sunnysideup69: what can I do to stabilise on venlafaxine

[sunnysideup69]

2 minutes ago, Malbec37 said:

 

Interesting thing here is that I have had very similar experiences....my anxiety and depression started during and after I was mucking around with a LOT of street drugs when at uni between 199 and 2003 - in particular I did a lot of ecstasy during this time and it undoubtedly contributed a lot to my problems but I never thought to see it like having a destabilised nervous system due to recreational drugs

 

So I think that was a big factor also in my life but by no means the only one as I had plenty of friends who also took as many drugs if not more and never seemed to struggle as much as I did with their mental health...so I think for me there are other factors at play including genetics and childhood trauma

 

Same drug for me, also. My personal opinion is that some of us come into life with brain wiring that really isn't designed for tolerating these drugs. And as you say, childhood trauma, especially in brain formative years, makes us more susceptible to problems as our CNS is more fragile. It's taken me ages to learn that lesson...I'm now 51 🤨 But, at least I've learned it. And I can move forward with that knowledge and make better choices in the future. What it is to have 'hindsight', eh? 

 

[Sottana]

@sunnysideup69 This topic is so interesting to me. The idea that we were simply too sensitive for these drugs and yet did them anyway. My first ever difficult mental symptoms came about from getting way too high on marijuana at 18, i’d never experienced panic or anything close it prior to that. Throughout my college and later years, experimenting with cocaine, mdma, many other pills, and heavy alcohol use, it’s very obvious to me now that every time I used something, it created a setback. It’s amazing that our nervous systems let us know with so intense and obvious signs that it doesn’t want this **** and yet be still throw stuff at it until we finally get the message. I think a lot of it is this dampening down of the natural connection we have to our bodies and feelings as a result of these ssris. Alas, we’re on the right path now, and I suspect many of us will never tough anything again out of extreme care and caution. 

[sunnysideup69]

On 5/5/2020 at 4:59 AM, Adili13 said:

@sunnysideup69 This topic is so interesting to me. The idea that we were simply too sensitive for these drugs and yet did them anyway. My first ever difficult mental symptoms came about from getting way too high on marijuana at 18, i’d never experienced panic or anything close it prior to that. Throughout my college and later years, experimenting with cocaine, mdma, many other pills, and heavy alcohol use, it’s very obvious to me now that every time I used something, it created a setback. It’s amazing that our nervous systems let us know with so intense and obvious signs that it doesn’t want this **** and yet be still throw stuff at it until we finally get the message. I think a lot of it is this dampening down of the natural connection we have to our bodies and feelings as a result of these ssris. Alas, we’re on the right path now, and I suspect many of us will never tough anything again out of extreme care and caution. 

 

Totally with you, @Sottana. We started off probably with sensitised nervous systems and I don't know about you, but I experimented with a lot of this stuff as a way of coping with stress! Rather ironically. Didn't seem to realise that I was stressing myself out even more by using them.

We are on the right path now, as you say, and I for sure won't ever touch anything again. These last two years have been excruciating, at times....all because of an impulse to get high, which only lasted for a few hours. And the resulting destabilisation. SO not worth the trade off. 

[Longroadhome]

On 5/5/2020 at 6:13 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

 

Totally with you, @Sottana. We started off probably with sensitised nervous systems and I don't know about you, but I experimented with a lot of this stuff as a way of coping with stress! Rather ironically. Didn't seem to realise that I was stressing myself out even more by using them.

We are on the right path now, as you say, and I for sure won't ever touch anything again. These last two years have been excruciating, at times....all because of an impulse to get high, which only lasted for a few hours. And the resulting destabilisation. SO not worth the trade off. 

Really interesting reading through @sunnysideup69 and @Sottana

i have something to add onto this from a slightly different perspective . 
ive been on Paxil on and off since my 20s. Each time staying on then coming off easy and being fine for a few years (nearly always around the three year marker) then bump out of nowhere Anxiety and depression hit me again . Could never tie it to anything happening in my life. For a while now I’ve wondered if it could have been the cycling of going on and off Paxil.  We just don’t know how long term or intermittent use of any drugs affect us.  

[sunnysideup69]

On 5/5/2020 at 12:37 PM, Longroadhome said:

Really interesting reading through @sunnysideup69 and @Sottana

i have something to add onto this from a slightly different perspective . 
ive been on Paxil on and off since my 20s. Each time staying on then coming off easy and being fine for a few years (nearly always around the three year marker) then bump out of nowhere Anxiety and depression hit me again . Could never tie it to anything happening in my life. For a while now I’ve wondered if it could have been the cycling of going on and off Paxil.  We just don’t know how long term or intermittent use of any drugs affect us.  

 

Exactly, LRH.....and when you went on/off, before, probably you didn't do a ten per cent taper? I really think that slow taper is key.....

[Sottana]

@sunnysideup69 It was always for coping. I knew I was different from friends because I tended to over-do it/get obsessed with it as a coping mechanism. Especially alcohol. I don’t really identify with the AA community, but I think I could’ve easily been one of their members. 
 

@Longroadhome yes, I’ve done many ups and downs with these meds and it’s certainly affected my journey. My father had been on Paxil for 20 years, never making any changes, and his journey off has been relatively easy. 

[sunnysideup69]

34 minutes ago, Adili13 said:

@sunnysideup69 It was always for coping. I knew I was different from friends because I tended to over-do it/get obsessed with it as a coping mechanism. 

 

Same here....but for me, it was pot and mdma, in my late twenties. The only 'coping mechanisms' I had.

[Sottana]

1 hour ago, sunnysideup69 said:

 

Same here....but for me, it was pot and mdma, in my late twenties. The only 'coping mechanisms' I had.

I used both of these for a while, too. Was also heavily into pain medication and even dabbled with heroin and crack at times. Makes me feel very guilty that I did that to my body nowadays, but the past is the past. Onwards and upwards! Now I don’t even drink caffeine 🤣🤣. 

[sunnysideup69]

8 hours ago, Adili13 said:

I used both of these for a while, too. Was also heavily into pain medication and even dabbled with heroin and crack at times. Makes me feel very guilty that I did that to my body nowadays, but the past is the past. Onwards and upwards! Now I don’t even drink caffeine 🤣🤣. 

 

Yeah, exactly 🤣 I'm fussing about whether or not a cake is gluten free, or has sugar in it🤣 How times change! The bit that gets me about the whole scenario, for me, is that I had bad consequences from doing MDMA in 2016, went back on Citalopram as a result, then repeated the same mistake again in 2018 when I was tapering off 🙄 Plus, I'm older (should know better.) I was talking about that in therapy yesterday, realised I haven't quite forgiven myself for being human and making mistakes. Anyway, I might be a slow learner, but I'm learning now.....and that's the main thing. 

[sunnysideup69]

Quick update. 8 days into this wave now. Two weeks since my brother's/sister's funeral. I crashed somewhat last Wednesday, think I was carried through the whole thing on adrenaline and sugar.

Also, have to keep reminding myself that it's pretty normal to be feeling like this at the moment, have been through a big shock. Two losses back to back. Can't expect myself to be skipping around.

Feeling quite battle weary this morning. Life is no respecter of WD. Also, utterly fed up of being in lockdown also don't have the energy to do anything/ go anywhere at the moment, anyway.

 

Feeling frustrated that I was doing so well in January but over the past three months, I'm feeling worse, even though I understand why. 

[Longroadhome]

40 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Quick update. 8 days into this wave now. Two weeks since my brother's/sister's funeral. I crashed somewhat last Wednesday, think I was carried through the whole thing on adrenaline and sugar.

Also, have to keep reminding myself that it's pretty normal to be feeling like this at the moment, have been through a big shock. Two losses back to back. Can't expect myself to be skipping around.

Feeling quite battle weary this morning. Life is no respecter of WD. Also, utterly fed up of being in lockdown also don't have the energy to do anything/ go anywhere at the moment, anyway.

 

Feeling frustrated that I was doing so well in January but over the past three months, I'm feeling worse, even though I understand why. 

Sunny all of us going through WD  have experienced what your going through . One step forward five steps back remember. 
it may take a while but it will

pass. 
ive read so many threads with people asking why they are feeling worse. It’s the window and waves pattern . 
It is hard going through WD and being in lockdown. 
but the weathers good at the moment so go walk the dog and sit in the sunshine . Make yourself do it even if you don’t want to. 
get your diary out and pencil in an activity for each day. Maybe a different route with the dog. Or go for a walk and pick a Costa up to go at the garage (that’s what I’ve been doing ). go find a bench and watch the world go by (social distancing adhered to naturally 😉) 

getting out and breathing in fresh air among nature is such good therapy. 
Each day that passes is another day of healing . Say it believe it because it’s happening. 

[sunnysideup69]

5 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

Sunny all of us going through WD  have experienced what your going through . One step forward five steps back remember. 
it may take a while but it will

pass. 
ive read so many threads with people asking why they are feeling worse. It’s the window and waves pattern . 
It is hard going through WD and being in lockdown. 
but the weathers good at the moment so go walk the dog and sit in the sunshine . Make yourself do it even if you don’t want to. 
get your diary out and pencil in an activity for each day. Maybe a different route with the dog. Or go for a walk and pick a Costa up to go at the garage (that’s what I’ve been doing ). go find a bench and watch the world go by (social distancing adhered to naturally 😉) 

getting out and breathing in fresh air among nature is such good therapy. 
Each day that passes is another day of healing . Say it believe it because it’s happening. 

 

Thanks @Longroadhome, am going for a 5k walk now. No running for me, too depleted...listening to my body, at last. Then gonna drop in at B and Q and pick up my plant pots that arrived.

I've got two online work meeting this morning....one, a meeting with the kids. The other, a staff meeting. I've previously made a 'rota' for myself with activities every day.....you can take the teacher out of the school, but......

I feel a right state this morning, but am pushing myself to do them, as it's people contact. Just utterly exhausted.

This afternoon I'm going to repot my swiss cheese plant and my lettuce.

I need to stop counting the days that I feel bad....and just let it happen. I read you're in a wave, too......may it pass for us both, soon xxx

[Longroadhome]

7 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

 

Thanks @Longroadhome, am going for a 5k walk now. No running for me, too depleted...listening to my body, at last. Then gonna drop in at B and Q and pick up my plant pots that arrived.

I've got two online work meeting this morning....one, a meeting with the kids. The other, a staff meeting. I've previously made a 'rota' for myself with activities every day.....you can take the teacher out of the school, but......

I feel a right state this morning, but am pushing myself to do them, as it's people contact. Just utterly exhausted.

This afternoon I'm going to repot my swiss cheese plant and my lettuce.

I need to stop counting the days that I feel bad....and just let it happen. I read you're in a wave, too......may it pass for us both, soon xxx

For me waves last weeks on end with new symptoms or ramping up of old ones . Then I’ll get some clarity maybe a day or two then back in the wave. 
have stress issues regarding personal life that are contributing no doubt. But I’m sorting . I’ve split from my partner and I’m staying with my ex husband until my partner leaves my house which should be this weekend with his children . Then I’m going to put the house up for sale.  Don’t want to go back there .  My husband and I bought the house 11 years ago . We split up after 36 years marriage. Because I met my partner . Anyway it’s complicated ! 
so you can see why I’m in a wave !!! 

[Longroadhome]

2 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

For me waves last weeks on end with new symptoms or ramping up of old ones . Then I’ll get some clarity maybe a day or two then back in the wave. 
have stress issues regarding personal life that are contributing no doubt. But I’m sorting . I’ve split from my partner and I’m staying with my ex husband until my partner leaves my house which should be this weekend with his children . Then I’m going to put the house up for sale.  Don’t want to go back there .  My husband and I bought the house 11 years ago . We split up after 36 years marriage. Because I met my partner . Anyway it’s complicated ! 
so you can see why I’m in a wave !!! 

Ps. Do you have children ? 

I have a son and daughter both married and a granddaughter she’s 10 months . I see them every day . They bring me great joy even in WD 😊

[sunnysideup69]

1 hour ago, Longroadhome said:

For me waves last weeks on end with new symptoms or ramping up of old ones . Then I’ll get some clarity maybe a day or two then back in the wave. 
have stress issues regarding personal life that are contributing no doubt. But I’m sorting . I’ve split from my partner and I’m staying with my ex husband until my partner leaves my house which should be this weekend with his children . Then I’m going to put the house up for sale.  Don’t want to go back there .  My husband and I bought the house 11 years ago . We split up after 36 years marriage. Because I met my partner . Anyway it’s complicated ! 
so you can see why I’m in a wave !!! 

 

God yes, that's a lot to be contending with, can totally see why you're in a wave right now. I can't remember being this exhausted in a wave before, it's amazing how much emotional stress can tire you out physically. Are you still managing some kind of exercise routine, with the gym being closed?? 

I don't have kids, I have elderly parents 🤣 Kind of similar. I'm seriously considering getting a kitten in a totally mid life kind of way. I had a cat before and she helped me to pull through some tough times because of her dizzy antics.

Been out for my walk now, also had a magnesium salts bath this morning, so hopefully I won't fall asleep during staff meeting online.

Giving myself tasks to do every day, just little ones, to keep me ticking over.

[sunnysideup69]

13 hours ago, Adili13 said:

@sunnysideup69 
 

@Longroadhome yes, I’ve done many ups and downs with these meds and it’s certainly affected my journey. My father had been on Paxil for 20 years, never making any changes, and his journey off has been relatively easy. 

 

Yes, using them 'on and off' is certainly what seems to create problems for a lot of people. I was reading Alto's reply to Potatoghost the other day. I noted that he said he felt okay, the first time going on ads ( or that was implied, anyway.) But it was subsequent times that he felt 'worse before he felt better.' And Alto's reply was along the lines that this feeling 'worse before better' on ads, is not good.

And it struck me that yes, this is a myth that is consistently perpetuated, this 'worse before better' thing. I thought about it, and the first time I took Citalopram, I felt a lift. It was the second time and during the updoses that I felt 'worse before better'...and they were warnings that my body was not happy, but because of this myth, we hang on in there....until our body somehow accepts the weirdness and we 'stabilise.'

It's all really bizarre.

[Longroadhome]

4 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

 

God yes, that's a lot to be contending with, can totally see why you're in a wave right now. I can't remember being this exhausted in a wave before, it's amazing how much emotional stress can tire you out physically. Are you still managing some kind of exercise routine, with the gym being closed?? 

I don't have kids, I have elderly parents 🤣 Kind of similar. I'm seriously considering getting a kitten in a totally mid life kind of way. I had a cat before and she helped me to pull through some tough times because of her dizzy antics.

Been out for my walk now, also had a magnesium salts bath this morning, so hopefully I won't fall asleep during staff meeting online.

Giving myself tasks to do every day, just little ones, to keep me ticking over.

Sounds like yr sticking to schedule . I know it’s hard to motivate yourself when In a wave but doing something and trying to keep busy is better than sitting dwelling on  WD 

good luck with the staff meeting 

i think  your managing very well considering you’re out of routine. 
and of course bereavement. 
 

keep us posted how yr day goes 

 

keep going 

[sunnysideup69]

Quick check in; despite a difficult start, yesterday was a good day.

Walked 5k, did a brief shop, came home and logged on to 4H Zoom meeting, with their main teacher (I'm their permanent cover teacher.) Actually, just seeing their faces really cheered me up. By 10am, I was in a much better mood. Had another Zoom meeting that morning, then had lunch. Rest of the day, I repotted plants and seedlings, felt good. Sat in the sun for a bit. Got those sunrays.

This morning some increased anxiety again, but a little better.

Facial skin is still healing. Most healing is occurring on right side of face. Left side is now a lot better. But oh, my skin is SO dry. Now, I am 51, so am not really gonna be dewy, but still.....hard to know what's hormonal and what's a consequence of the antideps.

Main plan for today is to do my gym exercises ie push ups etc. and I'm gonna do a 5 rhythms class online later this eve.Bit more gardening this afternoon. Just plodding on and taking it easy.

Wouldn't say I'm wave-free yet, will have to see. Or it may just be that my baseline of WD normal has lowered a bit, owing to personal and world factors, but will just see now how the next couple of months go.

I

[Cocopuffz17]

12 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Quick check in; despite a difficult start, yesterday was a good day.

Walked 5k, did a brief shop, came home and logged on to 4H Zoom meeting, with their main teacher (I'm their permanent cover teacher.) Actually, just seeing their faces really cheered me up. By 10am, I was in a much better mood. Had another Zoom meeting that morning, then had lunch. Rest of the day, I repotted plants and seedlings, felt good. Sat in the sun for a bit. Got those sunrays.

This morning some increased anxiety again, but a little better.

Facial skin is still healing. Most healing is occurring on right side of face. Left side is now a lot better. But oh, my skin is SO dry. Now, I am 51, so am not really gonna be dewy, but still.....hard to know what's hormonal and what's a consequence of the antideps.

Main plan for today is to do my gym exercises ie push ups etc. and I'm gonna do a 5 rhythms class online later this eve.Bit more gardening this afternoon. Just plodding on and taking it easy.

Wouldn't say I'm wave-free yet, will have to see. Or it may just be that my baseline of WD normal has lowered a bit, owing to personal and world factors, but will just see now how the next couple of months go.

I

That is great to hear of the improvements! I found I have had a lot of skins Challenges with coming off the medication. I drink a lot of water now that I never used to and it helps me out a lot. 

[sunnysideup69]

16 hours ago, Cocopuffz17 said:

That is great to hear of the improvements! I found I have had a lot of skins Challenges with coming off the medication. I drink a lot of water now that I never used to and it helps me out a lot. 

That's one thing I really need to improve, @Cocopuffz17, I MUST drink more water. Yeah, the skin challenges are weird, aren't they?

 

[sunnysideup69]

I'm updating daily at the moment, thought I would do, post-funerals. Bereavement and the surrounding stress has taken its toll on my recovery but, all things considered, including that I'm here alone in the flat, I'm doing okay. I'd like a bit of a window soon, though.

I'm about a week and a couple of days into a bit of a wave. Actually, am curious to see whether this is a wave or whether this is currently WD normal. Think it's a wave, though, because I'm a bit all over the place. I can wake up feeling terrible, feel good an hour later, crash back down again in the afternoon etc. This isn't my usual WD 'normal' of worse in the morning and gradually improving.  It's a bit more turbulent than that at the moment, so just going with the rather choppy flow.

 

Also, it's not an AWFUL wave. I'm still up and around and doing what needs to be done, albeit slowly. And I do believe I'm handling it a tiny bit better.....haven't asked for reassurance this time that it will pass. More trusting that this will be so. 

 

Did an online art class this morning which was wonderful, even though I woke with anxiety. Gonna do an online 'sharing circle' tomorrow morning, connected to my 5 rhythms tribe. Yesterday, a local friend walked past the flat and we had a socially distanced cuppa together, her sitting by the gate and me by the wall. Felt much better afterwards. That's what's tough about being in isolation......it's that lack of actual face to face contact. Screen isn't as good, but it's something.

 

Anyway, that's my update. Hoping this finds you all well, lovely people  

[Erell]

4 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Also, it's not an AWFUL wave. I'm still up and around and doing what needs to be done, albeit slowly. And I do believe I'm handling it a tiny bit better.....haven't asked for reassurance this time that it will pass.

 

And yes, it will ❤️

 

[sunnysideup69]

Well, it's Sunday now and since Friday lunch time, I've been feeling okay! Pretty 'normal', in fact, tiny bot symptomatic this morning after an Epsom salts bath...made me a bit twitchy. Am ok now, fingers crossed the wave is going away  I feel quite relaxed.

 

However, I also have a sore throat as of yesterday 🤨 so gonna have to keep my eye on that. I don't think it's anything nasty though....cos I also have a runny nose and have been sneezing a lot. Itchy eyes too. Bit of hay fever, I am pretty sure. No temperature or fever, but rubbish sleep last night.

 

So today, am mainly resting, sitting in the sun, eating. Am in good spirits.

[Hanna72]

27 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Well, it's Sunday now and since Friday lunch time, I've been feeling okay!

That’s amazing 😃 Isn’t it a good feeling when we feel a bit “normal”

Enjoy your day, these good days will keep on coming for us🙏

[Sottana]

@sunnysideup69 That’s amazing. So happy for you. You’re getting there!!! Xxx

[Malbec37]

That’s good to hear @sunnysideup69! Keep working on stability, calming the CNS, incorporating as much heathy food and living skills...keep away from the sugar as much as possible

 

My sleep continues to be poor especially from 5am onwards but I just get up and get going and tends to be ok...afternoon nap can really help 

 

 

[Erell]

On 5/10/2020 at 12:44 PM, sunnysideup69 said:

Well, it's Sunday now and since Friday lunch time, I've been feeling okay! Pretty 'normal'

 

How nice it is to read this ! 

See ? I told it would pass

 

❤️

 

[sunnysideup69]

On 5/10/2020 at 12:14 PM, Hanna72 said:

That’s amazing 😃 Isn’t it a good feeling when we feel a bit “normal”

Enjoy your day, these good days will keep on coming for us🙏

 

It's quite a relief when the normal feeling comes back. Am a bit droopy today, but I seem to have a cold and so I'm not very energetic/ have been sleeping a lot. BUT, mood is holding up.

 

On 5/10/2020 at 6:48 PM, Adili13 said:

@sunnysideup69 That’s amazing. So happy for you. You’re getting there!!! Xxx

 

Thank you! Isn't it funny how we keep finding one another on different social media channels?? Good though, WD buddy  

 

On 5/10/2020 at 8:35 PM, Malbec37 said:

That’s good to hear @sunnysideup69! Keep working on stability, calming the CNS, incorporating as much heathy food and living skills...keep away from the sugar as much as possible

 

My sleep continues to be poor especially from 5am onwards but I just get up and get going and tends to be ok...afternoon nap can really help 

 

 

 

That's it, will keep plugging away at all of those. Am now on day 13 sugar free.....I also still have that early waking thing. Funny you should mention afternoon nap- just had one!

 

 

On 5/11/2020 at 4:14 PM, Erell said:

 

How nice it is to read this ! 

See ? I told it would pass

 

❤️

 

 

You did! I'm so glad it did. Hopefully a bit of stability again now for a while. How are you doing??

[sunnysideup69]

Morning all, morning @Gridley, hope you don't mind me tagging you, would be interested in your thoughts.

 

Well, today is month 9 since I reset the clock by switching from Citalopram 20mg  to Venlafaxine 75mg XR. (And a whole year of changes and some kindling before that.)

 

Thought I'd do an update.

 

I switched on August 14th 2019, from then until end of October 2019 was pretty turbulent. Some very good days interspersed with some pretty terrible ones. November and December saw longer strings of good days. January 2020 was the best month, there were a few bad days but overall it was a relatively stable month.

 

Then we got to February and the news of my brother's terminal cancer diagnosis, his treatment was stopped. February was a mix of feeling mostly ok/Wd normal and a few real wobbler days....so, still not bad.

 

Then we get to March and the increasing news of the pandemic/ my own family situation. Worst wave in a while at the beginning of March and then kind of WD normal, but a bit worse anxiety than in previous two months. Mostly in the mornings and gradually reducing through the day. Anxiety increased a bit as the world 'shut down.'

 

April and May, since my brother and sister's deaths, have been a lot more variable again. Siblings died at the beginning of April and really, I've been in windows and waves ever since. Strings of worse days and then strings of better days.The worse days are either increased 'anxiety' or increased 'depression.' The better days range from feeling a bit blank to feeling almost normal.

 

My feeling is that I was moving forward and stabilising up until February, but the last couple of months have set me back into a bit more of a variable pattern again. It's a bit frustrating but to be expected, given the circumstances. As well as sibling deaths, I think the world situation is getting to me a bit more than I realised. Still doing self care, have cleaned up diet, am exercising regularly, daily meditation, reaching out to friends and having whatsapp chats and some distanced meeting up and chatting ( for the first time yesterday.) 

Not really sure what my question is, @Gridley, just kind of checking in. Does this all sound pretty 'normal' given the time and circumstances?  I've read from other posts here that 9 months isn't necessarily an exceptionally long time to wait. Feel like I couldn't begin a taper at the moment, some days I do feel like, when will I ever be able to start? Do you think it's wise to hold a bit longer, possibly until feeling similar to the levels of stability I was experiencing in January? In January, I didn't feel amazing all the time but there was less variability in the ups and downs, which was my WD normal. I kind of feel like the last couple of months have caused that 'WD normal' to deteriorate a bit.

 

My skin is still not quite recovered from that cold switch, but it's slowly getting better. Sleep- it's not bad. Minimum six hours, sometimes more, often a bit broken up with early morning dreams. I'm functional. Looking forward to one day saying, I'm thriving! I do get stressed more easily than before and it takes me a while to recover. Still some gut issues as in, they can be a bit painful at times.

Anyway, that's my ramble. Here's to further healing  

[sunnysideup69]

Morning @Gridley, was wondering your thoughts on my post above this one, from yesterday ?

Hope all's well with you? And the pups

 

On top of my ramble above, I also wanted to ask, is it important to distinguish between symptoms of grief and symptoms of WD? Some of them overlap, eg hopelessness, exhaustion, poor sleep. To some extent, I guess it doesn't matter...it's just a matter of coping with them?

 

Really, my main WD symptoms left are heightened anxiety sometimes, low mood/ low pleasure/ anhedonia, body tics and jerks some days. Sometimes a bit withdrawn, not wanting to see anyone.Racing thoughts, sometimes palpitations. When I see it typed out like that, it's not terrible, although all of those symptoms vary in intensity.

I think sometimes the normal mood fluctuations in a day can get amplified by WD.

Anyway, much obliged for your thoughts.

[Gridley]

On 5/14/2020 at 1:14 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

Does this all sound pretty 'normal' given the time and circumstances? 

It sounds very normal, given your family situation and the world situation.  

 

On 5/14/2020 at 1:14 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

9 months isn't necessarily an exceptionally long time to wait.

It's not long, especially, again, given your situation.  Also, the 9 month mark is a common time for a wave to hit, so waiting is wise.

 

On 5/14/2020 at 1:14 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

the last couple of months have set me back into a bit more of a variable pattern again.

The waves and windows will continue and this is normal.

On 5/14/2020 at 1:14 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

I kind of feel like the last couple of months have caused that 'WD normal' to deteriorate a bit.

Again, given the situations, this is perfect normal.  When I read your second post, really, it sounds like you're doing very well, all things considered.

 

9 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

is it important to distinguish between symptoms of grief and symptoms of WD? Some of them overlap, eg hopelessness, exhaustion, poor sleep.

I don't think it's important to distinguish and I don't know if you can.  As you said, some of them are going to overlap and both WD and grief require the same coping skills and self-care and self-kindness.

 

9 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I think sometimes the normal mood fluctuations in a day can get amplified by WD.

This is absolutely true.  I find it's the same with chronic physical symptoms that get amplified by stress and WD.

 

It sounds to be that everything is on track and you've made a successful switch.

 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Thank you @Gridley, really do appreciate your feedback. It's like my touchstone for sanity.

 

My friend has just been around, we sat in the front garden at a distance and had a chat and it was really nice to just have some human to human presence. 

 

I did an online art class this morning. I often find that I don't feel like I 'want' to do things, even nice things, but when I actually start doing them, I enjoy them. 

Living alone has been tough in WD/lockdown, and I am now looking forward to some restrictions easing a bit and seeing people in the flesh.

 

I realise too that I am still sometimes confusing WD normal with 'myself on my best day.'  Have to keep reminding myself that my WD normal is okay, functional, and will improve over time.

 

Again, thank you for all that you do here  

[thelegend]

14 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Morning @Gridley, was wondering your thoughts on my post above this one, from yesterday ?

Hope all's well with you? And the pups

 

On top of my ramble above, I also wanted to ask, is it important to distinguish between symptoms of grief and symptoms of WD? Some of them overlap, eg hopelessness, exhaustion, poor sleep. To some extent, I guess it doesn't matter...it's just a matter of coping with them?

 

Really, my main WD symptoms left are heightened anxiety sometimes, low mood/ low pleasure/ anhedonia, body tics and jerks some days. Sometimes a bit withdrawn, not wanting to see anyone.Racing thoughts, sometimes palpitations. When I see it typed out like that, it's not terrible, although all of those symptoms vary in intensity.

I think sometimes the normal mood fluctuations in a day can get amplified by WD.

Anyway, much obliged for your thoughts.

I think we are in a similar boat right now. Still waiting for stability, and dealing with the ups and downs that come with it. My symptoms are pretty much identical to yours, seems maybe the anxiety is the last to leave us.

[sunnysideup69]

9 hours ago, thelegend said:

I think we are in a similar boat right now. Still waiting for stability, and dealing with the ups and downs that come with it. My symptoms are pretty much identical to yours, seems maybe the anxiety is the last to leave us.

 

I think anxiety is often the last thing to go, have seen it written here and in other places, too.

This morning, I have woken up in such a good mood! I'm beginning to settle down again from the upheaval of the last two months, don't get me wrong, symptoms are still coming and going but they are getting a lot better. I'm feeling hopeful, today. Going dog walking this morning, which will also involve seeing a friend, briefly. Then a day of gardening, cleaning the flat and catching up on good TV. Sending you warm wishes for a good day, @thelegend. We're getting there.

[sunnysideup69]

Some good news. Am gonna post good news, too, as otherwise this log just becomes 'tales of misery.' Want to keep it balanced and as the saying goes 'recognise when you are feeling good.' Yesterday was one such day, it was a window. I think today will be, too. I've been having occasional magnesium salts baths now and again and I think that's helping to calm me as well as these other steps.

 

Both days, I have awoken with ZERO anxiety, ❤️ ,feeling calm. This morning, said a prayer of gratitude before getting out of bed. It's so good to wake without anxiety. That has eluded me since February, but it's back. Felt so happy yesterday that I had a little dance to a favourite track around the flat.

 

Over the last two weeks I have given my system a break and have temporarily stopped running and replaced it with long walks. I realised that running was just knackering my system further after the stress of two bereavements and that I need to go gently this month. I'll experiment again with jogging in June, if I feel better. 

 

Also, have cut out the refined sugar and am eating better. Also, sunshine. When the sun is out, am sitting in it for an hour or so and getting some vitamin D.

 

Anyway, I feel calmer. Sending you all good wishes for a happy Sunday.

[Cigale]

3 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Both days, I have awoken with ZERO anxiety, ❤️ ,feeling calm.

This is simply beautiful news. Thank you for sharing!