LadyBlue2 Escitalopram/Lexapro since I was 11 years old!

[LadyBlue2]

Hello to every warrior reading this! I must go with the consensus of everyone here that it is life-saving that this website exists. I am currently experiencing one of the most difficult times in my life due to Lexapro withdrawal, and it seems that many others on the site have been going through a similar intensity of experience. I am incredibly grateful for anyone reading this that may be able to provide some guidance.

 

I think you can see this in my signature, but I was prescribed escitalopram (Lexapro) when I was 11 years old (was anyone else this young when they were prescribed??). Because I was so young, I can't quite remember what dose I was started on. What I do know is that eventually, I was on 30mg of escitalopram during most of high school. I slept my way through high school, falling asleep multiple times a day at school and often coming home and taking four hour naps. I don't understand how my prescribing psychiatrist thought any of this this was okay.

 

When I was 19, I dropped escitalopram (as well as buproprion) cold turkey. Two months later, hell ensued that I wouldn't wish on a single living soul. Reinstating 10mg escitalopram, not the full 30mg (and no bupropion), improved my situation quickly. I stayed pretty steady on this dose of 10mg, but I eventually began taking it irregularly, only 3-4 times per week.

 

I have been desperate to come off of escitalopram fully for the sake of spiritual, emotional, mental freedom. In June of 2020 at 21 years old, I started working with a holistic psychiatrist. I began taking 5mg escitalopram every day rather than the sporadic 10mg doses, and noticed no significant change from that for about 5 months. I went down to 4mg and stayed there for about three months, and was fairly stable. Then, I made the tremendous mistake of dropping straight to 3mg. After about three weeks on the 3mg dose, my insomnia kicked in. Started sleeping only 2-4 hours each night. I should have reinstated 4mg as soon as that started happening, but I didn't (because I wasn't on this site at the time!). I was stubborn and thought I could push through for a little while. I became quite desperate around six weeks of this insomnia, and reinstated 4mg at that point. I have now been on the reinstated 4mg for a little over two months now and have experienced almost no improvement. I sometimes go into very dark places when I'm awake for most of the night. I have been working my ass off at sleep hygiene, meditation, yoga, and other strategies. I am desperate for a full and restful night's sleep and I sometimes doubt my ability to keep pushing through this. Am I trapped in this terrifying existence of sleep deprivation? Will my body ever be able to come out of this?

 

At this point, the intense anxiety as a result of sleep deprivation and the sleep dread I'm experiencing don't always feel worth my crusade to be off of the SSRI. I would so appreciate updosing guidance. Should I updose 1mg at a time until I see improvement? How long should I wait for results from each updose? And if updosing doesn't yield relief, am I then just stuck on the higher dose without any improvement?

 

Another concern is that I haven't been able to find any other member on this site who went on an SSRI as young as I did! Obviously there are no studies on this and we all know that the doctors are clueless. Does anyone think that there is hope for someone like me, whose brain was literally formed around an SSRI? 

 

One last thing is that I think one of the most important things for getting through this is providing support to each other. Please don't hesitate to reach out to me if you're in a similar situation to mine and would like to be part of a support network for one another! I am especially inclined towards spiritual (rather than religious) guidance, so if that's also what helps you please reach out!

 

THANK YOU INCREDIBLE HUMANS. I am so inspired by the strength of people's stories here.

[Erell]

Hello and welcome @LadyBlue2

 

Thank you for your signature.

 

I'm running out of time, sorry for the quick post, another member of the team will welcome you properly later.

 

However I wanted to let you know that yes there are people who started meds at a young age, and yes these people can heal too ☺

 

Here are 2 examples :

 

1. ten0275 : this member started psychdrugs in first grade and is now living a drugfree life and wrote a beautiful Success Story 

 

2. julia955-healing-and-happiness-is-possible : this member started SSRI at 5 years old and wrote a beautiful Success Story 

 

 

 

 

See you later ☀️

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @LadyBlue2

 

You are taking 4mg escitalopram now? How has your symptom pattern changed since you started a month ago?

 

What time of day do you take it? How do you feel before and after you take it?

 

It's important to take this at the same times each day -- no skipping doses!

[LadyBlue2]

Thank you SO much for these responses! 

 

@Erell, you just provided me with the info for the first time in my life that there are people in a similar boat as I am. I am so thankful for that and incredibly inspired by those users' stories; I feel that I have a lot more hope now than I did before.

 

@Altostrata, yep, I'm now on 4mg escitalopram. In January of this year, I lowered to 3mg, but after six weeks of that the insomnia was feeling so unbearable for me that I went back up to 4mg. I wrote in my first post that I have seen almost no improvement since the insomnia started mid-February, but I admit to writing that on a particularly bad day for me and that was not as accurate as I should have been. I am seeing a little bit of improvement. I am getting some nights here and there that allow me 7-8 hours of sleep. I get so discouraged by the bad nights that I'm still having that make me feel so hopeless. I guess I was hoping that by reinstating the dose that I was originally doing alright on, I would not still feel so destabilized after two months since reinstating. I'd love to hear from you if it sounds like what I'm experiencing is "normal" or not. I take it every night before bed. I have been struggling with bedtime anxiety since my insomnia started so it's hard for me to feel any difference before/after taking it because my body gets pretty swept away by the feelings of anxiety around trying to go to sleep. Indica weed has actually been a huge help in these times. Do you think that maybe I should switch to taking it in the morning? 

 

Again, thank you so much for weighing in. You guys are angels to everyone struggling on here and you should not forget that.

[Erell]

Hello @LadyBlue2

 

You're welcome : it's always very inspiring to read those ahead us, take a look at our Success Stories section 🙂

 

-success-stories-recovery-from-withdrawal

 

Yes what you're describing sounds common in withdrawal, and I have no doubt that your CNS might be in a bit of chaos after all the changes and the skipping doses.

It is not uncommon for people to take more than two months to stabilise : it's ok, nothing unusual here 🙂

 

It looks like you're seeing some improvements since reinstating to 4mg : that sounds like a good sign.

My advice from here would be to do a good long hold for some months to give some time to your Central Nervous System to do his repair work after all the changes and give him a chance to stabilise.

 

I would recommend you to read those threads, it might help to understand the process :

 

1. -how-psychiatric-drugs-remodel-your-brain/

 

2. -the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization/

 

 

About sleep, you might find these thread interesting :

 

-tips-to-help-sleep

 

And here is a quote I LOVE from a member : 

 

 

There is, unfortunately, no "silver bullet" to withdrawal or any of its symptoms, including insomnia.  If there were, SA would be a much smaller site than it is at this point.  Sadly, it continues to grow as more and more people get caught in the psychiatric medication "web."

 

insomnia and disordered sleeping is a hallmark of psychiatric medication withdrawal.  It starts earlier than that with many studies making it clear that SSRIs (and other psych meds) frequently suppress REM sleep for those who take the meds.  https://www.sleepio.com/articles/sleep-aids/antidepressants-and-sleep/  Given this as a backdrop, it should be no surprise that coming off the meds can wreak havoc on sleep.  The good news, however, is that the brain works hard to achieve homeostasis and, all other things being equal, the brain will return to a place where sleep becomes, as it should be, a matter of routine.  How long that takes for any one person is impossible to predict.  

 

So, what do you do?  In no particular order, some of the things to try:

 

• Don't place too much significance on sleep.  Rest should be the key and when your body absolutely needs to sleep it will.  The anxiety that comes with lying awake and saying "I must sleep" is far worse than the not sleeping.  It's hard but it can be done.
• Try a journaling practice before bed -- get out the things that are on your mind and add 3 things you are grateful for from the day
• Get a sleep ritual in place so that you do the same thing day after day and start to repair your circadian rhythms
• Take a warm bath with epsom salts few hours before bedtime and add in a cup of chamomile tea
• Use lavender essential oils in a diffuser at bedtime
• Exercise early in the day so that you aren't activated near bedtime
• Get outside and get some sunlight early in the day so that your rhythms are reestablished
• Make sure you have a consistent bedtime 
• Try not to be too activated in the couple of hours before bed and, of course, no caffeine
• Add a meditation practice
• Try yoga
• Go for walks in nature

Most insomnia is the result of the body being "hyperstimulated."  It is very hard to calm down an overstimulated body, especially when it is the result of chemical cascades that come as a result of medication use and withdrawal.  But, it can be done to a certain degree and the skills learned will provide valuable as your body improves over time.  

 

From my own perspective, my sleep is still not great, but it it better than it was.  I went through many stretches of 2 or 3 days with zero or an hour or two a night of sleep.  At this point, I have the occasional sleepless night, but most nights I'm good for at least 5 and usually closer to 6 hours.  By "normal" people standards that's not great, but it feels pretty good when compared to 0 or 2-3 hours a night.  As the saying goes, "in the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king!"

 

Try not to let it become the dominant factor in your life.  Over time, it will get better and you will heal.  Just do your best to continue to live your life what your brain is repairing itself.

 

 

4 hours ago, LadyBlue2 said:

 Indica weed has actually been a huge help in these times. 

Are you talking aboud CBD oil ?

Can you include the supplements you take in your signature ?

 

Ok so I also wanted to talk about slow tapers and why we should not skip doses, but I already gave you a lot of infos so let's do this later : take the time you need to read and feel free to ask questions

 

See you later, take care ☀️

 

[Altostrata]

You've updosed perhaps 6 weeks ago, so your seeing gradual improvement in sleep is on a normal track.

 

It could be the nighttime escitalopram is causing anxiety. You might move it earlier by an hour each day until you're taking it at noon or in the morning, whenever you can take it consistently. Please keep daily notes as you do this so you can tell if it's a good change.

[Heath]

@LadyBlue2 welcome to SA! I take lexapro in morning. I have read that it can be activating. Have you always taken it at night? The reason I asks is because withdrawals cause insomnia also. So if you have taken it at night all these years it may just possibly be withdrawals causing this. Journaling really helps to figure out what is withdrawals and side effects and what is not. 
 I agree with altostrata and erell . You are seeing improvements after 2 months so I would hold the dose for many months same dose same time every day and you will continue to feel much better. Our nervous system does not like all these changes ! Slow , steady, and stable 👍. Hang in there!

[Aveju]

I got started on Prozac at age 11.  I'm 40 now. This is my first post.  I'm just letting you know that you are not the only person who got started on this road at a young age. 

[LadyBlue2]

@Heath @AltostrataIt's been a long time but thank you very, very much for your responses! I have always taken Lexapro at night. Back when you wrote this to me, I ended up trying to move the time that I took it earlier and earlier but my CNS was such a mess at that point that it didn't seem like a good move at all to be messing with it that much so I ended up just going back to my usual time at bedtime.

 

@AvejuThank you so much for letting me know you are in a similar situation! It feels good to know there are other people in a similar boat, but at the same time I am so sorry you are in a similar boat!

[Altostrata]

You're welcome. How may we help you now?