☼ getofflex: weaning of Lexapro

[arbor]

I send you hugs, @getofflex  It's so hard to have this double whammy of w/d plus menopause.  Please know I'm thinking of you--

Arbor ☘️🕊️💜

[Erell]

Hello my dear friend,

 

I have no doubt that hormonal shifts from menopause might destabilise you : in fact a lot of members report this. Menopausal changes also affect the autonomic nervous system as well as all other hormonal systems.

You're not alone ❤

(I've seen @sunnysideup69 and @Hanna72 mentionning their experiences recently)

 

 

But all the healing that had taken place isn't gone, and it doesn't mean that you won't be able to taper.

It just means that during this hormonal transitional phase you might need to more rest and calm, and longer holds to make sure you respect the rythm of your body. 

Perhaps now is not a good time to taper and you might want to wait to feel you're in a better place and give some rest to your nervous system.

 

I'm thinking of you and send you my support ❤

[getofflex]

@arborand @Erellthank you for your support and kind words.  I am still in this wave.  I'm working on radical acceptance of it, so as not to add to the pain.  I believe that it was triggered by several factors:  the hilly 3 mile hike, stress from my son being crabby and demanding when he was home a week ago, my hormones, and possibly the shift from summer to fall that is happening here.  I'm actually post menopausal, but the hot flashes are very frequent - at times every 30 to 45 minutes.  My sleep is pretty minimal at this point.  Interestingly, I was awake from about 1 Am to about 5 AM, which was probably the time my son got in trouble.  I believe that a part of me sensed that he was in trouble, and this kept me awake.  This is unlike my usual insomnia pattern, which is a hard time going to sleep at night.  Instead, I fell asleep pretty quickly, but then couldn't say asleep.  

 

I'm also working on looking at the big picture and seeing things in perspective.  This wave is not as bad as when I was in early withdrawal several years ago.  We just got a call from our son this morning, he had a brush with the law last night.  He and his buddies got pulled over and he got a citation for underage drinking, and they found marijuana in the car his buddy was driving, so more stress.  I'm focusing on being thankful that this won't go on his permanent record, and he didn't spend the night in jail.  

 

Another technique I'm using is reframing.  I'm trying to see this as the Lord using pain to cause me to grow spiritually, and become stronger.  I'm using gratitude.  I'm thankful my son wasn't in a fatal accident.  I'm trying to see the silver lining in the dark cloud by realizing that at least I'm farther along in my recovery than I was in the previous wave, and this will be one less wave I have to go through.  

 

I'm also changing the channel when the anxious or dark thoughts appear in my mind.  Any support or encouragement would be very helpful, thank you.  

[arbor]

Dear @getofflex--You've got a lot going on--especially when you're in a wave. 💗 I'm moved by your dedication to working through the challenges,  and finding meaning in the difficulties.  It takes so much inner fortitude to reframe and not go under when we're trying to deal with things and the wave is upon us.  Thank you for sharing.  Please know I'm thinking of you and sending you hugs.

PS--Are you having any opportunities to paint?  (You are so talented!🌞)

[benesh]

Dear getofflex..you have been on my mind and heart since I read your post.All to say I am 🙏.One thing that helps me when my mind goes in overdrive is I imagine the Lord changing the scene on the stage of my mind..He simply steps on the stage of my mind and moves the scene over so all I see is Him.

I say things like easy does it,be gentle and embrace grace. 
I listen to music that is worshipful and it soothes the torment. 
I do more wim hof breathing, take cold showers, read specific psalms….and rest allot. 
You are not alone and He will get you through this…for sure.😍
 

[Heath]

@getofflex lam sorry you are having a tough time! I can definitely relate to the summer to fall shift, teenagers, college children, family stress, and not sleeping. 

My son has been in a couple of those predicaments. About the exact same thing you described. and somehow I do my hardest at controlling my words and actions and not letting him see my worry and anger. It’s tough. So I try to speak to him as best I can as an adult letting him know hanging around that stuff is wrong. All while I’m trying to stay calm. And then we are learning as parents as they become adults. They aren’t 5 anymore so we have to adapt and teach them different as they grow. And then laying in bed worrying about it. On the weekend I have to go run my chainsaw for a few hours 😜. It’s frustrating and stressful  for any sane parent without tapering a ssri. And by you recognizing the positives in the situations will go along way in feeling better faster it may not feel that way rt know. But continuing to practice this it will! 
 

dont forget about putting in the ear buds and listening to calming sounds like rain or adult bedtime stories or meditation type sounds when you can’t sleep. There’s a lot on YouTube for free. It helps me sleep and stop the negative thought loop. 
 Hang on it will pass 💪

 

[siderale]

Thinking about you @getofflex, things are tough and out of your control. You are doing the best you should do and lead your actions and patterns of thoughts to cope better and I find it very admirable. We all have something to learn from each other, but I feel like we have a lot to learn from you.

Wishing you all the best, I hope things become more smooth soon and that you can see some relief in a window. Every day is a step closer to full recovery.

[getofflex]

Thanks @siderale @Heath @benesh and @arbor for your kind words of support.  I'm doing much better today.  I got a much better night's sleep.  My husband slept downstairs, and I think that helped, so maybe I'm coming out of the wave.  Anyway, I'm being gentle and careful with my CNS today, and intend to be more careful from now on.  No more intense hikes for a while.  

15 hours ago, benesh said:

🙏.One thing that helps me when my mind goes in overdrive is I imagine the Lord changing the scene on the stage of my mind..He simply steps on the stage of my mind and moves the scene over so all I see is Him.

Wow, that is a great technique, Benesh.  I'm going to work more on focusing on the Lord Jesus myself.  My bible reading at night always helps me so much.  

 

13 hours ago, Heath said:

dont forget about putting in the ear buds and listening to calming sounds like rain or adult bedtime stories or meditation type sounds when you can’t sleep.

I do listen to a long music playlist on Spotify, but I'll look into the meditation playlists as well.  

 

The thing with my son, I'm pretty chill about.  My husband was starting to get worked up about it, but I asked him to please not blow it out of proportion and get us both stressed over it.  It's not a big deal - these things happen.  I know my son is a good kid, he just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  In talking to my son, I could tell he felt bad about this, and was going to be more careful in the future.  

 

16 hours ago, arbor said:

PS--Are you having any opportunities to paint? 

Yes, I just finished a sunflower watercolor painting.    I have a lot on my plate right now with family, which is why I'm taking a break from moderating.  

 

5 hours ago, siderale said:

Thinking about you @getofflex, things are tough and out of your control. You are doing the best you should do and lead your actions and patterns of thoughts to cope better and I find it very admirable. We all have something to learn from each other, but I feel like we have a lot to learn from you.

 

Thanks.  🌻  Yes, there is chaos at times with my teenager Andrew.  I'm working now on a workbook that Erell told me about for PTSD.  Today's lesson was all about how we have no control over anything that happens outside of us.  It helps us to let go of our requirements of how the world "should" be.  I think this will be very helpful to lower my stress levels, and calm my nervous system.  

 

[getofflex]

I tried to post my sunflower painting, but since it has a vertical aspect, the software crops it.  Here is another painting I've done: 

 

 

Edited September 13, 2021 by getofflex

[Kat66]

That’s a beautiful painting @getofflex. I am an artist too and my creative urge has completely left me. I’ve just been reading about your recent wave and your thoughts about a connection with menopause. Are you on hrt? It really is a double whammy isn’t it, WD and menopause?!

[AndyPants]

8 hours ago, getofflex said:

I tried to post my sunflower painting, but since it has a vertical aspect, the software crops it.  Here is another painting I've done: 

 

 

That's incredible!  Very beautiful. If I saw this in a store I'd buy it.  You're very talented.

 

My creative drive has really taken a hit during WD, I was working on a novel but I've had a hard time making any progress in recent months.

[Kat66]

6 hours ago, AndyPants said:

That's incredible!  Very beautiful. If I saw this in a store I'd buy it.  You're very talented.

 

My creative drive has really taken a hit during WD, I was working on a novel but I've had a hard time making any progress in recent months.

I’d buy it too! I totally get the lack of creative drive. I’ve just completely lost any interest in doing any drawing. It’s horrible as it used to be one of the main tools in combatting depression. 

[gentlehermione]

On 9/11/2021 at 10:02 PM, getofflex said:

Another technique I'm using is reframing.  I'm trying to see this as the Lord using pain to cause me to grow spiritually, and become stronger.  I'm using gratitude.  I'm thankful my son wasn't in a fatal accident.  I'm trying to see the silver lining in the dark cloud by realizing that at least I'm farther along in my recovery than I was in the previous wave, and this will be one less wave I have to go through.  

 

I'm also changing the channel when the anxious or dark thoughts appear in my mind. 

@getofflex

 

Well done for being so positive!

 

I'm also starting to believe that all this suffering can only lead to spiritual growth and that our souls help us get through the dark periods.

 

Sending you healing thoughts 🤗

[gentlehermione]

15 hours ago, getofflex said:

 

 

 

Such delicate detail - stunning 🥰

[almuPA]

Hello @getofflex,

 

What a beautiful painting! Thanks for sharing it<3

 

Your actitud towards everything that it is happening to you is amazing, I really admire you. Know that you are in my thoughts and that I am learning a lot from you (from everyone in this site, actually).

 

I send you a big hug.

[arbor]

Thank you for posting your painting.  I feel totally in their (the flowers') presence!

My best to you.  Hope you are feeling better--💗

Arbor

[getofflex]

Thanks @Kat66 @AndyPants @gentlehermione @almuPA and @arborfor you kind thoughts.  Yes, I am coming out of this wave, thankfully.  It is causing me to become more patient, because I was hoping to taper again in 4 weeks but now I shall wait at least 5 or 6 weeks to do another taper.  This WD really does stretch us emotionally and spiritually.  In the past 3 nights I've slept over 7 hours (2 nights), and 6 hours last night.  I'm still struggling with some anxiety and ruminations, but I'm using coping tools to help with that.  One new coping tool I learned is when I'm ruminating, say "that's just a thought", and then pay attention to what I am feeling, hearing, and seeing around me.  It helps, and it's calming and centering.  

 

I found out from talking to my son yesterday that in addition to going to court to pay a $300 fine for underage drinking in November, he also has to meet with the student life director, attend a class about alcohol, and write an essay about it.  He is stressed.  I hope and pray he learns something from this.  I'm trying not to worry about it, and let it go and give it to the Lord.   

Edited September 14, 2021 by getofflex

[Heath]

Yes those pesky ruminating negative worry thoughts. I’m glad you are feeling better and able to let them float on by.  I still struggle with these when they arise but am getting better at catching them and controlling them. I’m noticing them more I deal with wd is when they arise it takes me about a week or 2 to catch it and then like you acknowledge and ground myself. Unfortunately the only way to get better is experience. 
 

sounds like you’re son is in good hands with good parents and family! And situation will resolve positively! So I would say you’ve done you’re job. I want to encourage you to Try to relax and not worry much about that🙂. I can look back with my son and see where we would be running around fretting and worrying and it worked out. God took care of him! 
So I wonder why we run around fretting 🤷‍♂️. I guess it’s human nature but it can start a cycle negative habit in excess. 
 

Glad you are coming out of that wave👍

 

[mstimc]

Beautiful painting, Getofflex! Creating something of your own is very therapeutic and life-affirming, isn't it?  

 

I'm always trying to add new tools to my CBT toolbox.  I'll have to try the "just a thought" mantra next time my night-time circular thinking takes over!

[Kat66]

@getofflex I like the 'it's just a thought' idea. I'm starting to understand that anxious thoughts are NOT reality they're just thoughts. And they can be so extreme and unpleasant during WD, developing into uncontrollable negative spirals. Any way we can diffuse their power must be a good thing. This book is really helping me too at the moment; 'Untangle Your Anxiety: A Guide To Overcoming An Anxiety Disorder By Two People Who Have Been Through It'.

 

 

 

[getofflex]

3 hours ago, Kat66 said:

@getofflex I like the 'it's just a thought' idea. I'm starting to understand that anxious thoughts are NOT reality they're just thoughts. And they can be so extreme and unpleasant during WD, developing into uncontrollable negative spirals. Any way we can diffuse their power must be a good thing. This book is really helping me too at the moment; 'Untangle Your Anxiety: A Guide To Overcoming An Anxiety Disorder By Two People Who Have Been Through It'.

This is great, @Kat66.  Kudos to you on using good non drug coping techniques!  Yes, these thoughts can be very dark and persistent in WD.  Some days I very relaxed with no intrusive thoughts, and other days, they just hammer me.  Thanks for the book recommendation.  

[Kat66]

You’re welcome @getofflex ironically I’m having a worse day than yesterday, all kinds of unpleasant negative ruminating about what the future holds. However realising that all we have is the present moment is very powerful so bringing myself back to the moment seems to work every time xx

[getofflex]

4 hours ago, Kat66 said:

all kinds of unpleasant negative ruminating about what the future holds. However realising that all we have is the present moment is very powerful so bringing myself back to the moment seems to work every time

This is very common in WD.  It's good that you are using this technique to bring yourself back to the present.  

[Kat66]

How are you doing today @getofflex ? x

[getofflex]

@Kat66I'm doing pretty well today, thanks for asking.  I took my cat to the vet, and she has heart issues, so that was stressful, but other than that it's been an OK day.  

[Kat66]

12 hours ago, getofflex said:

@Kat66I'm doing pretty well today, thanks for asking.  I took my cat to the vet, and she has heart issues, so that was stressful, but other than that it's been an OK day.  

Good to hear, although I’m sorry to hear about your cat 😞 

[getofflex]

I'm having a lot of neuro emotions today.  It's really hard not to believe these emotions are valid, legitimate emotions, and I'm so tempted to act on them, but if I do, I could create some major problems.  

[siderale]

Good luck, dear getofflex , dealing with those hard-to-control neuro emotions. It must be so tiring, yet deep down you know these aren't you. Sitting back and rationalising them is as right as it is right.

I hope you get to breathe a bit very soon and experience some relief. Thinking about you ♥

[Kat66]

1 hour ago, getofflex said:

I'm having a lot of neuro emotions today.  It's really hard not to believe these emotions are valid, legitimate emotions, and I'm so tempted to act on them, but if I do, I could create some major problems.  

@getofflex I find neuro emotions terrifying. They feel so REAL. They are my constant companions. If it wasn't for this site I would believe what they are trying to tell me. I guess we just have to shift up and make room for them. They'll be gone eventually hopefully xx

[getofflex]

@Kat66 thank you for the reassurance!   I’m feeling a bit better now.  

[getofflex]

Well luckily my off day yesterday wasn't so much from a wave, as from my husband being very restless and me getting little sleep the previous night.  I asked him to sleep downstairs last night, and got a much better night's sleep (6 hours of good sleep). Hopefully, I'll do OK the next couple nights, (storms are brewing again) and be able to do a taper on Monday.  

[Kat66]

@getofflex so glad you got some better sleep. Good luck with the taper, let us know how you get on x

[getofflex]

I just did another dose reduction to 0.06 mg liquid Lexapro.  I have been reasonably stable for the past couple of weeks, and it's been a little over 7 weeks since my previous dose reduction, so I feel ready to taper now.  I've spent the past couple of months journaling each day, to see what causes spikes in symptoms.  I don't consider them waves, because they only last a very short time, and they are not major or debilitating.  I found that intense exercise, MSG, stormy weather, all affect me.  Also, the Shingrix vaccine in July definitely affected me and put me in a wave.  

 

My current symptoms are just fatigue, and some mild anxiety off and on, and mild DP/DR.  I'm  better now than I was even a year ago, and vastly better than I was when I first got to this forum in March of 2019.  

[almuPA]

Hello, getofflex,

 

I will cross my fingers for you and your reduction, hoping everything will go smooth.

 

On 10/6/2021 at 4:42 PM, getofflex said:

I found that intense exercise, MSG, stormy weather, all affect me.  Also, the Shingrix vaccine in July definitely affected me and put me in a wave.  

 

It is tough, isnt It? Like we have to walk on ice on everything we eat and do, and still there's so much we cant control. Well, we can accept the situation and hope for better times:)

 

On 10/6/2021 at 4:42 PM, getofflex said:

I'm  better now than I was even a year ago, and vastly better than I was when I first got to this forum in March of 2019.

 

That is great news. Even if this is a slow process, this kind of statments prove that heal happens. I am very Happy for your progress.  

[getofflex]

So it's been 16 days (I think) since my last reduction, from 0.07 mg liquid Lexapro, to 0.06 mg.  It's going OK.  I'm having   moderate to mild fatigue, some mild insomnia, and some mild DP/DR, but I'm having other issues, such as menopause (hot flashes), and some personal challenges I don't care to divulge, so I'm not sure how much of the symptoms are from the reduction, and how much is from these other factors.  I have always had insomnia off and on since I was a child.  Thankfully, the anxiety is pretty minimal. I still tend to ruminate, but that has always been part of my personality, so there again I'm not sure how much is WD.  I've been getting about 5.5 to as much as 9 hours of sleep each night, which really is pretty good for WD. That is about it.  

 

I will not do another reduction until at least November 17 or 18, because my son and his girlfriend will be visiting from the east coast Nov 11 - 16.  It will be the first time I've seen them in 2 years!  (because of the lockdown) I'm very excited that they are coming to see us soon.  My younger son will be coming home this afternoon from college.  He is in state, so only 1.5 hours drive away.  I hope to get to snooze some this afternoon to help with the fatigue.  

 

I'm very excited that I'm so close to zero!  It won't be long now.  I have about 6 more reductions to go.  I plan to do: 0.05, 0.04, 0.03, 0.02, 0.01, then toothpick if needed.  I'll hold for as long as I need to between each reduction, and listen to my body.  

Edited October 22, 2021 by getofflex

[getofflex]

It's been almost a month since my last reduction.  I'm doing well today - I slept about 8.5 hours, so thankfully my sleep is improving.  Insomnia has been my most challenging symptom.  

 

I had a stressful last few days, because of a friend who has gone toxic on me, unfortunately.  But I have managed to set some strong boundaries, and will take a break from her for a couple of weeks.  I really felt the stress, as for a few days my sleep was affected, and I was very anxious and ruminative about the situation.  I think that getting almost off the Lexapro has given me much better discernment and cognitive abilities, and I've been in a process of re-evaluating my friendships and relationships with family, and setting new boundaries.  However, my nervous system doesn't handle the stress of this well, yet.  Hopefully, someday it will, I think so.  

 

I have my son, who I haven't seen for almost 2 years, (due to the pandemic), and his girlfriend coming in in 9 days, so I won't do a reduction until after that.  I have a lot of menu planning to do, as she is vegetarian, and the rest of us are not.