Ali: Too late to stop meds?

[Ali]

this is what feels like my 50th attempt to come off psych meds but after so many failed attempts, and an letter from my psych doc, I am now scared and wonder if it's all too late.
Suffered from teenage depression and up until the age of 28 was on and off meds and life was just chaotic. came off Effexor overnight when I became pregnant at this age and recall no side effects whatsoever. remained drug free (but always a little emotional) until a bad emotional experience in 2010, which necessitated a trip to the psych doc and now years on, I am stuck on meds (escitalopram 5mg and lamactil 150mg).

 

have had numerous attempts at tapering off, and things seem to go ok for a short while, and then it all falls apart. I don't seem to get so many physical symptoms, a bit more anxiety and insomnia, but mainly I fall apart emotionally. I re-enter the black hole of despair and feel absolutely awful. I've got two early teenage children and I just wonder if I'm being fair to them to become so disengaged. I've read a lot of posts on here about physical withdrawal, rather than emotional, which leads me to wonder whether mine is relapse, and therefore if I just have to admit defeat and stay on the meds.

 

I'm only 42. my psych doctor is convinced I am relapsing each time. In a letter to me yesterday, he said my depression was lifelong. In summary, he says I can't cope with the stresses of life and that, get this, when I get unwell it makes life difficult for me, AND for others. That just about sums up half of psychiatry - "you need to be medicated because your distress is upsetting other people"! He also wonders why I would put myself through pain, when the meds keep me well.

 

he doesn't appreciate I just don't want to be on meds, and don't think I need them. I'd really appreciate any feedback from people who've gone through what felt like relapse and come out the other side. I'm scared of enduring the symptoms thinking it is just withdrawal, when really I am sinking into a frightening depression again. my husband is supportive, but he also finds it difficult to see me feeling so rubbish and tearful every time I try to come off the meds. aNy words of advice or experience would be appreciated. Doctor has really knocked the confidence out of me.

Edited January 12, 2016 by KarenB
added paragraph breaks

[KarenB]

Welcome Ali,

 

I think you will find many people here who have come through these same fears as yourself, and who are now managing their w/d in a fairly reasonable way.  My doc told me I might need to be on 'meds for life' but I did not believe it.  Meds gave me the worst depression and anxiety I'd ever had.  When I started tapering I certainly went through very hard times, including depression and anxiety, but now I've settled onto a more gentle tapering schedule it has eased greatly.  In fact I'd say that these days I'm happier than I've been in  years.

 

I think what has happened with you is the cumulative effect of all those fast tapers and ct's.  Your CNS is now so sensitised that any further change sends it into a spin.  And although you did 10% cuts lately, as you said they were not 10% cuts off your current dose, so will still have been too fast.  What your brain needs now is stability. 

 

Did you stabilise well after your reinstatement in November?  If I were in your shoes I'd hold at this dose for at least 2-3 months to get really settled.  Start noting your symptoms on paper so you can keep track of what is happening.  When you are good and settled then you could look at making a gentle tapering plan - see Why taper by 10%.  Some sensitised people (I am one) find it suits better to decrease by smaller amounts, or to micro-taper. 

 

It is also best to taper one drug at a time, so sticking with the lamictal taper is probably best - leave the escitalopram at 5mg for now.  Tips for Tapering Lamictal.

 

Understanding what happens during w/d might reassure you (and your husband).  You could have a look at the links in What is Withdrawal Syndrome?

and also at this w/d checklist.  What is happening to you is very normal w/d.  Anxiety, depression, crying, confusion - all classic w/d.  It isn't relapse - it is your brain going through the trauma of adapting back to a drug-free state.  And it is a trauma - you need to take really good care of yourself throughout.  I don't believe anyone needs to stay on drugs.  It's a matter of tapering slowly enough to allow your brain the time it needs to adapt. 

 

Meanwhile you can be building up your self-care and the skills you need to manage depression (whether it be w/d induced or from some external cause).  If you want a closer look at how I've managed depression in my life, see the link in my sig.  It's time to re-find your confidence - we have so much more strength than doctors give us credit for.  Maybe write yourself a better letter, with truth in it, about what you are really capable of.  Burn that discouraging one.   

 

Well, that's a lot for you to take in.  Take your time, have a good read of those links and come back here with any questions.  Remember, the first thing is to hold that dose and stabilise.  You can get through this - you have support here.

 

Hugs,

Karen

[Ali]

Thank you, Karen and Marmite, for being SO encouraging. I find it a bit depressing that this may take, no, is GOING to take years. I don't know abt you, but I'm so impatient. once I decide to come off drugs, I want to be off them yesterday. Still, every day I'm not on that original dose is a step in the right direction, I guess. Can I just ask, how did you know you were going through withdrawal and not relapse, as the emotions are so similar? I can't afford to become so suicidally depressed again. I really don't know if I'm ready for years of feeling so bad again, but it frustrates me to swallow drugs I may not need.

 

I don't need my GP or psych doc's approval now, cos I can cut my tablets (awAiting scales) but after that I may hit trouble. on the very first occasion I tried to taper off lamactil 200mg, the GP point blank refused to give me the tablet in a smaller dose, which sent me into a rage, and we fell out big time. At a later date, I dropped to 150mg and said sth about splitting the dose evenly, and therefore needing 50's and 25's (why do we have to lie?), which allowed me to start tapering safely. i can get to 100mg lamactil alone, but I spoke to the pharmacist a couple of days ago and to do the 10pc taper from 100, he said I need to get the oral dispersible tablets, so unless I develop a swallowing issue, I'm going to have to be economical with the truth and basically say I've been feeling fine for ages and ages. thankfully the GP is unaware of recent attempts to taper and I don't think the psych will let him know of our recent communication. psych is actually a nice person, just incredibly uninformed.

 

I've read advice about tapering off lamactil after escitalopram on this forum, because the lamactil is protective? do you know anything about this? karenB, I think yu're right, I need to hold my escitalopram. For the first time, my mood has remained low since reinstating the 5mg, but I have no other symptoms apart from agitation. sleep is ok, appetite etc. I am putting this down to the winter, which psych probably thinks is denial. I actually don't mind starting to taper while I feel low, as withdrawal may not frighten me so much as going from one extreme to the other. when I came off last summer, I felt SOOO great, and then i had the shock of feeling SOOO bad.

 

re my children, I hear you about the range of emotions. But I hide it from them. my younger daughter is very similar to me. she is only 11, but it is like watching myself when I was young. she is so negative, always sees the black side even in a happy situation. I just worry that she is wired as I am, and will be prone to dpression. so I'm scared about giving her ideas! I had an eating disorder, and periods of feeling suicidal, it would devastate me if she went there. I'm also aware that on occasions I get upset about stuff, it really frightens them, they get really worried and protective, and I don't want them to hide their own problems thinking they might be burdening me by opening up. I am going to tell them one day, but I sort of want to do it when I am out the other side. still, I need to keep an open mind, not telling them may not be an option.

 

I'm going to look at the self care stuff. I've decided to restart mindfulness and need to look at ways to look after myself as I'm rubbish at all of that. so much easier to pour a glass of wine!

 

I am dreading this!

[Fresh]

Hi Ali , welcome to the site.
You've been directed to lots of threads to read already , so I don't want to overwhelm you.

But , you might also want to read "Taking multiple psych drugs? Which drug to taper first?" here
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2207-taking-multiple-psych-drugs-which-drug-to-taper-first/
The escitalopram is more activating - the lamictal is a brake. This suggests that you should taper escitalopram first. As Karen suggested , I'd give it at least 2-3 months after reinstating before begining to taper. You should wait a month from your last lamictal decrease.

This is something to be excited about Ali. Most of us feel better and better as our doses reduce gradually. The 50 times you tapered before were way too fast.
Don't worry about what the doctor said. Most of us have been told the same thing. They just don't know any better.

Bw , Fresh

.

[Ali]

Thanks for your support. I am going to sit and read all the links this evening.

 

can I just ask though, did everyone feel fine before tapering? I haven't really picked up massively since reinstating my escitalopram in November, and that's never happened before. it's so strange because apart from my low mood, I am functioning fairly well. I'm just really frightened that I am relapsing, and in taking away drugs, however slowly, I am going to crash and end up on loads of stuff again.

alt natively, I may just have developed dysthymia, which will never leave...

 

Advice would be appreciated. I know it's my decision, but running it by people who truly understand the awfulness of depression, and the grind of being on drugs, is far more useful than talking to friends who've never been there, and seem to go stiff when you say yu're coming off meds. you know, that pause, that hesitancy, that "are you sure you're doing the right thing?" look!!

[KarenB]

can I just ask though, did everyone feel fine before tapering?

 

I myself was in a very depressed and anxious state when I began tapering.  The SSRI had stopped working properly and was also giving me adverse reactions.  I had thoughts of not wanting to live, I was beginning to self harm, I was intensely sad for the better part of a year.  Often I could not leave my house.  I knew the drugs were harming me, and I also knew that these issues weren't going to 'stabilise.'

 

So I did a 10% taper.  It was too much for my already sensitised system.  These days I micro-taper.  

 

THE GOOD NEWS:  It is now 8 months since I began tapering and the depression is gone.  The thoughts of not wanting to live are gone.  I can leave my house again.  No further self-harm.  I am actually a very happy woman these days, though I still struggle with symptoms like exhaustion and some anxiety.  You have this strength inside you too.

 

You are right that w/d and relapse appear similar.  I am not very scientific, but I had a deep belief that it was w/d.  I also thought that if, by some bizzare coincidence, it was 'relapse' then I'd deal with it by natural methods.  And I continue to do so - I've stepped my self-care way up this year.    

 

About which to taper first:  I originally said go with the Lamictal as that was what you'd been tapering already, but what Fresh said makes more sense.  So you may like to consider starting with the escitalopram - once you get stable as possible after that last reduction.  You'll have a better idea when you read the links.

 

Hugs,

Karen

[alldaisy]

Hi Ali,

 

Decide no to take any more medication is not an easy decision. I refused to take any more meds in the past and was for a very long time in and out of meds. The day I decided to stop taking lamactil was catastrophic for me. I have been many time very depressed and with that feeling "I do not want to live more" As per you can see here, many of us go though similar process, some deal with more withdrawal effect than others. I wish I could give you an advice, or tell you what to do, or tell you something that work perfectly for you and you do not have to suffer, no even a little bit of what I suffer myself trying to be off medication. 

 

I will tell, you have two options, you either trust your doctors and do all they tell you, or you do not trust them and continue looking like me for the magical formule that will make you feel well. You can be sure, that they are in very position that you or me. They have the knowledge that we do not have, and they should be able to tell us exactly what we have to do in order to get better. They are doctors after all, with years of experience, and you can be sure they want what is best for us. 

 

I decided to be off meds, because all the side effects, that was a very personal decision. I chose to endurance all the withdraw effects, to cry, to be sad, to hide from real world, and all of that instead of take the meds and get overweight, for example. Today I am feeling a little bit better. I am not totally recovery, and most probably  I will never be, because what I have cannot be fixed just with meds, I have real life problems. anyway, that does not count and are not important. But I am here, and trying to make the best out my life, even so I am still having a hard time. 

 

If you will be out meds, do that little by little and always under your doctors supervision. 

 

Take Care. 

[Ali]

Hooray. my first day since last October of not feeling low. hopefully I am stabilising, and coming out of winter sadness.

 

I have decided I am going to taper to 125 of lamactil, just because it will save cutting tablets for months. I'm going to go from 137.5 for 5-6 weeks, then to 130 for a month, and then down to 125. I cannot afford to rush this time. I can't afford another failed attempt.

 

then I'll take the advice on here and start again with tapering off the escitalopram. I think I'm going to start with .3ml drops every month and see how that goes. Alldaisy, it is impossible for me to work with my docs. the psych doc thinks I am relapsing each time I try to withdraw and suffer. he says I need to be "well enough for long enough" before he'll support me coming off. What on earth does THAT mean??? How long is a piece of string? As for my GP, he still bangs on about the lack of serotonin theory and spouts off about diabetics and insulin. He's all for me being medicated for the rest of my life. I'm afraid I am on my own on this one, but I think I know more than they do anyway. They just don't want to listen to people who want to come off psych meds.

 

thanks again for the advice. it helps to know that distress, depression and tears are to be expected and will not necessarily be a sign of relapse. I feel more confident about my decision to come off now. Al

[AliG]

Hi Ali.  Welcome. From one Ali to another, I'm glad you're here and  I"m glad you're stabilizing.   and coming out of your Winter Sadness. 

 

Hi Ali,

I will tell, you have two options, you either trust your doctors and do all they tell you, or you do not trust them and continue looking like me for the magical formule that will make you feel well. You can be sure, that they are in very position that you or me. They have the knowledge that we do not have, and they should be able to tell us exactly what we have to do in order to get better. They are doctors after all, with years of experience, and you can be sure they want what is best for us. 

 

 

 Alldaisy .  I have to disagree with you . " They have the knowledge we do not have  " !    I don't think so !  There is so much more information here . I don't think you " get it  ".  You might need to read around a bit .  Quote :  " They should be able to tell us exactly what we need to do, and what we need to do to get better . " I don't think so . " They are Doctors, after all , with years of experience. "  They want the best for us  ! ( are you kidding ) !!   Oh. Please . This is how we got in this mess !

I agree with tapering the Lexapro first. It is more activating .

Ali

 

[Ali]

I have to agree with Ali. I thInk most doctors THINK they know what is best but they base their views on limited info- drug company info, psychiatric journals etc. I very much doubt they read this site at bedtime! Many don't want to listen to the patient and enter into a dialogue about treatment. anything you have to say becomes insignificant to them. it's their way or the highway. annoyingly, if you feel rubbish during a taper, it acts as proof to them that you need the drug.

 

i really hope psychiatry will change. I think as a society we have to accept distress and trauma and work with it/ through it. I don,t think discount using meds along the journey, but I am not convinced by the "your brain chemicals are imbalanced" argument. if they weren't before the drugs, they sure as hell are now!

[AliG]

Absolutely.  However ,it will take a while to change views. We're not going to hold our breath !!  It's all about the money .     It will take a while.

Ali

[alldaisy]

Hi Ali.  Welcome. From one Ali to another, I'm glad you're here and  I"m glad you're stabilizing.   and coming out of your Winter Sadness. 

 

Hi Ali,

I will tell, you have two options, you either trust your doctors and do all they tell you, or you do not trust them and continue looking like me for the magical formule that will make you feel well. You can be sure, that they are in very position that you or me. They have the knowledge that we do not have, and they should be able to tell us exactly what we have to do in order to get better. They are doctors after all, with years of experience, and you can be sure they want what is best for us. 

 

 

 Alldaisy .  I have to disagree with you . " They have the knowledge we do not have  " !    I don't think so !  There is so much more information here . I don't think you " get it  ".  You might need to read around a bit .  Quote :  " They should be able to tell us exactly what we need to do, and what we need to do to get better . " I don't think so . " They are Doctors, after all , with years of experience. "  They want the best for us  ! ( are you kidding ) !!   Oh. Please . This is how we got in this mess !

I agree with tapering the Lexapro first. It is more activating .

Ali

 

 Well, I am trying to be optimists, for me have not been easy. What I wrote is what I want, and what everybody should expect from a medical professional, no necessarily that have to be true. In my case, I am totally alone, and my doctor do not care for me no even a little bit. But since I am sick person with a mental health condition, I cannot see anything wrong on that. My message the only intended it had, was to give another person a positive message and make that person feel well, no the way I am feeling myself. I do not give advices, because I do not know about anything, and "unperson" or "worthless" and also sick enough. But I want what is best for everybody and I want  everybody here to be healthy and well.

 

Alig, no idea why you just took my message that was written without any single bad intention and wrote me taken word by word and making the worst out it. But you can be sure, that was not my intend never ever. Then if you are uncomfortable with what I wrote or mad at me, really sorry, it is the only things I can say.

 

I do not have plans to intend to change anything, that is an impossible. 

[Ali]

hi alldaisy, your first message was really encouraging for me to read, because it showed me I don't gave to feel 100% to come off my meds. I hear what you're saying about it being a personal decision. Of course you meant well, and that's how I took it, so don't go feeling bad about it on top of how you already feel.

 

I'm really sorry to hear you're so alone in this, and that you feel your doc doesn't care. i think it's true for a lot of us, so you're not alone on that one. I hope this site is giving you some support and helping you on your journey.

 

be kind to yourself.

[AliG]

AllDaisy.  I'm  sorry . It was nothing personal . Just seemed like a lot of faith in Doctor's which I don't have . That's all. I just don't believe that they want the best for us. I didn't mean to upset you , in any way . I'm sorry if it came across as confrontational.  I certainly didn't mean that.  I guess, I'm just angry with the medical profession, in general . I didn't mean to take it out on you . It's 6 am , and I've been up all night , again. No sleep , and some family drama , tonight. I do apologize.

Ali

[alldaisy]

hi alldaisy, your first message was really encouraging for me to read, because it showed me I don't gave to feel 100% to come off my meds. I hear what you're saying about it being a personal decision. Of course you meant well, and that's how I took it, so don't go feeling bad about it on top of how you already feel.

 

I'm really sorry to hear you're so alone in this, and that you feel your doc doesn't care. i think it's true for a lot of us, so you're not alone on that one. I hope this site is giving you some support and helping you on your journey.

 

be kind to yourself.

 

 

Ali,

 

Do not be sorry for me, It is ok. Nothing that I cannot change about or you cannot either.  Thanks for your words of support. This site is a very good place for all of us, at least have been for me from time to time. For that reason, I stop by once in a while and write to people going through the same, less or more of what I have been through.

 

I truly wish you can feel better. 

[alldaisy]

AllDaisy.  I'm  sorry . It was nothing personal . Just seemed like a lot of faith in Doctor's which I don't have . That's all. I just don't believe that they want the best for us. I didn't mean to upset you , in any way . I'm sorry if it came across as confrontational.  I certainly didn't mean that.  I guess, I'm just angry with the medical profession, in general . I didn't mean to take it out on you . It's 6 am , and I've been up all night , again. No sleep , and some family drama , tonight. I do apologize.

Ali

 

If we live without faith, then we will have lost it all. I want to believe they want of wanted the best, even so life can prove me or proved the opposite. I am not upset or mad, I do not feel any negative emotion toward that world out there and all the one who has hurt me in so many different ways along my life. Nothing that I can do to change that or make them to change that. 

 

Sorry to hear that you have not sleep well and that you have had some family drama. What is a very bad combination, and I appreciate that you took the time to read and write here in the forum, even with your lack of sleep. You do not have to apologize. It is ok for me. 

[Ali]

Hi Marmite

 

thanks for your advice. I think you have summed up how I feel in your paragraph about having doubted yourself and your mental health as being the biggest barrier to recovery, as indeed, the withdrawal effects feel like a horrible relapse and I'm told by doctors that is the case. Even though I never used to believe them, it's happened so many times that I half believe it.

 

I've been wondering all day whether I just need them and that it may be chemical, and that as my psych doc said, chemical or not, if they make me feel better, why don't I just take them? Of course, when I withdraw and feel so ****, I convince myself of this argument so that I can pop another pill so it can stop.

 

I think everyone on here is really brave, to go through withdrawal for protracted periods, and still stay on course. I've always just jumped straight back on the meds when I get to the point of lethargy down to my bones, waking up and crying, being disconnected from the world and hating being outdoors and around people. I'm soooo scared that will happen again, when it would be so much easier to stay on them. I'm not that brave am I?!!!

 

Also, I wonder if there is a difference between a person who has one off reactive episode, and someone like me, who seems to be prone to that negativity and continual depressed feelings, no matter how positive I try to be. I wonder if I am now just wired that way after so many years of being in a more or less depressed or highly emotional state.

 

i wish I'd found this site 3 years ago and stuck with my first withdrawal attempt.

[KarenB]

Well, I've had depression on and off during my whole life and I'm getting off these pills.  Slowly, for sure, but I'm doing it. 

 

Belief in our resilience is vital, yet doctors seem to undermine it all the time.  But people are strong, we can face those times in our lives when depression is there for one reason or another.  Depression may be an indication that we need to rest, or talk, or change something in our life.  We can respond to it and work things through.  

 

You gotta find that strong place inside yourself - it's there, and it's been there your whole life.  Sometimes we forget about our strength, or can't see it for some reason, but it's always there.  Start connecting in to it, drawing it out, building up little bits of goodness around you.

 

One day at a time - you don't have to become a totally strong person by tomorrow!  Be kind to yourself, and believe in your ability to do this.  

[Ali]

Hi Karen

 

I am not sure what's life would be like without the drugs. My hope is not to have to manage a depressed state. I was so severely depressed before and ended up suicidal. I couldn't go there again. If I had to choose between that and the drugs, I would take the drugs every time. it was sheer hell.

 

My hope would be to come off them and feel fine, well, fine enough to cope with life's us and downs. The doctor has really got to me this time. usually when he has been unsupportive, I've felt more confident, defiant, and set on proving him wrong. now I'm just plain frightened. Perhaps I've had too many failed attempts, too many times of feeling fine for a while and then dipping and dipping. I fear it will be the same old, same old. I think I've read somewhere that if you've been on the drugs for 5yrs+ then you've only a 50% chance of coming off. not that I want to deter anyone. I just fear I'm in the half that is doomed!!

[KarenB]

I imagine those fears might always niggle away at us.  I had them for a long time, both while on the full dose of SSRI and while initially tapering.  'Doomed' is a great word!  But lately those fears have lessened - I guess it's due to things settling as I slowly taper, and the fact that my depression has completely gone over the last 3-4 months.  

 

When you look at it, the best option we have is to build up all that self-care and believe it will hold when we need it to.  I know it's hard to believe it - I still get surprised these days when I see how well I'm doing.  But working towards healing is better than just waiting for life to sweep us along on some random path.   

 

You may be a good candidate for slower tapering than the usual 10%.  You've only just made a reduction so it will be a while before you do so again, but when you do, what do you think about 5% cuts?  I'm just thinking that going super-easy on your CNS might help you to feel more confident/robust.  That doctor has a lot to answer for, making you so frightened. 

 

Also, by going slowly you won't suddenly find yourself in a 'life without drugs.'  Make the changes gradually, build up strength as you go, and ease your way into it.  Once you're coping at one level, you can ease to the next and so on. 

 

Before I started tapering, I began to organise support for myself.  I told my close friends what I was planning and got them on side.  I said I was worried about depression etc, and that I might need to ask for help along the way.  I continued to see my counselor, and kept practicing various skills for managing depression (Like EFT).  I got into a regular yoga class and introduced healthier foods into my diet. 

 

Having a base of support already working around you makes a world of difference if things start to get tricky. 

 

I know you're frightened and it's not easy - but try looking towards the things you can do. 

 

Hugs,

Karen

[Ali]

Thanks for the encouragement.

 

Just been reading madinamerica.com, which has made my decision for me. Also found some other links through this site, which have been helpful. Only one was negative, mentioned protracted withdrawal, and symptoms surfacing up to 12 months after stopping, and never dissipating. Happy days! Wish I could forward some of these links on to my psych doc. Surely these doc's must know about critical psychiatry. Why do they bury their heads in the sand? My guess is, it is far easier to keep us on drugs and not have to admit the truth and manage our withdrawal. Such a cop out.

 

Going for a miiiiicrooooooo taper. I will be free, however long it takes. Going to get the lamactil a bit lower if I can, as I'm sure it affects my cognition. tHen I'll tackle escitalopram...

[Ali]

Can anyone advise? Been cutting my 25mg tablet in half, which isn't the most accurate. spoke to pharmacist who said to get the orally dispersible tabs, which would give an even distribution in water.

 

however, I've just mixed one in water and I'm not convinced the distribution of the tablet is equal because of all the grains left in the unused mixture. i'm now worried my doses are going to be just as uneven which will affect the tapering and more importantly, withdrawal. Am I just being anal about it?

 

It's really important to me I get this attempt to taper right. If I fail I know it's back on the meds for life as the withdrawal is practically unbearable, as many of us know, and I can't keep going through it.

[Songbird]

I don't think you are being anal.  The dispersable tablets sounds like a good idea, but if they are not dispersing evenly they might not work very well for tapering.  I haven't seen these dispersable tablets, so know nothing about them, or what their intended purpose is.  I suppose it's possible that the grains left over contain only inactive parts of the tablet, but wouldn't put money on it.  If these dispersable tablets were not designed for slow tapering, they may be intended to be taken all at once, so the evenness of the dispersal might not be considered important to the manufacturers.  Maybe if you could shake up the mixture right before you take your dose it might help?

 

Anyway, there are other options.  You can cut tablets and use a jeweller's scale that weighs down to 0.001g to weigh the pieces to get the precise doses you need to slow taper.  You can buy reasonably-priced scales on ebay, so it is not a very expensive option, just time-consuming to cut and weigh your doses.  Also, depending on the size of your pills, it can be difficult if you want to do extremely small dose drops, but for many this option works well.  Some people cut the pills, others crush them and put the powder into capsules.

 

If there is no commercially-made suspension available, you could get a compounding pharmacy to make up a suspension, which requires a prescription and can be expensive, but gives you more precision with small dose drops, and means you don't need to do lots of cutting and weighing.  Once you get used to using an oral syringe, it doesn't take much longer to take your dose than with a pill.  The suspension uses a thick syrup, so the pill particles are dispersed more evenly than in water, and so they don't sink to the bottom.  I was previously tapering with a scale, but switched to the suspension so that I could do really tiny dose drops, using a 1ml syringe, and it has been working very well for me.

 

I see you are tapering Lamictal, which I know nothing about (I'm tapering Paxil), but I am assuming the same principles will apply!

[Ali]

Thanks. I bought some jeweller's scales but found them to be inaccurate, I.e., when I put the same pill on the scales two or three times, it came up with a different measurement each time, so they went back.

 

I don't think they compound drugs in the UK, and I am not even sure about asking the docs, as both my GP and psych think I need the drugs, and can't see the problem in taking them. They are adamant that my withdrawal is a "relapse", that I have a life-long illness, and that I need drugs like a diabetic needs insulin, that chestnut!!

[Songbird]

The jeweller's scales can vary a little bit, but shouldn't go out by more than 0.001g if they're working correctly.  They can play up if the battery goes flat, so fresh batteries are a must.

 

There is someone here who is making their own suspension using the commercial suspension syrup - I can't remember who off the top of my head.  You would have to make sure it was very well mixed to get an even distribution.

[Petunia]

Have a look here Ali.... Compounding pharmacies (US, UK, and elsewhere ...

 

and  http://specialist-pharmacy.com/

 

But, if you want to stick with making your own liquid, you may find more ideas here: How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules

Edited January 26, 2016 by Petunia
added another link

[Skyler]

Oops.. for some reason I thought you were tapering off Lyrica as opposed to Lamactil!..  Still, once you get used to it, it's really easy to make a liquid suspension.  It just seems more than it is because it's something new... honest, it gets really easy after a bit of practice.

[Ali]

I've only just started to taper. AGAIN.  On 5mg lexapro and have just reduced lamactil from 150 to 137.5mg (3 weeks ago).

 

I tapered off the lexapro last Summer, felt great until October, then slowly nose-dived.  Yes, it was all too good to be true.  Unsurprisingly, my doc would say.  I had to reinstate last November but my mood hasn't really picked up, although my energy increased and I could face social situations again. I'm also so smiley and can appear so happy (that's never happened before when I've felt so low). I feel like a walking contradiction.Has the lexapro eventually pooped out?

 

I just don't know if i should be tapering off, when I feel so bad inside.  Did anyone else come off them at a time when they didn't feel ok/ good/ "normal"!??  Further, if my mood hasn't picked up, should I be considering tapering anyway?  But if the drug has pooped, then will it make a difference stopping it again?

 

I just feel like there's no hope for me.  I'm so so scared of who I'd be without the meds.  I can only remember chaos and mood swings coping with the usual stresses of daily life.  Everyone on here reports withdrawal as being hell. How will I cope on top of how I feel? And what about my family? Doc said that when I'm depressed it makes the lives of those around me difficult (Cheers for that.  Now I need to be medicated to avoid being a burden on loved ones!!)

 

I've always been so determined and hopeful during previous attempts to be drug free.  Now I'm just frightened and feel alone. I don't think anyone around me understands.  I reckon most people think it's logical to take drugs if they "help". Now I'm wondering the same.

Please someone give me hope. (

 

Sorry to sound so pessimistic.

[AliG]

Ali.   A mod will probably move this back to your original thread. It's only one thread per person.  Someone will answer you there. Please ask all your questions , and voice your concerns. It is your thread to keep track of your progress , and journal your tapering.  Try not to be so down. There is plenty of support here. you are not alone.  If you click " follow" top right corner, of page , it will give you notifications , on your thread. Maybe , have a read of these recovery stories . It might help.

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1226-recovery-success-stories-from-around-the-web/

Hugs,

Ali

[Ali]

lol. I did wonder if I was posting in the right place!

thanks so much for your reply. I'll try reading some stories, but it's easy for me to think recovery and healing is only reserved for others.

will wait for my the rad to be moved...

[Ali]

tHanks for your replies. I'm off Lyrica- hated that drug!

 

I have started to follow One suggestion on here, and I am shaking up the mixture in water and then pouring a little out at a time. I spoke to a chemist friend and she seemed to think this might help get an even distribution of the drug.

 

even if I found a compounding pharmacy, because of the way prescriptions work in the UK, I'd still need my GP's agreement. this will mean going to see him and I know he wants me on the drugs. And he'd certainly have no idea about withdrawal- if I mention I think I am experiencing withdrawal symptoms, he is going to tell me I am relapsing and refuse altogether. As he's done before. Boy, did he see me at my worst after that!!

[Skyler]

then pouring a little out at a time. I spoke to a chemist friend and she seemed to think this might help get an even distribution of the drug...

 

 

 

Are you not using an oral syringe? That's the way we get the consistent doses needed for tapering.  Also, Why taper at 10% of my dosage.

 

I'm going to add this thread to your intro topic.. it's most relevant to your individual taper, and we can better follow your journey there. To help you find your intro topic easily, link it thru to signature ... see the way I have mine setup.  One of the mods for the intro forum will take it from here.... you are asking the right questions! :-)

[Altostrata]

Merged Intro topics.

[Ali]

well, I'm trying to take 12.5mg of a 25mg tablet. diluting in 100ml water, so using a syringe to obtain 50ml could be somewhat tedious? I think if I'm trying to get lower amounts I'll switch to one? This thing is a minefield!!

 

Do you think it's advisable to go ahead and continue tapering? I really don't think my mood recovered since my last reinstatement. could I possibly feel worse with withdrawal on top? I can't believe how long people have persevered when I read their stories on here; how many people continue, simply in faith that it'll get better.

 

I'm now feeling pretty p*ssed with the doc as even if I didn't taper off, I'm living with this feeling or I try another of his selection of smarties! And he's more than happy to share.

 

All the drugs ever did is numb my pain.

[KarenB]

Here's what I learned Ali - w/d doesn't have to be hell if you go slow enough.  There are options for micro-tapers, and the Brass-monkey-slide.  You can taper and be fairly functional and happy at the same time. 

[Fresh]

Absolutely!    I started tapering pristiq 50mg in Feb. 2015.  The past year has been a continued improvement whch

is reflected in all areas of my life.

 

The baseline of functioning is at a higher , more stable level after each drop.  Very rewarding really.