LostRunner: took citalopram for 7 days - feel terrible 7 weeks later

[Ashkaye]

@LostRunner I really hope you’re getting better. I’m so mad at what these drugs have done to me, I’m so mad at what it’s done to us. The fact that this happened to me over night and there’s no overnight way to fix it makes me furious! 

[Nyfa25]

@Ashkaye i feel totally the same..  I have so angry with this awfull drugs...

[ddubb]

On 9/30/2020 at 12:09 PM, LostRunner said:

Thanks @christianjw12 im happy (and also very jealous) that you've had improvements. its insane how bad I still am and yet others have made dramatic improvements.. makes so sense at all

@LostRunner

 

I’m sorry things are still so difficult for you. It’s good of you to reach out and talk about it. I remember what it’s like to feel like my life was over. But things will get better.

 

I will be direct. I don’t mean to dismiss your suffering at all, but it seems to me like you are too focused on the problem and not focused enough on the solution. I know it can be hard when you’re depressed, but you have to start somewhere.

 

Your thoughts literally impact your physical health. Check out the book “biology of belief” by Bruce Lipton. Have you tried doing positive affirmations on a regular basis? (I am healthy, I am happy, I am complete, etc). You have to be able to imagine good health if you plan to achieve it.

 

I would also strongly recommend looking into biological/bio-regulatory medicine. You won’t find any solutions from the same system that has sickened you. I’m happy to provide you with some resources if you would like.

 

Recovery will be difficult if you live in regret. Your adverse reaction is not your fault. Please try to forgive yourself, for taking the medication and also for any other things you may blame yourself for. I gather that you have some unresolved traumas that were in a way “unmasked” by your reaction. Perhaps anger at someone else that you’ve turned on yourself. We all have some kind of past trauma. Whatever yours may be, resolving these issues are a crucial part of recovery.

 

Best Wishes,

Daniel

[LostRunner]

Hi @ddubb.. thanks but I’ve been very physically damaged by the drugs! I literally can’t control my legs as normal and my spine vibrates 24/7. It’s torture. Ive tried to explain but it seems to be hard for people to understand. I think they’ve probably not dealt with such physical issues so can’t get it. It’s nothing to do with my thoughts or past ‘trauma’ or anger at anyone else. At the moment the solution is to just hope my body heals in time. I’m very physically compromised. Standing still is hard to do as my legs vibrate and my hips and spine sway. Not a lot I can do about that but do light exercise etc and eat well and continue my therapy to get through.
 

Hope this doesn’t come across badly. I have positive affirmations on my wall and whilst they’re helpful etc they’re not going to magically undo what the drugs have done.

P.s Don’t mean to be rude or anything. I know you’re well meaning and everything you said is all good. I’m just not there yet. I’m still very acute & the physical stuff is 24/7 discomfort. It takes all my energy and effort to even think outside of that, it’s that bad! Anyway I think I should probably take a break from here! 

[ddubb]

@LostRunner

 

I say all these things having gone a good way through an “impossible” healing process myself. I hope you find healing. My heart really goes out to you.

 

I know it’s exhausting, and time really is the best healer, but it may not be a bad idea to see a practitioner who is familiar with the damage these medications can cause. They can help support you through the healing process and will take you seriously. It very hard to not feel heard.

 

Hang in there 💖 

[LostRunner]

Thanks @ddubb appreciate it! Glad you’ve been able to get through the impossible stage. I’m just hoping for the best. Yeah I’m still trying to find one, it’s truly so isolating as I’m sure you’re aware. My heart sinks when they say the drugs couldn’t have done this. It’s like “well they have so...” awkward. 

[ddubb]

@LostRunner

 

Thank you. It felt like I was going nowhere for years but healing seems to be happening exponentially quicker now.

 

Yeah, it’s insulting and frustrating to be dismissed. The idea that the chemicals they are prescribing could hurt people is very threatening to the average doctor. I’d strongly recommend searching for a practitioner of bioregulatory medicine. They generally don’t take insurance but they’ll believe you and can help support your body so it can heal itself. 
Here is some basic info about bioregulatory medicine.

https://www.chelseagreen.com/2018/what-is-bioregulatory-medicine/ 

[Longroadhome]

On 4/30/2020 at 4:28 PM, Gridley said:

As mstimc said, the damage is not permanent and what you're experiencing is completely normal for an adverse reaction.  You will heal and recover, but it's likely going to take a good bit of time.  The symptoms of an adverse reaction are very similar to the symptoms of withdrawal.

Over time, they will slowly fade.

 

[Nyfa25]

@LostRunner Hello, I went to an acupuncturist yesterday, and it’s impressive how it relieved my symptoms in an hour, I still feel the symptoms of course but really it alleviated the suffering as much moral as physical.

 

I advise you to go there it can surely relieve your physical symptoms and at worst it won’t hurt you.

 

I have another session tomorrow and I really hope it’ll make me feel better again.

[LostRunner]

hey @Nyfa25 I've been doing acupuncture for a while now but haven't had any success unfortunately! thanks for thinking of me though, glad its working for you! 

[sunnysideup69]

Hey @LostRunner,

Just checking in to see how you are doing? Have seen your latest updates. Sending you good wishes for a shift, soon.

[LostRunner]

Thanks @sunnysideup69 I’m pretty terrible to be honest. Have no reason to be hopeful as symptoms are still 24/7. How are you?

[sunnysideup69]

Just now, LostRunner said:

Thanks @sunnysideup69 I’m pretty terrible to be honest. Have no reason to be hopeful as symptoms are still 24/7. How are you?

 

Oh, sorry to hear there's no let up yet! Honestly, these things can take such a long time.

I'm ok, bit of a wave this week, probably caused by poor diet and being under the weather- feeling like I have the lurgie. But overall, slowly improving. Nervous system still easily stressed and overloaded BUT I'm much more aware of it these days and trying to find ways to cope.

 

It's so tricky when GPs are dismissive. Am also currently trying to find one who's a bit more on-board with the things these drugs do to us.

[LostRunner]

Oh it’s awful how I’ve been treated by my GP and it’s frustrating that I accepted that treatment. Sad to say as I haven’t had a problem with them before this. But the GP treated me terribly when I had my reaction and was very dismissive and acted like it was me or not even possible. I was practically begging for help and was ignored. This GP had known me for years, it’s so hurtful. 
 

Now I’m still in this mess all these months later not even functioning. I’m annoyed I made myself into a victim without realising it. But anyway! I have very little reason to live at the moment and it’s beyond sad as I had a life before this. 
 

Bleurgh.. sorry! Glad you’re slowly getting better! Don’t mean to be doom and gloom at all. 

[Longroadhome]

12 minutes ago, LostRunner said:

Oh it’s awful how I’ve been treated by my GP and it’s frustrating that I accepted that treatment. Sad to say as I haven’t had a problem with them before this. But the GP treated me terribly when I had my reaction and was very dismissive and acted like it was me or not even possible. I was practically begging for help and was ignored. This GP had known me for years, it’s so hurtful. 
 

Now I’m still in this mess all these months later not even functioning. I’m annoyed I made myself into a victim without realising it. But anyway! I have very little reason to live at the moment and it’s beyond sad as I had a life before this. 
 

Bleurgh.. sorry! Glad you’re slowly getting better! Don’t mean to be doom and gloom at all. 

Hi there 

you will get better . You had an adverse reaction to the drug .

ive seen quite a few people on this site with reactions to SSRIs that have got better . it just takes time. Unfortunately. 
 

you haven’t damaged yourself for good and I’m sure Baylissa would have told you this too as you said you were in contact with her . She is excellent but so stretched because there are so many of us ! 
 

eat healthy don’t take any meds because nothing will speed it along. And wait for your CNS to heal . It definitely will. 
 

baylissa sends affirmations every day if you have joined her website . 
so much info too. 
 

try not to despair you will be restored to factory settings and just think you are quite a few months down the road now so that’s a positive . 
 

hang in there !! 
LRH 
 

 

[LostRunner]

Thanks @Longroadhome for your encouragement. I wish I felt hopeful. I thought by now I’d be having changes. I  do talk to baylissa still and use her website.
 

yeah I compare myself to the other adverse reactions and I just have a lot more physical damage/ bad physical symptoms which are truly unrelenting and the other reactions have reported windows and waves and some positive changes by 8 months. Even people who have been on the drugs for years have had quicker recoveries!!  
 

There are also a couple of adverse reactions who say they are still bad a few years off. it’s just too much for me to fully grasp and comprehend. It makes no sense all of this. I have NO LIFE and suffering all the time. I don’t take any other meds or anything. I’ve never really taken medication before this ironically. Hope you’re doing okay yourself. 

[LostRunner]

Feeling very discouraged and isolated today. I've had yet another Dr telling me that there is no way that Citalopram could have caused the symptoms that I've been experiencing these past 8 months. it was so bizarre. He was a toxicologist and did not agree that citalopram could have done what it's done. It was as if he couldn't bare to have a bad word said about it. I can't believe i've done this to myself. Makes me want to give up. 

[Longroadhome]

Hi there @LostRunner

just read your post coming out from seeing ENT specialist . 
having problem with balance coming of SSRI . 
 

he had been the first specialist I’ve seen ( seen two this week) that has openly said my balance issue is most probably due to coming off Paxil. He said “good luck” coming off these meds it is almost impossible because of what they do to the body and brain . He really doesn’t know how people do it . His words !!

 

seen a neurologist earlier in the week that sounds like your doctor . Couldn’t possibly be down to my meds why I’m getting MS symptoms . Not possible he said. I’ve never  had problems like this before by the way. 
he also said that some people need to stay on these meds for life because of chemical imbalance. 
cant believe they’re still spouting that old chestnut !!!!
 

it is discouraging LR when specialists are telling the us meer  mortals we are wrong and they are right . 
but here’s the thing ... we ARE right and they are so VERY wrong . 
let me tell you it most definitely IS your med . And you WILL recover . 
Most haven’t got a clue . After all these years . 
 

the ENT specialist also asked me if I am receiving support from my GP. None. 
he’s heard it many times before. He made me feel he knew someone close that was going through coming off this s*@t. 
 

don’t t be dismayed you will get there it’s just a long journey but the rainbow at the end will be worth it !! 
 

LRH 

[Kingfisher86]

@LostRunner

 

I truly hear you😣 
 

In Serbia we have a saying: Fed person doesn’t believe the hungry one. Unless our doctors experience what we do, of course they will have a hard time believing it. This path we are on is unbelievably hard, right now.

 

But please don’t be hard on yourself. None of us would be messing with these drugs if we were cautioned about wd and side effect.

 

This too shall pass. You are not alone. 
I am having a tough day too, hating how I feel. YET there is a part of me trusting it will get better. Please hang on. 

[christianjw12]

@LostRunner @Kingfisher86 @Longroadhome hang out ! We'll be out of this nightmare one day ! No matter how hard it is.

I'm reading a psychatry book called Cracked: The Unhappy Truth about Psychiatry. Have a look about it ! It's very interesting

[LostRunner]

 thank you @Longroadhome i'm sorry you're too getting this as well. its so horrible and makes you feel like nothing. I feel like nothing anyway. 

 

I don't understand how very educated people can not know or even want to know. I truly am baffled by it.

 

The toxicologist is writing to my GP to say that my symptoms are not to do with citalopram and its a mental health issue.. its like great. thanks for that. he wasn't open to any discussion around the topic or the fact I'm nowhere near what I used to be mentally or physically. he had no time for it. argh all of this its 'not possible' does my head in... how is it not possible when it has happened and I and others are living proof?! It's so easy for them to blame things on mental health. another easy day in the office! I can't see how i'm going to get better I try to be positive but its crazy!!

 

 

 

 

[LostRunner]

thanks @Kingfisher86 thats such a good saying! and totally true in this case. you'd think to be Dr you have to have the capacity to be able to hear other peoples experiences and be open minded and Investigate things! not just fob them off endlessly. makes me so sad and angry. I hope things get better for you! my body is an absolute wreck still. surely not reversible. 

[LostRunner]

8 minutes ago, christianjw12 said:

@LostRunner @Kingfisher86 @Longroadhome hang out ! We'll be out of this nightmare one day ! No matter how hard it is.

I'm reading a psychatry book called Cracked: The Unhappy Truth about Psychiatry. Have a look about it ! It's very interesting

 Thanks @christianjw12 I cant read books at the moment but if I ever can this will be on the list! I feel mad about anything to do with these drugs now. dont know how I could have been so naive. 

[Hanna72]

@LostRunner

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It’s such a difficult road, I know. 
I get that you are angry about the doctors I have been too.

30 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

but here’s the thing ... we ARE right and they are so VERY wrong . 

This is spot on. 
You need to believe in yourself without letting doctors words impact you. I for one was told I had to be on Paxil for the rest of my life because of lack of serotonin. Well I have proofed them all wrong. 
Unfortunately doctors are still clueless, but I think some awareness is happening, which is a good thing.

22 minutes ago, LostRunner said:

surely not reversible. 

It is reversible. Never quit, never loose hope and tell yourself that you will  beat this

Our mindset is very important during this, don’t feed your thoughts on the negative, it can play a big role in recovery. One negative loop can spiral into the worse case scenario. 
Don’t ever let this beat you down, you are stronger then you think and more capable then you give yourself credit for. 
We are all rooting for you

Come on lostrunner let’s go 💪
 

[LostRunner]

Thank you @Hanna72  
 

I wish something told me that I am going to improve. Feel awful still after 8 months. I’m genuinely going out of my mind with my walking, heavy lead legs and shaking back issues. I’m in constant discomfort so even laying in bed and resting is not comfortable. God knows what I’ve done to my back, spine whatever. all I know is that it constantly feels like it’s on the brink of collapse still. Very heavy pressure and spasm like movements constantly. 
 

I genuinely cannot believe what I’ve done to myself. Can’t imagine a way through it at all, this physical stuff is just way too much for me to cope with. The hardest thing is that I can’t do anything to help it or make it better and nor can my family and friends. Gutted this has happened and I feel so so guilty. My skin has also lost all of its firmness and elasticity, it’s super thin all over and hangs at my neck. Truly dreadful. Completely ruined myself. 

[Longroadhome]

@LostRunner

 

you mentioned in an earlier post you had contacted Baylissa what were her thought ?

[LostRunner]

@Longroadhome she checked that I’d done all the diagnostic tests and says I will heal.
 

She’s lovely and brilliant and I think everyone in withdrawal does heal but I don’t feel like I’m in the same boat as everyone else when I had an adverse reaction. I don’t feel my body is capable of turning a corner when it is so damaged and not improving. I don’t get windows or waves. No good times or good days at all. Life genuinely isn’t worth living in this state and I’ve never felt that ever before. I was 30 when I took this and it’s destroyed everything. 

[LostRunner]

Sorry. I don’t know why I just post moaning stuff I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m definitely not cut out for this or strong enough and find it hard to find positive thoughts when I can’t feel anything positive about this situation at all. I think this might kill me and I hate it. I never even imagined a bout of anxiety would bring me here. Should have known better than to blindly trust a dr when I was feeling so unwell on day 3! Crazy. I’ll never understand. 

[Longroadhome]

@LostRunner

You don’t have to have  windows and waves to heal. Some just get up one morning and all symptoms are gone . Windows and waves is not an indicator of recovery .  
you have not damaged yourself fir good 

all you need to do is get up each day breathe and get on with the day as best you can And let Mother Nature do the rest. 
KEEP GOING 

[LostRunner]

😭😭😭thank you @Longroadhome 

[Nyfa25]

@LostRunner If it makes you feel any better, I am three and a half months away from an adverse reaction and I am at the same point as you, I feel like my life is completely ruined, I feel empty without any emotion, me who was such a happy and full of life, I lost my job because of the adverse reaction, the emotional symptoms are as terrible as the physical ones, I’m not myself anymore since taking these legal drugs..

I would so like to wake up one morning and all the symptoms have disappeared

[LostRunner]

Sorry this happened to you @Nyfa25 I lost everything too. My body, brain, job. You’ll get your brain back.. brains are brilliant at rewiring and recovering. It may just take a little while. 

[Nyfa25]

I don’t know if I would recover.. I certainly hope so and I hope so do you! It’s incredible that it’s so denied by doctors@LostRunner

[sunnysideup69]

You will both eventually recover. The sucky thing is, noone can predict how long recovery takes. I will bet money that you both have a recovery story to tell one day. Hang in there,  @LostRunner and @Nyfa25. And yes, the gaslighting by the medical profession is incredible.

[Longroadhome]

On 10/23/2020 at 12:27 PM, LostRunner said:

😭😭😭thank you @Longroadhome 

@LostRunner

 

Just like to add from the other day you say you don’t have windows but can you honestly say you’re  getting any worse ? 
have you kept a diary from the beginning detailing how you are feeling . 
you may think there are no improvements because they may be small  

[LostRunner]

@LongroadhomeI have moments and sometimes days of feeling worse but overall no I don’t feel like I’m getting worse. Just not really noticing much improvement yet in the huge 24/7 symptoms. Im always uncomfortable. No improvements in pulsing, shaking spine, thudding heart or weak heavy legs. I can’t imagine these improving as there’s been no let up  I’ve really messed up my body. I started a diary but it got a bit depressing as no noticeable changes so thought I should just leave it and see what happens.