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brassmonkey

Tao of the Brassmonkey

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Happy2Heal
8 minutes ago, brassmonkey said:

Yes, even in the midst of an acute wave, there are positive and beautiful things happening to and all around you, but a person has to make the decision and put in the effort to see, acknowledge and appreciate them.

this is so true!
I'm only now realizing just how true this is.

I thought I'd look back on my "one year of sheer hell" and shudder with horror at how awful it was, 

but guess what? the memories of the bad parts have faded far far into the distance and I can actually look back on that year and see that many good things happened,  and that I was able to DO a lot of good things, in spite of feeling awful.

I'm glad I took the time to notice those things because now I've got some fond memories to look back on.

 

great post Brass.

 

 

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Cocopuffz17
On 1/3/2020 at 3:04 PM, Happy2Heal said:

this is so true!
I'm only now realizing just how true this is.

I thought I'd look back on my "one year of sheer hell" and shudder with horror at how awful it was, 

but guess what? the memories of the bad parts have faded far far into the distance and I can actually look back on that year and see that many good things happened,  and that I was able to DO a lot of good things, in spite of feeling awful.

I'm glad I took the time to notice those things because now I've got some fond memories to look back on.

 

great post Brass.

 

 

Great post from both Brass and H2H. I’m almost 11 months off and look back and cannot believe how far I have came in this timeframe. 

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getofflex

Cocopuff that is wonderful.  thanks for giving us hope, and encouraging us.  I'm still in ADWD, but feel much better than I did a year ago.  when things get back with me, I remind myself of that.  

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sunnysideup69
On 1/3/2020 at 8:55 PM, brassmonkey said:

 

Over analyzing and over thinking symptoms is a very good way to derail ones recovery/healing.

 

Ha! You can say that again. Gonna write that out as a reminder and stick it somewhere I can see it.

 

On 1/3/2020 at 8:55 PM, brassmonkey said:

 

Yes, even in the midst of an acute wave, there are positive and beautiful things happening to and all around you, but a person has to make the decision and put in the effort to see, acknowledge and appreciate them.

 

I was really surprised when I was looking back on 2019, I almost expected to feel like it was a terrible year, with all my CNS instability and mistakes I made with drugs. But it wasn't terrible, some wonderful things happened for me and also, since August, I've had to learn much better self care and boundaries.

 

Hope you're enjoying your travels ! And thanks for continuing to document your antidep journey, post tapering.

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brassmonkey

Too busy posting on other peoples threads and have neglected mine.  Not a whole lot to report. WD is pretty much a thing of the past.  Now it's trying to sort out what may be long lasting affects of the drug use or the affects of rapidly increasing age. Got a clean bill of health from my PCP yesterday. Need to adjust the thyroid meds a bit and are closing in on the root causes of my ongoing shoulder problems, but other than that I'm good to go.

 

And go we will.  Just finished up making arrangements for our next big adventure.  Heading off to India in a few weeks to photograph tigers in the wild. Followed by a short stay in Paris to finish off the plans we had so rudely interrupted by my kidney stone a year ago.  Later in the summer we are looking at spending some time on Rapa Nui.  I've been wanting to get there since I read Aku Aku as a kid.

 

Making big changes to the Halloween Haunt this year so I have a lot of building to do there, plus continuing on the remodel that has been ongoing for several years now.  Finally making some real progress there.

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mdwstrx

 

Very happy for you that you have a good health report! 😊

7 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

Now it's trying to sort out what may be long lasting affects of the drug use or the affects of rapidly increasing age.

Curious, are you noting long lasting effects of the drugs?  Can you elaborate on what those might be that you're unsure about?

 

Your travels sound exotic! With all the help you've given so many, you especially deserve some joyful times.  Your travels sound exotic! Be careful... and most of all, enjoy.  

Md 

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brassmonkey

Having been drugged for 23 very eventful years it is hard to remember what things were like before hand. Was my memory as sharp as I think it was, did I struggle to find words in conversations (yes), was I fatigued all the time (I was working 60-70 hours a week, so yes).  Those 23 years and more were pretty brutal physically and it has taken three full years of retirement for my body to start to relax in many ways, is it physical problems from work/life or is it the aftermath of the drugs. Throw on top of it a nice case of CRS (Can't Remember "Stuff") which is typical of aging, but could be from the drug use, it all turns into a big mass of information and sensations to sort through.

 

I mentioned thyroid problems, it could all be a symptom of that. I think for the most part it's creeping age, but I'm only about three years post "0" so am still in the healing process which complicates things. Don't get me wrong, I'm doing great, but there are some issues that niggle at me and make me wonder why.

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getofflex

brfssmonkey it is very encouraging to me to hear you are symptom free!  Especially after being on the SSRI"s for so many years like I was.  I'm down to 0.2 mg Lexapro.  I tapered about 2.5 weeks ago, and it hasn't been bad.  I still wake up at 3 or 4 and have a hard time going back to sleep.  Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.  But it is so much better than it was a year ago.  I have hope. Jennifer

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nick1990

What awesome sounding plans, going to India and Rapa Nui. Definitely two places I’d love to visit one day. In fact me and my lady friend were talking about an India trip in the next year or so. Will have to get some feedback from you Tom and advice on where to visit. 

 

Glad that WD is behind you now. The aging thing doesn’t sound too fun but I guess we all have to go through it. 

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Happy2Heal
19 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

Having been drugged for 23 very eventful years it is hard to remember what things were like before hand. Was my memory as sharp as I think it was, did I struggle to find words in conversations .......... 

 

 I think for the most part it's creeping age, but I'm only about three years post "0" so am still in the healing process which complicates things. Don't get me wrong, I'm doing great, but there are some issues that niggle at me and make me wonder why.

I can so relate to this, just add 2 more decades of being drugged but subtract the years of working long hours...

 

I have no idea if my memory issues (and other small issues) are age related or the drugs, and can't see how I'll ever know.

 

Interesting to see that you consider yourself still in the healing process, even almost 3 yrs post zero.

It's actually reassuring to me. I feel somewhat fragile occasionally and think that may mean my brain is still working out all the kinks. 

Or I'm going senile, one or other other LOL
I guess time will tell- if senile, I'll deteriorate, if drug related, I'll improve.

or maybe it will be a wash.

 

I'm glad you're able to travel! I'm thinking about making a much smaller trip myself, something I haven't felt up to doing for over 25yrs, so that's exciting. Not as exciting as India, mind you but it's a big step for me ;)

 

all the best to you Brass, you've certainly earned it

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Erell
On 1/3/2020 at 9:55 PM, brassmonkey said:

Just posted this on another thread and wanted to keep a copy here:

 

 

Best I've read on SA ! Thank you SO MUCH Brassmonkey for taking the time To right this post : I read it every time I get in the spiral, and it always helps me in my work on acceptance ! ❤

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brassmonkey

Wanted to post a record that I had another migraine aura a couple of days ago and another again today. Both were quite intense and left me with a "hangover" for several hours.

 

Having to sort things out with my insurance and PCP to get into the right coverage group so I don't have to travel twenty miles to get labs done.  Turns out her information was screwed up and that was back washing through the insurance site and making it so I couldn't switch.  It will take a few days to get it sorted, then I can get after this dumb shoulder of mine.  But that will have to wait until we get back from India the middle of April.  Get that done and I think I will start getting the auras checked out.

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Alua

Brass i too have auras and i am over 3 years off. Had two in my life before wd and ive lost count of how many i have had in wd. I went to the doctor about it when i had about 10 in a row and he didnt seem concerned he said they can happen in clusters. My mum also gets them fairly regularly and she has never been on psych drugs. I hope yours all checks out okay. I usually find i get one after a clear window and the migraine is usually followed by a wave.

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brassmonkey

Mine seem to come in threes spaced a few days apart.  Everything I've read says that they are nothing to be concerned about, just uncomfortable for a few minutes. Still when I get the chance I'm going to talk it over with my PCP. I like keeping her a prized of what is going on.

 

Wall all that's left to do is the packing.  We have all the reservations and tickets, so it's time to grab the camera and run.  Actually we have to wait a few days, like a week and a half then off to photograph tigers in India, followed by catching up on the unfinished business from Paris.  Do the things we didn't get to complete when I got so sick last year.

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Frogie

How awesome @brassmonkey:

 

Keep us posted of your adventures and post pictures. 
 

Looking forward to seeing them!

 

Most of all, enjoy!!!

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

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