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wantrelief

I can't say it any better than FGW, Kristine.  You are such an inspiration, my friend.  Much love, WR 💖

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Kristine

Thank you so much @Carmie, @FarmGirlWorks (NTMF :) ) @Rosetta and @wantrelief for all your kindness, beauty - whilst in the eye of your own storms and endless support despite the fact that I have been unable to visit your threads for so long.  Please known you are all in my thoughts and my heart. I'm once again full of gratitude for having the privilege of meeting the most resilient, brave and generous people imaginable. Sending the warmest of hugs and love from across the pond. Much Love K xo       

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Rabe

So sorry you had to go back to the hospital, Kristine, but so happy you are now home.  I hope things continue to improve and stay there!!  Love and hugs to you!💜

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Kristine
1 hour ago, Rabe said:

So sorry you had to go back to the hospital, Kristine, but so happy you are now home.  I hope things continue to improve and stay there!!  Love and hugs to you!💜

Thank you dear Rabe :wub: You are such a ray of sunshine here on SA despite all your own pain and suffering. I think of you everyday and sending you love and hugs as well. Love K xo

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Kristine
On ‎3‎/‎26‎/‎2019 at 11:29 AM, Kristine said:

I've had some complications post surgery and had to spend a further three days in hospital via ER. I'm back home again. It has been a struggle to say the least. Especially traumatising when doctors were not taking me seriously about administration of drugs (ie. antiemetic's and analgesia) which have a major drug interaction with fluoxetine. Sigh. More on this later...don't have the strength at the moment...it's a long story.

Hello All, It is now just shy of two weeks post surgery and I've been meaning to add to the above so I have a record of it. I think dot points will be easier because my poor brain is struggling on many levels....

  • Presented to ER with severe upper abdominal pain and vomiting. Explained to 1st doctor not to chart ondansetron (antiemetic/anti nausea) or Tramadol medication due to the major drug interaction between this and fluoxetine. Due to my past experience with serotonin syndrome. Given IM injection (cannula had not yet been inserted) of metoclopramide but this did not ease vomiting and nausea.
  • Another doctor had got involved and I was given Morphine and was I was  "out of it", 2nd doctor charted ondansetron because 1st doctor had not handed over vital information.
  • Nurse approached me to insert medication into cannula, Thankfully I had the presence of mind to ask what it was...he stated it was ondansetron. I explained to him the major drug interaction. Next to my cubical was a computer, the nurse (who was a trainee nurse) preceded to look up the interaction information.
  • Senior nurse enters the scene. See's me vomiting and the full syringe of ondansetron next to the junior nurse. Say's "why haven't you given this?' I start to explain in unison with the junior nurse. She crossed her arms and glared at me with pursed lips saying one "have you had an adverse reaction to ondansetron?' She was accusatory and harsh with her tone and body language....I tried to explain that the issue is a major drug interaction between fluoxetine and ondansetron. 
  • At this stage the junior nurse had found the relevant information on the computer and stated "she's right" (meaning I was right). Senior nurse looked irritated and left. Junior nurse located doctor to chart a different antiemetic. He charted metoclopramide (massive eye roll from me). Anyway by this stage I was admitted to the surgical ward and seen by the surgeon. Many hours had passed and I was feeling much better. Also given an ultrasound and was diagnosed with cholecystitis and biliary colic. Next day was sent home on a diet of clear fluids until a date for surgery could be arranged.
  • Two days later had another attack of cholecysitis (pain and vomiting), presented again at ER...same ondansetron song and dance. Admitted to surgical ward. Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy preformed the next day. Spent overnight and the majority of the next day in hospital, then I was discharged.
  • After surgery I felt progressively more and more unwell. I couldn't eat much and felt like my bowels had given up. No peristalsis and very little bowel sounds. I was massively bloated. Started vomiting large amounts of bile (projectile, if you get my drift), terrible abdominal pain. Back to ER. Sigh. And you guessed it, a syringe full of ondansetron coming ominously my way. Another explanation from me. The doctor this time said it was very unlikely that there wound be any interaction from one dose leading to serotonin syndrome. At this stage I was beyond fighting my case. I was beyond exhausted. I think I said something along the lines of "do what you need to do, I don't care anymore". Ondansetron was administered IV. 
  • Over the next few hours my blood pressure and pulse rate steadily increased. My blood pressure and pulse had been a little on the low side (dehydration) prior to the ondansetron administration. My blood pressure peaked at 185/101 with a pulse rate over 100. I stared sweating profusely and felt so agitated I want to tear my skin off. All tell tale signs of serotonin syndrome.  Symptoms slowly subsided over the next 6 hours or so.
  •  I was admitted to the medical ward and stayed in hospital for three days (two nights) with various investigations. No apology was offered, however, the antiemetic was immediately changed to prochloprerazine. 
  • I feel like this whole episode has set back my healing but I'm finally feeling a little better (SI has been very bad) and the optimise has been peeping through again.
  •  
  • Much Love to you all. K xo   

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wantrelief

Oh my, I am so very sorry you had to go through all of that, Kristine.  Unbelievable.  It is indeed traumatizing when you are ignored regarding med interactions.  How ironic that the person who did listen to you was a student nurse!  I am so relieved you are feeling better after all you went through physically and emotionally.  Much love to you, my brave friend.  WR 💖

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Kristine
1 hour ago, wantrelief said:

Oh my, I am so very sorry you had to go through all of that, Kristine.  Unbelievable.  It is indeed traumatizing when you are ignored regarding med interactions.  How ironic that the person who did listen to you was a student nurse!  I am so relieved you are feeling better after all you went through physically and emotionally.  Much love to you, my brave friend.  WR 💖

Thank you dearest WR for your support, Yes! I found it ironic as well! It was traumatic and all feels like a bad dream...I just hope there are no more unwelcome surprises in the near future (apart from the usual WD BS)...I'm going to add a little clip from 'the vicar of dibley' which kinda sum's up my feelings about my life but in a funny way ...I feel at times that I can jump puddles! Then...well...I can't....

 

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Rabe

Oh Kristine...it is so awful when you are not 'heard'....I find it so unbelievable but have had it happen over and over and over.  I am so so sorry!!!  But I am grateful you are better!  They ought to be talked to by a lawyer!  Makes me so upset!!

Please take care of you, Kristine, and please do not allow them to take your spirit!!!  Love and hugs!!!💜

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FarmGirlWorks
On 4/1/2019 at 7:35 PM, Kristine said:

I'm going to add a little clip from 'the vicar of dibley' which kinda sum's up my feelings about my life but in a funny way ...I feel at times that I can jump puddles! Then...well...I can't....

♥️♥️♥️... that made me laugh and such an apt metaphor. What a crazy ride you've had. Hang in there and know we've got your back.

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Carmie

Hi Kristine, 

 

Just popping around to see how you’re doing. Have you managed to go for your cold water swims lately? 

 

Sending hugs🤗

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Rosetta

Hi Kristine,

 

I'm thinking of you, today.  Happy Mother's Day.  I hope you feel a bit better.

 

All my love, Rosetta

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Kristine

Thank you so much @Rabe, @FarmGirlWorks, @Carmie And @Rosetta for thinking of me and your lovely messages..

 

A short update: I continue to struggle but I have been working with various non drug coping techniques which have once again reinforced my path to acceptance. Mainly the teachings of the Buddha “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional” and “the first arrow is pain the second arrows are self inflicted from negative self talk etc”.

 

I clearly developed a paradoxical reaction to the diazepam and therefore decided to taper more rapidly (I have recently started a crossover to liquid). I dread taking the diazepam because I am hit with a clawing anxiety, agitation and horrific dystonia. Im not sleeping much, and when I do, I have night terrors and wake drenched in sweat. I do nap during the day when I’m able. I never have a deep sleep. I’m currently trying to find a balance between reducing the diazepam and wd I can tolerate. I’ve come to accept the limitations of my life due to my symptoms. I continue to be plagued by head and ear pressure, headaches, migraines, nausea (no vomiting),vertigo, muscular weakness, debilitating fatigue, flu like symptoms, body temperature regulation issues, sweating, crying spells, sensory issues (light and sound are the worst), memory issues, cognitive issues (much worse than cog fog - hence my limited posting), deep depressed mood, anger/rage feelings (been working on this - Tara Brach talks ‘U-turn to anger’ tremors, Akathisia, buzzing brain (feels like my brain is a hornets nest), intermittent full body and brain electrical currents, eye ticks and adhedonia. Battle fatigue.

 

The best time of the day for me is first thing in the morning. Even though it is not great. Which seems the opposite to what many on SA experience. I don’t suffer from the early morning cortisol spikes at the moment, even though I have in the past. I start to feel worse after I take the fluoxetine in the morning. 

 

I spend my days in my bed. I only get up to use the bathroom. Showering is exhausting. 

 

It is what it is. 

 

Blessings to you all, K xo

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Rosetta

I was just wondering and worrying about you.  I'm glad you posted, but it appears you are very ill.  Thank you for checking in, K.  -Rosetta

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wantrelief

Oh my friend, I am so saddened to read what you are so bravely enduring.  I honestly don't know how you are doing it but you seem to have such an accepting attitude about it which is truly remarkable.  I am so sorry you have developed a paradoxical reaction to the diazepam.  You've been through SO much already and it is unbelievable that has been added to the mix.  My hope is once you are off and away from the drug  you will see a reduction in your symptoms and at least you won't have to have the horrible reaction you've been getting.  I am thinking about you, as always, my brave friend.  Much love, WR. 💖

 

 

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Kristine
22 hours ago, Rosetta said:

I was just wondering and worrying about you.  I'm glad you posted, but it appears you are very ill.  Thank you for checking in, K.  -Rosetta

Thank you dear Rosetta, I’ve been thinking of you as well 💕Much Love. K xo

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Kristine
7 hours ago, wantrelief said:

Oh my friend, I am so saddened to read what you are so bravely enduring.  I honestly don't know how you are doing it but you seem to have such an accepting attitude about it which is truly remarkable.  I am so sorry you have developed a paradoxical reaction to the diazepam.  You've been through SO much already and it is unbelievable that has been added to the mix.  My hope is once you are off and away from the drug  you will see a reduction in your symptoms and at least you won't have to have the horrible reaction you've been getting.  I am thinking about you, as always, my brave friend.  Much love, WR. 💖

Thank you dear WR for your lovely message. It is very difficult. However, I guess I don’t expect to feel better for many years and I think this acceptance helps. I’m not clinging to some miraculous recovery. Also I don’t expect to return to the pre-med/psych treatment me. I know I sustained brain damage from the ECT (long term memory loss) That was a particularly traumatic time. I’ve hit rock bottom so many times that I have learned not to fight the fear anymore. Furthermore, regardless of what is happening at present, I know it will take many years to heal from the multitude of drugs I was CTed from over the past 4 years. Also the 15+ medications I was CTed from the 8 years prior to when my signature starts! I try to focus on the blessings, such as the support I have from my husband and son and that for the past week or so my burning skin has eased. 

 

Thinking of of you as well my friend, Much Love, K xo

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Gridley
31 minutes ago, Kristine said:

focus on the blessing 

 

Kristine, you are a very strong person.  I greatly admire you.  

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wantrelief

You are one super amazing woman, Kristine.  I am in awe of your strength.  💗WR

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Kristine
6 hours ago, Gridley said:

Kristine, you are a very strong person.  I greatly admire you. 

Thank you Gridley, you are very kind. I greatly admire you as well. Much love, K xo

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Kristine
4 hours ago, wantrelief said:

You are one super amazing woman, Kristine.  I am in awe of your strength.  💗 WR

Thank you dearest WR, as you know I am in awe of your strength and perseverance. Much Love, K 💓

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manymoretodays

Hi Kristine!!! 

Thanks for the update and sharing some of your coping skills too!

Sounds like healing, in spite of it all, to me.  Ever so slowly, but you ARE making good progress.  And oh my......I sure hope the worst of the other stuff(medical issues, etc) is over and done and behind you now too!

 

Great Video too. B)  We've had tons of rain here so sometimes I "puddle splash".........I did my falling in the hole a bit, during the winter season last. 

 

Rest is healing Kristine.  And don't forget your water! 

I'm so sorry you have to go through all this down time now.......but I do love how you manage to make the best of it, when you can.

 

I've got some lovely new tea to try, and met some master herbalists or plant oriented people......a week or so ago.  I'm also excited to try and find my way back to some Native American practices soon.  Or to just keep spending more time in nature.    Lovely Springtime here in Paradise right now.  Lot's of beautiful aromas from the lilacs and even my flowering pear tree.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

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Kristine

Thank you for your support and kindness MMT, 

On 5/21/2019 at 11:24 PM, manymoretodays said:

Rest is healing Kristine

This is so true. It goes against the grain of this culture we live in, however, I am slowly becoming much more comfortable with doing very little. 

On 5/21/2019 at 11:24 PM, manymoretodays said:

Lovely Springtime here in Paradise right now.  Lot's of beautiful aromas from the lilacs and even my flowering pear tree.

Ohh, that does sound like paradise! how beautiful. Here in Tassie, winter is just around the corner. Snow on the mountain and frosty mornings won’t be far away now. Perfect time to hibernate for more healing 😊

 

Enjoy your tea MMT, much love, K xo

 

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FarmGirlWorks

HFS @Kristine: you are AMAZING for swimming through this. Recently, the saying attributed to Mother Theresa (not sure if that is apocryphal) that God gives us as much as we have the strength to bear has been running through my mind. By that measure, you are one strong, strong human. She went thru decades of not feeling God's presence in her life -- Mother flipping Theresa! -- but still kept up her daily prayers and serving others despite that. She kept her faith. And you are keeping up your daily practice of taking care of your poor body ravaged by drug companies (not you, never forget that) which includes your mind. You are doing all the right things and have a realistic outlook... which includes the knowledge that you WILL get well. You have the faith. I believe that. NTMF.

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Kristine

Thank you @FarmGirlWorks for your lovely message, you give me way too much credit! 😉 I have heard of that saying, but didn’t realise it was possibly affiliated with Mother Theresa. I have certainly experienced many times where I have felt this was too much to bear (eg. the major blip I hit last year). I guess all anyone going through this can do, is keep going and learn from each experience. There is no easy way out. I’m learning to get comfortable being uncomfortable! NTMF. Much love to you, K xo 

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Rabe

Kristine....you have an inner strength that is truly a gift that has bloomed and is so beautiful and so inspiring.  

The paradoxical reactions are frightening I think and trying to navigate a path off is a challenge...but you are doing it and will get there.  I never did well with diazepam which makes me wonder why I was on the Clonazepam.  Seems odd.  But at least you can take it and it can hopefully help you with the tapering.  You are getting there!!  And you are a beautiful gift to all of us here!  Take care of yourself dear Kristine.  Love you!!  💜

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Kristine

Thank you dear @Rabe for your lovely message. You are so very giving despite all the challenges you are going through. I’m not taking Clonazepam anymore as I did a crossover to Diazepam last year because I had terrible trouble getting off the Clonazepam at a lower dose. Feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place as usual. Much love to you Rabe, K xo

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neroli

Hello Kristine

 

I haven't read all of your thread - I saw your signature when you had written to Rabe and my mind was boggled by all the meds. you have been put through.

 

I am humbled that you are still coping through it all and continuing to find ways to accommodate your experience in the bigger picture of life.

 

Thank you for your strength and kindness to others.  All best wishes to you.

 

Neroli 💜

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Kristine

Hey Neroli, Thank you for stopping by and for your kind message,

On 5/27/2019 at 5:35 PM, neroli said:

I haven't read all of your thread - I saw your signature when you had written to Rabe and my mind was boggled by all the meds. you have been put through.

It really is mind boggling, I know. Criminal really. I’ll be paying the price for this negligence for many years. Looking at your signature it seems you also had a multitude of drugs thrown at you. I’m so sorry. 

 

It is lovely to “meet” you Neroli, Much love to you, K xo

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neroli

Hi Kristine

 

The more I find out from support groups like this and the papers and evidence that people like David Healy, Peter Breggin, Robert Whitaker, Joanna Moncrieff, etc. etc and our own stories of the effects of these drugs, I just cannot understand how the "medical" community treats people this way and in seeming innocence.  It just doesn't make any sense to me.

 

My heartfelt wishes to you.

 

Good to meet you, too.

 

Here's a bit of news, though too late for us:

 

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7084025/amp/Royal-College-Pyschiatrists-warn-doctors-anti-depressants-dangerous-effects.html?__twitter_impression=true&fbclid=IwAR28LluKDuNA_-mLKOghyQ-9H0Ef8RACzppcT8SVZyDil0KYid-cslCfZRQ

 

much love back

 

Neroli 💜

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Kristine

Hi Neroli, Thank you for the link. Psychiatry’s house of cards will eventually crumble but I anticipate the shift will be painfully slow. I feel the emphasis of the article should have included psychiatry turning a blind eye for many years and the pharmaceutical companies knowingly and shamefully hiding these truths. 

22 hours ago, neroli said:

, I just cannot understand how the "medical" community treats people this way and in seeming innocence.  It just doesn't make any sense to me.

I have agonised over the same thoughts Neroli. It angers me. So many people obviously suffering from psychotropic drug side effects, interactions and withdrawal, and yet very little changes, except for more drugs entering the market and prescriptions rising at an alarming rate. In my opinion, Psychiatry has created its own fragile illusion which is unfortunately glued together by a multi billion dollar pharmaceutical empire. Shame on them. 

“…the majority of men do not think in order to know the truth, but in order to assure themselves that the life which they lead, and which is agreeable and habitual to them, is the one which coincides with the truth.” Leo Tolstoy 

Much Love. K xo

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Kristine

Update: it has been more difficult lately. I have a constant inner agitation/restlessness and a feeling of not being safe. I want to rip my skin off. The head pressure has been excruciating and all I can do it hold my head as I rock in bed for some kind of comfort. I’ve been crying frequently which is a good release. Nightmares are disturbing and I’m tired of waking drenched in sweat. I’m so exhausted. So very very tired. There are no words to describe this bone aching fatigue. 

Much love to you all, K xo

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Rabe

My heart is with you Kristine....this journey is indescribable and overwhelming.  I so pray you feel better soon.  Take care!💜

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wantrelief

I am so sorry, dear Kristine, that you are going through all of this.  The symptoms you are enduring are truly awful.....it is no wonder you are exhausted.  Oh how I wish I could be there in person to comfort you in someway.  You will get through this, just keep doing whatever you need to do to get through these days and there will be another side to all of this suffering.  You are always in my heart, my amazing friend. Much much love, WR.

 

 

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bheb

So sorry to hear about all the heightened agitation. Right there with you Kristine, hang on. 

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Kristine

Thank you @Rabe@wantrelief and @bheb for all your supportive messages. I’d be lost without the support here on SA. The struggle continues today but that’s nothing new. I think the battle fatigue is taking over at the moment. I’ve had enough but I’ve got no choice but to keep going. I don’t even feel human. Sipping magnesium, breathing exercises, calming music and peppermint oil are keeping the SI at bay. The head pressure, head pain, internal agitation/vibration/Akathisia, sweating, tremors, muscle pain, fatigue, gut wrenching anxiety and pressure on my chest are constant. The burning skin on my arms is back 🙁 It all gets much worse after I take the diazepam at night. What a mess. 

Much Love, K xo

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neroli

oh, Kristine, what a bunch of symptoms to have to cope with.  I"m in awe that you can keep going and I do hope there is some way the fatigue lessens - it's very debilitating.   Glad to hear that your SI rescue tools help you keep those painful thoughts and feelings at bay.

 

Wishing you a break in the symptoms, so you can relax a bit.

 

love to you

 

Neroli 💜

 

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