sunnysideup69: what can I do to stabilise on venlafaxine

[Erell]

Hi you !

 

I talk about 'toxic naps' when I fall asleep during the day. Everytime I did, I would woke up highly anxious and it takes a long time To settle down.

I don't have an explaination, but I know I can't take naps because things are worse after.

 

 

Hope you had a good day 

[sunnysideup69]

38 minutes ago, Erell said:

Hi you !

 

I talk about 'toxic naps' when I fall asleep during the day. Everytime I did, I would woke up highly anxious and it takes a long time To settle down.

I don't have an explaination, but I know I can't take naps because things are worse after.

 

 

Hope you had a good day 

That was my experience yesterday, I woke suddenly, feeling anxious....but it did pass within an hour. I think it might be something to do with low blood sugar....maybe.

[sunnysideup69]

Daily notes for Monday 14th October 2019

 

Awake at 2, then 3, back to sleep

Fully awake 430am, make tea

5am some anxiety about a 3

615 breakfast, feeling shaky this morning, as in physically anxiety 3

7am Venlafaxine 75mgXR

715 epsom salts bath, still feeling shaky

8am meditation 30mins, helps alleviate the shakes a little

9am quick snack, took 2200mg fish oil and 150mg magnesium  citrate, went shopping to Homebase now anxiety is 0

1130am back home and prepping/cooking lunch- making a chilli con carne, then busy doing various chores around the house

1330, chilli ready, ate lunch 

 

Now quietly watch youtube channels, this is fatal as I fall asleep...been feeling sniffly and a bit like I have a cold coming anxiety still 0

 

1624 suddenly wake from a nap, dont know how long I've been unconscious, I feel weird, a sense of impending doom, but I remember not to freak out, it's 'just' anxiety playing a trick. My arms feel tense and my heart races a bit. I'm wondering if this is a 'cortisol spike' after sleeping?anxiety 3/4

1700 I ignored the feeling as best as I could and it dissipated, now I feel fine.anx 0

1800 prepare supper and eat

1900 again, watching youtube channels, looking for relaxations and meditations, I find a really good one

 

Suddenly realised today that my sense of taste has been really off since starting Venlafaxine, I'm not getting the nuances of flavour that I used to

2000 find a really relaxing one, listen with headphones....fall asleep😩accidentally

2235 suddenly awake, put myself to bed

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Okay @Gridley, have a confession to make here. I have another thread. I am also here as XXXXXX. Is it possible to delete or integrate that thread?..delete would be preferable, here's why...After I switched to Venlafaxine, was gonna continue to update my old profile. Got into a conversation with a parent of one of my kids at school (I'm a teacher part time) about mental health and she mentioned this website. I then got totally paranoid and wanted to remain anonymous, so came back as my new name. Shouldn't really have used my actual name to begin with. Anyway, integrate if you like or remove old thread.

Edited December 21, 2019 by Shep
removed old username

[Giulietta]

5 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

That was my experience yesterday, I woke suddenly, feeling anxious....but it did pass within an hour. I think it might be something to do with low blood sugar....maybe.

 

When awakening from a nap I am looking for sugar/carbs - without fail. I am not anxious. I know others who are the same way and they are not in WD. Could be blood glucose related.

 

8 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

It's been really dark in London all day, cloudy and rainy, and that weather just makes me feel so tired. In answer to your question, my sleep is definitely better some days than others. Going to try to keep better sleep hygiene, no napping, 10pm bedtime.

 

Dark, clouds, damp weather make me feel depressed and tired as well. In the fall and winter things are much worse for me in general and in the afternoons as the sun sets earlier. We call it SAD - season affective disorder. I haven't found a way to work around this.  In the winter - we have days at a time like this.

 

I do better if I can stay up until 10 for sleeping. As you say - it varies from night to night. And of course some days I am just so tired I fall asleep at 8. 😕

 

 

[Gridley]

On 10/15/2019 at 5:11 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

Is it possible to delete or integrate that thread?..delete would be preferable,

sunny, I don't have the ability but I will bring this to the attention of admins who can do it.  I'll pass on that you'd like to delete XXXXX.

Edited December 21, 2019 by Shep
removed old username

[sunnysideup69]

On 10/15/2019 at 10:22 AM, Gridley said:

sunny, I don't have the ability but I will bring this to the attention of admins who can do it.  I'll pass on that you'd like to delete XXXXX

Thanks Gridley, sorry for any hassle.

Edited December 21, 2019 by Shep
removed old username

[sunnysideup69]

Tuesday 15th October

 

Bit of a crappy day, is the bad news, but not as crappy as other bad days, is the good news.

3am wake, sleep again

4am wide awake

5am drinking tea, feeling like a cold is coming, sore throat sniffly nose, dizzy, feeling down depression about 3

6am breakfast

710 Venlafaxine 75mgXR

830 out for a walk instead of a run, as I'm not feeling well

945 return from walk, mood is lifting a bit dep 3/2

1230 feeling drained, overdid the walk, it was 7km in total

1230 ate a nice stodgy lunch 

Burst of energy mid pm, did hoovering, repotted two plants, cleared tomato plants from back garden and dug the soil

1600 meditation grouchy mood lifting, but not going to yoga because of cold depression 1

1800 bit of supper, very light salady stuff

From here on it's a blur, went to bed around 2230, but between 1800 and then I was drifting in and out of sleep on the sofa. Cold has knackered me out.

[Erell]

Hi you !

Thank you so much for your hugs 😍

Yes patience patience patience....grrr!

 

From what I read on your thread, you seem To be close To stabilisation! I'm so happy for you! 

 

Take good care of yourself  !

[sunnysideup69]

Thank you @Erell, oh gosh I hope so.

 

I was thinking yesterday that I haven't felt 'normal' since March/April 2018, whatever normal is. It's because of the too fast taper of the Cit, and all of the subsequent changes. Still! No point dwelling, I keep telling myself. Had a bit of a tricky, low depression/irritable morning at school, but one thing this withdrawal is teaching me is not to get carried away with thoughts/feelings. Take a breath, take a hundred if necessary, and remember it's all just passing through. 

 

It's interesting; my symptoms have changed a bit. Last week, I had an anxiety peak that lasted a day and a half. This week, the anxiety is much better really, but I've had some low grade depression dips.

 

Hopefully it's all just ironing itself out. I ALWAYS feel better by late afternoon/early evening, so I look forward to that part of the day and relish it. Now I just need to get my bedtime regular....

[Erell]

On 10/14/2019 at 7:59 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

Anxiety/depression free afternoon 

 

Last monday ! This is huge ! Really ! It says that it is possible  And it Will happen again

 

I totally understand: from one day To another, I don't know if I Will suffer from anxiety or dépression. Both are rough !

 

Enjoy your evening

[sunnysideup69]

21 minutes ago, Erell said:

 

Last monday ! This is huge ! Really ! It says that it is possible  And it Will happen again

 

I totally understand: from one day To another, I don't know if I Will suffer from anxiety or dépression. Both are rough !

 

Enjoy your evening

Thank you  I will,  I have to remind myself that I have a string of days at a time where I feel pretty good and then.....plop. But it always passes. xxx

[sunnysideup69]

Bloody cold. Feeling grouchy this morning. Here's yesterday's notes....

 

Wednesday 16th October 2019

Awake at 4, back to sleep

Up at 5, anxiety about 3

530am warm epsom salts bath

545 breakfast

6am 2200mg fish oil, 150mg mag cit

7am Venlafaxine XR 75mg, leave for work

745 arrive at work, anxiety begins to diminish

1130am burst of irritability (cold is annoying me)

12-1.30 pm feel a bit flat/depressed  3 Thoughts of 'I have no dreams to aspire to'....(which is untrue)

1400 prepping lunch, beginning to feel better

1500 eat lunch, then 150mg mag cit

1800 small snack, feeling much better dep 1 then goes

Did some meditation here for about 20mins

From here I forgot to take notes as I was feeling better and also, I was listening to podcasts

2000 around this time fell asleep on sofa

2130, awoke, took myself to bed

 

@Altostrata dear Altostrata, wondering if you still think there's potentially an adverse reaction /too high of a dose of Ven? Or am I just experiencing the normal ups and downs of stabilisation during the day? Thank you very much.

 

 

[Altostrata]

That looks like a promising pattern to me. Appears venlafaxine begins to take effect in about 45 minutes. Please continue to post daily notes.

[sunnysideup69]

19 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

That looks like a promising pattern to me. Appears venlafaxine begins to take effect in about 45 minutes. Please continue to post daily notes.

Thanks so much Alto, will keep posting

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for 17th October

 

Horrible nightmare about drowning, awoke around 3 back to sleep

450 woke up, got up

530 warm epsom salts bath...really have full cold symptoms today, feeling ill, 

6am eat breakfast, irritability 3

615 2200mg fish oil plus 150mg mag cit, some depressive thoughts 3

7am Venlafaxine 75mg XR leave for work

745 arrive at work, depression lifts within half hour 0, have a happy and productive morning

1300 leave work, almost on leaving some slight depressing thoughts againaround 2/3 but realise I havent eaten since 6am, probably also a blood sugar crash

1330 arrive home order lunch, takeaway

1400 eat lunch, feel much better, sadness 0

1600 out for 6k walk, really enjoy it, looking at beauty of autumn in park

1800 eat ice cream and take 150mg mag cit, content and happy

Rest of evening I feel peaceful and happy

2130 bed

 

 

 

 

[Erell]

7 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

content and happy

 

Whouah! This is wonderful! Just reading this makes me Feel happy  😄

 

Wish you a delightful evening

[sunnysideup69]

13 hours ago, Erell said:

 

Whouah! This is wonderful! Just reading this makes me Feel happy  😄

 

Wish you a delightful evening

Thank you @Erell, wishing you a great day xxx

[sunnysideup69]

Friday 18th October

 

Forgot to take notes today because I feel totally 'normal' and happy. So, I just went out and enjoyed the day. Will resume notes today.

Was reading @brassmonkey and the definition of 'withdrawal normal', I think I'm getting my head around it now.....eg, 'withdrawal normal' ISN'T a day like today ( even though today was fantastic.)

 

Withdrawal normal for me, at the moment, is that during the seven days of the week, I have a couple of days where anxiety/depression is worse. The rest of the days are basically okay, usually with a brief mood blip somewhere in the day, usually at the very beginning after waking, or around midday if I need to eat. I think this is the definition of looking at 'withdrawal normal.' Over time, this pattern will improve to maybe one day of feeling dodgy, less days of waking with angst etc. Until the contrasts between good/bad days are less. 

 

I feel like it's coming. But am still gonna hold for quite a few months when I get there.

[brassmonkey]

I'm so glad you were able to have such a wonderful day that you didn't want to take notes. It shows that what you're doing is working. Hopefully today goes as well.

 

That's a pretty good grasp of WDnormal. It's not the day to day fluctuations but rather the day in day out consistencies.

[sunnysideup69]

@brassmonkey, thank you, and got you. So my withdrawal normal at the moment is morning anxiety and some sleep issues with waking a few times. Also, sleep cycle in general needs sorting- falling asleep too early.Am getting the hang of this.

 

Yesterday was also good but am still going to keep notes, also going home tomorrow for a couple days, which is nice but sometimes triggering also.

Saturday 19th October 2019

4am woke up

5am up, feeling ok, very minor anxiety 1

630 breakfast...feeling slightly nauseous, cold seems to have resurfaced a bit more since yesterday

Think I overdid it yesterday cos I was feeling better, walked around 6k both yesterday and day before. Was happy to have energy and be motivated. Now I'm just headachey.

7am Venlafaxine 75mg XR

730 Warm bubble bath with magnesium bath salts, also

Spend the morning 'Marie Kondo-ing' my wardrobe. Now got a pile of things to give away.

Yesterday, got rid of any out of date spices/tins/packages from kitchen. Feels a bit like making a fresh start. Anxiety now 0.

12pm lunch, didn't really enjoy, sense of taste has been killed by Venlafaxine and cold.

This afternoon I'm tired and headachey and coldy, but my mood is still good. Relax on sofa watching back episodes of Gardener's World, planning what I might grow in my allotment (if I ever get one) or in pots around the front of the building.

1800 supper. I've eaten three huge meals today. Supposed to go out but rest at home with cold, instead.

 

2030 Think I fell asleep round about now, same as usual, woke around 2230 and took myself off to bed. 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Sunday 20th October

 

430 woke up, stayed in bed

530 got up, minor anxiety 2 still have cold so decide to rest at home/no running for me today, learning to listen to body

720am Venlafaxine 75mgXR

800 breakfast no anxiety, it's 0

900 2200mg fish oil, 150mg mag cit

930 warm bubble bath with epsom salts

Calmly resting this morning, planning future garden/seed planting

1230 roast dinner prepped and cooked by me

1245 small spike of feeling wobbly, minor 'dread', not sure there's a trigger or if just a random blip, around 2

1400 okay again, anxiety 0, spend a pleasant afternoon at home pottering around meditation with headspace

1800 supper then mostly just watching tv, forcing myself to stay awake until 2200 because I've been sleeping too early/waking too early

2200 Evening was calm and yaaaaay! did it, went to bed, almost straight away asleep

 

[sunnysideup69]

Just for the record, and will elaborate in my notes for today, have had a horrible start today. Am feeling ill with cold and on way home to Chippenham to see parents. Paddington was so busy I felt really panicky, but I just kept going. On the train now. Note to self; travelling with cold and wonky nervous system is brutal. Plus nervous about seeing parents as I always feel a bit 'observed' if I am unwell, they mean well, but it ramps up the anxiety. I'm really having to practice non attachment to mood/thoughts right now. Trying not to feel discouraged, but this is the worst I have felt in a couple of weeks, and it has wobbled me a bit. Any encouragement gratefully received.

[Erell]

Hi @sunnysideup69 !

 

I think you've put a lot of stress about this visit To your parents, plus the travelling thing.

You're doing great : you have good days and anxiety and dépression are slowly going away.

Remember  : it's only a wave, with triggers. It Will pass and you Will continue To write us wonderful diaries 😘

 

I think of you, and you have all my support  ❤

[sunnysideup69]

37 minutes ago, Erell said:

Hi @sunnysideup69 !

 

I think you've put a lot of stress about this visit To your parents, plus the travelling thing.

You're doing great : you have good days and anxiety and dépression are slowly going away.

Remember  : it's only a wave, with triggers. It Will pass and you Will continue To write us wonderful diaries 😘

 

I think of you, and you have all my support  ❤

You're  a gem, my lovely, and yes, you're right. A lot of what I THINK about my parents is exactly that: just stressful thoughts. I need to listen to the YouTube clip I posted you yesterday 😘

An hour later, the train is hurtling towards Wiltshire and I'm pretty much ok again. 

I'm learning very gradually to cope with the anxiety/ panic. Managed to distract myself on my phone and to feel into the sensations. One day, I want to be med free and I really want to be able to mood manage with non drug techniques, certainly getting lots of practice right now.....

Thank you for your kind reminder xxx

[sunnysideup69]

Another note to self; must remember to note down gastro symptoms of this mini wave. Gone from constipated to non constipated. 

My guts are a bit out of order since August. The 20mg Cit caused some chronic diarrhoea, and I've had issues ever since. I'm not constipated in that I can't go at all, it's just that the swapping antideps seems to have weakened my body's natural peristalsis (think that's the word.) Other days it's ok. Wondering if this is a common withdrawal effect.

Now sitting with parents quite peacefully. Anxiety is subsiding gradually. Still have some flu type symptoms.

[Erell]

So glad To read that anxiety is subsiding! 

The YouTube clip is hard for me To understand,  but thanks To my benzo WD i've learned some mindfulness exercices. Not easy To practice with my strong émotions,but at least sometimes I manage To observe my thoughts

 

Enjoy your day ! You're doing great !

[sunnysideup69]

Ugh, I'm ill, so it seems, have woken up shivery this morning after a bad sleep and feeling a bit flu-like. Stomach feels really off. Seem to have a virus, it's not withdrawal because I started to get these symptoms about a week after going back to work. Unfortunately, getting sick has also kicked off a mini wave. Will post yesterday's notes.

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Monday October 21st

 

Awoke at 3am, went back to sleep

5am woke with palpitations, feeling anxious

6am anxiety at 4...wonder if it's connected to going home today? Or because I'm physically ill? Stomach bloated, digestion feels a bit off, random stomach pains, also feel like I have a virus; headachey and shivery. But also intrusive thoughts of arguing with parents, 'fortune telling.'

6am warm Epsom salts bath

630 am eat breakfast, digestion weird, feeling 'belchy' ( sorry, it's gross but true)

7am Venlafaxine 75mg XR and anxiety is still around a 4

830 take 2200mg fish oil and 300mg mag citrate ( took extra mag in one go because I feel so anxious but this may have been a mistake...)

9am leave for Paddington station, anxiety still around a 4/3, nervous about going home and seeing parents

940 arrive at very crowded Paddington and anxiety hits a 6, I have palpitations bit I also don't feel physically well with cold, which isn't helping. Feeling tearful. Legs feel like jelly, gut churny

(also wondering whether I had too much magnesium in one go earlier)

1030am train departs, anxiety back to about 3

1145am arrive back in Chippenham, walk home

12pm arrive home, feeling a bit subdued but it's nice to see parents

1230 pm eat lunch, my appetite is a bit 'off', partly anxiety partly cold, force myself to chat and be sociable but it's difficult as anxiety still 3

1600 my mood is lifting, I'm less anxious, around a 2 or 1, now just relaxing around parents

Still have shivers like I'm harbouring a virus

Rest of evening is ok until.....

2000 go upstairs and lie down to listen to meditation, do my usual accidental falling asleep and wake suddenly at 2230 with anxiety, about a 3, palpitations, very uncomfortable

Hear my parents coming up to bed

Lie in bed, anxiety gradually subsides and I fall asleep but it's fitful

 

Feeling a bit disheartened this morning as I write, because I'm still having greater anxiety. Mods or anyone, is this a wave? Wondering if physical illness could have triggered it? 

Wanted to be well for my visit home, so it's a bit frustrating to be feeling so crappy. Is it also 'normal' in a wave to kind of forget the bigger picture? This morning I'm feeling gloomy like I'm going to get worse and worse and never stabilise......it's like I've forgotten all the progress I was making.

@Gridley or anyone, please send some encouragement. Have to get on a train today and go back to London...

 

I know the answer to this really, but is this a case of stabilising and letting time pass? Even though I'm.having this glitch, would the advice still be tomhold and stabilise? It's so easy to think 'I need more drug' but I've learned with the Citalopram that updosing doesn't make the  fluctuations go away. I had a psychiatrist follow up booked for Friday, booked it ages ago, but cancelled it at the weekend. I know they will just say updose, as will GP, so I've decided, am just not going down that road. 

[Erell]

Dear @sunnysideup69,

 

I Feel sorry for this anxiety you're experiencing. But I also I'm very confident: you've healed incredibly! And you Will continue To heal. 

 

You're experiencing a wave that shake your confidence and give you doubts. I know how it feels

 

I give you all my support, and a big hug, if you  like them.❤

 

You're on the good road! 

[sunnysideup69]

1 hour ago, Erell said:

Dear @sunnysideup69,

 

I Feel sorry for this anxiety you're experiencing. But I also I'm very confident: you've healed incredibly! And you Will continue To heal. 

 

You're experiencing a wave that shake your confidence and give you doubts. I know how it feels

 

I give you all my support, and a big hug, if you  like them.❤

 

You're on the good road! 

Thank you, definitely need that hug today, in a wave and feeling bad. Mostly anxiety. Gosh, it's exhausting. Hard to remember the good days when feeling like this. On the train back to London. My stomach is really, really sore and digestion is very off. It's an effort to eat anything today, everything tastes like cardboard. Also been experiencing some dizziness with the anxiety today, which is new, will include in today's notes. The stomach issues are definitely connected to Citalopram withdrawal, spoke to a friend who cold turkeyed off it and she had the same thing. Anyway, at Reading now, will soon be in London. I've been making my own probiotic drink, kefir, and drank it all of last week, perhaps it also affected my stomach. Might just lay off every supplement apart from fish oil and magnesium now.

[Gridley]

7 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

 

Feeling a bit disheartened this morning as I write, because I'm still having greater anxiety. Mods or anyone, is this a wave? Wondering if physical illness could have triggered it? 

Wanted to be well for my visit home, so it's a bit frustrating to be feeling so crappy. Is it also 'normal' in a wave to kind of forget the bigger picture? This morning I'm feeling gloomy like I'm going to get worse and worse and never stabilise......it's like I've forgotten all the progress I was making.

@Gridley or anyone, please send some encouragement. Have to get on a train today and go back to London...

 

I know the answer to this really, but is this a case of stabilising and letting time pass? Even though I'm.having this glitch, would the advice still be tomhold and stabilise? It's so easy to think 'I need more drug' but I've learned with the Citalopram that updosing doesn't make the  fluctuations go away.

These ups and downs are perfectly normal, from day to day and throughout the day. I can have a poor morning and a reasonably good afternoon or vice-versa. If it continues for quite a while, it's a wave, which is also normal.   

 

Physical illness definitely can trigger symptoms.

 

Yes, when you're in a bad spot, it's very easy (and normal) to forget the big picture.  We all do that.  

 

Yes, it's a matter of stabilizing and letting time pass.  Time is the great cure.  You don't need more drug.  Fluctuations are part of the healing process.

 

You will do fine on the train!

[sunnysideup69]

@Gridley, thank you, I know its a bit needy, but I just needed to see that written down. Overall, I am doing ok. Thank you to you, @Erell, @Altostrata and all who volunteer here. Thank God for SA.

PS journey was fine and I'm feeling happy I managed to survive at home, don't think parents realised I'm freaking out 

[sunnysideup69]

Gonna put this out there as my hope for the future. I'm a qualified psychotherapist, as well as a primary school teacher. I currently use my therapy skills to offer counselling for the pupils at school, but have stopped at the moment to focus upon my own healing. My three days part time teaching work is what I can cope with right now.

 

I was thinking about supporting myself with some counselling at the moment, but as a trained therapist, I have to say that there is a real lack of knowledge amongst colleagues about the effects of antidepressants/ stabilising/ withdrawal etc.

 

When I'm better, I think I'm going to put myself out there as a specialist in that very area. Might even start a support group for people coping with AD withdrawal and stabilisation. 

[Erell]

It sounds like a lovely dream!!! Step by step, this situation Will be known..And your idea would be a terrific step!

 

Now that you're back home, enjoy your sweet cocoon 😚

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Tuesday 22nd October 2019

 

Really fitful, anxious sleep, didn't check times, awake so often, not much sleep. Often, palpitations on waking.

530am fully awake, anxiety 5/6, breathless and palpitations

600am downstairs to make tea, feeling fluey and miserable

630 feeling nauseous but eat a banana in prep for meds

7am Venlafaxine 75mg XR anxiety around 5

Between 6am and 7 am have had to use bathroom about 3 times, stomach very gurgly and digestion 'off'

8am eat breakfast, really not enjoying, another trip to the loo

830 tiny bit calmer, anxiety around 5/4, still have nausea, random pains in gut

930am up and chatting to mum and running a bath, notice belly is really distended/bloated, seems to occur when anxious

10am anxiety around 4, feeling tingling and weakness in my arms, nose blocked, tension like a tight band around stomach

11am do meditation, feeling a bit calmer, anxiety around 3, still have very gurgly gut

1200 eat lunch with parents, anxiety strangely begins to rise again, reaches about 4

130pm leave to catch train back to London, some anxiety on train but it starts to decrease

1530 arrive back home, anxiety about 3, go out to buy food, also suddenly hungry after having no appetite for 48 hours

1600 anxiety goes to 0 from here in, had a pretty 'normal' feeling evening

2200 go to bed, have not slept in the day, fall straight asleep