Sadie: Seeking Paxil CT advice

[Sadie]

Hi Ali,

 

Perhaps I didn't give it long enough - I'm just so wary of making my circumstances even worse having read the guidelines here on reinstatement - in that the longer you have left it, the less chance there is of it helping/the increased chance of aggravating your system further.

 

 

My heart seemed to get worse the two days I did take it. This is a symptom that fluctuates in intensity anyway, but it really put me off.

 

At nearly 8 months off I'm concerned it's too much of a risk. Caught between a rock & a hard place ????

[coldturkmama]

I'd wait it out honestly. It's been quite some time and that was exactly why I didn't reinstate.

[AliG]

Sadie.  I totally understand. It is a very individual decision, that ultimately you have to make based on what you think is best for you . You know your body better than anyone else, and it was an informed decision to stop the reinstatement process, based on your symptoms at the time.  I have also had the heart palpitations, and it can be quite a scary symptom . I also , unknowingly did a cold turkey and while it's not ideal, I do feel the slow healing process taking place. We do heal in our own time.

I hope it goes well , from here.

Ali

[Sadie]

Sadie.  I totally understand. It is a very individual decision, that ultimately you have to make based on what you think is best for you . You know your body better than anyone else, and it was an informed decision to stop the reinstatement process, based on your symptoms at the time.  I have also had the heart palpitations, and it can be quite a scary symptom . I also , unknowingly did a cold turkey and while it's not ideal, I do feel the slow healing process taking place. We do heal in our own time.

I hope it goes well , from here.

Ali

 

Dear Ali,

 

Many thanks for your kind words. Pleased to hear that healing is happening for you 

 

I'm lurking on the site a lot, reading and re-reading the recovery stories, scanning all the posts for any mention of progression. I can't read enough that "it" does end. My instinct is telling me not to reinstate after the heart symptoms and the prolonged amount of time it's been since I stopped. 

 

I know it's just going to take TIME and patience. CTMama's reassurances (and yours) that the horror of early Cold Turkey alleviates is a massive help.

 

Sadie.  

[coldturkmama]

Time is the key. There are good moments in between, definitely. I've had some very good days lately.

[Sadie]

Yay ???? pleased to hear you're having good days... I hope they continue.

 

Roll on the good days lol

[coldturkmama]

Me too!

With WD it's two step's forward, 3 back, repeat! But someday we'll get there! 

[Sadie]

Hello everyone,

 

having a particularly difficult day, feeling like a baby bird fallen out of the nest - so I decided to come and share here and have another re-read of the recovery stories. I hate the cognitive/memory impairment so much, I went to log on to my computer and couldn't remember the password I've used for the last four years  I keep losing track of which threads I have/haven't read on the site and just generally keeping track of what's scheduled/needs to be done day-to-day is a struggle. Remembering what I did yesterday, even how to spell is a task. I want my first class honours mind back, so much. 

 

I feel like each day goes by in an uncomfortable haze, every minute/hour is accompanied by my own internal narration of how I feel, when it will end, will it ever end!? Will I ever be me again? I find myself looking at others and envying their presence; that uninhibited ability to just live. The rumination regarding the position I'm in, how it could have been avoided and how nobody around me understands is unrelenting. Prior to stopping the medication, I was noticing I couldn't recall things from my childhood/teenage years like my friends and family could...I put it down to stressful life circumstances taking precedence...but I'm beginning to realise the medication is probably responsible  I feel like a half-formed person that will never be whole. And so more rumination unfolds, trying to remember names and events.

 

Symptoms continue, I'm not really sure if it's in a windows and waves fashion as there hasn't been one moment so far, where my attention has been entirely on anything else. Just half an hour in which I read something or watch a programme and forget would be bliss. I have to take note of the things that have lessened (for now anyway) such as the intrusive thoughts, twitching and frequency at which I need the toilet. The weird, sporadic physical sensation of dread isn't as powerful. I'm not as thrown by violent scenes/images and I'm not jumping at every little noise. But the DP/DR is intense, as is the feeling of cotton wool in my head, constant angst about my circumstances, the future, feeling detached from my loved ones, confusion...blah. Trying to act normal and 'okay' gets draining. 

 

Apologies for the 'woe is me' rant, I feel reluctant to keep offloading on my family and partner. My mum is disabled and my dad cares for her, and my partner incurred a traumatic brain injury a few years ago so I'm trying not to put any more on them than I already have. I had been my partner's main source of support and helped my mum as much as I could and hate that I can't be relied on by them so much now.   I'm hoping just the act of writing it out will lessen the feeling of despair. It's out of character for me to feel so sorry for myself   but everything I've ever endured prior to this just pales in comparison. 

 

Thinking of everyone here fighting the fight. 

[Sadie]

Hi all,

 

I am writing in the hope someone can offer me some advice.

 

I am coming up to three years of cold turkey withdrawal from Paxil. I have generally followed the windows and waves pattern after an awful first year, with particular symptoms fluctuating in intensity. For me exercise proved to be helpful. Six weeks ago I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. My pregnancy wasn't planned and I was plagued with anxiety about the prospect of motherhood and withdrawal for a myriad of reasons; but I tried to adopt an 'I can and will do this' attitude and continue to do so. 

 

So my labour was everything I dreaded, I ended up needing intervention, resulting in a third degree tear and required surgery afterwards. I was sorely disappointed to have managed labour with a little gas and air, only to need a spinal block afterwards - followed by a two week course of two different antibiotics to prevent infection. I suffered some disturbing intrusive thoughts while taking the antibiotics,/in the aftermath of the spinal block but aside from that I only noticed an increase in brain fog, loss of appetite and the ability to cry at any given moment. A symptom that could just be pregnancy regardless. 

 

So I was still suffering with a lot of pain from my tear and some abdominal pain that I wasn't sure about ( I am breastfeeding and was told the pains associated with things going back where they were so to speak would be short lived). I had a swab and it has come back positive with strep -milleri present in my...well...lady parts. I also have a sore throat. The GP urged me to take antibiotics (apparently my son doesn't need treatment) but I am so reluctant to take them. I have no idea if this bacteria would clear on its own were I to give it a chance. I took so much caution keeping my wound clean, taking probiotics, eating probiotic/prebiotic foods etc. I thought it might be in my interest to query here, as it's one place I know people may offer an alternative insight as well as understand my hesitancy/bind fear! 

 

If anyone has any thoughts I would be most grateful. 

 

Sadie. 

[Altostrata]

Hello, Sadie. I am sorry pregnancy has been so difficult for you. Do you have help with the baby?

 

If I were you, I'd ask the doctors if oral antibiotics are absolutely necessary, or if the wound might heal on its own with antibiotic dressings. I'd let them know you have bad reactions to antibiotics and don't want to overuse them.

[Sadie]

Thanks for your response alto. 

 

I tried unsuccessfully to explain I am sensitive to antibiotics. My wound has been looked at and is apparently healed on the outside (not on the inside) hence the continuing pain. Either that or I have nerve damage from the tear. 

 

The GP called the gynaecology department at our hospital and queried whether the virus needs to be treated when I didn't drop the reluctance. But I know very little about whether my body can fight this virus unaided and couldn't find an answer when I researched online. 

 

My partner is home with me and the baby, but he doesn't like to be far from the boob lol 😂 

 

 

[Sadie]

The baby... Not my partner 😂 

[coldturkmama]

14 minutes ago, Sadie said:

The baby... Not my partner 😂 

Lol yeah yeah 😆

[megb]

Hi Sadie, I just came upon this thread, how are you doing now with everything? Did you end up taking antibiotics? How is your withdrawal? 

Meg

[Sadie]

 

1 hour ago, megb said:

1 hour ago, megb said:

Hi Sadie, I just came upon this thread, how are you doing now with everything? Did you end up taking antibiotics? How is your withdrawal? 

Meg

 

Hey Meg, 

 

I did take the antibiotics in the end. The GP I originally saw for the swab called and urged me to take them to prevent a nastier infection developing. 

 

It was a week long course and they didn't seem to affect me as much as the others I had to take after surgery - just lots of crying, increased brain fog and a wobbly tummy 🙁

 

My stomach issues have continued since taking them 😟 despite taking probiotics and chugging kefir and eating lots of sauerkraut etc. I think perhaps the breastfeeding is hindering my ability to bounce back. But stomach issues were a wd problem for me so who knows what's what. 

 

I am healing okay, I had physio this week and was told things are heading in the right direction, it can just take awfully long time. 

 

Withdrawal wise, anxiety and rumination have made it harder to deal with how my son's labour went. I have felt a bit sorry for myself! 

 

I feel like my recovery very may be delayed because of what's happened. Pregnancy and labour are such massive things for mind and body anyway - but my son is healthy and friggin adorable and totally worth it! 

 

Looking back I can see improvement overall, even though I still struggle with symptoms. A couple of weeks ago I had a return of strange brain sensations (I have never had zaps just a pins and needles type feeling in my head and face). 

 

I still have random jolts in my legs but they're not really noticeable, heart palps are fewer and I haven't had a rushing heart beat since I had my baby. I'm mindful that hormones could be keeping some symptoms at bay though and things may come back as they return to where they were. 

 

Brain fog is probably my worst symptom, it's laughable and 'baby brain' has made it even worse! My long term memory is still totally shot, which sometimes makes my sense of self a bit muddy. 

 

Neuro emotions are an issue still. There's other things but I have nearly written an essay already!

 

I feel like I deal with it all much better though, accepting the circumstances of wd is extremely difficult but it's the only way through. Of course in the beginning we're indignant and angry and don't want it to be true because it's horrific - I am not recovered but I am not in that awful place of non stop suffering.

 

Meg - you doing okay? You're sweet to ask after me 😉

 

 

 

 

[Carmie]

Hi Sadie, 

 

How are you doing?💚