Jsvetz: Am I treatment resistant? A battle from 12 to 21

[JockSmith]

 

 

I can't remember ever being happy. I never felt like I fit in and relationships were hard to foster. I felt like an outcast, drawing on my musical and visual influences to drive home that point. 

 

Listening to Blind Melon I had my first suicide attempt. After that in 2008 I was put on 20mg of Prozac (medicine is right but dose could have been a little higher, it was a long time ago).

 

From there I stayed on Prozac until 2010 and stayed medication free until my anxiety became so crippling that I couldn't walk in a gym around acquaintances in 2012.

 

Then, I was put on Bupropion which was a huge failure and then Paxil, which I stuck with Until 2014 before it's effects dwindled. 

 

During that time my depression became unbearable and I couldn't be by myself without crying. I had to leave school my senior year for 3 months and reset everything, return to therapy and look for a new medication. Eventually mid-way through my freshman year of college at the  I was given cymbalta at the end of 2014. 

 

i thought I finally found it. While there was ups and downs the cymbalta helped tremendously, I almost went off pills completely near the end of 2016, and then extra stresses forced me to try extra Wellbutrin with a cymbalta dose increase. This was a disaster and caused a breakdown and second suicide attempt which landed me in the hospital. The doctor switched me to 75 mg Effexor and it did ok for awhile but my anxiety was through the roof. After two months it was too much and my doc added 300mg gabapentin 3x a day. 

 

This is kind of worked for a month and a half before I started to lose my energy, have the racing beating down thoughts and the loss of interest again. 

 

Last month the doc tried upping my Effexor  to 100 with disasterous results. 

 

Now I feel stuck. 

 

Its not normal to wake up with no energy and a loss of interest in anything. 

 

Have i I been on pills too long? 

Do I need to take SSRIs or Tricyclate? Tricyclate deal with atypical depression, which fits well due to my inconsistent mood and spiraling ups and downs. 

 

Im not bi polar, but one doc said I have characteristics of personality disorder, which would explain the "high" highs and "low" lows. I just need help. 

 

Im a semester away from graduating and I don't want to take a pause right before the finish line. I'm a leader in most of my major studies clubs and a well-liked person on campus living in one of the most popular houses at school. Why am I so sad? 

 

I just need advice. Get on new pills, get off pills, what pills worked well temporarily. At this point, I just want to get by. Please help me. 

[baroquep]

Hi Jsvetz, Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants.  It certainly sounds like you have had some major challenges to deal with at such a young age.  I'm not sure if you are aware but Surviving Antidepressants is a site to help assist people to taper safely off of and discontinue antidepressants and not a site to advise people on a change of medication.  Do you have access to a counsellor or psychologist on campus that might be able to assist you over the semester to help make sense of the ups and downs that you have been experiencing.

If I were you, and so close to graduation, I wouldn't consider a change to my medication at this time as long as things are manageable on a day-to-day basis.  It sounds like you do have a lot of things going well for you right now, that you are a leader in your study clubs and a well-liked person are certainly positives.  Changing medications, as you found with Effexor, can be difficult to adjust to and oftentimes makes things worse.     

 

You might find that the antidepressants that you have tried over the years have contributed to the issues that you have experienced.  Personally, I never really experienced any relief from antidepressants and they actually made me feel more depressed as time when by.  What you describe as no energy, a loss of interest in life is known as anhedonia and known to be caused by antidepressant use.  I've attached a link that provides a little bit of information.  

 

Anhedonia / Apathy / Demotivation / Emotional Numbness

 

Am wondering if you might be interested in reading up a little on the effects of antidepressants on the central nervous system and how they can often contribute to the problems that people experience when they are taking them long-term.  

 

Recommended books on Antidepressants

 

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing, looking forward to hearing about the day you graduate and move into the next phase of your life.  

Edited October 10, 2017 by baroquep

[nz11]

Hi Jock how are you.

Have you graduated now?

Any thoughts about tapering off drugs.