Northcoastboy: Stopping benzo withdrawal and starting Seroquel withdrawal

[Rhiannon]

Pick a dose and stick with it. I think 2.5 mg sounds good, you could go to 3 if it's easier. Regardless, you are going to continue to have ups and downs now for a while. Your biggest challenge during this time is probably going to be resisting the urge to knee-jerk react and take more of the drug when things get rough. You must resist that urge.

 

Your symptoms are going to come and go no matter what you do.  That's the nature of how it is. Reread the link I gave you to the thing I wrote about how we approach these drugs with the "aspirin" paradigm and why that's unhelpful.

 

What your brain needs now most of all is stability and consistency. You are going to have to ride out the ups and downs for a while. But this time will pass and those ups and downs will settle down. It may take weeks, it may take months, it's impossible to say. It will pass, though.

 

If you change doses or are careless with your dosing, you will just make it worse and it will take longer to settle down and stabilize and feel better.

 

If you reinstate at 2.5 mg and after ten days or two weeks you really feel you want to reinstate at a higher dose, you may consider tweaking it up very slowly, to 2.7 for example then to 2.8 then maybe up to 3 over a course of many days. That option does work sometimes, and it's nice to know you have that in your back pocket.  But really overall the thing that helps the most is just not changing things.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Epsom salts baths and supplemental mag (glycinate or citrate kind) can help immensely with the tension. There is magnesium oil you can rub into your skin. There are all things we just have to do because we can't rely on meds anymore. Guys can take baths too, you know.

 

If you persist in self care, you will start to get a feel for what doesn't help. For instance, the blue light from electronic devices can over stimulate you in the evening. So what I do is turn the brightness all the way down on my tablet and TV in the evening after dark. Black out my windows with black plastic bags. Black tape on all those stupid LED's all over the house. I've now taken to wearing sunglasses all the time after a hint from Jemima.

 

No matter how little, it never hurts to cover all the bases.

[Northcoastboy]

Thanks guys.

Guys can take baths too!

We don't wash, just roll around in mud and beat our chests!

Taking fish oil and mag glycinate

Full house here at moment get bathroom with bath back next week!

 

Fell asleep again last night easily and awoke with massive intake of breath and huge cortisol rush and tension.

What I get is fully covered in sleep problems on this site. Frequent urination, like very 30 mins for 3 hours. No amount of breathing techniques or relaxation seem to relieve this cortisol tension.

Walked around at 2.30am and slept deeply from 3am - 9.30am:-)

Those 3 hours from 12 midnight to 3am seem like an eternity.

Tonight I will just read thru it I think.

 

Reinstated at 2.5mgs. I drop of liquid.

Feel ok today. Working on mindfullness of breathing and praying loads.

This too shall pass.

Hitting NA and AA meetings.

[dalsaan]

I always find I feel better in the morning if I just lie there and relax when I'm awake at night.   If I get up, I am shattered the next day.   I know this goes against sleep hygiene stuff but I don't care - i'm listening to my body

 

D

[Northcoastboy]

Thanks Dalsaan

Days are improving. Eating better, went on a sugar binge during withdrawal. Trying to practice my breathing and mindfullness. Either sitting or walking.

Falling asleep last night had one huge surge of anxiety adrenalin cortisol (whatever) felt really awful and panicked thinking I can't go on like this.

Kept telling myself it's withdrawal it's nothing I'm doing and I fell asleep. Got maybe 7 hours:-) Strangely feel rough this morning headache etc

Will get out walking and get some fresh air.

[Northcoastboy]

Hi Guys been loitering and reading posts.

I have thankfully got some relief from withdrawals after my reinstatement.

Thanks again for your combined wisdom and me eventually listening!

My tinnitus has reduced slightly.

I mood has stabilised hugely.

Depression (crying) mood swings, anxiety have largely gone.

In the evenings I get muscle tension in my arms and neck and increased tinnitus. These hang around til bedtime. I do a mindfulness tape and relaxation in bed. I then read. I have been getting 8 hours good sleep. The night time brain zaps and anxiety have gone.

I am practicing mindfullness and meditation twice a day. I am praying and repeat positive affirmations during the day. This is not me it's withdrawal etc this too shall pass. Walked 9 miles yesterday.

I am getting out to AA meetings and meeting people for coffee and trying not to isolate.

I plan to taper at a tortoise rate. 10% drops. With at least a month or two months between reductions.

 

My question is to Rhi or alto or other knowledgable people.

When should I start taper again?

 

Rhi been reading the link u sent me about slow taper and not calendar watching. But listening to yourself and noting symptoms.

 

My thinking is I am in slight withdrawal now due to minor symptoms.

If I start a 0.25% taper now and hold for a period, described above.

Will I notice?

Or is this unanswerable!

[bubble]

Hello!

 

Liked reading your post especially the bit about advice on reinstating and you eventually listening

 

I'm not Alto nor Rhi but had my chance to learn through a very painful experience I'm very eager to spare anyone from.

 

starting tapering? hmmmmm after you renstated on 24 th and today is 29 th? I think the answer is very simple: big NO. 

 

Have you been reading about windows and waves pattern of recovery? 

 

I would say you are experiencing your first window (which is great) but they are usually followed by waves in which we can feel equally bad as in the midst of acute WD. 

 

I would advise you to keep doing all the great things you are doing and try not to think about meds. Actually when you stop thinking about meds so often, this will be a kind of indication that you are ready to taper. 

 

How long we need to hold depends on our individual experiences of how fast we drove ourselves into WD, how long it took to persuade us to reinstate, how many similar escapades we had before, etc. But in general, our CNSs simply thrive on holds. 

 

Give yourself at least a month. In that time you will see how your body reacts, you will experience the ebb and flow of the healing process and will be better prepared for tapering. 

 

In case you haven't read this, it's very, very useful.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-recovery/

 

best,

bubble

[Northcoastboy]

Thanks Bubble

It all started when my dear wife (she who should be obeyed) suggested I stay on 2.5mg until next spring. What I said!

You are right! It's only been a few days.

Since posting this morning I've felt really rough physically cold/flu coming?

So my body is telling me something.

I'll try and chill and forget tapering til at least June(promise)!

[bubble]

This is all very hard so give yourself some credit for everything you are going through.

 

And be gentle with yourself in case of broken promises but also feel free to come here any time you feel the need for additional reassurance. We all need it. 

 

(these windows and waves exchange as quickly as April sky. Also, when we are in a window we feel very positive that everything is behind us and waves are even more convincing in telling us we will never recover but both are deceptive: unlike what waves tell us, we will recover but not as quickly as windows would like us to believe.)

[Northcoastboy]

Hi All

Another admission:-(

I tried reducing again from 2.5 to 2mg in my desperation to get of this stuff.

Crashed and burned again. Chronic anxiety, insomnia etc.

I resumed at 2.5mgs on 7th May and have been mainly successful I think.

 

Here is my current status;

Days are ok. I'm practising at least an hour a day of mindfullness meditations, including relaxation practice. Mainly stuff I've found on you tube. I'm currently averaging 7.5 miles a day walking. Any negative thoughts I try and immediately counter with 3 deep breaths and recognise them as just thoughts and not reality.

 

By evening I seem to release cortisol and experience tension in upper arms and neck, though this is improving.

I get some involuntary twitching. Akithesia?

Headaches flu type seem to be receding. Though a fairly constant cough remains. Anybody had this?

 

I generally sleep very well other than; at least once a night I will awake with a massive terror type anxiety attack and relax and go back to sleep after a bit of deep breathing and praying.

By morning it seems like a bad dream or nightmare and think did it really happen. My fitbit flex reports I wake 2-3 times a night. Normal probably. When I was in withdrawal it was 16-23 times a night:-) a vast improvement.

 

I plan a 0.25mg drop in June 10%. I will then wait as long as it takes to settle and stabilise before considering next drop.

 

Thanks again for being here:-)

[Altostrata]

A .5mg decrease from 2.5mg would be 20%. You might think in terms of 5%.

 

Those symptoms do not sound like akathisia. Are you taking magnesium and fish oil?

[Northcoastboy]

Hi

My next drop would be 0.25mg

My maths are bad but is that 10%?

Do u suggest 0.125mg drop would be 5%

.5 was 20% I agree

Correct me if I'm wrong

I was on magnesium and fish oil

Since stopping I feel ok, so didn't want to risk starting again.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

10% of your current dose would be .25 mg.  (2.5 X .10 = .25)

 

Subtract that from 2.5 and you get 2.25. So your dose for that time period would be 2.25 mg per dose.

 

A 5% cut would make it a .125 reduction in dose (2.5 X .05 = .125) making the dose 2.375 mg instead.

 

(2.5 - .125 = 2.375). The next 5% would be (2.375 X .05 = .19 rounded up a bit) making the next dose 2.185 mg.

 

Micro tapers are tricky and precise. If my maths are not right someone will tell me. You can always ask here before you do it so someone can check the math.

[Rhiannon]

The math is good CW. 

 

NCB, you are still rushing it. As you've seen from what you just did, actually trying to go faster ends up making things slower in the long run. Now that you've re-destabilized your CNS it's going to take longer to get stable. You're going to have to wait longer to actually start a successful taper than you would have had to.

 

And if you do it again, sooner or later people seem to reach the point where it's VERY difficult to get stable again and they end up having to wait for many months, like six months, eight months, a year, before they can start tapering again, and even then they have to go extra slow.

 

I would highly recommend you knock yourself hard in the head with A Clue as soon as possible. Or ask your wife to do it for you. 

 

As you know if you've read my posts, I don't mince words much. You need to shelf the machismo and surrender to reality here. This is not something where toughness is an advantage. I can't tell you how many times I have seen people (usually young men) come in here and say that they are tough, they can do it, they can push it, they're not wimps, they're going to challenge it.

 

Unfortunately, even though I have never been a young man, I was granted more than my share of "fachismo" and arrogance at birth, and I have done the same thing myself, and let me tell you, both from my own experience and from watching all those other people crash and burn: it ain't so.

 

It doesn't matter how strong or determined you are. The sun rises and sets every 24 hours, gravity is a thing, and our brains take as long to heal as they take, and we have to surrender to it.

 

I don't want to see you become another one of those miserable tales of suffering. I hate seeing people suffer. And you actually have a choice at this point. It's NOT too late, in your case, to wake up and get it right.

 

So please do.

 

I recommend you wait now at the very least a full three weeks before making another cut. If you're not feeling fantastic at that time, wait two more. Then make your next cut 5-8%. NOT TEN, with your history--you're still too fragile from all the past craziness.

 

If you do 8% (which you will of course, I'm tellin' ya, I'm the same way, I know you) and you do absolutely fantastic, THEN you can try a 10% for your next cut. Otherwise, stick with the smaller cuts.

 

Make sure your wife reads through your thread too so she knows what we're telling you. (You go, sister!)

 

;-)

 

You can totally do this.

 

--Mom

[Altostrata]

i agree with Rhi. Since you've only just gone back to 2.5mg, you might think of stabilizing for a couple of months before attempting another very small decrease.

 

You should also continue to take fish oil and magnesium. They will help you deal with symptoms.

[Northcoastboy]

Thank again guys for your sound advice.

Rhi I am a young 56 yr old :-) my wife agreed with you and told me say (I tell him and he won't listen)

I don't know if it is machismo or just a really strong desire to be done with putting any more c...p into my body.

I am now on a long slow turtle taper that should see me off this stuff this time next year or whenever.

 

Only symptom at moment is early evening I get tension in upper arms and neck. Feels like cortisol.

Also if I run I get flu like symptoms for 3 days afterwards, so I've hung up running shoes.

I average 7.5 miles per day walking.

I practice mindful meditation for 30 mins morning and 30 mins evening.

During the day I often take 3 deep breaths and remind myself to relax and de stress.

[Altostrata]

Whatever it is that's telling you to race off this drug, tell it to back off and let you take care of yourself.

[Northcoastboy]

Thanks Alto

"That's where the mindfullness comes in handy" I use drops and every morning I have to reject the thought. (A small reduction won't hurt!)

 

Here is my pattern that seems to be recurring. Windows and waves!

 

3 days feeling on top of the world. No symptoms and sleeping like a baby.

 

Day 4 my mood will slip and I become withdrawn. Wife constantly asking what's wrong?

Flu like sysmptoms vice like headache and coughing. Lack of energy etc.

About an hour after falling asleep I awake with a massive anxiety attack and feeling of impending doom. This happens at about 1am.

It is not attached to any thoughts I am asleep and suddenly awake.

By morning I have to really think was it a nightmare or a dream or did it really happen.

 

Anybody else get these?

 

I figure it's my brain settling (a neuro emotion)

Still doing my hour a day mindfullness meditations.

Trying to clean up my eating. Less sugar!

Walked 53 miles last week and put on weight:-(

[Northcoastboy]

Found this in a john kabat Zin book and thought it applied beautifully to my situation and many on here.

 

Do you have the patience to wait

Till your mud settles and the waters are clear

Can you remain unmoving

Til the right action arises by itself

 

Lao Tzu

 

Well no i can't. I reduced again to 2.35 mgs and then 2mgs feeling great and then got really ill.

Terrible angry rages. Low mood. Anxiety. Sleep disturbance etc etc

 

I have now stabalized to a degree on 2.5 mgs again for 8 days and will hold til end of this month at least.

 

Sleep ok some nights. Next next will get awoken with massive anxiety.

Get intermittent neuro emotions during the day

I get about 3 hours a day of horrible cortisol tension in arms and neck

Along with the bells (tinnitus)

Headaches nearly daily

 

I am functioning ok. I practice2 x 30 minute mindfullness sessions per day to practice breathing and thought control.

I walk between 5 and 7 miles a day

Running gives me flu like symptoms for 3 days post exercise

 

So the conclusion of this post is that I cannot be persuaded by you to be patient. I have broken promises to you and myself not to taper.

I would have saved myself a lot of pain if I had listened from the beginning!

Now from awful experience and reading above quote (poem)

I now have the patience wait for the mud to settle!!!

[bubble]

Hello Northcoastboy,

 

this is really a beautiful quote but please, please, please don't be so hard on yourself. Let the bygones be the bygones.

 

I waited for 45 days to reinstated although I was hit by bad withdrawal. You did it a lot sooner.

 

10 months after reinstating I feel almost 90 % of how I felt before I stopped taking medication. I stopped taking 2 meds and was only able to taper one 4 months after reinstatement. We all struggle with patience but what helped me was not focusing on time but on how I was feeling and how my windows were getting bigger and waves less severe. It was key to forget about the time and drop the plans of the kind: I'll taper in a month, or 3 or 4. No, I'll taper when my brain tells me, when it feels settles enough. People often ask how you can tell that. Well, somehow you can. You just feel stronger and more stable even if you still have symptoms, they come in a predictable pattern.

 

Focus on the quality of life and try to forget about the time. One other way to know you are ready to taper is when you sort of forget about it, when it moves into the background of your life. 

 

(I have a big reason to want to speed up my taper: I'm 37 and can't have children while I'm on this meds. I feel like I'm sort of running out of time approaching 40. But I've tried to taper too fast too many times to know that not respecting the speed my brain demands will only make things longer for me). 

 

You are doing all the right things and your reward will come

[areyouthere]

 

 

I have now stabalized to a degree on 2.5 mgs again for 8 days and will hold til end of this month at least.

 

 

 

I now have the patience wait for the mud to settle!!!

YAY!!!!!! It gets better!!!!!! Good for you NC Boy , and keep checking in with us!!

 

RU

[Northcoastboy]

Thanks very much Bubbles and r u there and good luck to you both. I keep dropping gentle hints to my 25 yr old daughter how nice it would be to be a grandad!!

It's nice to know someone is out there and reading:-)

 

I am being more patient now and kinder to myself.

Last night I slept right thru the night with no surges of anxiety.

To day I've been out walking by the sea in beautiful sunshine with my wife.

At one point I said " i haven't thought about my symptoms all day" no neuro emotions at all.

 

This would have usually started thoughts of a taper. I'm just going to enjoy this window, while it lasts:-)

[bubble]

that's the way to go;)

[Nikki]

So nice to read this.....I hope you sleep all thru the night tonight..keep those walks by the ocean going:)

[Northcoastboy]

Thanks Bubble Nikki

Saturday night I slept like a baby again.

 

Yesterday we walked 7 miles on a coast path that including some good climbs and was hot and humid. Probably a bit too much for the CNS

 

Fell asleep reading as usual and awoke with brain zap and screaming tinnitus.. Very confused surreal feeling. It's like I get tiny shots of adrenalin every time I fall asleep that wakes me up. Does not seem to be any thought process attached, just neuro stuff in brain.

As I said before I wear a fitbit flex pedometer 24/7 that measures sleep as well.

It recorded that I awoke 13 times!

However the longest awake was 11 minutes so not too bad. I do feel exhausted this morning though.

 

My days are ok. Anxiety free with small neuro emotions that I can control with deep breathing and meditation.

Get the odd hour or so of cortisol tension in arms and neck. Tinnitus is there constantly. Louder at times of cortisol release.

 

This may be as stable as I get before I begin taper, who knows.

Will hold til end of June minimum.

[Northcoastboy]

Spoke to soon

Woke up in night with awful panic attack. It's very hot and humid here at moment. I awoke to got to the loo. Went back to bed and totally lost the plot. Anxiety was massive and overwhelming. No amount of positive self talk helped. All I could see was black hole with me in it!

 

Any way walked around for a while maybe 15 mins and went back to bed and lovely wife wiped my fevered brow and I finally relaxed and slept for a while.

 

Today fearful that it will happen again tonight.

 

Practising mindfullness and breathing.

Reading Baylissa Fredericks "Recovery and Renewal book"

She recommends using positive affirmations, like This is me healing, This is withdrawal, I am doing nothing wrong. Accepting symptoms rather than fighting them.

I was in definite fight or flight last night.

[Northcoastboy]

Help Please!

Ive been on 2.5mgs for 2 weeks now. A week ago I had 2 symptom free days and nights. What is happening?

Windows and waves I know but such a massive turnaround!

Depression is back, tearful.

waves of anxiety.

Night time is worst. Its now 2.50am.

I have screaming tinnitus.

Constant urinating

Cortisol is huge

As soon as i relax and can feel sleep approaching I get a massive adrenalin surge and have to stop full blown panic attack.

Its like I'm in full blown withdrawal again, i.e. 0 milligrams (cold turkey)

 

Any advice most welcome

[Petunia]

I'm sorry you are having a bad night, I know what its like, I've had many of them, it does get better over time.  But for now, you just need to do what you can to relax, calm down and get through this moment.

 

In the past, some things which helped me a little:

 

Drinking warm milk, with a small amount of honey.  I would make it slowly and mindfully, focusing my attention on what I was doing, then drink it in the same way.  Sometimes I would do the same thing with camomile tea.

 

Doing mindful breathing techniques would also get me through those difficult times.

 

Sometimes I would find a calm guided meditation or video on youtube and watch/listen to that.

 

Its about doing whatever you can to focus your attention on the moment and realize that even though your body feels like there is some danger, in reality, there is not.  Look around you and see the reality.... you are safe.  Repeat it to yourself in your mind "I am safe", like a mantra, in time with your breathing.  I still do this often when I feel my panic rising, like you, driven by cortisol.

 

You may not be able to sleep, but you can rest and calm down, and that's ok.

 

This is just a bad wave and it will pass.

[Northcoastboy]

Thanks Petu

 

I'm listening to ambient sounds on iPad (rain with thunder) to quiet down the tinnitus.

Just trying to rest.

Abdominal breathing is helping.

Thank you again.

[Northcoastboy]

Oh ….!

Don't seem to be able to do this very well!!!!

After horrendous night a few days ago I up dosed to 3mg. Still felt unwell. Reduced to 2.5mgs 2 days ago. (up dosed for 2 days and now reduced for 2 days)

 

Last night had cortisol hell. Fell asleep and had massive adrenalin surges and anxiety.

Keep readings Rhi's post at top of page and saying to myself "why can't I take the advice"

 

I am making this last longer than it should. I now will hold  til end of July and hope this current wave starts to settle

 

I know there is nothing to say really 

 

Some reassurance would be nice I feel so ill and constantly crying during bad waves. No sleep last night. Those black thoughts come in. Cant go on etc. The light at the end of the tunnel appears to be switched off. I'm not suicidal, but had a few bad thoughts during night.

 

Trying hard with mindfulness and positive affirmations. 

[bubble]

hello there

 

I'm really sorry you are in such a bad wave. And you know it will pass and you know that reacting on this urge to do something, anything to make it stop will make it only worse. I know that you know it but totally understand it's incredibly and awfully hard to do it when you are in so much pain.

 

So don't beat yourself about it but do whatever you can not to do it again. In all likelihood the symptoms would settle much faster if you just let them be. Do whatever you can't to distract yourself and ignore them. When you experience the miracle of feeling better WITHOUT changing the meds, you will be on a no return way to recovery.

 

I'm not a big fan of affirmations:it makes me even worse telling myself that I'm fine when I'm not. I prefer acceptance a lot more: I'm here now, I feel what I feel, I know it will pass, I know that contrary to what I feel, it won't destroy me, so I will let those feelings vent themselves. Not projecting them into the future thinking I'll be like this from now on. No. I'm in pain only now.

 

Probably that's how your mindfulness and affirmations work as well so you are doing all you can. Just don't think about the time. Don't think about the end of June or any other month. Just focus on present,one moment after the other.

 

And come here and write about all the horrors and how you can't do it. It helps.

 

And I know you can and will do it. I remember your strong windows, your true you and this wave actually shows CNS is healing, readjusting itself through these tectonic movements. So everything is on track. If you feel tempted to updose or lower, just come here.

 

Big hug,

bubble

[Northcoastboy]

Thanks for a beautiful post. In my current condition it hit the spot and the tears came.

I obsess and ruminate with constant thoughts about how I'll never feel better. I'll never sleep again and madness knocks at the door. I am trying to practice what I preach

 

It's the opposite of what I know I should be doing. I have been getting short windows. Particularly when I do some deep breathing and mindfullness. I chatted to my neighbour this morning and didn't think of myself once and caught myself smiling and laughing.

I'm hitting loads of AA and NA meetings and trying to get out as much as I can.

I think I posted in a window the other day to someone on here that lack is sleep never killed anyone.

Maybe true but it ain't helping my mental state.

I feel guilty for saying that and apologise, rather tactless.

I was reading last night and just couldn't get past the adrenalin surges and fall asleep. It was a horrible despite being sick with tiredness and fatigue.

[bubble]

you can cry! Great- I'm always happy when I can cry. Not joking

 

Things are not so bad if I'm in touch with my emotions. I worry when I'm so numb inside that nothing can move me. And you can laugh! This is even more positive. Since we somehow need to obsess because that's the nature of this beast I'd obsess about these two incidents, cling to them and try to ignore the rest.

 

The beauty of peer support is that we can exchange roles of a giver and receiver of support. When in wave, we all have problems listening to advice we gave to others from our window. But from that window we also spoke to ourselves in wave. Like we wrote a letter to ourselves in the future. Although you don't apply it to the letter, I'm sure that this knowledge plays a big role for you now.

 

The trick with neuroemotions is that they are very convincing: they make us believe with great certainty that we are doomed. Knowledge that it won't happen won't make these thoughts-feelings disappear but will put a distance between us and them. And that distance will help us survive.

 

Hang in there.

[Rhiannon]

NCB, I wish there were something I could write that would take away your suffering. I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. Please hang in there, I've seen many people go through this process, it will get better for sure, the hopeless thinking is just another withdrawal symptom.

 

You're definitely going to get better. I really think it's imperative that you quit messing with your doses now, though. More or less of the med isn't the problem or the solution at this point, it's the neurochemical chaos that's making you sick, and you need to give your brain chemical stability so it can settle down. I think also maybe keep the exercise a bit more moderate and gentle and try as much as possible to stick to a daily routine. 

 

I know that none of that helps. You're in a very difficult place. We do understand, we get it. I'm sorry. Hang in there.

[Northcoastboy]

Thanks Bubble. I hear what you say and will try to give some back. This is life saving stuff for me anyway! Thank you thank you (with yet more tears) this is tough for a man in his fifties!!!

 

Thanks Rhi, I read your advice to over and again and its sinking in. Yes it does help. It helps me to hang on in there. Feel free to throw as much as you like. One day hopefully as Bubble says I can throw some back.

 

Felt real bad yesterday after no sleep night before. Walked to daughters and did mindfulness together and fell asleep for 15 mins on sofa.

Went to NA meeting and shared (a miracle after how I'd felt earlier)

 

Fell asleep on sofa again watching world cup!

 

During night could not let go and relax and fall asleep. Constant small surges of adrenalin. I don't know whether I cause this. It doesn't seem attached to thoughts. Why could I fall asleep when not trying earlier?

Any way I think i maybe got 3 - 4 hours of broken sleep, maybe more. My fitbit flex was on charge so did not monitor sleep.

 

Don't feel that sick fatigue feeling this morning.

 

Only new symptom is whole body shaking during mild anxiety surges when Im awake.

 

Thanks again 

[bubble]

Looks like you have some serious windows there: falling asleep while watching the world cup )

 

cling to these, however tiny little things and don't worry about the overall state. When I reinstated it took me literally 4 months to start picking up little shattered pieces of myself. So it would really be best for you to forget about medication except that one time in the day when you are taking.

 

(Now when I look at your signature, I'm sorry to say but I'd remove those smilies after the date when you so abruptly came to your last pill All the suffering you are going through now can actually be attributed to those 3 weeks...

 

Considering this speedy "taper" you are actually doing very well. You just have to be very, very patient and allow your brain all the time it needs to heal. And we are talking months here, hopefully less but in any case as I keep repeating, it's best to forget about the time.

 

I can't now remember where I last saw how our famous and dearest insomniac MammaP describes how she manages to live with a very disrupted sleep. The key of her message is that she looks on the bright side of things. Something like: yeah, I managed to gather 3 to 4 hours of sleep tonight (as apposed to not sleeping at all). The second thing I noticed is that she goes to bed to relax and not force sleep on herself. And as you noticed yourself, sleep comes when least expected and least forced.  

 

I know it's so very hard when it hits you, but try this approach. Something like: don't worry, it will get better and it could be worse.