sunnysideup69: what can I do to stabilise on venlafaxine

[Sonia009]

On 2/27/2021 at 7:48 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

Thanks for your posts, @mstimcand @BooBoo19. Will visit you on your threads.

 

Well, seem to have descended into a wave this week. Has peaked over the last 24 hours, so will hopefully go away very soon. Yesterday, had a lot of agitation and was just absolutely exhausted. Spent most of the day on the sofa drifting in and out of sleep. Mornings have been horrible. Have also had some very vivid dreams, feels like something definitely going on in my brain. Have had feelings of flatness/pointlessness/ meaninglessness. Discontent. 'Trying to fill the day' kind of feeling.

Funny, as it was only last Sunday I had posted on social media that I feel much calmer and more content......bump! Landed on my bum again.

As usual, am looking for reasons 'why,' but there may not be any particular reasons, am also aware. Am sure post menopausal hormones also play into it, but I won't add HRT into the mix for fear of making myself worse.

Had quite a 'sugary' stay at home with parents last week, ate sugary stuff three days in a row. Am also wondering whether half marathon training for 3 and a half months has set recovery back, a little bit. Haven't done any very long walks since the beginning of February, but perhaps my body is taking a while to recover from all that added activity. I notice my nervous system has been a bit more easily triggered since then. Whilst training, it also seems that I was a bit more wavey. Feeling tired and irritable with it all this morning. Have been holding steady for a year and a half and may have to hold longer.

 

One thing I've learned for sure is that stabilisation is painstakingly slow (in my case, maybe not in yours) and full of ups and downs. Life circumstances can certainly aggravate healing, too. One has to develop enormous patience in order to cope with the process. 

I guess it just 'is what it is', as they say. Sorry, this is a grouchy post. Probably the light will switch on again tomorrow and I'll feel better, just venting a bit and feeling dysregulated.

Hi Sunny, wow that's great news! It's taken a while but as you say, life circumstances play a huge part in recovery and it's different for everyone. I haven't posted here much either for the same reason as you, still on the same dose. Hope your training goes well for your marathon. Best wishes to you and Obi x😊

[Hanna72]

Fantastic news Sunny. You so deserve it, embrace it and enjoy 🥰

[Longroadhome]

I’m so happy for you Sunny 👍 enjoy !! 

[Malbec37]

Great to know you’re doing well Sunny and enjoying some happiness in life! Just lovely ☺️ 

[sunnysideup69]

Thank you @mstimc @Hanna72 @Longroadhomeand @Sonia001 @Malbec37 @Longroadhomesending you all big hugs.

I'm off the refined sugar and eating pretty clean, which has really helped.

If I eat refined sugar or have a binge, I feel hungover the next day. It's very strange. 

Am pretty sure a major factor in stabilising has been my kitten, Obi. He's adorable!

Anyway, am going to enjoy this summer, I hope. Summer 2018/ 2019/ 2020 were pretty yuk. Then the next big adventure awaits....tapering. Eeek! However, hopefully this journey to stability has taught me a few skills to help me out.

Am gonna check out your threads....

[Erell]

So happy to read how well you are doing dear Sunny !

You so deserve this peace of mind ❤

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Back with a cautionary update for anyone thinking of using Vagifem (estrogen pessaries.) I've had to stop using them after only a month.

 

Am in such a funk/ wave right now and have been for about two weeks, finally it has clicked and I'm pretty sure the pessaries are the culprit. Even though the estrogen content is minimal, it seems I'm super sensitive to it and it has set me back....I'm very moody, listless, cannot be bothered with anything. Flat.

 

For the first two weeks of using them ( continuous), I was ok mood wise but I did notice I was very headachey and had a sore throat. 

 

Then, you switch to twice weekly as a maintenance dosage. Oh boy, that's when the 'fun' started. My mood dropped after about three days. Couldn't be bothered to get out of bed to go to work, rang in sick. Super forgetful. Odd waves of really bad mood over nothing. Suddenly crying for no reason. Feeling horrible in the mornings. Eating for the Olympics. Am in a wave, a really weird one. Also, have a sore stomach.

 

Gynae GP had said 'they are not systemic hrt' but I've realised for me, that doesn't matter. ..anything you put into your body will get into your bloodstream.

 

So.....really hoping the effects will wear off/ wave will settle again soon. Back to non hormonal alternatives, for me. Blah.

[Hanna72]

@sunnysideup69so sorry to hear that sunny. I feel you on this hormonal rollercoaster.  Its the worst. I have also thought about trying hrt, but it feels like everything I put in my body these days has some kind affect on me, so I am scared of trying it. I am also trying to ride it out  but its really hard. The hormones will balance out, the body will take care of it, as with our withdrawals from the meds. I know you will come out of this wave sooner then you might think. You have done it before and you will for sure do it again. You have come along way dear, you are strong.

Hang in there, greetings from rainy Reykjavik.

[Erell]

Hang in there dear Sunny !

 

The way our bodies are so sensitive never ceased to amaze me.

Your body has already done a ton of 'stabilisation work', you might feel better sooner than you think ☀️

 

Sending big hugs!

[sunnysideup69]

Thank you dear @Hanna72 and dear @Erell,

Gah! It's so frustrating. You're right, Erell, we are super sensitive. I'm amazed at what my body can't tolerate any more, what affects it. No alcohol, no hormonal creams, no sugar.

 

Forgot to mention, I'm also sleeping a lot, which is down to the added estrogen. Got an outbreak of spots, also. Plus feeling spaced out all the time.

 

In a way though, it's also kind of fascinating. I'm definitely being pushed down the 'natural healing' route. 

 

Anyway, thank you for your good wishes. Sending you both hugs, going to pop onto your threads xxx

[Sonia009]

4 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Back with a cautionary update for anyone thinking of using Vagifem (estrogen pessaries.) I've had to stop using them after only a month.

 

Am in such a funk/ wave right now and have been for about two weeks, finally it has clicked and I'm pretty sure the pessaries are the culprit. Even though the estrogen content is minimal, it seems I'm super sensitive to it and it has set me back....I'm very moody, listless, cannot be bothered with anything. Flat.

 

For the first two weeks of using them ( continuous), I was ok mood wise but I did notice I was very headachey and had a sore throat. 

 

Then, you switch to twice weekly as a maintenance dosage. Oh boy, that's when the 'fun' started. My mood dropped after about three days. Couldn't be bothered to get out of bed to go to work, rang in sick. Super forgetful. Odd waves of really bad mood over nothing. Suddenly crying for no reason. Feeling horrible in the mornings. Eating for the Olympics. Am in a wave, a really weird one. Also, have a sore stomach.

 

Gynae GP had said 'they are not systemic hrt' but I've realised for me, that doesn't matter. ..anything you put into your body will get into your bloodstream.

 

So.....really hoping the effects will wear off/ wave will settle again soon. Back to non hormonal alternatives, for me. Blah.

Hi Sunny, what a bummer! Sorry to hear that, you were doing so well too. That's the problem when you introduce something new to your body, you never know how it's going to work out. I do hope it's not long lasting. You've taken hits before but you have sprung back, and so you will on this occasion too. I've not been on here since we last spoke.I had a busy weekend entertaining family, today I'm paying for it. Ate too many sweet, creamy things, that with the stress of entertaining has left me feeling flat today with an upset stomach. Hope Obi is well and comforting you. Hope you stay positive too, it's another hurdle but you will get over it. Best wishes x😊

[sunnysideup69]

Thanks so much @Sonia001, it is a total bummer. Oh well, what can we do, we live and learn. Once your nervous system is sensitized, seems like so many things can trigger waves. I mean, maybe the 'depression' side effect would go away with time, but  I just don't want to take the risk. 

Oh, trust me, I know all about paying for it after eating sweet food....you'll settle down again. It's a pain being so sensitive. Glad you were managing to entertain, though. That's a very good sign  

[Erell]

Hello dear @sunnysideup69

 

I was thinking of you and wondering how you're doing these days after this little bump on the road? 

Hope things are settling smoothly.

 

Thinking that you might soon be on vacation, so hoping you'll have time to rest soon ❤

[Hanna72]

Hey @sunnysideup69

How are you doing these days?

Hope all is good, hugs to you 💕

[sunnysideup69]

Hello @lovely @Erell and @Hanna72!

 

Have just whizzed on to do an update and how wonderful to receive your messages.

I'm gonna visit later on for a bit longer, need to catch up on you all.

 

Well, the good news is, as soon as I stopped dosing the vagifem (estrogen), the wobbles also stopped. The way Vagifem works is, we are told to dose it every day for the first two weeks. That caused some mild headaches and one moody day, but was then fine. The problems started after dropping to twice-weekly dosing. Dropping dosage caused a drop in estrogen and my mood tanked. Then, after every dosing, I'd have mood swings...probably because of inconsistent dosing. I guess I could have experimented with crushing the two doses to be taken in the week and applying them daily.....that may have stopped the ups and downs, if I'm desperate to use it in the future, will try this method. For now, am going for non hormonal creams etc.

 

So, am feeling pretty good. I've have been on an end of term sugar bender. However, have noticed that doesn't give me waves any more, but I do get fatigued when I stop. 

Today, I have restarted no refined sugar, and have dropped to one morning cup of caffeinated tea. August is going to be 'no caffeine no sugar' month. Want to get an accurate assessment of where my mood is without stimulants. Intending to do that also thru September. 

Then in Autumn, I want to switch to a beaded format of Venlafaxine or switch to brand name effexor, and make a teeny cut, say 2.5 percent, and hold for a month.

I'm excited. Never thought, in the early days, I'd be able to taper, ever. But it's feeling more and more possible.

Also, my skin has healed. Scabby face has gone. Hallelujah! Also, sleep is getting better. Slowly, am experiencing deeper and more restorative sleep. Will be interesting to see what cutting caffeine does.

have planned two breaks, one to parents' and one to Snowdonia and some daytrips. 

So, all good here. Normal ups and downs of life. Gonna check out your threads.xxxxxx

[Carmie]

Hi Sunny, 

 

Nice to see you’re doing so well🧡

[sunnysideup69]

Hi @Carmie,

Lovely to hear from you! Yes, all is pretty good here. Feeling excited about the prospect of being off these drugs one day.

How are you? Am gonna drop over to your thread and catch up xxx

[mstimc]

Such great news, Sunny!  Healing does come--in its own time and in its own way--but it does come!

[sunnysideup69]

6 minutes ago, mstimc said:

Such great news, Sunny!  Healing does come--in its own time and in its own way--but it does come!

Thanks @mstimc, 

How are you doing? Are you back in U.S. yet? Will pop over to your thread.

[mstimc]

3 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

How are you doing? Are you back in U.S. yet? Will pop over to your thread.

Doing well.  Dealing with some physical issues (age-related like minor arthritis in neck and shoulders) but hanging in there! 🙂  We should be back in the States by early December unless the airline changes our reservations--again!  LOL! We hope to visit the UK before we go back!

[Carmie]

Hi @sunnysideup69 So glad to hear you’re doing well🧡

[Hanna72]

Great news @sunnysideup69I am so happy for you, thanks for sharing such a positive update.

Hugs sent your way💗

[sunnysideup69]

On 7/26/2021 at 9:42 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

 

 

So, am feeling pretty good. I've have been on an end of term sugar bender. However, have noticed that doesn't give me waves any more, but I do get fatigued when I stop. 

 

 

Hahaha, spoke too soon.

 

Have been on no refined sugar and just one morning caffeinated tea since Monday and my mood has tanked. Doomy, gloomy and weird thoughts about the future. Anhedonia mainly. So, a slight wave, probably a sugar crash. Was really overdoing it for the last month of term, now have stopped, the wave comes. Also, am exhausted from term time. Hey ho. Will just ride the wave. Felt worse yesterday so hopefully my brain is readjusting to no sugar and less caffeine.

[Hanna72]

Dear @sunnysideup69

This ride is for sure a roller coaster. 
It’s amazing how nutrition can play a huge role in keeping us above water. I have too struggled with sugar, and when I keep my nutrition on the healthier side I feel so much better.

Might be your body is adopting to no caffeine and sugar, hang in there it will get better.

 

Hoping for a brighter day to come your way. You’ve got this.

Sending you my support and hugs 💕
 

[mstimc]

3 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Will just ride the wave.

That's the right approach!  Every now and then something will come along to remind us recovery isn't linear.  A change in diet or a major life event can do it.  Waves are temporary, and each day is a day closer to recovery!

[Sonia009]

Hi Sunny, sorry you seem to be going through a bit of a patch again but it will pass like it always does. Wouldn't it be nice if we didn't have to worry about what we eat to determine our mood, just like when we were younger. Haha, those were the days. I always know if I've eaten to much sugar, my mood sinks and I generally feel unwell. I avoid caffeine in cold drinks and beverages but I do regularly take pain killers that contain caffeine if I get a headache/migraine or general body aches. If I stop taking it all together I get a headache in any case. Weird! Hope you feel better soon. Sending best wishes x

[Malbec37]

5 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Have been on no refined sugar and just one morning caffeinated tea since Monday and my mood has tanked. Doomy, gloomy and weird thoughts about the future. Anhedonia mainly. So, a slight wave, probably a sugar crash.

 

@sunnysideup69Hey good to hear you're mostly doing well! It is very frustrating when waves come from nowhere but it will pass and you'll feel good again. It's a long journey but the journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step!

[sunnysideup69]

17 hours ago, Sonia001 said:

 Wouldn't it be nice if we didn't have to worry about what we eat to determine our mood, just like when we were younger. Haha, those were the days. I always know if I've eaten to much sugar, my mood sinks and I generally feel unwell. 

We were lucky back then, eh?! I'm sure changing hormone levels have also made me more sensitive / more sensitive to sugar crashes, also. What a pain!

 

17 hours ago, Malbec37 said:

 

@sunnysideup69Hey good to hear you're mostly doing well! It is very frustrating when waves come from nowhere but it will pass and you'll feel good again. It's a long journey but the journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step!

It IS frustrating. And you're right, it will pass. By the way, well done on making a dosage cut! That's awesome. I'm gonna wave at you from Chippenham on Monday 😂...am coming down to spend some time with my parents. So, will be pampered, which will be lovely. Just going to use the time to stop and rest completely, I'm pooped from work this academic year.

 

Thank you guys. 

[sunnysideup69]

22 hours ago, Hanna72 said:

 

Might be your body is adopting to no caffeine and sugar, hang in there it will get better.

 

Hoping for a brighter day to come your way. You’ve got this.

Sending you my support and hugs 💕
 

Thanks so much, Hanna. I think you're right, the cut in caffeine on top of a big sugar crash....plus end of term. Just gonna lean into it and let it resolve itself. Brains and nervous systems are so strange.

 

19 hours ago, mstimc said:

Every now and then something will come along to remind us recovery isn't linear.  A change in diet or a major life event can do it.  Waves are temporary, and each day is a day closer to recovery!

Thank you! It's good to be reminded. And breathe.........

[sunnysideup69]

Yep, definitely in a wave. What goes up must come down....ate so much sugary rubbish over the last two weeks of term, and have now crashed. Also just exhausted from the weird school year with lockdown in the middle.

 

Have such weird thoughts when in a wave - my life is over, I'm going to die alone, I will never feel better, I shouldn't have gotten a kitten, I don't want to be on holiday, I'm really odd compared to other people (except I don't know who 'they' are)....panicking about how I will 'fill the time'....oh my god, it's almost humorous writing them out today. Where the hell do they come from? Brains are very strange when dysregulated. I'm ok today, ish, had a massage yesterday with some reflexology thrown in for good measure. Am having waves of emotions today, but it's all good. I sort of have the urge to cry but I can't - I think the Venlafaxine has really f***ed up my 'crying function.' Hopefully the reflexology will allow me to have a good cry today. 

 

So, it's now bootcamp. Have already been refined sugar free for a week. Stopped taking the estrogen pessaries, they were messing my mood up - had absolutely no desire to go anywhere or do anything. At same time, cut down to one (large) mug of tea in the morning, caffeinated (Earl Grey. It's my only vice!) Am aiming to cut to half next week at my parents' - don't wanna inflict them with my zero caffeine self. Then on return to London next weekend, am going to stop caffeinated tea altogether. Eek! This is a biggie for me. I've drunk tea ever since I was a girl. Mum and dad are total tea addicts. I've never really been into coffee, but have had plentiful tea. In 2017, I managed to cut to two or three mugs a day. I've only ever once stopped it before....back in 2002, I did a month caffeine free. 

 

Have tried Rooibos and I love it - that will be my 'morning cuppa.'

 

Am reiterating my plan mainly for my own clarity, here it is. I need to keep myself free from sugar and caffeine for a good three months to see where my WD normal actually is. I'd been feeling good across May/ June/ July, but was also eating quite a lot of sugary stuff, which was giving me some kind of a boost. But it's a 'fake boost' and there's always payback, with sugar, in terms of a crash. Am then going to approach my GP about helping me to start getting off Venlafaxine - will explain that I intend to do absolutely minimal cuts. I'd like to switch to a beaded format of Venlafaxine, if there is one, or cross over to brand name Effexor, which has beads. I'm going to remain optimistic that GP will be sympathetic - until/ unless they aren't. Will go armed with 2019 Royal College of Psychiatrists study about people needing to taper more slowly. If I can't get anyone to listen at my surgery, will switch surgery. Or maybe see a private psych who is sympathetic, if such a person exists.

 

Some positives;

• Had a much better academic year, in spite of Covid difficulty. My attendance was good and I have started to enjoy teaching again. Also worked in a great team this year.
• Have begun to take much better care of myself physically this year ( apart from diet slide in last bit of term.)
• My sleep feels like it has improved. I'm still crashing out a bit early sometimes.
• I'm taking myself off for a weekend break in August, going to hike up Mount Snowdon in North Wales. Looking forward to this.
• Absolutely adoring my kitten, Obi, he's six months old now and full of beans. Even on a down day he entices me to play with him, which is good for me.
• I have good friends. Not masses of them, a handful really, but that's better than crowds of people who don't really care.

 

 

[mstimc]

Hi Sunny

 

This is such a great and hope-filled post, despite your current minor setback!

24 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

it's almost humorous writing them out today.

This is actually a wonderful coping tool--writing out your fears helps you see them objectively, free from emotion and negative thought cycles.  Then you can see just how unrealistic they are--well done!

 

I think your plan is excellent, and your attitude/approach will really help as you recover.  Do things on your own schedule and remember this isn't a race or a competition.  You will get there! 

[Longroadhome]

Love your post @sunnysideup69

i think it’s a great reminder to all just how sensitive our CNS is and that even though you have remained steadfast on med and dose you can still have ripples of waves this far out. 
 

 

[Longroadhome]

Also agree with mstimc (what does this  name mean by the way? Just curious) 

This isn’t a race or competition and you my friend lead the way by showing this x

[Sonia009]

Sounds like a good plan Sunny, proves your of positive mind. The future sounds very good for you and this bad patch is only a blip and you will get over it as you have before. The trip to Snowdon sounds great, I haven't done it but always wanted to. Here's to an adventurous future.🍷

[sunnysideup69]

Thanks @mstimc, @Longroadhome and @Sonia001 for your support, it really helps. Have had some odd waves of sadness today, but I think I'm slowly returning to baseline. A, deffo sleeping a lot better this week off the sugar.

Sending you all big hugs and thanks for your kind words.

[sunnysideup69]

Wave over, I think. Some slightly elevated anxiety this morning which quickly resolved. Phew.

 

Also, now day 8 zero sugar and one morning cuppa. Cutting to half cuppa tomorrow, then off caffeine altogether next Monday. Then we can have a couple months of finding out true baseline, no stimulants.