Godiswithme: I'm very scared

[Mort81]

Hey GISWM I understand feeling like a shell. I don't feel like myself yet because I have too many symptoms left. Its very weird to feel all of these symptoms. Its not part of normal for anyone. All I had was situational anxiety before AD.

[Godiswithme]

Hey GISWM I understand feeling like a shell. I don't feel like myself yet because I have too many symptoms left. Its very weird to feel all of these symptoms. Its not part of normal for anyone. All I had was situational anxiety before AD.

Am I asking too much to ask you the symptoms you still have? I don't want to be rude.

[yyeehhaaww]

Do NOT beat yourself up.  NONE of us knew any of this would happen, and we believed our dr. and thought they knew what they were doing.

 

I hesitate to say anything and do not want to sway you in any direction.  I am not an expert.  

 

I have read and studied benzos because that is when all my problems began with a c/t of klonopin after only 4 months of usage of .5 mg and I never ever thought I was addicted.  That began my insomnia and sleep deprivation.  iNSOMNIA in my opinion is the worst side effect from any medication withdrawal, followed by ANXIETY.  My nightmare began with 1 pill (benzo), then to many and back to 1 (benzo).

 

While you experienced anxiety from the c/t of abilify and lexapro, the up and down back of forth of xanax AND the ativan (even though it was slight) 

seem???? to be the icing on the cake to get you where you are now...... benzo withdrawal hell madness.....

 

Yes, you c/t Lexapro and abilify ....bad enough on their own, BUT benzo, benzo, benzo, benzo up down back and forth.... I hate to see you add anything else, but maybe that is the answer.... what reinstate, or stick it out???  lexapro???????  more xanax???????  what to do??????

 

When I was hurting from all my withdrawal this past August from belsomra, silenor, prozasin, zanaflex, doxepin and THE BIGGIE --- XANAX, i went into pdoc and asked for an anti-depressant.  She was helping me withdraw from those 6 during August and September.  Of course she gave me one.  I went and filled it and then took 1 and came home , but this time I read about it on the internet.  It was Cymbalta and I found there is a Cymbalta Discontinuance Syndrom.  Wasted a copay, but never took another.  Then in September, she wanted me to take Effexor.  I KNEW i could not and would not take another drug.  My point is you need to at this point lessen the mad in america psych drug roller coaster.  I am really hoping the benzo experts here can advise you IF it is xanax OR lexapro.  Of course it is both, but what is the best way for you to settle down.  It may be that you have to go through some more anxiety pain before you turn the corner.... will any more poision drug help and which one .... ??? who knows.  I know you realize you need to proceed cautiously.  

[Mort81]

U can ask me that's okay. I don't want to discourage you because so many people recover faster than me. What I have remaining is

 

Dizzyness, akathisia, weakness, body temperature problems, sensory sensitivity.. Some other symptoms I still have but they are not as frequent as these ones

 

Most of These symptoms I didn't get until my 2nd year off meds. That's why I am suggesting to RI the lexapro.

 

What symptoms got better or disappeared

 

Body Pain, Stomach pain, lack of appetite, Neuro emotions, Malaise. I felt like I was poisoned close to death. That's gone. All my teeth hurt. Chewing was hard. Vivid dreams, night terrors I bet there are more I can't think of.

[yyeehhaaww]

View Poll Results: What is the worst drug to have withdrawals from?

 

do not know how accurate....

 

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/395340-What-is-the-worst-drug-to-have-withdrawals-from

[yyeehhaaww]

found this ...it may be what was recommended....are you near Pittsburg?

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/988-recommended-doctors-therapists-or-clinics/

 

 

also look at this by alto... difficult to try to determine for your situation

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2207-taking-multiple-psych-drugs-which-drug-to-taper-first/

[yyeehhaaww]

this is from the last site I gave you by alto:=== trying to see if/how it applies to your situation.

 

When you are taking an antidepressant and a benzo, if you are not having significant adverse effects from the benzo, consider tapering the antidepressant first for these reasons:

• Antidepressants are activating while benzos are sedating. The action of the benzo can soften the suffering from antidepressant withdrawal symptoms.
• Conversely, a concurrent antidepressant will not reduce withdrawal symptoms during a benzo taper. With all due respect, Prof. Heather Ashton's suggestion antidepressants might help is misguided, see http://survivinganti...dpost__p__14205
  
  In Dr. Stuart Shipko's e-book Xanax Withdrawal (2012), he addresses the Ashton Manual's apparent recommendation of antidepressants to counter benzo-withdrawal depression, see http://survivinganti...dpost__p__28759
• Often, benzos are prescribed to cover up adverse effects, such as anxiety, insomnia, and akathisia, from an antidepressant. When you remove the benzo, the antidepressant's adverse effects come to the forefront. You then may be in such distress, it is difficult to taper the antidepressant slowly enough to forestall severe withdrawal symptoms.
• Benzo withdrawal before antidepressant withdrawal increases the risk of a difficult antidepressant withdrawal.
  
  Going into an antidepressant taper with GABA downregulated by prior benzo withdrawal is a very perilous strategy. Your nervous system will need GABA to deal with antidepressant withdrawal symptoms.
  
  You may more easily control an antidepressant taper. Fast recovery from antidepressant withdrawal will enable you to tackle your benzo taper.
  
  The people who have the worst withdrawal syndrome are those suffering from both benzo withdrawal and antidepressant withdrawal, because two systems -- serotonin and GABA -- that might help them recover are not functioning due to downregulation.

[Godiswithme]

found this ...it may be what was recommended....are you near Pittsburg?

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/988-recommended-doctors-therapists-or-clinics/

 

 

also look at this by alto... difficult to try to determine for your situation

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2207-taking-multiple-psych-drugs-which-drug-to-taper-first/

Unfortunately, no. Thank you.

[Godiswithme]

Question for the moderators - is it possible for me to edit my thread at all? I would like to remove a few double postings or certain posts that no longer apply to my situation? Thank you.

[Godiswithme]

Yes, I would like to be completely drug free. I feel I was misled by doctors. I also blame myself.

But, at this point, it looks like I am facing possibly years and years of protracted withdrawal. I cold turkeyed off 2 years of 30 mg of Escitalopram and 8 mos. of 2 mg of Abilify In the beginning of Sept '16. I had been taking Xanax prior to WD and continue to. I tried to stop that also, but it was obviously too much. Although I couldn't even feel anything before when I took them. Now Xanax makes me feel sick and drugged.

I can't work, read, listen to music, watch tv, I'm a living zombie. My anxiety is unbearable. My heart pounding out my chest. Adrenaline or cortisol rushes almost constant. I read reinstatement stories. Some wish they never tried it? Made it worse. Please help?

[scallywag]

We've got a "one introduction per customer" rule so I've moved your post/question to your introduction topic.
 

Question for the moderators - is it possible for me to edit my thread at all? I would like to remove a few double postings or certain posts that no longer apply to my situation? Thank you.

 
Only moderators and administrators have access to the functionality of hiding posts. We usually catch multiple posts and hide the duplicates. Aside from that, it's not a good use of moderator's time to do so.

[Godiswithme]

Sorry. Thank you. I guess I am kind of a lost cause on here?

[scallywag]

The large number of posts in your intro topic has resulted from your using the mobile version of the site.  Only on the full "desktop" version of the site can you edit a post within an hour of first submitting it.

Here is a screen capture of where the button is to switch to the full version:

[Godiswithme]

Thank you. But I mean, it seems all the advice that could be given to me has been given?

I either reinstate or don't. My call. Honestly, when you look at what I've done, do you think I can heal some from this intense anxiety? Or is it more about learning to live with it and adopting coping skills. I had coping skills. I was never this anxiety ridden. I know I took Xanax, but it I never really felt anything from it. Just looking for an opinion.

[jmncrr]

You were probably prone to anxiety, since you were prescribed and still taking xanax, Now you have compounded your anxiety by CT your two other medications. It sounds like your in a dire situation with your anxiety, and reinstatement is probably your only option for relief. Reinstatement probably would not make your anxiety any worse than it is, from the way you are describing it. It would be a chance i would take if i were you.

[Godiswithme]

Thank you for responding.

[Godiswithme]

Thank you. But I mean, it seems all the advice that could be given to me has been given?

I either reinstate or don't. My call. Honestly, when you look at what I've done, do you think I can heal some from this intense anxiety? Or is it more about learning to live with it and adopting coping skills. I had coping skills. I was never this anxiety ridden. I know I took Xanax, but it I never really felt anything from it. Just looking for a few opinions.

I hope Alto will answer this. I do not want to be a glass half empty person. I just want to be prepared.

[yyeehhaaww]

Oh,  GIWM, I am trying to comfort you and hold your hand over the internet. You will heal.   I also never had anxiety before xanax.  I am struggling with all my side effects, but please listen to this.  My anxiety has improved.  I am having more windows without it being sooooo bad and even gone a lot.  I had the worst anxiety I have experienced ever last Tuesday through Saturday.  Its instensity lessedned on Sunday to very little and is still that way today Tuesday.  I just wished my abdominal pain would stop.  I am not trying to make light of your anxiety.  It is a worse side effect than many I currently have, and it is very debilitating.  I believe that it is only superseded by insomnia because sleep deprivation leaves a person with absolutely NO reserves for anything physical or emotional.  

 

Tell me what you are doing to help your anxiety?.

[Godiswithme]

I have been looking at the links people have posted. Claire Weekes. Deep breathing. Magnesium. Body Calm magnesium drink.

I'm so sorry you are having stomach pain. You seem like a very nice person. I completely agree about insomnia. This is all so sad. My heart breaks for everyone on here.

[yyeehhaaww]

Glad you are looking at the links.  That is good for you trying to learn how to soothe and comfort yourself and shows how really strong you are by doing so and I see such a great fighter in you.  The easy thing about taking slow deep breaths is you do not have to go or get anything.  You simply close your eyes to focus on deep slow breathing.  Have you tried it?   Does it help you to sorta calm down?

 

I feel your pain and am simply trying to reach out to you and pay it back as you will do as you heal.  You will see someone struggling far worse than you and want to help.  I do not want you to end up in the hospital.  It is my line in the sand that I will not cross on that along with no more psych drugs.  I also will not do sugar unless in some foods when we eat out....trying to avoid dairy .... do what you can on foods... that is your proactive way of helping yourself.

[yyeehhaaww]

Look at what alto says about magnesium here...

 

 http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

I personally take magnesium glycinate 100 mg in a.m. and p.m.  You have to be careful about it causing stomach problems.  I had the stomach problems before started taking it to see if would help with insomnia and anxiety.  Seems to have but unsure.  Do not take a lot...may help your anxiety ... may not   Did not want to take magnesium citrate as it seemed to cause more stomach problems but who knows ... I no longer know anything for sure... there aren't any magic answers for any thing when it comes to withdrawal.  .  

[yyeehhaaww]

do not know if you have seen this.....

 

http://prescription-drug.addictionblog.org/five-5-facts-about-benzodiazepine-withdrawal-you-need-to-know/

[Godiswithme]

I am 3 mos in to a CT off both 2 years 30 mg escitalopram and 2 mg Abilify for 8 mos

All of a sudden, when I swallow, I'm having a soreness in the left side of my throat - near the top.

Has anyone experienced this during withdrawal? I have never had this.

[Shep]

Hi, GIWM.

 

This could be from withdrawal or possibly the beginning of a cold. I came down with several colds during my withdrawal, as my immune system was weakened. 

 

How are your "tongue moving" symptoms doing? 

[Godiswithme]

Well, I feel pressure in my chin area. My tongue seems to occasionally push upwards towards the roof of my mouth.

I'm hoping it isn't what it could be. Thank you for asking.

[Shep]

Perhaps the throat pain is part of the whole mix of mouth, tongue, and throat symptoms that can come from withdrawal and will fade away in time.

 

I don't know if warm soup or a peppermint drop or something soothing like that will help your sore throat or not, but might be worth a try if it sounds appetizing.

 

I hope it's not "what it could be" either. 

 

Do be careful with swallowing, making sure you cut up your food into small pieces. I had a lot of choking sensations, and when you're dealing with these types of symptoms, it's best to be extra careful. 

 

Considering the number of drugs you came off and the fact that you're currently dealing with benzo withdrawal, you really are doing well. 

 

And I'm getting a calmer vibe from you now, not so much panic. 

 

Sometimes the initial "what is happening to me" part of the journey is the worst and once you settle in and start the learning process, it becomes a bit easier.

 

Sending healing vibes your way, GIWM. 

[Godiswithme]

No, I can't say I'm calmer. I honestly am a mess. Although I am not dealing with benzo withdrawal yet. I had to go back up. It was all too much. You are such a positive person, I feel guilty saying how I really feel.

So, I actually came off 2 drugs. Unless you count 2 weeks and 2 days of Ativan?

Some days, I can't even talk. It's too hard to get words out. My insomnia and anxiety/agitation are through the roof. I feel like a walking zombie.

I have no idea how I will begin a taper from the Xanax while experiencing this w/d. I appreciate your input on my condition. It is very much appreciated. Glad you are doing well. Don't mean to be such a downer. But I am scared of how much I can take of this and for how long.

[Shep]

Have you checked out the members-only benzo area, yet? I've posted the link a number of times, but I don't see that you've started a thread there.

 

I'll list it again:

 

Members only benzo forum

 

Benzo withdrawal is sheer terror until you stabilize, especially after the kind of chemical assault you've been through. I'm so sorry you're got caught up in a mess where you came off an antidepressant and an antipsychotic cold turkey, and are now dealing with a benzo. That's extremely brutal to the CNS. 

 

But there's no evidence that this is permanent. I came off 4 of the 6 drugs I was on cold turkey and the others rapid taper. And that was after 30 years of using psych drugs. But I'm healing. 

 

You may want to take a look at this thread:

 

Ashton and beyond in benzo tapering

 

And then go ahead and set up a thread for yourself in the members-only benzo section. 

[Godiswithme]

I know I need to do that. Should I do it when tapering is completely out of the question at the moment?

When you say there is no evidence this is permanent, is there evidence it isn't? I read much of your thread. I think I know the symptoms that remain for you, at this point. Of course, to read your posts, it's hard to imagine you are dealing with anything negative. You are a very unique person. Perfect to be offering support and encouragement on this site.

I can't say I am a pessimist. But I would rather be prepared than clinging to false hope. Does that sound awful of me?

[Shep]

No, it doesn't sound awful at all, GIWM. There's a practical element to all of this. It helps to know what to expect in order to arrange financial issues, find a place to live if we can no longer work or in my case, I moved into a cheaper apartment and took a less stressful job. I didn't know in advance, though, but sort of fell into it all. 

 

We don't have an exact timeline and we don't know the exact nature of what is permanent, what simply will take a long time, and how each individual person will be able to mitigate their damage with non-drug ways of handling symptoms.

 

The best we can do is a slow and careful taper and to "target" very specific non-drug coping skills to those specific symptoms. 

 

We're in uncharted territory here, and I can't say for sure I or anyone else will heal 100%, but I do know that I'll be better than I am right now, and for right now, that's all I need to know.

 

Try not to get caught up in catastrophic thinking. This adds another weight on your shoulders, and if you carry that weight for too long, you may sabotage your chances for a recovery. 

 

Stay laser focused on your goal and when your mind strays off course, use the non-drug coping skills that are listed on your thread to bring yourself back on course. We can't do that for you, but with practice, it will become your habits. And your habits will become your lifestyle. 

 

For now, set up a thread on the benzo forum and pick one non-drug coping skill that will target your symptom of anxiety.

 

That's the best advice I can offer you for now. 

[Godiswithme]

Do antidepressants such as escitalopram cause tardive dykenesia also? I know anti psychotics are linked to it.

[Shep]

Yes, there is some evidence of TD and other movement disorders from antidepressants, too. Unfortunately, we don't know which drug your symptoms are coming from.

 

This thread may help answer some of your questions:

 

Tardive dyskinesia or involuntary movements

 

You are in a good statistical range of people who do heal from this, GIWM, so try not to go into catastrophic thinking. The majority of people who have problems with TD long term are high dose, long time users. 

 

You are in a good position to get through this and go onto have a good life. Please keep this thought in mind. 

[Godiswithme]

Thank you Shep.

[Mort81]

I think realistically 99.9 of people at some point in there life become 90% healed or more. And it seems like the symptoms they have are so minor compared to acute WD. What's crazy is we are actually the minority on here. Most people taper rapidly and have no prolonged WD. I personally know 2 people who CT Prozac after 4 yrs of use. A small dose but still had no symptoms.

 

Obviously some symptoms seem to stick around longer than others, sexual side effects and a few others. One thing nobody can deny is that you never stop healing.

 

Also it's tough to read other people's stories and gauge how you will be because you don't actually know how that person feels. To them they might be in WD hell but really they are able to work a full time job and raise a family and 80%of their symptoms have improved but they will tell people they are not improving.

 

While another person might be completely nonfunctional and think that they are stuck like that because others say They are not improving. So when you read things please take it with a grain of salt.

[Mort81]

I know I also made all my symptoms so much worse by pushing myself at a physically demanding job for 6 months . I thought it was the right thing to do but In hindsight my recovery didn't start until I quit. And also after I quit using 100 supplements, Chinese medicine and detoxing. So u can't look at my story and say you will follow same path. I was trying to fix the acute WD and didn't find survivingantidepressants.org until 7 months of suffering. Than I was told to stop all this crap. Good luck

[Godiswithme]

Thank you very much Mort81