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I've only just twigged that the huge rage that I have is a neuro-emotion. For yrs I thought it was my personality or mental illness..and needs to be medicated..how depressing is that it think that without the meds you are a raging monster..

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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I've only just twigged that the huge rage that I have is a neuro-emotion. For yrs I thought it was my personality or mental illness..and needs to be medicated..how depressing is that it think that without the meds you are a raging monster..

Great, now you can move on, instead of being stuck in some type of viscious cycle...

 

My emotions have not changed much due to meds...i have not received a good emotional training, neither coping strategies...i have learnt a lot in my therapy, had to actually reconnect with emotions I did not feel, but somehow replaced with sometic symptoms...i still get ill far too often...

- 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg

- 6.11.2020- 75mg

- 16.10.2020- 100mg

- 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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I think all of the neuro-emotions caused by WD also force us to become selfish against our own will.

 

When I have a window I'm empathetic towards others, helpful, caring, loving. During waves I completely forget about the feelings of my loved ones, all I can think of is my own physical and mental agony and how I will survive that particular day. When windows come I realise I've been cold, I've been nagging, I've made tantrums and I've been foul mouthed  and have said things I didn't mean to say that hurt others. I try to apologise afterwards, but the damage is already done and then I know it will happen again during a wave. 

 

I don't know for how much longer I will have this Jekykl/Hyde personality. 

 

I just don't want to keep hurting the people I love and who love me so much. 

-Effexor 150 mgs (2001-2009). Severe withdrawal symptoms during and after tapering for 6 months.  

-Pristiq 50 mg (2009-2012) Tapered over a year. Worst year of my life. 

-Prozac 20 mg (2012) Tapered over 6 moths to ease withdrawal. Still had severe WD symptoms. 

- (2012-2014) Doctor tried more than 20 medications for depression and WD, leaving me hypersensitive, and in protracted withdrawal. 

- Most debilitating symptoms during protracted withdrawal have been deep depression, anxiety, brain zaps, fatigue, akathisia, twitching, headaches and terrible PMS. 

-January 2015: Started Lamictal 12.5 mg, increased to 25 mg.- Bad reaction when updosed to 50 mg. Stopped. 

-February 2015: Doctor tried new antidepressant Brintellix - Horrible reaction. Discontinued completely. Severe AKATHISIA started.

-March 2015:  Started TMS therapy (Transcranial magnetic stimulation) for severe depression. Didn't work. 

-July 23-August 12: Had 10 ECT sessions which took away my protracted withdrawal symptoms including: akathisia, brain zaps, muscle twitches, fatigue and depression. Stopped medications. 

-September 2015: Experiencing bouts of depression again and muscle twitching. 

-March 2016: Started 20 mg Nortryptiline for depression. It helped. 

-August 2016: Slowly tapering Nortryptiline. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Mentor

 

For quite a while in withdrawal, neuro-emotion led me to memories where I embarrassed myself, made a fool or myself, or was rejected. I couldn't shake them, I was reliving them intensely over and over.

 

The feeling of shame and worthlessness was awful. I had to make a determined effort, which wasn't always successful, to distract myself from these memories. I kept reminding myself to forgive myself for my mistakes.

 

Then reliving these memories went away. I'm not having this problem anymore (I hope).

 

I presume that some area of my brain was being stimulated by dysregulated neuro-hormones, and now it's recovered.

This subject came up in a group of people in benzo w/d and it turned out a lot of us shared this experience. And something else, a sort of sense that our lives had been futile, a sort of obsessive feeling of worthlessness and despair and grief, something we were unable to shake. It's very difficult to describe but everyone who had experienced it recognized it immediately. I decided it needs to have a name--like akathisia has a name--so I call it "dystalgia" because one person said it was like evil nostalgia.

 

I don't know if this is as intense with AD withdrawal. Or if maybe it's one of those kind of universal symptoms like akathisia that you can get with a variety of psych meds.

 

I haven't had it for a while, but it does tend to come back when I'm more actively cutting doses and in w/d.

 

Evil nostalgia, so true.  I am presently feeling guilt shame, everything is my fault.. god it is the hardest of the lot to deal with, this sense of absolute worthlessness....that I deserve to suffer for all the things I did.....self blame, for the last ten years..............    how does one cope with this?

1992 Dothiepin 375mg 8 weeks, exhaustion/depression.  Serotonin syndrome, oh yes!  seizures . Fell pregnant, 3rd baby, Nitrous Oxide, 3 weeks mental hospital pp psychosis. zoloft tegretol.

Feb 1996 ct tegretol, tapered Zoloft 8 weeks. as (unexpectedly)  pregnant. Steven died after 3 days.(Zolft HLHS baby).  98 had run in with Paxil, 2 tablets, 3 weeks taper, survived.
2005..menopause? exhausted again. Zyprexa, mad in three days, fallout....  Seroquel, Effexor, tegretol,   and 8 years of self destruction. Failed taper.
Damn 1/4 valium... nuts again! .fallout, zoloft 100mg  seroquol 400mg mirtazapine 45 mg  tegretol 400mg.  Mid 14 3 month taper. Nov 14 CRASH.
Mid 15 ....   75mg  seroquel,  3 x 1800mg SJW  2 week window end of December followed by 6 week wave
5/2 68mg seroquel, 2.5 x 1800mg SJW::::20/2 61mg seroquel, 2.5 x  SJW::: 26/2 54mg seroquel, 2 x SJW::::21/3 43mg seroquel, 1 x 2700SJW :::: 23/4 36mg seroquel 1 x 1800 SJW
15/5 33mg seroquel, 1 x SJW::::   28/5 30mg seroquel, 1 x SJW::::;  18/6 25mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::::, 11/7 21mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::, 26/7 18mg seroquel 1/2 SJW:::, 9/8 12mg seroquel :::, 16/8 6mg seroquel ;;;;, 12/9 0 jump.

23/9  3mg.....,  27/9 0mg.  Reinstated, 6mg, then 12mg.............  LIGHTBULB MOMENT,  I have  MTHFR 2x mutations.  CFS and issues with MOULD in my home. So I left home, and working 150km away during week, loving it.

Oh was hard, panic attacks first week, gone now, along with the mould issues.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi there! I'm new and I've been on Effexor for awhile and have tried twice to get off of it, but the wd are horrible and I alwas go back up on my dose. I get severely depressed and have those same emotional thoughts, even the suicidal thoughts???? I don't know what to do

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DYSTALGIA

good word!!!

I find myself actually feeling frightened of things that have ALREADY happened, many of them quite a long time ago

how weird is that?

2002: "Situational depression" 2002-2010:Prozac.Birth Control.2011 Short trials: Paxil, Celexa, Lexipro, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Ativan- Gee, Doc never mentioned protracted AD wd syndrome. Imagine that. 2011-2015. Lamictal. Seroquel. Remiron. 2012: "Complex post traumatic stress disorder." Fast taper of Remiron jumped off June 2013. Slow tapers ever since of Seroquel & Lamictal.  crippling muscle spasms. crying fits. panic attacks. akathisia. nerve twitches. the jitters. the heebie jeebies. de-personal/realization. numbness. tingling. fatigue. lethargy. nightmares.insomnia. weird images. eye pain.vertigo. dizziness. brain zaps. and on and on and on. withdrawal? side effects? which drug? impossible to know. Stopped Seroquel October 2015.  Stopped Lamictal  March 2016. Had more severe muscle/joint spasms that paralyzed me for 3 days at a time, last episode was March 2017.Going back to work as of February 2018 after 14 years off full-time work due to the crippling effects of psych meds. Check out Robert Whittaker "Anatomy of an Epidemic" for  his breakdown of the rates of mental disability  since the introduction of Prozac into the human population. Best solutions for me: Social support via AA meetings. Acupuncture. Meditation. Dance. Nature. Yoga. Social support online with psych med survivor community. Nutrition. Exercise. More outdoor time. Go sit in the sunshine for 5 minutes. Touch a tree. Breathe deeply.

 

 

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Thanks to Healing for explaining neuro emotions. It explains so much and makes me feel not so bad about myself. I will be back to read all of the posts. Wondering

Trazodone 150-300 nightly

Ambien CR. 3-5 times a week

Taking Klonopin crossing over to Valium started 6-25-15

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How about Neuro-nit-picking?  For those of us who live with family.  WHY is your underwear on the couch?  WHY doesn't the water jug ever get filled when you empty it?  Can't you wash the knife after you've used it on raw meat, before you use it again?  Do you leave rubbish on the counter or table or floor JUST FOR ME?  

 

When really, he is a gentle man, absent minded perhaps, bachelor most of his life, who just doesn't even THINK of these things.  When they drive me SPARE.  I have to take a deep breath and cuss under it, and then clean up whatever it was.  When he retires, I want to "train" him better, he'll have no "I'm tired" excuse.  But I suspect it will be to no avail.

 

There are days when he cannot do anything right.  And it totally has nothing to do with him!  

 

I think one of the very definitions of Neuro Emotions is the stickiness of them.  The persistence of them.  I just can't stop thinking about what was said with the neighbor and I keep smacking my forehead thinking, "why did I say that?  what was I thinking?  What will they think?"  and this persistence can continue for hours.  It may not stick on the same event, but will stick on the same theme, like "stupid stuff I said," or "dystalgia from the distant past," or even "that horrible dream I had 2 nights ago."

 

The grain of truth that lies in the middle of the neuro emotion makes it even harder.  Because while you are in it, it seems so REAL and you can often tie it to real events and people and places, and they are so vivid, like 3D Imax for the brain.  It's like they say in the movies:  "this movie is BASED upon real events, but the characters and situations have been changed for the narrative."  Neuro Emotions are BASED on real emotions, but they are not the real emotions, they are the movie about the book about the news article about the emotion.  And dramatized, with manipulative soundtrack and compelling cinematography.  And extra drama thrown in for intensity.  Very hard to resist, very hard to distinguish the movie, the neuro, from the original emotion, which might just be a seed.

 

The emotion might be very real, and very traumatic - but once the shattered nervous system gets ahold of it, it gets blown all out of proportion.

 

Ikam hits on a truth when she says:

 

Sometimes I wonder if it is possible that I have been experiencing neuroemotions since I started medication, or when I selfmedicated with alcohol? And maybe at presenet I am just beginning to manage them in a better way? 

 

I think that is the crux of the biscuit.  When I look back through my life - I don't have any life that was before antihistamines.  I was 7 when I started them.  So all of my extreme emotions and behaviours may have been interdose withdrawal (okay, yes, there was trauma, too, but that's the seed - not the extreme emotions).  THEN, come the 80's and we add in the antidepressants - well.  I think about the 15 automobile accidents, the reckless driving.  I think about the affairs and untoward relationships.  I think about how I thought I was powerful and wise and a teacher, when I was just a kid (I wonder if those old ladies were laughing at me behind my back) - delusions of grandeur.  

 

I suspect that a large percentage - maybe 50% of my bizarreness was chemically based.

 

Look back at your life, look at the worst of your life (hard, I know).  Then look at where you were in your drug journey.  Is this true?  Discuss.  (thanks Ikam for stimulating this one)

 

Then WiggleIt writes;

 

I completely agree that the thoughts are foreign to our real personalities. These thoughts, feelings, and reactions I have now are NOTHING like my personality before meds and everyone in my family will attest to that. 

 

Oh, my.  I don't think anyone ever knew who I was underneath all that drama queen behaviour.  I bit at least 2 boyfriends (one before antidepressants, one after).  I got a WARNING for "reckless driving" (that's a jail-time thing, if left unattended), and he let me go, probably because I fast talked my way out of it - thinking again, what a powerful and convincing person I was.  I wrecked nearly every car I ever had.  (including the current one)  

 

So where, in that, is JanCarol?  Where is the curious, easy going, peaceful warrior I always wanted to be?  What I wanted, and what I was and am, are hugely disparate.

 

Even the neuro-nit-picking has a source, it's my Mother.  I can hear her voice in my head when I do it.  Tsk tsk.  I nit picked my first husband to hell and back.  When I swore I wouldn't.  I didn't even know it until just before the separation, when I looked in the mirror, and the woman looking back at me was his First Wife. (I was the Second).  OMG, I had "turned into her."  That was AFTER the antidepressants, and he was on them, too.

 

So in my belief, if you think the feeling is totally foreign to you - I challenge you to look for the seed.  

 

Here's an example.  Abraham Lincoln was a real person.  But Tim Burton made a film based on his life called "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter."  (I haven't seen it)  The NeuroEmotion is like the Tim Burton movie - but there is a truth, Abraham Lincoln did live, and had a wife named Mary who died of a wasting sickness - so there is the seed.  The Tim Burton movie of the emotion may seem so far out that it couldn't be you - but look for the seed.  I suspect it is there.

 

Ikam, again:

 

.i have learnt a lot in my therapy, had to actually reconnect with emotions I did not feel, but somehow replaced with sometic symptoms...i still get ill far too often... 

 

Really, woman, we need to get together for a cuppa.  We have so much in common.  I almost don't know what my feelings are.  Until my jaw clenches and my throat swells shut and I think I'm getting sick - then I realize, I'm afraid, and I'm afraid to say so.

 

One last comment:  many of you have described the impulsiveness that Healing described, that the impulse control is gone in neuro-emotion.

 

I have a different proposal.  I think that neuro-emotion, COUPLED with akathesia = wild impulses.  The akathisia makes the neuro-emotion more pressing, and drives you to DO SOMETHING about it.  Like self harm.  Or smashing jugs.  Or leaving relationships.  Or destroying relationships (my specialty).  Or (fill in your bug bear blank, here).

 

Just my thoughts anyway.  

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • 4 weeks later...

I am both relieved and unhappy to find this thread. Relieved that I am not alone in experiencing this problem, but unhappy that it is something that is happening at all, and concerned about how long it will last and whether it will resolve completely. 

I have now finished my taper and am off antidepressants completely, and no longer have any of the acute withdrawal symptoms (physical or mental). However I noticed that during the last month or so of the taper and continuing now I've been getting another set of problems which the descriptions in this thread seem to capture very well - extreme emotional over-reaction (but only negative emotions) that also lasts way beyond what seems reasonable for the circumstances. I've had some close shaves with getting into a lot of trouble, for example barely managing to contain an intense desire to punch a railway security officer who implied I was trying to fare-evade when the actual problem was a malfunction in the electronic ticketing system (a very common problem where I live). I am not normally physically violent in any way and the sudden, intense rage and agitation were very upsetting; and also episodes of intense feelings of hopelessness, mental pain and suicidal thoughts triggered by minor hurts. 
 

Like many of the people posting here it seems to be a combination of all the issues and the associated thoughts and emotions which were blunted or not dealt with while on antidepressants coming to the surface (but in a way that is quite difficult to deal with as these feelings are now disconnected from the events that originally triggered them), and emotional dysregulation - amplification and perseveration of negative emotions.

This has led to some further problems - because I feel as if I have so little control over what is happening internally I have been compensating by trying to control my external circumstances as much as possible and so my life has become very restricted. I have created a little cocoon at home which is warm and safe and comfortable where I can eat, sleep, snuggle up on the couch and watch tv (the only activities which are reliably enjoyable at present), and there is little incentive to leave it. But this has worsened some of the other issues I'm dealing with such as social isolation, loneliness and a degree of social phobia following bullying (for the first time in my life, as an adult - very difficult to manage when you've never learnt any skills as a child) and so has decreased my motivation to work on expanding my social network, and decreased the opportunities for positive experiences.

My GP has been useless about the whole issue of withdrawal, trying to pressure me into recommencing medication and also into getting a second psychiatric opinion (on the basis that I may have "unmasked" bipolar disorder), a process I could see leading to a complete mess of misdiagnosis and mismanagement - no surprises that I'm now looking for a new GP. The psychologist I've been seeing for a couple of months is much more supportive but still seems to frame the issue as "depression" and I'm finding CBT difficult to manage because my emotional responses are way out of proportion to what the theories of this treatment are designed to work with. I am also learning mindfulness techniques which are helpful but require a lot of practice yet, so are not the immediate answer. The best help so far has been from the psychiatrist I've been seeing on and off for many years, who does therapy in addition to medication management. He is a fairly conservative prescriber and a vocal advocate for the social aspects of mental health management; he recognises and understands at an academic level that extreme sensitivity to AD dose changes, AD withdrawal symptoms and withdrawal-related emotional dysregulation can occur and is also willing to accept my account of what is happening, but he hasn't personally encountered or dealt with this severity before and there is very little published research on which to base management advice. Even though he is quite patient I get the impression that he is extremely frustrated with what must seem to be a self-defeating refusal on my part to work on the problems that I need to address.  

On the one hand I am tempted to stop therapy because of it causing intensely painful and prolonged emotional responses that I have limited resources to deal with, but on the other hand it would be pretty stupid to stop when I am intermittently suicidal. Although these issues are currently separate, I am concerned about the possibility that at some point the mental pain/hopelessness/suicidal thoughts will coincide with the agitation/recklessness/out of control feelings, leading to a suicide attempt.

On a positive note, I think that after reading through this thread and having pinned down a bit more accurately what the problem is, I will be able to discuss it with my therapists and at least temporarily ask them to concentrate more on just supportive care (and perhaps stop the CBT for a while) until my emotional state has settled enough to deal with the painful and difficult stuff with less risk. 

  

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This has led to some further problems - because I feel as if I have so little control over what is happening internally I have been compensating by trying to control my external circumstances as much as possible and so my life has become very restricted. I have created a little cocoon at home which is warm and safe and comfortable where I can eat, sleep, snuggle up on the couch and watch tv (the only activities which are reliably enjoyable at present), 

 

 On the one hand I am tempted to stop therapy because of it causing intensely painful and prolonged emotional responses that I have limited resources to deal with, but on the other hand it would be pretty stupid to stop when I am intermittently suicidal. Although these issues are currently separate, I am concerned about the possibility that at some point the mental pain/hopelessness/suicidal thoughts will coincide with the agitation/recklessness/out of control feelings, leading to a suicide attempt.

 

On a positive note, I think that after reading through this thread and having pinned down a bit more accurately what the problem is, I will be able to discuss it with my therapists and at least temporarily ask them to concentrate more on just supportive care (and perhaps stop the CBT for a while) until my emotional state has settled enough to deal with the painful and difficult stuff with less risk. 

 

  

You are right on target with going for supportive therapy right now, you might benefit from introducing the topic of trauma to your providers (medication adversity is trauma as well as possible other stuff) because within that model there is in fact an understanding that seeking safety  must happen first before the delving into problems we more commonly think of as therapy, I think you are right on in creating your cocoon and curling up on the sofa, that is exactly what your nervous system needs and you know it better than anybody. "trying to control your external circumstances" is in fact good self-care, so don't pathologize it, I hear you on the social isolation, that is problematic for me too, on the other hand I don't want to overwhelm myself with social interaction my nervous system is not ready for, that is not productive either

lots of luck to you

2002: "Situational depression" 2002-2010:Prozac.Birth Control.2011 Short trials: Paxil, Celexa, Lexipro, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Ativan- Gee, Doc never mentioned protracted AD wd syndrome. Imagine that. 2011-2015. Lamictal. Seroquel. Remiron. 2012: "Complex post traumatic stress disorder." Fast taper of Remiron jumped off June 2013. Slow tapers ever since of Seroquel & Lamictal.  crippling muscle spasms. crying fits. panic attacks. akathisia. nerve twitches. the jitters. the heebie jeebies. de-personal/realization. numbness. tingling. fatigue. lethargy. nightmares.insomnia. weird images. eye pain.vertigo. dizziness. brain zaps. and on and on and on. withdrawal? side effects? which drug? impossible to know. Stopped Seroquel October 2015.  Stopped Lamictal  March 2016. Had more severe muscle/joint spasms that paralyzed me for 3 days at a time, last episode was March 2017.Going back to work as of February 2018 after 14 years off full-time work due to the crippling effects of psych meds. Check out Robert Whittaker "Anatomy of an Epidemic" for  his breakdown of the rates of mental disability  since the introduction of Prozac into the human population. Best solutions for me: Social support via AA meetings. Acupuncture. Meditation. Dance. Nature. Yoga. Social support online with psych med survivor community. Nutrition. Exercise. More outdoor time. Go sit in the sunshine for 5 minutes. Touch a tree. Breathe deeply.

 

 

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I wanted to thank whomever started this thread on neuro-emotion. I think it may have helped change my life - or at least my understanding of what is happening while I taper off of Cipralex (Lexapro in the U.S.).  I have tried to come off antidepressants so many times and almost always end up with what I call a "nervous breakdown" and end up back on the meds.  Doctors just say "see you need to be on them". Prescriving cipralex and ativan. Ativan I will very occasionally take for sleep.  

1997 - effexor for 4 months.

2000 - 2004 - Celexa 10 mg (came off very quickly - and had a "nervous breakdown" to use my words. High anxiety and life became unmanageable. Reinstated briefly then came off successfully )

2006-2009 Celexa 10 mg - somehow came off for a while but then... things got hard.

2010 - started (Lexapro in the U.S.) 5 mg  

2012 for 6 months I was on 2.5 lexapro,  ativan - for sleep very occasional use 

2014 5 mg cipralex (lexapro) : attempts to come off 5mg  2014 failed - way too fast - terrible anxiety  

2015 march ---- started a SLOW taper of Lexapro. I was able to get down to .5 mg Lexapro in early 2016 February and March started to get intense strange symptoms of shaking body, loss of control, panic, weight loss.  Especially in early morning.  Reinstated- on Psych. Docs advise. (sadly! now I think but didn't know what else to do). 

August 2016 was on 6 mg Lexapro and still having panic and anxiety. Re-instating was very hard. Took .5 mg Ativan 3 x per day for two months. August 2016 - started 1mg Abilify and tapered off of Ativan over three months. 

From November 2016 - Janaury 2018:  1mg Abilify - 6 mg Lexapro

 ABILIFY taper started May 2018:  lots general anxiety. Moved to a liquid dose of Abilify. September 2018: 6mg lexapro a day,  Abilify taper is at .4mg ... and counting. Experienced terrible anxiety, worry, restlessness, sleeplessness. Then Father died traumatically. P-Doc said to go back up.  reinstated 1mg Abilify started Nov. 28, 2018.   LEXAPRO 6mg.

2019 April started taper of Lexapro to 5.5, June 2019. Lexapro 5 mg, Abilify 1mg.  Holding for now til life stabilizes.

Fish oil, melatonin, vit d, bio identical hormones, magnesium citrate.

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  • 1 month later...

These neuro-emotions have been the hardest thing for me lately . As my other symptoms continue to improve I am finding this to be the hardest for me in the last 2 weeks. I get waves of fear , my mind speeds up and my reactions and thoughts are way different than ever. Ive never had such  strong feelings and thoughts. The kinda thoughts that have you sweating , scared and fearing that your demise is soon. Just awful .  Whether these thoughts are just waves and windows I dont know but they are scary .

Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th . PPI Dexlant  30 mg taper has begun. Cutting 20% currently.  using zantac as needed.  Benzo is currently 0.10mg 

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Just want to congratulate Healing on coining a very useful term that I predict will go viral:

 

Neuro-emotion: (n.) Exaggerated emotion as a result of iatrogenic drug reactions, does not indicate relapse or emergence of mental illness.

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the exaggerated emotion- it sounds like me...but I have had it all my life, as my mother had exaggerated emotions, she was always in a panic state...

I think I got worse in WD + I am going through the major change in my life (job, house)...so I felt so panicky today morning that I felt like vomiting...

ouch...

- 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg

- 6.11.2020- 75mg

- 16.10.2020- 100mg

- 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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Am also experiencing exaggerated "bad" emotions like anger/rage and irritation (with anhedonia). Not a fun combination now, but looking forward to better times ahead.

Prozac 20 mg/daily since 1995

July 19, 2013, initial cut to 15 mg; Aug. 2 updosed to 18 mg; Aug. 19, to 16.2 mg
Held at 2.52 ml/day Jan. 11-April 16, 2014
April 16, 2014, cut to 2.40 ml/day
Dec. 29, 2014, 1.84 ml/day, and held there almost six months
June 23, 2015, 1.75ml/day; July 21, 2015, 1.70 ml/day
Aug. 13, 2015, 1.60 ml/day

Feb. 7, 2016, .7 ml/day; April 26, 2016, .6 ml/day

 

Taking anastrozole (estrogen blocker)
 
Successfully completed long, slow Klonopin taper November 2011. :ph34r:

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • Moderator

Mycatzara says:

 

 

 

I have been compensating by trying to control my external circumstances as much as possible and so my life has become very restricted. I have created a little cocoon at home which is warm and safe and comfortable where I can eat, sleep, snuggle up on the couch and watch tv (the only activities which are reliably enjoyable at present), and there is little incentive to leave it. But this has worsened some of the other issues I'm dealing with such as social isolation, loneliness and a degree of social phobia following bullying (for the first time in my life, as an adult - very difficult to manage when you've never learnt any skills as a child) and so has decreased my motivation to work on expanding my social network, and decreased the opportunities for positive experiences.

 

 

 

OMG Yes!  I call it "caving" = retreating into your safe cave.  The only problem with the safe cave is that it doesn't challenge you, teach you how to learn and grow.  However, when your symptoms are extreme - such as in withdrawal - the safe cave is the best place.  Sometimes your symptoms are challenging enough without going to the shops, meeting someone for coffee, going to the gym, getting on public transport, etc.

 

Mycatzara again:

 

 

On the one hand I am tempted to stop therapy because of it causing intensely painful and prolonged emotional responses that I have limited resources to deal with, but on the other hand it would be pretty stupid to stop when I am intermittently suicidal. Although these issues are currently separate, I am concerned about the possibility that at some point the mental pain/hopelessness/suicidal thoughts will coincide with the agitation/recklessness/out of control feelings, leading to a suicide attempt.

 

Maybe it's not the fact you are in therapy - maybe it's the wrong therapist? Or type of therapy?  I will go to your thread to address this in detail, but my first thought is, perhaps something like ACT ("The Happiness Trap") would be more helpful for getting you back on your feet again, than digging around in past and present trauma.

 

Mort81:

 

 

These neuro-emotions have been the hardest thing for me lately . As my other symptoms continue to improve I am finding this to be the hardest for me in the last 2 weeks. I get waves of fear , my mind speeds up and my reactions and thoughts are way different than ever. Ive never had such  strong feelings and thoughts. The kinda thoughts that have you sweating , scared and fearing that your demise is soon. Just awful .  Whether these thoughts are just waves and windows I dont know but they are scary .

 

 

Neuro-emotions are symptoms, and so, like symptoms, they will come in waves.  Sometimes in greater intensity, sometimes easing off into windows.

 

So yes, these thoughts are waves, they are waves of neuro-emotions.  There are also waves of akathesia, or waves of depersonalization, all of the symptoms of withdrawal can come in waves!.  Every minute, every hour, every day you survive these horrible things, are minutes, days, and hours that you are stronger, and more ready for what is next, which eventually is - surviving without the drugs.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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The most prevalent neuro-emotion I feel is sadness and anxiety. When I'm feeling down 

I feel ashamed about it. Both my parents shamed me for being a sad kid. My mother:"What's the matter with you NOW? 

You have everything a child would want. Other children would give their eyes to have a mother like you have".

Father:" You just don't glow like other kids. No  wonder nobody likes you". So in withdrawal this is the place I go to.

I tell myself over and over these dark feelings are just withdrawal but saying that doesn't touch the shame. When I feel sad

I find it very hard to reach out to friends. If they can't see me for whatever reason, I snap back to  the "Nobody likes you"

frame of mind. Sometimes I feel too vulnerable to risk that. Also, if I do see friends I hide my sadness, afraid it

will drain them so they won't want to be around me. Sometimes it takes too much effort to pretend I'm O.K. so

I just hang out with my dog. However, I do get to feel  isolated and lonely. This is the worse part of withdrawal for me.

On 20 mg of Prozac for about ten years. Sept 2012 started reducing 10% a drop using gram scale, with average of one month holds.

When I'd reached the half way mark, taking 10 mg  powder out of the 20 mg capsules, I switched over to 10 mg capsules and cutting

down from those. Withdrawals got harder the lower I dropped.  May 2013 changed to 5% drops, holding until all withdrawal symptoms gone.

January 2015 changed to liquid prozac (concentration of 20MG per 5 mL) using a 1mL oral syringe.

Current dose of fluoxetine solution equivalent 3.4 mg. Any effort to drop below this has been disastrous so for the time being I'm staying at this level.
Adding 200 mg Tryptophan and 200 GABA a day has helped with anxiety.
Also take 1,300mg Omega- 3,  875mg  Magnesium, 1800mg Curcumin, 1000mg Vit C, 5000 Vit D.
 

 

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Hello guys, i can't read all the texts because of my unability to concentrate, furthermore my english is not so good to understand everything. Im so sad about it, because i know there are so many helpful texts written!

I have a question.. I know the neuroemotions so bad. It's awful. Maybe someone can help me...

Since my wd began, i become so extremly acrophobic. If i see something "high" (for example a bridge on TV) i can't watch it, because in the same moment i feel so horrible emotions! I dont know if it's a common symptom in wd??? Tomorrow i have a date on 7th storey and im so anxiously :( height make me feel so dizzy and uncomfortable.. I start sweating, shaking and sometimes there are obsessive thoughts too..

 

Sorry for any misspelling!

Hope for some answers!

 

Thanks a lot!!!

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The most prevalent neuro-emotion I feel is sadness and anxiety. When I'm feeling down 

I feel ashamed about it. Both my parents shamed me for being a sad kid. My mother:"What's the matter with you NOW? 

You have everything a child would want. Other children would give their eyes to have a mother like you have".

Father:" You just don't glow like other kids. No  wonder nobody likes you". So in withdrawal this is the place I go to.

I tell myself over and over these dark feelings are just withdrawal but saying that doesn't touch the shame. When I feel sad

I find it very hard to reach out to friends. If they can't see me for whatever reason, I snap back to  the "Nobody likes you"

frame of mind. Sometimes I feel too vulnerable to risk that. Also, if I do see friends I hide my sadness, afraid it

will drain them so they won't want to be around me. Sometimes it takes too much effort to pretend I'm O.K. so

I just hang out with my dog. However, I do get to feel  isolated and lonely. This is the worse part of withdrawal for me.

 

This is really tough Indigo. Shame is one of the hardest emotions to deal with I believe. I'm sorry for how you were shamed as a child. I can relate to this too. My Mom used to send us to our rooms when we had any emotions. I struggle with being able to reach out as well, feeling that no one would want to be around me when I feel like that.

 

Some of us are just quieter, more serious folk. We are led to believe we should all be people who dance on tables.

 

I think it can also be difficult to know what is emotion and what is neuro-emotion. At times, we might be reliving the feelings of the past..especially where it is similar to what is happening in the here-and-now. Some emotions weren't maybe felt at the time and we are feeling them now. I know some people think it's all neuro-emotion and are able to ride through that way...I don't find it that simple or easy to know for certain.

 

Wd is a very isolating experience.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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The most prevalent neuro-emotion I feel is sadness and anxiety. When I'm feeling down 

I feel ashamed about it. Both my parents shamed me for being a sad kid. My mother:"What's the matter with you NOW? 

You have everything a child would want. Other children would give their eyes to have a mother like you have".

Father:" You just don't glow like other kids. No  wonder nobody likes you". So in withdrawal this is the place I go to.

I tell myself over and over these dark feelings are just withdrawal but saying that doesn't touch the shame. When I feel sad

I find it very hard to reach out to friends. If they can't see me for whatever reason, I snap back to  the "Nobody likes you"

frame of mind. Sometimes I feel too vulnerable to risk that. Also, if I do see friends I hide my sadness, afraid it

will drain them so they won't want to be around me. Sometimes it takes too much effort to pretend I'm O.K. so

I just hang out with my dog. However, I do get to feel  isolated and lonely. This is the worse part of withdrawal for me.

I just found this so disturbing-first of all,your mother sounds like a classic narcissist;my mom also had some of those traits.and what an awful thing for your dad to say,I'm so sorry-these things stay w/ us forever and destroy our self worth.

 

I was shamed when I got pregnant at17-"aren't you ashamed of yourself" my mom said-I don't think we get over stuff like that

went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct  back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25.

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Thank you Jan for your response. Encouraging messages are so important

Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th . PPI Dexlant  30 mg taper has begun. Cutting 20% currently.  using zantac as needed.  Benzo is currently 0.10mg 

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Thanks for your understanding Freespirit and direstraits. It's significant that when I'm in a withdrawal wave these old wounds remerge

take over my whole thinking. I believe those of us who are particularly emotionally sensitive, and/or have experienced emotionally trauma,

are often those who turned to anti-depressants originally to help us cope .

No wonder when our brains are tweaked out of whack in withdrawal

the pain of  the original traumas will emerge to haunt us.

I am relieved to say the last wave seems to be subsiding and I am feeingl more resilient again. 

On 20 mg of Prozac for about ten years. Sept 2012 started reducing 10% a drop using gram scale, with average of one month holds.

When I'd reached the half way mark, taking 10 mg  powder out of the 20 mg capsules, I switched over to 10 mg capsules and cutting

down from those. Withdrawals got harder the lower I dropped.  May 2013 changed to 5% drops, holding until all withdrawal symptoms gone.

January 2015 changed to liquid prozac (concentration of 20MG per 5 mL) using a 1mL oral syringe.

Current dose of fluoxetine solution equivalent 3.4 mg. Any effort to drop below this has been disastrous so for the time being I'm staying at this level.
Adding 200 mg Tryptophan and 200 GABA a day has helped with anxiety.
Also take 1,300mg Omega- 3,  875mg  Magnesium, 1800mg Curcumin, 1000mg Vit C, 5000 Vit D.
 

 

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I feel like I'm experiencing grief about childhood ( traumatic) and I'm welcoming it in wd. I'm grateful I can feel again and get help for adolescent issues I've never addressed. I know I don't have an underlying condition now. Slow abatement of symptoms and these grief emotions confirm it.

off cold turkey:zoloft, trileptal, stratteracurrently on:<p>latuda .05 milligrams latuda (to stabilize cns) from 20 mgs 4 months ago.

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Is anyone going through extreme judgment/dark thoughts about other people, in wd? I am not like that. I'm a humanist and these dark, intrusive judgmental thoughts hurt me.

off cold turkey:zoloft, trileptal, stratteracurrently on:<p>latuda .05 milligrams latuda (to stabilize cns) from 20 mgs 4 months ago.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

gemini, this topic may answer your question: 

Intrusive thoughts and increased panic? - Symptoms and ... Edited by Petunia
fixed link

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Yes these thoughts are horrible, Gemini..it's like we've been invaded by another personality. Awful x

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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Do you get them too? I know, its like they've been inserted by someone.

off cold turkey:zoloft, trileptal, stratteracurrently on:<p>latuda .05 milligrams latuda (to stabilize cns) from 20 mgs 4 months ago.

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It doesn't work because it's a defunct link

Edited by KarenB
clarity

off cold turkey:zoloft, trileptal, stratteracurrently on:<p>latuda .05 milligrams latuda (to stabilize cns) from 20 mgs 4 months ago.

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Hi, somebody mentioned therapy. I think a good therapist is able to recognise when to slow down with emotions...

The therapy needs to provide holding as well as work...

I have been in therapy for years. Everytime I wanted to speed up the process I ended up in dissociation...so I have learnt to move slowly...

I have a good therapist who is very mindful of my process...

- 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg

- 6.11.2020- 75mg

- 16.10.2020- 100mg

- 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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I'm really struggling with this right now. It's been helpful to see that others are also dealing with neuro-emotions and that some people have even gotten through it. The guilt and shame have been difficult to deal with. I feel like I have been extremely selfish my whole life and all of these flashbacks I'm having make me feel like an evil and crazy person who can never be "fixed". I have started to go back to therapy solely because of these thoughts and feelings, but have only had one session so far. I have been struggling day and night with these thoughts and at times cannot eat or sleep because of the intensity of it all. I'm trying to just let myself learn from the experiences and let go of them, but I can't seem to forgive myself or get over any of this and they just end up repeating in my head for days. How long do these neuro-emotions last for on average? Weeks? Months? 

 

Thank you all for your support throughout this forum. I've been really struggling lately and am desperate to get through and survive these emotions. I am feeling really hopeless right now, so any support or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Last taper was off of Lamictal (Lamotrigine): Started drop from 225 mg in April 2014 by going down 25 mg every 2 weeks. Then to 12.5 mg every 3 weeks. Then 10 mg every 3 weeks. Then 5 mg after 3.5 weeks. (using the chewable, dispersible pills) I had gone down to 30 mg, but was far too sick and went back up to 35. I then dropped back down to 30 mg, then 1 mg drops until 25 mg. Dropped off completely at 25 mg because the symptoms from taking the pills were becoming more unbearable than the withdrawal at times. Completely off as of 5/11/15. Update 10/28/15: Reinstated 0.0625 mg, meant to take 0.25, measured wrong. Only took 2 days.

I've gotten off of: Abilify, PRN Klonopin (0.5-1 mg) - no taper as took it infrequently, and Effexor (300 mg). Abilify and Effexor were rapid tapers around the beginning of 2014. After tapering Effexor and Abilify I tried taking Remeron and Topamax for a short time with very bad side effects. (I have taken numerous psych drugs over the years (starting in my early teens), but these were the ones I was on when getting off completely).

On 2/9/15, received a Promethazine injection for nausea, which caused pain, numbness, burning, shooting pain and was prescribed pain meds (made me sick and didn't help), 5 days of Prednisone, and some sort of anti-inflammatory. I had been doing somewhat better with Lamictal taper until this point.

Current Supplements: Omega-3 with Co Q-10: 1000 mg x 2, Vitamin C with Bioflavonoids and Rose Hips: 500 mg x 2, Multivitamin, Vitamin D, Probiotics

 

Dx: Asperger Syndrome (originally misdiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD), GAD, and PTSD

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thank you thank you thank you for posting about neuro emotions! I thought I was going crackers! my problem is I get a huge fear like 'I'm going to be annihilated in some way' and then I find clever ways which are vaguely possible that that may happen. I've also been raking over the past re-living every painful memory and now I can see this is just the WD. I've had raging anger, feelings of shame, feelings of betrayal but amplified 100 times. I'm so happy that I am not alone (not that I would wish this on anyone else it's just comforting to know this is a standard thing that can happen in WD).

Off Celexa/Citalopram experiencing withdrawal

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi,

 

I'm really struggling right now and having obsessive suicidal thoughts. I do not have any way of actually doing it, so am not too concerned about that part at the moment, but the thoughts are painful and unrelenting. I don't know if these are neuro emotions or me or both. I have been struggling with non-stop flashbacks about the endless ways I've lied and manipulated in my life. I've been allowing myself to feel these emotions, accept and acknowledge them, and have been actively trying to learn from them so I can better myself and not repeat this stuff in the future. I am making an honest and genuine effort to change my ways.

 

With that said, I am really struggling with deep guilt, shame, remorse, regret, etc. I have started seeing a therapist again and I've gone for 2 sessions so far. I've gotten more into buddhism and meditation recently as well. I cannot seem to forgive myself on any level, no matter what other people say to me when I admit the things I've done. Other people say I did what I needed to do to get by in a situation or whatever, but I'm not okay with that, as that does nothing about the fact that I hurt people in whatever ways. I hate myself, I'm disgusted by myself, and the more I try to forgive myself...the worse it gets and I feel like I deserve even less forgiveness.

 

How do I know what is me and what is withdrawal related? I know that my taper was far from ideal, but I don't know what to do at this point.

 

I'm really desperate and feel like I'm going insane at this point..

Last taper was off of Lamictal (Lamotrigine): Started drop from 225 mg in April 2014 by going down 25 mg every 2 weeks. Then to 12.5 mg every 3 weeks. Then 10 mg every 3 weeks. Then 5 mg after 3.5 weeks. (using the chewable, dispersible pills) I had gone down to 30 mg, but was far too sick and went back up to 35. I then dropped back down to 30 mg, then 1 mg drops until 25 mg. Dropped off completely at 25 mg because the symptoms from taking the pills were becoming more unbearable than the withdrawal at times. Completely off as of 5/11/15. Update 10/28/15: Reinstated 0.0625 mg, meant to take 0.25, measured wrong. Only took 2 days.

I've gotten off of: Abilify, PRN Klonopin (0.5-1 mg) - no taper as took it infrequently, and Effexor (300 mg). Abilify and Effexor were rapid tapers around the beginning of 2014. After tapering Effexor and Abilify I tried taking Remeron and Topamax for a short time with very bad side effects. (I have taken numerous psych drugs over the years (starting in my early teens), but these were the ones I was on when getting off completely).

On 2/9/15, received a Promethazine injection for nausea, which caused pain, numbness, burning, shooting pain and was prescribed pain meds (made me sick and didn't help), 5 days of Prednisone, and some sort of anti-inflammatory. I had been doing somewhat better with Lamictal taper until this point.

Current Supplements: Omega-3 with Co Q-10: 1000 mg x 2, Vitamin C with Bioflavonoids and Rose Hips: 500 mg x 2, Multivitamin, Vitamin D, Probiotics

 

Dx: Asperger Syndrome (originally misdiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD), GAD, and PTSD

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It's absolutely insane these emotions in WD..I struggle a lot with them at times..

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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It's absolutely insane these emotions in WD..I struggle a lot with them at times..

May I ask what emotions you struggle with most? Do you have suicidal ideation as well? Have you found any ways to cope with any of this or are just getting by until it hopefully passes one day? I've been trying so many different coping skills and find little relief.

Last taper was off of Lamictal (Lamotrigine): Started drop from 225 mg in April 2014 by going down 25 mg every 2 weeks. Then to 12.5 mg every 3 weeks. Then 10 mg every 3 weeks. Then 5 mg after 3.5 weeks. (using the chewable, dispersible pills) I had gone down to 30 mg, but was far too sick and went back up to 35. I then dropped back down to 30 mg, then 1 mg drops until 25 mg. Dropped off completely at 25 mg because the symptoms from taking the pills were becoming more unbearable than the withdrawal at times. Completely off as of 5/11/15. Update 10/28/15: Reinstated 0.0625 mg, meant to take 0.25, measured wrong. Only took 2 days.

I've gotten off of: Abilify, PRN Klonopin (0.5-1 mg) - no taper as took it infrequently, and Effexor (300 mg). Abilify and Effexor were rapid tapers around the beginning of 2014. After tapering Effexor and Abilify I tried taking Remeron and Topamax for a short time with very bad side effects. (I have taken numerous psych drugs over the years (starting in my early teens), but these were the ones I was on when getting off completely).

On 2/9/15, received a Promethazine injection for nausea, which caused pain, numbness, burning, shooting pain and was prescribed pain meds (made me sick and didn't help), 5 days of Prednisone, and some sort of anti-inflammatory. I had been doing somewhat better with Lamictal taper until this point.

Current Supplements: Omega-3 with Co Q-10: 1000 mg x 2, Vitamin C with Bioflavonoids and Rose Hips: 500 mg x 2, Multivitamin, Vitamin D, Probiotics

 

Dx: Asperger Syndrome (originally misdiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD), GAD, and PTSD

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  • 2 weeks later...

must keep in mind that the fear and anxiety maybe Neuro emotions...they are so intense!

The fear causes fear that I'll forever be this way... I live in terror 24/7...therapist doesn't know how to help me

It's like I woke up one day afraid of everything :(

How do others deal with the paralyzingly fear?

Also dealing w a lot of anger.

meds tapered @ 50% under psychiatrist June 2013 to October 2014 taper Effexor 150mg, Prozac 40mg,HRT,Gabapentine 500mg tid,Lamotrigine 25mg bid, Librium 5mg qid. October 2014 reduced final med prozac 40 mg-0mg in 4 weeks! 6 weeks later major wd kicked in. Off all meds oct 2014

supplements:Omega 3 4000mg, Vit D 2000mg,March added Inositol 6g 4/ day, TrueHope EMP 2.5 caps. + GabaMax (Phenyl gaba) 1/2 tsp 2/ day, choline bitartrate 250 mg up to 4/ day. June + ltryptophan adverse reaction.

Reinstatement 1 dose 10 mg fluoxetine. adverse reaction face & chest rash the next am...related?saw my neutrons firing, felt like brain swelled or was growing. Too high dose and possible interaction w supplements.June 22,15:Update...stopped emp plus.not sure if it was helping or hindering. Reduced inositol from 24 g/ day to 6 g @ bedtime w gabamax

June 1 mg x ?days, panicked! June, reduced to .50 mg x 2 days,family freaked out, back up to 1 mg

Sometimes think I maybe reacting to meds but it could also just be continuing or new wd symptoms. Occasional rash concerns me but I'm pretty sure an allergic rash would not be intermittent?

August: Prozac 1 mg, quetiepine 6.25 mg @ bedtime, omega 3, vit d doses same. inositol 1.5 tsp w 1/4 tsp gabamax (300 mg phenyl gaba + other ingredients)

Still experiencing disabling symptoms.

Disappointed that I don't feel better being off meds as many report experiencing sx but feel better in the mind...I feel worse. Learning to cope w sx

Mid August reduced inositol to 1.25tsp,gabapentin down to 1/8 + 1/2 of 1/16 tsp (going slow as anxiety increases w each reduction)

August 28: increased Prozac to 1.5 mg hoping for some relief.

Biggest problems now are fear,anxiety,depression along w the physical weak legs and exhaustion.

Upset with myself that I was drug free and then caved looking for relief. All is not lost just because I am taking minimal doses of these drugs. Must remain strong and have faith that I can do it without the drugs...

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to When the emotions come back ...
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