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Just now, powerback said:

hi saddoll ,go to symptoms and self care ,and you will see the nuero-emotions ,gives a great explanation of emotions spiralling out of control

 

I've done a lot of research, and antidepressions can destroy romantic snd sexual feelings permantly. Read a good few articles on this.

I'm glad for you but my situation seems permanent.

I hope the pharma pigs suffer a terrible fate. God forgive me. 

I will nwver forgive them for what they do to people.

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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Just now, SadDoll said:

I've done a lot of research, and antidepressions can destroy romantic snd sexual feelings permantly. Read a good few articles on this.

I'm glad for you but my situation seems permanent.

I hope the pharma pigs suffer a terrible fate. God forgive me. 

I will nwver forgive them for what they do to people.

 for me one of my biggest reasons to stay on a path of recovery is to show these doctors a different way ,wether they listen or not , I used to get the flu jab every year but because I've woke up to there ignorance and lies ,I wont touch anything now because going through withdrawl has forced me to wake up .

until you've got loads of tests and concrete evidence please don't write yourself off .and if it ever really was permanent there is a future in bringing awareness to people of what happens .

 

look I realise a lot of my posts don't directly solve anything for you tonight but in the future you will look back with joy and help others .

 

its recommended on the site to journal and write things down ,give that a go could release a lot of pain .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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2 hours ago, SadDoll said:

How long have you felt like this?

 

I've smoked weed almost constantly for around 4 years, plus i binged drank 3-5 times a night for 4 years too. For one year i was addicted to this really dangerous drug called spice, which I would nearly always smoke large quanitites of and very often. I also did MDMA while on SSRIs (which can cause serotonin syndrome) plus I smoked God knows what guven to me by strangers in parties and clubs sometimes. Could have bwen anything, I didn't care. 

I was almost constantly high and/or drunk. I was always on nights out and in house parties. 

For four years, I would never go a full week sober. 

I only stopped smoking weed and drinking often this year. I even cut down on smoking cigarettes, something I have done since I was 16. I was smoking and drinking and getting high since I was 16.

But it was only when I was 19 after starting SSRIs did it become a regualr thing and eventually my whole life.

 

What about you?

 

How long were you smoking weed for?

Thank you for sharing that story of recovery. I'd love to read it.

 

If you come acroas it again please let me know

 

I noticed PSSD when after quiting Sertraline at the first time in the end of the year 2013. I noticed other syptoms like emotional numbing few months after I quit the Sertraline finally in november 2014.

 

Is this competition about how wasted we have been? :D I have tried lot of stuff when I was younger but I'm sure that longterm sexual dysfunction is caused by the SSRI's. Of course illegal drugs can do harm to our brains too. In this world are many people who have token more legal and illegal drugs than both of us but they don't have the same emotional and sexual difficulties than we have. We just have had bad luck in this medical roulette. But we still got hope. I think that I felt like brain dead on the first year during this withdrawal. Now the situation is much better emotionally. For example sometimes I notice that I like the music. Feelings aren't so deep as earlier but it feels like they are slowly coming stronger even if I smoked huge amounts of weed almost daily for many years and I tried many illegal drugs and psychedelic stuff (I don't want to write the list about what I have took and how often). And I have also drank lot of alcohol during my life. But I have decided that I don't want to risk anything by taking those things again during that time when I'm suffering from those WD syptoms. Now I just try to learn to enjoy of small things and to be patient.

I'm not a native english speaker, sorry!

 

My history with Sertraline:

 

November 2009 - September 2013: most of the time my dose was 100 mg but when I stoped taking it first time my dose was 25 mg.

 

Unfornately I decided to start taking Sertraline again in April 2014. My new dose was 50 mg.

I took my last pill of Sertraline in November 2014. Then my dose was 25 mg.

 

Symptoms: PSSD, anhedonia and emotional anesthesia

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12 minutes ago, Sampo said:

 

I noticed PSSD when after quiting Sertraline at the first time in the end of the year 2013. I noticed other syptoms like emotional numbing few months after I quit the Sertraline finally in november 2014.

 

Is this competition about how wasted we have been? :D I have tried lot of stuff when I was younger but I'm sure that longterm sexual dysfunction is caused by the SSRI's. Of course illegal drugs can do harm to our brains too. In this world are many people who have token more legal and illegal drugs than both of us but they don't have the same emotional and sexual difficulties than we have. We just have had bad luck in this medical roulette. But we still got hope. I think that I felt like brain dead on the first year during this withdrawal. Now the situation is much better emotionally. For example sometimes I notice that I like the music. Feelings aren't so deep as earlier but it feels like they are slowly coming stronger even if I smoked huge amounts of weed almost daily for many years and I tried many illegal drugs and psychedelic stuff (I don't want to write the list about what I have took and how often). And I have also drank lot of alcohol during my life. But I have decided that I don't want to risk anything by taking those things again during that time when I'm suffering from those WD syptoms. Now I just try to learn to enjoy of small things and to be patient.

sorry for interjecting ,I agree with everything you say .one of the my  most proudest things ever is that I'm sober 2.5 years ,how I'm alive with my past from  partying and binge drinking amazes me .

take care and respect 

PB 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Sampo said:

 

I noticed PSSD when after quiting Sertraline at the first time in the end of the year 2013. I noticed other syptoms like emotional numbing few months after I quit the Sertraline finally in november 2014.

 

Is this competition about how wasted we have been? :D I have tried lot of stuff when I was younger but I'm sure that longterm sexual dysfunction is caused by the SSRI's. Of course illegal drugs can do harm to our brains too. In this world are many people who have token more legal and illegal drugs than both of us but they don't have the same emotional and sexual difficulties than we have. We just have had bad luck in this medical roulette. But we still got hope. I think that I felt like brain dead on the first year during this withdrawal. Now the situation is much better emotionally. For example sometimes I notice that I like the music. Feelings aren't so deep as earlier but it feels like they are slowly coming stronger even if I smoked huge amounts of weed almost daily for many years and I tried many illegal drugs and psychedelic stuff (I don't want to write the list about what I have took and how often). And I have also drank lot of alcohol during my life. But I have decided that I don't want to risk anything by taking those things again during that time when I'm suffering from those WD syptoms. Now I just try to learn to enjoy of small things and to be patient.

Ugh i wrote out a big message but accidentally clicked back.

 

Not a competition, just wanted to show you how much I done and how badly I was affected. Still, I blame the SSRIs.

How old are you?

 

What emotions do you experience now?

Every Spring I feel somewhat normal. Not like it was before the antidepressants, but it's something. Some emotions here and there and my mood is elevated.

Then it dissapears by Summer.

The fact that it happens in spring might mean something. I suddenly quit antidepressants for good in the Spring of 2014.

 

What other WD symptoms do you have?

 

 

 

 

 

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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1 hour ago, powerback said:

sorry for interjecting ,I agree with everything you say .one of the my  most proudest things ever is that I'm sober 2.5 years ,how I'm alive with my past from  partying and binge drinking amazes me .

take care and respect 

PB 

Thankfully you're well now x

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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1 minute ago, SadDoll said:

Thankfully you're well now x

ive often clicked back myself its a pain :D.

If you said that to my partner or family they would burst out crying ,relationship hanging by a thread ,family loosing patience,i could have to find somewhere to live soon ,because of my symptoms  ,im just getting better at trying to programme my brain to positivity ,it takes loads of effort .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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On 16.7.2017 at 1:23 AM, SadDoll said:

Ugh i wrote out a big message but accidentally clicked back.

 

Not a competition, just wanted to show you how much I done and how badly I was affected. Still, I blame the SSRIs.

How old are you?

 

What emotions do you experience now?

Every Spring I feel somewhat normal. Not like it was before the antidepressants, but it's something. Some emotions here and there and my mood is elevated.

Then it dissapears by Summer.

The fact that it happens in spring might mean something. I suddenly quit antidepressants for good in the Spring of 2014.

 

What other WD symptoms do you have?

 

I

 

 

I'm 28 year old. You can check my story from my personal topic. I think that my condition improving very slowly. I feel more emotions now than at the begining of the WD. I just came back from the lake where I used to go fishing. So that's why I'm very tired now and I don't have enough energy to write more now.

 

I'm not a native english speaker, sorry!

 

My history with Sertraline:

 

November 2009 - September 2013: most of the time my dose was 100 mg but when I stoped taking it first time my dose was 25 mg.

 

Unfornately I decided to start taking Sertraline again in April 2014. My new dose was 50 mg.

I took my last pill of Sertraline in November 2014. Then my dose was 25 mg.

 

Symptoms: PSSD, anhedonia and emotional anesthesia

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Sad doll,  I am sorry that you are going through this. You will recover and get your life back.  There are many stories on the internet of people who are suffering longer than others but we can't compare ourselves. We are all different and we don't know others' circumstances. Somwonw who has a lot of stress to deal with will find withdrawal harder. I had no feelings for years when I was being prescribed drugs for many years until I went on effexor then I went manic. That was amazing but not real and didn't last. before it reached poop out  (tachyphylaxis)Very soon I was back to zombie mode. didn't go out much and was husebound for quite a long time. I had no feelings and no desires for many years . Then I started tapering and feelings started to come back.  Withdrawal and side effects are the same in that they disrupt the nervous system. 

It takes time for healing to take place, mine started when I started to taper. Then I stopped too soon and got withdrawal so it was back to square one. I reinstated and restarted the taper.  I am so much better now than I was 5 years ago but still haven't finished with tapering so still having side effects. 

 

If you keep looking for people who are still suffering years after quitting a drug you will find them because they are the ones who are still shouting from the rooftops about it and so they should. The more people who shout the more likely to be heard eventually. Sadly people don't shout from the rooftops when they have recovered, they quietly get on with life and don't want to be reminde of what has been a traumatic time. There are many many members who we see getting better, They come here in a terrible way, some bedridden. They post all the time and let it all out, then they start to improve. They post less and less as they start getting back into doing normal things, then they start to pop by occasionally with good updates which are brilliant. They are back to work, going on holiday, just living. You don't see their stories because they have fallen down the pages, you only see the ones who are still having a hard time.  

 

People do recover and so will you.  It seems like a very long time but the days, months and years have passed and all the time your nervous system is working on healing. 

You are young and have your whole life ahead of you when this is over. Try to imagine what you will do with your life when you have recovered, that will keep you going. 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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1 hour ago, mammaP said:

Hi Sad doll,  I am sorry that you are going through this. You will recover and get your life back.  There are many stories on the internet of people who are suffering longer than others but we can't compare ourselves. We are all different and we don't know others' circumstances. Somwonw who has a lot of stress to deal with will find withdrawal harder. I had no feelings for years when I was being prescribed drugs for many years until I went on effexor then I went manic. That was amazing but not real and didn't last. before it reached poop out  (tachyphylaxis)Very soon I was back to zombie mode. didn't go out much and was husebound for quite a long time. I had no feelings and no desires for many years . Then I started tapering and feelings started to come back.  Withdrawal and side effects are the same in that they disrupt the nervous system. 

It takes time for healing to take place, mine started when I started to taper. Then I stopped too soon and got withdrawal so it was back to square one. I reinstated and restarted the taper.  I am so much better now than I was 5 years ago but still haven't finished with tapering so still having side effects. 

 

If you keep looking for people who are still suffering years after quitting a drug you will find them because they are the ones who are still shouting from the rooftops about it and so they should. The more people who shout the more likely to be heard eventually. Sadly people don't shout from the rooftops when they have recovered, they quietly get on with life and don't want to be reminde of what has been a traumatic time. There are many many members who we see getting better, They come here in a terrible way, some bedridden. They post all the time and let it all out, then they start to improve. They post less and less as they start getting back into doing normal things, then they start to pop by occasionally with good updates which are brilliant. They are back to work, going on holiday, just living. You don't see their stories because they have fallen down the pages, you only see the ones who are still having a hard time.  

 

People do recover and so will you.  It seems like a very long time but the days, months and years have passed and all the time your nervous system is working on healing. 

You are young and have your whole life ahead of you when this is over. Try to imagine what you will do with your life when you have recovered, that will keep you going. 

Thank you Mamma P :)

 

It's great to hear positivity regarded pssd.

Loads of people taper and not many cold turkey, from what I read. So that makes me worry.

Do you think I should I go back on SSRIs and taper off?

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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2 hours ago, SadDoll said:

Do you think I should I go back on SSRIs and taper off?

 

Your signature says that you have been drug free since 2014.  That's 3 years.  My personal opinion is that it would be very silly to even consider taking an SSRI.

 

I haven't read back through your Intro.  Learning acceptance, practising relaxation and calming techniques and distracting by doing things you like are all ways that can help your CNS heal as well as help the time to pass more quickly and pleasantly.  Focussing on your symptoms only adds stress which slows healing.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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Hey everyone, hope you are all well.

 

Well, I just want to pop in and ask something.

 

The last week for me has been rough. I read an article on doctor Healy's site saying that PSSD is most likely permanent and there is no way to tell who's going to get through this or not.

 

I would give everything I have and everything I will have to get my emotions back. All of them. And my ability to feel arousal and pleasure.

 

It's tough because in all the cases of recovery I've read online, they reported frequent windows of improvement that increased with strength each time. Well, as for me I never had a full window of being back to normal.

I've had flashes of feeling (last night my heart speed up a bit while looking at an ex's page and it lasted a few seconds) and slight arousal throughout the last 3 years (although one night in 2014, just after I quit the SSRIs, I remember waking up really aroused one night).

 

But other than that one time over 3 years ago, my arousal has never returned to even half of how it used to be.

 

I also noticed that many people who recovered tapered, as opposed to quitting suddenly. Are there any cold turkey recoveries out there? 

 

I feel like I'm stuck in hell. My brain wants sex, but my body doesn't commute. Nothing stirs. 

 

I want to be positive, but I cant even imagine being restored to normal again. 

 

I just need to rant here, sorry if I bum anyone out. I really dont want to. 

 

Who here has recovered or improved significantly without experiencing windows for the first few years? 

 

I want to be whole again. I feel like I've lost so much. Even my faith. 

Now I'm dark and broody. I used to be so vibrant, emotional, and excitable.

I feel so hollow now and I want the silence inside to stop.

 

It's hard to hope when there are 1000s of people online saying that it's more than likely forever. 

I'm in my early 20s.

I want to be able to relate to other people when they talk about sex. I want to laugh properly again, to feel it in my gut. And I want to love fully and not just flashes of unrequited 'like' here and there. I want to feel joy and I want to be excited. 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed expression offensive to some

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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Hi SD,

   I'm really sorry that your'e going through that. I haven't had the same experience but I really hope things get better for you. I have read several CT success stories on the forums here, and I know some of them mentioned PSSD improving after some time. I can't think of the specific names right now, but I'm sure you can find them if you go to that part of the forums and search "PSSD". I have also seen some advice given out on this forum in relation to PSSD- try not to stress about it too much (I know that's much easier said than done). Just have faith that you will heal one day and try to live your life as best as you can in the mean time. If you try to force feelings that aren't there, it will just lead to more stress and despair. I really hope things get better for you, just hang in there. I think its a good sign that you have had some slight arousal during the past few years, just look at it as a sign your body and brain are healing. I also recommend looking up Neuroplasticity on here as well. I have learned that the brain has a remarkable ability to heal itself, the only kicker is that it takes a long time. Hang in there, feel free to message me if you want to vent.

 

Kang 

Drug History:  Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg.

                          September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg

                          Current dose as of 5/11/2018  50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron

                        Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay.

                        Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue

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Hi Kang,

 

Thanks for your reply.

 

What's your story? If you dont mind me asking. 

 

It is really hard when I'm not showing signs of overcoming this chemically induced asexuality. 

I hate how the doctors tried to blame it on depression, even through I had suffered for depression years ago before I got PSSD.

 I felt everything intensely and I had a very high sex drive regardless of being a morbidly depressed teenager/young adult. 

 

The problem is, the slight arousal i do get happens very rarely. The majority of the time, nothing happens. Sucks when you're a young woman with a mental interest in men but not a physical one. I feel like a robot.

 

I dont mind how long it takes, as long as I reboot back to normal. 

 

What I dont get is how come people recover from awful things, like car crashes and class A drug abuse, yet PSSD seems to be a mostly permanent deal. What the hell are our doctors giving us. I feel like my life ended before it even begun. 

I'd give up my left leg to be back to normal. Seriously, I would. No hesitation. 

 

Maybe my anhedonia has gotten worse over the years because of the depression I entered due to discovering PSSD. It's like I'm dying slowly inside. 

 

Thanks again for your support Kang. How are you feeling?

 

 

 

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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I was quite depressed when I was younger as well. I always had difficulty in school and had quite a bit of anxiety as well. I was put on Zoloft when I was 16 years old. I honestly don't remember if it helped me at first or not, all I know is that my depression got worse and worse through the years. I became a drug addict, dropped out of college several times, and generally stagnate in life because I didn't care about anything. This past May, I finally decided something had to change or I was probably going to kill myself. I quit all of the drugs/alcohol and also decided to quit my Zoloft at the same time since I felt like it wasn't helping my depression at all. About 3 weeks later I began to go through horrible withdrawal and became more depressed than I had ever been in my life. I ended up in a mental hospital outpatient program and was reinstated on my Zoloft, although at a lower dose than what I had been on. Since then I have found this site and discovered all of the information about how psych drugs are actually harmful to people. I realized my worsening depression was probably caused by my Zoloft. I was never suicidal before I took the meds, but I certainly became suicidal on them. Since I have reinstated I have gone through horrible depression, anhedonia, horrible depersonalization/derealization, and anxiety. I also have terrible tinnitus that I never had in my life before I quit CT. I think this is because I am on 50mg now, and before I quit I had been on 100mg for years. I also started on Remeron for sleep, lost my prescription, and had to quit that CT too. This obviously made everything worse. I can relate to you feeling like a robot, I have had quite a few days like that. My emotions are definitely blunted. My libido is now lower than it was too, although not as extremely as yours. In spite of that, I have had a few "windows" where I feel almost normal. On the days I feel normal, I feel like my depression is better than it had been in years (although its still not good). I also feel more connected to my friends and family at times, although usually I feel disconnected and in a "fog". 

 

I'm really sorry that you're having such a hard time. I know exactly what you mean when you say you would give your leg to feel normal again. My advice to you is to believe with all your heart that your PSSD and Anhedonia ARE NOT PERMANENT. I truly believe you will heal, it just takes a long time. I think if you are able to heal from this trauma, you will be able to handle anything in life. Read this story I linked at the bottom. This guy had Zoloft withdrawal REALLY REALLY bad. It took him a long time to feel better again. I think you just have to give it time. In the meantime, you have to live your life as best as you can. Stay connected with your support system and do whatever you can to be active in life. I also recommend that you don't read any more stories about people with "permanent" PSSD. It is only going to scare you and make it harder for your brain to heal. The power of positive thinking is a real thing, and I think that negative thinking can have to opposite effect and make it harder to heal. In the meantime, you've got a friend across the ocean here in the US if you are ever having a hard time and want to talk. We're in this struggle together.

 

Take care of yourself,

Kang

 

Drug History:  Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg.

                          September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg

                          Current dose as of 5/11/2018  50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron

                        Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay.

                        Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue

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I'm really sorry to hear that Kang. It's scary and senseless that suicidal ideation is a side effect of medications that are meant to help people who are depressed. Makes no sense.

I hate big pharma and the greed that drives it.

The fact that you decided to make a positive change in your life by quitting drugs, alcohol, and SSRIs at the same time is strong as hell. It may have ended with you in hospital, but at the time you didnt know the dangers of cold turkeying SSRIs. 

 

I hope that you heal soon. And I think that you will.
I'm here if you want to talk, anytime. Just drop me a message. The fact that you have windows is great.

You should try to get off the 5omg of Zoloft. Ask your doctor to help you taper slowly until you're eventually off them.

 

Yeah, the power of thought is amazing. I really want to be positive but I find it so hard, what with the negative stories online and my morbid depression. 

 

Thank you for the link and for your support.

 

 

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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Thanks SD, that means alot. If I knew how dangerous these drugs were, I never would have started on them. Unfortunately I was a teenager and my doctor's never explained to me how these drugs really work and how hard it can be to come off them. I was told i had a chemical imbalance that the drugs would fix. I know now that was a straight up lie. There is no evidence of any chemical imbalance causing depression (unless you count the imbalance you get from actually taking the drugs. Ironic.)Honestly quitting illegal drugs was a walk in the park compared to this. I am planning on tapering off of the Zoloft, but not quite yet. I have really put my system through hell the past few months and I want to give myself a chance to truly stabilize. I know what you mean about being positive, I struggle with that too especially on my bad days. Hang in there, things will get better :)

Drug History:  Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg.

                          September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg

                          Current dose as of 5/11/2018  50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron

                        Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay.

                        Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue

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Hey Sad doll.

 

I can relate to what your saying. everything you speak of, I've gone through

all be it different time frames and different drugs, but I hope my story gives you hope and I'll watch yours as well

 

I've had big imrovements now and then, even though I feel robotic today.

 

as for pssd lasting forever, that just ain't true as far as I know. all functions come back no matter how crazy things got

 

Nick

late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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On 8/30/2017 at 0:37 AM, kangamangus said:

Thanks SD, that means alot. If I knew how dangerous these drugs were, I never would have started on them. Unfortunately I was a teenager and my doctor's never explained to me how these drugs really work and how hard it can be to come off them. I was told i had a chemical imbalance that the drugs would fix. I know now that was a straight up lie. There is no evidence of any chemical imbalance causing depression (unless you count the imbalance you get from actually taking the drugs. Ironic.)Honestly quitting illegal drugs was a walk in the park compared to this. I am planning on tapering off of the Zoloft, but not quite yet. I have really put my system through hell the past few months and I want to give myself a chance to truly stabilize. I know what you mean about being positive, I struggle with that too especially on my bad days. Hang in there, things will get better :)

Couldn't agree more with what you said.

It's fucked that they dont even know much about how SSRIs (and other antidepressants) work yet they keep pushing them. Such a disgusting industry that has no regard for the human beings. They just want patients so they can get money.

 

Just take tapering slowly and have faith :)

 

How are you feeling lately?

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

Link to comment
On 9/5/2017 at 3:20 PM, nicolantana said:

Hey Sad doll.

 

I can relate to what your saying. everything you speak of, I've gone through

all be it different time frames and different drugs, but I hope my story gives you hope and I'll watch yours as well

 

I've had big imrovements now and then, even though I feel robotic today.

 

as for pssd lasting forever, that just ain't true as far as I know. all functions come back no matter how crazy things got

 

Nick

Hi Nick,

 

It's great that you're experiencing big improvements. How are you today?

 

What's your drug history?

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

Link to comment
3 hours ago, SadDoll said:

Couldn't agree more with what you said.

It's fucked that they dont even know much about how SSRIs (and other antidepressants) work yet they keep pushing them. Such a disgusting industry that has no regard for the human beings. They just want patients so they can get money.

 

Just take tapering slowly and have faith :)

 

How are you feeling lately?

Hey SD, unfortunately things seem to have gotten worse for me. I was feeling pretty good when I was responding to you initially, but it seems that the depression has hit me harder than it ever has before. I am just barely holding on. I hope you are well.

Drug History:  Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg.

                          September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg

                          Current dose as of 5/11/2018  50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron

                        Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay.

                        Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue

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I'm sorry to hear that Kanga.

PM?

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

Link to comment

Hey SD, how are you doing today?

Drug History:  Zoloft(sertraline) since 2008. Was up to 100mg/daily before CT in May 2017. Reinstated 3 weeks later at 50mg.

                          September 10, 2017 Updose Zoloft to 62.5mg

                          Current dose as of 5/11/2018  50mg Zoloft and 0mg Remeron

                        Remeron(mirtazapine) started June 2017. Accidental CT after 1 month. Reinstated 7.5mg on 9/26/17 after hospital stay.

                        Current Symptoms: Depression, Anxiety, DP/DR, Anhedonia, SI, Tinnitus, Fatigue

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator

Hi SadDoll:

 

I read in your signature help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

 

I feel the same way. I have 1 friend (if that's what you call her) that lives in the town I live in. I moved from the hometown I was born and raised to be with my fiancé 4 years ago, to a little 600 people, no where town. 

 

I left my my family and friends. It's really difficult right now because my 16 years old chihuahua is sick, she keeps me going.

 

I miss my granddaughter the most. I'm 2 1/2 hours away from her. I used to see her almost every weekend.

 

If you ever want to just talk, I'm here.

 

Good luck in your WD. I'm still tapering.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Frogie, I know it's not the same, but we are here for you.  I'm sorry you are lonely.   I hope Blackie is doing better.  What does the vet say?

 

Gridley

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of May 2: 6.1mg

Taper is 92% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • Moderator
31 minutes ago, Gridley said:

Frogie, I know it's not the same, but we are here for you.  I'm sorry you are lonely.   I hope Blackie is doing better.  What does the vet say?

 

Gridley

Gridley:

 

It's not the same. I really appreciate you being here for me. It means a lot.

 

We will find out on the 7th of Oct how Brownie is, but she is eating better.

 

Thanks for asking.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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  • 7 months later...

Hey,

 

Please NO gloomy replies. I'm going through an awful time at the moment and simply cannot handle any negativity. 

 

By late healings, I mean people who have recovered from PSSD and/or emotional blunting several years after ceasing all meds. 

 

I'm in this 4 years now post meds and still feel pretty hopeless. I really dont want to bring anyone down so that's all Im saying. 

 

Feedback is much appreciated. I need to not feel alone right now, and hope is much needed. 

 

Thank you.

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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  • Administrator

Please see our Success Stories forum.

 

Recovery can take many years. What is your symptom pattern now? How has it changed in the last year?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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SadDoll— have you seen any windows or glimpses of your sexuality or emotions returning in the 4 years since you stopped the SSRI? Has there ever been a week, a day, an hour when you felt slightly improved in terms of genital numbness, anhedonia, etc? Or have your symptoms been constant this whole time? I’m also a young female with PSSD and from what I’ve learned, four years might not be that long in PSSD terms, and windows are a sign that recovery is very possible. I can’t tell you not to obsess about it, stop being depressed about it, etc, because I know it’s impossible. I also am extremely depressed about being unable to feel love due to PSSD. I actually know a woman who is 5 years off SSRIs and did not have any improvements in her PSSD symptoms at all until last year when she started to improve, so maybe that will happen for you. There are also post finasteride recovery stories of people 5+ years off who recovered, as well as other long term pssd success stories. Spruce30 posted the link to Mr. B’s 12 year success story in the PSSD topic on page 17? I believe. Hang in there. We’re in the same boat, and recovery is possible.

-potions

Zoloft 50 mg from April 23, 2015 to August 28th, 2016 (1 year, 4 months).

4 week taper. Last dose on August 28, 2016

 

Mianserin 30 mg in an attempt to reverse PSSD from September 6th, 2017–around mid November 2017 after a few week taper. Did not fix PSSD

 

Currently taking: Melatonin and magnesium every night.

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Please don't do anything to harm yourself sad doll. I have known of two people recovering at 7-9 years out, and one person at 12 years out. There is a lot of hope that you can recover too.

 

I know that PSSD can take you to some dark places, I have been there myself. But try to keep going, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Also Dr Healy and Rxisk are working very hard to get PSSD officially acknowledged as a real condition, so in the near future you won't have to deal with it not being acknowledged by doctors etc. 

 

If you feel you can please report your PSSD to Rxisk, as they are collecting reports of PSSD to put pressure on the medical establishment to acknowledge it is real.

 

All reports are treated confidentially. Every case counts. Here is the link to report it, if you want to

 

https://rxisk.org/report-a-drug-side-effect-2/

 

 

Last took an SSRI January 2009.

Last took a benzodiazepine May 2015.

Free from all prescription medication since May 2015.

Everything has mostly healed apart from PSSD which is still very bad, and is my most distressing symptom. Also i have developed some allergy problems/ sensitivities to things in the environment which i believe was possibly caused by the prescription medications (SSRI's and benzos).

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4 hours ago, potions said:

SadDoll— have you seen any windows or glimpses of your sexuality or emotions returning in the 4 years since you stopped the SSRI? Has there ever been a week, a day, an hour when you felt slightly improved in terms of genital numbness, anhedonia, etc? Or have your symptoms been constant this whole time? I’m also a young female with PSSD and from what I’ve learned, four years might not be that long in PSSD terms, and windows are a sign that recovery is very possible. I can’t tell you not to obsess about it, stop being depressed about it, etc, because I know it’s impossible. I also am extremely depressed about being unable to feel love due to PSSD. I actually know a woman who is 5 years off SSRIs and did not have any improvements in her PSSD symptoms at all until last year when she started to improve, so maybe that will happen for you. There are also post finasteride recovery stories of people 5+ years off who recovered, as well as other long term pssd success stories. Spruce30 posted the link to Mr. B’s 12 year success story in the PSSD topic on page 17? I believe. Hang in there. We’re in the same boat, and recovery is possible.

-potions

Hi Potions, thanks for your response. I know this sounds strange as we've never spoken before, but I've come across your posts in the past and pray for you sometimes. Sorry if that sounds creepy! I pray for us all on here and the other sites.

 

Have I experienced windows? I think so, yes but I have OCD so it tries to convince me I never had windows if that makes any sense?

Hard to explain but when I'm how I am now I cant think of anything else but the hell I'm in. 

I have had windows of feelings, like extreme jealousy if I see an ex with a new girl, or even romantic ones like my heart kinda speeding up if I lurked a past romantic interest online.

Feelings I cant really remember right now but they happened. Last year I had what I think were very strong feelings towards my ex and his girlfriend. Mostly envy, but it was intense.

 

Sexually, sorry for the TMI, I have had glimpses of small windows here and there but nothing like I was pre SSRI.

My issue isnt with the sexual side anymore, I just care about emotions.

 

Thank you so much for the reply, it gives me hope. Especially about the woman not really getting windows until 5 years in and then recovering :D

 

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

Link to comment
11 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Please see our Success Stories forum.

 

Recovery can take many years. What is your symptom pattern now? How has it changed in the last year?

I'm not sure, I know that last year I had really strong feelings of jealousy and longing for an ex. This year, I'm not sure. My mental health is awful this year.

 

How are things with you?

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Spruce30 said:

Please don't do anything to harm yourself sad doll. I have known of two people recovering at 7-9 years out, and one person at 12 years out. There is a lot of hope that you can recover too.

 

I know that PSSD can take you to some dark places, I have been there myself. But try to keep going, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Also Dr Healy and Rxisk are working very hard to get PSSD officially acknowledged as a real condition, so in the near future you won't have to deal with it not being acknowledged by doctors etc. 

 

If you feel you can please report your PSSD to Rxisk, as they are collecting reports of PSSD to put pressure on the medical establishment to acknowledge it is real.

 

All reports are treated confidentially. Every case counts. Here is the link to report it, if you want to

 

https://rxisk.org/report-a-drug-side-effect-2/

 

 

Thanks for your response Spruce. Those accounts of the people healing that far out are great to hear. :)

 

How are you feeling yourself recently? Any improvements? 

 

The RxISK prize is promising, I really hope there's an update soon. Dr Healy seems to be more positive when it comes to healing too, a few years back he was really negative about it all to be honest. 

 

I already filled out a report a year or so back but thank you for the link

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

Link to comment

Have been in a wave for the last two weeks, so haven't been feeling too great recently.

 

In the last 4 months I have seen some lasting improvement in the genital anaesthesia and the emotional numbness which has been good, but the libido and anorgasmia is still bad with only small improvements that wax and wane.

 

Sometimes I struggle to feel positive about recovery when I am in a wave, but when I am in a window I feel there is hope for eventual recovery.

Last took an SSRI January 2009.

Last took a benzodiazepine May 2015.

Free from all prescription medication since May 2015.

Everything has mostly healed apart from PSSD which is still very bad, and is my most distressing symptom. Also i have developed some allergy problems/ sensitivities to things in the environment which i believe was possibly caused by the prescription medications (SSRI's and benzos).

Link to comment

You're improving though, which is great news! I hope that you get a good window soon.

 

Do you think the RxISK prize will be successful?

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

I'm okay, thanks. Spending way too much time at the computer.

 

SadDoll, are your symptoms all emotional? How's your sleep?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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