Malon: 14 years of SSRI since youth - last was paroxetine

[Malon]

Hi all,

thank so much for this forum. Here is my introduction.

Since I was 16 years old I was put on Fluoxetin in a clinic, after a crysis and traumatic experiences.
Clinic helped me a lot, but probably not because the medication. I tried to get off it when I was 19 years old because I felt more stable. I made a CT with Fluoxetin.
I started to get panic attacs in certain situation (thought its because I stopped Medication). So I went to the doctor and he gave me Citalopram.
First weeks of this drug were very difficult and horrorfiying. Lots of anxiety even with mild paranoia. After a few weeks I got better. On this Med it was the first time I had to fight with fatique. Moreover I had because of CT of Fluoxeitn or Citalopram agressions and moreover a lot of anxiety that drove me crazy in certain situations. This symptoms was always worst in the morning and earlier hours, especially the fatique.

I moved into a new town to study. I just tried to accept this fatique, thought it was a kind of normal or blamed myself for it (go earlier to bed, get a regulary bed and wake-up time etc.) or thought it was something psychologically. Also had a lot of anxiety. Dont know if it was influenced by medication. Somehow I managed to get a Bachelor degree. I was also prescriped with Opipramol in that period and had a CT from it.

At some point I thought this fatique can not be normal - to be always tired like that. I went to a doctor made a blood test. Doctor said its is psychologically. I went to  a Psychatrist and told him I am always tired and want to try another medications. I asked for Fluoxetin, because I had less fatique on that one. He gave me that and I had a CT with Citalopram and took Fluoxetin. In that time I went abroad to work for a few month. I had terrible fatique and anxiety, shocks and twiches in my head and body when I was drinking coffee with my colleauges while putting the cup to my mouth. It was really uncomfortable. On some days horrible depressions with suiciadal thoughts. I was quieter than I used to be and mostly very depresssed. Somehow i knew it could be connected to Fluoxetin but did not thought of WD of Citalopram.

When I come back to my country after a few months. I told doctor about this fatique and some symptoms and CT from Fluoxetin again and was prescribed with Paroxetin.  I was very depressed, full of anxiety, desperated and fatique and suppossed to find my first full time job. Somehow I managed it and I was getting better. After a year on some point I was really ok. However, the fatique become worse and worse - from year to year. Again a blood test and even a test for sleep apnea in labour showed no result. Again I was told it is psychologically. I thought i could be connected to Paroxetin. One Doctor in sleep labour even agreed. I decided to get off it. I made a lot of research on the Internet, I understand I had to taper it slowly. But since the fatique was probably a side effect I decided to go more quickly and tapered in 6 Months from 10 mg to 0 (since May 2019 0mg). There was specially a lot of fatique (like always) later also more anxiety. First week after 0 mg was very good. Later I become worse and worse. Especially the anxiety.  Sometimes the anxiey, sometimes the fatique is more on the foreground. I just feel like I want to rest and relax more. I have to work which is biggest challenges with this symptoms and also triggers a lot. I also started are Psychotherapy. She believes me that my state is coming from stopping AD and accept my decision not take them anymore.

Fatique and anxiety are by far the most difficult symptoms. Moreover I have:
- Problems with my eyes, especially with light
- Back pain and tensions
- Depressions with suicidal thoughts (think its caused by the other symptoms)
- have to be very carefully with exercises (hobby) and all other activities cause it can trigger symptoms
- weather changes trigger symptoms. Freezing a lot.
- Situation that normally just makes me a bit nervousness, now gives me almost panic attacs

I am taking omega 3 fish oil and sometimes zinc. Dont know if it has an effect.
Tried in the last months these supplements: 5-htp, L-Tryptophan, Ashwagandha, Rhodiola rosea, Magnesium
It could have triggered symptoms, so I stopped all of them. I am going to give Ginseng a chance (I know I have to be careful).

It is incredible hard to get up in the morning and feel so fatique and tired, sometimes it is even hard to breath and every action needs so much energy (e.g. taking shoes on). I am sleeping very well. I just feel like i need much more sleep (I cannot get earlier too bed) and rest at the moment.
In the evening I get better. Sometimes there are very clear and good moments in the evening, which give me hope.
I really hope it gets a bit better in the next 6 months when I am one year off meds.

I am thankful for every tip, hint, similiar experience and hope.

 

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, Malon.

 

Fatigue is a common side effect from SSRI's. Compounding that,  you've gone off several drugs very fast, causing you to be in withdrawal, and fatigue is also a common withdrawal symptom.   The other symptoms you describe, including anxiety, are typical withdrawal symptoms.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Glenmullen’s withdrawal symptom list.

 

When we take medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

You're off all drugs, so that source of fatigue has been eliminated.  The other source is withdrawal, and the fatigue and other symptoms will fade with time.  Unfortunately, we can't tell you how much time.  While some recover fairly quickly, for others it can take longer.

 

What's very important now is stability.  That means not starting a new drug and not looking for a magic solution from supplements.  We don't

recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. Magnesium glycinate is a good form of magnesium.

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Please research all supplements first and only add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.

 

Would taking a nap during the day help?  You're right that exercise can trigger symptoms.  Walking outside, in nature if possible, is a good exercise.

We also recommend non-drug coping skills to deal with withdrawal symptoms.  Look through the techniques in this link and see which you think might be helpful to you.

 

 Non-drug techniques to cope

 

These techniques can help you cope with anxiety.

 

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)
 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes
 

VIDEO:  Peace from Nervous Suffering - Claire Weekes (1 hour) (http://sendvid.com/vgquc1dg)
 

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help …

 

10 minute Restorative Yoga for Relaxation | Up the wall

 

This is your Introduction topic.  It's better to post everything here instead of in other parts of the site.  That way all your information is in one place.

Here in your Introduction topic you can ask questions and connect with other members.  Again, welcome. 

 

 

 

[Marsha]

Hi Malon. Welcome from me too. I noticed a couple of really positve things. You have a psychotherapist who believes you that your symptoms are withdrawal related. That's huge. The other thing I noted is that you are sleeping. Sleep is so good for us. 

[Malon]

3 hours ago, Gridley said:

Welcome to SA, Malon.

 

Fatigue is a common side effect from SSRI's. Compounding that,  you've gone off several drugs very fast, causing you to be in withdrawal, and fatigue is also a common withdrawal symptom.   The other symptoms you describe, including anxiety, are typical withdrawal symptoms.

(...)

When we take medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

You're off all drugs, so that source of fatigue has been eliminated.  The other source is withdrawal, and the fatigue and other symptoms will fade with time.  Unfortunately, we can't tell you how much time.  While some recover fairly quickly, for others it can take longer.

 

What's very important now is stability.  That means not starting a new drug and not looking for a magic solution from supplements.  We don't

recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. Magnesium glycinate is a good form of magnesium.

(...)

 

Hello Gridley,

thanks for the summary, your tips and your confirmation that this fatique comes from the drugs side effects/ WD. I am always worried there is another reason caused this symptom. So some day I can live without this huge fatique.
I am going to check the links for anxiety more deeply at the weekend. I already take Omega 3 fish oil 1,5 g EPA und 0,75g dpa daily. Maybe I will increase the dose a bit. I tried 400 mg Magnesium oxid and noticed a bad effect (pressure on head increased). I am going to give 200 mg magnesium glycinate a  chance. My Vitamin D in blood is low, which is why I am going to take (more) Vitamin D. I know it can be a problem in WD but I could not recognize a trigger from it, yet. I also noticed bad effects on some supplements as well from alcohol. Taking another drug is no option for me. I also think for stability you need a lot of rest and avoid any stress. I know that is not always possible. On the other side if I rest too many days at home/ bed, anxiety get worse. It is a bit complicated
Gracias por tu ayuda (I was in spain)

 

3 hours ago, Marsha said:

Hi Malon. Welcome from me too. I noticed a couple of really positve things. You have a psychotherapist who believes you that your symptoms are withdrawal related. That's huge. The other thing I noted is that you are sleeping. Sleep is so good for us. 

Hi Marsha,

you are right you have to appreciate the postive things. I can imagine that insomnia can be really terrible. The thing is sleep does not give me any recovery, it makes me even more fatique.
I think my therapist believes more its because the effect of the med stopped, I dont hink she has deeper knowlege about the WD issue. She said now without drugs, I have to find myself again. Its ok for me and she accepts that I dont want to take this drugs anymore.

[Malon]

5 hours ago, Gridley said:

Would taking a nap during the day help?  You're right that exercise can trigger symptoms.  Walking outside, in nature if possible, is a good exercise.

We also recommend non-drug coping skills to deal with withdrawal symptoms.  Look through the techniques in this link and see which you think might be helpful to you.

Taking a nap during the day really helps. In the office it is a bit difficult but possible. Walking outside in nature is a good Idea, I used to cycle in summer in the forest from time to time. Now it is cold here (<5 degree) and its seems like I am a bit sensitive to cold. I am thinking about to buy a home trainer.

[Malon]

I have a question to anxiety. Lately I have strong body anxiety symptoms in situations in which I normally just had at the beginning of the situation. But now they are not stopping and they are stronger.
I am wondering why I have this strong symptom, because I know I dont have to be scared. Its more that I am wondering why my body shows this strong symptoms all the time.

Is it normal that WD can increase already existing fears/ anxiety in an abormal way?
I ask myself if I have these anxiety symptoms because I am off the med or if it WD related or if it is a combinations of both. Since I am 14 years on drugs, so I dont know how it really is without a drug or without WD.

However, I do notice some progression on some symptoms, especially emotional. I feel like it goes upwards but very slowly. It is still an up and down (windows and waves). Old symptoms come and go. New symptoms come and go.
Last night I woke at 4 am and had a really strange sensation in my head, like an strong shift in my head from dream to wake up or I dont know how to explain it. It was really scary but I feel like something healed there..
I still wake up with a lot of fatique in the morning. On the other side in some mornings I feel like something healed, difficult to explain. Fatique in the morning is still there but rest of day is usually better on these days. Can anybody relate?

With more Vitamin D I recognize an improvment in mood.  With Magnesium (tried oxid and glycinate form) I get mild adverse and paradoxal effects (anxiety and tensions). I stopped it then. It seems to be an individual thing.
I am going to try Q10 (carefully).

[Gridley]

20 minutes ago, Malon said:

Is it normal that WD can increase already existing fears/ anxiety in an abormal way?

Definitely.  WD can take little worries and fears and blow them up to a huge proportion.  It's important to remember that this is the WD, not you.

 

That's great that things are improving.  Yes, it will be slow.

 

You're wise to stop the magnesium.

[Raindays]

Hello Malon, I am 6 months off antidepressant Effexorxr.  I can really relate to your issues with fatigue.  The exhaustion I struggled with in early withdrawal was almost unbelievable. It was a struggle most days to not want to just lay around the house all day. I had no stamina. I couldn't walk much without becoming very fatigued . That was very disturbing because I always had lots of energy.  My energy has slowly returned I can go for 30 minute walks now and not be negatively affected. I seem to tolerate exercise better at this stage. I also have times were I don't sleep well at night and this can set me back to feeling exhausted through the day.

[Malon]

Hello all,

Thanks for your replies.
I feel some relief in anxiety and fatique in the last months and I feel like I survived the hardest so far. However, I still have these days were I feel extremely fatique. It feels almost like I am going to die soon and I see no obvious reason for this fatique.
I try to accept it somehow and to see good things (improvements etc.). But it so hard to live like this. I am 30 years old but it feels like I am 80. Good that I can work from home these days, although I am very isolated and barely leave home.

Can this severe fatique still be withdrawal even after 11 months off and a 6 month taper of Paroxetin? I dont give up hope that it will get better. I can´t live like this for the rest of my life. I will fight.

[Malon]

Hello,

not sure if I will get an answer this time.
Lately I feel very bad most of the days. I have a lot of depressions, crying spells and suicidal thoughts mainly caused by extreme fatique with severe brain fog. Also I have a lot of back pain. Can back pain be a WD symptom?
Today I am even not able to do the shopping and buy food althought I really have to buy something.
I drank two beer 2 days ago. Could this have been triggered the increased symptomes? Well, I felt like in a wave before drinking beer. I am 11,5 months off now. Could this be something like a 10-12 Month wave? Could this be a sign of further healing afterwards?
I am struggling with myself if this is WD or something else. I guess time will show, I have to survive somehow till then.

Appreciate any answer.


 

[Gridley]

On 4/17/2020 at 2:26 PM, Malon said:

Can this severe fatique still be withdrawal even after 11 months off and a 6 month taper of Paroxetin?

Definitely.  There's no way to predict how long your withdrawal will last, but 11 months is not at all uncommon.  Your six month taper, though it may have seemed slow, was much faster than we recommend.

 

On 4/17/2020 at 2:26 PM, Malon said:

I can´t live like this for the rest of my life.

 

You will heal.  It won't be for the rest of your life.

 

24 minutes ago, Malon said:

I have a lot of depressions, crying spells and suicidal thoughts mainly caused by extreme fatique with severe brain fog. Also I have a lot of back pain. Can back pain be a WD symptom?

All the symptoms you describe, including back pain, are common withdrawal symptoms.

 

25 minutes ago, Malon said:

I drank two beer 2 days ago. Could this have been triggered the increased symptomes?

Yes.

 

25 minutes ago, Malon said:

. Could this be something like a 10-12 Month wave?

A wave around this point is common.

 

[Raindays]

Hello Malon, Please don't despair. I know how bad you feel. I am now 11 months free of antidepressants and benzos after 20+ years use. Congratulations for getting off these drugs. It really isn't easy. I have had so many symptoms in withdrawal. Fatigue and thoughts of not wanting to keep dealing with life as it is now have been have been constant. My fatigue has been so bad it makes it hard to stay off the couch. I have felt quite debilitated because of it . In the beginning I bowed down to these feelings and really gave them a lot of attention and worry. NOT ANY MORE!!! I have to keep pushing HARD to do today what was so easy for me to do even a year ago. It is our body RECOVERING  from years of drug use that is causing these sensations and thoughts. I believe it is to be expected. Our brains just look for something to latch onto as an explanation for why we feel so bad. For me it went from one body part to the next in search of the source of our unease.

I am healing.You are healing. You won't feel like this forever. Go easy on yourself and please don't quit. Find something - anything you enjoy and lose yourself in it. It is OK to take a break from all the worrying from time to time. You have to out stubborn these feelings. It is all going to be OK. Take care.😊

[Malon]

Hi, thanks for your answers, this means a lot to me. It reminds me that there is still hope.

I really have to stay away from Alcohol, I just wanted to feel a bit better for a moment. I should not cry so much because that as well increases the fatique.

@Raindays Have you already got some improvements over the time with your fatique? Did you find anything to help with it, do you try to do things depsite of it? How old were you when you began these meds? You sound like you are strong.

When I feel extreme fatique it is better for me to just stay in bed and "relax", when its moderate fatique it is better to get up despite of it and try to do something.
When I feel extreme fatique and try to fight against it and I get up and move my body a bit for instance, an even stronger fatique hits immediatelly and I have to go to bed again. Playing video games is also extremly exhausting in this condition.
My eye bags are big like never before in my life and I also look a bit exhausted. I hope this is contributed to WD as well. I am still so tired. All of this + being alone makes it hard to go out and anxiety grows if I dont.
I know I will be a bit better when wave flows down and this vivicious cycle breaks.
 

I also believe my brain tries to find a reason, so I can do something against this misery. Because I cant find something, I am despairing. You are right I have to go easy with myself. This is not our fault. It is better to be angry than anxious, depressed and despaired.
 

[Raindays]

Hello Malon, In answer to your question about fatigue. I do feel like I just walk around in a state of fog a lot of the time. I feel like I have a very poor memory now too. I guess fatigue increases these things too. I think I have gotten better at ignoring the feelings of overwhelming  fatigue. I feel like it may be part of a general low mood I am experiencing. I have been seen by a doctor for the exhaustion I feel, but my test have all come back normal. So my rational is if I am physically healthy then the fatigue must be coming from my mind saying "I don't wanna"! I don't know if this is right or wrong because I don't have any answers, just theories. I just know that for me, I have to keep pushing myself and accomplish  my goals for the day. I have tried the other way of just laying around and hoping the feeling of fatigue will go away but it never did. So now I just carry on and do the things I need to because it makes me feel better. It's hard but that's what I do. All the best to you.

[AlaskanGlacier]

Hey Malon,

 

Just letting you know, I'm about 10 months off Prozac after being on SSRIS for about 95% of the last 14 years and I feel very much the same as you do in every way. I'm 32 years old and feel like I'm 90. Get up in the morning and my whole body is in a lot of pain, very weak, fatigued, depressed chemically. I have very little energy through the day and it's extremely depressing. A LOT of chemical depression, up and down with bad anxiety. I have bad post exertion malaise and have for over a decade, as the ssris/benzos really started to damage my health back then and only now have I fully got myself free after many years with psych drugs. Our bodies have been chemically altered for a long time. It takes a long time to undo that damage and get back health, even if you're spot on with lifestyle, diet and health like I try to be. Take heart. Our stories are common, even if they feel abnormal. 

[Malon]

On 5/11/2020 at 4:15 PM, Raindays said:

(..,) So my rational is if I am physically healthy then the fatigue must be coming from my mind saying "I don't wanna"! I don't know if this is right or wrong because I don't have any answers, just theories. I just know that for me,(...)

I just know that this fatique ist not just psychologically in my case. But most times its better to push myself. However, sometimes its just not possible if I am completely knocked out in a wave.

@AlaskanGlacier
Good to hear that we are not alone with this, although I wish this to nobody. The morning fatique is often just insane for me as well. You are the first person I could find here where specially the fatique in the morning is the worst. Now, I have got some energy back, little by little. Have you already got some improvements? If I look back I defintely have some improvements, which is great. How do you know that the depression is chemical - like if a dark strong depression hits without a obvious reason? I try to live healthy as possible like you.

Yes, our bodies have to recover from this long term drug use. Hope we will be better some day and can learn something from this experience in a positive way. I also took Accutane as a youth. Seems like that we have a lot in common. Would be good to hear from you from time to time.

 

[AlaskanGlacier]

@Malon

Yeah the morning fatigue, body pain, depression is fairly brutal in the morning, and tbh with you, while I was tapering it wasn't the best, but the post taper wd has seen it rear it's ugly head. I'll wake up almost sedated (and this is after 8 hrs of uninterrupted sleep for the most part), in bad body pain, exhausted and feeling that chemically unnatural depression. As I get up and get going, it eases and then gets slightly better. The most I've been able to do lately is really just take care of my meals, do a bit of garden watering and putzing around the house... going shopping once a week or so if I need to for groceries. The fatigue portion of this has been rough, but the 7-10 months off has been the most rough, IMO.

 

There HAVE been improvements, for sure. I'm not cycling back and forth between extreme mania and suicidal depression as much as I was. That was an ongoing thing from month 2-6 or so... and honestly after that I thought I was turning a corner and would soon be improving steadily. I guess not yet. Hopefully soon, but the physical part of the healing has been very tough the past few months. I'll get almost unable to get up for portions of the day... disoriented, dizzy, extreme muscle weakness, dp/dr, and then it will suddenly go away for no reason. Mostly around noon it hits, and then eases as the day goes on. It's been a roller coaster ride!

 

What's crazy to me is that I got my adrenals/thyroid recently tested, and both are normal. You'd think you were looking at test results for people who were pushing in the gym, working long hours and living life and handling it well. Yet I'm still so fatigued and weak it's like I'm 95 years old. ... and then the emotional depressiony stuff... I can go from being sorta clear minded and somewhat level to borderline catatonically depressed in 5 mins and back again. I can be talking to someone (or trying to lol) and go from extreme anxiety, bizarre weird euphoria to depressed to the point I can't talk in a 5 mins span. It's nuts. I'll definitely keep up on this thread. We do seem a lot in common. Hopefully we're almost done with this.

[Malon]

@AlaskanGlacier
The morning fatigue for me feels like I drank a bottle of Vodka in the evening before - like a strong hangover. I also have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep but then feel very exhausted. After managing to get up and taking a shower it gets better first but after 1-2 hours after getting up the second hard portion of fatigue hits. Midday it usually gets a bit better and then ups and down. I had this fatigue while on SSRI. After being off, it was terrible from month 2-6. Then first windows and improvements started. After my last recent hard wave of fatigue, now I feel with a bit less fatigue in general.

I also have these ups and downs and this roller coaster thing. Sometimes several times a day. From being depressed, fatigue, anxious and suicidal during the day time to being immediately happy, clear and with good mood in the evening without a reason.
All of my tests were also negative and I was told I am very healthy but I was feeling like I am going to die soon. So doctors and others said its just psychological. I just know and feel its not only that. WD makes the most sense. Maybe the thyroids is also connected to the meds and WD? Just a guess. From time to time I also have these weird feeling of awkwardness with other people in social situations - like you described in your introductions.

I am 12 Months off now!!! This should be celebrated 😀

 

[KenA]

@Malon

Congrats for making it to the 12 month mark!! That is an amazing achievement!! I'm almost to 9 months myself and have many of the exact same symptoms as you. The mornings always seem to be the worst waking up with extreme anxiety that will turn to depression after a few hours. Always fatigued and tired even if sleeping for 6-8 hours. (I usually only get about 5 myself) Got insomnia as a w/d side effect But like you sometimes the evenings will be clearheaded and an amazing mood and literally it's like I did nothing at all for it to happen. It is the most bizarre thing for sure!! From other people I have talked to that have recovered and are back to normal, everything we are experiencing is 100 percent w/d related and will one day be a distant memory and a life lesson we can use to help others! Keep strong my friend and reach the finish line!! We will complete this journey and be healed one day and be able to share our success stories to help inspire others as well!! Take care!

[Cocopuffz17]

11 hours ago, Malon said:

@AlaskanGlacier
The morning fatigue for me feels like I drank a bottle of Vodka in the evening before - like a strong hangover. I also have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep but then feel very exhausted. After managing to get up and taking a shower it gets better first but after 1-2 hours after getting up the second hard portion of fatigue hits. Midday it usually gets a bit better and then ups and down. I had this fatigue while on SSRI. After being off, it was terrible from month 2-6. Then first windows and improvements started. After my last recent hard wave of fatigue, now I feel with a bit less fatigue in general.

I also have these ups and downs and this roller coaster thing. Sometimes several times a day. From being depressed, fatigue, anxious and suicidal during the day time to being immediately happy, clear and with good mood in the evening without a reason.
All of my tests were also negative and I was told I am very healthy but I was feeling like I am going to die soon. So doctors and others said its just psychological. I just know and feel its not only that. WD makes the most sense. Maybe the thyroids is also connected to the meds and WD? Just a guess. From time to time I also have these weird feeling of awkwardness with other people in social situations - like you described in your introductions.

I am 12 Months off now!!! This should be celebrated 😀

 

 

That is the perfect way to describe it. I have had that feeling in varying levels everyday since I have come off my medication. The hangover feeling every morning. It has been getting better and better. It is challenging, but we will get through it!! Each day that passes is one day closer to being healed  

 

I also remember having this fatigue when I was on the medication. I truly believe this is from the effects these drugs have on our stomach acid which directly effects our ability to break down foods to be properly absorbed. I had to take an iron supplement with b vitamins in it for 8 years while on paroxetine or I would sleep 16 hrs a day. I no longer take that supplement and have no where near the same fatigue struggles that I did while on the medication. 

[Malon]

 

On 5/19/2020 at 11:22 PM, KenA said:

@Malon

Congrats for making it to the 12 month mark!! That is an amazing achievement!! I'm almost to 9 months myself and have many of the exact same symptoms as you. The mornings always seem to be the worst waking up with extreme anxiety that will turn to depression after a few hours. Always fatigued and tired even if sleeping for 6-8 hours. (I usually only get about 5 myself) Got insomnia as a w/d side effect But like you sometimes the evenings will be clearheaded and an amazing mood and literally it's like I did nothing at all for it to happen. It is the most bizarre thing for sure!! From other people I have talked to that have recovered and are back to normal, everything we are experiencing is 100 percent w/d related and will one day be a distant memory and a life lesson we can use to help others! Keep strong my friend and reach the finish line!! We will complete this journey and be healed one day and be able to share our success stories to help inspire others as well!! Take care!

 

Thanks! Just hang on and faster as you might think and you will reach the 12 month mark as well! This can be an important achievement point in my opinion! I have some windows recently and this is great, especially compared to what was going on 1 year ago.
I just hope a lot of issues are still w/d related and time will bring further improvements. For other problems I have to work on myself but this is hard to distinct at the moment. Because I had not a good childhood, coming from a broken family, had traumatic experiences in school, was half time of my life on drugs etc. there are also aspects where I have to work on myself. However, with WD I guess its ok to be more gently and patient with myself at the moment
Thanks for your words! Yes, we will keep going and hopefully draw something positive, profund and gratefulness from this experiences and hopefully someday we can write a success story here. Because these stories helped me a lot and I would like to help other as well.

 

 

On 5/20/2020 at 3:55 AM, Cocopuffz17 said:

 

That is the perfect way to describe it. I have had that feeling in varying levels everyday since I have come off my medication. The hangover feeling every morning. It has been getting better and better. It is challenging, but we will get through it!! Each day that passes is one day closer to being healed  

 

I also remember having this fatigue when I was on the medication. I truly believe this is from the effects these drugs have on our stomach acid which directly effects our ability to break down foods to be properly absorbed. I had to take an iron supplement with b vitamins in it for 8 years while on paroxetine or I would sleep 16 hrs a day. I no longer take that supplement and have no where near the same fatigue struggles that I did while on the medication. 

On the meds I also had this need for an insane amount of sleep and still feeling tired. I dont have this need anymore. Good to hear that another one has the same WD symptom and side effects on the meds with the hangover feeling in the morning and the fatigue and good that it already gets better for you! We will get through it! We have been through so much!
Just let us keep going forwards day by day!
My iron levels in blood are a bit too high which is strange because I barely eat meat and dont take iron supplements. Dont know what these meds are exactly doing (like nobody) but in my opinion these meds can mess up a lot of things in the body.
 

[KenA]

@Malon

I am def looking forward to reaching the 12 month mark and more. Every day we go through is another day closer to our healing! I agree 100% that I hope most of these crazy symptoms truly are just w/d related and will one day clear up and go away as the CNS repairs and heals. I remember reading somewhere that someone had said if you have a symptom that started after you stopped the medication then the symptom will eventually go away.  So I hope against hope each day that this will all resolve and go back to normal  I agree, the success stories help me so much on the especially hard days to stay positive and hopeful!! I will def pay it forward when I get healed as well to help others!! We've got this!!

 

[Malon]

On 5/22/2020 at 11:54 PM, KenA said:

@Malon

I remember reading somewhere that someone had said if you have a symptom that started after you stopped the medication then the symptom will eventually go away. 

 

I think sometimes a symptom can be a WD symptom and and a side effect of the med. For me it was fatigue. I still have it but in overall it is now already better - probably better than it was ever in the last 8 years.
Just in a wave or when something triggers (sport, alcohol, stress etc.) it comes back with full strengh. I did a lot of sport on sunday and then from Monday - Thursday I got a paypack from that with fatique, brainfog, Joint- and severe Backpain.
I still have this insane hangover feeling in the morning from time to time and I ask myself what this is because it is really severe. In fact I started to laughing about this sensation because its just insane. 
However, I have this feeling sometimes in a windwos that healing is progressing. I guess thats a good sign . Moreover it feels like that my anxiety level is lower than usual which is just great.
Hope healing will progress for us all. Wish you good healing.

[KenA]

@Malon

Wishing you good healing as well!! I always tell myself that the Waves are the lie and the Windows are the truth!!! When I am in a window and everything goes away and I feel normal again, I remind myself that this is my future!! Just have to give it time and let the waves go away one day and never return! We've got this!

 

[Malon]

On 5/29/2020 at 5:38 PM, KenA said:

@Malon

Wishing you good healing as well!! I always tell myself that the Waves are the lie and the Windows are the truth!!! When I am in a window and everything goes away and I feel normal again, I remind myself that this is my future!! Just have to give it time and let the waves go away one day and never return! We've got this!

 

Yeah, I see it in the same way as you. If life is always or more often like in a window, life is much better and worth to live it! We just need more time. Maybe not only time but mainly time! Never thought this can take several years. But it is the truth.

[Teppo125]

@Malon

Hi!

I’m almost 9 months off Escitalopram(lexapro) only 2 months of using that drug.(Ct’d) I’m also fatigued and I stop the drug because fatigue and suicidal stuff what that make to me. Sleeping is pretty good now and suicidal stuff are going to fade away, but the fatigue is still here all day. Few months ago I barely could cook some food when I was standing, but almost everytime I was sitting on kitchen chair, because it was too hard to stand. I’m always lying on sofa, when I could. I wasn’t depressed before drugs, I think it was too much stress and other circumstances. But I was way better shape there than now. Hope this fatigue goes away sometime and the other symptoms too🙂
And yes I’m 30 years old and I was very sport guy. Now I feel like 80’s and only thing what I do in addition to work is I keep the couch in place...

[Malon]

@Teppo125
A few here and also myself described it in the same way. I am also 30 years old but its feels like I am 90+.  If I can reach the age I am feeling right now, this would be great 😂

It is hard that even after that short usage duration, these drugs can cause such long WD symptoms. But good you were wise enough to stop them,  that you already had improvements and that you are able to work!
I think I had adverse reaction as well especially with Citalopram but I just continued to take them. I was not wise enough and trust doctors and the drugs.

Hope also that fatigue will get better for us. I had a bad wave the last days which worsened by drastic weather changes and because I tried new supplements. This fatigue and tiredness is just insane. I was more or less bed bounded and in the evening its gets better without a reason. I have to work during day time.
In this fatigue I try now not to despair and being suicidal and to accept it more and trust myself and my body that it will get better with time if I just hold on. This is very hard during the peak of the fatigue but easier in the evening when fatigue ease a bit. However in the evening I often get sad how life is at the moment.

 

[Teppo125]

@Malon

I’ve been working all the time. It has been sometimes pretty hard, but suffering this at home, I think that it’s not a good idea if you can work. Time is our friend and when you do something, it goes faster. I would give anything if I could to go back and solve my problems without meds, but all of us would do the same. I could’t even think how bad withdrawal could be. I hope that someday I could start my hobbies again and have my physic back what I had.  But when WD is over, it takes a lot of time and exercise that our physic comes to the same as it was, if it come..
 

Did I say, I hate this😅

[Malon]

Is there hope? 😪

[Cocopuffz17]

10 minutes ago, Malon said:

Is there hope? 😪

Yes there is! You will get through this! Don’t ever forget that! 

[Leila]

13 hours ago, Malon said:

C'è speranza? 😪

Hi Malon, your question is my question... What are your issues now? How about your tiredness/fatigue? I'm struggling with this now and I think about some permanent illness...😔 what a condemnation...

[Malon]

Thank you Coco.

Hi @Leila,
I think we should not give up as long as there is a glimpse of hope. I know its easier said than done.

I think I am in the 18 months wave and I feel very sick and it is another setback.
I am very very tired, weak, severe fatigue, muscle pain. I can't do many things.

I have thoughts such if this will really ever get better and what's even the point living like this if this will not end. Also a sort of an existence crises and anger.


I am sorry you have to suffer a lot as well. Don't give up. Here is what helps for me so that symptoms don't go crazy at least:

- Very disciplined day-night routine. Go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time always - also on weekends. I know this can be hard.
- Avoid alcohol at any price. Even a glass of beer is too much.
- Acceptance
- Meditation
- Hope. Remember yourself it is just another period of suffering and it will get better. Maybe already in a few days.
- Learning about Philosophy/ Spirituality/ Cognitive therapy methods
- Reading success stories
- Very light exercises (walking). If possible outside with fresh air and sun in nature. I often just take rounds in my apartment because I feel too sick to go outside.
- Light stretching (yoga etc.)
- Cold showers (start slowly). This can have an enormous liberating effect. It might be tricky because sometimes it crashes heavily again a few hours later for me. However, I found this can have an incredible positive effect for me for a while.
- Decrease sugar and coffein intake as much as possible
- Healthy diet
- Find out for yourself what is the best compromise between resting and challenging yourself.
- Listening to calming or positive music
-  Making music
- Distraction can help for while if it's not too much
- Not completely sure but think some of my supplements might work for me. Don't try one supplement after another because it can trigger symptoms.
I spend so much time, money and effort with supplements and it just didn't worth it at the end. Most gave me a paradox effect.
- Avoid self -pity but be nice and empathic with yourself. Remember positive things and things you have accomplished despite of very difficult circumstances. Positive self talk.
- Talk therapy might help if you can find the right therapist.
- Too much loneliness/ social withdrawal can make me feel worse. Too much people on the other hand as well.
- Talking to others about your problem can help
- Avoid stress/ toxic people/ unusual things as much as possible. Even taking a hot bath or too much exercise can cause much more fatigue on the next day.
- In times you feel better dont overdo it. Try to stay calm.
- Acknowledging that everything can have a strong effect on me. So choose wisely from what you can choose. E.g.: music, movies, people, thoughts, news... Avoiding social media.
- Let go of perfectionism
- See positive aspects or a meaning in suffering
- I developed a "**** it - nothing really matters mentality and nothing can really bother me any more after all what happened" and it might ease things a bit. However, this might be dangerous in regards to bitterness and anger.

These are just my experiences so far, I don't recommend anything of this to anyone.
The most improvements I definitely have with anxiety 🙏.


The Covid-19 restrictions are nothing compared to this hell in my opinion. Now it is how it is..


Get well soon and greetings to beautiful Italy ☀️

[Leila]

Dear @Malon, your gesture and your kindness are so precious! Thank you for writing all of your copying skills! It will help me so much!🙂

I'm experimenting too how I had to be orderly to avoid that symptoms reach a paroxysmal peak! Sometimes I feel like I move too cautiously but I'm really scared about not recognize the limit. And I think that one of the most important lesson from WD is drawing your own borders for a better life.

I hope also me to develop (how you wrote in your last point) a kind of stoic attitude and I will learn the ability of don't care about all the pressures of social structure.

I heard about 18 months wave and I'm sorry you are struggling with this! But I'm confident in the fact that after this period, you will go through better better windows and moments! It's very difficult learning to ride the waves and accept that we haven't always the control of our mind or body. This is an hardest test for humans and I hope we will emerge resilient!

 

You answer show me that we aren't alone. So thank you again for this!

We are far (not too far really, your beautiful country almost border on mine) but not far in this fight! I keep my hand to you and I will follow your journey, cheering for you!

 

[Malon]

Sorry for the late answer @Leila I hope you are doing better.

I want to add to my list 16/8 intermittent fasting which helps me at the moment, and maybe I am going to try a 7-day fasting cure.
I also don't want to visit this forum too often. I don't want to identify myself with WD too much and therefore give it energy.

I found out If I do not follow my list I get considerably worse.
No, you are not alone.

 

I think we can practice getting more and more control over our mind. I see this point in common in many philosophical and spiritual lectures. If you are interested in this kind of wisdom I can send you links for videos per PM.

[Leila]

Dear Malon, absolutely don't worry! 🙂

Yes, you are right...I'm starting understand that I had to follow a personal protocol (many of these tools come from the wisdom of this site) to tame symptoms. Not simple to define the boundaries with world to avoid stress and also not simple the practice of control our mind. Yes, when you can and have time, send me some links. I think it's always helpful sharing knowledge! 🙌

[Malon]

Short update:
I am 24 months off now!

I have moments where I feel better but I still have severe setbacks (Extreme fatigue, depression, anxiety and panic attacks). I am very sensitive to the typical triggers.
Currently I am listening to Joe Dispenza healing methods (not for everyone). I believe in healing!