Heidi1: citalopram cold turkey withdrawal

[christianjw12]

6 minutes ago, Heidi1 said:

I think I know what you mean. I have similar feelings and they can feel very urgent and pretty alarming. 
I’m glad to hear you’re doing a lot better, you sound like you are definitely on your way! 
I am quite worried about the lockdown as I worry that I’ll feel worse when I’m stuck inside and there’s not really anything I can do about it. Trying to tell myself there’s nothing really to worry about though, there should be no reason that I’ll feel bad.

Yes, but I already survived one lockdown, so I know I can survive it again.

Try to stay in touch with your family and your friends (skype, zoom etc. !). It's very important. 

[Heidi1]

I’ve now been off citalopram for just under 6 months.

In the last two months I’d noticed more days of having much less intense symptoms, OCD style intrusive thoughts becoming much more relaxed and spaced out and having more days of being able to enjoy things more, or at least put my attention to things.

For just over a week now I’ve been in a horrible wave, feels about as bad as at the beginning, my symptoms are very intense and my intrusive thoughts are very strong.

I thought I had been seeing some progress but now just getting discouraged as this feels so bad 😔 guessing this is just a setback but I feel like I need some reassurance! 

[Kronos18]

Waves and windows going on.Happens to me even after 2 years which I mark this month, even if I force myself my symptoms would ramp up for some time.

[Sheera]

@Heidi1 you are not crazy!!  And way ahead of me. If I remember I’m pretty sure I thought I was crazy for at least 2 years!  🤣 I’m glad to hear your symptoms are starting to space out and that at least you have the windows to remind you that they are possible. Whenever I am in a wave I just remind myself of the gloriousness of the window and it helps a little. It at least gives me the hope to know I’ll eventually improve.
 

What are you doing to cope when you have waves?  It sounds like you have ruminations which is one of my worst symptoms. One of my greatest strengths out of withdrawal is that I’m a thinker. Not so much in withdrawal 😆 anyways, TV had been my saving grace because I can focus enough on that to distract myself from my own thoughts. 

 

I hope your wave has passed by now!  Keep being a warrior!

 

Sheera

[Heidi1]

@Sheera Thanks for your lovely reply!

I definitely have ruminations, a lot of OCD style thoughts, loss of interest in things that would normally make me happy, very depressed feelings, over exaggerated thoughts and feelings, etc (some of which are just really strange and don't make sense). I have had very repetitive SI which was why I stopped my medication and have struggled since during withdrawal, is this something you struggled with?

When I am in a wave I try to distract as much as possible. I watch TV, go for walks, play my piano, read books, spend time with my partner, basically anything I can try and put my mind to. I have tried to get better at feeding my brain positivity, on some days it feels near impossible with the amount of strange/negative thoughts I have, but I try!

Some days I'm so shocked at how my thoughts can calm down and the frequency is much less, I try and use this as encouragement. 

Can you remember when you noticed improvements happening for you?

I am very glad to hear things are better for you!

[Sheera]

@Heidi1 yes I did struggle with SI but it has subsided for me. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone—it goes away!  It sounds like you have a lot of things to distract you—keep that up. The more you can just accept that your brain is healing right now, the less intense your waves/lows will be. Sometimes it’s just okay to feel bad too and not even try to think the positive thoughts. It would always make me frustrated when I would try hard to be positive and I just couldn’t do it. So I just accept that my brain is healing and distract with something that would normally make me happy. Even if it doesn’t make me “feel” happy right now I know it’s helping my brain to heal to have the experience. 
 

My withdrawal has been very long—I don’t think I had a window (at least one I would deem a window) until at least 2 years in so I wouldn’t compare your story to mine.  It sounds like your healing is going a lot more swiftly than mine!  Just keep in mind that your brain is healing and patience is your best friend. 
 

take care—Sheera

[Heidi1]

@Sheerait really is horrible, my thoughts are very repetitive and sometimes are very hard to handle. It’s the symptom I really wish would go away! Can you remember when yours stopped? 

I really do just try to do as many normal things as possible, keep myself busy and let the time pass. I’ve had some bad waves in the last couple of months with obsessive thoughts, depressed feelings, anxiety, crying spells, feeling defeated, no happiness or interest in things, disconnected. My thoughts are just really all over the place, racing and can get very weird! I think maybe life events might have played a part- I’m almost qualified as a nurse and my training has been extremely hard with withdrawal and covid on top of that! I also lost my grandad last month and have felt like lots of things are happening at once. 
On my better days I feel my mood lift, my obsessive thoughts can be much less frequent and intense and the day feels easier. But just still always have this feeling of not enjoying anything or being interested, not being connected and just doing things to pass the time. 
I’m just over 7 months after taking citalopram, hoping for more improvement to come. 

[Sheera]

@Heidi1hello!  I still have to work on my thoughts but they are less repetitive and the thoughts I have are more normal. I remember having thoughts when reading the news that were so wacky. I also had flashbacks of memories that wouldn’t go away either. My waves now consist of repetitive thoughts that are related to stressful even in my current life. Things like covid or a stressful coworker will majorly occupy my thinking and I have to work hard to remind myself that this is withdrawal. They’re not as weird as the early withdrawal thoughts so I don’t always catch them. When I’m in a window, I’m pretty present in my life and enjoy all the things. You will recognize the feeling in a window. It’s like a switch turns on. I’m glad to hear you’re having some windows. Hang in there—it improves slowly but surely. 
 

Sheera 

[Heidi1]

@Sheerait's very difficult when your thoughts are so strange isn't it. It's always good to hear that they get better with time and I'm really glad your better days are better now  

I've had a good few weeks (almost month!) of feeling better, definite improvements on quite a few things such as interest in things, obsessive thoughts (never ever completely gone but on some days I'd literally just forget about them for quite a while) and overall mood. Today is a worse day, my obsessive thoughts are worse again and my anxiety is quite high  but cannot deny that I have definitely had improvements on better days!

On my better days I really can't say I feel 'normal' , I haven't felt that in a long time, and sometimes it makes me worry. Windows don't have to be 'normal' though do they, just feeling better?