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Deep despair, dread, doom, horror


Barbarannamated
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Most of us have expressed feeling dread, especially upon awakening. Depression (outside of withdrawal) is often worse in the morning and associated with early morning wakenings. How do dread and depression differ?

My early morning cortisol panics have subsided but dread has taken over. I'm rethinking the need to block light out again after rereading Alto's post that morning dread is also likely related to cortisol/light. I was travelling and in hotels w/convenient blackout curtains that helped the AM panic almost immediately, but now at home and get light in the morning.

Also, has anyone correlated sleep changes or dreaming to how you feel upon awakening? I dream infrequently (or remember infrequently).

 

Any input appreciated.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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i find that if i have been actively dreaming (well remembering my dreams) just prior to wakening i am more likely to feel down. I was reading about how are thoughts get attached to feelings and how this can feed the depression cycle, which makes sense. The last few days i have been consciously trying to observe my thoughts/ feelings rather than analysing

Started in 2000 - On 150mg most of the time, (but up to 225mg at highest dose for 6 months in the beginning)
Reduced off easily first time - but got depressed (not too much anxiety) 6 months later
Back on effexor for another 9 months.
Reduced off again with no immediate w/d - suddenly got depressed and anxious ++ again 3 or 4 months later.
Back on effexor - this time for 3 years
Reduced off over a month - 6 weeks later terrible anxiety - back on.
Rinse and repeat 4 more times - each time the period before the anxiety comes back got shorter and shorter
Jan - July 2012 75mg down to 37.5mg;, 8/3/12 - 35mg. 8/25/12 - 32mg. 9/11- 28mg, 10/2 - 25mg, 10/29 - 22mg, 11/19 - 19.8mg; 12/11 - 17m,
1/1- 15.5mg; 1/22 -14mg, 2/7 14.9mg, 2/18 - 17.8mg - crashed big time: back to 75mg where i sat for 2 years....

4th  March 2015 - 67.5mg;   31st March - 60mg;  24th April - 53mg; 13th May - 48mg; 26th May - 45mg;  9th June - 41mg; 1 July- 37.5mg; 20 July - 34mg; 11 August - 31mg; 1st Sept - 28mg;  1st Dec - 25.8mg;  28th Dec - 23.2mg; 23rd Jan-21.9mg; Feb 7th- 21mg; March 1st - 20.1mg, March 30th - 18mg

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I did this for years. I never understood why. I always woke up as if some horrific tragedy was going to strike since I just slept. All this slowly went away for me after a lot of self help with affirmations and such. As far as that horrible gloomy, dread of life feeling that comes with w/d, that would happen all day long, not just on waking. I'm glad I don't do that anymore.

Taper from Cymbalta, Paxil, Prozac & Antipsychotics finished June 2012.

Xanax 5% Taper - (8/12 - .5 mg) - (9/12 - .45) - (10/12 - .43) - (11/12 - .41) - (12/12 - .38)

My Paxil Website

My Intro

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I had episodes of dread when waking up well before taking any ADs. I think it's related to dreams that haven't quite gone away when you wake up. Mine were always about not going in to work and then realizing, at the very end of the day, that I hadn't called in sick. At that point there was only an hour to half an hour left in the work day and I could never find a phone or any other way to communicate. Even though I've been retired since early September, I still have these nightmares about my former job, but they're fewer and farther between. My episodes are anxiety-based rather than any sign of depression.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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I did this for years. I never understood why. I always woke up as if some horrific tragedy was going to strike since I just slept. All this slowly went away for me after a lot of self help with affirmations and such. As far as that horrible gloomy, dread of life feeling that comes with w/d, that would happen all day long, not just on waking. I'm glad I don't do that anymore.

 

Dread of life sums it up.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • 4 weeks later...

I've had nightmares in past that I went back to visit PA and couldn't get back to CA and job ~ planes not flying ~couldnt call work to let them know etc -

Then I told my cousin who lives in CA also and she had same recurring nightmare but was stuck in Ohio where her family lived ~

Her older brother in CA had same nightmare ~

 

There was a good reason they filmed All the Right Moves in my hometown -

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Barbara...

 

My Therapist & a friend of mine told me what I was experiencing in the AM which is anxiety, is also DREAD.

 

For me, there is anticipatory anxiety, prior to waking or upon waking I fear the anxiety/dread and this brings it on.

 

It has plagued me for many years. There are other factors involved for me. Fear. worrying chronically about succeeding. Financial worries. I pay my bills, but I am not where I want to be.

 

I really believe that the anxiety from w/d makes AM anxiety worse than it ever was. Like a PTSD thingy. These drugs cause ridiculous dreams.

 

For many, many years I had a recurring dream that really bothered me. I finally decided to tell the Therapist and she explained it to me ~ NEVER HAD IT AGAIN

 

If you are in counseling and having distrubing dreams tell the Therapist and let them explain it to you. Really worked.

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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Barbara...

 

My Therapist & a friend of mine told me what I was experiencing in the AM which is anxiety, is also DREAD.

 

For me, there is anticipatory anxiety, prior to waking or upon waking I fear the anxiety/dread and this brings it on.

 

It has plagued me for many years. There are other factors involved for me. Fear. worrying chronically about succeeding. Financial worries. I pay my bills, but I am not where I want to be.

 

I really believe that the anxiety from w/d makes AM anxiety worse than it ever was. Like a PTSD thingy. These drugs cause ridiculous dreams.

 

For many, many years I had a recurring dream that really bothered me. I finally decided to tell the Therapist and she explained it to me ~ NEVER HAD IT AGAIN

 

If you are in counseling and having distrubing dreams tell the Therapist and let them explain it to you. Really worked.

 

'Anticipatory anxiety' is such a good term that Alex also used recently but I hadn't heard before.

 

I rarely remember dreams although I feel like something critical is going on just before I wake. This morning I fell back to sleep and woke up with the same awful feeling, almost like my dream picked up when I fell back to sleep.

I haven't been in regular therapy for many years - the last time was before starting meds. I tried MANY times, but couldn't find therapist I felt comfortable with (extremely limited by insurance).

 

Thank you, Nikki. I hesitate to write in the mornings because I feel so horrid. Had extra stressors in past week that are escalating everything.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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OMG when I post in the morning and I go back and read it later on I can see the difference.

 

Dread ~ anxiety ~ fear and self bashing & shame....You know..."why doesn't anyone else have this?"

 

My friend says when she wakes up she immediately says "Thank you God, I love your Rhea"

I've practiced this and it does help. Last week I was into "nope, not going there, hit the bricks anxiety, what purpose is this serving". That was good too.

 

I do some daily readings followed by journaling and that helps.

 

My BFF who has a really good life, wakes up in the middle of the night with this. That's worse.

 

If I tell you my dream, you will either never speak to me again or die laughing....

 

I am from Brooklyn Heights, went to Catholic Schools (scene of the crime)

 

I would dream about flying naked over Brooklyn, over the school, and them plopping down in my desk, face to face with a Nun with no homework. :blush:

 

The Theapist said...being naked in a dream is being extremely vulnerable and victimized, no protection. Flying was my means of escape....I could always take off again and those damn nuns couldn't catch me.

 

You are either ROTFLL or you may want to have me banned. Believe me Catholic School was where all my anxiety and insecurities began :mad:

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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Good one!!

Thank you for sharing! You triggered my memory of repeated dreams of working at Wendy's (college) and I'd have top half of my uniform on and discover I forgot the pants! I couldn't fly away although I may have had some dreams of flying.

It's amazing how ingrained those experiences are and how they effect us.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Believe me Catholic School was where all my anxiety and insecurities began :mad:

 

My Mother went to Catholic School BEFORE Vatican II, back when mass was spoken in Latin, back when it was uber misgynostic, back when nuns hit little children. She is 73 now and still has nightmares about it. She still says "those nuns mean, nasty, horrible human beings".

 

Also, my husband credits his "neurosis" to Catholic School in Staten Island.

 

So, I am so very sorry you had to endure that.

Withdrew cold turkey from six medications: Celexa, Zyprexa, Depakote, Ativan, Ambien and Phentermine in 2002. It has been 10 years since I told polypharmacy to take a hike and have joined this forum to let others know that success is possible and to hopefully save people from experiencing the suffering that I did under psychiatric "care".

 

MY STORY

 

"TENSION is when we try to be who we think we should be, RELAXATION is when we are who we really are."

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Hi

 

I am fairly new to this website. I can relate to waking up in fear and having a feeling of dread. I do not know if I have been dreaming or what. I usually try to

 

get myself up out bed, look around me...then have a self conversation of... #1)I have a roof over my head #2)I have food to eat #3) My relationships with

 

friends, neighbors and family are okay #4)No one I love is ill or dying #5) My pets are okay #6) I have enough money to get by and #7) My house is not perfect,

 

but it is clean enough not be embarrassed if someone dropped by. Oh yes,I must not forget... my car may need a bath, but it is running okay.. Then I take my dog

 

for a walk and see that nothing has changed outside. The trees are still beautiful and the grass is mostly green. I often, but not always feel better. I think it

 

helps me realize that the reality of what is around me, is better than what is going on in my sometimes messed up head.

 

When or if things change in my life for the worst, I know I will deal with them the best that I can. I have had tragedies in my life that I have dealt with, and

 

know the strength is there within me to draw on if I need it.

 

the worst, then I will deal with them the best I can

Effexor XL 2009-2012. CT 150mg Effexor XR  2012, Effexor XR  75mg  2012  then rapid taper to 0, Reinstated Effexor XR 13mg then updosed to 20mg, Tapered to 18mg Effexor XR 4/9/12, Off Effexor XL ?Reinstated  Effexor XL 150 mgs  August  2012, Crashed in November 2012, Prozac 40 mgs 2012 to Feb 2018, Buspar 60  mgs 2012-stopped 2015, Remeron 7.5 mgs as needed for sleep-stopped Feb 2017, Prozac 50 mgs Feb 2018 to March 2018, Lexapro 5 mgs March 18 2018 to May 17th 2018, Lexapro 2.5 mgs  May 18th to May 26th 2018, Prozac 10 mgs May 15th 2018, Prozac 5 mgs May 19th 2018 to current day May 28th 2018,  Xanax 0.25 mgs to 0.5 mgs daily for over 15 years. Increased Xanax to 1.5 mgs Sept 2012, Tapered Xanax to 0 mgs  May 2013.Reinstated Xanax Feb 2017 at 0.125 mgs as needed, Gradual increase of Xanax to 1.5 mgs daily till May 22nd 2018, Xanax 1.25 mgs daily. Holding

 

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EW it is so good that you get out of the house quickly in the AM. Going thru the mental list of 'everything is okay' is good too.

 

When I was going thru my divorce, my friend used to tell me to look down at my feet. To see where I was planted and things around me were okay. Like you do.

 

Barbara...let's analyze your dream and maybe it will go away. No pants...were you feeling vulnerable at that job? Did you get picked apart or feel demoralized. Customers can be very condescening and as a server you are always under a microscope.

 

Okay next dream...

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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  • Moderator Emeritus

 

I am from Brooklyn Heights, went to Catholic Schools (scene of the crime)

 

I would dream about flying naked over Brooklyn, over the school, and them plopping down in my desk, face to face with a Nun with no homework. :blush:

 

The Theapist said...being naked in a dream is being extremely vulnerable and victimized, no protection. Flying was my means of escape....I could always take off again and those damn nuns couldn't catch me.

 

You are either ROTFLL or you may want to have me banned. Believe me Catholic School was where all my anxiety and insecurities began :mad:

 

I believe you. I've heard many horror stories from friends and acquaintences who went to Catholic schools.

 

My own experience was particularly awful. I'm not Catholic and never have been, but I wound up in a Catholic hospital following a suicide attempt in 1980. I was depressed over my second divorce and even more depressed that I hadn't succeeded in offing myself. I will never forget the nun who appeared at the foot of my bed and admonished me very nastily for having committed a sin. Her comment made me feel even more miserable.

 

It is amazing how experiences stick with you long afer the fact, like my dreams of being AWOL from work, never mind I retired last September. That dream hasn't recurred for a couple of months now, and I hope it's gone for good.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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My own experience was particularly awful. I'm not Catholic and never have been, but I wound up in a Catholic hospital following a suicide attempt in 1980. I was depressed over my second divorce and even more depressed that I hadn't succeeded in offing myself. I will never forget the nun who appeared at the foot of my bed and admonished me very nastily for having committed a sin. Her comment made me feel even more miserable.

 

Just what a suicidally depressed person needs... some GUILT piled on. GRRRR}}}

 

I'm so sorry, Jemima. I think that most people are still clueless and selfish in talking about suicide.

 

RE: morning anxiety/writing, etc. - my husband asked me the other afternoon 'why do you seem normal now compared to earlier?' I thought i had explained how mornings are much worse, cortisol, etc. but he finally saw it for himself.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Jemima....what a horrid thing for that nun to have said to you. I had 12 years of Catholic Schools. Sent my daughter to public school and by the way....a suicide attempt in not a sin, it is an act of desperation. The 'sin' was how that uncaring nun spoke to you.

 

Barbara I should practice this myself, but I run downstairs to make coffee..From the bed go directly into the shower. It shuts down the cortisol dump. Do the works, shampoo, condition, shave legs/underarms. It really does make me feel better.

 

I love how I give advise and then neglect to practice it myself.

 

Hugs

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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Interesting about the shower - cortisol dump. In my readings somewhere, i recall someone saying that hot showers may worsen symptoms and tepid showers are better. I have no idea if there is any validity to this!

 

Seeing a pattern with the schooling experiences. I grew up Eastern Orthodox - still not sure what they believe because services were in Ukrainian.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Barbara, a friend of mine (another victim of Paxil) told me a long time ago. Celeste jump into a cold shower.

 

I live right near the beach and jumping in water has always been healing for me. Water washing over my head removes anxiety in the ocean and in the shower.

 

What I do is take the shower hot and then gradually make is colder for the final rinse.

 

Getting dressed nicely, make-up and blow drying my hair are a must. When I look good I feel better. Lipstick a must ;)

 

It is not a solution for WD - it just keeps me moving forward.

 

Hugs

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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  • 4 months later...

I wanted to write this because I feel it's probably one of the worst symptoms, and most dangerous. I've been through ALL of the symptoms from the zaps to the severe, suicidal depression. All of them are gone for me now. And that's why I wanted to write this. The depression that this w/d causes is like nothing that I've ever experienced, and I know you will agree that trying to describe it doesn't even begin to paint of picture of how dreadful it is. One thing that the feeling does is cause a sense of inevitable doom. It makes you feel like you'll never get better and that life is utterly ruined. It makes life seem like it's senseless and that existence in itself is some kind of cruel, sinister joke. I want to tell any of you reading this that it is temporary. That feeling is unnatural and wrong, and it does go away. When it goes away, life and love of life comes back. I have ideas about how to get through it, as I did. But it's pretty much spiritual. Also, the homeopathic remedy Stramonium was extremely effective for that specific symptom. Please hang in there. It gets better.

Taper from Cymbalta, Paxil, Prozac & Antipsychotics finished June 2012.

Xanax 5% Taper - (8/12 - .5 mg) - (9/12 - .45) - (10/12 - .43) - (11/12 - .41) - (12/12 - .38)

My Paxil Website

My Intro

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I'm not ready to write my success story yet. I've been off Paxil since December, and off Prozac for just a couple of months. That extreme depression hasn't been around for me since about October of last year. It was the summer before that when I had that. I know it won't come back. I'm waiting until next June to write my success story. Seems a long way away, and I feel like I'm not going to have any setbacks or anything as it's been so long since I've had the extreme symptoms. But I want my success story to really mean something and be a message of hope, so I'll wait.

Taper from Cymbalta, Paxil, Prozac & Antipsychotics finished June 2012.

Xanax 5% Taper - (8/12 - .5 mg) - (9/12 - .45) - (10/12 - .43) - (11/12 - .41) - (12/12 - .38)

My Paxil Website

My Intro

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Oh, and I wanted to tell you that I wish I had more time to be here more and help individually. I guess that is why I wanted to write this and maybe discuss. I'm in school now for Medical Office Administration. See, I would've never thought I'd get on with my life again, but I am :)

Taper from Cymbalta, Paxil, Prozac & Antipsychotics finished June 2012.

Xanax 5% Taper - (8/12 - .5 mg) - (9/12 - .45) - (10/12 - .43) - (11/12 - .41) - (12/12 - .38)

My Paxil Website

My Intro

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Shanti you really hit the nail on the head describing the depression portion.

 

Even more important is the reminder that it does go away, even though it feels like it never will.

 

Shanti I never did get off ad's, and now I am on 2. Lowering one and building up the other. I don't have it in me to stop. Not now. However I would like to thank you for you help in the last six months.

 

There is no doubt in my mind about you posting your success story.

 

And yes, for me too....the physical manifestation from WD, paled in comparison to the anxiety, fear and depression.

Hugs

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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Thank you for this post, Shanti. I've bookmarked it so I can come back to it every time things feel hopeless.

 

It is exactly what I need to hear. Thanks.

2006-Cymbalta 60mg for lyme disease2009-Quit Cymbalta c/tFeb. 2010-Reinstated 60mg CymMar.2010 to May.2012 tapered Cym to 36mgMay 2012-Crossed over to 30mg CelexaMay 2012-Oct.2013 Tapered Celexa down to 2.5mgOct.2013-Switched to 30 beads CymbaltaDec.4,2013-Stopped Cymbalta at 17 beads<p>Akathisia hit at 6 wks off and continuesNow taking melatonin when needed for sleep.

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You're welcome :)

 

If anyone reading this topic is in a serious state of depression from the w/d, please check the success section of my site for some Hope.

Taper from Cymbalta, Paxil, Prozac & Antipsychotics finished June 2012.

Xanax 5% Taper - (8/12 - .5 mg) - (9/12 - .45) - (10/12 - .43) - (11/12 - .41) - (12/12 - .38)

My Paxil Website

My Intro

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks from me too, Shanti. When I first saw this topic I thought you must have read my mind! I'm past all the obvious physical problems with withdrawal, but still having trouble with emotions that seem to range from numbness to a sadness that feels never-ending and hopeless. I know that isn't rational - sadness, even without being in withdrawal, does get better with time - but it just seems never-ending. And there you are, telling us that it does get better, just when I needed that! :)

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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Shanti. Thank you so much for this discussion topic. I went CT off effexor xr in October. Too late to go back on a little bit now. I got over the physical symptoms pretty easily. However, the sadness, tears, regrets, dismay about the past and future are terrible even though, fortunately, they do come and go. It is so reassuring to read your entries (and I have read many by you over the past ten months I have been on the site and found them encouraging overall). I vacillate about how to cope with feeling I have never loved or been loved, am basically alone , how to make life worthwhile given all this. I can hardly recall the depression of 15 years ago that got me to take ads but thinking that I will be better makes me wonder. Was I so great before I started ads??? Sorry if this is a downer, it is just how feel right now. And thanks again for your post and encouragement to all of us. FM

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Shanti thank you for posting this. It could not have come at a better time.

Prozac(situational depression) 1993 discontinued sometime in 1994 without WD problems

Paxil from 2003 until 2004 for anxiety/panic attacks

25mg of Zoloft from March 2012. started tappering in April and took my last one on May 13, 2012

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Shanti. Thank you so much for this discussion topic. I went CT off effexor xr in October. Too late to go back on a little bit now. I got over the physical symptoms pretty easily. However, the sadness, tears, regrets, dismay about the past and future are terrible even though, fortunately, they do come and go. It is so reassuring to read your entries (and I have read many by you over the past ten months I have been on the site and found them encouraging overall). I vacillate about how to cope with feeling I have never loved or been loved, am basically alone , how to make life worthwhile given all this. I can hardly recall the depression of 15 years ago that got me to take ads but thinking that I will be better makes me wonder. Was I so great before I started ads??? Sorry if this is a downer, it is just how feel right now. And thanks again for your post and encouragement to all of us. FM

 

FM,

 

I relate well to your feelings. I would trade the "depression" prior to drugs for anything ive felt since, especially now.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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I am so glad that this post did help people. I had a feeling it was time to remind people about this. We talk so much about the many things to help us, and sometimes we need to cut to the chase and get to the bottom of it all; HOPE. That is what is needed most imo.

Taper from Cymbalta, Paxil, Prozac & Antipsychotics finished June 2012.

Xanax 5% Taper - (8/12 - .5 mg) - (9/12 - .45) - (10/12 - .43) - (11/12 - .41) - (12/12 - .38)

My Paxil Website

My Intro

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  • 3 months later...

I wanted to write this because I feel it's probably one of the worst symptoms, and most dangerous. I've been through ALL of the symptoms from the zaps to the severe, suicidal depression. All of them are gone for me now. And that's why I wanted to write this. The depression that this w/d causes is like nothing that I've ever experienced, and I know you will agree that trying to describe it doesn't even begin to paint of picture of how dreadful it is. One thing that the feeling does is cause a sense of inevitable doom. It makes you feel like you'll never get better and that life is utterly ruined. It makes life seem like it's senseless and that existence in itself is some kind of cruel, sinister joke. I want to tell any of you reading this that it is temporary. That feeling is unnatural and wrong, and it does go away. When it goes away, life and love of life comes back. I have ideas about how to get through it, as I did. But it's pretty much spiritual. Also, the homeopathic remedy Stramonium was extremely effective for that specific symptom. Please hang in there. It gets better.

 

4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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Shanti just couldn´t put it better; that is exactly the feeling I´m getting, even though the acute symptoms are better...

 

(I don´t know how to post my messges properly, please help me)

4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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Hi Schuyler, thanks, I´m sorry I don´t know how to use the Forum correctly but at least I can comunicate.

 

I´m having this awful feeling of dispair,that Shanti describes so well.

 

I have dark thoughts, and that scares me a lot; I don´t want to do anything stupid.

 

My money problems don´t allow me to pay for professional help, so You people is all I have, thank God.

 

My life has been difficult, but this is something else...

 

I feel doomed. I´m using a PC

4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Schuyler, thanks, I´m sorry I don´t know how to use the Forum correctly but at least I can comunicate.

 

I´m having this awful feeling of dispair,that Shanti describes so well.

 

I have dark thoughts, and that scares me a lot; I don´t want to do anything stupid.

 

My money problems don´t allow me to pay for professional help, so You people is all I have, thank God.

 

My life has been difficult, but this is something else...

 

I feel doomed. I´m using a PC

 

Alex, I'm going to repost this in your intro thread because it gets more traffic. I'll respond to you there in a bit.. I'm thinking how best to reply at the moment. We can see what is going on with you better if you keep to the one primary thread.

As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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Hi Alex. I know how you feel. I just responded to your mail. You're doing fine posting by the way. Hang in there. It does go away. The perceptions of life is convincing but it is fake. You'll be okay.

Taper from Cymbalta, Paxil, Prozac & Antipsychotics finished June 2012.

Xanax 5% Taper - (8/12 - .5 mg) - (9/12 - .45) - (10/12 - .43) - (11/12 - .41) - (12/12 - .38)

My Paxil Website

My Intro

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  • 1 month later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

The worst part of withdrawal for me is how the flareups tend to color everything you feel or think as you're experiencing them. And the effects aren't new or arbitrary, they seem so often to recall the corpses of old problems and animate them with new and invigorated life. If you're at all prone to becoming trapped in your own thoughts than this can be especially terrifying. During a flare-up my mind seems somehow unable to accept that the sense of fear and dread encroaching upon it is truly meaningless, and it tries to sort of 'think it through'. Once this sort of formless and hopeless analysis begins it's very hard to stop it. Since the energy beneath it is so profoundly negative, it inevitably leads to very dark places, and because I'm vaguely 'thinking' my mind treats these places as somehow logical and accepts them. My whole life is then swallowed up until everything seems stark and bleak. If you're like me and you often find yourself blaring ahead on these neuro-emotion death trains, than you might try the following 'exit strategy'.

 

First I close my eyes. I don't so much try to stop any of my distressing thoughts, instead I redirect my attention to the just the feeling of being in my body, especially the feeling in my head, or 'behind my eyes'. But the point here isn't to relax necessarily, it's to show myself something. Paying attention to my mind and body in their resting state I almost instantly notice, without the thoughts to distract me, how deeply weird and drugged I feel. This is a relief because it shows me that my thoughts have not been proceeding from my normal self, but from this weird and broken and mending self, this mind and body that feel so strange and sore as I concentrate on it. This is usually enough to take all the force out of my distressing thoughts, once I see how faulty the foundation is they collapse like a house of cards. Taking this moment to just feel my 'base-line' so to speak allows me to see that the forces animating my thoughts are irrational and biological, and that the thoughts themselves are just the elaborate ghosts of my frustrated nervous system.

 

I'm still reeling from an earlier flare up, but hopefully what I've tried to describe here will be helpful to someone. The logic behind it is, I suppose, that because the symptoms themselves are so perfectly suspended between the mind and body, our attempts to calm ourselves have to straddle both these worlds as well. When all hell breaks loose it's not enough to try to mentally tell ourselves that we're withdrawing, we have to let ourselves momentary feel the reality of this, without distraction, before we'll truly believe it. And it truly does only take a moment, at least for me. Although I do sometimes have to repeat it before I'm fully 'out'. And, of course, I have to remember to do it as well :lol:.

 

Alright, I'll be quiet now. Hope everyone's relatively pain free and comfortable.

3 Years 150 mgs Effexor

2 month taper down to zero

3 terrible weeks at zero

Back up to 75 mgs

2 months at 75

6 or so months back to regular dose of 150 - was able to restabilize fine.

3 month taper back to zero

1 HORRENDOUS week at zero

2 days back up to 37.5

3 days back up to 75

One week at 150 - unable to stabilize.

Back down to 75 mgs

At 75 mgs (half original dose) and suffering withdrawal symptoms since October 2012.

 

"It is a radical cure for all pessimism to become ill, to remain ill for a good while, and then grow well for a still longer period." - Nietzsche

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  • Altostrata changed the title to Deep despair, dread, doom, horror
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