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Happy2Heal

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hi I can't find my original intro post (now merged to original) but long story short, I was on lexapro at a high dose 40 mgs/day for a long time, dropped down to 30 mgs for maybe a year? and then withdrew off it too quickly, not knowing it was too fast (I went slower than my doc told me to do it, but it was still too fast)

 

I found this forum, reinstated at a lower dose, proceeded to wean off more slowly.

 

Due to some unfortunate events, I ended up "jumping off" at 2.5mgs and reinstating did NOT work,  a single dose made me unable to walk upright, so since mid May, I have been OFF lexapro completely.  SO I have been totally OFF of lexapro since the middle of MAY 2016.  about 4 1/2 mos.

 

I have had some issues, but almost all of them were quite manageable and I felt very lucky.  the waves were short even at the beginning. as time passed, the windows were getting longer and the waves seemed almost non existent. Any of the problems I could identify as WD symptoms were very mild and didn't interfere with my daily life at all.

 

I still have some temp dysregulation- which is annoying, and some ringing in my ears, mostly at night. I am really not bothered by those two things very much at all. when they happen, I can reassure myself that I know it's WD and just carry on.

 

at the beginning of Sept,  I started at a gym and also started going to a yoga class and a mindfulness/meditation class. I almost immediately noticed that I was having trouble sleeping so I backed WAY off on the exercise. I injured myself in yoga and quit that too. I try to attend the meditation class when I have the money for it.

and I started therapy and have had 3 visits so far. Still too early to tell if she's going to be helpful or not but I'm hopeful.

 

I can't put my finger on any one thing that might have triggered this (although I suspect politics and exposure to bad news regarding global climate change and other things beyond my direct control are all factors in some way)

but I am experiencing horrendous anxiety attacks with a few bad but brief panic attacks thrown in.

 

I wake up in a cold sweat and my mind is filled with awful scary thoughts as soon as I am awake.  I have terribly night sweats and do not sleep well at all.

 

interestingly I now also  have some trouble with excessive yawning that does not seem related to lack of sleep. It is that terribly yawn you get when you are ON lexapro and when you first go OFF of it, but I have not had any issues with this excessive yawning til recently.

I am frankly so anxious that I am unable to navigate this site to find more info on how WD goes, like, is it a gradual lessening of symptoms or does what I am now experiencing come under WD OR is this some new issue unrelated to WD?  the anxiety is affecting my vision. It gets very blurry or I will simply not be able to focus at all to read or to sew etc. That really sucks, cuz then I get worried that I'm going blind (I know that's an irrational fear but it's still scary) and that just adds to the problem :P

if it makes a difference -I was originally prescribed  lexapro for depression, NOT for anxiety. A benzo was added to treat anxiety but I don't know if the lexapro was the cause of the anxiety. I suspect it was because I didn't go to the dr saying Look  I'm depressed and very anxious, I went in with severe depression.

 

I am dropping weight very fast although I don't think I"m eating any less. I think the anxiety is burning off calories.  I could also be eating less, I don't know, I am so anxious that I can't think straight half the time and have made semi-serious banking and other financial mistakes.

 

I did add a vegan version of fish oil for the omega fatty acids- could have have "activated" this issue?  I have stopped it out of fear that it's the cause.

 

I have had to take a tiny tiny fraction of some very old klonopin pills that I have from the past that I hardly ever used. they are 0.5mgs pills and I literally only bite off a tiny tiny bit of it, so the dose is small and the pills are at least 4 yrs old so I don't even know if they are effective at all any more.

 

can someone point me in the right direction for what to do to deal with this issue? and can I get some feedback on whether you think this is something un related to the WD that would need to be addressed as a new separate issue?

 

thank you so much in advance.

 

a very worn out catnapt in need of naps I can't have cuz sleeping is hard.

Edited by ChessieCat
Added merge note and removed additional spacing
  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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Hi catnapt

 

From reading your post you may have made too many changes too quickly.  How is your diet?  You mentioned in August that you had started eating some different things.  Has that continued?  Also, how hard were you exercising?  Did you start a few new things at the same time?

 

This has some interesting thoughts about overdoing different things in withdrawal:  Six Mistakes I've Made in Withdrawal

 

Sleep Hypnosis, Guided Meditations, Calming Videos

 

Sleep problems - that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

Light boxes for depression and sleep disorders

 

Withdrawal Symptoms - there is a heading Sleep Problems with links below it

 

And how is the kitty?  My cat is about to have her 18th birthday!

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post
  • Administrator

 

if it makes a difference -I was originally prescribed  lexapro for depression, NOT for anxiety. A benzo was added to treat anxiety but I don't know if the lexapro was the cause of the anxiety. I suspect it was because I didn't go to the dr saying Look  I'm depressed and very anxious, I went in with severe depression.

 

 

 

 

 

I have had to take a tiny tiny fraction of some very old klonopin pills that I have from the past that I hardly ever used. they are 0.5mgs pills and I literally only bite off a tiny tiny bit of it, so the dose is small and the pills are at least 4 yrs old so I don't even know if they are effective at all any more.

 

 

Hi, catnapt.

 

ChessieCat has given you some very good links to help with your symptoms.

 

And I wanted to ask about your benzo use. I'm also a benzo survivor, and my last benzo was Klonopin. It's an extremely potent benzo, In fact, your .5 mg Klonopin is equivilant to 10 mg of Valium. So even though you're only taking a "tiny tiny bit of it", you may be getting more than you think. Prescription meds may not be as potent at 4 years old, but it sounds like it is having some kind of effect. 

 

How long have you been taking Klonopin? And how many times a day? 

 

This is extremely important information, as we need to know if it's the benzo that's causing the problem or your other meds. From the extreme anxiety you're describing, I'm wondering about the benzo. 

 

Coming off both benzos and AD's is very difficult, but it's doable, catnapt. Hang in there.

 

Sending healing vibes your way.  Please let us know more information about your Klonopin use and we'll help you sort it out. 

Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

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if it makes a difference -I was originally prescribed  lexapro for depression, NOT for anxiety. A benzo was added to treat anxiety but I don't know if the lexapro was the cause of the anxiety. I suspect it was because I didn't go to the dr saying Look  I'm depressed and very anxious, I went in with severe depression.

 

 

 

 

 

I have had to take a tiny tiny fraction of some very old klonopin pills that I have from the past that I hardly ever used. they are 0.5mgs pills and I literally only bite off a tiny tiny bit of it, so the dose is small and the pills are at least 4 yrs old so I don't even know if they are effective at all any more.

 

 

Hi, catnapt.

 

ChessieCat has given you some very good links to help with your symptoms.

 

And I wanted to ask about your benzo use. I'm also a benzo survivor, and my last benzo was Klonopin. It's an extremely potent benzo, In fact, your .5 mg Klonopin is equivilant to 10 mg of Valium. So even though you're only taking a "tiny tiny bit of it", you may be getting more than you think. Prescription meds may not be as potent at 4 years old, but it sounds like it is having some kind of effect. 

 

How long have you been taking Klonopin? And how many times a day? 

 

This is extremely important information, as we need to know if it's the benzo that's causing the problem or your other meds. From the extreme anxiety you're describing, I'm wondering about the benzo. 

 

Coming off both benzos and AD's is very difficult, but it's doable, catnapt. Hang in there.

 

Sending healing vibes your way.  Please let us know more information about your Klonopin use and we'll help you sort it out. 

 

hi

I have had a standing Rx for klonopin for years.

However I RARELY take it.

that's how I have some that is so old. I fill the prescriptions because I'm afraid if I don't I won't get them any more.

that may sound stupid when I take it so rarely, but I just like to have the OPTION.

not having options makes me very upset.

 

 

so to answer your question since Jan. of this year, I have taken klonopin in a that same tiny tiny bit chipped off a 0.5mg tablet maybe er, 4 times? I don't know for sure.

 

in the past 10 yrs I have never ever taken klonopin on a daily basis, nor even on a weekly basis.

So maybe a little chip here and there, every 3 mos or so??

keep in mind, before going off of the lexapro, I was sleeping up to 20 hrs a day!! my PCP kept trying to send me to a shrink for "depression" although I repeatedly told her I was NOT depressed, just tired all the time and unable to stay awake

I now know I was severely overmedicated on 40mgs of lexapro!

 

since going off the lexapro, I had some severe insomnia to begin with but even then I only took a full tablet of the 0.5mgs a few times to help me sleep. My PCP gave me some blood pressure meds that I took I think one time, it did make me feel better but it did not help me sleep.

It was when I was looking up that drug that I found this website and the info on weaning off ADS

 

so, previous to this, I had no interest in ANY med or drug that made me more sedated than I already was. I wanted to go off my calcium channel blocker because it too can cause fatigue!!

 

I didn't need any help with sleep nor anxiety. I do need help with anxiety now but do not like anything that makes me feel sleepy or drugged. I abhor that feeling. I don't drink or smoke pot (have tried both in the very distant past, I'm now 60) and I hate the feeling from any of those things. hate it!!

 

so I hope that answers your question.

 

IN the distant past, I was on high doses of all kinds of meds, a super stupid high dose of seroquel AND 0.5mgs of klonopin three times a day plus lamictal and lexapro and oh lord I can't even remember now. I had a psychiatrist for over a decade who put me on all sorts of drugs and never reduced a dose, ever. Just added more and more drugs and higher and higher doses.

 

:P

 

makes me mad now, with what I am going thru but I thought he knew what he was doing. Since I was just 18 yrs old, I"ve been told over and over again how "mentally ill" I am, and how much I need all these drugs. I was started on an antipsychotic, stellazine! a phenathiazine!! what??? my diagnosis at the time was "adjustment reaction to adolescence" it doesn't get more benign than that, but i was shot full of heavy duty drugs right from the start.

it only got worse as time went on.

with more drugs came more diagnosis'es

 

to this day, I have no idea if i have, or ever had what they said I did: schizophrenia, atypical or affective type,  schizo affective disorder, bipolar disorder, psychotic depressions, PTSD (this is at least true, I DO have PTSD and it's pretty bad)

 

sorry I kinda got off the track there.......

so no, I dont have a problem with benzos LOL

 

but thanks for your concern.

 

I have to say, I'm surprised to hear that clonazapam is stronger than valium. I was given valium as a muscle relaxer and that stuff knocked me out cold, and for a VERY long time. It doesn't seem to leave your system for like, days! I can understand how someone would get addicted to valium, as it does seem to make you feel very relaxed, and if you don't mind the sleepiness, that would be nice I guess.

I do not get a relaxed feeling from klonopin. I just sometimes get a little less anxiety, if I"m lucky.

 

I have PTSD and I HATE feeling or being drugged and unable to react quickly, it makes me feel like I am in a potentially dangerous situation and/or, if I were in a crisis, I'd be screwed because I couldn't react fast enough.

Edited by ChessieCat
Edited obscene abbrev.
  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post

Hi catnapt

 

From reading your post you may have made too many changes too quickly.  How is your diet?  You mentioned in August that you had started eating some different things.  Has that continued?  Also, how hard were you exercising?  Did you start a few new things at the same time?

 

This has some interesting thoughts about overdoing different things in withdrawal:  Six Mistakes I've Made in Withdrawal

 

Sleep Hypnosis, Guided Meditations, Calming Videos

 

Sleep problems - that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

Light boxes for depression and sleep disorders

 

Withdrawal Symptoms - there is a heading Sleep Problems with links below it

 

And how is the kitty?  My cat is about to have her 18th birthday!

oh a kitty birthday!! that's a good old age for a cat, congratulations and Happy birthday to her!

 

my new girl is good!  I miss my Nell, sometimes I expect the new cat to do what Nell used to and when she doesn't, I feel pangs of grief but it's good they are different. Crispy is a good girl and very easy to please. Nell was NOT easy to please LOL

 

I have been changing my diet gradually over the past 4 yrs now I guess? from a diet of mostly sugar and junk to a diet of high nutrient value. (Dr Furhmans Nutritarian diet-style)

 

I did have a bit more sugar and had some severe sugar highs and lows from those so I got stricter about the diet. I am sure the pain and the crying jags were from the sugar, but now I am not so sure that the intrusive thoughts were diet related, as my diet has been very 'clean' in the past month or so.

I eat more beans and have more fat than the strict nutritarian diet calls for, but that's because I'm worried about how fast I'm losing wt.

the change is bothering me, it may be a good change but it's a change nonetheless. it may sound stupid to some ppl but i miss my extra layer of fat. I feel naked without it. so I have tried to slow down the wt loss. I checked my wt today, though and I"m still losing, but at least not as fast.

 

at the end of August when the days started to finally get a bit cooler, I had a mini high. In my past, my psychiatrist would have said that I was hypo manic- I had a euphoric mood, high energy, was making a lot of plans and spending a lot of money fairly recklessly.

 

I joined a gym (my insurance, it turns out, will reimburse me for it!!) and I started at a Sr  Center, going to classes esp a yoga class.

 

I did notice that this seemed to be too much, too fast, so I cut back on going to the gym (and now barely go one time a week and only use the treadmill for 15 mins tops, so I feel kinda stupid going at all)

I had to quit yoga after only 3 classes because I got injured and needed to start PT :P

I quit PT though because of the anxiety. I have to deal with ppl when I am feeling very anxious and a bit paranoid, so I just prefer to stay home and do my exercises by myself.  Not up to leaving the house that often, I dont' do transitions easily so going out even for an hour, takes up at least 4 times longer out of my day as i try to transition to doing other things

 

 

anyway what did you ask? and did I answer it yet? gotta check thru what you wrote...

OK I think I answered your questions

 

I have tried to quickly correct any mistakes I've made in activity level, diet, etc as soon as I realize I'm having trouble I didnt have before

 

this type of anxiety and intrusive thoughts scare the crap out of me. they happened before when I lost my psychiatrist and at the same time had to stop all my meds cold turkey because I had no replacement Dr

the place I ended up at screwed up all my meds and put me in a bad bad place. I don't recall how long I was off all meds in total but it's a miracle I did not kill myself then because I believed my brain was telling me to throw myself out the window.

 

I think that's when I begged my PCP to put me back on the lexapro.

 

I don't want to get to that point again but if I gets really bad, I don't know what other options I might have.

 

I am going to check out the other links you posted when Ive had some rest, thank you.

 

and will post more later

 

no worries, I have a standing promise to all of my family and friends, I do not want to die by suicide so if it gets to the point where I feel I can't protect myself from myself, I will make sure that I get to some place that can help.

sadly there are very few options in my area.

perhaps I should be looking into options now just in case

 

to be clear, I do NOT feel depressed.

it is the anxiety that is making me feel like I should 'end it all' to just avoid the horrifying images in my mind and the anxiety that I am close to death anyway but death in a horrible terrible way with great suffering

 

It doesn't matter that I know these are just thoughts coming from my mind and not based on reality, when they come they are the realest thing and the rest of the world literally disappears and I feel as if i am the only person on earth, the rest of the earth has been destroyed by global climate change or war, and I dont' want to live in that kind of terror so...

 

 

I hate this

but at least talking about it with ppl who understand is helping to make it feel a bit more manageable

 

thanks

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

"perhaps I should be looking into options now just in case"

 

Having a plan with phone numbers etc is one of things in the book I mentioned.  If you are putting people you know as contacts it would be a good idea to let them know so that if you ring up and say something like I'm struggling or having a hard time at the moment they will know what that means and you won't have to explain everything to them.  Perhaps giving them guidelines about not "preaching" to you but to ask questions (eg are you safe, is there anything I can do to help) and letting you talk.

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Here are some more ideas:

 

JanCarol likes the "legs up the wall" position - see Yoga for calming (very simple poses can help greatly)

 

Journalling - Therapeutic Writing & Health Benefits

 

Have you tried Magnesium?  Be careful that you don't use too much.  JC keeps a red bucket with epsom salts water available so she can soak her legs.

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Just to get back to the benzo, 

 

if you took 0.5 mg thee times a day in the distant past, it's possible that you are "kindled", which means that even small doses can have a big impact.

 

If you are kindled, other than benzos, there are other GABAa agonist. If you use them, you could have anxiety that lasts for days or weeks after stopping them.

 

Here are a few things that can trigger anxiety:  Caffeine, alcohol, progesterone, pain killers, opioids, high doses of Vit. B, beta blockers, prednisone.     

Listening to the news every two days instead is also useful.

I do not have a medical background, any opinions are my own.

 

I took zopiclone ( z-drug) for situational insomnia. Three weeks later I was having panic attacks. I was given Benzos, A/D, anti-psychotics, "mood stabilizers" and I kept getting worse and worse. I got very sick.

 

I have been off all drugs now for over 5 years and I'm healing nicely.

Link to post

"perhaps I should be looking into options now just in case"

 

Having a plan with phone numbers etc is one of things in the book I mentioned.  If you are putting people you know as contacts it would be a good idea to let them know so that if you ring up and say something like I'm struggling or having a hard time at the moment they will know what that means and you won't have to explain everything to them.  Perhaps giving them guidelines about not "preaching" to you but to ask questions (eg are you safe, is there anything I can do to help) and letting you talk.

I started to do this but was feeling better and didn't want to scare anyone. However I did mention it to my insurance company's special needs care manager, and she gave me a crisis line number I can call and reassured me that I do have my choice of going to the hospital where I feel safe vs going to the community mental health clinic where I don't feel safe (and ppl have been assaulted there, so, it truly is an unsafe place, they do not have sufficient nor well trained staffing there)

 

so there's that. :)

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post

Just to get back to the benzo, 

 

if you took 0.5 mg thee times a day in the distant past, it's possible that you are "kindled", which means that even small doses can have a big impact.

 

If you are kindled, other than benzos, there are other GABAa agonist. If you use them, you could have anxiety that lasts for days or weeks after stopping them.

 

Here are a few things that can trigger anxiety:  Caffeine, alcohol, progesterone, pain killers, opioids, high doses of Vit. B, beta blockers, prednisone.     

 

Listening to the news every two days instead is also useful.

 

 

thank you Wellness. I've been avoiding the news and just checking the weather online, that does make a difference!!

 

 

I'm interested to know more about this GABA agonist stuff....

 

oh dear lord, Did i mention this or not?

I forget and I'm too tired to read back thru, sorry-

 

I was given a prednisolone dose pack, where you take a high dose on day one and less each day. I was terrified to use it at all, because I had been on steroids back in May, I think it was, for a post pneumonia lung inflammation and the side effects of that were awful (it was prednisone, not prednisolone)

 

these seem to be less strong..? but I don't know. it was Rxed for spinal stenosis pain-

however, one day I took a half of on tablet (I dont' know the dose off hand but it's very small)

 

I was already having the intrusive thoughts and anxiety- but could that have made it worse?

damn!

 

for pain relievers, I am on celebrex daily but I try to go without it. I can sometimes make it to 3 or 4 days but then I have to take it again, the pain is too much. (i have spinal stenosis in at least 3 places plus DDD and SI joint dysfunction)

I am trying to avoid the epidural injections but i hear they may have fewer systemic side effects. Still I'd rather not do them at all If I can avoid it. I plan to put those off  forever if possible, or til the pain is severe, if it comes to that.

 

I am so afraid of taking anything or making any changes now.

 

I am feeling a bit less anxious and more connected/grounded.

 

I don't sleep well, but I do lay down and try to sleep for the same hours every night (sometimes I get tired and lay down around 10 pm and fall asleep only to wake up to the news, then I change the channel and go back to sleep or watch a half hour show and fall back to sleep)

I know it's not ideal but I can not get to sleep with the TV off. :P

 

when I wake up, like from night sweats (i am having drenching nite sweats) or if I need to use the bathroom, sometimes I will have a surge of anxiety, sometimes now, but if I do, I put my legs up over the back on the sofa (I have to sleep on the sofa cuz of my back issues)

 

I have had less severe anxiety when waking up so thats a big relief. I have cut way back on exercise and cut out a bunch of activities that were causing me stress (including physical therapy,I can do those exercises at home by myself, the stress of arranging transportation and getting there on time so I didn't get charged a fee, or having the driver not show up, it was too much stress. I understand they don't want any no shows but I dont' drive and depending on others can be a lot more stressful than doing something yourself, when you KNOW you can count on yourself)

but I digress...

 

anyway, I am doing better, thank you all for your suggestions

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

"I know it's not ideal but I can not get to sleep with the TV off."

 

I seems like you need background noise to help distract you.  It also seems like the TV may be waking you up.  The volume on the TV probably varies, and the brightness of what is on the screen does too.  Have you thought of using your own music or audio book or guided sleep program or meditation on a personal player?  You can set a timer for how long it runs for and probably wouldn't disturb you as much as the TV.

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post

"I know it's not ideal but I can not get to sleep with the TV off."

 

I seems like you need background noise to help distract you.  It also seems like the TV may be waking you up.  The volume on the TV probably varies, and the brightness of what is on the screen does too.  Have you thought of using your own music or audio book or guided sleep program or meditation on a personal player?  You can set a timer for how long it runs for and probably wouldn't disturb you as much as the TV.

hi

yeh it probably does, plus I still have issues with temperature dysregulation, so sometimes I am sweating and sometimes I get really cold

Music is very tricky, most of it can trigger memories that can trigger my PTSD or just trigger more anxiety

I have relaxation CDs and they used to put me to sleep so fast I never heard the end of them but now those trigger anxiety (it's like a reminder that I'm anxious, if that makes any sense....)

 

I am considering re instating a tiny tiny drop of liquid lexapro....

I am scared.

This anxiety with the dark and scary intrusive thoughts is where I got stuck the last time I went off meds.

It also happened many months out- I went cold turkey off meds due to losing the prescribing Dr and not being able to get another one. (I eventually got my PCP to Rx the lexapro)

 

anyway last time I was cut off in Feb and by that summer I was a  basket case, only with more physical issues than I have now, but the anxiety was about the same and just got worse and worse.

 

I am scared. I don't know what to do.

I do not sleep well at all but I do sleep some. Like for a half hour or hour and then I wake up. It seems the first hour or so after I lay down I get the best sleep, after that it's very restless and I wake up often and have a harder time getting back to sleep each time I wake up

I wonder if I was sleeping and getting the REM sleep and dreaming, if my brain could take care of the anxiety - I mean, isn't it during dreams that things get sorted in your brain?

I don't know what to do

 

I would appreciate anyone's thoughts.

 

I am considering valerian root but I recall I got some years ago and the smell of the capsules made me gag. so not sure about that, also not sure if it's safe,

just because it's "natural" doesn't mean it might not cause more issues, right?

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Here is the SA discussion:  valerian-root

 

Have you considered making a new sleep routine? You might want to start by write down any thoughts that are buzzing in your head, or write down what you have to remember to do the next day.  Have a relaxing bath, doing some yoga positions (eg legs up the wall), playing a music track which you find helpful or guided meditation.  It takes 2 weeks to develop a new habit (The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg).  Setting up a routine might help your body and mind to recognise that it is time for sleeping.  To start with you may not sleep but need to remind yourself that you are resting, and that resting is good.  I've just started an online Mindfulness and Meditation course, a year subscription provided by my employer.  I've done 3 sessions so far.  You are able to do a 10 day free trial https://www.headspace.com/register  

 

Also check out these:

  1. Acceptance
  2. Acceptance and Mindfulness
  3. Acupuncture - Posts #6 & #8 (not detox or stimulation)
  4. Claire Weekes' Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System
  5. "Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms
  6. Change cognitive framing - Redirect - Another Way
  7. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) for anxiety, depression
  8. Cognitive Behavior Therapy lessons
  9. Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms
  10. Yoga for calming (very simple poses can help greatly)

Sometimes making a bit of effort can make a huge difference.

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

And I forgot this one:  Journalling - Therapeutic Writing & Health Benefits

 

And you could try having a fan on for white noise.  You don't have to have it directed towards you.

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post

Here is the SA discussion:  valerian-root

 

Have you considered making a new sleep routine? You might want to start by write down any thoughts that are buzzing in your head, or write down what you have to remember to do the next day.  Have a relaxing bath, doing some yoga positions (eg legs up the wall), playing a music track which you find helpful or guided meditation.  It takes 2 weeks to develop a new habit (The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg).  Setting up a routine might help your body and mind to recognise that it is time for sleeping.  To start with you may not sleep but need to remind yourself that you are resting, and that resting is good.  I've just started an online Mindfulness and Meditation course, a year subscription provided by my employer.  I've done 3 sessions so far.  You are able to do a 10 day free trial https://www.headspace.com/register

 

Also check out these:

  1. Acceptance
  2. Acceptance and Mindfulness
  3. Acupuncture - Posts #6 & #8 (not detox or stimulation)
  4. Claire Weekes' Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System
  5. "Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms
  6. Change cognitive framing - Redirect - Another Way
  7. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) for anxiety, depression
  8. Cognitive Behavior Therapy lessons
  9. Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms
  10. Yoga for calming (very simple poses can help greatly)

Sometimes making a bit of effort can make a huge difference.

 

 

Hi

talk about suggestions! thanks. it's a bit much to digest all at once but I've been working my way thru, as my anxiety will allow (sometimes I get so anxious I literally can not see, nor feel my feet on the ground, I guess I dissociate or whatever that's called? I have severe PTSD)

 

I have changed my bed time routine- in fact there have been a lot of changes in my life recently, small ones but they had a big impact on the way I do things (stores closed where I used to shop, buses don't run the same times or go to the same places, people who were in contact with me are not any longer, etc)

 

I don't have any trouble falling asleep, it's staying asleep that's the problem. I wake up often.

I tried music and I tried my relaxation CDs that used to work, none of my old methods are working so I am looking for new things.

I noticed that white noise is soothing to me, when the refrigerator is running, I am more relaxed- when it stops, I notice immediately and my anxiety goes up. I can't run a fan but I will try to find some other method of providing white noise.

later in the winter I'll have a humidifier running most  of the time, that should help but wont' help me now.

 

I called the pharmacy and requested the liquid lexapro be filled. I will pick it up and just keep in the house. I don't intend to use it unless I can not find anything else that works and I get desperate.

 

of course I don't know if using the lexapro, even at a tiny bit, will make things worse, so that is another thing that holds be back from using it, besides Just not wanting to be on it at all. :P

 

 

The Dr Weeks link was very eye opening. I have been purposely downplaying my WD symptoms and trying to just ignore them when they happen, and that's been helpful I think.

This anxiety is not easy to ignore but what I was doing instead was trying to push the anxiety provoking thoughts away as fast as I could,

equating that with downplaying my symptoms,

thinking it was a good coping mechanism.

 

She talks about the first fear and the second one, and I guess I need to find a way to talk myself down...?? If I am understanding what I read?

 

like I said, there's a lot to digest and I haven't gotten thru it all yet but honestly, just having tasks to distract me is helping somewhat

 

One of my "fears" or anxious thoughts is about how I use my time, like is it the best possible use for it- so I have a hard time settling down to do any one thing and race from one thing to another,

I feel time slipping away too fast- and sometimes, time is seeming to go way too slow -Gah!!

 

I want to get outside of my head so I have been going out and trying to be around people, get involved in conversations, etc.

I have the hardest time when I am alone but most of my time is spent alone. I live alone, don't work, and have few friends, and NONE who like to get together to do things.

NONE.

I don't know what happened to ppl getting together but it just doesn't seem to happen much any more.

Being around people, esp ones I know, or talking on the phone, those are the most comforting things for me.

 

I joined the SR Center and was going there, but ppl go there for activities only, they don't really socialize much outside of those activities and they all cost money - money I don't have.

Indeed, having more money/income/resources would be a huge help, as one of my fears is about literally, being able to survive. Your options are so much more limited when you are poor.

 

 

sorry this is all over the place. I have not told anyone in my family that I am having fears of killing myself to escape the symptoms of WD

I did mention my problems to my therapist but she made some comment about how long I've been off the drug, and I took that to mean she does not believe that in WD symptoms lasting this long. I don't know, I didn't ask, she made the comment while I was focused on something else and I have not had a chance to get back to it.

I am afraid to ask her if she thinks I'm not in WD because #1 she's not a medical dr, and #2 even medical drs think long term WD does not exist and #3, what if she thinks this is NOT WD?

 

I mean, does it matter what she thinks? I know it is, that's the important thing. I think it would only make me angry to find out she's not a "believer".

If nothing else, trust that I know my body and I know this is not normal.

 

 

ok, I need to take a break. didn't sleep much at all last night, woke up with such severe anxiety I was having dry heaves this morning (sometimes I just have severe diarrhea :P I prefer that to the dry heaves)

 

I am trying to accept that this is withdrawal and will pass.

It's just SO hard when I'm in the middle of it, so very hard!

 

I can relate to this, written in the thread on Acceptance- except that my mind will go off to worry about the loved ones I leave behind and what it would be like for them and that throws me totally off of accepting that the panic means a fatal heart attack LOL

oh well.

 

 

 

Posted 05 January 2013 - 12:47 AM

I knew that awesome window was going to be short lived. After being super tired as in falling asleep while watching TV, I decided to go to bed a few hours earlier than usual and woke up about a half hour ago (11pm east coast time) to a racing heart, some sweating, and anxiety. None of this is new to me. I actually lived through it with PTSD ages ago and even while on the AD (side effect - one of the reasons I tapered off it). Headache too along with being very tired and wanting to sleep.

 

The way I practice acceptance of this is probably what most would view as morose. But I lie here and listen to my heart pound and come to terms with the possibility of death. I embrace it. I embrace the anxiety. I embrace the sweating. I think, 'oh maybe it's a heart attack' which given my current state of not caring if I live is actually pretty comforting. Then I just close my eyes and think how peaceful it would be to just die and not have to deal with any of this crap anymore.
  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post

as you can see in my signature, I 'jumped off' lexapro at 2.5mgs back in early May

 

I thought I was doing fine, but either due to taking some low dose prednisolone or I DON"T KNOW WHAT!
i'm having severe panic and anxiety attacks, many many each hour

 

i've got a suicide safety plan in place but I remember that there's very little that anyone can actually do,

if I went to the ER they'd just try to put me on some drugs that might make things worse

 

 

so, with that in mind, and feeling quite desperate, I refilled the liquid lexapro- fortunately there's stlil at least two bottles left on the RX

 

I got it home and now I don't know what to do.

I am trying to NOT take any, but IF I do, I want to do an extremely small dose

 

it's 5mgs per ml

I got a syringe that pulls up 0.1 mls and up,

what would the dose be if I  just took that tiny bit, the 0.1ml?

 

I have math anxiety on my GOOD days, so this is way over my head

 

 

and IF i do this, how long before I know if it was a mistake?

I did try to reinstate back in May but at a lower dose, I think 1mg, and It almost immediately made me so off balance and dizzy that I couldn't walk.

 

so I def am not going to try that much!


part of me just wants to put a tiny bit on my finger and lick it and see if that helps LOL
 

I just don't understand why I am having MORE trouble now than I did in the beginning but this has reminded me that when I was forced to go off Lexapro in the past, something very similar happened-

 

i was going along, doing ok but not great, til about 5-6 mos after stopping CT & then, WHAM I got hit with the severe panic attacks, and ended up begging my PCP to RX the lexapro for me

because I really didn't think I could survive the symptoms, I was feeling psychotic and terrified beyond the worst terror you can imagine

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
  • Administrator

catnapt, here is your Intro topic.

 

Are you still taking a benzo? That might cause surges of anxiety.

 

We don't know what would happen if you took Lexapro again.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to post

catnapt, here is your Intro topic.

 

Are you still taking a benzo? That might cause surges of anxiety.

 

We don't know what would happen if you took Lexapro again.

 

 

no after reading about how strong even a tiny bit of klonopin is, I decided I'd be better off without it

 

I've been trying to keep as many things the same/even/level as I can.

 

I have the most trouble in the mornings, sometimes I think If I could just sleep thru them I'd be ok but I doubt it would work out that way, eh?

 

I know you can't say what will happen, but based on all the experiences you've seen/read about here (which has gotta be quite extensive!)

what is your best guess?

 

and is it even possible to do such a tiny dose as a reinstatement?

 

I called the pharmacy to find out what it means when it says the bottle has a qty of 75 in it (it's liquid) and they said that's 75mls so it would be 30 doses at 2.5mgs which is where I ended up jumping off (by accident)

 

so if I take 1/10 of a mg daily, I've got enough to last a long time

My other worry is that I'd reinstate, at any dose, and run out. I do NOT have a dr who is willing to help me taper off this slowly.

 

I still have another 90mls on refill as well, so I'm trying to do the math to see how long this would last at a super low dose.

 

 

I am holding out as long as I can, Alto, but I am scared.

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
  • Administrator

Waking up often is a common sleep problem in withdrawal. Have you tried taking a little magnesium citrate or mag glycinate when you wake up? Or rub on a little magnesium oil?

 

Personally, I take 137mg mag glycinate, 500mg glycine, and 500mg taurine when I wake up at night. This seems to help me.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to post

Waking up often is a common sleep problem in withdrawal. Have you tried taking a little magnesium citrate or mag glycinate when you wake up? Or rub on a little magnesium oil?

 

Personally, I take 137mg mag glycinate, 500mg glycine, and 500mg taurine when I wake up at night. This seems to help me.

 

 

hi

I take magnesium daily for afib.  I have a super tight budget so I don't get the kind that is supposed to be the "best" - I get mag citrate and take 200mgs per day of that along with 200mgs of mag malate, although because I've had diarrhea I've only been using the mag malate

 

I forget which magnesium  the afib ppl say is best, but I think it is something like mag taurate? or maybe it's a combo of magnesium and taurine, I should look into this. (will do that as soon as I finish this)

 

 

I realized there were a few other changes, that seem so small to me, but maybe they made things worse too? (BTW I am doing a LOT better today, thanks to everyone for your help)

 

I ran out of biotin, I take that for my soft nails. Haven't had the money to buy more.

Then I ran out of chromium, same thing, no money to get more.

 

I was talking with a friend last night and mentioned cortisol spikes and she googled it and up came something about chromium helping with that, so maybe running out of it contributed to things getting so hairy, I don't know....?

 

I also started taking a vegan DHA supplement but as soon as I noticed trouble sleeping, I stopped that. (plus it smells funky lol)

 

I have a bottle of trace minerals with vit D-3- It was what I purchased BEFORE getting the chromium and biotin by themselves. It has chromium in it as well as this other mineral that's supposed to help with cortisol stuff- no clue how quickly that can "work" but in any case,

I figured I'd take a caplet of the mineral supplement last night and see if it helped.

I don't usually take this combo pill any more because it has some ingredient(s) that gives me a terrible stomach ache, possibly the calcium?

 

so, this is where I'm at now

Miraculously, I slept for THREE hours straight last night, from 12:45 to 3:45. I was so shocked to wake up and see the time! sleep after that was restless as usual but I did NOT wake up with the pounding heart, so something I did, is helping.

 

I now see the value in writing things down.

I wasn't doing so before for two reasons- #1 i really had fairly mild and very manageable symptoms til just recently!! and #2 I felt that writing it down was akin to focusing on the negative too much and not just enjoying when things are going well.

 

NOW I see that if I don't have a record of what I was taking and doing, and what symptoms I had, I won't know what might have made things go bad

and more importantly, I won't know what I did that might have potentially turned things around.

 

so I'll try to keep a better record of this stuff (record keeping is not my strong suit, for sure :P)

and I guess I'll add the supplements to my signature as well.

 

I'm asking a friend for a loan to help me get the chromium sooner and I will now go and look up the different magnesiums.

 

thanks for your suggestions, I appreciate it.

I have not taking any lexapro, but I am glad that I got it filled because it's like, just "there" as an option- A last resort, to be sure, but It's good to feel like there are options.

keeps the desperation down to a dull roar lol

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post

no idea if this could be a factor, but I also had a flu shot and the prevnar 13 vaccine on the 17th.....

 

 

 

 

today has been rough, had  wonderful window yesterday, wish  it could have lasted longer

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post

OK the 26th was just such a bad day, that I gave in and took a TINY amnt of the liquid lexapro.

Promise you won't laugh!

I took one half of one tenth of a mg (it's 1mg/mL generic lexapro liquid)

I felt a lot better yesterday but that may have more to do with getting out of the house early in the day and being around happy people, I don't know.

I took another 0.20mgs of liquid lexapro last night and had one of the best nights I've had in a long time, I slept for 90 mins and woke up CALM for the first time in a long time,

then went back to sleep for another 90 mins or so and only had some mild anxiety, crawled into bed (I normally sleep on the sofa due to my back issues) and was able to get to sleep and DREAM. Woke up in the middle of an odd dream and had some mild anxiety around that, but got up and distracted myself and here it is, well into the morning and I'm doing fine.

 

(anti jinx)
 

whether  it's jsut a placebo effect of taking the lexapro or a real effect of that tiny dose, I don't care.

I will stay at this dose for now, with no plans to increase

 

I have tried to find other reinstatement stories to see if anyone else has done it this way.

all the suggestions I saw were to reinstate at 1mg but since I have the liquid and can take less, this just seems a lot safer to me,

esp after the bad experience I had going to 2mgs after being off of the 2.5mgs for several days back in May.

 

I also restarted the chromium.

and I was able to eat a lot more yesterday, I've had no appetite so the lack of nutrients in my body wasn't good either.

 

still have early morning diarrhea but I have IBD

 

ok off to do something constructive!

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post

Hi Catnapt.

part of me just wants to put a tiny bit on my finger and lick it and see if that helps LOL 

 

Unofficially , I say whatever works. Is this what you did ? Post 161. 

 

You have been having a rough time and if you are feeling a little better then that's great. Lexapro is strong and that minute amount might just work for you.

 

Please keep notes on your symptoms in the meantime and we can see how you progress.

It's great that you have had some easing of symptoms.

Ali

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

Link to post

Hi Catnapt.

part of me just wants to put a tiny bit on my finger and lick it and see if that helps LOL 

 

Unofficially , I say whatever works. Is this what you did ? Post 161. 

 

You have been having a rough time and if you are feeling a little better then that's great. Lexapro is strong and that minute amount might just work for you.

 

Please keep notes on your symptoms in the meantime and we can see how you progress.

It's great that you have had some easing of symptoms.

Ali

 LOL no, I have syringes that measure out small doses (I use them for my pet rats, a dose like mine is common for them lol)

I figured it would contaminate the bottle if I just put it on my finger straight from the bottle.

 

 

I am very reluctant to write out my symptoms even though I now understand the value of doing it. It just seem like it might re inforce them in my mind somehow and make them last longer or something

 

no, not much of my thinking is rational lately. I guess that's a symptom...?

 

also I don't know how much of my difficulties are just from being who I am and how much would be withdrawal.

I've had issues all my life, so- I just don't know.

This will be the first time I'll be "un medicated" in a long long time.

Although as more time goes by of being off meds, the easier it is to recall times in the past when I went off meds and had similar issues.

 

anyway today has been one of my better days, only mild anxiety attacks. I'm very tired and can actually feel it now, as before I was so tense all I felt was the anxiety/panic and hyper alertness.

I have severe PTSD from long term abuse beginning pretty much in infancy, so that does complicate things I guess, or just make things harder, I don't know

 

no ringing in my ears today, I didn't even realize that's been almost constant for me until now, Now that is gone (anti jinx)

Please forgive my use of anti jinx, I think I'm developing a bit of OCD or something, I feel the need to not take any progress or improvement for granted in any way, so that's what the anti jinx is about

It's a kind of acknowledgement that I'm grateful and relieved and praying that it lasts....

 

I was able to read a little bit this morning and even cried a bit reading about some loss that reminded me of the loss of my 17yr old cat last November, that I was barely able to feel at all, at that time.

lexapro had numbed all of my feelings, it was like I didn't have any at all.

I could "think" sadness but I could not FEEL sadness

Now if feel it and it's good, it's sadness that is appropriate and not out of control or anything either. (one time when I stopped all meds CT due to losing my access to a dr who would Rx them, I had periods where I could not stop crying, and I had no idea what i was crying about, there were no thoughts or loss associated with the crying, it was so embarrassing)

 

anyway, I am bracing for another wave, and when it hits I will be back to record what happens.

For now, I am feeling er, almost 'normal'

and trying extremely hard to avoid doing anything that would upset this window

 

thanks so much for stopping by and posting! I really appreciate it

I feel badly that I haven't been keeping up with any one else's journey but to be honest, I am sure it would be too much for me  and would set me off so for now I must avoid triggers.

 

I also do not turn on the news, and found a radio station that only plays music and gives you traffic and weather reports NO other news.

I need to stay away from anything negative.

 

I am going to be taking my rats out to play soon, there are such joyful creatures that should help, as I feel the afternoon doing by slowly and am concerned that my mind will go back into dark places if I don't force it to focus on good things

 

again, thanks for your post!!

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post

Cat .  Don't feel alone. A lot of us have had issues in the past which is often why we ended up being medicated at the end of the day. For me , It was CS abuse. Everyone has their story , though.

 

I started on AD's after my third baby for apparent " Post Natal Depression". It was a case of a drop in hormones/ crying colicky baby/  no sleep /a move to central Australia with no friends or family and a husband who was absent due to work commitments leaving me alone for weeks and months at a time in the worst heat possible.

Who wouldn't be depressed ? However, I didn't need pills. I needed sleep and support.

 

It was a " life situation" that didn't need medication .

 

We live and learn. I love this quote :  Maya Angelou :

" I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better."

 

Hugs,

Ali

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

Link to post
  • Administrator

Hi, Catnapt.

 

I can relate to your post and to Ali's. Past trauma does make our journeys so much harder, but we can still make it through. In many ways, we come through it so much more empowered because of our past. It's the hero's journey.

 

There's a great book by Dr. Bessel von der Kolk on PTSD that explores the issue better than anything I've come across so far - The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.

 

He explores lots of non-drug ways of healing with trauma, as well as providing insight into exactly what is happening, as certain life events can leave life-long imprints on the mind and body. But it's something that we can definitely heal from.

 

 

I am going to be taking my rats out to play soon, there are such joyful creatures that should help, as I feel the afternoon doing by slowly and am concerned that my mind will go back into dark places if I don't force it to focus on good things

 

That sounds like a great distraction. 00038.jpg

I'm sorry to read about the loss of your 17-year-old cat. I lost my dog, the original "shep"herd during my journey off drugs, and I can so relate to how you described being too emotionally numb to feel much. You describe being able to "think" sadness but not "feel" sadness, such a great way of describing it. 

 

I also do not turn on the news, and found a radio station that only plays music and gives you traffic and weather reports NO other news.

I need to stay away from anything negative.

 

Nurturing your CNS by sticking with "calming" activities and radio stations sounds like a great idea. Have you seen this thread? Lots of "calming" and "nurturing" type of ideas:

 

Gianna Kali's toolbox for coping with withdrawal syndrome

 

Sending healing vibes your way. 

Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

Link to post

thanks AliG and Shep for stopping by and for your input

 

I am trying to keep track of my symptoms here,

I had a good day on the 28th, was so relieve that the worst of the symptoms improved on the tiny dose of lexapro I almost felt giddy

 

yesterday was not quite as good, it was a bit of a struggle, had some anxiety off and on but NOTHING like the panic attacks I was having before reinstating

 

today I have no appetite again and some nausea in the morning, I am fairly sure that's from going up from the 1/20th of a mg to 1/10th of a mg

but I think it was the right thing to do

Today I can breathe and I am just now realizing that for weeks, I have been physically Tight, all wound up with tight muscles etc unable to take a deep breath, my heart pounding often and esp early in the morning

 

that's stopped for the most part. a few very short episodes of panic feelings, very managable

I am feeling like I am more "in" my body now, I dissociate often (I believe due to PTSD) and now that i am in my body OMG It's so sore and so very tired

but still not able to sleep much

i do rest though, just lay down and read or watch tv and try to let my body rest

I would love to get some real deep sleep, and dream but.. well that will come some day I hope

 

 

so that's all i can do for now, gotta force myself to eat something and maybe lay down with the kitty for a while

 

thanks again to everyone who stops by here to give advice, support and an ear, it's a big help and very very much appreciated

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post

AliG, I love that quote by Maya Angelou (and I adore her, almost got to meet her but it didn't work, so sad she's gone now)

 

Shep, I will check out that book, sounds promising. I have been working on trauma issues for some time with different therapists, some with more success than others, and doing a lot of work on my own. I know I have actual body memories of some things, it's freaky. I also have different issues at different times of the year, related to past traumas. Thanksgiving to some time in January is an esp tough time for me and my siblings, due to trauma we suffered in early childhood.

 

but anyway, not a good day to be thinking about that

 

I wanted to add to my symptom list, one thing that is gone now that I have reinstated, is the ringing in my ears, that was worst at night.
I haven't noticed it at all since going up to 1/10 of a mg

 

edited to add: Just thought of another symptom that's getting better, the nausea and diarrhea is improving, seems to be an issue only first thing in the morning really.

 

I am staying on the 1/10 of a mg, split into two doses, morning and night, for as long as it is working out for me.

 

I actually feel asleep last night around 10pm and didn't wake up til 12:30, shut off the tv and went and got into bed, and slept off and on for most of the night. I woke up a few times, as usual but was not soaked in sweat and did not have the pounding heart, etc

I almost got scared at one point because I couldn't feel my heart beat, and I'm so  used to being able to feel it pounding in my chest, it was startling to not feel it.

 

my body has relaxed and breathing is a lot easier.

 

there are still moments when my mind starts to head to a dark place and I am fighting that, if that gets to be too big of an issue and I can't distract myself, I may try updosing a tiny tiny bit

 

as you can see, I really DO mean TINY lol

I am glad I did it this way, though, I think I would have had the same trouble as I did back in May when I missed a couple of days and then tried to go back on at 2mgs (had been on 2.5mg) I was so off balance it was intolerable.

I think if I'd done a much smaller dose, I would have been ok, but that's in the past. Just mentioning it, in case it can help some one else down the line

 

ok gotta take a shower and get going, got PT today.

 

thanks again for all your help guys, you rock!!

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post

just to keep track of symptoms, the morning nausea and mild diarrhea continue, still wake up often all night long but no longer have the pounding heart,

do have later morning cortisol spikes (after 4:30 am)

 

I wonder if I will ever sleep all night again lol

I do seem to be having a longer stretch of sleep before I wake up the first time. I'm trying to limit what I drink near bedtime so I don't wake up needing to use the bathroom so often

 

added 0.20 more lexapro yesterday mid day, my mind was drifting back into dark places and it just felt like the right thing to do

 

will be doing 0.10 mgs in the am and 0.2 mgs at bedtime and see how that goes, don't want to have to try to keep track of 3X day dosing, so today it was 0.10mgs in the am

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post

Cat. You will sleep again.  :)   I went nearly two years with next to no sleep  - ( a few cat naps)  LOL.  Now , I'm sleeping normally and sometimes almost too much. My record now is 11. 5 hrs. I guess I'm catching up for all those sleepless nights.

 

I have worked at it, though. Only one coffee in the early am. I switched to Rooibos tea ( caffeine free )  No sleep aids. At one point I used melatonin and it helped for a while to reset my clock / circadian rhythm but I didn't want it to " turn" on me so I quit it. Magnesium helped greatly at one point but I don't even use that now. 

 

I'm not sure of your dosing schedule. What is your plan?

Keep us up to date.

Ali

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

Link to post

Cat. You will sleep again.  :)   I went nearly two years with next to no sleep  - ( a few cat naps)  LOL.  Now , I'm sleeping normally and sometimes almost too much. My record now is 11. 5 hrs. I guess I'm catching up for all those sleepless nights.

 

I have worked at it, though. Only one coffee in the early am. I switched to Rooibos tea ( caffeine free )  No sleep aids. At one point I used melatonin and it helped for a while to reset my clock / circadian rhythm but I didn't want it to " turn" on me so I quit it. Magnesium helped greatly at one point but I don't even use that now. 

 

I'm not sure of your dosing schedule. What is your plan?

Keep us up to date.

Ali

 

Hi Ali, thanks for popping in!!

 

I better update my signature again, eh?

I ended up taking a 3rd dose of 0.20 mgs mid day yesterday as I felt my brain slipping into a very dark place again, it seems to help in just a few hours.

 

In fact, that first reinstatement dose of just 0.20mgs caused such great improvement in my anxiety, not just mental but the physical tension that was going along with it, that it felt like a miracle. and it happened in a matter of hours.

 

This makes me a bit worried, as relieved as I have been- this seems to point to the fact that I am now extremely sensitive to medications, this one for sure, and possibly all meds/drugs...?

 

so, back to my dosing schedule, to avoid having to remember a 3 times a day dosing (something that's been hard for me in the past)

I decided to move that extra 0.20mgs to the morning dose, so it's 0.10 mgs in the morning and 0.20mgs at night

 

I tried melatonin years ago and it seemed to have given me nightmares, so I've never touched the stuff since.

I do take magnesium and I need to find out how much is TOO much, as sometimes I find myself reaching for another tablet and not being 100% sure how many I've taken already (I try to take one tablet in the morning and one at night)

I've got epsom salts and could soak in them but it's been so cold here, well actaully *I've* been so cold that the idea of getting naked and wet does not appeal to me at all. My bathroom is unheated, and even with a small heater/fan it's uncomfortable chilly.

 

yeh, I am feeling cold a lot now. before I reinstated, I was having massive night sweats all night long pretty much, each one worse than the previous one, til I was soaked when I finally gave up trying to go back to sleep and got up for the day

 

now, after i eat or drink some hot tea, I will get hot but usually not sweaty, but most of the time my body feels like my temp is too low. I keep adding layers of  clothes to try to warm up

 

and I even turn the heat on, although that adds to my anxiety as I will not know for at least another month,whether or not I'll be getting any financial help with heating bills this winter (I am poor enough to qualify but the program is cut back each year so we keep getting lower amnts of assistance with some ppl being cut off because they changed the upper income limits for help)

 

well, whatever, I just have to make it thru day by day.

 

I missed my therapy appt thru no fault of my own today and that has me thrown, I was counting on it to use up the early morning hours that are the worst for me in terms of anxiety.

Such little things really throw me off.

 

oh rooibos tea, I used to drink that! I am drinking some herbal tea that a friend in Canada sends me but I'm almost out of it, it's called Almond Biscotti, it's good

I am down to one weak cup of coffee per day and may just cut that out too. I only drink it for the taste and as a matter of routine I think.

 

as for sleeping, well, for the past several years while on lexapro, I was sleeping a minimum of 12hrs per day, up to 20hrs per day, so I'd like to think my body stored up that excess but I've been told that it doesn't work that way lol

 

I am surprised that I am able to function fairly well without a lot of sleep. I just take things slow. if I had to work or do anything really important that required focus and concentration, I don't think I'd do very well but for just getting thru the day, I manage.

 

I have to remind myself to eat, as I have no appetite. I find I feel better if I force myself to eat , though so I should go and make something as all I've had so far today was an apple and some tea

 

thanks for the encouraging words. good to know that sleep will return- some day LOL

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post

Hi Cat,

 

Wanted to thank you for stopping by my thread and sharing your thoughts. It does appear we have a lot in common not only recently but in the past as well. I read your thread and wanted to tell you how inspirational your story is and how strong you are. Unfortunately this strength is often given negative labels like "noncompliant" or "difficult" by medical professionals. When you see these things in your chart, I would encourage you to see it as a badge of honor. Evidence of your willingness to risk the ridicule of others in order to find your own truth.

 

I was very sorry to read that your brother passed away a couple of years ago. Was that the one who had CP? I am very reluctant to believe that the brain damage that resulted in the CP also caused some sort of chemical imbalance that makes our emotions more difficult to control. I just think that for most of us who have no cognitive impairment, having a brain that goes much faster than our bodies can respond is understandably frustrating. Add to that the fact that many people with CP are overly catered to as children and therefore never develop the skills needed to deal with frustration. I'm not saying this was the case with your brother. Just that I've seen it.

 

My CP is very mild. There's nothing I really can't do. It just takes a little more time and effort. For this reason expectations for me were high from the get go so I did have to learn to deal with frustration and just "keep up". A lesson I appreciate more and more the older I get. In fact, I see now that those early difficulties have given me the determination necessary to see me through the worst days of withdrawal.

 

Anyway, thanks again for stopping by. It was a real blessing to read about your journey. Let's keep in touch.

 

Peace, love and healing.

PatriciaVP@AbleWriterSays My Intro

 

Zoloft 150-200 mg- on and off between 1998 and 2004.

 

Lexapro 40 mg - 2004-2013 30 mg 2013 - August 2015 20 mg August 2015- September 2015 15 mg September 2015 - October 2015 10 mg October 2015 -Nov. 1 2015. Nov. 2015 increased dose to 12.5 mg to stabilize. Dec. 28 2015 11.25 mg March 29, 2016 10 mg. August 1, 2016 9 mg. October 23, 2016 8.1 mg. Nov. 29, 2016 7.5 mg. Feb. 25, 2017 7 mg. April 9, 2017 6.5 mg. June 2017 6 mg. Aug. 2018 5.75 mg March 2019 5.5 mg Apr. 2019 5.25 mg. June 2019 5 mg Sept. 2019 4.75 mg Nov. 2019 4.5 mg Dec. 2019  4.25 April 7 2020 4mg 

 

Depakote 1000 mg 2008-2013  750 2013-Dec 2015 500 mg Dec 2015 to Feb 2, 2016. Sopped completely Feb 2 2016.

 

Adderall 40mg 2004-Feb 29, 2016. Feb 29,2016 - reduced Adderall to 20 mg based on pdoc's recommendations. March 29, 2016 - Reduced Adderall to 15 mg. April 30 reduced Adderall to 10 mgs. May 28, 2016 reduced Adderall to 5 mgs.June 8, 2016 stopped taking Adderall due to extreme agitation.

 

Amphetamine 20mg 2008 - 1/16. 1/16 - Stopped Amphetamine completely because pdoc did not renew script.

WWW.PSYCHFREE.NET 

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hi

I just reinstated on lexapro after aboaut 5 mos off of it (after several incorrectly done tapers, and jumping off at 2.5mgs)

I reinstated on the 26th by taking 0.2mgs of liquid lexapro and felt dramatic improvement in just hours

 

I have upped that tiny dose over the past few days, now at 0.1mgs in the morning and was planning to do 0.2mgs at night

 

But I am feeling like bumping it up a bit more might help, the anxiety and dark thoughts are creeping back in.

 

I don't want to go too fast and overshoot the "lowest effective dose" but I don't know if reinstating at such a small dose is just a tiny band-aid for something that's going to keep getting worse (the panic attacks etc)

or if it's really just enough to handle things

 

what are other's experiences with this?

 

I often see people reinstate to at least 1mg of their dose, not 1/10th of a mg, so I know I'm starting super low.

 

it is too low?

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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You're lucky that reinstatement still works after 5 months...

 

If only you can taper an 1/8 over a month atbs time once you're back on your feet, you might do better.

 

Also, remember that at your age, you need to proceed sliwe; I'm 43, taking psych drugs for 23 years and having hell.

 

Love snd peace.

Latest med schedule and withdrawal (05/17/17):

Seroquel On 125mg 10/28/16 (now, 125 mg), (9/2017, 200mg)

Cymbalta On 27mg 10/28/16 (now, 27 mg), (9/2017, 90mg)

Viibryd On 10mg 10/28/16 (now, 10 mg), (9/2017, 20mg)

Klonopin On 2.5 Start 10/28/16 (now 1.5 night, 1 Morning), (9/2017 1.5 night, 1 morning, .5 midday, total 3mg)

Diovan 160mg On 10/28/16 (now 160mg)

Norvasc On 10mg 10/28/16 (now 0), (1/2017 10mg)

Cytomel (T3 for thyroid) on 11/2017 25mcg

 

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You're lucky that reinstatement still works after 5 months...

 

If only you can taper an 1/8 over a month atbs time once you're back on your feet, you might do better.

 

Also, remember that at your age, you need to proceed sliwe; I'm 43, taking psych drugs for 23 years and having hell.

 

Love snd peace.

 

 

hi thanks

yeh I'm 60 and have been on various psych meds since I was 18, so I do consider myself lucky that, knock on wood, the reinstatement has been going well

 

I have NO plans to taper at all right now! NONE!

 

Instead I am trying to find out if I should updose at all, or wait a bit longer to do that.

 

thanks for your input, I wish you speedy healing

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
  • Administrator

This belongs in your Intro topic, catnapt.

 

Why don't you give 0.1mg + 0.2mg a chance for a week and then see if you want to increase.

 

Please add further questions of this sort to your Intro topic.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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