ScottishLass: hello and some help please

[ScottishLass]

@Rosetta

Thank you. I’m so sorry. X

[Altostrata]

Apology accepted. I still need to see those notes, there's no way around it. Sorry.

[Rosetta]

It’s ok.  Please don’t give up.  This is survivable — without a doubt.  You have to get to a certain point in the process and things will get easier.  Right now it’s still new, it’s horrible, and it feels impossible, but it’s not.  This level of misery doesn’t last.  Most of your healing time will feel very different - better.  Ok?

[ScottishLass]

19 hours ago, Rosetta said:

It’s ok.  Please don’t give up.  This is survivable — without a doubt.  You have to get to a certain point in the process and things will get easier.  Right now it’s still new, it’s horrible, and it feels impossible, but it’s not.  This level of misery doesn’t last.  Most of your healing time will feel very different - better.  Ok?

@Rosetta ok. 

Thank you x

[Rosetta]

Thinking of you.  I hope today is better. - Rosetta

[ScottishLass]

@Rosetta today I felt much better. I cut the sleeping tablet last night. My sleep was **** but this morning I just got up and was like I’m going to do it.  I dknw. I went out and I was different and I had lunch looking out on the cricket fields and trees. I knw drinking not the best but I had cocktails and beer and I felt fantastic and i can do this.  I have to ride the good and I’m not going down. This **** that psychiatrists have done. Omg. It’s so wrong. Well I am just ******* THEM OFF.  HOW DARE THEY. This is is wrong. I think you are amazing though. 

 

[Rosetta]

You can do this.  How much did you take of the sleeping pill?  That’s the Zopiclone, right?  You started that on Aug 14.  How is the liquid dosing going?  Even if you don’t post notes here, I hope you keep notes on paper.  That you are feeling good today is great.  You will wish you had written down the amount of zopiclone you took last night.
 

Rosetta

[ScottishLass]

 

 

21 hours ago, Rosetta said:

You can do this.  How much did you take of the sleeping pill?  That’s the Zopiclone, right?  You started that on Aug 14.  How is the liquid dosing going?  Even if you don’t post notes here, I hope you keep notes on paper.  That you are feeling good today is great.  You will wish you had written down the amount of zopiclone you took last night.
 

Rosetta

Hi @Rosetta

thanks for replying. I am going to try and do notes again. I just had to step back. Think. Not think.  I’m gonna try one more time.  I don’t want to react badly or misuse the site or make things worse. I dknw. I am very gratetful.

Yeh I took 3.75mg Zopiclone (half dose - one tab)and then last night none. Sleep was pretty bad as expected but I did doze on/off for a little while.  I got up and went into work today too.  I got through the day but It’s so challenging and I’m not even doing my actual job yet. I’m very concerned about work, the stress of it, the difficulties with management understanding, putting on an act.  I feel like I’m not myself, far away from it, in robot mode to cope but things are also so intense at times.  Don’t see it’s sustainable for much longer.  I just can’t grasp the nature of all this.  I guess even being able to get out and go in to work in itself is a huge step from where I was and going out for lunch yesterday.  It just feels so unstable though.  I was so sure a wee while ago things were good, getting better then things collapse.  Yesterday I got up, went out for lunch, drank (not doing that again though.  I don’t think it’s good and I can’t drink like before at all, in any way, my system does not like and can’t cope, not sure why I did) but I felt on top of the world at times.  Then today I got home after work and cried for a long, long time.  I feel so done.  Got very scared.  I can’t control my emotions.  It’s cruel.  I have a flicker of hope and then it swings to despair and abject fear.  I’m not sure where I am in all of this.  What the fights for you knw.  I’m questioning everything but can’t make a decision. I feel like my body/mind is inflamed, off.  I’m just delaying inevitable terror.  That sounds ludicrous from the outside I know but it is how I feel.  Do I just have to try and pretend? Put on the mask. Hope. I dknw.  There is no other option I guess.  I’m so worried and sad. 

SL

[Rosetta]

Accepting that life is very different is quite difficult.  There is a grief process, and that is interrupted by a window or a day when a person feel “too good.”  You feel as if you were a yo-yo.  
 

One day at a time — that’s all one can do.  Try to think about the short term.  Do what you gave to do today to make it to work tomorrow in one piece.  Try not to think about the future.  The future will be fine, but getting there is going to take a lot of compromise and giving up on worrying about how you want to live in the now.  Just inch forward.

[ScottishLass]

Yeh, thanks 

[rubywednesday]

@ScottishLass Hi, just wondering how you are and how you're coping at work, better I hope.  

 

Ruby x

[Rosetta]

Me, too.  Are you doing all right? @ScottishLass

[ScottishLass]

@Rosetta @rubywednesday

Thanks for checking in. I’m still here. Struggling but ok. Not many words today. Sorry. 

Kind thoughts

SL

 

[rubywednesday]

Nice to hear from you @ScottishLass, glad to hear you're hanging on in there.

 

ruby x

[Rosetta]

Same here.  Thinking of you.

[ScottishLass]

Have had really bad few days/week.  I’m not managing work stress and general return.    Phased work return has been very poorly managed and stigmatising.  Felt very angry and panic stricken today.  Struggling to multi task, think things through quick enough.  Really distressed and upset this afternoon.  I’m not sure I can do this up and down, waves and windows.  It’s so cruel. I don’t want to live like this.  My sleep is still very poor. I didn’t reduce the fluoxetine yet so still at 4.5mg. I am angry again at medics prescribing, that came back full force. Maybe I should give up fighting this. If I wasn’t unwell before these drugs and WD have made me unwell now.  Maybe I’m kidding myself, maybe there is something not right with me.  I just want this done.  I started giving myself deadlines today. Get to a certain point. Try a bit longer then give up. Stop the torment. I don’t want to think that but I do and I’m tired.  Is this a wave or am I just realistic. Rational decisions to ongoing torment and distress.  Idknw. I feel I’m reaching my limit.  I feel in a state of shock. 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

6 minutes ago, ScottishLass said:

Have had really bad few days/week.  I’m not managing work stress and general return.    Phased work return has been very poorly managed and stigmatising.  Felt very angry and panic stricken today.  Struggling to multi task, think things through quick enough.  Really distressed and upset this afternoon.  I’m not sure I can do this up and down, waves and windows.  It’s so cruel. I don’t want to live like this.  My sleep is still very poor. I didn’t reduce the fluoxetine yet so still at 4.5mg. I am angry again at medics prescribing, that came back full force. Maybe I should give up fighting this. If I wasn’t unwell before these drugs and WD have made me unwell now.  Maybe I’m kidding myself, maybe there is something not right with me.  I just want this done.  I started giving myself deadlines today. Get to a certain point. Try a bit longer then give up. Stop the torment. I don’t want to think that but I do and I’m tired.  Is this a wave or am I just realistic. Rational decisions to ongoing torment and distress.  Idknw. I feel I’m reaching my limit.  I feel in a state of shock. 

I feel as bad as u do and I don’t know what to advice u other than tell u for sure that it is not you, it is what the drugs did to you. I only took Zoloft for 3.5 weeks and suffering severely still 10 months later. I wouldn’t make any more drug changes if I were you, stability and time seem to be the only things healing most people….. sorry evil pharmaceutical companies and uneducated doctors did this to you. Don’t be hard on urself for not being able to work and multitask … I mean I can’t even watch TV or cook and I was on the drugs a very short time. I guess we both just need more time for healing .. I know … easier said than done… believe me I know…

[rubywednesday]

Sorry to hear you're feeling so bad @ScottishLass and that your work is so awful.  It's not your fault, it's just the withdrawal, it will get better, I don't know when but you will get better eventually.  If you're getting SI please phone the Samaritans or Breathing Space.  Can you write a timeline so Alto can help advise?  Do you practise mindfulness/meditation, it really helps me and journaling/ gratitude diaries help to monitor progress.  I'm also trying to post my achievements for the day to try to lift my mood, even if it's just having a bath or cooking a nice meal.  Keep posting, sending healing hugs xx

[Rosetta]

Thinking of you.  I hope work is going all right. -Rosetta

[ScottishLass]

On 9/15/2021 at 6:36 PM, Rosetta said:

Thinking of you.  I hope work is going all right. -Rosetta

@RosettaThanks. I hav swung to hypomania maybe. I dknw. Cud just be seeing things in the real light or Or why. No idea. It’s odd. It’s so brilliant but I dnt get it. I have been on same dose.  Why. If I can stay here that’s just amazing. I feel so good. It is wonderful release and things. I can do so much. Things are turning 

[rubywednesday]

Hi @ScottishLass so nice to hear you're feeling upbeat and hoping it's a window and not hypomania.  How's work now? Better I hope. 

 

I'm doing much better, was up and down quite a bit with that last reduction in duloxetine but fine now and I'm gonna stick to the 10% max reductions from now on.

 

Ruby x

[rubywednesday]

Hi @ScottishLass, just stopping by to see how you're doing?  

 

Ruby x

[ScottishLass]

Thanks @rubywednesday x

 

[Rosetta]

Hi.  Hope you are doing ok these days.  -Rosetta

[ScottishLass]

Hi 👋🏻 

Just a wee update to keep a bit of a log of my experience.  Things mentally have stabilised considerably and I am very, very relieved at that.☀️ I feel like a completely different person than at the height of withdrawal. Thank goodness. 

 

I was a little too up for a while in the bridging Prozac period, uncomfortable at times but also a bit of a godsend tbh and I got a LOT done and things seemed to have settled down now. I have so far also, god knows how, managed to stay mostly back at work.  No mean feat.

 

I am still reducing the Prozac very slowly and am now on 4 mls(16mg) which I intend to stay on for another few weeks and then drop 1 mg again.

 

I have had a return of some RLS and body/mind agitation especially at night in the last week which had disappeared completely for a while. So unsure why that’s back.  My sleep however is slowly improving which is really positive after such an extended period of awful, distressing  insomnia. I am still having a few off days and periods of anxiety which can take my breath away but I am learning and beginning to understand and manage this much better.

 

 I had a Covid booster and flu jab at the same time recently.  Mentally I was fine but had quite a physical reaction and was unwell in bed for a few days.  Seems to have sorted itself out now. 

 

I have unfortunately on the physical side had some major GI stuff going on (which I’ve never had before) and seems to have come out of nowhere and quite severely.  I have been a little unwell with that and it hasn’t really got better.  This has led to a colonoscopy (have to be sedated...little worried about that drug wise) next week and lots and lots of other tests and some abnormal bloods. Typical when things mentally start to improve this happens. 🙄 The Drs of course make no links with the long term AD’s or withdrawal and current physical problems. I’m less sure about that but will see what comes from the procedure next week.

 

Anyway, that’s me. I’m alive. Mentally I am in a very, very different place. I now have some hope that I can get out of this. Scathed but moving forward. 😊 I really NEVER thought I’d say that in the midst of everything and have so much compassion for everyone going through WD.  

 

Thank you again to this forum, all the lovely people who popped by and the tremendous knowledge, support and compassion shown to me.  

 

This has been in reality a really terrible, sometimes shocking journey which I would wish on nobody. I feel completely changed by it all and if I could rewind and it never happened...I surely would. However, there is no doubt in some ways I am enriched by the experience and certainly more educated and able to manage things in a new way, with skills I didn’t have before. That is completely due to the kindness I found here. You know who you are.  

Thank you 🙏🏻

SL ☀️

@Rosetta I hope you are doing ok too. Kind thoughts x

[Rosetta]

That is so good to hear!!  Wow. How wonderful that the Prozac bridge worked.

 

ADs do affect serotonin receptors, and we have a lot of them in the gut. That explains the problems we have there.

 

I would not allow myself to be sedated.  I feel that risks a return of the mental symptoms and intensifying withdrawal.  Unless there was an indication of a serious or life threatening condition, I would put that off.  If the problems are AD related, the gut will return to normal, but it will do so in the windows and waves pattern.  It’s very frustrating.  
 

I’m really glad you are able to work.  That will help you in the long run, certainly.

 

All the best,

Rosetta

[ScottishLass]

56 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

 

I would not allow myself to be sedated.  I feel that risks a return of the mental symptoms and intensifying withdrawal.  Unless there was an indication of a serious or life threatening condition, I would put that off

@Rosetta Thanks. Nice to hear from you always. 
Yeh, I really want to not be sedated but I have to do the procedure as abnormal bloods and other scary symptoms and I won’t be able to do without being sedated. I guess I just have to hope the drugs don’t  screw things up. 
SL 
 

[Onmyway]

5 hours ago, ScottishLass said:

@Rosetta Thanks. Nice to hear from you always. 
Yeh, I really want to not be sedated but I have to do the procedure as abnormal bloods and other scary symptoms and I won’t be able to do without being sedated. I guess I just have to hope the drugs don’t  screw things up. 
SL 
 

Hi @ScottishLass

 

this is great news that the insomnia has relented and as Rosetta said earlier, the GI Issues could be WD related but good to get them checked esp with some abnormal results. I know it is not easy to get such procedures on the NHS so if they have recommended it, I'd do it. 

 

I have had two minor surgeries with sedation during withdrawal - though I had been at that time holding for 7 months and had felt mostly recovered. However, I did make sure that they did not use a benzodiazepine for mine. I asked in advance what the cocktail was and it had a benzodiazepine in it (I don't remember what it was), so on the day of the procedure I asked the doctor to NOT use the benzo. I said I had been addicted to it, which was not true but it made them not use it which was my goal. They didn't even need to replace it - propofol was sufficient for a short - 20 min - procedure.

 

@ScottishLass, I am noticing that you are making more than 10% cuts and planning the next one spaced less than 4 weeks apart. I would suggest to be careful with that as prozac effects don't even register for a few weeks due to long half life and the effects of cuts can be cumulative. So things might go well for a while but then you can have a bad crash. Also don't forget about the Windows and Waves. We can be very brave in windows because thigs seem recovered. Both of these - being brave in windows, and cutting too fast are mistakes that I have made and regretted. So I'd suggest that you hold for a while to reinforce this stability especially because how hard it was before. 

 

The reason why prozac's long half life makes the WD effects delayed is that today's drug leaves the body very slowly - so in your system you still have leftover prozac from 25 days ago and from 24 days ago and 23 days ago etc... and they are accumulated. 

 

Good luck with your taper, 

OMW

[Cheeky]

Wow so good to hear your feeling better. It’s amazing how when we feel good everything changes on the out look on life. Please be careful with the tapering. I went a little to fast and was overly confident and it all caught up to me. We really need to take it slow . I’m so happy your in a good place . 
Thanks for your words on my thread . 🥰

[rubywednesday]

@ScottishLass, so happy to hear you're feeling so much better and you're managing to hold down your job.  And, if you are going to taper please be careful, I've been doing mines far too fast and got quite a bad reaction, but more stable now.

 

Ruby x

[ChessieCat]

9 hours ago, ScottishLass said:

I am still reducing the Prozac very slowly and am now on 4 mls(16mg) which I intend to stay on for another few weeks and then drop 1 mg again.

 

Please state the mg amount first with the mls in brackets after it.  I'm assuming that you want to include the mls for your own record, and that is okay.  However when I read the about I first thought that you were going to reduce 1 mg from 4mg to 3mg.  I think if you state the mg first it will be less confusing.  Thank you.

[ScottishLass]

Sorry who do I need to do this for? I’m not tagging anyone. Confused?

[ScottishLass]

Hi @Onmyway 😊 Thank you for stopping by, that’s kind. 

2 hours ago, Onmyway said:

Also don't forget about the Windows and Waves. We can be very brave in windows because thigs seem recovered.

You are right here and thanks for the reminder. I think maybe I do need to remember this. It’s like I feel I’m not in WD now because the shocking Duloxetine bit is done. I keep forgetting in a way I’m still tapering. Maybe though I could stay in this window and not come out of it. Do you think that’s possible? Or is that the too brave bit?  Maybe I am recovered and this isn’t a window. Sorry I’m thinking as I’m typing here. Yeh I need to remember I’m still tapering. It’s like I’ve convinced myself it’s all done. Put blinkers on. 

 

2 hours ago, Onmyway said:

However, I did make sure that they did not use a benzodiazepine for mine. I asked in advance what the cocktail was and it had a benzodiazepine in it

Thank you 🙏🏻 I will clarify what they are using. It’s good to hear someone who did take sedation and things were ok. I think I need to hear that. I have to do the procedure the choice has been taken away really. So 🤞

2 hours ago, Onmyway said:

I am noticing that you are making more than 10% cuts and planning the next one spaced less than 4 weeks apart.

I was going to reduce from 18 mg down 1mg a month now every 4-6 weeks until 10mg. As long as things stay ok. Then I’ll do reductions at 10% under 10mg and hold for longer if need be. Do u think I’m being too speedy? I was worried that the longer I’m bridging with Prozac the harder it will be to come off. Idknw. 

How did your ifs work out.  Any success? I hope so. I stopped for a break. Got a little deep and overwhelmed. Kind of out of nowhere.  I knw it’s good tho. Just need to slow down the intensity. 

Thanks for your message 🙏🏻

SL

[ScottishLass]

1 hour ago, rubywednesday said:

@ScottishLass, so happy to hear you're feeling so much better and you're managing to hold down your job.  And, if you are going to taper please be careful, I've been doing mines far too fast and got quite a bad reaction, but more stable now.

 

Ruby x

@rubywednesday 🙏🏻

I’m sorry you had a bad reaction.  Duloxetine is a tough one so I’m glad your stable again. Yeh as I said above I need to remind myself I’m tapering still and be careful.  I hope your taper goes smoothly from here. SL

[ScottishLass]

2 hours ago, Cheeky said:

Please be careful with the tapering. I went a little to fast and was overly confident and it all caught up to me.

@CheekyYou are right too. I have been getting a little over-confident...or avoidant. Seems silly now. I will be careful. It’s only when I read back these messages I saw that.  I will slow down the head and the process. Breathe a little. 😊🙏🏻

Thank you 

SL

[ChessieCat]

43 minutes ago, ScottishLass said:

Sorry who do I need to do this for? I’m not tagging anyone. Confused?

 

If you are referring to my request about how to state your dose.

 

  

10 hours ago, ScottishLass said:

4 mls(16mg)

 

Please state this as 16mg (4mls).  It just makes it less confusing when reading the dose information.  The milligram dose is consist.  The mls strength can be different between different prescription liquids.  As you get lower you might start diluting your liquid which will change the ml amount but the dose amount would still be the same.

 

The less confusing it is stated reduces the chance of errors being made.