Naomi007: needing support- reaching out

[Naomi007]

thank you again or the support and links

 

 

[Naomi007]

Hello, a quick update

 

I made it to 0.95mg olanzapine for 5 weeks and was doing pretty well for a few weeks in August and September

 

I crashed pretty bad end of September,  severe anxiety, severe OCD racing thoughts and feeling like I couldn't cope anymore, bad sleep again, waking up at 4am racing thoughts fear.  This was lasting approx 3 weeks.

 

Covid is still really intense where I live and I am extremely isolated.  

I am also going through perimenopause and my period is all over the place which I know is contributing to my symptoms

 

I decided to updose Olanzapine 2.5 mg - 1.5 weeks ago,  sleep is much better, but the crazy thoughts continue, fear fear fear

I still think I'm going insane

My mind doesn't even make sense at times

The evening I always feel more normal and settled, but daytimes are horrific

I can't win either way, staying on lowered dose or updosing they are both not good

I felt so good before, It is so frustrating to fall so far back again

I am almost 1 year off everything - except olanzapine,  I thought by now I would feel so much better

Scared for my mind that I might snap one day

 

Thank you again

 

[Greatful]

@Naomi007

Hi Naomi007,  

I wonder if you up dosed to much.  They mods will be able to help you with this.  Do you know how to tag someone?  @ then type the name of the person you want and click on it, it will highlight like yours did here.  This will tag them  and then will get back to you.

I see that you worked with Shep so you could try her or else Altostrata  is also good at helping with meds.  There are others too, so just tag them.

 

On 10/20/2021 at 1:51 PM, Naomi007 said:

but the crazy thoughts continue, fear fear fear

I still think I'm going insane

This is very common in WD.  I struggle with obsessing thoughts and fear, panic, anxiety, depression, rumination.  It can get overwhelming at times I know.  I found some help on the Symptoms & Self-Care forum.  It was comforting to read that other people were experiencing some of the same crazy W/D symptoms.  I was not alone.

I am sorry that anyone has to go through this.  

Reach out and find someone to connect with here on SA.  We care and want to help in anyway we can.

Hang in there

[Shep]

On 10/20/2021 at 2:51 PM, Naomi007 said:

I decided to updose Olanzapine 2.5 mg - 1.5 weeks ago,  sleep is much better, but the crazy thoughts continue, fear fear fear

 

Naomi, Greatful makes a good point - this is a large updose, probably too high. Going from .95 mg to 2.5 mg is a massive increase. 

 

On 10/20/2021 at 2:51 PM, Naomi007 said:

I crashed pretty bad end of September,  severe anxiety, severe OCD racing thoughts and feeling like I couldn't cope anymore, bad sleep again, waking up at 4am racing thoughts fear.  This was lasting approx 3 weeks.

 

I'm also wondering if some of this may be coming from reinstating Adrenosense in August:

 

On 8/4/2021 at 3:10 PM, Naomi007 said:

I have been using Adrenosense supplement 1/4 - 1/2 capsule the last few months off and on with some success

Felt like it was helping my mood and adrenaline surges

 

Lately after not taking it for 5 days

I tried again

Heart racing, shaking inside, revved up feelings, not sleeping good, feel scared that I am giving myself akathisia from this

But WHY now,  I never noticed it before

 

Are you still taking this? Please update your signature to reflect your current doses for drugs and supplements.

 

Since you've only been at 2.5 mg Olanzapine for 1.5 weeks, you may want to decrease down to 1 mg or 1.5 mg and see how you feel. 

 

[Naomi007]

oh my goodness, i totally screwed up the dose,  it should have read 0.25mg

 

So now I am on 0.97.5mg of olanzapine

 

sorry my mind is so dull and foggy these days

 

Thank  you again for all the support

 

I have to keep reminding myself that my mind is coming through so much and this covid time, it really tough

 

 

[hayduke]

Hi @Naomi007, sorry I missed your thread till now.

 

Until you feel reasonably grounded and functional there's no sense in trying to reduce the amount, as it will just make things worse and tempt you to updose which you can see isn't a ticket to a good time either.  A rock and a hard place, I know.

 

Are you taking fish oil or another omega 3 rich supplement like hemp protein powder?  This is usually a big help for most people.

 

Long soaks in epsom salts baths are a great way to take magnesium in most days.  I find the combination of these two supplements extremely calming and restorative....give em a go if you haven't yet.

 

Cheers

 

[Naomi007]

thank you Hayduke

 

I see you are familiar with olanzapine,  

Congratulations you have done so well,  so inspired to see

Thank you for the advice,  I am holding and feel so disappointed that I can't reduce more

 

I haven't tried fish oil yet,  very reactive to most things, but will give it a try

 

and epsom salts baths,  have tried a few, will keep going.

 

Thank you

 

 

 

[hayduke]

Nothing teaches patience like this caper 🙂

 

Holding may seem frustrating, but you're on a very low dose, and with good self care, more stability and comfort should follow.  

 

Then you'll be able to step down gradually with less bother.

 

Epsom salts are great, my body seems to hoover up all the magnesium I can feed it.  It helps restore your nervous system's electrochemical balance, good in the evenings where I find it improves my sleep.  Omega 3 I find dispels a restless fussy sort of anxiety quite effectively even if it takes half a day to kick in sometimes.

 

Any healthy sort of comfort you can find is helpful..a pizza or two a month is healthy, right?  

[Shep]

On 10/28/2021 at 3:31 PM, Naomi007 said:

I haven't tried fish oil yet,  very reactive to most things, but will give it a try

 

Do you like fish? If you find you're sensitive to fish oil, eating fish several times a week can help you get the omegas without taking a supplement. 

 

 

[Naomi007]

Hello again

 

I am now just over 1 year off everything, except Olanzapine

I have no clue around the 11 month mark, all hell broke loose than ever before. Feels like I was right back at the beginning which I cannot understand?

 

I stayed 3 weeks on 0.97.5 mg and felt horrific

 

Then at the end of October I upped to 1mg., this is the original dose that I was on November 2020,  I still don't feel great

 

I have had some good windows and stable moments on this dose through the year

 

With the increase the racing thoughts and fear of thoughts has gotten Better, some improvement, but the  Panic, Terror, Dread, Doom, insomnia are pretty bad, diarrhoea every day( I have Crohns) but worse than usual.

 

Sucidal ideation every day, extreme moods, Hormonally struggling with PMDD and Perimenopause

My doctor has given a prescription for Cloindine 0.1mg/ ml for sleep and anxiety, I have never tried a blood pressure medicine before

I have low blood pressure already, but pretty desperate to see if it would take the edge off Anxiety

 

I have tried paediatric Gravol 2x in the last 3 weeks for sleep,  one time it worked great, slept 3 hours, next time, not so lucky, but feel a little less anxious in daytime after dose

 

I constantly think about the hospital and what they will do to me if I go in, fearing the worse

I play this over and over in my mind

Thank you so much

 

 

 

[Greatful]

@Naomi007

Sounds like a great big wave maybe.

How are you doing?

Do you know how to tag anyone?  If you hit the @ button and start to type the name it will show up, click on it and it will highlight like @Naomi007  this will  notify them that you want to talk to them.

Hang in there.❤️

[hayduke]

Sorry to hear you are in such discomfort @Naomi007

 

I'm making an edit here since I don't think updosing is going to help you, as you've always been on a very small dose. 

 

I would continue to hold and ride out the symptoms with as much self care as you can muster.

 

You're the first person I've come across to be prescribed 1mg of olanzapine.  As far as I'm aware the smallest tablet size they sell is 2.5mg.

 

What form are you taking it in?

Edited November 23, 2021 by hayduke
Revise suggestions to suit low dosage history

[hayduke]

If you can find Magnesium Chloride (MgCL) it's like Epsom salts but even better.

 

I would be taking a long soak with 150-350g of either of those every day with the symptoms you report.  I have found it very calming during tapering.

[Naomi007]

Hello

 

I am getting a speciality pharmacy to make 1 mg capsules

 

I have never been on Olanzapine till 2020, it was given to me for sleep

It really isn't helping much

I am still plagued with severe anxiety, feel of thoughts, feel of my mind

I am extremely sensitive to everything, so have been terrified to tried supplements and vitamins

I have tried epsom salt baths and haven't noticed a huge difference yet.

I am still fearing that I will need hospitalization , can't seem to get out of my mind and fearing 

I have never had anything like this happen.

What surprises me the most is I am worse know than before,  it is already over a year

Can't figure out if I am still suffering from the withdrawal of all the other meds or I am reacting to the Olanzapine.

I feel so horrible everyday

 

Thank you

 

 

[Greatful]

 

@Naomi007I feel your pain.  The mess these drugs put us in.  No one should have to go through this.

I can't advise on the meds, but you are not alone in this struggle.

I have a weighted blanket I drag around the house with  me to sit/lay under.  The weight helps to calm you

Here is a link about them plus this web site has a lot of information it

https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/coping/weighted-blanket

Keep taking the  mag. baths, they might be helping more then you think and it will give you something to do.

I also have a diffuser that I put lavender essential oils in that helps too. You can make  made a mixer of lavender and oil carrier ( I use coconut oil) to rub on.

When was your last window, even a small one?

 

 

 

 

[hayduke]

Weighted blankets are great, there's one at my therapist's.  Not cheap but I would like one eventually.

 

Linking you back to @getofflex' earlier post with some great threads for you

 

Ways to Cope with Daily Anxiety

Meditation for Stressed Nervous System 

Fear, Terror, Panic, Anxiety 

Repetitive Intrusive Thoughts

 

There are many good coping techniques to help with the withdrawal symptoms.  

Non Drug Coping Skills

 

from https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24429-naomi007-needing-support-reaching-out/?do=findComment&comment=525962

 

 

[Naomi007]

thank you again, for the ideas

 

yes I have a weighted blanket from my deceased daughter,  I just recently brought it out to try

 

I just had a Mag/ Choride bath right now,  I will watch to see if I notice anything

 

I had a big window on Saturday around 4 hours,  felt really normal, not scared of self, went for a walk with husband

 

I am sleeping a bit better I notice to

 

Just holding on at 1 mg Olanzapine, praying for better and better days

 

Thanks so much again

 

Hope everyone is doing well out there, staying safe

 

Naomi

[Greatful]

What a nice reminder that you are healing.  A 4 hour window, feeling normal😊

 

 

 

[Naomi007]

Hello again

 

After not doing good for months and months

 

I made a change

 

instead of 1mg at night - I divided dose

 

0.25mg in Am and 0.75 in Pm Olanzapine

I felt so good for 2 weeks with terrible internal shakes, but mentally soooooooo good

Then all hell broke loose again

Now  severe intrusive OCD thoughts, looping constantly, fear at nothing, just looking at something with no meaning, can scare me

I sometimes have weird visual hallucinations when I close my eyes

I really think I am going MAD

 

It's been 5 weeks since I made this change

I am seriously considering trying an old tryicllic antidepressant  Anafranil low dose  - 1mg) to see if I can finally feel more normal in any way( I used to take anafranil a few decades ago low dose and it helped tremendously with my OCD at the time.

I think constantly about being hospitalized.

 

Thank you

Can I tag an Admin for support

 

 

[Shep]

13 hours ago, Naomi007 said:

I am seriously considering trying an old tryicllic antidepressant  Anafranil low dose  - 1mg) to see if I can finally feel more normal in any way( I used to take anafranil a few decades ago low dose and it helped tremendously with my OCD at the time.

 

We don't recommend adding in other psychiatric drugs to fix withdrawal. It usually destabilizes and complicates the taper. 

 

13 hours ago, Naomi007 said:

instead of 1mg at night - I divided dose

 

0.25mg in Am and 0.75 in Pm Olanzapine

I felt so good for 2 weeks with terrible internal shakes, but mentally soooooooo good

 

How did you divide your dose? Did you do an abrupt move or did you slowly move your dose over a number of days? If it was an abrupt change, that may have rattled your nervous system and it may take awhile to sort out. 

 

Are you able to sleep with the decreased dose at night? 

[Naomi007]

Hi Shep

 

Yes, I did a straight switch with a compounded capsule,  0.25mg Am /  0.75mg in Pm

 

The last week not sleeping good, waking really early with surges of panic and fear of thoughts

 

I think I am experiencing Depersonalization and Derealization.  Feel like I am detached from myself,  I had this at the beginning of my withdraw Nov 2020

 

I can look at almost anything  and get panic and fear for no reason.  Is this common?

So disheartened what I did and how bad I feel again

 

Should I switch back to 1mg at night again,  or wait more time to see if things settle a bit?

My instinct is telling me to wait and hold again

 

Will this ever get better????

 

I am almost 15 months off everything except Olanzapine

 

 

 

Thank you 

 

 

[Greatful]

@Naomi007

Hang in there.  This is a hard fight but you will win.....I've been at it about the same amount of time..........The good thing is you are 15 months closer to healing......I am glad I am not starting out.  We have a plan, support and way more knowledge about these drugs the before.

 

Remember you are not alone.  Keep reaching out😊

[hayduke]

@Naomi007 Sorry to hear you're still in discomfort.

 

I found a sympathetic clinical psychologist invaluable for helping me overcome anxiety.

There is a lot of mileage in the links we have posted, but if you can find a counsellor you have a rapport with, you might get a lot more comfort.

 

Also for many people, yoga is very beneficial for these sorts of challenges.

[Shep]

On 1/26/2022 at 1:42 PM, Naomi007 said:

Yes, I did a straight switch with a compounded capsule,  0.25mg Am /  0.75mg in Pm

 

The last week not sleeping good, waking really early with surges of panic and fear of thoughts

 

 

The abrupt switch may have traumatized your nervous system or you may need the higher dose to sleep. It's really hard to say. 

 

 Did anything else change, such as in the way of supplements? Are you still taking 3 mg melatonin (listed in your signature) and are you still taking Adrenosense? 

[Naomi007]

Hi again

 

I haven't been able to find a counsellor here that can offer anxiety support

 

I am really open to suggestions,  I don't mind Zooming if they are not in Canada???????

 

Shep-  I have not changed anything, everything else is the same,  adrenosense and melatonin still taking, the same amounts

 

Is it possible I will go insane at some point?

I have constant thoughts that scare me,  extremely intrusive and fearful.  Sometimes the thoughts are not scary, but I still feel scared of  the thought

My mind continues to harm me and I can't seem to figure out how to calm it.

Is there a consultative service I can pay to get extra support with the olanzapine struggle

 

Thank you

[Greatful]

@Naomi007

Have you ever check out Therapy in a Nut shell on youtube....She is a therapist that puts on free video's.

https://www.youtube.com/c/TherapyinaNutshell.  I think you might find them to be helpful.  I do.

 

No you will not go insane.......these are just thoughts, yes they can seem real and scary but they cannot hurt you....

Hang in there naomi❤️

 

[Naomi007]

Hi,  Im back again

 

Its been awhile,  I had a few good weeks and felt better, no idea why I felt better, but was functioning a bit 

 

approx 3 weeks ago,  I took 1/4 capsule of NAC, had read it could help with my OCD, intrusive thoughts

 

I have never felt worse since then

The anxiety, fear, intrusive thoughts are soooooo bad

I have felt so sucicdal.  I get scared by noises in the house, looking at nothing in particular, my cats, etc.,

I can't believe this is happening to me

I feel a great urge to go hospital and give up.  It is now 17 months since the initial cold turkey

I also have noticed I obsess lots about friendships,  wondering if my friends are my friends, if they don't respond to my texts, I feel devastated

everything is so extreme,  I have even questioned if I am developing paranoia.  Worrying no one likes me and my friends will leave me.

If anyone out there can relate and tell me I'm not going MAD.  I see images of myself locked away in a institution alone, drugged.  I feel so haunted every day.

 

Thank you so much

 

 

[morgana]

hello @Naomi007, sorry your doing it tough...i go through extreme feelings too, i panic, get angry and worry about very small things..do not know if you eat meat, but i find making sure your B vitamins are not low, i find when i take B vitamins in the morning, i find my mood is more stable, less irritated, angry and upset, also magnesium helps me to relax and not worry soo much...just thought i might let you know...check your B vitamins...wish you all the best

[Ariel]

Hi @Naomi007

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. My heart goes out to you for everything you've been through. 

 

What you describe is common in withdrawal. 

 

On 4/30/2022 at 8:16 PM, Naomi007 said:

I also have noticed I obsess lots about friendships,  wondering if my friends are my friends, if they don't respond to my texts, I feel devastated

everything is so extreme,  I have even questioned if I am developing paranoia.  Worrying no one likes me and my friends will leave me.

 

I've gone through this, too. It was especially bad the first couple of years. It's gotten better.

 

Have you seen the help topic on Neuro-emotions? For me these often get triggered in the context of social relationships, where I feel particularly vulnerable. 

 

 

And suggestions for how to cope:

 

 

[Naomi007]

Thank you so much for the support and suggestions

 

I have been injecting B12 vitamin more lately and have noticed a difference

I can't seem to tolerate the others yet

I am doing more epson salt baths lately

 

I have been having more windows, scared to jinxed it

 

So nice to know I'm not alone

 

 

[cathnz]

On 5/13/2022 at 5:48 AM, Naomi007 said:

Thank you so much for the support and suggestions

 

I have been injecting B12 vitamin more lately and have noticed a difference

I can't seem to tolerate the others yet

I am doing more epson salt baths lately

 

I have been having more windows, scared to jinxed it

 

So nice to know I'm not alone

 

 

How are you doing? 

[Naomi007]

Hi Cathnz for asking

 

I have been struggling pretty bad

 

Had a bout of hyperthyroidism and thyroiditis, which felt very similar to akathasia

Then found out I have a small kidney tumour that will probably need to be removed as they believe it is cancerous

Depression is so dark now,  aloneness, isolated, and feeling like no one really cares

Tried some Vit D and fish oil and it completely backfired

Had small successes with coconut yogurt and probiotics, but the constipation is beyond anything I have experienced before

I guess you could say its messy

But I'm still here, still breathing and making  it through the days

Praying one day life will feel better and I will find a way to feel whole again

 

Thanks again for reaching out

 

[Naomi007]

Really struggling

 

Tappered 0.02mg Zyprexa - November 2022 - compounded capsule

I'm at 0.98mg now from 1 mg

 

Feeling so horrific

 

Fear of everything,  fear of peoples faces and so forth

Never had it so bad

Please someone tell me this is normal and I won't go crazy

 

[hayduke]

6 hours ago, Naomi007 said:

Really struggling

 

Tappered 0.02mg Zyprexa - November 2022 - compounded capsule

I'm at 0.98mg now from 1 mg

 

Feeling so horrific

 

Fear of everything,  fear of peoples faces and so forth

Never had it so bad

Please someone tell me this is normal and I won't go crazy

 

 

Hi Naomi007.  I am sorry to hear that you are still struggling.  The fact that you are persisting from such a dark place speaks volumes for your strength and determination to survive and heal. 

 

I know that place of reeling at how bad it has become, and wondering what is wrong in the hearts of others that they would cause, let alone abide these things.  Several times, and no more, I have looked on the brink of taking my life, and saw how some might find it tempting.  I have never thought it would be a good idea.  There are at least three reasons I personally hold dear not to, but you may find your own.

 

Among them is determination not to give in to those forces.  I have a strong bent in my character that has learnt that once you do, it never stops.  I only really fight when forced to, and when mistaken for easy meat, you quickly learn who the psychopaths and narcissists are.  Once you realise they cannot read you that way, you have the key to defeating them and walking free.

It might take the rest of your life, it might be over in a year or two.  But once you realise they can NEVER reach the part of you they so desperately want to claim, you will always have the upper hand.

OK I hope that is a useful pep talk.

 

You probably want to updose a bit.  I might try 1.25mg for three months in your position.  Why don't you take the week off, send everyone to voicemail, have only your very best company around, choose only the calm and comforting music, tv, films and books of your choice, close the blinds, use noise cancelling headphones, bolster up your bed, couch and comfy chair and make lots of nice baths to your liking.  Eat well and if you're anything like me, easy on the grog and such.

See how you feel after that then review your plans.

Bravo, you really have some grit.  I hope your kidney things go well, make sure you call in all the support you need to get through it.

[Shep]

On 8/23/2022 at 11:26 PM, Naomi007 said:

Had a bout of hyperthyroidism and thyroiditis, which felt very similar to akathasia

Then found out I have a small kidney tumour that will probably need to be removed as they believe it is cancerous

 

Naomi, are you receiving any treatment for these other health issues? Did it involve needing other medications or surgery? 

 

Dealing with these types of health conditions can definitely make you feel worse. Please keep updating to let us know how you're doing. 

[Naomi007]

Thank you Hayduke,  I can't update as I am too senstized, but thank you for all the suggestions

 

Thanks Shep,  I am now cancer free and had surgery in October 2022, removed some of my kidney

 

and the thyroiditis has also went back to normal in September 2022

 

Nothing else has changed other than I am perimenopausal and have had some intense hot flashes the last few months

 

Feels like everything changed when I reduced 0.02mg????

 

Thanks so much