Minny - Any advice at all on Citalopram withdrawal

[Minny]

I am so fed up.

 

Sleep is still terrible. I feel like I am being tortured. I am so tired but when I go to bed I just can't sleep, it is like some part of my brain just won't let me. When I am tired the tinnitus gets worse.

 

The other thing is pain. Can this be down to withdrawal? I have been having physio on my back since February, it would settle down but then flare up again for no apparent reason. I was sent for an MRI scan last week. Also two weeks ago I had to have an ultrasound scan for abdominal pain. I feel like I am falling apart. I have pain in my elbows.

 

I am not going out as much because I can't tolerate noise. I was out yesterday in the car with my husband and someone beeped there car horn, I thought I was going to have a heart attack, I was a wreck.

 

I need this to pass.

 

Thinking of everyone else who is going through this hell.

 

Minny

[tgirl]

Hello Minnie,

 

I just wanted to chime in to give you some support.

The pain can be withdrawl. A lot of other posters here complain of the same.

I too suffer from insomnia, it makes everything worse. So, I defiantly understand where you are coming from.

 

I cannot tolerate noise or light.

Hang in there sweet girl,

Tbaum

[Minny]

Hi tgirl

 

Thank you so much for your reply and support. I am going to have a good read through lots of posts today and google to see what I can find on pain and withdrawal. I am seeing orthopaedics on Friday. It is absolutely awful.

 

Can anyone please explain the waves and windows of why it flares up for no reason. I can't get my head round it.

 

Thank you

[starburst]

Hi Minny I have just read through your thread. I had to have a little giggle about the 'swearing' because I have been exactly the same. I came from a good home and swearing was just considered bad manners. So I have never been one to swear. Then I started Lexapro and for the first time in my life I started swearing. Even when I am at church I find myself swearing around people. That is abhorrent to me! Of all the places to swear it has to be in church! And sometimes I feel so angry for no reason that I just want to start a fight with someone. Who is this person? I am at my worst when driving. It was brought home to me when My little boy shouted out from the back seat whilst sitting at traffic lights "What the bloody hell are they doing?" because that is what I say all the time. My husband just stared at me with that 'you know where he picked that up from look'. I guess I can write this down and laugh at it but at the time it didn't seem funny. 

In regards to the menopause symptoms, I have been the same. I was literally convinced that I was going through menopause because of the intense symptoms around about that time of the month and the hot flushes. But my hormone test came back showing that I was no where near menopause. In fact the doctor said I could still fall pregnant with my hormone levels! If only she knew that was the last thing I needed to hear! It was the last pregnancy and birth that started this whole scenario.

Anyway, I wish you all the best. It sounds like you have come to the right place for help. I think that a lot of your symptoms sound like they are from a super fast withdrawal. I wish I had known a lot of this before I started tapering off. I would have saved myself a lot of trouble.

[tgirl]

Minnie,

It's my understanding that, the waves get smaller and the windows get bigger as your brain heals.

 

But, I am not a doctor.

 

How much remeron were you on, for how long and what mg?

[Minny]

Hi Princessstarburst, thank you for reading through my thread and commenting. Your comments are really helpful and you also made me giggle! Yes in car is definitely the worse!!! I get severe road rage and start shouting at people. All these years I've been telling my husband to please not swear and now he's married to sweary Mary! He actually thinks it's more normal to be having a bit of rage, I need to find a happy medium. Thanks also for the info about Menopause, I would rather not be going through that just yet.

 

How are you getting along with your reinstatement? I hope you are feeling more stable x

 

I think I am coming out of my wave. It isn't that I don't believe what everyone writes on here about waves and windows it is just when you are in the middle of it you can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am hoping next time one comes I will just be able to acknowledge what is happening and just think this will pass.

 

I slept better last night and pain not quite as severe. Tinnitus as always is there but nothing seems as bad once I've had some sleep. I just feel different this morning - lighter and more optimistic. I pray it lasts for a while.

 

Wishing everyone a happy Friday

xxx

[Minny]

Hi tgirl

 

I am withdrawing from Citalopram. But I have taken Mirtazapine (Remeron) in the past. It was a while ago. I started on 15mg and was increased to 45mg. I was on and off it for a while but not sure of the exact time frame. It was the only drug that ever worked for my sleep problems but the weight gain and uncontrollable appetite whilst on it was insane.

 

I can't remember having withdrawal from it but that could be because I was just switched to another drug.

 

I am hoping you are right about the waves and windows getting smaller. I am down to 3mg of Citalopram now but I am so nervous about dropping anymore at the moment. I think I am just going to stay where I am at for a while.

 

I hope you are doing better with you sleep and anxiety, it is absolutely awful and I feel for everyone going through this nightmare.

 

Minny

x

[starburst]

I'm glad to hear that you are having a better day today Minny. I know what you mean about the waves and windows. It's easy to read about it and understand it but when you are going through a wave it is absolutely awful and terrifying all wrapped in to one. 

 

I am quite stable at the moment. In saying that I still have bad days (or waves) but the good outnumber them at the moment. Like you I am quite scared of dropping my dose down again. One minute I think I am ready and the next I am definitely not. I have dreams about a beach cabin on some tropical island where I can go to get through my withdrawal period. On my own with just the sand and sea for company. No real life stress or drama to have to cope with. I don't know, it probably sounds better than it really would be. I'd probably think I was coming down with some tropical disease and there would be no phone connection!!! oh well, you have to laugh sometimes don't you. 

[Minny]

 

Just thought I should make a note of what happened yesterday. I forgot to take my Citalopram - never again! I usually take it between 1-2pm but was so busy I forgot. Was sat down last night and started to feel strange, a bit dizzy and spacey, and then my heart started racing and feeling like it was going to come out of my chest. I sat there thinking what the hell is wrong with me when it dawned on me that I had missed my dose. I took it straight away and eventually my heart settled down. I had an upset stomach all night and feel like I have been run over by a bus this morning.

 

I find this really scary that missing such a small dose (3mg) can do this. I am definitely sticking at 3mg for longer and will make sure I do a micro taper when I feel more confident to lower the dose.

 

x

[mammaP]

Missing a single dose used to leave me feeling really ill, even just an hour late!  They are terrible drugs and doctors just dont believe us when we tell them about the withdrawal. You are right to wait a while then start a micro taper, the slower the better.  The last few mgs are the hardest but you will get there eventually. 

[Minny]

Thank MammaP

 

x

[JanCarol]

Hey Minny - it sounds like you are improving since you decided to hold.

 

As you see from my sig, I believe that holding is the most important thing to do in withdrawal.  It gives your brain time to heal.

 

I chuckle about your swearing - I rebelled a long time ago and decided that all words are just words - but - I think there are times when my potty mouth is worse than others.

 

Someone said on another forum that the drugs remove your "appropriateness filter" and you spout all kinds of stupid, often selfish stuff when you are under the influence of them.  Add to it the agony of withdrawal, and whoops!  I can't believe I did/said that!

 

You wrote:

 

 

I also have this feeling as if there is a worm inside my head this is the only way I can describe it.

 

Ah!  "The Finger In the Brain!"  My best friend and I have been saying that since 1987, when Prozac came out.  When you first start taking the drug, you feel this finger wiggling in your brain, and eventually it dies down, but what did it do while it was doing that?  We both decided that this was not a good thing, and have avoided the Prozac class of drugs pretty much ever since (this is why I'm one of the lucky ones, in many ways)

 

It would follow that as the drug was coming out, it would wiggle some more.  I hope this has settled down for you some.

 

You might be helped by looking at Neuro-emotion - those feelings that seem to have no source, no control, but seem to be so true while you are having them....

 

I hope you see the sun today!

[JanCarol]

PS - your episode at the livestock show - these drugs have been known to induce psychosis, depersonalization, and derealization - so - actually what happened to you there, as horrible and scary as it was - was "normal" for withdrawal.

 

See:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2873-anhedonia-apathy-demotivation/?view=findpost&p=40854&hl=depersonalization

 

for discussions of different experiences of this, and ways to cope with it.

[Minny]

Hi JanCarol,

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on my post. Sorry I haven't replied sooner but I have just got back from holiday. Thankfully whilst away I have been ok.

 

It is so helpful to know that other people have experienced the same thing and get what I am going on about! When I tried to explain to a Dr about my "worm in my head" I just got a nod of the head and a blank look as if I was totally bonkers. I am still nervous about dropping anymore. At the start of this awful journey the worst thing was the tinnitus, I hadn't a clue it had anything to do withdrawal and was sent for test after test but thank god they all came back clear. I think the tinnitus for me is a bit like a marker of how my brain is doing. When I drop the tinnitus increase and my head feels like it is vibrating it's awful and does drive me mad. So I think I will wait until the tinnitus calms right down (fingers crossed that it does) and then lower again.

 

Once again thank you for your kind comments and the links

 

 

Minny

xxx

[Minny]

Hi to Everyone,

 

As I said in above post I have just come back off holiday. Whilst away I did ok mentally which is good. Physically is another matter. I am in so much pain. I can find quite a few posts about numbness but not pain. Anyone else suffer from this and what do you do? Is this permanent or does it get better?

 

I am having mainly back ache and pain in my elbows. I went to see GP on Wednesday and I am supposed to be going back for a cortisone injection in myelbow and possibly back! I am terrified of needles but the pain is so bad I am willing to try it. My concern is though is this due to WD and could it possibly go away on its own. I don't really want to be putting more rubbish into my body if I can help it.

 

I have had lower back problems all my life but this pain is just different. I have had two back operations which yes hurt but never reduced me to tears, this has reduced my to tears!

 

Can anyone tell me do you think it is because the antidepressant masked the pain that was always there? Or is it withdrawal causing the pain? My GP and my physio don't think it can be withdrawal. But the more I think about it, you are given certain antidepressant to help with pain so it makes sense that maybe mine have been masking pain.

 

Any advice would be welcome before I go ahead and start having injections

 

Thanks

Minny

[Minny]

Well I dropped my dose to 2.8mg nine days ago!  It is hard to believe that just such a little drop in dose can cause so many problems.  I think it must be the drop it seems to coincidental to be anything else.  My anxiety has gone through the roof, the mornings are the worse.  I feel like I can't breathe.  I also feel sick and having diarrhoea.  The other thing I am having is memories from the past coming over me in waves.  Not such a good thing because they are quite traumatic but I guess it is my brain trying to finally process what happened. 

 

Am trying my best to stay positive and keep thinking it will pass.

[Flowers]

Hi Minny

 

So sorry you are having problems with your latest drop. 

 

I get all your symptoms when I am in a wave.

 

I hope things settle for you soon. Stay strong!

 

xxxx

[Julz82]

Dear Minny,
 
I saw you checked in near me in the UK which led me to reading your thread. 
 

Well I dropped my dose to 2.8mg nine days ago!  It is hard to believe that just such a little drop in dose can cause so many problems.  I think it must be the drop it seems to coincidental to be anything else.  My anxiety has gone through the roof, the mornings are the worse.  I feel like I can't breathe.  I also feel sick and having diarrhoea.

 
I am not currently decreasing my SSRI but I recognise your symptoms from my benzodiazepine withdrawal... signs of a flared up nervous system with the anxiety "through the roof". Digestive functions are highly reactive, your body goes into fight or flight mode and digestion is no longer a priority 
Bear in mind that those are symptoms and that they will pass, but I hope you are finding ways to counteract the anxiety and feel better.
 

The other thing I am having is memories from the past coming over me in waves. Not such a good thing because they are quite traumatic but I guess it is my brain trying to finally process what happened.

Am trying my best to stay positive and keep thinking it will pass.

More symptoms I recognise... I know how distressing memories can be but what you say is what I also believe: that our brains are finally getting to deal with what put us in shock in the first place. I know that some drugs will hinder the brain's own mechanisms in processing and dealing with trauma...  so believe that your brain is finally getting to do what it is perfectly capable of doing on its own... (my own opinion - I am not a doctor!!)

 

I personally have found mindfulness and other coping methods to be very helpful in withdrawal.

Being positive is definitely good for you!!

 

I hope you feel better soon, 

 

Julz  xx

[Minny]

Hi Julz and Flowers,

 

Thank you both for replying.  I guess Flowers it could be a wave as things seemed to have settled a little bit. 

 

I started using a SAD lamp about three weeks ago and I really think it is helping, I just thought I would mention it in case it may help anyone else.  I really didn't hold out much hope but thought i t would be worth a go.  Reading back through my diaries there is a definite pattern of my mood dipping when the clocks go back, I don't know why have never noticed this before!!!!  Probably because my mind was so numbed with antidepressants and I wasn't looking for other ways to help myself.  Anyway it is definitely helping me get out of bed in the morning (it has a dawn simulator). 

 

The other thing that is helping is self hypnosis MP3 at night.  This is really helping mask the tinnitus and calming my mind. 

 

Julz are you from Lancashire?  Hope you are doing ok

 

xxx

[Minny]

Please can anyone give me advice/help?  I feel like I am stuck at a cross roads?  I haven't written much recently because I just don't have anything positive to say!  I am still on 2.7mg but I AM DEPRESSED so depressed.  I don't think it is a wave or withdrawal just back to depression with a capital D.  I am back to having no quality of life, I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, really struggling to leave the house without having a meltdown, can't concentrate on simple things like watching the TV....... you get the picture.  Yesterday I felt so black and just didn't want to go on anymore.  I see my GP every week but he must feel frustrated with me because I don't want to take anymore antidepressants. 

 

I guess the question I am trying to ask is at some point do you just have to accept that maybe you do need antidepressant after all? 

 

So sorry for being so negative

 

Minny

xoxo

[Altostrata]

Minny, are you still using your SAD lamp regularly? It sounds like you need to do this.

 

Are you taking vitamin D3? Best is sublingual or liquid, or you can let a gelcap melt in your mouth.

[Minny]

Hi Alto thank you for replying. Yes I am still using the SAD lamp and I do think it helps, I think I would be even worse without it! I take a calcium supplemen which has D3 in but maybe that isn't enough I'll look at getting the sublingual tablet today.

 

Thanks again

Minny

[Minny]

Hello to everyone.

 

I can't believe the last time I wrote was in December last year!  Don't know where the year has gone.

 

Please can I ask for some advice?  Pretty much through the year I have been on 2mg of Cipramil and things were quite settled.  Went on holiday at the end of September and missed a few days (so stupid I know).  I was feeling so good and stable decided to reduce to 1.5mg - I am kicking myself.

 

Feel back to square one with all the original symptoms back!  Last Sunday I upped to 1.75mg so nearly a week later and still no better.  Should I go back to 2mg and see if that helps?

 

On a positive note I did manage to get to a stable point at 2mg and reading back through my above posts I never thought I would.  It's amazing that I forgot how bad it was!!!!  I won't make that mistake again.

 

Thank you in advance

 

Minny

[scallywag]

That reduction from 2.0 to 1.5 was clearly too big a step for you.  It's probably best for you to hold at your more recent updose to 1.75 and ride out the withdrawal symptoms.

 

It can take 10-14 days for the CNS (central nervous system) to settle after a dose change.  Allow yourself at least twice that, so almost a month, because you've made two changes rather recently.

[Minny]

Hi Scallywag,

 

Thanks for replying.  I didn't see this message till last night.

 

I had ended up taking the 2mg because I was so desperate.  I think I am glad I did because I feel a bit more stable already.  I really shouldn't have started messing about with my dosage - lesson learnt!

 

I am going to write more this week about what the last 10 months have been like because it has been so useful to have this to come back and read.

 

Once again thank you

[Minny]

I need to vent!!!!  And also have a record of this in case I need to look back again in the future.

 

I have just come back from a meeting with my CPN.  I didn't think I was going to make the appointment because I just feel so ill.  I stated to her that I could not believe that these drugs could cause all these problems.  Her reply was that the dose I was on 2mg would not cause my problems and it was more likely to be a virus!!!!!  I feel so frustrated and angry.  They just don't have a clue. 

 

I suppose some of my symptoms could be linked to an inner ear infection but joint pain and a growling stomach!  PLEASE.  And how come they all started up again after reducing my dose.  These people need educating it is disgusting.

 

My symptoms are all very similar to last time:

 

Tinnitus

Increased joint pain

Extreme fatigue

No energy

Insomnia.  (I nod off to sleep and then awake 10 minutes later, thinking it's morning)

Sickness

Every time I eat I feel sick

And my stomach growling

 

I am so tired.  I just keep trying to tell myself this will pass.  I hope it does very soon.

 

Can anyone explain the growling stomach. 

 

Thank you

 

Minny