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☼ Brassmonkey: Talking about myself


brassmonkey

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Tom, hi.

 

Thanks so much for stopping by my thread, and for the kind words - much appreciated my friend. I will indeed continue to exercise great caution at these lower doses - the cuts have already proven formidable.

Speaking of cuts, wishing you the best on this most recent drop of yours to 0.8! Totally impressive, and a true testament to how a carefully designed taper, and cautious cutting, lay the foundation of healing.

 

Hang in there,

Dave

1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞

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Hi Wantrelief-- Thanks for dropping by.  I posted this to DesertChild yesterday where I talk about poopout, stabilization and WDnormal.  I gives a bit of my background.   "You call it withdrawal nor

Hi Aberdeen-  yea, I just broke into the dreaded 7mg range.  The first day was rough, but so far the rest of the week has been pretty much WDnormal.  I think I was just too busy last weekend and it hu

Hello everyone. I go be the name Brassmonkey.  I have posted here a few times in the past, but most of you won't remember me.  I am one of the flock of refuges recently from PaxilProgress.  My paxil o

Junglechicken

BM,

 

Just wanted to say hi and many congrats on the recent dose drop, and also 37 yrs of marriage :0)

 

I hope your elbow and back pain clear up too.

 

Hugs,

JC

Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD).  Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal.

Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy.

Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum"Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals.

Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions).

Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking.

Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO.  April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol.   25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L).

Symptoms:  Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing).  **Histhamine intolerance (suspected).

 

Major Life Events: 

Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016

My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs)

Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018  "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018

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Hi Brass, and GrandmaD...I use gelcaps too for when i travel, bc I dont want to bring a scale and all my gear,lol. I used to use gelcaps, so i could make a month or more worth of the same dose and then just take my "pill" every night. But somewhere along the way I got out of the habit and now i just weigh my dose every night and basically take the powder/little chips off the tray and lick it off my finger, thats how small .3mg is.

2 Timothy 1-7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Effexor 75mg to 262.5mg 2005-2010 for post partum depression

Started having poop out mid 2010, also switched generic brands, then crashed in Dec 2010 (anxiety/ "terror", intense DR, anhedonia, suicidal ideation, chills, insomnia, horrible intrusive thoughts, disorientation, ect)
Rapid "tapered" from 262.5mg Effexor in 3 months

Tried Celexa,Cipralex, then Paxil to deal with wd(this switching made things worse and added akathesia)

Found online support and started tapering Paxil 7 months after quitting Effexor (at this point was having small windows).

Paxil taper: dropped 10% every 4-8 weeks

Year 1 October 2011 to Nov 2012 20mg to 10mg

Year 2 March 2013 to Feb 2014 10mg to 4mg

Year 3 April 2014 to May 2015 4mg to 1.1mg

Year 4 June 2015 1.1mg , dropping by 10% until .5mg, after then dropped by 0.1mg every 5 weeks until 0.1mg.

Finished! Official last dose of 0.1mg on June 15/16

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  • Moderator
brassmonkey

I wrote this on another thread about regaining ones zest for life and wanted to share it here too:

 

yes, it comes back as you taper.  These drugs work by making you feel nothing, they suppress ALL your emotions, hopes, desires, passions with out discrimination.  Leaving a person feeling dead inside.  As the  drug is slowly removed from your system all those emotions will start to peek back through in fits and starts.  They will come and go in a very frustrating manner, but slowly they will become more prominent.  Once a person reaches "0" their brain can really start to sort things out and even more improvements are made.  Because each one of us experiences these drugs in a little different manner it's impossible to guess how long it will take for them to fully return, but as we taper things are improving all the time.  Having the patience to let it happen and not try to force it to happen is a hard thing, but it will happen faster if we don't allow ourselves to be desperate for it. 

 

Working little bits each day helps.  Allowing the joy or just imagining the joy in small things helps the brain with it's sorting. Feeling how good a cold drink is, the colors of a flower, the shape of clouds, birds singing.  They're all little things we normally take for granted, that we need to focus on to help the brain recall what joy should feel like. It may not be bubbling over, grab life by the tail exuberance.  That will come in time, for right now we need to uncover and repair the foundation of those feelings so we have a solid base to build on.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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"Working little bits each day helps.  Allowing the joy or just imagining the joy in small things helps the brain with it's sorting. Feeling how good a cold drink is, the colors of a flower, the shape of clouds, birds singing.  They're all little things we normally take for granted, that we need to focus on to help the brain recall what joy should feel like. It may not be bubbling over, grab life by the tail exuberance.  That will come in time, for right now we need to uncover and repair the foundation of those feelings so we have a solid base to build on."

 

Such good advice, and true. Imagining joy is something I do sometimes, interesting way to put it. This could be helpful in this thread!!! http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2873-anhedonia-apathy-demotivation-emotional-numbness/

2 Timothy 1-7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Effexor 75mg to 262.5mg 2005-2010 for post partum depression

Started having poop out mid 2010, also switched generic brands, then crashed in Dec 2010 (anxiety/ "terror", intense DR, anhedonia, suicidal ideation, chills, insomnia, horrible intrusive thoughts, disorientation, ect)
Rapid "tapered" from 262.5mg Effexor in 3 months

Tried Celexa,Cipralex, then Paxil to deal with wd(this switching made things worse and added akathesia)

Found online support and started tapering Paxil 7 months after quitting Effexor (at this point was having small windows).

Paxil taper: dropped 10% every 4-8 weeks

Year 1 October 2011 to Nov 2012 20mg to 10mg

Year 2 March 2013 to Feb 2014 10mg to 4mg

Year 3 April 2014 to May 2015 4mg to 1.1mg

Year 4 June 2015 1.1mg , dropping by 10% until .5mg, after then dropped by 0.1mg every 5 weeks until 0.1mg.

Finished! Official last dose of 0.1mg on June 15/16

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How brilliant The way you put them in words with absolute wisdom and logic, Brass!

 

Love each word of it!

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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  • Administrator

Brassmonkey, that was truly poetic. I'm looking forward to feeling that joy. Beautiful post. 

Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

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  • Moderator
brassmonkey

Thank you ladies.  We can't let WD take everything from us.  Maintaining the smallest spark is paramount to survival because with time that spark can be nursed back into a bonfire.  I am deeply concerned at how easily people want to give up on the things that make us human and are the very things that are needed to pull us out of the dark places.  These are the things I did to pull me through the darkest parts of my poopout and the emotional isolation and uncertainty of the early parts of my taper.  The beauty of nature is a constantly available handhold, always there to use to pull ourselves up from the depths.  The magnificence of a pitch black cave, the raw energy of a thunderstorm, the quiet of a blanket of snow. The secret of life in a seed of corm.  Their power is all around us, we just have to open our selves to it and let it do it's work.  Once we understand that the power is in us, there is no reason that we can't survive and thrive.

 

On a different note, it took a week and a half but the agitation caught up with me this morning. It always takes me a little while to catch on to the tricks it's playing, but once I do I can get it under control fairly quickly and know how to counter it until I do.  Took about an hour, but its fine now.  Just feeling a bit drained because it takes a lot of energy and the first part of this post always makes me very emotional which can be tiring too.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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  • Moderator

Tom.

 

As always you continue to be an inspiration to so many on this board, blazing a trail down to the low numbers.

 

Glad you continue well on your path and that you were able to get past the agitation.

 

You are making fabulous progress and are seeing the real fruits of your labor.

 

Best to you as you soldier on.

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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I see what you mean, Brass. Small things of joy has been very important to me during taper, and especially nature is a great healer. It inspires us with its ongoing desire to grow, live... and just be. Being in nature is very important to me.

Sending hugs!

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

 

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

 

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg

2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg

2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg

2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg

2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg

2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

 

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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  • Administrator

Maintaining the smallest spark is paramount to survival because with time that spark can be nursed back into a bonfire.  I am deeply concerned at how easily people want to give up on the things that make us human and are the very things that are needed to pull us out of the dark places. 

 

These two lines really "spoke" to me tonight. The longer I'm off all of these meds, the more I sense this terrifying but beautiful depth of soul that I think is that "spark" you're talking about. The things that make us human. What psychiatry and these drugs took away.

 

But it's still there. It's not something that leaves. It just dims to give us the space we need. 

 

Thanks for your post, Brass. I hope you're feeling better. 

Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

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  • Moderator
brassmonkey

I just posted this on another thread and wanted to share it here too:

 

When I was in Film School we were taught that "there is the film you imagine, the film you write, and the film you finally produce".  The same is true with life "the life you dream, the life you plan, and the life you live".  If you can have elements of the first and second in the third then you're a success.  It's all about being content with what you have and making it your own and not about trying to force something that isn't going to happen.

 

I went back to school and got my engineering degree at 36.  It gave me the basis for my second and third careers.  Not the glamorous show business career I stated with, but it paid for a beautiful house in a beautiful neighborhood, new and decent used cars as needed, foreign travel and experiences I wouldn't trade anything for. Now that I'm ending my third career, among other things I'll be dabbling back in show biz because I enjoy it. It can seem like a trite saying but it's so true: "life isn't about the destination, it's about the twists and turns of the path along the way." He who has the most toys in the end doesn't win, it's the one who can slay a cloud dragon with a stick that does.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Wow BM you are amazing!

Thats some accomplishment doing an engineering degree as an adult student.

 

nz11

Theres no business like show business like no business i know!!

 

Went to NY many years ago... got tickets, 10 bucks to the Phantom on Braodway, standing room only at the back ...then after the first act you can sneak down and sit in the seats. Yeah!! [should have stayed in NY i guess ....for obvious reasons!!]

Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen

We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. 

URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting  for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing.

http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01651   

Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos.

Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you

Recovering paxil addict

None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. 

This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! 

  "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped."  Dr Mosher. Me too! 

Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015

I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015

Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017

 

 

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  • Moderator
brassmonkey

One of the real cultural centers of the world NZ11.  Too bad it's such a nasty place to live (my personal opinion, I know I'd get a lot of arguments, but I just don't like the place.)  Out here the cultural stuff is really all glitz and glamour and has no real substance.

 

At night with a full time job.  Monica took a bunch of enrichment courses at the same time so we kinda shared a second college experience while working as a life style thing for  a few years.  It was really rather fun for the most part.  Except College Algebra, took three tries to get that one out of the way.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Gee it gets even more amazing you did it at night-class with a fulltime job! oh boy!

I thought algae-bra was what a mermaid wore to maths class!

Anyway I think algebra is not really needed ...unless you are a pirate!...and need to find X.

 

I told the algebra teacher to stop asking me to find your X.....she ain't comin back and don't ask me Y!

 

nz11 lol

Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen

We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. 

URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting  for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing.

http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01651   

Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos.

Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you

Recovering paxil addict

None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. 

This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! 

  "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped."  Dr Mosher. Me too! 

Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015

I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015

Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017

 

 

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Once we understand that the power is in us, there is no reason that we can't survive and thrive.

 

He who has the most toys in the end doesn't win, it's the one who can slay a cloud dragon with a stick that does.

 

You come up with the most wonderful quotes!

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

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Brassbonkey post:  " He who has the most toys in the end doesn't win, it's the one who can slay a cloud dragon with a stick that does.

 

What a great saying! As you say, no matter how many "toys" you might have, they are useless to you when you are not strong and healthy.  No amount of money can help in this situation either.

 

I have struggled for donkeys years about feeling useless and without worth, but learnt a valuable lesson that our worth is not found in what we do but who we are.  I have finally come to accept that "my work" is to get off this rotten poison.  That is probably the hardest work/job any person has ever had to go through day in and day out for years and years and years. 

 

I am sure most of us see ourselves as weak, without a hope or a future and destined for destruction, but your saying gives us a new perspective - that of a knight bearing a stick (small and insignificant as it is) who can slay this evil dragon with time, endurance, perseverance and courage!

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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Hi BrassMonkey, 

 

I've read through most of your thread - what a journey! I am just starting mine for the 3rd time. Did you ever have horrible insomnia with your drops? That is what I fear most and am most sensitive to when my dose changes :( 

 

If so how did you combat this? Thanks and blessings to you!

Meg

Sep '18 - became pregnant  in late August, then on 9/5 insomnia/anxiety went THROUGH the roof. I tried a lot of things but here is what is current: 

Paroxetine: 6.2mg (began 9/5/18, and there was a new manufacturer of which I just found out 2 days ago) during the day

Olanzapine 7.5mg at night

Ambien: 5-10mg at night

Xanex: 5-10mg at night

Fish Oil: for prenatal things

 

  • Aug '18: Paroxetine 6.6mg, (30mg thyroid hormone, fish oil, vit D3, SBI protect, probiotic. Following AIP diet)
  • Mar '16: began taper from 20mg. Decreasing .75mg or less each month or more. Sporadically used Ambien &/or Trazodone for insomnia. 
  •  Sep'15: tried to come off slower. Used fish oil, vit D3, and regular exercise/healthy diet to assist. (Taper sched= 18mg for 60days, 15mg for 60d, 10mg for 30d, 8mg for 30d) At my 3rd week of 8mg in Nov '15, insomnia and panic attacks began. Back up to 20mg after a month of horrible withdrawal. 
  • Oct'12-Sep'15: 20mg Paxil
  • Sep'12: 1st attempt to get off, naively tried cold turkey per Dr. suggestion. Couldn't work for 2 months. Another Doc upped dose to 20mg.
  • Jun '09-Aug '12: 10mg Paxil for severe insomnia due to anxiety. Also took Ambien/Trazodone for sleep.  Other meds taken sporadically: Ativan, Abilify, Xyrem 

 

My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus' blood and righteousness. 

 

 

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brassmonkey

Hi meg-- thanks for dropping in and I'm impressed that you've read the whole thread.  Hopefully your third try will be the charm. Going very slow and listening to your body is the big key.  Especially at the lower doses, 3mg and down.

 

I've been very lucky in that I have not gotten bad insomnia.  There were several drops where I did get very disturbed sleep for a few weeks at a time, but it always passed.  The biggest thing I can think of for insomnia is to "not let it bother you".  Easy to say, but adding secondary anxiety to the mix is a sure way spoil any sleep you do get.  When it comes down to it, just quietly lying in bed for a few hours a night is enough to keep a person going for a long time.  Before I started on paxil I had a very stressful job that I worked 70 hours a week which did give me insomnia.  There was a 10 month stretch during which I usually got two and a half hours a night on the good nights.  By not letting it bother me I was able to push ahead each day and eventually got through it.  Also when in WD it is very common to sleep with out noticing it. The drugs keep the mind in an active state even though the body is asleep, so the sleep goes unnoticed.  The next day the mind may be tired from all the thinking but the body ends up somewhat rested.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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thank you :) Appreciate the insight, very glad you didn't have bad insomnia!

Sep '18 - became pregnant  in late August, then on 9/5 insomnia/anxiety went THROUGH the roof. I tried a lot of things but here is what is current: 

Paroxetine: 6.2mg (began 9/5/18, and there was a new manufacturer of which I just found out 2 days ago) during the day

Olanzapine 7.5mg at night

Ambien: 5-10mg at night

Xanex: 5-10mg at night

Fish Oil: for prenatal things

 

  • Aug '18: Paroxetine 6.6mg, (30mg thyroid hormone, fish oil, vit D3, SBI protect, probiotic. Following AIP diet)
  • Mar '16: began taper from 20mg. Decreasing .75mg or less each month or more. Sporadically used Ambien &/or Trazodone for insomnia. 
  •  Sep'15: tried to come off slower. Used fish oil, vit D3, and regular exercise/healthy diet to assist. (Taper sched= 18mg for 60days, 15mg for 60d, 10mg for 30d, 8mg for 30d) At my 3rd week of 8mg in Nov '15, insomnia and panic attacks began. Back up to 20mg after a month of horrible withdrawal. 
  • Oct'12-Sep'15: 20mg Paxil
  • Sep'12: 1st attempt to get off, naively tried cold turkey per Dr. suggestion. Couldn't work for 2 months. Another Doc upped dose to 20mg.
  • Jun '09-Aug '12: 10mg Paxil for severe insomnia due to anxiety. Also took Ambien/Trazodone for sleep.  Other meds taken sporadically: Ativan, Abilify, Xyrem 

 

My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus' blood and righteousness. 

 

 

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I have struggled for donkeys years about feeling useless and without worth, but learnt a valuable lesson that our worth is not found in what we do but who we are.  I have finally come to accept that "my work" is to get off this rotten poison.  That is probably the hardest work/job any person has ever had to go through day in and day out for years and years and years. 

 

I am sure most of us see ourselves as weak, without a hope or a future and destined for destruction, but your saying gives us a new perspective - that of a knight bearing a stick (small and insignificant as it is) who can slay this evil dragon with time, endurance, perseverance and courage!

 

I agree, GrandmaD, I'm going through all the same lessons myself!  Your new name for Brass - Brassbonkey! - gave me a chuckle.

 

I've found with insomnia, there are two kinds.  I don't mind it that much if it is just insomnia.  It's the anxiety kind of insomnia that I find really hard going.

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

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I've found with insomnia, there are two kinds.  I don't mind it that much if it is just insomnia.  It's the anxiety kind of insomnia that I find really hard going.

 

 

Songbird, this is so very true. Insomnia definitely has been one of the worst symptoms for me, but separating the "fear" of sleep and handling that as a stand-alone "anxiety" symptom apart from the insomnia was very helpful.

 

After several nights without sleep, it's easy to really believe that there's been permanent damage and this can lend itself to a type of mental paralysis where we're trapped thinking we're broken. But like Brassmonkey so wisely reminds us, "when in WD it is very common to sleep with out noticing it."

 

I've read about "micro sleep" - http://www.sleepdex.org/microsleep.htm  I had many episodes of micro sleeping when I was in acute benzo and z-drug withdrawal.

 

The mind is powerful and has ways of compensating. We just have to step out of the way and try not to worry. The mind knows what it's doing even if we don't. 

 

Brassmonkey, I've been reading about your journey and finding it inspiring. I've also had a couple of journeys back to school at night, going from accounting to English literature, and into graphic design. And I'm finding more and more of the most artistic people struggling with these types of meds. Not sure if there is a correlation, though. But it's nice to be on a website full of smart, creative people who are helping me find my way out of this nightmare. My memory was temporarily destroyed long enough that I wrecked my last career, so I'm starting over, working as a bookkeeper in non-profit social justice, and slowly finding my way back.

 

There may even be another voyage back to night school in my future. Life is cool like that.   B)

Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

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brassmonkey

"The mind is powerful and has ways of compensating. We just have to step out of the way and try not to worry. The mind knows what it's doing even if we don't. "

 

I'm going to steal that Shep, very well put.  The mix of people on this board is amazing and is one of the reasons I keep coming back day after day.  Through out history the artistic/creative people have been a little "different" and I think this situation helps to prove that it's a real thing and not just being "emotionally high strung".

 

At one time Monica and I thought attending classes was going to be a life long endeavor.  We've pulled way back because of other things but still make time for learning situations.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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"The mind is powerful and has ways of compensating. We just have to step out of the way and try not to worry. The mind knows what it's doing even if we don't. "

 

I'm going to steal that Shep, very well put.  The mix of people on this board is amazing and is one of the reasons I keep coming back day after day.  Through out history the artistic/creative people have been a little "different" and I think this situation helps to prove that it's a real thing and not just being "emotionally high strung".

 

At one time Monica and I thought attending classes was going to be a life long endeavor.  We've pulled way back because of other things but still make time for learning situations.

 

Feel free to "steal" that quote, Brassmonkey. There are many of your lines I'd like to steal! I've enjoyed reading your thread. 

 

Before I really started having cognitive problems, I was getting into some of the free online courses available. It's really amazing what you can learn now completely for free like Kahn Academy.org and Edx.org.  All of their classes are free, kind of like an "open source" education. 

Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

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Through out history the artistic/creative people have been a little "different" and I think this situation helps to prove that it's a real thing and not just being "emotionally high strung".

 

I believe many of us are in the category of "highly sensitive persons" (HSPs).  I believe it's definitely a real thing.

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

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GrandaD I love what you said about our worth, our job, all of that. Thank you!! I needed to hear that. I work in two jobs that are well below my education (and former pay) level and it gets me down sometimes but with two young kids and cognitive wd stuff...I know its all i can manage right now. Brassbonkey,lol.

2 Timothy 1-7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Effexor 75mg to 262.5mg 2005-2010 for post partum depression

Started having poop out mid 2010, also switched generic brands, then crashed in Dec 2010 (anxiety/ "terror", intense DR, anhedonia, suicidal ideation, chills, insomnia, horrible intrusive thoughts, disorientation, ect)
Rapid "tapered" from 262.5mg Effexor in 3 months

Tried Celexa,Cipralex, then Paxil to deal with wd(this switching made things worse and added akathesia)

Found online support and started tapering Paxil 7 months after quitting Effexor (at this point was having small windows).

Paxil taper: dropped 10% every 4-8 weeks

Year 1 October 2011 to Nov 2012 20mg to 10mg

Year 2 March 2013 to Feb 2014 10mg to 4mg

Year 3 April 2014 to May 2015 4mg to 1.1mg

Year 4 June 2015 1.1mg , dropping by 10% until .5mg, after then dropped by 0.1mg every 5 weeks until 0.1mg.

Finished! Official last dose of 0.1mg on June 15/16

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brassmonkey

Things have been so active the past several weeks I haven't taken the time to post here.  I'm into week four at this dose and doing well.  My schedule is all over the place for the next month with a lot of big doings.  I was thinking of holding here until things settle down, but that's at least a month away, so I'm torn.  Not sure if I want another big shake up in the next several weeks or not.

 

We are just about to sign with a contractor for a kitchen remodel.  It's been two years on the making and finally looks like it's going to happen.  We even started the mass destruction last weekend by removing the wall between the family room and the kitchen. It really changes things a lot.  Monica just confirmed that we have an appointment with the designer tomorrow afternoon.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Glad to hear the drop is going well! I am seriously in awe of your energy. Just reading your posts tires me out. LOL. :)

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

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Love the positive energy!

Feel the great feeling of life.

 

Thanks Brass! I benefit every post from you :)

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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GrandaD I love what you said about our worth, our job, all of that. Thank you!! I needed to hear that. I work in two jobs that are well below my education (and former pay) level and it gets me down sometimes but with two young kids and cognitive wd stuff...I know its all i can manage right now.

 

Me too - well, except that I have two teenagers, but otherwise, ditto!

 

Good to hear you are doing well, Brass.  A kitchen remodel sounds exciting.

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

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  • Administrator

 

We are just about to sign with a contractor for a kitchen remodel.  It's been two years on the making and finally looks like it's going to happen.  We even started the mass destruction last weekend by removing the wall between the family room and the kitchen. It really changes things a lot.  Monica just confirmed that we have an appointment with the designer tomorrow afternoon.

 

 

Hi, brassmonkey. This is so good to read. You left a wise comment on my Intro thread a few days ago:

 

 

 

Because this is such a long slow process I have found that the rebuilding just happens as we go along.  As we progress to a slightly higher plateau one or two more bricks fall into place and before we know it we have a structure started.  There needs to be some conscience work  on our part, but as with everything in WD, trying to make it happen frequently backfires.  I also find it much more productive to not focus on either the symptoms or the collateral damage, but to let them fade into the background as much as possible while working around them to maintain as normal a life as I can.  Some people refer to it as "mindfulness", some as "living in the now" and some as "just getting your head into it".  Each is a little different approach, but they combine quite effectively.

 

 

And I can't help drawing a parallel between the physical re-build in your kitchen remodel and the internal, psychological re-build of withdrawal. Just like in re-building a kitchen, sometimes there has to be a similar "mass destruction" first, and then the magic can happen. 
 
It's wonderful to read your post.  It has a "restorative" vibe to it. Best of luck in both kinds of the re-build. 

Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

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brassmonkey

Thank you ladies, I really enjoy hearing from each of you, and I'm glad I can make a difference for you too.

 

I posted this to another member and thought I would share it here too.  They were panicked by an unexpected and bad wave and took several big doses of their old med to try and combat it and wondered if those doses had undone all the healing they had accomplished so far.

 

No, all it is doing is causing a hiccup.   It would take a full dose of paxil for several months to undo all the healing.

 

During the eight and a half years you took paxil there was a lot of "rewiring" going on in your brain.  Physical changes to the nerves.  Most of the changes happened in the first few months but kept getting reinforced the rest of the time.  Doing a long slow taper allowed your brain to undo those changes a little at a time and put things back to the way nature designed them.  By the time you reach "0" a lot of those changes have been made, but they continue for a while after jumping off.  By the time you're 20 months out a lot more, probably most of the changes have been completed.  We actually don't know how long it takes for them to be complete.   So there are still "repairs' going on.  The wave happened because the brain found a part that still needed work and in doing so it set off some symptoms.

 

By throwing some paxil at the situation it causes the brain to go "what the ..." and it doesn't understand how it should make the changes.  Should it leave things the way they are, work with the paxil and have to change everything back the other way, or should it continue with the changes it was making.  It doesn't like having the paxil around, as it gets in the way and this sets off more symptoms. Over a few weeks, as the paxil works it's way out of your system and the brain figures out what is going on the symptoms subside.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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brassmonkey

Well it's been an eventful day and it's just gone noon.  I have decided to stick to my schedule and went ahead and did my next drop this morning so I am now taking 0.72mg.  I should be past the biggest part of the symptoms in time for our trip to Savana, Ga. at the end of the month.  We booked all the tickets last night  so it's a done deal.  The trip is to be a celebration of my entering into retirement.  After 40 plus years as a wage slave I declared by freedom this morning by quitting my job.  I have to finish out the month, which is only proper, then jump on a plane and leave the work-a-day world behind.  Monica and I have been finalizing plans for this for a couple of years now.  Actual planning started when we got together 37 years ago and for me from the time I started my first job.  After the initial shock has worn off I am so excited I can't see straight.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Congrats brassmonkey :)

My suggestions are not medical advice. They are my opinions based on my own experience, strength and hope.

You are in charge of your own medical / healing / recovery choices.

My success story |  My introduction thread

 

ZOLOFT FREE - COMPLETELY DRUG FREE 4/28/2019! - total time on 28+ years

BENZO FREE! 4/7/2018 - total time on 27+ years

REMERON FREE! 12/11/2016 - total time on 15 months

Caffeine & Nicotine Free 2014 / 2015 - smoked for 28 years

Alcohol Free 4/1/2014 - drank for 30 years

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Wow, congratulations, Brass! How exciting! A new era starts in your life. Soon both drug free and job free!

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

 

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

 

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg

2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg

2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg

2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg

2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg

2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

 

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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Party time Brass and Monica!

congratulations and hugs!

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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