Margaret1: an attempt to discontinue paroxetine

[redkite]

Hi Margaret, I am also reducing from the lovely paroxetine!!! Do not beet yourself up about not reserching this drug prior to exepting a prescription. I also has no idea like most on here about the damage it would do. I was given it by a duty dr because I was withdrawing from something else!!! Even the counsellor who was teaching me told me to keep taking it!!!! I was training to become a counsellor!!!! These supposed experts are sadly lacking and it is us that pays. You have done well with such big drops.....your doing it....Im doing it... just keep on. I have found the tinitus fades and suddendly you find it is not there anymore, and yes when i talked to the dr about various side effects they said it was not possible. Mindfullness is a brilliant tool to help with anxiety. You could try melatonin to help with sleep, its usefull and works. I LOVE my cat and untill last year had two, one who was very naughty but they are just such a good distraction and the more you love them the more they love you back, my old farm cat was 17 when he died and I still miss him today, he was the love of my life really!!!!.

I use fabreeze for fabric smells it  works really well, if a bit non eco!!!!! Anyway sit tight, it will all work out in the end just give it time.... and more time.... and more time. Stabalize before you do any more reductions, and cuddle the cat!!!! Take care redkite

[Margaret1]

Thank you for the response redkite. my cat is naughty too, but she is the love of my life. We are having a thunderstorm here where I live and she is so scared. 

Had to began a round of antibiotics because of a dental implant. Did not want to take them because of the effect they had on the gut bacteria but it was highly recommended by the doctor. So not feeling so great, besides the overall feeling of pain in my mouth, and still in withdrawal from paroxetine, and the antibiotics. The gut is closely linked with the brains well being so I highly dislike taking antibiotics.  I did have a chiropractic adjustment today. The first one in over ten years. This may have brought up something as well. Don’t know for sure, but I came home and fell asleep and I am just exhausted. Also, I haven’t been exercising over the last few days because of the dental implant and this is probably having an effect. Just feeling moody and anxious. 
I am glad to have my back and neck to begin to get back in alignment. He said it should take a few sessions to resolve my back and neck issues but nothing major. 
I think I just need some good rest tonight and fortunately I only have to take the amoxicillin for few more days. 

anyway, other than all that things are well. Being on 20 mg instead of 40 mg paroxetine is quite a change still. This will take time and patience and I will not lower my dose in November if I’m not feeling more stable. 
 

[Margaret1]

I’ve noticed my anxiety worsen lately. It’s been almost 3 months since the last drop in dosage. I am hoping it improves with time. At times I will feel slightly overwhelmed with situations that used to not have this effect when I was on all the medicine.

fortunately, I was able to walk quite a bit today and yesterday. 

[Margaret1]

Still taking the 20 mg paroxetine dose daily. Stopped taking the antibiotics today, fortunately. Also, I am still off the trazodone going on two weeks. 
Sleeping much better these days. Thinking I’m finally starting to get good deep sleep. 
went through a trying time over the last week which I believe was in part due to the fact I was taking antibiotics and that I am really in the intense withdrawal now from paroxetine and the other meds I was on. I know it will pass though and improve. My mind is trying to adapt to the lower paroxetine dose and the absence of trazodone and other psych meds I was taking. 
finding some relief today, not completely sure why, but very fortunate to feel a lot better.

I am taking chelated zinc, liposomal vitamin c, fish oil, biotin, d3 and raw k complex. I question whether or not supplements enter into the equation at all but still taking them.

Again, very fortunate to be on one medication, 20 mg paroxetine. I didn’t know I would be able to do this and still don’t but I will try this for a year at least. 
I have not entered into panic disorder so I will continue with my plan to begin further withdrawal in November by lowering my dose incrementally. 

[Margaret1]

I know it will take time to adjust to being on 20 mg paroxetine instead of 40 mg. On 8-24-22 it will have been 3 months since the drop from 30 mg to 20 mg. Lately, my neck has continued to ache as well as my jaw. My ears feel much clearer and I can hear better. I still have the tinnitus in my right ear. My mood can be quite low but then after a bit it improves. I have moments where I get angry with something, usually when walking in the humidity and heat to catch the bus to go to work. I have a job interview this week but am not sure I should change my job as I don’t want to make any big changes in the first year of withdrawal. But my present job is very physically demanding, yet the new job would be mentally demanding. 
I think this week may have just been hard because I had the dental implant and was on the antibiotics 

I have been feeling things get harder over the past few months since lowering the dose. But things have also gotten better in ways. Again, I wish I could had never taken them to begin with over 20 years ago because getting off them is difficult. They have had an effect on my entire self. I was taking them to escape a feeling, thoughts. When there are natural methods to do this. Also, sometimes the struggle is something to go through to order to find answers. There were situations I was going through when I first went on these medicines that I should of dealt with instead of taking the medicine. 
Now I need to take good care of myself and try to regain my health. Emotionally, I do not think I am as mature as I would be if I had learned to cope naturally with my issues. 
I think the medicines have held me in a state where I was not exposed to my feelings and moods and emotions

so I didn’t learn how to grow.

they did provide a relief though, but at what cost? I am just thankful to be getting off them finally. 20 mg paroxetine was the first psych  medicine I was ever put on and now being on 20 mg feels like I am on nothing.  I know it is helping me to stay on the 20 mg until my mind adjusts  I went from 40 mg to 30 mg in one month and then from 30 mg to 20 mg the next month which wasn’t enough time so I want to go from 20 mg to 19 mg, etc when I lower the dosage again. At times I feel hopeful about this and others very hesitant. 
Another thing that has changed since I’ve been withdrawing is my connection to others. When I see a friend I get so much joy talking with them whereas before I felt numb. I get excitement when I see family and look forward to spending time with others. I do value my alone time and need this to recover from the intensity and energy I feel now when I am among others. I just feel things now. I have feelings and it is a process learning to live again. 
 

[Margaret1]

I do feel my moods being low and feeling overwhelmed in a way. But I am hoping this will pass over time as my mind adjusts. This, I’m hoping is the worst of it. But I truly can’t say. I have been on paroxetine off and on for over 20 years. I hope it doesn’t take 20 years to feel better. 
i did spend the last two days I had off work resting which I felt I needed. But I do wish I had gotten out. I’m not going to call it depression but I do want to have more desire to go out into the world. 
as I said, I will give this one year to see if I can tolerate and improve myself. I have thought to go back on some of the medications but will not. 

the positives are still outweighing the negatives. 

[Margaret1]

Have a lot more energy now than I used to. I had a job interview today and my thinking was quicker and I had more feeling to my words. I think I seemed excited about the position and I hope this was communicated. I am able to read now and focus on the sentences and not have to repeat passages over. I couldn’t imagine interviewing for this job while I was on all the medicines. I am trying to move forward with my life. But it is difficult. I have a lot of work to do.

I need to make good decisions as well. Not impulsive, unwise choices. When you are living with new renewal and eyes it’s hard to not dream big. 
the important thing is to recognize the process, not the end result. I went to my chiropractor today and had an adjustment. This is a piece of my recovery. I showed up for the job interview as I said I would. Tomorrow I will continue to do what is necessary to live healthy and find meaning in this life. I will try to eat well, exercise, and of course go to my job and help out as much as I can. 
I will continue to try to expand my learning and grow new pathways in my brain and give my mind a chance to heal from the absence of the medicines. My liver is definitely thanking me for not being on them. I want to exercise more. This is a goal.

[Ariel]

@Margaret1

Wow, what an incredible post! So encouraging and hopeful and full of life. 

I suggest that you print it out and keep it with you, or tape it somewhere you'll see it regularly. 

This way if/when there's a wave or a rough day, you'll remember that it's possible to feel the way you did today. 

Thank you very much for sharing this. I feel your vitality, and it's beautiful. 

Healing is happening <3

[Margaret1]

@Ariel

thank you for your response. It is always good to remember positives when feeling low.

when I went off gabapentin, I didn’t taper this. Is that an issue? I was taking 300 mg once a day. Also, I didn’t taper three the seroquel either. It’s been 6 months since I quit them. 

[Margaret1]

Also, when I quit the seroquel I remember seeing a doctor at the clinic, not a psychiatrist, and her telling me to go back on the seroquel because it is a powerful drug. I was stubborn and didn’t want to slowly decrease that med as it was causing my legs and arms to tense up at night and wake me up. So I remained off it. Those two weeks were difficult. I barely slept and felt off. 

[Ariel]

@Margaret1

 

4 hours ago, Margaret1 said:

when I went off gabapentin, I didn’t taper this. Is that an issue? I was taking 300 mg once a day. Also, I didn’t taper three the seroquel either. It’s been 6 months since I quit them. 

 

Hi, I'm not sure whether you're asking me or just asking in general. 

What do you mean by "Is that an issue?"

I'm not a mod, but it's my impression that any psychotropic drug CT could potentially cause WD. 

From your drug signature it looks like you CTed both Seroquel and Gabapentin in February 2022, and then rapidly reduced Paroxetine in April and May 2022. That makes four major drug changes in as many months, and all three drugs you'd been on for years prior.

Seems to me this could have a significant cumulative effect on destabilizing the nervous system and causing/exacerbating WD. 

It sounds like you're doing relatively well considering!

[Margaret1]

I completely understand feeling the terror aspect of withdrawal. Mine has slowly worsened since lowering dosage and quitting the trazodone. But I believe it must crest and then subside eventually. Walking has helped me the most. 

[Margaret1]

Haven’t been feeling too well lately. Overall body lethargy and low moods and thoughts, even anger at times. Walking seems to be the only thing that helps alongside talking to someone about it. I am able now to look at the anxiety and not fear it. It’s been almost 3 weeks off the trazodone, so my only vice is the remaining 20 mg of paroxetine which I take daily. My sister was able to quit the antidepressant Zoloft years ago and is functioning well. 
When does the ringing in the ears go away? 
I’m taking each day at a time and I started journaling incessantly. I’m having setbacks career wise and feelings of failure. I also have no children or partner and feel loneliness. 
 

[Ariel]

@Margaret1

I'm sorry things have been difficult. 

You are doing the right thing taking one day at a time. 

This is a long, hard road and you are doing a very good job putting one foot in front of the other. 

I'm sorry about the professional challenges.

You are not a failure. I know it can feel that way sometimes. Please be kind to yourself.

Loneliness can be a really big part of WD. It's something I feel, too.

I don't have a partner or children or an active career, and it can feel pretty brutal sometimes.

However, I can see that there are many SA members who do have partners and children and careers, and they struggle, too.

Loneliness and self-doubt and feelings of failure seem to be symptomatic of WD.

It helps me to remember that the negative thoughts and feelings I'm experiencing are not "me", they are WD. 

I find that this helps me to not identify with what's going on in my mind and keep some distance.

I can also relate to the "body lethargy and low moods and thoughts" and occasional anger.

It's great that you're walking, that helps me, too (when I'm able).

You're doing a really good job, Margaret. Give yourself lots of credit for your considerable efforts.

In solidarity and support,

A.

  

 

[Margaret1]

Atrial, thank you for your very kind and considerate words. This helps so much in my times of struggle and withdrawal. 
On a positive note, I am sleeping much better these days. And on the days I walk at least 4-5 miles I feel much better. My thinking and thought reasoning process is clearer and my family notices huge improvement as if I am a different person. Fortunately, I was able to come to my parents home and be with my mother on her birthday. And really spend quality time with her, not like before when I wasn’t alive. 
I will try being easier on myself, and others. I just have such high expectations from what I would like to achieve and I’m barely scratching the surface thus far. 
having children and a partner can come with unwanted circumstances and I know they do struggle with withdrawal As well. I could still have a child just not As of yet and do not know when I will be totally off the paroxetine. 

[Margaret1]

Noticing a feeling of terror lately. It comes on most severely in the early evening and lasts until I go to sleep. It’s a feeling of dread that seems to be in my chest and stomach and of course in my mind. 
i had this last time I tried to go off paroxetine. It starts around 3 months after a major dosage change or complete abstinence. Last time I went back on the paroxetine because I was having panic attacks as well and did not handle them well. This time, probably because I am still on 20 mg of paroxetine, I’m not having the severe panic and inability to sleep and therefore will remain at the 20 mg dose until November when I will

slowly lower dose by 10 % monthly. 
what I am wondering though, is will this feeling of terror and dread dissipate over time? How long does this withdrawal symptom last? I never felt this way before I took the paroxetine. 

[Margaret1]

Trying to figure out why I am feeling this feeling of terror, uneasiness, slight panic. I know I am newly on a lower dose od the paroxetine and this is a probably why. But the mechanism of the lowering of paroxetine I am interested in and why I’m feeling this way. It is not a pleasant feeling and I sometimes get it when i am outside waiting for the bus and feel so exposed to everything. The anger I am having for others comes and goes. Sometimes I have such compassion and then I blame them for our societies ills And their plain stupidity. I sure can be judgmental off these meds. But I am also more productive and caring. 
my digestion has improved since the dose lowering. The tinnitus in the one ear is worsening. But I am just trying to ignore it.

Now that I have been off the antibiotics for a few weeks I have more energy. 
The Medicine paroxetine has a profound effect on the human body and mind. I think it effects every system and down to the minute atom of ourselves. However, I do have hope that my system can eventually come to terms with this reckoning. I never had this amount of tightness in my neck before I went on them or pain in my back. It could be my present job, as it is physical, but who can say. I really hope this terror and panic feeling subsides instead of getting more intensive because I want to lower present dose of 20 mg paroxetine to 18 mg in November. 

[Ariel]

Hi @Margaret1

I'm sorry you're dealing with these feelings of terror, uneasiness, panic. It sounds awful. 

 

I do not personally have experience with paroxetine, but from reading people's stories here, it does seem like those are common paroxetine WD symptoms. Apparently paroxetine can be one of the most challenging ADs to come off of. 

People do successfully come off it, though -- as evidenced by numerous success stories. 

 

It's encouraging that you have such a constructive attitude and are able to notice/acknowledge improvements to digestion and energy. 

My impression is that you have a good mindset that serves you well in this process. That's quite an asset and will help you get through. 

 

4 hours ago, Margaret1 said:

I really hope this terror and panic feeling subsides instead of getting more intensive because I want to lower present dose of 20 mg paroxetine to 18 mg in November. 

 

A gentle question/suggestion: how would it feel to maybe let go of any expectation/plan to make a dose reduction in November?

I am not saying you should or shouldn't make a cut in November. 

I'm only wondering whether the thought of that future reduction might be creating/contributing to some undue pressure/stress about how you feel in the present moment. I don't know -- I'm asking and wondering aloud. 

 

WD is an exercise is navigating uncertainty, everything is in flux all the time and things are unpredictable. That's one of the most challenging aspects of the experience of this iatrogenic illness. One thing we can do to help ourselves is practice acceptance and patience, which entails a practice of accepting that we are not in control. We don't get to control the symptoms or the timeline. The body heals in its own time. 

Sometimes, because we crave control, we attach to a certain plan or strategy -- which might be a completely reasonable, rational, well-designed plan/strategy on paper -- it's just that it may have nothing to do with what our bodies and brains want/need. Our mind clings to the comfortable certainty of how we would like things to be in theory; our body is all practice all the time, and makes itself known via our lived, embodied experience. 

Speaking for myself, my experience of WD is marked by living in this gap and trying to navigate it as best I can (it's been years and I have no idea what I'm doing! maybe by the time I start to get the hang of it, I'll be recovered! haha). 

 

All this to say, I have no idea how you'll feel in November, what your body will be telling you. There's no way to know until you get there, and only you are in your body, only you know what it's like to be you. 

I'm just thinking aloud that if there's any way to make your present day-to-day any easier on you, it seems like that could be nice. And maybe one thing that might lighten the load a bit is letting go of the idea that anything in particular need happen on one or another schedule. Just a thought. 

That being said, maybe it feels like a relief in the present moment to think of a future schedule -- I don't know. It could go either way, I guess. 

I play these kinds of games in my own mind all the time -- not saying you are playing games in your mind, just saying that because I fiddle around with these sorts of mental constructions, that's what I'm rambling on about now here in your topic! Please excuse me if this is all just me projecting my own useless mind garbage, haha, feel free to disregard. 

What it all comes down to for me, every time, is: how is this serving me? Is this way of thinking helpful or not? 

And then I try to finagle my way to a more supportive mental framework as needed. Whatever works!

 

Dear Margaret, I'm sorry you're dealing with these unpleasant symptoms. 

You're doing a great job! 

I believe in you. 

 

In solidarity and support,

A.

[NeDaytoDayMJ]

How have you been the past week or so?

[Margaret1]

I am struggling with feelings of terror and bouts of anger. I am feeling downtrodden and slightly beaten by this lowering in dosage from 40 to 20 mg paroxetine three months aftermath. My mind tends to be in the fight or flight mode with of course moments of waves, but few and far inbetween. Why I focus on the negative is simply a pattern that I must change through process. But, alas, this takes time. I notice being in fear mode on my walks home from the bus stop. My legs are moving ao

quickly and I simply want to get home. My resting heart rate is elevated which I especially notice when I lay down for sleep. Anyone else know of a correlation between paroxetine and resting heart rate? Otherwise, I am sleeping well though. Thank you for asking N and thank you Ariel for your kind and reassuring words.
I thought that paroxetine effected the voltage at the level of the receptors in the brain which did not allow for the reuptake of serotonin. Please mention if I am incorrect. I would like to understand more about how paroxetine at the microscopic level works. Please comment if you know of this. 

[Margaret1]

I was doing well on 20 mg paroxetine from 40 and had gotten off seroquel, trazodone, gabapentin, and clonodine, and then after 3 months since last paroxetine dose lowering I have hit a wave. Not sleeping well and the feelings of terror underlying dread and doomed feeling currently persist. The ringing on my ears as head has reached a new level in volume and magnitude. My body is telling me it wants more paroxetine and doesn’t understand why it is not there? 
and again, this is when it has hit me before, at around three months after going off. But this time I have stayed at 20 mg paroxetine and thankfully haven’t hit the panic attacks and constant sense of worry and terror. I have noticed the feeling of terror getting worse especially over the last few weeks but thought it had reached it’s zenith but I guess it has more to go before it abates. 
I’m doing way better than I have in the past when I tried to get off paroxetine, solely because this time I plan to lower the dosage gradually. However, I did go from 40 to 30 for one month only and then from 30 to 20 for three months now. And I may not lower my dosage again as early as this November and wait until I am feeling up to par to lower down to 19 mg. 
I want so to be off paroxetine entirely now but this is just not feasible. It is going to be a long process and right now my body and mind are telling me to take this extremely slow. 
yesterday, I walked five miles, ate healthy, took supplements, went to work, took deep breathing exercises, drank plenty of water but still had issues falling asleep and remaining asleep which is a new thing. I did take vitamin b complex which I haven’t taken in some time but decided to go back in it from the feelings of terror thinking it would cause them to abate. And I had taken it in the past and it was a non issue but I may go back to only taking cod liver oil or fish oil instead of the supplements I am currently taking. 

[Margaret1]

I will continue to walk daily and take care of myself best as I know how and will continue on 20 mg paroxetine. I am feeling very sensitive to others and at times overwhelmed by being around more than 1 person. Even one person can be too much! I’m close to snapping at others and quick to anger. My sense of smell is definitely back again and am sensitive to scents. I am being a judgemental person these days and comparing myself to others and wishing I had done better in life. But I need to not do this. 

[Margaret1]

The withdrawal is slowly worsening. Sounds seem muffled now almost as if they aren’t as brilliant as they were a month ago. My mind is struggling to find homeostasis. I am hoping this is the worst of it and I begin to even out. I feel nauseous at times and I’ve lost my appetite. I am supposed to go to a job interview tomorrow but don’t know if I will have the drive to go. I usually feel better in the mornings however.

I am watching comedies and anything light instead of anything moody because I am effected by them more so now.

I do not have to figure everything out right now. I know this is a process and I am in the beginning. My inclination is to get back on a higher dose of paroxetine but as I said I will give this a year at least. The tinnitus is easing some which is good. 
I do want to work on meditating and making new positive pathways in my mind. When I start spiraling downward with negative thoughts it sends me into anxiety.

I’ve noticed my anxiety lessen and the depression worsen. I haven’t felt so good and so horrible in a long time. An odd combination.

 

[Spenitate]

Hi Margaret! Just wanted to say I went through Paxil withdrawal and a lot of your symptoms chime with mine. It’s horrible! My symptoms did ease in time yet (I had the complicating factor of a doctor adding sertraline to the mix and the withdrawal from that is currently giving me issues) but I do feel that the Paxil symptoms have mostly settled down if that’s any comfort. 

[Margaret1]

I will keep this brief. I am extremely thankful I stayed on 20 mg paroxetine for this 3 month and 1 week period since my last dosage change. Without this dosage I wonder if I would of been able to cope with these withdrawal symptoms without going back on more medicine. I am losing weight gradually, having stomach and diarrhea issues, in fact I don’t have an appetite. The depression is not easy. The terror and paranoia have somewhat subsided leaving way for a certain type of dark depression I never experienced before I went on this medicine. I have waves all the time, except for a tiny moment of window in the morning time. My days are spent in an agony of painful ruminating. I hope this passes eventually. Walking helps and journaling. I don’t have interests or at least I don’t know what they are presently. I have a hard time envisioning any kind of future. It is beating me down but what it doesn’t know is that I will not play it’s game and get back on more medicine to support big pharm. That is what this medicine is doing to me as I lower the dose. 
I am determined to go off it still. In November as I stated before I will begin lowering the dosage from 20 mg to 19 or even 19.5 mg and will stay at this dose for at least a month. What I worry about is that it seems the withdrawal really starts three months after the last dosage drop so if I lower from 20 mg to 19 I will not know how this really has effected me until 3 months later and shouldn’t lower dosage again until after this amount of time but this means it will take 15 years to get off paroxetine! 
I am taking 20 mg paroxetine daily and will stick with this until I feel somewhat better. 

[Margaret1]

The depression has gotten almost unbearable now/ I am still taking 20 mg paroxetine daily. I am feeling very overwhelmed and scared. Could someone please give me some advice.

last night I barely slept. I went on a long walk today which was hard to do but good. I am grateful for so many things but I must say the cigarette smell 3rd hand smoke smell is so bad that I e tried everything I can think to try and now I’m obsessing over what it is doing to me and trying to cope with this until I can move out. I cannot move out now it will take time and I have to be in there while I sleep but I can try to leave early and don’t go back until night but this idea stresses me out. I do leave to go to work and after I have been back there for a few weeks and don’t go away I get used to it but it’s not good.

do I go back on the meds to deal with this smell? I do not want to but I also can’t live in the woods. I got out of there for a few days and have to go back tomorrow and am dreading it.

also, I’m walking, eating well, doing everything right but the depression is powerful! And it’s after 90 days of the med change that this is happening. What really is depression? Is there really a chemical imbalance? What do I do?

 

[Spenitate]

1 hour ago, Margaret1 said:

The depression has gotten almost unbearable now/ I am still taking 20 mg paroxetine daily. I am feeling very overwhelmed and scared. Could someone please give me some advice.

last night I barely slept. I went on a long walk today which was hard to do but good. I am grateful for so many things but I must say the cigarette smell 3rd hand smoke smell is so bad that I e tried everything I can think to try and now I’m obsessing over what it is doing to me and trying to cope with this until I can move out. I cannot move out now it will take time and I have to be in there while I sleep but I can try to leave early and don’t go back until night but this idea stresses me out. I do leave to go to work and after I have been back there for a few weeks and don’t go away I get used to it but it’s not good.

do I go back on the meds to deal with this smell? I do not want to but I also can’t live in the woods. I got out of there for a few days and have to go back tomorrow and am dreading it.

also, I’m walking, eating well, doing everything right but the depression is powerful! And it’s after 90 days of the med change that this is happening. What really is depression? Is there really a chemical imbalance? What do I do?

 

Hi Margaret

 

I can’t give you any advice I’m afraid, but I just wanted to send you all my sympathy and best wishes. I too had to come off paroxetine two years ago and it was hands down the toughest thing I have ever had to do: and it was a few weeks/months into withdrawal that I got my worse symptoms so it is definitely more than possibly that this is what is causing your current anxiety!

 

it is really normal to panic about whether what you are experiencing is withdrawal or just normal depression. I know I do it all the time with my current sertraline withdrawal.

 

Hang in there, it’s so tough but know you are more than capable of getting through this. Xxx

 

[Margaret1]

Thanks for your caring words spenitate. 
i really don’t want to complain about this but it’s hard. I did have a window today after a good cry. And after walking. I ate some food and felt better. Then I will just be sitting there and a dark wave passes over me telling me all sorts of bad things. 
after I take my paroxetine nightly, my body feels sickly and I really hope I can eventually get off this. But for now I’m going to really try to stay at the 20 mg dose and not go up on this. I just have to remind myself I am still in withdrawal and this isn’t me. My digestion is out of sorts and my head aches at times. My moods change frequently and I am struggling to motivate myself to do anything. I am living in fear and panic but not panic attacks which I am so grateful for. Sometimes I get paranoia thinking others are talking about me which is crazy. My neck muscles and sometimes my jaw is very tight. 

[Spenitate]

32 minutes ago, Margaret1 said:

Thanks for your caring words spenitate. 
i really don’t want to complain about this but it’s hard. I did have a window today after a good cry. And after walking. I ate some food and felt better. Then I will just be sitting there and a dark wave passes over me telling me all sorts of bad things. 
after I take my paroxetine nightly, my body feels sickly and I really hope I can eventually get off this. But for now I’m going to really try to stay at the 20 mg dose and not go up on this. I just have to remind myself I am still in withdrawal and this isn’t me. My digestion is out of sorts and my head aches at times. My moods change frequently and I am struggling to motivate myself to do anything. I am living in fear and panic but not panic attacks which I am so grateful for. Sometimes I get paranoia thinking others are talking about me which is crazy. My neck muscles and sometimes my jaw is very tight. 

Just so you know it’s completely ok to complain

 

All I can tell you is everything you are feeling except the paranoia/neck issues is what I felt whilst in withdrawal from the paroxetine, and I have now been free of it for over two years, so know you are not alone in this and that there is a life after the drugs! Listen to your body and don’t rush to change your dosage up or down unless you are sure it’s what is right for you - please don’t make any change just out of desperation, I made that mistake and believe me you will regret it!

 

I am currently withdrawing from sertraline and having similar struggles again, including like you worrying about when to hold on doses. I had a great big window today and it made all the struggles and suffering feel worthwhile if only for a bit. If you can hang on to the next window, and the next, know you will get through this. Xx

[Margaret1]

Thanks spenitate. I wish you weren’t going through sertraline withdrawal. But the window you had sounds great!

I managed to get a few hours of sleep last night. Feeling amped up still. But cut out the coffee which is helping. I take a probiotic, omega fish oil, zinc, biotin and a b complex(sometimes). I do worry so about living in the 3rd hand smoke and writing about it helps. It’s not forever I know I will eventually get out of there and it could be worse. It triggers anxiety for me though. I did get away for a few days and am going back this morning. Looking forward to a good day. I am feeling ok now. Grateful for the opportunity to get to live in this world. I want to not worry ever but it comes at times. 

[Spenitate]

2 minutes ago, Margaret1 said:

Thanks spenitate. I wish you weren’t going through sertraline withdrawal. But the window you had sounds great!

I managed to get a few hours of sleep last night. Feeling amped up still. But cut out the coffee which is helping. I take a probiotic, omega fish oil, zinc, biotin and a b complex(sometimes). I do worry so about living in the 3rd hand smoke and writing about it helps. It’s not forever I know I will eventually get out of there and it could be worse. It triggers anxiety for me though. I did get away for a few days and am going back this morning. Looking forward to a good day. I am feeling ok now. Grateful for the opportunity to get to live in this world. I want to not worry ever but it comes at times. 

The sertraline withdrawal is awful but I’ve found journalising and tracking my mood helps a bit as I can go back and track my progress, I don’t know if that would help you?

 

I do sympathise about the 3rd hand smoke. I live in a building with a lot of weed smokers and during Covid I could smell it coming through the vents.

 

I’m so glad you are feeling ok right now. I find it helps to write in my journal when I’m in a window so I can go back and read it when I’m not!!

[Margaret1]

I was feeling better then it hits me again the depressive low. The medicine should have cleared from my system by now. So I think this is me but when I have felt this awful before I have gone back in a cocktail of meds. I haven’t felt this bad in 10 years since I was last off them. But then it was worse because I went to nothing from 40 mg paroxetine. But this time I have gone from seroquel, gabapentin, trazodone and 40 mg paroxetine to 20 mg paroxetine only. I am so grateful I found this site and decided to stick to 20 mg paroxetine at least. The real withdrawal, the serious no joking withdrawal is happening now after three months. Wow. I am trying to be strong but it is hard as I don’t have what you would call a full schedule every day and spend a lot of time in my thoughts. I want a full schedule but this will take time.

I had the thought that I could be hurting myself by entering this depression without going back up on paroxetine for a while and then going down later. But I just don’t want to go back on more of it. My thinking is that if I stay off going up on my dose for a long period of time my brain and body will readjust.

Being back in this 3rd hand smoke apartment is disgusting and I already feel sick. I took a nap and woke up terrified for some reason. I figured out I was ok and that things are going to be fine but those few moments were terrifying. 
432 pm going for walk now to get ice cream 

thanks spenitate dor your help 

 

[Margaret1]

Another thing I remember is that I was on 20 mg for years and I struggled the whole time. 

[Spenitate]

2 hours ago, Margaret1 said:

I was feeling better then it hits me again the depressive low. The medicine should have cleared from my system by now. So I think this is me but when I have felt this awful before I have gone back in a cocktail of meds. I haven’t felt this bad in 10 years since I was last off them. But then it was worse because I went to nothing from 40 mg paroxetine. But this time I have gone from seroquel, gabapentin, trazodone and 40 mg paroxetine to 20 mg paroxetine only. I am so grateful I found this site and decided to stick to 20 mg paroxetine at least. The real withdrawal, the serious no joking withdrawal is happening now after three months. Wow. I am trying to be strong but it is hard as I don’t have what you would call a full schedule every day and spend a lot of time in my thoughts. I want a full schedule but this will take time.

I had the thought that I could be hurting myself by entering this depression without going back up on paroxetine for a while and then going down later. But I just don’t want to go back on more of it. My thinking is that if I stay off going up on my dose for a long period of time my brain and body will readjust.

Being back in this 3rd hand smoke apartment is disgusting and I already feel sick. I took a nap and woke up terrified for some reason. I figured out I was ok and that things are going to be fine but those few moments were terrifying. 
432 pm going for walk now to get ice cream 

thanks spenitate dor your help 

 

I just wanted to remind you that however awful you feel you have done beyond amazingly to get to this point with you drugs. The withdrawal is awful but you are progressing and healing. I have the same fears and terrors but between the worst moments I can believe there will be an ending 

[Margaret1]

Slept well last night. Made a cup of coffee this morning to drive off depression. Maybe should not of had coffee but I felt I could handle it. I haven’t had coffee in two days and I missed it. And this morning not feeling the horrible waves of anxious thoughts. I am going to work today as I picked up an extra shift. When I used to go to work time seemed to go by so quickly but now somehow,time can go by exceedingly slow. Not always, but I think how I experience time is different now. I think I am more connected to the world around me. Two days ago as I was going to lying down for bed  I noticed the late evening sun coming through the wooden blinds at an angle. The color of the light was a dark amber and it made the room have a presence and a feeling of beauty. It’s not that I didn’t experience beauty when I was on the medicines it’s just now I seemed immersed in the room and a sense of calmness came over me. I have read that paroxetine and other psych meds can cause one to not be able to sit down and just be still comfortably. It’s like you are wired up inside and can’t find contentment in stillness. The other night, during that window, I felt so calm and still and my body

andnmind finally could be still again. 
this is a first and I am still taking 20 mg of paroxetine and don’t plan on lowering this anytime soon. But I do think for a moment the overwhelming feeling and anxiety left me and this was a relief. 

[Margaret1]

Not feeling as amped up today. Thankfully. The underlying feeling of body unease and depressive thoughts are present but the anxiety has eased. Having memory of when I was last on 20 mg paroxetine over 15 years ago before I upped the dose to 40 and the feeling in my body I had at that time. The ache in my mind and the anxiety in my body. The loss of interest in anything as well as the loss of brilliance from the world around me. Knowing this is my mind not reality. The world is a beautiful thing to experience. Suffering again now. But knowing I can change this? Is this suffering I am currently in something I can control with thought and action? Exercise, food choices, focusing on the positive, being a part of community and helping others in need, etc what things I can do to feel better or will these feelings and thoughts still haunt me.

I don’t want to future trip. I will give my mind time to process these changes I’ve made with medications. It’s been almost 4 months since last change and I want to give this a year. 
I do think we need connections with other people in some way no matter how minor. I’ve noticed myself much more willing to talk with others now and enjoying this experience. I’ve also noticed not being able to decompress and feel ok in my skin. At times I feel very ungrounded and lack any confidence in myself. This is hard to come off paroxetine. Quite possibly, but I hope not, Big pharm designed this drug to make you want to go back on it when withdrawal hits. 
on a lighter note, well it’s hard to be light these days, my cat is hilarious!