sunnysideup69: what can I do to stabilise on venlafaxine

[sunnysideup69]

Hello @Erell and @Guilietta, sending love and hugs. Spending minimal time online and enjoying being in the world whilst well. Because we all know ho quickly that can change so am enjoying this happy run whilst I can.

 

Notes for Saturday 16th November 2019 Pretty much symptom free, 👊 apart from restless sleep. I need to work on putting screens off an hour before bed. I'm now on week 13/14 of switch to Venlafaxine and I'm crossing my fingers that things are calming down again. Still over reactive to stress, however.

 

Restless sleep, awake a few times, back to sleep

530 got up anxiety 1

630 breakfast

700 venlafaxine 75mg xr anxiety gone

1215 LUNCH

1500 5k run, really enjoyed, energised after

1800 supper

2200 bed

[Erell]

Dear Sunny

 

Do exactly what you need To do, you're right, enjoy your good time  😙

 

Hugs

[Giulietta]

Dear @sunnysideup69

 

Isn't it wonderful to have a good day. Do a happy dance! 💃

 

6 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Notes for Saturday 16th November 2019 Pretty much symptom free,

 

It sounds like you are taking advantage/enjoying a good day.

 

Do you sleep better if you ignore the screen so soon before sleeping? I can manage this only with the TV as long as I am wearing amber glasses - and have 15 minutes or so of a relaxing routine.

 

Hugs

Giulietta 🤗

 

 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Good morning, yesterday was the sixth good day in a row. Previous record since switching to Venlafaxine was eight. 'Good' means completely distracted and in the actual world, not the world of my head/distracted by symptoms. 

Some symptoms are there but at a minimal level that doesn't interfere with my day. Still mostly in the flat, as am recovering from three full days back at school, nervous system found it tiring. I've had a better sleep last night, also. I did wake once in the night, but I slept from 930 pm ish until nearly 530pm, nearly eight hours. Getting sleep makes a huge difference, @Guilietta, it really does help to keep screens off for at least an hour before bed and just have a wind-down hour of reading/drawing etc. @Erell, thanks my lovely, keep on holding. Sending you both good wishes and love and hugs, we're all doing okay. Got sad news yesterday; my brother has to have another round of radiotherapy on his brain tumour. Wave of sadness yesterday afternoon, but entirely normal. I feel for my parents, coping with this.

 

Notes for Sunday, 17th November 2019

Better sleep. Awoke around 3am, went to toilet, back to sleep.

530am get up

630 breakfast anxiety 1

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Spend morning preparing food.Did strength exercises. No anxiety. Mind is distracted.

1300 lunch and 1200mg fish oil

Afternoon, cooking chilli, stewing apples, preparing food for lunches next week at work, relaxing, enjoying music.

Some sadness about bro, but totally normal and within proportion.

1800 supper

2130 bed

 

 

 

 

[Erell]

Dear Sunny

I'm so glad when I read you : I really Feel that you're close To stabilisation!

I know you still have waves and I really don't mean To minimize your symptoms, but this waves seem To have low intensity with 1/2/3 levels. And in your Windows, as you said, you Feel 'completely distracted and in the real world ".

So glad : you really deserve  these good times after your rollercoaster. 😙

 

I'm sorry To hear about your brother  : as you said, feeling sadness is normal in this situation. 

 

Big hugs !

[Giulietta]

Dear @sunnysideup69

 

What wondeful news that enjoyed another good (consecutive!) day. Spending as much time as you can living outside of yourself is helpful.

 

Do you find that even though you are doing 'normal life' things - where you may be frustrated with what you are doing  (for example a difficult or frustrating task - or in a situation you don't want to be - mental or othrwise?) this may trigger any symptoms?

7 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

'Good' means completely distracted and in the actual world, not the world of my head/distracted by symptoms. 

 

 

How do you find staying out of your head is possible - even while stewing apples and exercising?

 

7 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

recovering from three full days back at school, nervous system found it tiring. I

 

This is quite understandable. Can you put your hand on anything in particular which tired you out? Is there anything you can do to reduce it? 🤔

 

I am quite sad for you about your brother's need for additional radiation treatment. I wish him and your entirely family strength through this difficult and miserable time. 

 

Will post later. Have to dash and try to live outside my head.

 

@Erell and @sunnysideup69 we are all having some improvement which is very nice indeed.

 

Love and hugs,

Giuilietta

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Hi everyone, just zipping in again, but thinking about you all. Trying to be offline and in nature/at home as much as possible and getting on with 'normality.' Catching up with chores I felt unable to do, but also taking it easy. Will do a longer hello at the weekend, gotta enjoy time away whilst feeling relatively normal.

 

Notes for Monday 18th November.

 

Better sleep. Awoke around 3 45am, back to sleep.

530am get up

630 breakfast anxiety 1

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Spend morning preparing food.Did strength exercises. No anxiety. Mind is distracted.

1300 lunch and 1200mg fish oil

Afternoon, some minor palpitations for about 10 minutes, but nothing too disconcerting. If it occurs outside of anxiety, it doesn't seem to bother me.

1800 supper

About 2000, bed, woke about 0000, back to sleep.

 

[sunnysideup69]

On 11/18/2019 at 1:50 PM, Guilietta said:

Dear @sunnysideup69

 

What wondeful news that enjoyed another good (consecutive!) day. Spending as much time as you can living outside of yourself is helpful.

 

Do you find that even though you are doing 'normal life' things - where you may be frustrated with what you are doing  (for example a difficult or frustrating task - or in a situation you don't want to be - mental or othrwise?) this may trigger any symptoms?

 

 

How do you find staying out of your head is possible - even while stewing apples and exercising?

 

 

This is quite understandable. Can you put your hand on anything in particular which tired you out? Is there anything you can do to reduce it? 🤔

 

I am quite sad for you about your brother's need for additional radiation treatment. I wish him and your entirely family strength through this difficult and miserable time. 

 

 

Hey @Guilietta, will answer these properly now. Feels like time is rushing by this week. I find that getting annoyed with things can trigger symptoms e.g. there was a child being aggravating at work yesterday, I found myself getting internally narked and I noticed my legs felt a bit trembly, so yes, I defintiely feel excessive reverberations of my emotional state in my body at the moment.

I guess when I'm fully engaged in an activity, I'm 'being' rather than thinking and so I really don't notice my thoughts and I'm not 'heady.'

 

I'm also very sad about my bro. Really hoping he will be out of hospital by January, as the docs are saying. Hoping this is the last round of radiotherapy he will need. He's had a rough time, for sure.

Gonna drop by your thread now and see how you are doing xxx

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Tuesday 19th November

 

Awoke with anxiety at 1/2, most of the day my mood is 'okay'

Usual routine to day

1330 a passing wave of feeling fed up and tired, only lasted an hour

Bed at 2130

Not good mood but not bad either, mostly just okay and getting on

 

Notes for Wednesday 20th November

Good sleep, woke 4am but back to sleep til 5am

6am anxiety about 3, nausea, bloating

Usual routine

Anxiety until about 830am but then it goes

Slight jelly legs this morning for half an hour, but it goes

Again, most of the day was okay, not happy, not sad, but just distracted by work and getting on

 

I hate to tempt fate, but this is now day 10 of feeling okay, not ecstatic but not awful either. Just....alright. A bit blank. Occasional windows of happiness. Maybe I am beginning to actually level out on the Venlafaxine....let's see. I'm sure there will be waves. At the moment, though, they are very small dips during the day. Going back to work has helped me to lift my mind off myself, and actually, children really cheer me up.

[Gridley]

5 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

but this is now day 10 of feeling okay, not ecstatic but not awful either. Just....alright. A bit blank. Occasional windows of happiness. Maybe I am beginning to actually level out on the Venlafaxine...

 

That's what we call WDnormal, feeling blah, not great but not terrible, without big swings of symptoms.  Brassmonkey wrote:

 

(11)

WDnormal is the overall baseline of where you are in general. The place you are when you're not feeling good, but you're not feeling bad. Sort of a rolling average of the past couple of months between the windows and waves.  Watching the level of WDnormal is a good indicator that things are improving.  Over time you should be seeing a raising of the standard for WDnormal.  Like how you're feeling now is better than say six months ago. It changes very slowly but is a very good indicator.

 

 Many people have the idea that stability is feeling good again, when in fact it's feeling the same level of blah day after day with no big swings to the better or bad. When a person does a drop in dose there will be a corresponding increase in WD symptoms over the next few days.  These symptoms will resolve themselves over the following several weeks and return the person to a slightly raised baseline of discomfort. 

 

[Giulietta]

Hello @sunnysideup69

 

The week has sped by - and I can't believe it is Thanksgiving next Thursday. It is probably bigger than Christmas in the US. The entire year has flashed by. I feel like I have accopmlished nothing that I had set out to. But - onward and upward.

 

I haven't updated my thread and keep saying I will do so - yet have not.  Hopefully this weekend. I've re-started keeping logs and ought to post. Other things keep bubbling to the top - which take me longer to do than I expect. Medical coverage here is changing for me so getting one of my epilepsy drugs next year is a huge question. That has taken hours on the phone - just an example of time I resent losing to things I'd rather be doing.

 

Stressful situations and / thoughts trigger WD symptoms and anxiety - including around medical care related to this. I'm trying not to catastrophize/what if. Don't know if it works the same in UK. What feels/seems like heart pounding is a prevalent one over the past few weeks.

 

I am keeping your brother in my thoughts and prayers for a smooth recovery and return home in January. That's just around the corner!

 

Have a nice weekend if we aren't in touch then.

 

G.

 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

On 11/21/2019 at 7:55 PM, Gridley said:

 

That's what we call WDnormal, feeling blah, not great but not terrible, without big swings of symptoms.  Brassmonkey wrote:

 

(11)

WDnormal is the overall baseline of where you are in general. The place you are when you're not feeling good, but you're not feeling bad. Sort of a rolling average of the past couple of months between the windows and waves.  Watching the level of WDnormal is a good indicator that things are improving.  Over time you should be seeing a raising of the standard for WDnormal.  Like how you're feeling now is better than say six months ago. It changes very slowly but is a very good indicator.

 

 Many people have the idea that stability is feeling good again, when in fact it's feeling the same level of blah day after day with no big swings to the better or bad. When a person does a drop in dose there will be a corresponding increase in WD symptoms over the next few days.  These symptoms will resolve themselves over the following several weeks and return the person to a slightly raised baseline of discomfort. 

 

 

Thanks @Gridley that really helps. It helps me realise that my WD 'normal' is actually okay, I'm not struggling, I'm functional, getting to work. I feel a bit detached, but not in a 'derealisation' way, just not very involved. I seem to want time alone. Sleep is patchy in WD normal.  Spent some time watching Dr Breggin on youtube, talking about antidep effects on prefrontal lobes...much more aware these days of my emotions feeling 'disconnected'. It's actually nice when they come back. 

 

I didn't quite get this concept for ages, I thought stable was happy, as Brass' article says. 

I've realised now that when I'm feeling happiness, it's a window....oh those sweet windows.I think I can keep better notes now, bearing that in mind...gonna note when the windows happen, as well as the dips.

[sunnysideup69]

Eleven days now of being at WD normal....even though it's blah, I'll take it, I'm functional with small windows of happiness. A good few months of this with no big swings and I'd be happy to taper. I'm thinking to see if I can tolerate two fish oil capsules as of tomorrow. Still haven't re-added the magnesium supplement, I think I might just stick to the occasional Epsom salts bath. 

 

Notes for Thursday 21st November 2019

4am woke, couldn't return to sleep

Up at 5am, bit of a patchy sleep 

6am anx about 3, breakfast, 1200mg fish oil

630 slight body jerks, some nausea, WAY too much fibre yesterday, lower colon uncomfy

630 meditation

7am Venlafaxine 75mg XR

800 anxiety now dissipates

Leave for work, no notes during day, it's so busy and I'm really distracted and don't register mood or discomfort. Half day today.

1400 return home

Afternoon, on return from work, feel despondent/flat/fed up for an hour, about 2, but it goes away

1600 feeling better and evening am at bassline

Dozy on sofa after supper

2200 bed

 

Notes for Friday 22nd November 2019

Woke several times in the night, pretty unrefreshed this morning

5am get up, warm bath

6am anx about 1, breakfast, 1200mg fish oil

630 meditation

7am Venlafaxine 75mg XR

800 anxiety now dissipates

Leave for work, no notes during day, again it's so busy and I'm really distracted

1800 return home, supposed to go out this eve but am just so tired, really feel my brain needs some silence after a day of kids

Today was nice because I felt more like my 'normal' teaching self with kids, was able to laugh and have a bit of fun with them as well as teach. End of the day, two seven year olds said, 'we love you Miss M......., you're the best ❤️ .' Glad I still seem okay, even though feeling a bit robotic.

 

Also, I want to get a pet again. One of the things that cut through that feeling of 'blah' when I first started antideps years ago was having a cat. Also therapy. Might be exploring both avenues in the new year.

 

2200 bed

[sunnysideup69]

Dear moderators, am thinking of switching Venlafaxine dose from 7am to 8am, is it okay to just do that in one go?

 

 

[Erell]

Dear Sunny,

 

Moderators often advise To move a dose for not more than 1 hour, so you should be fine. If it stresses you, you can move it by 30minutes for a couple of days, see how it works, and then an other 30minutes

 

I know you would like more happiness, but "not struggling" is very very positive : it means that you are getting stabilised, and this is huge. You  deserve it 😙

 

Give it more time, and maybe those small Windows of happiness Will get longer You're are on the right path .

 

Big hugs 🤗

[sunnysideup69]

10 minutes ago, Erell said:

 

I know you would like more happiness, but "not struggling" is very very positive : it means that you are getting stabilised, and this is huge. You  deserve it 😙

 

Give it more time, and maybe those small Windows of happiness Will get longer You're are on the right path .

 

 

Thanks my lovely xx For sure, I'm grateful for the stability. Back in May, this seemed an impossibility, I was so 'all over the place.' I'm not very good at doing baby steps, as you an see from my drug signature.....so that's the learning curve for me. A little bit at a time. I've had some windows of being the chirpy pre-drug me and it's wonderful when it happens.

 

For now, I'm just thankful that I can get up and go to work and communicate with people. And do my job well. These are big things in WD.

 

Gonna drop by your thread soon, just prepping to go out for a rainy run xxxxx

[Giulietta]

6 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

For now, I'm just thankful that I can get up and go to work and communicate with people. And do my job well. These are big things in WD.

 

 

That's the right attitude. Baby steps are hard - but our experiences have shown that it pays off.

 

Enjoy the sunny rain.

[sunnysideup69]

Didn't make running yesterday, just too tired. I feel like I'm going at a much slower pace than the rest of the world these days. I watch friends having an active social life and cramming lots of 'stuff' into their days and I feel like a hibernating bear. I just don't wanna go out and do lots of stuff in the evening because then I can't sleep, I'm too stimulated.

The evenings are for maybe a yoga class or some quiet relaxation for me. My social life has changed to seeing friends in the daytime, where possible, or early evening. 

I don't drink alcohol any more, and I think I might have stopped for good. I've had 12 days now of WD 'normal', with some windows in there. I've caught myself laughing a few times at silly stuff, and my heart has been touched, so the feelings are still in here, just a bit buried. Some odd neuroemotions in the mornings eg woke up this morning stressing about 'I'm not going out enough!' Bizarre. I do feel that I need to start reaching out tentatively for the things that I know I enjoy. 5 rhythms. Maybe go back to a drumming circle now and again.....it's tricky to do these things at the moment because they are in the evenings and both are quite stimulating, I have found sleep really difficult afterwards. I need a creative project and a gentle new adventure, also. 

 

 

Anyway....Notes for Saturday 23rd November 2019

3am awoke, difficulty falling back to sleep

420 fully awake

500 get up

600 breakfast followed by 2400mg fish oil, have increased today by 1200mg low anxiety around 2

700 Venlafaxine XR 75mg

730 bath with two handfuls Epsom salts

900 went food shopping

1100 returned, snacked, mince pies  anxiety has gone and stays away all day

1300 lunch, watching TV/youtube, tired today from work last week

1500 listening to ASMR video on youtube, fell asleep

1700 woke up, felt refreshed after napping

1800 supper, then more watching TV

2100 tv off and read (screen really needs to go off earlier)

2145 bed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Sunday 24th November

 

Woke to use bathroom early hours, got back to sleep but was a bit restless 

520 got up

630 breakfast anxiety and feeling some blues, about 2/3, also random worrying about 'not doing more socially' like intrusive thoughts

7am Venlafaxine 75mg XR

730 2400mg fish oil

10am went for 5k run, back around 1040, feeling better

11am strength exercises

1230 lunch, also mood has lifted, anxiety 0 and remains this way for rest of day

 

After 1230pm a happy window, feel content and alive, peaceful and optimistic for the rest of the day, just enjoying my own company

2130 bed, sleep

 

 

 

 

[Erell]

23 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

After 1230pm a happy window, feel content and alive, peaceful and optimistic for the rest of the day, just enjoying my own company

 See dear sunny ? Those Windows Will get longer and longer with time 😙

You' are only at 3 months in stabilisation process, you are improving so Well! Really happy for you 🤗

[sunnysideup69]

10 minutes ago, Erell said:

 See dear sunny ? Those Windows Will get longer and longer with time 😙

You' are only at 3 months in stabilisation process, you are improving so Well! Really happy for you 🤗

 Yes, lovely you xxx thank you  Have woken with anxiety today, but not bad. Might have done a bit too much exercise yesterday, slight uptick in symptoms... Now just making myself some lunch and relaxing, going doggy walking later. Rest of the day, will rest

[sunnysideup69]

Well WD is a strange beast. After lots of happiness yesterday, have had a sad day today, feeling a bit tearful. So, walked friend's adorable doggy, and now resting quietly, treating self gently. 

Think I kind of triggered it by making a facebook album of 'happy memories' from 2017. 2017 was the last time I felt really like 'myself.' I was cutting back the Citalopram, had dropped to 2.5mg (way too fast) and was getting some of myself back, feeling better and motivated and thought that before long I would be off. I planned to drop to 1.25mg and then stop the Citalopram....ouuuuuch.

It was MDMA that caused the anxiety relapse, so I thought, in 2018, but now with hindsight I just think it was 'the straw that broke the camel's back' as they say. I think the withdrawal was gonna catch up with me anyway and I just hurried it up. PLUS 2017 was a TERRIBLE time to taper as I changed address 5 times, my dad had a really bad accident, it was so stressful. Plus I went into menopause. I don't know why I thought it was a good time to taper at all....was just in a hurry to be off meds. No wonder the crash happened.

Just needed to say this somewhere, really. Am feeling a bit better now I've walked doggy, put the cosy lights on and am watching Netflix. Thank god for Netflix!

[Erell]

1 hour ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Well WD is a strange beast. After lots of happiness yesterday, have had a sad day today, feeling a bit tearful. 

 

Sunny, I utterly understand these ups and downs. And I also tell myself that "normal" people Feel these ups and downs. Nobody Feel happiness everyday, nobody is happy or peaceful with his life everyday. Feeling normal also means feeling these ups and downs. 

Even if our state is related To WD,  I think that part of healing is also To learn Again To deal with ups and downs of life.

And, because of WD, you now have wonderful tools To deal with it : mindfullness, yoga, being gentle To yourself...

 

And yes, thank you Netflix  😘

[Giulietta]

2 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

After lots of happiness yesterday, have had a sad day today, feeling a bit tearful.

 

Hello Sweetie (if OK to say) 

 

I am SO sorry you are feeling sad. If you read my post you will see I am in a similar wave. I am glad you have the enrgy to watch Netflix and hope you are watching somethign that is distractig and lifts your spirits! A good cry can be cathartic.

 

I think ups and downs are normal in people - but we sensitive ones - have lower dips. It is harder for us to lift ourselves up. Do you agree? @sunnysideup69 and @Erell and (anyone else)?

 

Hugs,

Giuilietta

who also feels in the dumps.... 

 

p.s. waht are you watching on netflix I used to love watching father brown.

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

11 hours ago, Erell said:

 

Sunny, I utterly understand these ups and downs. And I also tell myself that "normal" people Feel these ups and downs. Nobody Feel happiness everyday, nobody is happy or peaceful with his life everyday. Feeling normal also means feeling these ups and downs. 

Even if our state is related To WD,  I think that part of healing is also To learn Again To deal with ups and downs of life.

And, because of WD, you now have wonderful tools To deal with it : mindfullness, yoga, being gentle To yourself...

 

And yes, thank you Netflix  😘

 

Yes, they do. Ups and downs are normal, I guess we just feel them a bit more at the moment, in our sensitised state. I feel like somewhere along the line, I didn't learn to deal effectively with stress, I mean, right from the very beginning, years ago. When I was a child, I hid it, because my parents were already stressed.As an adult, I used alcohol/drugs to mitigate it, firstly recreational drugs, then prescription drugs.

It is like learning for the first time. For that reason, I am strangely grateful for the opportunity to practise. I wish it didn't have to be in these circumstances, but it is.

[sunnysideup69]

11 hours ago, Guilietta said:

 

Hello Sweetie (if OK to say) 

 

I am SO sorry you are feeling sad. If you read my post you will see I am in a similar wave. I am glad you have the enrgy to watch Netflix and hope you are watching somethign that is distractig and lifts your spirits! A good cry can be cathartic.

 

I think ups and downs are normal in people - but we sensitive ones - have lower dips. It is harder for us to lift ourselves up. Do you agree? @sunnysideup69 and @Erell and (anyone else)?

 

Hugs,

Giuilietta

who also feels in the dumps.... 

 

p.s. waht are you watching on netflix I used to love watching father brown.

 

 

 

Hello, yes sweetie is fine  

Well, in the end I watched a documentary about Bikram (the yoga guy) abusing his yoga clients, so it wasn't a great choice  Dogwalking cheered me up though, Bailey is always happy to see me and she is such a sweet dog.

I did have a cry in the end, prompted by news about my bro. He is out of hospital and being moved to a care home in Surrey- for good. It's quite a relief, but also sad, because he can't really look after himself after the stroke. Second round of radiotherapy seems to have been successful, though.

Have to say, am glad he'll be looked after. Would have been a worry if he's just been discharged back out to his own place.

Life, eh? There's always some drama going on somewhere. Learning to look after myself first in the middle of it all. Perhaps that sounds selfish, I don't know...I love to do things for other people, but have realised I can't do that when I'm an 'empty well.'

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Monday 25th November

(Did both strength AND endurance exercises yesterday, wondering if that triggered today's flatness, perhaps I overdid it? Won't do that again.)

 

Decent sleep, woke briefly then back to sleep. The next time I woke fully, I checked the clock and it was 515am

 

515 got up

630 breakfast, anxiety around 2/3 this morning, random worrying about family deaths, body is twitchy/jerky

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR

730 fish oil 2400mg

900 anxiety still about 3, mildly tearful, free floating worry

1030 to 1230 some relief in anxiety after a walk, but stomach pain and dyspepsia

1400 dogwalking, feeling flat and sad

Whole day, feeling of sadness around 3

1800 mood lifts and is better for the evening

2100 go to bed, sleep straight away

 

Got news today that brother has been found a place in a care home in Surrey. Left me feeling relieved and also some sadness, had a bit of a cry. It's great that he has somewhere, but sad that he had a stroke/tumour.  

[Erell]

Hi dear Sunny !

 

After several days on WD normal, it could be that you are in a mini-wave, perfectly normal in the stabilisation process. 

As you said, the news about your brother could be part of the story.

 

You had 10days on WD normal and it means you are very very close To be fully stabilised 😚 And you Will get there

 

Big hugs dear!

 

[sunnysideup69]

1 minute ago, Erell said:

Hi dear Sunny !

 

After several days on WD normal, it could be that you are in a mini-wave, perfectly normal in the stabilisation process. 

As you said, the news about your brother could be part of the story.

 

You had 10days on WD normal and it means you are very very close To be fully stabilised 😚 And you Will get there

 

Big hugs dear!

 

Good morning my lovely...funny you just posted that, I was just counting and it was THIRTEEN! Wow...amazing. And yes you're right, I do feel this is a mini wave again BUT it doesn't seem to feel as severe. It's just...uncomfortable. I feel flat/peed off rather than despairing. So yes, an improvement. And hopefully a raised baseline after.

Thank you for all your reminders, you and @Guilietta are absolute gems 😘

[sunnysideup69]

Nature of waves, currently

And typically, in this mini wave, as in waves generally, I notice that my guts feel really 'off'/ am a bit belchy/ have some nausea. This typically occurs in a wave, for me. My appetite goes, don't feel like eating.

Something else I just realised is that my sleep is often a bit BETTER, in a wave. Strange? I seem to get a good 7 hours sleep, might wake but fall asleep again fast. But I also seem to be dreaming more.

Usual thoughts about 'never getting better' also abound in a wave. Plus, my legs feel very wobbly, I'm a bit like Bambi....jelly legs.

Preoccupied with mental state, constantly monitoring how I am feeling. Wanting to withdraw from life.

Nature of WD normal

Typically, some morning anxiety, but usually only around 1/2/3 at most. It dissipates during the day. 

Sleep tends to be a bit wakeful, usually get about 6 to 7 hours but broken sleep.

Tend to be very dozy in evenings during WD normal. Sleep cycle goes a bit haywire.

Some dizziness before taking Venlafaxine in the morning. 

Mood remains okay, bit blank, not up not down. Just 'whatever'. But not anhedonia, as I do enjoy things intermittently. Not really preoccupied with mental state, only in the morning.

 

Nature of windows

Feel content, peaceful, my mind is free and not preoccupied with my mental state, optimistic and making plans for future. Feel generous and able to give freely. 

 

*An insight just now; the whole of life, even when not on psych drugs, is pretty much normality interspersed with windows and waves. It's just that we experience it with more extremes because we are dysregulated.

All of this is normal, and if we can cope with the drug induced ups and downs, then it really does strengthen us, prepare us for the everyday stuff. I'm certainly learning that most stuff isn't worth stressing over.

 

[sunnysideup69]

1 hour ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Nature of waves, currently

And typically, in this mini wave, as in waves generally, I notice that my guts feel really 'off'/ am a bit belchy/ have some nausea. This typically occurs in a wave, for me. My appetite goes, don't feel like eating.

Something else I just realised is that my sleep is often a bit BETTER, in a wave. Strange? I seem to get a good 7 hours sleep, might wake but fall asleep again fast. But I also seem to be dreaming more.

Usual thoughts about 'never getting better' also abound in a wave. Plus, my legs feel very wobbly, I'm a bit like Bambi....jelly legs.

Preoccupied with mental state, constantly monitoring how I am feeling. Wanting to withdraw from life.

Nature of WD normal

Typically, some morning anxiety, but usually only around 1/2/3 at most. It dissipates during the day. 

Sleep tends to be a bit wakeful, usually get about 6 to 7 hours but broken sleep.

Tend to be very dozy in evenings during WD normal. Sleep cycle goes a bit haywire.

Some dizziness before taking Venlafaxine in the morning. 

Mood remains okay, bit blank, not up not down. Just 'whatever'. But not anhedonia, as I do enjoy things intermittently. Not really preoccupied with mental state, only in the morning.

 

Nature of windows

Feel content, peaceful, my mind is free and not preoccupied with my mental state, optimistic and making plans for future. Feel generous and able to give freely. 

 

*An insight just now; the whole of life, even when not on psych drugs, is pretty much normality interspersed with windows and waves. It's just that we experience it with more extremes because we are dysregulated.

All of this is normal, and if we can cope with the drug induced ups and downs, then it really does strengthen us, prepare us for the everyday stuff. I'm certainly learning that most stuff isn't worth stressing over.

 

And I forgot to add, in a wave there is also temperature dysregulation. Yesterday I was overheating. Today, too many chills. Also, going to the bathroom, in both ways, too often.

 

[sunnysideup69]

I've got a question @Gridley or anyone really.

 

WD 'normal' is different to a window, isn't it? Wd normal is just a kind of steady state of not feeling anything in particular, just a steady state of okay.

Whereas a window is more like 'feeling your old self/ normal/ happy/ peaceful/ content'.

 

I get windows during my 'WD normal' periods where I feel good for an afternoon or an evening.

I also get them during waves, where there might be an evening of relief, say.

[Gridley]

1 minute ago, sunnysideup69 said:

 

WD 'normal' is different to a window, isn't it? Wd normal is just a kind of steady state of not feeling anything in particular, just a steady state of okay.

Whereas a window is more like 'feeling your old self/ normal/ happy/ peaceful/ content'.

 

 

You have it exactly right.  Except that I would add that WDnormal isn't feeling good, just a steady state of blah.

[sunnysideup69]

3 minutes ago, Gridley said:

 

You have it exactly right.  Except that I would add that WDnormal isn't feeling good, just a steady state of blah.

Wow, that was quick! Sure , I get you, I guess what I'm saying is that I can sometimes get a window of relief from 'WD normal', where I feel good, but the next day it's back to WD normal again.

Thank you  Could be tempting fate here, but my waves/downs don't seem to be so crushing.

[Gridley]

36 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

my waves/downs don't seem to be so crushing.

That's great news, sunnysideup!

[Giulietta]

Hello darlin' @sunnysideup69 as southerners in the USA use fondly -

 

I am both sorry and relieved about your brother. It is good to know that he will be cared for by people who specialize in the care of people like your dear brother - and also sad that he will not be able to take care of himself. 

 

There is a robust conversation about the windows and waves you are experiencing now with you, @Erell and @Gridley. I will read it later. The consensus is that you are moving forward even though  now is a bit of struggle.

 

How blah is blah is blah ? How long does it last?

 

Hugs to you - that you are feeling up soon

 

Giulietta  🤗