Smartsauce: Quitting antidepressants and antipsychotics, desperate and hopeless

[Smartsauce]

Hi Iv been on antidepressants and antipsychotics for about 10 year and im 30 now.

Recently the combination of both was getting to me as my side effects were getting worse for some unknown reason after like 2 years of no problems.

 

Side effects that I suddenly got or became worse:

-Anhedonia, like I came home from work and Id sit at my normal spot at the desk but instead of doing things, which were mostly gaming, I was just idling and bored out of my head. Also movies and everything i could think of were just so dreadfully boring so I just prefer to idle than do or watch something which was dreadful on its own. I had to start to force myself to do things I used to enjoy.

-Sexual dysfunction: Suddenly I had problems getting erect or to maintain erectness. Id also just watch porn and be like not affected by it at all. Orgasm is sometimes not reachable and the discharge is so small it is as if nothing happened. Also the pleasure of the orgasm is completely ruined, doesnt feel pleasureable at all. It is like

pissing or something. My interest in girls is just also downhill now.

-Problem just talking to people. Im like this robot with no thoughts coming through, I almost everytime dont know what to say or dont have anything to add. I was always kinda introverted and awkward too but now how my conversations go is to cry for. I have become a really quiet guy now and it makes me sad, id go through a whole day of work without talking to anyone or saying anything, quite depressing. Also I barely laugh anymore, I really have to fake it alot and also I feel like I used to make people laugh more and now I am literally unable to do this.

-lack of emotion. Im really like a robot, I dont feel joy or pleasure much and I cant cry, I cant be sad about my situation, Im just blank. I just feel empty sometimes and its a disgusting feeling tbh. Also my personality has become more dull and boring imo. I ask my parents and they say they dont see a difference but i notice it.

-Paranoid/fearful attack: I would be working and later in the day where i became more tired these paranoid anxiety attacks would suddenly rise up and they were the worst. Id get so paranoid and fearful that i couldnt look my collegues in the eyes anymore. Id also not be able to focus on my work anymore because of the fearful

thoughts. Even when I finally got outside the factory and could avoid everyone and ride back my bike to home id still be so anxious and paranoid that every second was hell. This was really the dealbreaker that my medication suddenly got me really ***** up even after multiple years of no problems.

 

 

The latest antipsychotics I was on was Trevicta since 2017 and I started tapering from max dose to less but i got really restless and inpatient and suddenly cold turkey'd. I should have gotten my next shot 1 month ago now. I dont know if i will have big withdrawal effects but so far i dont have any yet.

I just have this problem that antispychotics block dopamine and serotonine receptors and I think thats why I am so utterly bored. It really has a huge impact on my mood. It makes me restless, depressed and suicidal. Its like there is nothing that i can enjoy. I have to wait for my dopamine receptors to recover and that will take months and months and im restless and inpatient. I also lost my job because I couldnt go on with it, espescially with the paranoia and anxiety attacks. Also the lack of dopamine is making me very idle because i have zero motivation. I cant get out of bed because i just dont have the motivation for it. I wake up when its dark

already and that is depressing on its own. Im also at home right now because of being jobless so that makes sure I have plenty of hours to be dreadfully bored. I feel like im going crazy sometimes. I really feel like dying sometimes like i just cant anymore.

 

At the moment my biggest problem is these endless hours with endless boredom that is just killing me. Sometimes I get to do some sport if i find the motivation to get some dopamine in my system. I also drink some coffee to get the dopamine rolling but it is not so effective. Im just thinking to go back to work, part time this time.

Just so my hours are spend doing something instead of doing nothing. But at the same time I dont feel like working again yet.

 

 

All i wanna know with certainty is that I will be better months from now on, because this stupid antipsychotic, who did the most dmg i assume, is left in your system for 18 months. That is gonna take forever and I feel so hopeless right now. I just want my old self back. Im quite a mess right now

on the plus side im lucky i still like music

Edited January 26, 2021 by manymoretodays
name to title

[manymoretodays]

Hi there Smartsauce and welcome aboard,

 

And yes, I think you will feel better as time goes on.

Lot's of things you may be able to do in the meantime, in the way of non-drug coping too.

So I hope we can be of help.

 

And I'm finding this:  Trevicta- Paliperidone 3 monthly

and so, it doesn't sound like you could do much of a taper, as the drug will just naturally wear off

.....also from what I see in this document ^, the Trevicta is usually just administered every 3 months

 

We usually advocate for a 10% taper, from each previous dosage

Why taper by 10% of my previous dosage

 

We do have a topic though:

 

*Tips for tapering off Invega(paliperdone)

 

Please summarize your withdrawal history in your signature

you'll see what we like to see in the link ^, and then also how to access it

this is the portion you see under other members posts, and provides a summary, and some context, wherever you post on site.

 

Are you on any other drugs right now?

 

And a bit more on WD(withdrawal):

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

Brain Remodelling

^ and this one, explains more clearly, why it isn't just about getting the drug out of ones system

 

When we take medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made.  The CNS likes stability. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.

.

 

Dr.Glenmullen’s withdrawal symptom list.

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

This is your introduction/journal page where you have now introduced yourself to the community, you can ask questions here regarding your tapering, give updates, and just keep a record of your journey.

 

And best, Love, peace, healing, and growth,

manymoretodays(mmt)

 

Edited January 30, 2021 by manymoretodays
additional, took out a line that did not apply

[saeed]

Hi smartsouce,

 

i is am sorry about what you’re facing and feeling, it’s terrible I am facing the withdrawals as well from invega shot,

I went off CT last October and in pretty much intense feeling.

kindly follow the guide from the admins they know better, I made a mistake by quitting CT which I shouldn’t do that I had to get off gradually as I couldn’t live with the side effect.

hold on there don’t rush things, people here are very supportive and I wish you all the best.

[Smartsauce]

Hi @saeed

I was tapering off antipsychotic Trevicta which is also invega kind of but I started getting pretty desperate and hopeless and cold turkey'd midway my tapering.

So far I dont have any side effects that are too much to bare. Its just sometimes mentally I get pretty hopeless and feel so anhedonic and bored that I lose my mind sitting alone at my computer.

 

But so far Im starting to wake up to my alarm recently instead of laying whole day in bed and I have picked up biking and swimming again.

One thing though is after swimming I get pretty sad, depressed and empty feeling.

I read on quora it might have to do with lack of dopamine in my system which would be explainable from the dopamine receptors being blocked by antipsychotics.

So i hope that just in time that my dopamine receptors get repaired/replaced by new ones and i get to have more dopamine in my system (lack of dopamine also a reason why sometimes i just can not wake up to my alarm clock)

 

 

Your invega shots is also every 3 months? My invega shot was called Trevicta, yours too? I was supposed to have a new lowered dose shot 1st of Jan but I didn't go. I think im lucky with lack of side effects of cold turkey'ing and I think im on the long road of recovery.

Cheers

[Smartsauce]

What I really wonder is will I keep feeling this bored/empty or will this effect reduce. Because of the dopamine receptors being blocked for years on end by antipsychotics so i lack natural dopamine now. I noticed the boredom and emptyness getting worse like the last year of being on antipsychotics.

Then it just got to the point that i had to get off them. It may sound over dramatic but just endlessly sitting bored in my room is suffering. Will i be able to enjoy activities more again? I used to game non stop, always being super engaged and never one second bored of my computer. Now i just sit here at my desk

with no end in sight just waiting till the time passes so i can go to bed and do it all over again. I just want to experience joy again, to want to wake up, not feeling defeated before the day starts and just keep laying in bed.

 

Sorry for coming off so whiney but i feel like thats all i can do, im having trouble to cope sometimes with so much time that i have to wait for till healing. I_need_to_be_patient. And hopeful.

[saeed]

Hi Smartsouce, 

 

hope you're doing well, i used to take Invega shot on monthly basis which is supposed to wean off within a month but the shot stays on the body for much longer time.

i remember first a few months were tough with anhedonia and feeling restless and empty feelings, but things will get better by time.

 

i know you're looking to feel better ASAP and we all want that, hang on in there you will feel better soon. i am looking forward for the recovery as well and i have no idea what's coming as i feel exhausted and tired and have no energy to go anywhere but the waves getting softer and i hope to pass this time with minimum waves i wish. 

 

keep yourself busy by watching TV or playing games, fake it even if you don't like doing that you have learn let the time pass without thinking of your symptoms and this is exactly what i am doing let the time pass to get better. 

 

feel free to ask if you have things in your mind that will make you feel better by explaining your feelings. 

 

stay strong and calm. 

 

thanks,

 

 

[Smartsauce]

Hey @saeed 

 

thanks for your words of encouragment, they really do help and support me.

So did the anhedonia already get better for you then? I see ur last shot was in october

are u busy again doing things you enjoy or is it really subtle?

 

greetings

[saeed]

Hi Smartsouce,

 

I am trying to keep myself busy with things as still things are not enjoyable but it’s better thank before for sure.

I am still in waves and had many windows previously and hope things will get better by time.

 

I am forcing myself to do things as distraction from my symptoms, fear is my enemy that kills my progress in seeing improvement and I hate that feeling.

I am still on other medication and hope to start tapering soon after I feel stable. 

[Kingfisher86]

@Smartsauce

I just wanted to say Hi✨Even though I do not have experience with drugs you are mentioning, many other people here do! This is a great place to find support, give support and gain knowledge.

Brain has wonderful abilities to repair and adjust, it just needs time to work on it. So hang on! 
 

[Smartsauce]

10 hours ago, Kingfisher86 said:

@Smartsauce

I just wanted to say Hi✨Even though I do not have experience with drugs you are mentioning, many other people here do! This is a great place to find support, give support and gain knowledge.

Brain has wonderful abilities to repair and adjust, it just needs time to work on it. So hang on! 
 

Hey thanks for the words of encouragement also, appreciated, it can be hard.

Any chance you have experience with anhedonia and if it got better/got away?

greetings

[Smartsauce]

Having no joy in my life I find myself not having a reason to wake up in the morning.

[Kingfisher86]

@Smartsauce I did experience anhedonia to some degree, but I didn’t have a name for it then. I just know that all the things I loved to do were a burden then because I did not enjoy them anymore. It went away! I read that is very common for WD and recovery. You are for sure not alone! 

My biggest problem was overwhelming fear, I was so scared out of my mind that any other symptom was in the shadow. 

Recovery can take some time. It takes courage🦁and patience.You can do this! 

I personally needed to accept that things will be hard for some time but my brain will heal. I stopped my medication August 1st last year, and I have seen great improvement till now. 

 

[Kingfisher86]

1 hour ago, Smartsauce said:

Having no joy in my life I find myself not having a reason to wake up in the morning.

@Smartsauce I feel the same for a different reason, so I kinda know where are you coming from. I still struggle with it but so much less as recovery time passed by. 

[Smartsauce]

is wellbutrin a good counter for the lack of dopamine caused by antipsychotics? dno if this is appropriate to ask but im really interested and cant contact my doctor atm

[Smartsauce]

Is there anyone out there that got hit by this massive boredom after they quit their medicine? I know I had a little bit of what im feeling before i tapered but now I feel like it is worse.

Im wondering if anyone went through this and if their boredom got better with time? Its like in my free time i cannot enjoy myself anymore, its quite upseting feeling.

[Janece]

Smart sauce,  just hold on , itll all get better with time but you gotta be strong and stay positive, and know that this is a process. It will get better and you will be back to normal , and the times when you want to feel sad about how long it might take just redirect your focus on how far you've come. Looking at how long it will take is defeating but when you focus on how far you've come it keeps you going , and reinforces your motivation to keep going . So hang in there hun,  I'm having to do the same. You are not alone 

 

[saeed]

Hi,

 

hung on in there buddy, it’s the same I felt when I quit the shot in the beginning it’s temporarily and will get better in time. 
You will feel better gradually the intense feeling will get softer with time don’t give up. Distract yourself by any entertainment you have even forcing yourself to do so it’s time gaming and you need to make this time pass with less worries and fears.

You’re not alone in this we all have the withdrawals attack in deferent forms and patterns. 
 

stay strong and calm. 
 

[manymoretodays]

On 2/6/2021 at 3:45 PM, Smartsauce said:

is wellbutrin a good counter for the lack of dopamine caused by antipsychotics? dno if this is appropriate to ask but im really interested and cant contact my doctor atm

 

Hi smartsauce,

And I'd say....nope, on the Wellbutrin.

Look at the Brain Remodeling topic, if you haven't.

And I don't for sure that what you are feeling is due to a lack of any specific neuro-chemical, or neurotransmitter.  I think that most of the drugs, will effect all of the neurotransmitters, eventually......as the drug throws off the normal balance of one, others readapt and change as well, as do the receptors.

I don't know if that makes sense, but that's my take.

I don't really think you'll get anything more than, possibly temporary relief, if you got that, from another drug now.......and then you'd also get another drug dependency after a short usage of it.

 

Sure, you can ask, but we're not really a site for drug shoppers, or folks that want to make all kinds of drug comparisons, as to what to take next.

 

On 2/9/2021 at 3:03 PM, Smartsauce said:

Is there anyone out there that got hit by this massive boredom after they quit their medicine? I know I had a little bit of what im feeling before i tapered but now I feel like it is worse.

Im wondering if anyone went through this and if their boredom got better with time? Its like in my free time i cannot enjoy myself anymore, its quite upseting feeling.

 

I think you might be describing:  Apathy, anedonia, emotional numbness, emotional anesthesia

And yes, it does get better.  And it is hard to go through.  Do you have some people you can talk to from time to time, around what you are going through now?  Sometimes, some of it leads to loneliness too.

I think when I had it, I might have once in awhile just did, what I had to do.......to get some sense of accomplishment going.  And that maybe helped, even though I could have cared less about anything.  Once in awhile I did enjoy again too......I mean with music, or arts of any kind......just trying, or listening, and then I'd feel a bit of something.

 

And hey here's one for you to look at, that might work better than any new drugs:

Music therapy/music for wellness and healing

 

And best, Smartsauce,

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

Edited February 13, 2021 by manymoretodays
grammar

[Smartsauce]

On 2/13/2021 at 8:36 PM, manymoretodays said:

 

Hi smartsauce,

And I'd say....nope, on the Wellbutrin.

Look at the Brain Remodeling topic, if you haven't.

And I don't for sure that what you are feeling is due to a lack of any specific neuro-chemical, or neurotransmitter.  I think that most of the drugs, will effect all of the neurotransmitters, eventually......as the drug throws off the normal balance of one, others readapt and change as well, as do the receptors.

I don't know if that makes sense, but that's my take.

I don't really think you'll get anything more than, possibly temporary relief, if you got that, from another drug now.......and then you'd also get another drug dependency after a short usage of it.

 

Sure, you can ask, but we're not really a site for drug shoppers, or folks that want to make all kinds of drug comparisons, as to what to take next.

 

 

I think you might be describing:  Apathy, anedonia, emotional numbness, emotional anesthesia

And yes, it does get better.  And it is hard to go through.  Do you have some people you can talk to from time to time, around what you are going through now?  Sometimes, some of it leads to loneliness too.

I think when I had it, I might have once in awhile just did, what I had to do.......to get some sense of accomplishment going.  And that maybe helped, even though I could have cared less about anything.  Once in awhile I did enjoy again too......I mean with music, or arts of any kind......just trying, or listening, and then I'd feel a bit of something.

 

And hey here's one for you to look at, that might work better than any new drugs:

Music therapy/music for wellness and healing

 

And best, Smartsauce,

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

Has your anhedonia gotten better? I feel like I wake up and im bored from start to finish whole day long, i have nothing that enjoys me anymore and it makes me so restless and a little bit irritated too i think.

I just sit at my pc shaking my leg out of nervousness and I just cant enjoy myself at my pc. I feel my quality of life has been lowered so much and I dont know if time will fix it. Im actually having really dark thoughts because of it.

[Smartsauce]

I just cant keep living like this 😢 i really wish the old me from atleast 1 year back

[saeed]

Hi Smartsauce,

 

Please take it easy on yourself, it’s withdrawals symptoms will fade away soon.

I had ruff days in the beginning then things got better with time.  

 

 

[manymoretodays]

Hi Smartsauce,

 

3 hours ago, Smartsauce said:

Has your anhedonia gotten better? I feel like I wake up and im bored from start to finish whole day long, i have nothing that enjoys me anymore and it makes me so restless and a little bit irritated too i think.

I just sit at my pc shaking my leg out of nervousness and I just cant enjoy myself at my pc. I feel my quality of life has been lowered so much and I dont know if time will fix it. Im actually having really dark thoughts because of it.

And oh yes.  My anhedonia, I mean true anhedonia is history.  Gone.

I've been completely off the drugs for a long time though now.  Over 4 years.  I have to do this little thing when I get out of bed each morning though.  And it helps.  I'm not much of a morning person.  Don't get me wrong.  I like getting up early a lot now.  But my brain is initially a bit depressed still from sleep, or goes to negativity, or feels overwhelmed first thing......I don't know. 

I sit up, I put one foot down and say "Thank you".  Then I put another foot down on the floor and say "For Today".  That helps me shift into more helpful brain.  And then I shuffle on into the kitchen and have a cup of morning Joe, or coffee.  I never completely cut that out, just have to watch it.  That I don't overdo on caffiene.

Look for Windows.  I'm guessing you've had some.

Oh, and I had dark waves too.  Who knows, I might have another.  I don't think I will though.  I just had to live through them.

Thoughts will come and go, my friend.  And your "old me" is in there.  You'll feel more connnected.

Time WILL fix it. 

 

What's it like in Belgium?   I have no idea.  All I can think of are these waffles, that are called "Belgium waffles".  They are good, quite yummy.  Must have come from Belgium?  

 

And keep posting Smartsauce.  Do you write at all?  Off line stuff?  Or have you traveled to the Off Topic or Finding Meaning sub forums yet?

 

It'll get better.

 

How long were you on the Effexor?

 

And best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

[Smartsauce]

18 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi Smartsauce,

 

And oh yes.  My anhedonia, I mean true anhedonia is history.  Gone.

I've been completely off the drugs for a long time though now.  Over 4 years.  I have to do this little thing when I get out of bed each morning though.  And it helps.  I'm not much of a morning person.  Don't get me wrong.  I like getting up early a lot now.  But my brain is initially a bit depressed still from sleep, or goes to negativity, or feels overwhelmed first thing......I don't know. 

I sit up, I put one foot down and say "Thank you".  Then I put another foot down on the floor and say "For Today".  That helps me shift into more helpful brain.  And then I shuffle on into the kitchen and have a cup of morning Joe, or coffee.  I never completely cut that out, just have to watch it.  That I don't overdo on caffiene.

Look for Windows.  I'm guessing you've had some.

Oh, and I had dark waves too.  Who knows, I might have another.  I don't think I will though.  I just had to live through them.

Thoughts will come and go, my friend.  And your "old me" is in there.  You'll feel more connnected.

Time WILL fix it. 

 

What's it like in Belgium?   I have no idea.  All I can think of are these waffles, that are called "Belgium waffles".  They are good, quite yummy.  Must have come from Belgium?  

 

And keep posting Smartsauce.  Do you write at all?  Off line stuff?  Or have you traveled to the Off Topic or Finding Meaning sub forums yet?

 

It'll get better.

 

How long were you on the Effexor?

 

And best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

Thanks for saying it got better with time, I really still have alot of trouble accepting that may be the truth. That things will get better... 

Im kind of a pessimist so that makes it harder to cope. Im having issues coping tbh and I dont know if i should start working again to pass the time better or if I could not handle working atm.

I think I did have windows already yes I cherish those moments.

 

I just have this inner restlessness i want to cry, sometimes I dont see a way out except the only way out which is kinda final desicion that I dont wanna do yet.

 

Thanks everybody for the positive messages, I try my best to hold on

[Smartsauce]

I didnt taper properly of trevicta(invega antipsychotic) i went from 500mg to 400mg and then cold turkey'd.

Things is i have this sense of restlessness over me, like i cannot really relax and i asked my psychiatrist about it but he said i have to go back on the medicine and for good he says but he is a stupid psychiatrist cuz he thinks im pshychotic while im not.

Also while on the medicine i had anxiety attacks and those i no longer experience. But my pshychiatrist said I will get sicker and sicker since the stuff is still in my body. I dont know if i can trust him cuz he clearly doesnt wanna help me taper off normally, he wants me take to the drugs for good.

When he said the stuff will make me sicker it got me a bit worried but im gonna go see a 2nd opinion soon. The antipsyhotic will have half lifes that will stay in my body for over a year so im not sure what to believe.

 

What do you guys think? Should i stay off the antipsyhotic? My last dose was meant for 1 jan but i have been clean since then. The only negative side i have is a sense of restlessness but maybe that goes away with time? Im a bit worried it would get worse

 

Cheers

[Smartsauce]

will this anhedonic feeling go away? Everyday is so hard to fill time and not be bored and irritated. I feel like doing bad things to myself because of the disinterest i have in life now. Will it go away? Its been only 2 months now.... I have many months left to go?

I was thinking going back on my meds and maybe that will help  but i dno maybe i have to be strong and not do it.

[saeed]

Hi Smartsauce,

 

I feel you been there and passed this misery lately. It’s a withdrawal this is normal of how feeling, and am sure you will pass this experience and if this is your decision to quit the shot you gotta hold on strong and try to keep yourself with things I know there’re not enjoyable and do not get your attention and might make you feel better but as distraction they’re great distraction to get you out of withdrawal circus,

It reminded me when I was thinking going back to the the shot When I was very down almost collapses if this is going to be forever, I had to say no even the dr was insisting to take other medication to not relapse. 
I am almost 5 months off and every month pass I feel I am better the months before. 
not takes time by wrest will from you by not wanting to a dead fish again and discover your great ability to raise your soul against those awful withdrawals and to discover your strength you have to come over them. 
 

I was In a Monthly shot and couldn’t stay long 5 months but I decided to get off by my will and my strong believe In myself to come over the painful withdrawals and I did it I start experiencing nice windows and big pair I’ve changes in my ability to function better and less anedonia and less akasithia, enjoyment on movies getting better and conversation ability as well.

don’t give up, but remember no one can predict any future withdrawals, this is a reminder to your decision if you we’re thinking to taper or continue to not taking the medicine. 
 

please feel free to ask any questions. 

 

 

 

[manymoretodays]

On 3/1/2021 at 7:56 AM, Smartsauce said:

will this anhedonic feeling go away? Everyday is so hard to fill time and not be bored and irritated. I feel like doing bad things to myself because of the disinterest i have in life now. Will it go away? Its been only 2 months now.... I have many months left to go?

I was thinking going back on my meds and maybe that will help  but i dno maybe i have to be strong and not do it.

 

It will go away Smartsauce.  You don't necessarily have to be a big Strong HeMan type right now.

Don't do bad things to your recovery of self.  Irritated is hard to get through.  Bored, is well........boring.

 

I wouldn't get too caught up in thinking about your dopamine right now.  After all you were on Effexor too.  Your receptors and transmitters are all trying hard to readapt right now.

 

You didn't say much about your Effexor when you arrived?  When did you last take a dose of Effexor?

How long since you've been off of it?

I'm guessing 2- 3 months now, but it's not clear to me.

 

Here is the topic on reinstatement:  About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

The idea of reinstatement is not to just start taking a drug, at a dose anything like you were on before though.  You'll see, as you read through that topic.

 

And......reinstatement, is best done right when WD symptoms set in. 

It's kind of a crapshoot, excuse my language, at this point

And you'd have to be able to get just a really small dose, from the standard packaged dosages of Effexor, to try it.

 

Do you have a doctor that might be sympathetic to just trying you on a 1 mg reinstatement of Effexor?

 

If it was me, or I was you, I might just go with patience and time now.  If you are not under self induced pressure, or pressure from others to just suddenly achieve or something right now.......be grateful for that.  I mean don't be a complete couch potato, or lay about if you can help it.  But just relax and let yourself heal now, if you can.  Pursue something, anything of interest.  Try a PT job, if you are not working now, or even volunteer somewhere.  You can just tell people you are recovering from some adverse drug reactions or something.  Tell them whatever you wish.

 

What have you got going for non-drug coping right now?

Non-drug coping

Symptoms and Self Care

 

Finding Meaning

 

Do you feel like your symptoms are otherwise unmanageable?

 

That you can name your symptoms is great:  anhedonia, boredom, paranoia, feeling like you want to do something to yourself, etc.  Just naming them, and remaining impartial to them is great.

Is there anyone who you can trust to help you find healthy ways to cope?  Who won't freak out on you and tell you that you need help?  Anyone really, without a prescription pad, and who know how to listen real well.  Sometimes a therapist, sometimes just another who has been through the system.  And sometimes self help is also great.  Things like CBT or DBT.  Meditation, prayer.  Guided meditations can be good.

I'll direct you to Mooji:  Start by Saying Thank You:

 

 

2 months.  Not long, no, not really after 10 years of medications/drugs.  I don't know how many months you have to go, until you feel yourself beginning to come back Smartsauce.  If you can remember that self of 20 years old, or younger right now. 

And Yoga, or any movement/body focused experiences can be helful too.  You'll see so many things listed in the indexes in topics in Symptoms and Self Care.

These don't have to become your new Religion either, or anything like that.  Just things that may help from a spiritual or body focus.

See what you think of these explanations for what is going on now:
What is happening in your brain?

"The domino effect of neurotransmitter dysregulation she describes here regarding GABA and glutamate also applies generally to all the other neurotransmitters affected by psychiatric drugs. They are all necessary, working in harmony, like an orchestra. Dysregulate one, and the others tend to get dysregulated, too."

You might like this explanation ^, in the link, though Smartsauce.

 

And then the trellis and plant analogy is here:

How psychiatric drugs remodel your brain

 

And okay.  I too, was surprised that what I thought would be a few months of Recovery and Healing, turned out to realistically be several years.  They were NOT all completely incapacitated years though for me, or completely non-productive years.  I had a lot of Waves and some just fine Windows along the way.  It is truly best if you can live a life, while healing and recovering.  And that I did, and am doing my darndest to keep doing.

 

You are younger too, that is great, and maybe in your favor.  I mean who really knows with this stuff.  It's a great time for you to develop character, and figure out just who you might like to be, or how you would like to be, or what you might do with your life going forward now.

You do have time!

We all do, really.

 

And best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited March 4, 2021 by manymoretodays
Mooji and more :-)

[Smartsauce]

I appreciate everyone's comments, i always read them and they help me too. Also I appreciate the kindness behind the messages to try and calm me down and help me.

So for that thank you very much. I think Im having a huge window. Im suddenly less bored and more able to keep myself busy. And as simple as it may sound to someone, the other day I WANTED to play a game and this made me really happy. It made my life less miserable and more enjoyable.

So i think i am recovering slowly and im grateful for this moment. I think slowly Im returning to my normal self. Maybe the hardest part is over now, who knows, i hope so it is.

 

Thank you guys and god bless

[wantrelief]

3 hours ago, Smartsauce said:

I think Im having a huge window. Im suddenly less bored and more able to keep myself busy. And as simple as it may sound to someone, the other day I WANTED to play a game and this made me really happy

This is great to hear, Smartsauce!  I totally relate as I've struggled with severe demotivation/apathy/anhedonia for a long time and just recently have seen cracks in those symptoms and it is a wonderful feeling to actually want to do something!  Enjoy!  

[saeed]

11 hours ago, Smartsauce said:

I appreciate everyone's comments, i always read them and they help me too. Also I appreciate the kindness behind the messages to try and calm me down and help me.

So for that thank you very much. I think Im having a huge window. Im suddenly less bored and more able to keep myself busy. And as simple as it may sound to someone, the other day I WANTED to play a game and this made me really happy. It made my life less miserable and more enjoyable.

So i think i am recovering slowly and im grateful for this moment. I think slowly Im returning to my normal self. Maybe the hardest part is over now, who knows, i hope so it is.

 

Thank you guys and god bless

Hi Smartsauce,

 

I am happy to hear that, keep it up you will have more positive feeling dawn the road.

 

 

 

[Smartsauce]

My life is so grey, I find almost no pleasure in anything, I feel like this life doesnt have much to offer and i am here for no reason. It makes me suicidal a times.

I feel unstable and im thinking of starting effexor again, i dont really know why but somehow i think maybe things will get better? Is this thought wrong? I dont know but i guess that is being desperate.

I have these morning depressions where i go to bed at midnight and i stay in my bed till 2 or 3 pm and this cycle repeats every day.

 

Im just tired of life, of everyday routine, of this boring life. What to do? Be hopeful and keep going? that seems like such a drag.

Do you think things can potentially become better on Effexor? Im hopeless at times

 

edit: im jobless atm, do you think i should get a job asap? Would this overall help me? Sometimes i think things would be better but on the other hand im not in the mood for it.

[saeed]

1 hour ago, Smartsauce said:

My life is so grey, I find almost no pleasure in anything, I feel like this life doesnt have much to offer and i am here for no reason. It makes me suicidal a times.

I feel unstable and im thinking of starting effexor again, i dont really know why but somehow i think maybe things will get better? Is this thought wrong? I dont know but i guess that is being desperate.

I have these morning depressions where i go to bed at midnight and i stay in my bed till 2 or 3 pm and this cycle repeats every day.

 

Im just tired of life, of everyday routine, of this boring life. What to do? Be hopeful and keep going? that seems like such a drag.

Do you think things can potentially become better on Effexor? Im hopeless at times

 

edit: im jobless atm, do you think i should get a job asap? Would this overall help me? Sometimes i think things would be better but on the other hand im not in the mood for it.

Hi Smartsauce, 

 

sorry to hear about your feelings, it’s tough time and needs strength and patience.

I am in the same boat as you, I am feeling the same, I am running in the same cycle with no emotions and pleasure at anything. My family and friends gave up on me barely talking to anyone.

 

don’t give up it’s withdrawals, remember that it’s not forever, in order to pass this we need to be strong.

I am fighting every single moment to survive and pass this misery and live like every single person is living.

 

I am not in the best shape to tell you what to do but I am facing the same withdrawals you’re facing it’s not easy but we can win.  
 

I was almost taking the AD to feel better, but I know my hole problem started when start taking them years ago. It’s a torture and we are victims but no one would feel what we are facing instead pushing more poison to us. 

I hope you feel better soon, feel free to talk at anytime.

 

take care.

[Smartsauce]

20 minutes ago, saeed said:

Hi Smartsauce, 

 

sorry to hear about your feelings, it’s tough time and needs strength and patience.

I am in the same boat as you, I am feeling the same, I am running in the same cycle with no emotions and pleasure at anything. My family and friends gave up on me barely talking to anyone.

 

don’t give up it’s withdrawals, remember that it’s not forever, in order to pass this we need to be strong.

I am fighting every single moment to survive and pass this misery and live like every single person is living.

 

I am not in the best shape to tell you what to do but I am facing the same withdrawals you’re facing it’s not easy but we can win.  
 

I was almost taking the AD to feel better, but I know my hole problem started when start taking them years ago. It’s a torture and we are victims but no one would feel what we are facing instead pushing more poison to us. 

I hope you feel better soon, feel free to talk at anytime.

 

take care.

I think anti psychotics destroyed me and so i will never take those again but i think i can still take anti depressants because it feels like i cant handle life without them. Maybe its better to be on a pill if i atleast feel better.

And i think i need work for the cause of a better routine. Cause my routine is depressing. I wake up at 3 pm and then i shower and take a bath and lay in there for another hour and then my day starts and i go for a walk with my dog and sometimes a swim. I dno it feels depressing

[saeed]

1 hour ago, Smartsauce said:

I think anti psychotics destroyed me and so i will never take those again but i think i can still take anti depressants because it feels like i cant handle life without them. Maybe its better to be on a pill if i atleast feel better.

And i think i need work for the cause of a better routine. Cause my routine is depressing. I wake up at 3 pm and then i shower and take a bath and lay in there for another hour and then my day starts and i go for a walk with my dog and sometimes a swim. I dno it feels depressing

I am not sure what you should do, it’s your decision if you wanted.

about myself I am still having medications needs to be tapered.

about fixing schedule for daily routine, I go to work for half day and contact with people at workplace it’s stressing but I have to and weekend I go out.

I still not enjoying activities but I have to break the isolation I am living in it. 
 

 

[Smartsauce]

Anyone else have had that their passion vanished? Several times I quit antidepressants and everytime I weaned off them I felt a sudden disinterest in my favorite hobby (gaming).

It used to be the first thing I did when id wake up and now I have to force myself to play a game and I dont enjoy it as much.

It feels like my life is grayer now and less lifely. Because all things of entertainment kind of bore me and are not so enjoyable anymore. And I cant laugh as much anymore, sometimes I just cant laugh at all even when something funny happens.

 

Iv quit my antidepressants since December 2020 but this is how my life is now and Im kinda hopeless and I think I ll try to be on anti depressants again to see if things can improve again. Cause my psychologist says Im depressed so maybe I do need those pills.

 

What do you guys think? Do you think I should NOT take those pills for any reasons? I just want a better life again. I really miss my old life from a year ago where I still had some interest in my hobby.

[Smartsauce]

Is it part of growing up or is it because of medication that i am so bored now?

I did notice when I swapped around with antidepressants and also quit them eventually that my interest suddenly was disappeared so I do think it

has to do with the meds. Anyone with experience going back on antidepressants and gaining back their interests in life?

 

Greetings