Psvt: Misdiagnosis ... because every ill must be anxiety, stress and depression?

[Psvt]

On ‎7‎/‎02‎/‎2018 at 7:43 PM, Longestroadhome said:

Hi PSVT, wow what a story. It doesn’t surprise me but it still upsets me when I hear things like this. I am glad you finally got a diagnosis but sorry you were put through hell. 

 

I am a slow withdrawer of meds. I don’t know what it’s like to CT but after reading many stories here I am thankful I didn’t do that. It is still hard coming off slowly but perhaps the landing is softer. 

 

I find the wondows come come more often once I have reached the 4 month phase after a cut. And usually they follow a particularly bad day. Not always but a lot of the time!  I pray you will start to see more windows in your journey. 

 

Thank You for your prayers.

 

I am still unwell and just past the five months mark. Missing out on so much life and struggling with the idea of ever getting well again. So tired, physically, mentally, emotionally, all of it. I have heard and read so many stories of people who CT, rapid taper or slow taper and to be honest I am unsure if there is really a right way to go about it given all of their experiences. Everyone IS different but I am really scared of the promises that EVERYONE DOES HEAL. I am not sure anymore..........

[Psvt]

14 hours ago, LexAnger said:

Hi psvt,

 

your post to aeroman thread about your 20 min window brought me to your main intro page. I had the exact experience about the tiny window at month 5 off.

 

my god, I'm speechless after reading what you went through multiple severe drug reactions! I'm proud of you with the determination of not going back to those poisons rather touching it out being meds free. I had multiple reactions to lexapro updose but stayed on it for a while before stopping for  fear of WD.

 

this most horrodous battle is beyond words can describe, but please keep the faith that we will all heal eventually. I found Trying to be more positive helps with healing, even  I know so well sometimes you just can't be positive as the damage by these poisons are actually making it impossible. But try your best whenever possible, it helps.

 

we stopped the drug around the same time, I will be following you from now on. I don't come here much any more but update every month or so.

 

hope you get more wider windows and few shorter waves, and I believe you will!!

 

 

lex 

 

Thanks Lexanger

 

I was very very ill about a week after I started Pristiq and I told my GP numerous times but she just said to "keep going" as it takes about 6-8 weeks to kick in and start working. When after that time she saw what a mess I was in it was obvious she was in too far over her head and didn't know what to do so she handballed me off to a psychiatrist. I also started seeing psychologist after I was off all drugs that I was seeing a few years back but, although he understood discontinuation syndrome, he didn't really get it because I was in the throws of major panic attacks and unnatural anxiety every day from the chemical torture and chemical anxiety/panic he continued to try and find the "smoking gun" being childhood trauma or some other BS even though I kept telling him that my anxiety was from the "meds" and nothing else. So I stopped going because he was freaking me out more and that was also when my agoraphobia starting kicking in.

 

I can forgive my GP for the first time of prescribing me Lexapro because my SVT heart problems could not be diagnosed because of the inconsistency of the episodes and the only way that it can be diagnosed is via an ECG and so even I started to believe I must have some deep rooted anxiety issues nonetheless I am flabbergasted at how she can then diagnose me with Major depression disorder and give me the harsh drug of Prisitiq even after my heart episodes had finally been found. I have been hard on myself about this also but I am no coming to terms that it was not my fault and that I was also dealing with withdrawal from Lexapro and very easily suggestable and vulnerable  although I did put up a pretty good fight but I succumbed to taking them.......and am I paying for this now.

 

Everyone in my life is still telling me to get back on the meds but I wont, I cant. they tell I'm depressed and I say no ****, I'm as sick as a dog because of the meds. I just hope I have the strength to get through this because it is waning..........I really need to start seeing some windows for motivation. Like I just wrote in my previous post to Longroad I am starting to question this everyone heals thing........??? I am not so sure anymore!

[LexAnger]

I know how you feel and you have all the right to be angry about what happened and others did to you! It took me 2 whole year to overcome the grief before full acceptance when the healing started. I also totally understand the hopelessness while in deepest water of this hell like no other, I was there for 5 whole years and am still in depth of it. I kept reading success stories to keep my faith in this long journey and the recently tiny windows gives me hope that, regardless how long it takes, our brain will find its home state. From what I experienced first hand for so many years fighting this incredible battle, for those who reacted badly to these drugs, going back is not an option so we have no other options but keep going.  The tiny windows and hopefully some other improvement (even they are so hard to notice such as symptoms not as intense or consistent) you experienced are the true signs of healing.

 

you must know where to find the success stories in this forum, you can also check the benzo buddies site for lots more great success stories.

[Psvt]

8 Months 4 days off...........8 months 4 days..........................

 

I have nothing to say............everyone else has or will say it already.

 

It is relentless..........apparently TIME is the HEALER. Well FATHER TIME, hurry up already. 

 

My "humanness" and everything that connects me to the living world is gone. There is no connection to the living.........Mother Earth........

 

The Energy that binds us all, human, plants, animals, nature together.......Quantum Mechanics if you will......gone! 

 

Inhumane and barbaric torture brought about by fraudulent "medicine" imposed upon us by money hungry grubs with a GOD complex.

 

I have never been one for this "hocus pocus" type thinking because I was too busy living, working, raising kids, building businesses, building houses, having sex, going out being relatively healthy (other than my PSVT)and being a part of this world rarely thinking about existential ponderings but, now that I have been cut off from this I now know that there is some sort of "energy" that connects us to being human, nature and all things.

 

I have spent many an hour contemplating my "revenge" on my doctor but now I don't really care for her as there is no way I could ever change her narcissistic cavalier attitude and now just want to be well as this has affected me (and many of my fellow comrades) and my family in ways that no human should have to endure, the symptoms, both mental and physical is unadulterated to say the least.

 

Missing Birthdays, Xmas, Easter, Wedding Anniversary, picnics and on and on and on while my Doctor is on her third trip overseas since she threw me into this debacle!

 

Anyway, back to dealing with this "Fear" and "anxiety" and twitching muscles and nausea and GI issues while I wait for time to pass, hoping that Full recovery eventually turns up one day.....................

 

Anthony

 

Edited October 11, 2018 by ChessieCat
removed obscenities

[Psvt]

Coincidence...….

 

Be it Professor Ashton's Birthday, W-BAD and my 9 months anniversary of being off psych meds, a.k.a poison, I find myself here (and benzo buddies) again reading the stories of all those harmed by these ignorant, uneducated, narcissistics with a God complex only to find out that my very own of a doctor is off for a whole month travelling the world again (for the fourth time since she misdiagnosed me and sent me to reside with the devil himself). I am deeply hurt and saddened to see the quantity of people so ill, so sick and scared almost to the point of believing they are "out of their mind" or thinking that they are going to be, Hell, I have thought the same thing myself many a time.

 

Thankfully over the past couple of days I have had some relief in symptoms even with an air of confidence and positivity that this might actually all go away eventually. Intrusive thoughts are lessening ( but not gone), energy levels are increasing (slightly), internal vibrations are starting to feel more isolated to body parts (instead of entire body), my GI issues are calming down (slowly) and the elevated anxiety and fear levels are also starting to dissipate. Tinnitus and muscle twitching still sucks Balls though!!!! At one stage a few months back I could not even have a shower because of pain, tingling and fear and now......I deeply enjoy this most mundane and taken for granted thing that I can spend a long time in there now just allowing the hot water flow over me.....remarkable.

 

I need to acknowledge the one other than my family to get me through this to this point....Baylissa Fredericks....she is relentless in her efforts to maintain everyone's thoughts on healing......her energy and spirit is remarkable and truly is of super human proportions.

 

That's enough of my rant today, obviously still need to address my hatred of the medical community at the moment and most specifically my (ex) GP. 

 

I am still thinking of how I am going to pay it forward once all the dust settles, hopefully it will be something more significant and in addition to just

writing a success story and hanging around for awhile to help those in the thick of it.....anyway, first I got to get well!

 

Continued healing to all of you,, those tapering, those who have recently jumped and those that are now some time away from the drugs.

 

Anthony

 

Edited October 11, 2018 by ChessieCat
removed obscenities

[Hopetobefree]

So happy to hear that you're getting some relief from the withdrawals Anthony you definitely deserve it! It gives me hope that things can change for the better for me too as I'm about 5 months behind you in this torture. Rough day today for me lots of dark and sad thoughts that I'll never heal. I'm sitting on the beach alone while my husband is exploring the beach with the girls. Another day where I feel so useless as a mum and wife that I can't join in with their fun. But I wanted to say thank you for mentioning Baylissa Frederick because I joined her site and had a phone counselling session the other day. She really helped reaffirm that we all heal no matter what. She's helped 10,000 people now. It's going to be the hardest time of our lives but we will be so much happier for it. I've just started a counselling course (crazy I know) I don't know if I can get through it but have been putting it off for years because of the iatrogenic damage I've endured. If I finish the course I will make it my aim to help get people of theses poisons safely. I will also like to start a class action here in Australia against the pharmaceutical companies once I'm well enough and have my confidence back. I've already spoken to a few fellow Aussie sufferers who would support this. It's about making as much noise as possible because too many people are dying or have there lives severely impacted by these meds world wide. I know without a doubt this torture is why my 18 year old brother took his life! 

Hopefully you've had some more positive changes in the past fortnight. Take care,

 

Hope

[Psvt]

On ‎7‎/‎28‎/‎2018 at 12:14 PM, Hopetobefree said:

So happy to hear that you're getting some relief from the withdrawals Anthony you definitely deserve it! It gives me hope that things can change for the better for me too as I'm about 5 months behind you in this torture. Rough day today for me lots of dark and sad thoughts that I'll never heal. I'm sitting on the beach alone while my husband is exploring the beach with the girls. Another day where I feel so useless as a mum and wife that I can't join in with their fun. But I wanted to say thank you for mentioning Baylissa Frederick because I joined her site and had a phone counselling session the other day. She really helped reaffirm that we all heal no matter what. She's helped 10,000 people now. It's going to be the hardest time of our lives but we will be so much happier for it. I've just started a counselling course (crazy I know) I don't know if I can get through it but have been putting it off for years because of the iatrogenic damage I've endured. If I finish the course I will make it my aim to help get people of theses poisons safely. I will also like to start a class action here in Australia against the pharmaceutical companies once I'm well enough and have my confidence back. I've already spoken to a few fellow Aussie sufferers who would support this. It's about making as much noise as possible because too many people are dying or have there lives severely impacted by these meds world wide. I know without a doubt this torture is why my 18 year old brother took his life! 

Hopefully you've had some more positive changes in the past fortnight. Take care,

 

Hope

 

Hi Hope

 

Baylissa has been an angel for me, especially when the proverbial "S**t hit the fan" stage and I had no idea of what was going on other than I had definitely lost my mind! Glad you have got some benefit and validation.

 

Given this trauma you (and all) have to endure I believe you will be to complete your counselling course and having first hand real life experience like Baylissa……….. what a great counsellor you will make.

 

I myself have looked into starting a foundation to help sufferers and raise awareness of this unfathomable thing that is rampant world wide so once this is over we will need to look into "giving back". I know that Big Pharma and the Medico's have money so, raising money to fight these guys at their level is what I would like to accomplish. A fair fight, as right now we have very little chance because they just influence to many outlets to protect the old cash cow.

 

Sorry for you brother, this is unnecessary torture but given the thoughts that I've had over the past months I understand how this can happen.

 

 

 

[Psvt]

10 months 2 days off...….yes, TEN MONTHS and TWO DAYS.

 

UN-BELEIVABLE!!!!!!!!!!

 

Unadulterated torture.

 

Fear, Anxiety, Intrusive thoughts, Muscle twitches, GI Issues, fatigue, anhedonia and on and on it goes.

 

Do we all heal?  Apparently yes, everybody says so, other than the doctors! They say we are mentally ill, underlying issues, need meds to treat the chemical imbalance, need to go to a mental facility.  But I never had this crap before I started eating this poison. Now my actual medical diagnosis (that was resolved with surgery) is now my underlying illness? What tha….?

 

Career gone. I don't even want to calculate the damage this has done to my finances but it is well over 1/4 million dollars allowing for lost income, investments divested and opportunity lost and I have no idea when I am going to be well. Don't get me started of hours wasted in torment of not being in the world, out and about, doing the mundane every day ordinary things that people do.

 

Baylissa

Matt Samet

Professor Ashton

Ian SIngleton

Una Corbett

Aeroman

Pug

Bellisimo

Don KIllian

Luke Montagu

Dr Peter Breggin

(and all the success stories)

 

They all say we all get better but, I still doubt that full recovery is doable, and when I get moments of positivity where I think "maybe, maybe I will get through this and will get my soul back, symptoms will go and I can continue being a father and raise my daughters" it quickly gets swallowed up in despair as I am confined to my own personal mental torture chamber and a body that is stuck in a "hard labour" prison sentence.

 

Well I cant get well again listening to the doctors, so I will have to continue with the blind faith of those out there in the ethernet (that I have never met and probably never will) that this will end with more time and space from the poison. 

 

Keep Truckin Peeps!

 

Edited October 11, 2018 by ChessieCat
removed obscenities

[Martina23]

PSVT, it will get better. It is not everything gone by me, but there is a lot of gone by now.

[jozeff]

Hello psvt 

 

I'm so sorry that you had to go through all this! I just finished reading your story and it's just tremendously awful what you have experienced. 

I'm in celexa withdrawal myself. From 25 to 16.5 mg in 85 days and feeling absolutely s..t

How fast did you taper from 20 my cita in April 2017?

 

They all say healing is for everyone but that's hard to believe sometimes.

I wish you all the best from the other side of the earth (Netherlands). 

 

Best wishes and hope you get well really soon!!

 

Jozeff

[Psvt]

On ‎8‎/‎13‎/‎2018 at 8:23 PM, jozeff said:

Hello psvt 

 

I'm so sorry that you had to go through all this! I just finished reading your story and it's just tremendously awful what you have experienced. 

I'm in celexa withdrawal myself. From 25 to 16.5 mg in 85 days and feeling absolutely s..t

How fast did you taper from 20 my cita in April 2017?

 

They all say healing is for everyone but that's hard to believe sometimes.

I wish you all the best from the other side of the earth (Netherlands). 

 

Best wishes and hope you get well really soon!!

 

Jozeff

Hi Jozeff

 

Only over a couple of weeks, Doctors advice and I had no better understanding if how dangerous and toxic these drugs are!

 

Please be careful of that Benzodiazepine you are using, also very addictive and with terrible side effects and withdrawal syndromes.

 

Regards

 

Anthony

[Psvt]

11 months, 1 day...……………………...do the crime do the time...……….hang on, I did nothing wrong! Falsely accused and wrongly committed!

 

TIME! TIME! and some more TIME...….

 

Improvements? Yes. Almost imperceptible but improvements nonetheless. 

 

Waves? Yes, some awful horrors! Nothing short of inhumane torment, torture and anguish.

 

Still homebound and logging the hours till I get paroled from this sentence. Herion ain't got nothing on this crap to ruin someone's life.

 

Keep on trucking!

 

Edited October 11, 2018 by ChessieCat
removed obscenity

[Psvt]

Happy Anniversary...….1 yr......12 months......three hundred and sixty five days off.

 

Not much to say really...…………….same sh*t, different day. Might change my name to Punxsutawney Phil.

 

Hope of recovery is fading, and I don't want to hear that "youre only 12 months off, still early in this, withdrawal can last years"

 

Torment, torture, anguish and pain continue.

 

 

Edited October 11, 2018 by ChessieCat
removed obscenity

[jozeff]

Ok psvt,

 

 

Congratulations! You made it. One year without this sh.t.

 

It's criminal that you are still suffering so much. Do you think it's WD from pristiq or sensitivity to Lexapro you are having the most trouble with?

 

Your story seems to be a little more positive so you are definitely on the right track. I hope you are going to be better soon and you will be the dad and the person again who you want to be. I'm trying to come off of citalopram and my wife and little boy have been suffering too much also unfortunately.

 

I didn't get your Punxsutawney joke but hey.......I'm from the Netherlands!

 

 

have a great day and heal a little more?

 

Cheers

 

jozeff

 

 

 

 

[ChessieCat]

7 minutes ago, jozeff said:

I didn't get your Punxsutawney joke but hey.......I'm from the Netherlands!

 

I didn't get it either, I'm from Australia, and had to look it up:

 

From wiki:  Punxsutawney Phil Sowerby is the name of a groundhog in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.

 

And the movie Groundhog Day where the same day keeps repeating whenever the guy wakes up.

[Psvt]

15 minutes ago, jozeff said:

Ok psvt,

 

 

Congratulations! You made it. One year without this sh.t.

 

It's criminal that you are still suffering so much. Do you think it's WD from pristiq or sensitivity to Lexapro you are having the most trouble with?

 

Your story seems to be a little more positive so you are definitely on the right track. I hope you are going to be better soon and you will be the dad and the person again who you want to be. I'm trying to come off of citalopram and my wife and little boy have been suffering too much also unfortunately.

 

I didn't get your Punxsutawney joke but hey.......I'm from the Netherlands!

 

 

have a great day and heal a little more?

 

Cheers

 

jozeff

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Jozeff

 

Thanks for your kind words, they are appreciated. I am sorry that not only you but your family suffer this tragedy as well. Truly heartbreaking the reach of tentacles of Big Pharma and ignorant doctors.

 

Without doubt it is the Pristiq, I had a terrible reaction to it within a handful of days of taking this garbage and have not been the same since, and I asked my GP to get me off it but she said to "keep going, keep going, it takes 8 weeks to kick in" and this idiot (namely me who did not listen to his gut instincts) believed my doctor.

 

As the saying goes....Hindsight is always 20/20 vision

 

Now as far as Punxsutawney Phil...…..Maybe its a generation or cultural gap but you really need to see the movie...Groundhog Day!

A light comedy (good for withdrawal) and succinctly accounts for the monotonous struggle of getting through what seems a never ending journey.

 

Aka: Withdrawal

[Psvt]

24 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

I didn't get it either, I'm from Australia, and had to look it up:

 

From wiki:  Punxsutawney Phil Sowerby is the name of a groundhog in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.

 

And the movie Groundhog Day where the same day keeps repeating whenever the guy wakes up.

 

You have not seen this movie? This is why everyone (most people) refer to withdrawal as groundhog day...….the same day keeps repeating whenever they wake up.

 

And yes, Punxsutawney Phil was a way to reference "Groundhog day". I am Australian also but, without going too in depth, Phil (the groundhog) decides if winter is going to be extended a further 6 weeks if he sees his shadow and returns to his hole.

 

Anyway...…………..

[ChessieCat]

35 minutes ago, PSVT said:

You have not seen this movie?

 

Yes I have seen the movie but didn't know the name.

[jozeff]

Ok now it's clear!

 

I'm 42 years old and I have seen this movie long time ago. Love bill Murray.

 

In the Netherlands we are pretty focussed on the US but we also  have a lot of different countries and cultures around us. 

 

I'll watch this movie again! Thanks for the tip. This WD feels like every day the same misery again sometimes that's for sure

 

Jozeff

 

 

 

 

[ChessieCat]

Or as JanCarol would say, rinse and repeat.

[TreeElf]

MAN, this makes me mad! (and I've been trying to practice forgiveness and acceptance lol...will start again now). I can't believe you went through all this, and you weren't even 'mentally ill' remotely to begin with. It's just....gaaaaa, this system. It's just awful, you have shown great strength. No idea how you cope with a family and relationship on top of all this.

 

The thing about healing, I've come to believe, is that no, not everyone heals. Not everyone gets this nice life after any kind of trauma, not everyone improves significantly. That's the way it is. HOWEVER, everyone has the POTENTIAL. In fact, realistically, our brains, minds,bodies and consciousness has an unlimited capacity to create miracles, to evolve, expand, heal, grow. Whatever. We have the potential, all of us. It's inherent to your very existence as a human being.

 

That being said, it can feel impossible during a wave. One thing that has got me through often, is this idea of potentials. You kind of learn this through therapy, through CBT, others through science and the understanding of how molecules and atoms work and move, others through inner inquiry into the mind (meditation), others through spirituality, where it all just becomes so damn obvious that, despite all the horror, EVERYTHING is working in perfect order, because there are always potentials. That is how life comes to be. So yeah, if you want it in the least New Age way possible, your potential for growth will always be with you because that's just the way things are.

 

I've had a lot of anger over the whole thing. But need to constantly remind myself to not fall into victim mode, because what was the point, then? Then I'm just another statistic. We look back in horror at things like slavery, forced institutionalization for minor mental ailments, the fact that there used to be COCAINE in cough medicine lol, how we used to hang people for their crimes - we're always evolving, we'll look back on this and think the same. But somewhere we HAVE to find compassion and forgiveness, without which you won't make it through without becoming bitter and more angry. I tend to think of it like this (if you don't believe in reincarnation then discard the idea)...at some point in the ever changing re-birth of this particular energy field I call 'me', I probably did these horrifying things. I am an integral part of the whole so will have been part of so many wonderful, and many horrifying, things that the world has experienced. So perhaps it really is just all an ongoing balancing act. Sometimes this helps a lot, others, not so much.

 

Anyway, you're 10 months in, which I'm sure has been hell. But remember it's not that long on the withdrawal scale, the first year is often the worst it seems. Hold on to your POTENTIAL. Even if you can't see it, it's always there. Much love to you and your family x

[Altostrata]

Hello, psvt, good to hear you're seeing some improvement.

 

Have you tried fish oil and magnesium supplements, see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

A lot of people find them helpful. Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

[Psvt]

Really would love to swear and curse and really get that profanity rockin but need to keep that for another place I guess...….

 

Anyway, 13 months, two days. truly is out of this world.

 

Not much to say or add. No point really, this elusive healing thing wont come any quicker.

 

Enjoying the loss of some symptoms yet equally enjoying the addition of new ones....YAY ME!

 

I do however highly resent the fact that I have been pushed into this underworld of mental health and illness, plus the physical ailments that come with the territory, that I have never ever experienced before in my life. Having to think about all the taboo subjects and topics and feel things that a normal human being does not have to feel. For such a l o o o o o o n n n n g g g  time. 

 

Disgusted. Total loss in humanity and the sick minded people that reside in it.

[ChessieCat]

18 minutes ago, PSVT said:

Really would love to swear and curse and really get that profanity rockin but need to keep that for another place I guess...….

 

Here!

 

19 minutes ago, PSVT said:

Enjoying the loss of some symptoms yet equally enjoying the addition of new ones

 

The fact that some symptoms have gone is a good sign because it means that healing IS happening:

 

On 12/4/2015 at 2:41 AM, apace41 said:

 

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.  

 

 

[Psvt]

Yep.....15 mths today!

 

Nothing to say really. Enjoying the Internal Akathisia, that's been a blast. 

 

Nothing to report. Same crap, different day. Life if physical and mental torture and torment. 

 

How the hell can someone make these weapons of mass destruction and call them medicines?

 

probably no point in returning till I have some good news, see in another 2 years! (maybe)

 

I should share though that I have not had one single episode of Paroxysmal Supra Ventricular Tachycardia since the procedure in August 2017......….it has been replaced with anxiety, thanks Doctor and Big Pharma. Scumbags!

 

Good Luck all...…..

[Kittygiggles]

Your attitude, humor, and outlook are so similar. I appreciate your posts (including the censored swearing; I wish I could get the uncensored version!) I understand your perspective on going silent for a while, there's not much to say when everything is sh*t all the time. I am going through some serious internal and external akathisia at present as well as iatrogenic, extreme anxiety.

 

It could be withdrawal related in my case or a result of my thyroid disease and/or medication. I'm working through it on my own. It's tough as hell but I just went out to stand under the moon, in the snow, to do some running and deep breathing. The air was biting and cold, it grabbed hold of me and reminded me that I feel at peace at some level, despite it all. 

 

I feel that if my time has come, I want to go out on my own terms, out in the wild, f*** these drugs; the lot of them.

 

I wish you some hope: I allow myself that pleasure when I can, imagining to the point of delusion, a day that all this is some distant, past nightmare.

 

I hope we get there some day!

[Psvt]

On 23 January 2019 at 1:04 PM, Kittygiggles said:

Your attitude, humor, and outlook are so similar. I appreciate your posts (including the censored swearing; I wish I could get the uncensored version!) I understand your perspective on going silent for a while, there's not much to say when everything is sh*t all the time. I am going through some serious internal and external akathisia at present as well as iatrogenic, extreme anxiety.

 

It could be withdrawal related in my case or a result of my thyroid disease and/or medication. I'm working through it on my own. It's tough as hell but I just went out to stand under the moon, in the snow, to do some running and deep breathing. The air was biting and cold, it grabbed hold of me and reminded me that I feel at peace at some level, despite it all. 

 

I feel that if my time has come, I want to go out on my own terms, out in the wild, f*** these drugs; the lot of them.

 

I wish you some hope: I allow myself that pleasure when I can, imagining to the point of delusion, a day that all this is some distant, past nightmare.

 

I hope we get there some day!

 

Thanks Kittygiggles, it's been a few months since I've been on her last but I'm trying to laugh about it all otherwise I'll be crying.

[Psvt]

Well, in a couple of weeks it will be my birthday. The third one that I'll have to go through being sick.

and a couple days after that I'll be getting the best birthday present ever........protracted withdrawal.

 

Yay for me. Still living in this nightmare that is beyond comprehension and waiting for that elusive morning where I feel the end is near or better still, it's actually over. Unfortunately given the current quantity and intensity of symptoms that just won't give me a break I'd say I'll still be at it in another 18mths.

 

Everyone keeps telling me that the I've invested some good healing time behind me but I keep telling them .....not if I haven't even reached halfway yet!

 

it is possible that all this really does go away tomorrow, unlikely, but possible considering I've been telling myself that every night and I'm still neck deep in the ****.

 

luckily I've got Baylissa bustin' balls to keep me going and reassure me that this really truly actually ends and a few nice members here and elsewhere that I've become friendly with to share this horrid experience.

 

Anyway, signing off till I hit pay dirt or I've gone protracted twice (if that's such a thing?)

 

Adios, keep off the rat poisons and keep healing......(or so I'm led to believe)

[Leo1983]

You still using the benzo?

 

How long did you use it for? 

[Leo1983]

Apologies.

 

It was your reply to joseff about benzos.

[Psvt]

4 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

Apologies.

 

It was your reply to joseff about benzos.

 

I think in total it was around 7-14 days, PRN.  Highly possible this has had an effect on me as well but I ct them as well when I realised they were prescribed to "address" the adverse reaction to the AD!

 

to be honest, I hadn't really thought about that until now, but, it is possible they have actually had some part to play in all this, unlikely but also possible.

 

so I have been off them the same amount of time.

 

GP's and Psychiatrists.......when all you have in your toolbox is a hammer then everything is a nail!

[Leo1983]

Im just looking at your thred. 

 

You were on Sertraline 3 days..... bad reaction.... it could have started here?

 

Lexapro shortly after for 1 year or so... then a very fast taper.... then 3 month later your back..... THIS TO ME APPEARS TO BE THE START OF IT. Its a normal patter the " Honeymoon period" 2-3 month after you stop boom all hell lets loose.

 

Then you use Desvenlaflaxine which is a hellish drug and PRN benzos. This could add further issues. 

 

Then back to Lexapro. 

 

 

Dont onow if that helps. 

 

I stopped Lexapro Cold turkey as made me suicidal and i know the pain. Daily Daily struggle. Even 10 month out i feel like ****.

[Psvt]

14 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

Im just looking at your thred. 

 

You were on Sertraline 3 days..... bad reaction.... it could have started here?

 

Lexapro shortly after for 1 year or so... then a very fast taper.... then 3 month later your back..... THIS TO ME APPEARS TO BE THE START OF IT. Its a normal patter the " Honeymoon period" 2-3 month after you stop boom all hell lets loose.

 

Then you use Desvenlaflaxine which is a hellish drug and PRN benzos. This could add further issues. 

 

Then back to Lexapro. 

 

 

Dont onow if that helps. 

 

I stopped Lexapro Cold turkey as made me suicidal and i know the pain. Daily Daily struggle. Even 10 month out i feel like ****.

 

I wouldn't say bad reaction from Zoloft, just that the side effects were nasty and not what I was advised by the doctor so I said forget it. 

 

A new new doctor then said I got those side effects because the dose was too high (even though she didn't know what the dose was) and I started lexapro. I was without doubt suffering withdrawals from lexapro but the symptoms were low mood, some crying spells, lethargy and heavy limbs. 

 

The  prisitiq however definitely gave me an issue because within 5 days of starting it I was a blubbering mess, sinus tachycardia, emotionally destroyed, intrusive thoughts, akathisia, anxiety, agitation, and on and on it goes but at the end of the day I don't really care when or how it started as no one really knows, we are just making logical assumptions and there is nothing logical about psych meds use or cessation so it's a little redundant at this point.  My concern now is all about making sure I'm never duped again by these idiots and getting well.

 

At the end of the day I was given three different diagnoses by two different doctors based on no objective data and I was prescribed drugs  I did not need for a condition I never had. Shame on them. 

 

However I do appreciate your concern and thoughts about how all this went down. It has definitely been food for thought.

[Leo1983]

You must feel better now than 18 month ago. 

[Leo1983]

Some improvement?

[withhopeinmyheart]

Hi PSVT, 

 

just read your thread. I'm so sorry this happened to you. 

 

It's been half a year for me, four months since holding the tiny reinstatement dose. 

 

I too am housebound except maybe a short walk once a month. 

 

I also often lose hope this can end. 

 

Hope you're doing better.