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BubbyBeth: I'm super confused!


BubbyBeth

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A week ago I lost emotions for my boyfriend which is very weird cause I know that I love him dearly. I remember praying for a good man to love and a couple of months later Xander shows up:) And he has been nothing but amazing and supportive with my WD. I'm confused cause once I felt like I lost feelings started happening, I started to think women were more attractive than Xander. I know its crazy cause I'm straight. I have never thought like this ever before while I was with Xander or any other man. I had experimented with only one women and it was only one time. And that was a year ago. And that was that. After that experience didn't want to do it again. And after that time I would only talk to men and have casual sex with them if I wanted. You can say before Xander I was sort of a tramp. Haha. I know theres nothing wrong with being gay. My sibling (sister/brother) is gay and I love her so much. But I honestly don't want to be gay. And I'm scared that this WD is gonna make me end up gay and when I recover I'll literally be gay:( I know that sounds weird but thats how my thoughts are. And I don't want to lose what I have with Xander cause deep deep down I still love him so much. I need help:(

Paxil10mg only for a week. Week 9 withdrawal.

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I haven't gotten my period since I quit Paxil cold turkey:( and that was two months ago. I was only taking Paxil for a week. I know thats not a long time but it still did alot of damage to me. This week I was suppose to have my period. My mind is playing all sorts of tricks on me. I feel like I don't find my boyfriend attractive anymore but thats weird cause I have been dating him for four months and I love him. I'm totally confused with my sexuality. Before the Paxil I loved everything about my boyfriend. And now I seem to love him less and its sad cause he's been so supportive with my withdrawal :(

Edited by KarenB
moved from Symptoms forum

Paxil10mg only for a week. Week 9 withdrawal.

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  • KarenB changed the title to BubbyBeth: I'm super confused!
  • Moderator Emeritus

All kinds of systems and organs are affected by SSRIs such as Paxil, not just your brain. For example, did you know that your intestines have 15-20 times more serotonin receptors than your brain? 

 

Anyway, your CNS (central nervous system) is interconnected quite closely with the endocrine system (pituitary, adrenals, thyroid, ovaries/testes). Because your endocrine and reproductive hormones were affected by Paxil, disturbances in both libido and menstrual cycle are not uncommon. You may want to keep some drug store pregnancy tests on hand just to be sure.

 

Other members have posted about similar issues:

PMS and other menstrual concerns during withdrawal.

Lost my feelings for my boyfriend and want them back.

Edited by scallywag
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This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I forgot to ask you to create a signature that contains your medication and withdrawal history.

 

A request: Would you summarize your history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly?

  • Any drugs prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years.
  • Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago)
  • Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016.
  • Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses.
  • A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs.
  • You can find instructions in this topic: Please put your withdrawal history in signature.

Quick link to Signature settings: Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi BubbyBeth,

 

I'm sorry things have become so confusing due to the drugs.  We actually have quite a few people here who have experienced the same or similar emotional issues as yourself.  Have a look at Lost My Feelings for My Boyfriend and Derealisation/Depersonalisation to see some of the conversations.  With time, it will come right again, but it can be very strange when you're in it.  In that second thread, Alto describes depersonalisation as 'a feeling of not really being present, or being behind glass, or not living one's life and feeling one's feelings -- being an observer.'

 

I see you've already found the thread on Hormones etc.  (And I'm assuming you've ruled out pregnancy as a cause of the missing periods?)  Psychiatric drugs can have quite a big effect on our hormones.  It's frustrating, but as with other withdrawal symptoms it will come right over time.  Two months is actually fairly short-term where brain healing is concerned. 

 

We recommend a gentle taper, reducing by no more than 10% of your current dose each month.  This allows your brain time to adjust as you go, and lessens any withdrawal.  When people taper faster than this, or cold-turkey as you did, it is quite a shock to the brain. 

 

The troublesome thing with SSRIs is that you can't just flush their effects out of your system.  They change the way your brain works, and that takes much longer to heal.  Suddenly stopping the drug puts your brain and Central Nervous System into shock.  It's like yanking a trellis out of a garden instead of gently untangling the plants and slowly removing the wood – it’s too much trauma for the plants/your brain.  (For the source of that simile, plus further discussion, see http://survivinganti...el-your-brain/)

 

Have you had any other withdrawal symptoms?  Symptom checklist

Many people find Fish oil and Magnesium useful during withdrawal.   

 

Have a read of those and then you can come back to this thread to discuss things further.  This can be your journal to record your tapering and healing progress, and to ask questions.  When we know more details about your drug history and symptoms, we can help you work out the next steps.

 

Welcome to SA,

Karen

 

 

 

Edited by KarenB

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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11 minutes ago, KarenB said:

Hi BubbyBeth,

 

I'm sorry things have become so confusing due to the drugs.  We actually have quite a few people here who have experienced the same or similar emotional issues as yourself.  Have a look at Lost My Feelings for My Boyfriend and Derealisation/Depersonalisation to see some of the conversations.  With time, it will come right again, but it can be very strange when you're in it.  In that second thread, Alto describes depersonalisation as 'a feeling of not really being present, or being behind glass, or not living one's life and feeling one's feelings -- being an observer.'

 

I see you've already found the thread on Hormones etc.  (And I'm assuming you've ruled out pregnancy as a cause of the missing periods?)  Psychiatric drugs can have quite a big effect on our hormones.  It's frustrating, but as with other withdrawal symptoms it will come right over time.  Two months is actually fairly short-term where brain healing is concerned. 

 

We recommend a gentle taper, reducing by no more than 10% of your current dose each month.  This allows your brain time to adjust as you go, and lessens any withdrawal.  When people taper faster than this, or cold-turkey as you did, it is quite a shock to the brain. 

 

The troublesome thing with SSRIs is that you can't just flush their effects out of your system.  They change the way your brain works, and that takes much longer to heal.  Suddenly stopping the drug puts your brain and Central Nervous System into shock.  It's like yanking a trellis out of a garden instead of gently untangling the plants and slowly removing the wood – it’s too much trauma for the plants/your brain.  (For the source of that simile, plus further discussion, see http://survivinganti...el-your-brain/)

 

Have you had any other withdrawal symptoms?  Symptom checklist

Many people find Fish oil and Magnesium useful during withdrawal.   

 

Have a read of those and then you can come back to this thread to discuss things further.  This can be your journal to record your tapering and healing progress, and to ask questions.  When we know more details about your drug history and symptoms, we can help you work out the next steps.

 

Welcome to SA,

Karen

 

 

 

Thank you so much:) I really appreciate it:) I don't know how to work this site very well sorry. I'm trying to get the hang it.

Paxil10mg only for a week. Week 9 withdrawal.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Yeah, it's a big place to find your way around.  Maybe just start by putting any questions you have in this thread (your Intro thread).  That way all your stuff stays in one place.  You can click on those links from Scallywag and myself, and that'll take you to the important things to read.  The signature we linked to would be the first thing to do.

 

Don't worry too much - it'll start to make sense once you've been here a while. 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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10 hours ago, scallywag said:

All kinds of systems and organs are affected by SSRIs such as Paxil, not just your brain. For example, did you know that your intestines have 15-20 times more serotonin receptors than your brain? 

 

Anyway, your CNS (central nervous system) is interconnected quite closely with the endocrine system (pituitary, adrenals, thyroid, ovaries/testes). Because your endocrine and reproductive hormones were affected by Paxil, disturbances in both libido and menstrual cycle are not uncommon. You may want to keep some drug store pregnancy tests on hand just to be sure.

 

Other members have posted about similar issues:

PMS and other menstrual concerns during withdrawal.

Lost my feelings for my boyfriend and want them back.

Thank you so much!:) I really do appreciate it!

Paxil10mg only for a week. Week 9 withdrawal.

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  • Moderator

Would you please tell us about that one week when you did take the paxil. What were your symptoms, how bad were they and how much you were taking, what made you stop taking it, that sort of thing.

 

Paxil is a very strong drug that can affect some people very badly with just a few doses.  Those effects, however, will clear up given time.  All the things you've mentioned so far are very common side effects of taking paxil.  I experienced all but one of them myself.  I'm a guy so I'll leave it up to you to figure out which one.  I was on a very high does for a very long time, but over the course of my taper ALL of those symptoms have sorted themselves out and returned to normal.  I am now more in love with my wife then I have ever been, even though those feelings were inaccessible just a few years ago.  The big thing right now is to not panic and trust in your mind and body to do what is required to recover.  As you give us more information we'll be able to give more targeted advise.  But for right now be reassured that you will get that loving feeling back.

 

Brassmonkey

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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2 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

Would you please tell us about that one week when you did take the paxil. What were your symptoms, how bad were they and how much you were taking, what made you stop taking it, that sort of thing.

 

Paxil is a very strong drug that can affect some people very badly with just a few doses.  Those effects, however, will clear up given time.  All the things you've mentioned so far are very common side effects of taking paxil.  I experienced all but one of them myself.  I'm a guy so I'll leave it up to you to figure out which one.  I was on a very high does for a very long time, but over the course of my taper ALL of those symptoms have sorted themselves out and returned to normal.  I am now more in love with my wife then I have ever been, even though those feelings were inaccessible just a few years ago.  The big thing right now is to not panic and trust in your mind and body to do what is required to recover.  As you give us more information we'll be able to give more targeted advise.  But for right now be reassured that you will get that loving feeling back.

 

Brassmonkey

I was taking 10 mg and by the third day I was getting homicidal thoughts. So I thought maybe it will go away if I took it for a week. I was wrong. The sad part is that all the problems started on my birthday:(  on my last day on Paxil I went to pick up my boyfriend and when I saw him, it felt like if I didn't know him at all. That's when I stopped. I didn't taper cause I didn't think I needed so since I only took it for a week. For a  whole month in a half I was convinced that I was a serial killer. I wanted to hurt my family and others. But thanks to God that has passed. And I did all of this without any medical attention. Now I'm just really depressed, as I mentioned my thoughts on my boyfriend are weird and I never had them before. He is a really good man:) Its just terribly amazing how I'm still going through withdrawal and I only took it for a week. I honestly don't understand. This week was my 8th week of withdrawal. Thanks your so much for your words. I really really appreciate it?

Paxil10mg only for a week. Week 9 withdrawal.

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My symptoms: 

Shaking + leg and hang twitching 

Aggressive

Extreme Confusion 

Apathy 

Increased appetite 

Bruxism

Concentration impaired 

Libido is weird 

Crying most of the time

Vision - seeing white and black splats.

Paxil10mg only for a week. Week 9 withdrawal.

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  • Moderator

That really helps, thanks.  When you get a chance it would be really great if you would fill out a signature block with this information.  I think Scallywag gave you a link for that somewhere above.

 

From what you're describing we can rule out an adverse reaction, which is a good thing.  It would have been like getting hit by a ton of bricks with very intense negative symptoms.  It can take a long time to stabilize from and longer to recover from.  Scary as they might seem homicidal thoughts are fairly common and you don't have to worry about them unless you actually start making plans or start having uncontrollable rages.  Neither of which you seem to be doing.  These drugs, and paxil in particular, have a bad habit of digging up the things your fear most, making them feel a lot worse and not letting you think about anything else.  They also suppress our self censoring mechanisms so rash and outrageous things seem to be alright. This makes thoughts of self harming or hurting others fairly common and hard to disbelieve or turn off.  Believe me, some of the thoughts that have come into my mind over the past several years I wouldn't talk to any one about, but I learned to understand that they were being caused by the drugs and had nothing to do with the "real me".  Once the drugs were removed the thoughts faded and are no longer a concern. I'm very glad to hear that your nasty thoughts have passed, they can be pretty scary.

 

The way these drugs work is not to decrease depression or anxiety, but rather to suppress ALL of our emotions.  With some people this happens slowly over time, while with others it can happen from the first dose.  We have a number of members who have only taken the drugs for a week or less and suffered intense suppression of their emotions.  The good thing is that they have or are recovering everything they have lost.  

 

Stopping CT after just a week should not be a problem.  There should be no need to try to reinstate and taper, that would probably be counter productive. That being said though, recovery can take a lot longer time than expected.  For being eight weeks out it sounds like you're experiencing the normal things.  Over the years we have learned that each individual recovers at a different rate so it's next to impossible to say how long it will take, but it does happen, and one can feel the improvements as they go along.  We have a huge database of techniques to help make it easier, and a lot of support along the way.  So don't hesitate to ask.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Thank you so much Brassmonkey! 

 I'm filled up with a lot of hope now. I really appreciate it! Hopefully in another month or so things will clear up. 

I'm just so tired of being this "thing"

I know I have to try my best to leave my house and get active. My boyfriend has been so helpful. He found this website for me. It just breaks my heart to see him cry over my depression and confusion. The last time I saw him, he held me and said "I wish I could take it away". He has been so strong for me. I'm just glad that he can still make me laugh:)

Paxil10mg only for a week. Week 9 withdrawal.

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Is it normal to be sleepy most of the time? I took 10mg of Paxil or a week only because I had a really bad suicidal thoughts. I'm on week 9 withdrawal ?

Paxil10mg only for a week. Week 9 withdrawal.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I've moved your post/question to your introduction topic so that all your information, questions and answers are in one place. Moderators and members tend to look at the introduction topics first, so it's the best place to ask your questions.

 

A tip: Ask your question at the very start of your message, then state the reasons why you're asking. Putting the question first makes your question visible in previews and will likely get faster responses.

 

Sleepiness is both a known adverse effect ("side" effect) of these medications and a withdrawal symptom. Either way, it is something that is likely to ease and then resolve over time. I searched the forum and didn't find any topics on sleepiness. There were a few on fatigue which is a different thing, in my experience, than sleepiness.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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17 hours ago, BubbyBeth said:

Is it normal to be sleepy most of the time? I took 10mg of Paxil or a week only because I had a really bad suicidal thoughts. I'm on week 9 withdrawal ?

 

Negative thoughts take a lot of your energy, just like the whole w\d experience in general. So, yes I take a lot of naps :)

 

Are you ok?

Took my first SSRI sipralexa/lexapro/escitalopram in 2007 for depression. In 2010 the doctor switched me to paroxetine/seroxat/paxil for anxiety.

My paroxetine story from then on:

 

2010-15 from 10mg up to 20mg

jan 2016 30mg

may 2016 0mg cold turkey (don't!)

dec 2016 symptoms: anxiety, tremor (could barely stand)

jan 2017 reinstated at 7.5mg to taper in steps of 10%

...

Dose changes from may 2017 to now: 

5.0/4.7/4.4/4.0/3.7/3.5/3.3/3.1mg

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Thank you:) I just wish I was back to normal again. I'm pretty sure everyone on here wishes that.

Paxil10mg only for a week. Week 9 withdrawal.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Last night I woke up cause I peed myself. This has never happened to me in my adult life:( then the next day my anxiety was really bad. Which is kinda a good sign cause I haven't had feelings in months. Any comments will be appreciated :)

Edited by scallywag
merged topics

Paxil10mg only for a week. Week 9 withdrawal.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Beth, Here's a discussion where others have posted about urinary and bladder issues. It's an old discusssion, last post = April 2013, but you'll see that you're not alone in having this issue.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment
  • 3 years later...
On 6/9/2017 at 5:02 PM, BubbyBeth said:

I haven't gotten my period since I quit Paxil cold turkey:( and that was two months ago. I was only taking Paxil for a week. I know thats not a long time but it still did alot of damage to me. This week I was suppose to have my period. My mind is playing all sorts of tricks on me. I feel like I don't find my boyfriend attractive anymore but thats weird cause I have been dating him for four months and I love him. I'm totally confused with my sexuality. Before the Paxil I loved everything about my boyfriend. And now I seem to love him less and its sad cause he's been so supportive with my withdrawal :(

What ever happened with your sexuality? Did it eventually go back to normal?

 

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