sunnysideup69: what can I do to stabilise on venlafaxine

[sunnysideup69]

43 minutes ago, Guilietta said:

 

Really glad to see this, Sweetie, and that you are feeling positive with the reduction in wobblies, tense arms, anxiety and palpitations and intrusive thoughts around parents. These are huge accomplishments.

 

That you are also looking to transitioning to anther tapering formula for your brand of  is also encouraging!

 

I hope you have a great day. I wonder if you are working this week.

 

Hugs,

G.

 

 

Hello @Guilietta, thanks my lovely,

This is the third day of feeling ok, had a decent weekend, looking forward to a quiet Christmas of relaxing. I think I'm gonna eat and rest to the max. Will be really lovely to see Coconut the cat again. It's getting dark here, 430 pm and I'm thinking about wandering out to local carol service type thing. Not sure yet though because it's outside, and I think I'm too cold to hang around outside for any length of time, plus it's sposed to start raining....bah. Humbug. I might instead make soup and cosy up inside. Or make an omelette and eat with some veggies.

This week, I only work a day and a half, all of Wednesday and half of Thursday because school shuts early for the hol.

Hope your day has started well xxx

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Monday 16th December 2019 Also a pretty good day ❤️ 

 

Wake around 5am, a little before, am getting about 6.5/ 7 hours which is decent

520 get up, no anxiety, feeling calm

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR

730 breakfast

830 1200mg fish oil

Warm bath, some irritable thoughts, very minor

 

900 brief random wave of anxiety/dep, very minor, 1 / 2, disappears again

 

1100  back from shopping, brief peak of anxiety in Post Office queue when I was out, only about 1 or 2, I later remember that the last time I was in that PO was about 6 weeks ago and I had REALLY high anxiety that day, maybe the place triggered that memory for me.

 

1215 lunch, anxiety is now 0** and remains that way all day ❤️  

Just getting on with work this afternoon

1800 supper

2100 meditation, fall asleep accidentally, then bed around 2130

 

**for anxiety to score 0, it means that I am not checking in on myself to see how I feel, I am engaged in life and thinking about other things

 

My rash has flared up again under my left eye and on top of right eyelid, it's bumpy and itchy. I'm using E45 on it. However, I'm wondering if it might be a sudden food intolerance, so might experiment with some elimination. I've been eating a LOT of nightshades ( white potatoes) and also lots of cashew nut butter. I'm going to lay off them for a couple of weeks, then reintroduce individually and see what happens.

 

 

 

 

[Carmie]

Hi sunnysideup,

 

Thanks for popping over to my thread. I see from what you’ve written here on your thread you had a pretty good day. I’m glad to hear it. I hope you have many more of those. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

[thelegend]

So great to hear you are having better days, hopefully I can join you soon!

[Tom37]

Enjoy your time feeling better!

 

For the first time in my life I developed a rash a few months after going into wd. It was quite nasty but with cream and time it cleared. May or may not been because of wd so never worried about it but amazing what wd can cause.

[sunnysideup69]

6 hours ago, thelegend said:

So great to hear you are having better days, hopefully I can join you soon!

Thanks you! Yes, just enjoying them whilst I've got them. I'm not sure if my 'WD normal' has improved a bit, or if this is really a window for me...time will tell, but either way, it's good to have a break from high anxiety.

I hope you get longer relief from symptoms soon, it will happen!

7 hours ago, Carmie said:

Hi sunnysideup,

 

Thanks for popping over to my thread. I see from what you’ve written here on your thread you had a pretty good day. I’m glad to hear it. I hope you have many more of those. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

Thanks so much, Carmie, hugs gratefully received. Sending gentle hugs to you also x

[sunnysideup69]

3 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Enjoy your time feeling better!

 

For the first time in my life I developed a rash a few months after going into wd. It was quite nasty but with cream and time it cleared. May or may not been because of wd so never worried about it but amazing what wd can cause.

Thanks Tom, am just making the most of this time, I think my ups and downs are still quite wide, so ......we'll see what happens next. Yeah, I will try some elimination of food but I have a sneaky suspicion the rash is to do with the cessation of Citalopram, not sure why. Nervous systems sure do weird things.

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Tuesday 17th December ❤️ 6th good day ❤️ 

 

215 up to use bathroom, straight back to sleep

500 go up, minor anxiety 2, arms tense

630 breakfast

700Venlafaxine 75mg XR, anxiety still 2

745 warm bath

930 anxiety diminishing

1030 return from run feeling good

1100 from here, no anxiety, start prepping lunch, have energy to hoover flat whilst am cooking

1215 lunch

1400 out to shops, still ok, small wave of sadness which passes quickly 

1630 meditation, then wash kitchen floor

2030 really sleepy after such a busy day, go to bed and fall straight to sleep

 

[Sottana]

Awesome sunnyside! Keep putting together those streaks!!! Before you know it, it’ll be continuous!!!

[Tom37]

Good to hear.....it’s all about getting that anxiety to zero in the mornings....then you will have made it or be very close to it!

 

Hopefully this window stays wide open through Xmas.

[sunnysideup69]

7 hours ago, Adili13 said:

Awesome sunnyside! Keep putting together those streaks!!! Before you know it, it’ll be continuous!!!

Thanks you Adili, had another good day yesterday, feeling encouraged!

5 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Good to hear.....it’s all about getting that anxiety to zero in the mornings....then you will have made it or be very close to it!

 

Hopefully this window stays wide open through Xmas.

 Thanks Tom! Yes, the morning anxiety s usually the predictor of what kind of day for me.....

 

Gonna drop over to your threads and see how you're doing

[sunnysideup69]

Notes  for Wednesday 18th December;  made an error yesterday; ❤️ Wednesday is 5th good day in a row, feel like baseline has improved a bit ❤️ 

 

415 am awake because slept too early

500 up

600 minor anxiety, 2, bodily in arms and also feeling 'nervous'

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR, 1200mg fish oil, anxiety still around 2

745 arrive at work, anxiety 0, stays that way all day, also no depression

1215 lunch

1630 home

1800 supper

1900 meditation, fell asleep during, must not do in evening

2230 woke on sofa, took self to bed, still fell asleep straight away

 

** no anxiety/depression at all after 745, forgot about WD etc. **

 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Notes  for Thursday 19th December;   ❤️ Thursday is 6th good day in a row, feel like baseline has improved a bit ❤️ 

 

415 am awake because slept too early

500 up

 

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR, 1200mg fish oil

745 arrive at work, anxiety 0, stays that way all day, also no depression

1215 lunch

1530 home, early closing of school for hols

1800 supper

2000 meditation, fell asleep during, must not do in evening

0115 woke on sofa, took self to bed, still fell asleep straight away

 

** no anxiety/depression at all after 745, forgot about WD etc. **

 

I've eaten a lot of sugar over the last two days, sugary Christmas treats at work. Gonna knock that on the head again now. January 1st is my official 'one year without refined sugar' begin-date. 

 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

On 12/20/2019 at 5:53 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

Notes  for Friday 20th December;   ❤️ Friday is 7th good day in a row, feel like baseline has improved a bit ❤️ 

 

400 awake and a bit restless

500 up

600 up, breakfast, more anxiety this morning, had lots of sugar yesterday at work.... Anx is 3

 

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR, 1200mg fish oil

730 warm bath, spend morning packing for catsitting, anxiety is 0

Morning meditation 20 mins

1215 lunch

1430 leave for N London catsit, anxiety slightly raises to 2 before I leave, within an hour it is gone again. 

1800 supper, last of school chocolate present, will now leave sugar alone till Xmas pudding

2000 really sleepy whilst watching TV but stay awake

2100 prep for bed, probably in bed by 915 pm

 

 

 

I've eaten more sugar than usual over the last two days, sugary Christmas treats at work. Gonna knock that on the head again now.  December 25th is the exception. January 1st is my official 'one year without refined sugar' begin-date. 

 

 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Something else I've realised this morning about catsitting; the change of location is taking me outside of my comfort zone, geographically. 

For the last year and a half I have pretty much only existed around NW London, my flat and workplace.

Actually, that's true since about November 2017 and moving back to that area, so I've had two years of being pretty focused around a small section of London. 

In many ways, it was necessary. Not only did I do a too fast taper in 2017, I also changed address five times and also was drinking quite regularly (not a lot but frequently, which is also not really my style) and engaged in recreational drug use. I was also officially at menopause.

(Wow. Looking back at that now, I think to myself, why?? Just stop already! Hadn't even used 'recreational' drugs since my late thirties and I was 50 this year, so I don't really know what that was about. A final bit of 'teenage rebellion?' We joke about guys having a midlife crisis and getting a sports car and a younger woman..... Well, maybe I was doing the hormonally driven equivalent. But I digress.....) 

So.... I have probably needed the stability of being rooted to the spot, and in some strange way, even though it has been hellish, WD has forced me to do that. Hidden blessings. 

 

I'm coming out the other side slowly. By accepting this catsitting job over the hols, I'm in a different area for a couple of weeks and I'll have a different running route, different shops to go to, a different view and a cat for company. There's also a nature reserve to walk around once a day. Pretty sure this is all good for neuroplasticity, doing some different things possibly creates different neural pathways? 

 

Have woken up a bit shakier today which is probably down to too much sugar in the last few school days, but might also be a response to the change of environment and even just having to find my way around a different living space. I don't automatically know where things are/how things here work and so it's all a bit of a challenge. Must remember that, if I wobble over the next few days. 

 

 

I'm only 50, but this really drives home to me how important it is to keep stretching ourselves into old age. It keeps your brain active and creating new links! I'm pretty sure this is good for staying young at heart and healing. 

 

I think this year, 2019, has changed my life. I feel as if the horrors of WD have actually saved it. I've had to finally practice self care like never before, and make boundaries with certain family members. God willing, I'll make a good recovery and be able to taper off these drugs in due course and will be committed to living a life of kindness towards my body. Praying for us all ❤️

 

[Benzhelp]

Hi Sunnysideup,

 

I’m so sorry to hear of the suffering you are going through, wishing you speedy healing and recovery.

It makes sense to be in one place and not being away too much from home/work during w/d. 

Glad you are doing different, challenging things, that is definitely very healthy and truly does help neuroplasticity as you say. Moving or travelling when not used to it can be stressful even ungrounding for sure so hope you comfily settle in  your new routine soon. Please take extra care of yourself as much as needed.

 

There are many helpful books and resources out there nowadays to support people in menopause. Wishing you many blessings and all things good to come your way in the wonderful years ahead.

Being on these drugs, tapering, dealing with w/d can all be tough, so please be gentle and treat yourself kindly. This whole process gets easier the more we love and care for ourselves.

Best of luck on your Tapering Journey.

 

Sorry you have suffered so much this year with w/d, hope things change for the better for you and be much easier soon. Love your positive attitude, seeing a balanced version of w/d even if it can be a rough journey most times. Sunnysideup, you are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Loving prayers to you as well <3

 

Healing, Love and Blessings <3 <3 <3

 

[sunnysideup69]

@Benzhelp, thank you so much for your kind comments 💕

Just relaxing in my new temp home today, full of cold. Gonna take the day to rest and relax. Feeling a bit worse than I have been, mood is a bit wobbly, but not too terrible. Sore throat and headache virus has been going around and I seem to have it. 

Wishing you a very happy Christmas season xxx

[Giulietta]

Hello Sweetie @sunnysideup69

 

Congratulations on the consecutive good days! Enjoy every day that you are feeling well. I am so grateful for each one.

 

17 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

change of location is taking me outside of my comfort zone, geographically. 

 

How have you been with this? From your PM - it looks like you were starting to settle in. It's an important step in recovery if you can expand where you travel. I find I am able to travel into a more populated area - but cannot travel on roads that have long stretches between exits and are more desolate. So good for you for moving outside your comfort zone. It isn't easy.

 

17 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

We joke about guys having a midlife crisis and getting a sports car and a younger woman.....

 

Yes, girls go through a mid-life crisis too (at least many I know!) I traded in my sedan for a more sporty vehicle and I wish sI had done years earlier.

 

2019 - even though it has been horrible - has left you with a positive outcome - that you will take better care of yourself, keep developing your mind, and not be controlled by family.  You are going to recover! 2020 is going to be a better year for us - and the consecutive good days show you are closer to the end of the tunnel.

 

Hugs,

Giuilietta

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Yesterday wasn't great, not sure if WD or actually ill, but as I'm coughing and hoarse it's probably a bit of both. Have woken up calmer this morning. Still, I had a lovely **seven day unremitting window** so am encouraged. Helped me to deal with yesterday afternoon/eve. 

 

Notes for Saturday 21st December, first full day in flatsit

Went to bed between 9 and 930 last night, in a strange bed, so sleep was a bit fitful, getting used to different noises etc. 

4am woke, then dozed on and off, also used bathroom 

5am gave in and got up

630 my sinuses are blocked, have a sore throat and a pounding head

 

Muge and Jonathan keep their flat warmer than mine, so I turn heating down a bit. Coconut is a very fluffy Persian so she won't get cold. 

 

I think I've got the lurgie that was going around school

 

Although I can't rule out high sugar consumption, have indulged in festive food the last few days, and also WD

645 breakfast, making brek in a new kitchen scrambles my brain a bit 

 

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR plus 1100mg fish oil, have a warm shower 

 

800 my mood this morning is definitely more anxious 3/4, seem to have lots of mental chatter about being in a new place/being alone/I will be lonely etc. Strange. Pre WD, this wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest... it's neuroemotion... I dismiss it but it will come back later. 

 

1100 back from shopping, eat some mince pies, (more sugar), anxiety gone

1300 lunch

 

All afternoon, I feel unsettled and a bit anxious/depressed 3, take myself out for a walk but it doesn't abate. I feel lifeless with a sore throat, but some random depressive thoughts are looping; I don't have a family of my own; I am alone; my life has no meaning. In particular the last one is very weird and definitely neuroemotion. It came up a LOT in early WD and sometimes still scares me. I'm ruminating a bit on what I've lost in WD and also having thoughts about never being well enough to enjoy the things I once did. Frustrated at having to be so careful, not have late nights before etc. Feeling a bit disconnected from life. 

 

1600 feeling a bit better, watching tv

1800 onwards, supper, generally not feeling much enthusiasm, feeling flat 2/3, also have body jerks/tics

 

I book my train ticket home to see my parents. And I also book a 5 rhythms weekend next year, in February. Really hope I'm well enough to do it. One of the things I'm missing at the moment because of WD is a Thursday night 5rhythms class. I'd love to go, but it ends at 2145 and means I'm late going to bed and early up for work.... Just can't do that at the moment. It's also very energising, and then I can't sleep well. 

So, I have to find other times to dance eg during the daytime, as is this workshop. It's also a lovely community of people and I miss them. Find myself resenting the things I have to do to be well. 

 

2100 have had enough of today so I take myself off to bed. Wasn't a great day, partly WD, partly illness. It's also the holiday and I tend to unravel a bit initially, especially in WD... I need to rest and be gentle. 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Was feeling a bit blue as I typed that update and then Coconut came into the room, plopped herself onto the bed next to me and started 'making biscuits' with her little paws and purring. Now have a snoozing cat at my feet. The healing power of animals. Cannot underestimate ❤️ I think, next year, I'm going to get a kitten and I would LOVE a Persian. They make great apartment cats. I'm not really supposed to have one, stuffy housing association rules, but loads of people here have them. Better save up..... 

[sunnysideup69]

Sunday December 22nd 2019 Second day of catsit. Not a great day but not terrible. 

 

Awake from about 430 am, dozed a bit, got up at 5am

5am anxiety about 2/3, some palpitations but feel a bit better than I did last night before bed

630 make breakfast, return to bed, Coconut joins me 

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR plus 1100mg Citalopram

Weird anxiety about how to fill the day. I'm a bit lost without a routine and not in own home.

1000 feeling a bit brighter

1100 return from running, feeling a bit more lifted, but still have anxious thoughts in the background, anxiety still about 2/3

1300 lunch

1430 anxiety /dep still around 2

1530 had hot bath, mood still flat

1600 mood gradually improves, now just relax g in front of tv

2000 fall asleep in front of His Dark Materials, wake around 2030 feeling anxiety again, 2

2130 go to bed, Coconut joins me

[sunnysideup69]

Feeling a bit crappy this morning. Anxiety is quite high. Think I might have overdone the exercise yesterday, on top of cold. 

Been reading through withdrawal normal stuff again, thanks @brassmonkey for that thread, helps me to see there has been progress.

I'm having ups and downs still, but am generally doing a bit better than I was in July/August, had to take time out of work back then. Feeling a bit sore that I set myself back a bit by updosing cit then switching to ven, but I guess it's all a learning experience. I'm back at work and coping, although stress tolerance is still low. 

I'm sure next year will bring further healing if I can hold steady. Who knows, maybe I will even be able to taper.... but that will definitely have to wait a good while yet. 

[sunnysideup69]

On 12/15/2019 at 6:34 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

Notes for Saturday 14th December 2019 What a fantastic day  Feel almost totally like my 'old' self for most of the day ❤️ 

 

 

around 1100 ❤️❤️ a window opens and I remain calm, peaceful, totally normal for the rest of the day, anx/dep 0 ❤️❤️

Reminding myself of this today, cos anxiety is about 5, having a wavey day. Weekend was so so. 

Reminding myself this is all healing. 

Weirdly, I feel a bit lost because I am out of my usual routine of work and rest days. Work can really help lift me... 

November was more stable than this month has been. December has definitely been about windows and waves so far. Either feeling good or feeling bad. Not too many in between days. I'm actually longing for some blah. 14th December was 4 months into Venlafaxine. 

Today I just want to curl up on the sofa and stay there.

[Gridley]

3 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Today I just want to curl up on the sofa and stay there.

Sorry you're feeling bad today, Sunnysideup69.  I hope you feel better soon.  Good idea to post your 12/15 window post as a reminder.

[sunnysideup69]

31 minutes ago, Gridley said:

Sorry you're feeling bad today, Sunnysideup69.  I hope you feel better soon.  Good idea to post your 12/15 window post as a reminder.

Thanks @Gridley, very kind of you. Feeling a bit better this eve. I curled up on the bed and Coco the cat has been with me all afternoon. Animals are such a healing force. 😊

[Tom37]

Hope you feel better soon. Probably doesn’t help that your out of your little comfort zone that is your home. Doesn’t take much to unsettle us or could just be a standard wave. We have a cat and having her around when not well always helps even just a little.

[Giulietta]

Hello Sweetie,

 

Sorry you've had a less than happy day. The lurgie's drain on our body's immune system makes it harder to cope with WD - plus as @Tom37 indicates - you're in a new environment and that is a stressor all by itself. It sounds like Coconut is a great support for you not to mention comfy to be next to.

 

Even if a Persian is not in your budget next year - there are a lot of lovely kitties who need a loving mother like you.  Just a thought.

 

9 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I feel a bit lost because I am out of my usual routine of work and rest days. Work can really help lift me... 

November was more stable than this month has been

 

Adjusting to a new routine (or situation) is stressful. I need a regular schedule or I am also lost and I feel out of control - I like the word flounder.  It causes me a bit anxiety (or increases it!).  Having structure I find to be important - and work is part of that structure.  While you are on vacation - can you set down a schedule for yourself - to help you adjust? It could be a framework to give you some control.  Maybe set 1 or 2 goals a day?

 

January will be better. December was a crummy month here too. And next year we will continue to heal.

 

I hope your lurgie goes away soon.

 

Hugs,

Giuilietta

[sunnysideup69]

11 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Hope you feel better soon. Probably doesn’t help that your out of your little comfort zone that is your home. Doesn’t take much to unsettle us or could just be a standard wave. We have a cat and having her around when not well always helps even just a little.

Totally.... Being away from home may even have been a bit of a trigger. Also dealing with a cold, bah. I continually underestimate the effect of these small things on my system. I'm a bit more settled this morning, although still not quite right. 

I need to get a cat. Wanted to ask you, Tom, sorry if this is a bit random. Do you still drink tea/ coffee, I still drink caffeinated tea (ha! typical Brit) but thinking maybe I should stop. Usually drink two mugs in the morning. 

[sunnysideup69]

7 hours ago, Guilietta said:

Hello Sweetie,

 

Sorry you've had a less than happy day. The lurgie's drain on our body's immune system makes it harder to cope with WD - plus as @Tom37 indicates - you're in a new environment and that is a stressor all by itself. It sounds like Coconut is a great support for you not to mention comfy to be next to.

 

Even if a Persian is not in your budget next year - there are a lot of lovely kitties who need a loving mother like you.  Just a thought.

 

 

Adjusting to a new routine (or situation) is stressful. I need a regular schedule or I am also lost and I feel out of control - I like the word flounder.  It causes me a bit anxiety (or increases it!).  Having structure I find to be important - and work is part of that structure.  While you are on vacation - can you set down a schedule for yourself - to help you adjust? It could be a framework to give you some control.  Maybe set 1 or 2 goals a day?

 

January will be better. December was a crummy month here too. And next year we will continue to heal.

 

I hope your lurgie goes away soon.

 

Hugs,

Giuilietta

Thanks @Guilietta, as I said to Tom, I think I underestimate the impact of things that were once no big deal on my current nervous system. Structure is REALLY important for me. I was totally floundering on Sunday, wondering what to do with myself. I think that was probably a trigger for the Monday anxiety. My flat has become such an important space for me, my little healing cave. 

 

I am going to set a couple of goals for myself each day, that's a great idea. It's easy to just chill at home, but here it's more difficult as I'm in an unfamiliar space. Although to be honest, I spend a lot of time at home on the Internet anyway, which I can do here. 

 

Persians are really expensive, it's true, but am gonna do my best to save up. I have my heart set on one, mostly because kitty would have to be an apartment cat. Realistically, not sure next year will afford it. You never know, maybe I will change my mind and look at rescue cats... My last cat, Maddie, was a rescue. 

 

Anyway, wishing you a good day. I'm up now, eating breakfast, contemplating running a bath and taking meds. A friend is coming for tea later this afternoon. Hope you have a good day, whatever you are doing xxx

[Tom37]

Glad your feeling more comfortable today. I haven’t had any caffeine since this all started so unsure if it would have an effect on me but I didn’t want to risk it and haven’t missed it. Wasn’t a tea drinker but had the odd coke and if I had that in the evening before wd it would effect my sleep  so must be sensitive to it. Forget about a red bull as would be up all night.

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Monday 23rd December 2019....bit of a crap day, high anxiety, 3 days into catsitting

Want to say this first, before the notes. Mostly because I need to remind myself. Been reading other members queries about how to tell the difference between a relapse and WD. This is how I know my symptoms are  WD... they come and go in waves. Some weeks I am OK. Some weeks I am feeling quite good, with pretty much no symptoms. Some weeks I feel bad. This can also happen within a day. This was never the case in my original 'anxiety/depression', that followed the same pattern day in day out of feeling awful in the morning feeling a bit more normal by the end of the day. Sometimes, WD makes that look like a walk in the park. I'm pretty sure that this is more intense. Anyway, here goes..... 

 

Fitful sleep, restless, vivid dreams

500 get up, anxiety already about 3, stomach churny, restless mind, distract by reading on SA and writing

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR plus fish oil, eat breakfast, anxiety is increasing

800 anxiety about 4/5, feeling a bit lost in my new home

830 distract self by playing with Coconut

1030 arrive home from shopping, felt really anxious whilst out, anxiety about 4

Clean Coconut's eyes, she is a Persian and has brown tears which stain her fur. Give her a brush. 

1200 make and eat lunch, anxiety still around 4, I have a bit of a cry out of sheer frustration. My stay here isn't quite matching the fantasy of bliss and relaxation. Not in WD, anyway. I'm away from everything familiar, and that is a bit of a stressor. Will just have to wait to settle again. 

1400 body scan meditation, retreat to bedroom to do it and lie on bed, Coconut joins me. Anxiety gradually begins to reduce. 

 

1600 I stay cocooned in bedroom for the rest of the day. Me and Coco. I am whatsapping friends and resting, sometimes watching YouTube. Generally just in survival mode. Gradually I begin to relax and curl up with the cat. We snooze a bit together, I eat and sleep a bit. Then sleep quite a lot. Her purring sends me off. Before I know it, it's 2230. 

 

2230 I put myself to bed properly. 

 

Bit of a crap day but I survived it. Frustrating to be struggling again so soon after a good week last week, but I'm sure having a cold and changing location have both had an impact on my nervous system. 

 

 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Still not feeling great today, having an anxiety spike it seems, built slowly over the weekend and reached a peak yesterday. Yesterday evening was better. Anxiety still quite high today, on and off. Hopefully it will dissipate as the day progresses, like it usually does.

I gave up on most of yesterday. Have a friend coming over for tea later so that will be a distraction, and I've still managed to tackle the supermarket and buy Coconut a Christmas present, so still functioning. Hope you're all doing okay, survivors. Happy Xmas eve, if you celebrate. 

 

PS is there a reason for taking vitamin E, I notice some people do?

[MissyE]

Hi Sunny, sorry to see anxiety has been higher today.  It's a bugger, hard to remember the brain is healing more than the worse we feel.  Good you got out, lucky Coconut getting a present purrrr

Rocky my black she cat is cosying up with us watching beauty and the beast.  She's 15 and just has a good for her age annual vet visit!! 😻

Vitamin E is recommended to help absorb Omega 3.  400IU of the natural version, not synthetic.  More info in the supplements section.  I take it, not sure if it helps me but it certainly doesn't do any harm.

🎅

Love & peace 

Missy 

 

[sunnysideup69]

1 hour ago, MissyE said:

Hi Sunny, sorry to see anxiety has been higher today.  It's a bugger, hard to remember the brain is healing more than the worse we feel.  Good you got out, lucky Coconut getting a present purrrr

Rocky my black she cat is cosying up with us watching beauty and the beast.  She's 15 and just has a good for her age annual vet visit!! 😻

Vitamin E is recommended to help absorb Omega 3.  400IU of the natural version, not synthetic.  More info in the supplements section.  I take it, not sure if it helps me but it certainly doesn't do any harm.

🎅

Love & peace 

Missy 

 

Hello Missy, great thanks, am gonna look into vit E. Hope your day has been a good one. Mine got better after 330, a friend came over for tea and it took my mind off WD. I actually feel alright now. Wishing you a good day tomorrow 😊

[sunnysideup69]

Good morning survivors 😊 and Merry Christmas/ happy holiday season, if you celebrate. 

 

Wanted to say a thank you to you all for sharing your journeys here. And to lots of you for your continued support. I hope I can support you, too, and will continue to do so over the coming year. 

 

How are you all feeling this morning? 

 

I'm feeling so so, have had a few wavey days and been feeling a bit isolated in my catsit, it's not quite how I imagined it would be BUT I'm here and doing it, and that's an achievement. I'm outside of my comfort zone, which has forced me to stretch a little. And having Coconut here is lovely, she is very cute company when I'm feeling low. 

 

Gonna get myself out for a Christmas morning run, later, and get the endorphins going. Was thinking about doing the local Park Run, but maybe feeling a bit too shy. We'll see. 

 

What are you all up to today?? 

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Tuesday 24th December 2019

4am wake up, sleep was a bit broken, but must have been sleeping on and off since around 1800 hours yesterday. Still having some vivid dreams. Can't fall back to sleep, so I do body scan meditation instead. 

 

5am get up, have a really shaky body this morning, tremors and suchlike, anxiety is about 2 already, bothersome thoughts which I know are WD but still unpleasant. 

 

7am Venlafaxine 75mg XR plus 1100mg fish oil

 

9am shaking and tremors have subsided a bit. Need to go to supermarket. 

 

11am return from supermarket, anxiety around 2, still a bit 'mood vigilant' but more interested in the world around me

 

1200 slight anxiety rise, about 3, with agitation. Distract and make lunch. 

1300 eat lunch

 

1500 anxiety still around 2/3

1530 friend arrives for a visit, we drink tea and chat, mostly about her relationship, I feel progressively better as the day goes on

 

Low mood remains around 1/2 for rest of day but I go to bed relatively peacefully. 

Am awoken in the night by a party upstairs. 

 

Have been feeling generally a bit worse since last Saturday, an increase in anxiety/feelings of depression. Seems like I am in a bit of a wave again. Not sure I made the right decision about being in London, alone, over Xmas, but have to just make the best of it now. I'm also finding two weeks of unstructured time quite difficult, putting some goals in for every day, just really simple ones. Last Christmas was relatively OK, although I had a wave directly after. I'm feeling like my decision to updose the Citalopram this year and then to switch frugs was the wrong one. I should have held the Citalopram. This thought is making me feel a bit down, but I also acknowledge there's no point in ruminating over that.