black out blinds or curtains to keep the light out of the bedroom - I did this and it has helped.  

 

It can be a pattern for some in WD that they feel better as the day goes on. If you have been battling WD symptoms all day it's no wonder you are wiped out in the evenings so it's probably best to rest. 

 

From my experience I would say that all the symptoms you have are from being in a wave. It is good that you are getting a bit of normality in the mornings so you get a break from it for a while.

 

You are doing well and asking the right questions on here.  When these waves drag on it is only natural to wonder what is going on.  When you are anxious or depressed can you pop out for a short walk somewhere - nothing too energetic! It helps me a great deal and clears my mind being out in the fresh air. 

 

I hope things settle down for you soon Nick.  Thinking of you.

 

Love and hugs

 

Flowers xxx

 

 

 

 

 

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nick1990

Hello lovely flowers ! 

 

So so nice to hear from you - I hope your doing well , I really do . 

 

Thank you, I will check out the black out blind situation 😊

 

The light walk exercise sounds like a really good idea , I will give that a go ! Thank you!

 

You are so right , this is just another wave , another aspect of healing !

 

It was a teary morning , feeling very pessimistic but this afternoon I am feeling so much better. Wiped out, but almost feeling calm and relaxed. My mind isn’t going crazy either. I’d say I’m feeling 90%  normal this afternoon which is great.

 

Just another wave, that’s all it was. 

 

Love and hugs to you flowers !

xo

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Flowers

Hi Nick

 

So glad that you have had a better day after a not so good morning.  Horrible how days can be so different hour to hour and starting days feeling low and anxious is just awful.  That seems to be the nature of this beast though doesn't it?

 

Good that you are going to give blacking out your room a go - I hope it helps.  Walking always lifts my mood and although it is tempting to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head when waking up to anxiety etc I get up and out for a while and it always works!

 

I am OK thanks Nick - having trouble with a benzo grrrrhhhh! - Shep is helping me get sorted out. Thank goodness for SA!

 

Hoping today is even better for you.

 

Hugs

 

Flowers xxx

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jozeff

Hi Nick, I hope you will be in a window soon!

 

These feelings changing during the day is very recognisable. I feel pretty normal when I wake up but around noon I feel pretty lousy, anxious and depressed. This stays until dinner and most evenings are fine. The crippling depression is the worst. Likey head glowing and feeling warm from despair and evil thoughts.

 

You will have to be tough and hold on. You will reach a new window soon!!

 

Cheers

Jozeff

 

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nick1990

Hi all .

 

Was waiting to post as I didn’t want to get ahead of myself but let’s start this update on a good note. I’m pretty sure that I’m stabilising!

 

I want to explain what’s happening so that some of you who are going through this chaos have an understanding of what starting to stabilise feels like.

 

Let me first say , I’m not yet “stable” but I am more “stable” than I was a month ago . 

 

Its been about 5 weeks since I last had a significant level of panic/anxiety.

 

For the last 3 weeks I’ve been waking with some anxious feelings/ fear etc, but for the most part they seem to have eased off in intensity. I’ve also had more moments throughout the day in which I feel relatively good. 

 

Im still having symptoms (mostly mental/ neuro-emotions)  but they’re not as intense as a few weeks ago . 

I also think that although I’m having moments of anxiety/depression/OCD thinking , the swing from no symptoms to symptoms are not anywhere near as significant as they have been , e.g - I’ll feel relatively good , then I might have a wave but it’s not too bad, then I feel relatively good again. 

 

So I think stabilising is happening . I’m still not feeling great , and having some real trouble with OCD thoughts and some sensitivity to emotional stimulus but all in all, I’m pretty sure it’s slowly leveling out. 

 

 

 

 

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Tom37

Really good to hear Nick.

 

You have been in this situation before so I’m sure you know what stabilising feels like compared to us doing it for the first time......hope it continues to get better and better for you.

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India
On 12/26/2018 at 12:49 PM, bubble said:

Very happy to hear that! There's nothing more empowering than having your symptoms clearing WITHOUT adjusting the drug. That's so liberating. You might still be having ups and downs but things will settle.

 

I was feeling so desperate at the time I started listening to Tara Brach - stuck in the middle of a so far 5 year taper and having my functionality even more diminished. Shep just lifted me up by saying we can see this period as time of building spiritual muscles rather than time when we are deteriorating and approaching realization of our worst fears. The idea that we can be happy no matter what by accepting things regardless of how bad they are was so game changing for me. I'm so happy to hear it resonated with you too. She has a lot of videos and all the topics are so relevant for us going through WD.

 

Hope for more windows for you! 

That's beautiful 

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nick1990

Little update -

 

Been having some really good days , feeling calm and content.

 

still having the odd low mood/anxious day here and there but it’s not too bad and more just frustrating than anything else.

 

I don’t want to go against the grain here, but I wanted to note that I’m noticing more and more that certain things that are said to worsen WD might not apply to everyone.

Its becoming more and more apparent to me that this process is VERY different for everyone. And I too am noticing that I shouldn’t be clumping myself in and comparing myself to people who are suffering greatly here. This does not reduce the sympathy I have for anyone here who is struggling , just that we’re all in very different boats , so to speak.

With that in mind , browsing the forum (as full of information and great knowledge as it is for people who need help) is not helpful to me specifically. I have found it more to be a source of increased anxiety for me more than anything else. 

 

Here is what I have recently found helpful to my mood. 

 

Personally, I’ve found that for the most part - exercise in moderation is helping a great deal with my mood. 

 

Ive also recently started drinking coffee and I’m pretty certain that it’s improving my mood greatly. 

 

Ive been spending a few hours surfing the last couple of days - its been great . Warm water and I have more than enough energy to do 2-3 hours at a time. 

 

Been eating lots , huge appetite - spent half the day yesterday out on the boat in the heat catching plenty of fish for dinner followed by a quick filleting session once home and then straight out for a surf before dark. 

 

 

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Altostrata

Good to hear, nick.

 

Yes, we know everyone is different, but we have to start somewhere with our guidelines!

 

Exercise is generally good. Some of our folks are too sensitive for strenuous activity, but sounds like you have found an enjoyable and healthy level.

 

We have lots of members enjoying their coffee. Just take care it doesn't interfere with your sleep. Should your sleep break up, reducing caffeine probably would be the first step to improve it.

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nick1990

Been a really good week for the most part. Was away up north with the family staying at a beach house. Have surfed for 8 days in a row (might make it 9 today). Been feeling mentally /emotionally quite well. 

Been a bit grumpy at times with my family but that’s situational- didn’t have my own space . 

Quite exhausted now , no surprise - feeling a bit low , mood wise - to be expected , but all in all pretty chuffed with how I’ve been doing. 

Cheers, Nick. 

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Tom37

Good to hear Nick.

 

Hopefully it continues for you.

 

Try not to worry about periods of low mood etc especially when it’s situational and wd can definitely instensify them if still not quite stable.

 

Keep it up.

 

 

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