bagzi: my intro

[bagzi]

Hello,

 

My name is Igor, 39 yo, living in Serbia. I first started taking ADs in 2014 after period of exhaustion in my life, and parallel conversion to Christianity. I had a GF in that period who was an alcoholic and bulimic, which i did not know at first.. In my inability to handle the situation, i started to sink deeper and deeper into myself, and i started to turn to God for solution of my problems.

 

Due to all the exhaustion, in dec 2014 i had my firste panic attack, which i first thought was a hearth attack. I did all the checks and i was generally ok. A friend of mine figured out what could be the problem, so he took me to a psychiatrist, which prescribed me with 20mg Seroxat and im not sure what amount of Rivotril. I refused to take any of the drugs for some 5 months, but situation got worse. I was absent from work all this time, and finally i think in May i started taking Seroxat. Did not take Rivotril due to a warning from my friend that it can create an addiction. 

 

In period of 5 months before taking drugs i was in pretty bad shape, got down some 10kg in weight, which was not that bad actually, but i had severe nervousness, anger issues, tremor of the left side of the body and difficulty to sleep. Also, very vivid dreams, like visions, where it seemed like i really participate in these awkward situations. I agreed to start the drugs partly because family was scared the hell out of what is going on with me, but partly i was exhausted from the new situation that i found myself in.

 

So, i took the drugs for precisely a year, because doc said it is some usual period. After 8-9 months i got it down to 10mg, and i took that for some 2 months, and then i got maybe a month 5mg and after that i got off. I managed to function in society for some 2 months after i got completely off, but then i just had no energy to continue. But, i decided that im gona fight as long as i can. So, i quit my job, and went into solitude in my app. living alone.

 

It was a very rough period, but then again i had so much revelation about life in that app that in a way i am greatfull for it. I was there so noone can look at me, i was looking pretty bad again. Went out only briefly and to the store once in a few days. But again, in Oct last year (2015) i reached the point that i just could not go on like that anymore. So i got back on meds, i figured Seroxat was working so i got back on that same drug. Again, i was taking 20mg for some 7 months, than reduced to 10mg twhich i took for 4 months, and recently in Sept i reduced to 5mg which is the dose i take now for some 2 months.

 

Its not easy with this small dose, but i notice its getting better. It was a bit rough when i cut it down, but now i figure its ok. I dont have a plan how long i am going to take this dose, but my final goal is to get off completely. Not sure when or how.

 

I got a job now again, and its a bit easier than in previous job. I feel really good that i had the strength to do this job switch. I feel like i have done something for myself, and although im not off the drugs completely i feel i am making a progress. 

 

Bad thing about these drugs is that they numb you, you dont get to feel your emotions. They kinda disconnect you from yourself. That is mostly why i want to get off them eventually. It is not like for example a drug you take for the hearth issue, or something in that nature, like blood pressure. You feel they are affecting your thinking, feelings and behavior. 

 

On the other hand, when i look at period before i had this first attack, that was also not life. It was mostly mechanical life where i did not question if i like to do something or not, what do i really want to do and what not. This experience was actually something like eye opening, where you realize what life actually is, where you stand right now and where you would like to go, and how much effort it would take to get there, A lot of information all of a sudden, lot of unknown and lot of unanswered question. So, i guess no wonder panic starts to overflow you.

 

I can honestly say, that toughest period that i had these past few years was the most productive period in my life. Although i spent it mostly alone in a room meditating.

 

So anyway, that is my short (or not so short) story. I am happy i found this place and hope to learn from all of you.

 

Igor

 

 

 

Edited December 1, 2016 by scallywag
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[RachelE]

My heart goes out to you Igor. You're smarter than most people. These are mind-altering, addictive drugs that work on the same principle as the kind you can buy on the street illegally (at least in America.) If your doctor tells you they correct a chemical imbalance in your brain he is either lying or very uninformed.

[scallywag]

Igor -- Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants (SA)

 

I'm glad to read that you are feeling better 2 months after you reduced your dose of Seroxat (paroxetine) from 10 mg to 5 mg. That is a large reduction by percentage, 50%. It may take several more months until you feel back to normal.

 

I hope that you'll think about making much smaller dose reductions in the future. We suggest that people reduce dosage by no more than 10% per month.

You can read more about the reasons for going slowly at this link:

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

You can get tips about how to make 10% reductions of Seroxat at this linK

Tips for tapering off Paxil/Seroxat (paroxetine)

 

Please read those topics. If you have any questions, please come back here to your introduction thread to ask them so that all your information stays in one place.

 

I hope you'll find the information in the SA forums helpful for your situation. I'm sorry that you are in the position that you need the information, but am glad that you found us.

[bagzi]

Thank you guys, i am a bit busy right now but i will be looking around the website and posting important updates.

 

Best to you and good health

Igor

[bagzi]

Hello guys,

 

i figured the other day i should update this post for my reference as well as for the others that would potentially read it sometime. 

 

Namely, since my first post, i went quite a long way. At the moment i am taking 0,1mg of Seroxat, and its the lowest dosage i was able to obtain from the pharmacist that is making me these pills. Recently i started skipping it every third day and than take it the next 2 days. Every time i do a cut i feel it, but i dont do it until i am ready to take some hardship. Usually this happens in a cycle of 2 months. Since my cut from 10mg to 5mg i started to cut it more slowly. So i went from 5 to 4, than to 3, 2 and eventually 1mg. It was not easy but when i look back it was not so hard either. I think it is possible for me to get rid of these things in next six months or so completely.

 

 

 

What i think was most crucial thing that helped my situation was the fact that i managed to force myslef to quit the job where i was unhappy. I had all this unrest about what im gona do, if i will be able to work again, if someone would employ me... And the truth is that i needed rest very badly. So with Gods help i took it, and did not do anything for a year or so. Now i have another job that is more demanding and half the pay i used to get, but it has a meaning at this point in my life. I dont intend to stay here forever, but now its the right thing. And in next 12-16 months i intend to start my own business, something i look forward to. And no, i am not yet contend with my life, and still unable to accept who i am, but i believe i am on the way now. Like someone said, i did not arrive yet,  but i have left. I like that sentence.

 

I hope you guys are doing well, like i said this one is more for my own reference, but i also want you to know that change is possible, its just that we have to humble ourselves before it and accept it. If you have to take these drugs to function, try to use it for your own advantage, make the changes you need to make, it is you who have to do it. You will fell good about it down the road.

 

Igor