success ☼ Introducing Jemima

[Jemima]

Thanks for the encouragement, Tezza and Barb. I just ordered a needlepoint kit and plan to go to the sewing group two Tuesdays from now (already have a dental appointment for that day this week). I'm hoping that will help get the creative juices flowing again. I miss that part of me most of all.

[Karma]

Hi Jemima

 

Thanks for sharing your latest baby step forward . It is great that you had the inclination to invite others to join your for dinner and they joined you. I find that one of the reasons I enjoy my work is because of the interaction with other humans.

 

I agree with Barb that it is more than a baby step.

 

I, too, miss my creativity. Keep us posted on the sewing group - I hope to hear that it goes well and brings you enjoyment, but if not, I know you'll keep at it until you find something that sparks your creativity again.

 

Karma

[Jemima]

Thanks, Karma. Being around people at work is something that I miss very much. I never thought that would happen since most of them were a pain, but apparently this lack of human contact is a major component in depression among retirees. In my case, my job was so draining and I was so tired of aggravating people (including a one and a half hour hair-raising commute each way in Philadelphia traffic) that I didn't make any close, local friends the entire seven years of my last job. Big mistake! Now I have to start from scratch. However, I've noticed that there are a lot of bored, lonely people around who are either too proud to admit that they are or they just don't know what to do about it, so I'm getting brazen about inviting people to join me for this or that. The women I invited to dinner last Sunday remarked several times about what a good idea it was to get together for dinner so we'll likely continue to meet after the monthly writers' group.

 

Even distractions like Solitaire and reading are helpful. I'm determined to never get badly depressed again and keeping my mind off of myself and how I'm feeling seems to be key.

[tezza]

I totally agree about Solitaire and reading being a good distraction. Now, if I could just get out and find some bored, lonely people!

 

I'm happy for you, Jemima.

[basildev]

Hey Jemima,

 

I think it's fantastic that you invited that woman to dinner. I agree there are many, many lonely people in the world and when we're feeling the same way ourselves (lonely, disconnected) it can be too easy to just shut down and shrink away rather than open up and risk being rejected.

 

I love to make the 'first move' in friendships. I don't take in personally if I get a rejection. More often than not people want to connect but are too afraid.

 

I hope you enjoy your sewing group. I once heard a saying: 'If you're stuck in a rut, do something different - ANYTHING different).

 

Hugs to you.

[Nikki]

Jemima is Lipitor for Cholesterol? I had trouble with cholesterol meds. I felt like my limbs were submerged in cement.

 

Are off any of those meds? I am so sorry that that happened to you. If I go back in your Intro will I find the story?

 

Baby steps when put together are major steps and you've made several. Look at the accomplishment and how much better it made you feel 'knowing' you did something.

 

Jemima a I have a friend who moved here from Seattle. She was a very intense introvert. She moved here to be near her sister. Her sister (my friend) got Nancy to go to Al-Anon meetings.

(I've shared about me being in Al-Anon). She started going and now she goes to three meetings a week. She has good, real friends and became a Sponsor for other women in the Fellowship.

 

Her life turned around as she stepped out a bit. She still has a bit of anticipatory anxiety, but she move thru it easily and has created a full life in retirement which she never had before.

 

Her mother was mentally ill and alcoholic. Her husband was alcoholic. She suffered from depression and anxiety and she takes an AD which works well for her.

 

I was reminded of this while reading your posts. You are not alone. You took that first step and it will lead to more

 

Hugs.

[Jemima]

Jemima is Lipitor for Cholesterol? I had trouble with cholesterol meds. I felt like my limbs were submerged in cement.

 

Are off any of those meds? I am so sorry that that happened to you. If I go back in your Intro will I find the story?

 

Baby steps when put together are major steps and you've made several. Look at the accomplishment and how much better it made you feel 'knowing' you did something.

 

Jemima a I have a friend who moved here from Seattle. She was a very intense introvert. She moved here to be near her sister. Her sister (my friend) got Nancy to go to Al-Anon meetings.

(I've shared about me being in Al-Anon). She started going and now she goes to three meetings a week. She has good, real friends and became a Sponsor for other women in the Fellowship.

 

Her life turned around as she stepped out a bit. She still has a bit of anticipatory anxiety, but she move thru it easily and has created a full life in retirement which she never had before.

 

Her mother was mentally ill and alcoholic. Her husband was alcoholic. She suffered from depression and anxiety and she takes an AD which works well for her.

 

I was reminded of this while reading your posts. You are not alone. You took that first step and it will lead to more

 

Hugs.

 

Yes, Lipitor is for cholesterol. The only drug I take at present is a low-dose calcium channel blocker for blood pressure. The story is on the first page of this Intro.

 

I've often thought it would be nice to belong to AA or something like it. There's always a meeting somewhere and you've got something in common with other members before you even show up. I'm not an alcoholic, though, and there's no one close who is. There don't seem to be any depression support groups in the area.

[basildev]

There are heaps of internet dating sites, I've always wondered why the same kind thing hasn't taken off for websites dedicated to helping people find new friends.

 

I know there's a website called www.meetup.com. I haven't used it myself.

 

I meet a lot of people through my work, and something I find really sad and ironic is that many of these people have over 1000 'friends' on Facebook, yet they spend their weekends and evenings alone because they have no real friends.

[Nikki]

AA is for alcoholics.....Al-Anon is for friends and relative of Alcoholics or drug addicts.

 

Both are wonderful support groups with a camaraderie I have never seen anywhere else.

 

It is easy to start a support group Jemima. You could make it a women's group that meets at your home once or twice a month.

 

My friend Karen had a Wednesday meeting at her house for women who take AD's. She did this for about two year. It was wonderful. We all need someone to talk to.

 

Hugs

[Jemima]

There are heaps of internet dating sites, I've always wondered why the same kind of thing hasn't taken off for websites dedicated to helping people find new friends.

 

I know there's a website called www.meetup.com. I haven't used it myself.

 

'Meetup' is for people who want to be involved with a local group that's dedicated to a cause, like environmentalism as an example. I expect that a person might make friends while working for a common goal like that, but it isn't the main purpose.

 

Now that you mention it, it is strange that there aren't more structured ways for people to make friends. I used to make most of my friends at work back in my psychotherapist days, but once I became an auditor that ended because my coworkers and I lived at such distances from one another and spent so much time traveling that getting together socially was a chore.

 

I meet a lot of people through my work, and something I find really sad and ironic is that many of these people have over 1000 'friends' on Facebook, yet they spend their weekends and evenings alone because they have no real friends.

 

That's awfully common. And it is sad. I'm pretty much in that position myself, except that I don't have 1000 'friends' on Facebook. (Heck, I don't even like Facebook). A large part of the problem seems to be that jobs are so terribly demanding. Everyone I know who's still working is just frantically busy with little time for a social life. Finding groups that share my interests is challenging, but thanks to our outstanding library I've been able to make a start.

[basildev]

Ha!

 

The only reason I'm on Facebook is because I run a page for my husband's business. Talk about narcissism!

 

I'm actually amazed that no-one has cornered the market and created a website like this. I mean where you actually arrange to call each other an meet up and take the friendship further. I think it would be a huge hit. There are a few around but they're pretty lame.

 

The reason why internet dating works so well is because people ARE busy and they don't have time to hang around in bars waiting for the right person to come along. With internet dating you can choose who you want to meet, when, where and for how long.

 

Such a shame there isn't the same facility for people who want to connect.

[Barbarannamated]

Jemima,

 

Ive found that the Meetup groups vary a lot in different areas. Where I am in SoCal, there are very few. However, when I signed up in Nashville, there were many groups for people just to get together and meet new people, unrelated to a cause or sport. For example, I found a few like "Dinner Group for Women over 50 and new to Nashville" or see a movie with new friends, movies once a week, bookclubs, etc. That area draws new people (business and entertainment) and many are in transition and looking to meet new friends - much of why I liked it there.

 

Just thought I'd mention since I saw how Meetup is being used by people in exactly this situation we're discussing. I've tried to steer away from illness-related groups as social support because the focus is inevitably on the condition in common. This is not to say that support groups are not good! They serve a great purpose.

[Jemima]

Wow, thanks for the heads-up, Barb. I took another look at Meetup, and it's changed a lot since the last time I checked it out. (Or maybe I missed a lot because I was looking for a specific kind of group at the time). I found a Christian group in the area that's having a picnic June 1st, so I signed up! Most of the groups are based in the city, but I might try starting something out here in the northern 'burbs.

[Barbarannamated]

Very glad to hear that, Jemima!

[Nikki]

We have Meet-up here Jemima.....good move

[Nikki]

Hi Jemima

 

I was reading on another post that you are near the end of your taper.....

 

How is it going?

[Jemima]

Hi Jemima

 

I was reading on another post that you are near the end of your taper.....

 

How is it going?

 

I think you've got me mixed up with someone else. I've been off of Lexapro for seventeen months and the only medication I take is a small dose of blood pressure medication.

[Barbarannamated]

Jemima,

 

I can't locate it now, but wanted to thank you for your very concise explanation of vascular cause of dementia in another thread. That is in my family and very few explanations are as clear as your description. Additionally, as SSRIs cause vasoconstriction, it helps to see the correlation to dementia. I haven't had the courage to read Grace Jackson's "A Drug-Induced Dementia" - a bit too close to home.

[Jemima]

Thanks for the compliment, Barb.  Just goes to show that a person never knows how their comments and suggestions may help someone.  That's encouraging. 

[Jemima]

So here it is more than two months since my last post in this thread, and I'm still experiencing emotional numbness.  I really had hoped that I'd be back to normal by now.  I'm also still experiencing waves and windows, although they're often so subtle it's difficult to realize right away that that's what's happening.

 

Today I attended a women's sewing group that I've been going to for some weeks and realized that the reason I didn't feel all warm and cozy about it or excited about ideas that were being discussed is that I'm still somewhat numb.  It was a relief in a way.  I've been fretting about not finding some sort of project or ministry that would really turn me on, but this afternoon I realized that something of that nature could be sitting right in front of me and I wouldn't recognize it because of the diminished emotional responses I generally am experiencing.  At this point in the withdrawal process it's difficult to tell what's me and what's due to antidepressant withdrawal, but so far it's nearly always turned out to be withdrawal.

 

There has been some improvement.  Two months ago I had trouble reading fiction because I couldn't engage emotionally with the characters.  Now I can read light fiction and stay interested, although the heavy duty kind tends to put me in an unpleasant mood.  I've been able to take an interest in a needlepoint project and keep at it, although I'm not really excited about it. I'm able to go out with new friends and enjoy the time together, although I tend to get anxious as the time to leave draws near and I start thinking about going home to nothing much aside from my dearly loved cat. I'm getting out more. I feel somewhat more engaged with others.  I've had some windows of normalcy that have lasted from minutes to hours.

 

There.  I've gotten it down in writing and that helps.  It helps to make sense of why I've avoided making any major decisions or getting involved in a serious relationship, and why I haven't found that calling I hope to eventually find.  It helps to see that, although I haven't found any new activities, I've been showing up for the ones I have found much more regularly.  At first, I seemed to find excuses to not go about half the time.  So I've made some progress after all.

 

Bu it does get tiresome.  Always the answer is to have patience and wait.  And wait some more.

[Petunia]

Thank you for posting an update Jemima. I feel the same way as you with regard to the waiting being tiresome, in spite of there being some progress.

[Jemima]

Interesting - we were posting on each other's Intro threads at the same time!

[Barbarannamated]

Thanks for a very insightful and encouraging update, Jemima.

[strawberry17]

I'm reading some inspiring updates today, first Mr A and now you Jemima. Numbing is the worst thing about these drugs.

[alex]

So here it is more than two months since my last post in this thread, and I'm still experiencing emotional numbness.  I really had hoped that I'd be back to normal by now.  I'm also still experiencing waves and windows, although they're often so subtle it's difficult to realize right away that that's what's happening.

 

Today I attended a women's sewing group that I've been going to for some weeks and realized that the reason I didn't feel all warm and cozy about it or excited about ideas that were being discussed is that I'm still somewhat numb.  It was a relief in a way.  I've been fretting about not finding some sort of project or ministry that would really turn me on, but this afternoon I realized that something of that nature could be sitting right in front of me and I wouldn't recognize it because of the diminished emotional responses I generally am experiencing.  At this point in the withdrawal process it's difficult to tell what's me and what's due to antidepressant withdrawal, but so far it's nearly always turned out to be withdrawal.

 

There has been some improvement.  Two months ago I had trouble reading fiction because I couldn't engage emotionally with the characters.  Now I can read light fiction and stay interested, although the heavy duty kind tends to put me in an unpleasant mood.  I've been able to take an interest in a needlepoint project and keep at it, although I'm not really excited about it. I'm able to go out with new friends and enjoy the time together, although I tend to get anxious as the time to leave draws near and I start thinking about going home to nothing much aside from my dearly loved cat. I'm getting out more. I feel somewhat more engaged with others.  I've had some windows of normalcy that have lasted from minutes to hours.

 

There.  I've gotten it down in writing and that helps.  It helps to make sense of why I've avoided making any major decisions or getting involved in a serious relationship, and why I haven't found that calling I hope to eventually find.  It helps to see that, although I haven't found any new activities, I've been showing up for the ones I have found much more regularly.  At first, I seemed to find excuses to not go about half the time.  So I've made some progress after all.

 

Bu it does get tiresome.  Always the answer is to have patience and wait.  And wait some more.

 

That is so very good Jemima! once you start doing things, you will keep extending your boundaries.

It could be difficult at the begining, but after a while you will feel more at ease.

 

Sending you good vibes.

[Jemima]

Thanks, Alex, and everyone else who responded.

 

The past few days have been notably better for whatever reason.  I'm sleeping less (down from 9-10 hours a night to 8-8.5), finding it easier to get up, and I'm also able to do a few more things without balking, like driving out to a park for a nice walk and doing some housecleaning.

 

I also have an unfamiliar feeling that something has changed for the better, something like a lightening of mood.  I'm not sure if this is a breakthrough of the emotional numbness or not because nothing especially positive or negative has happened to me this week.  It just feels like some kind of burden has fallen away.  When I figure out what's going on, I'll post again.

[Karma]

It sounds promising, Jemima.  Please do keep us posted.

 

Karma

[Narcissus]

 

 

I had trouble reading fiction because I couldn't engage emotionally with the characters. 

 

Very interesting, I've been struggling with this myself.  

 

Glad to hear that things seem to be improving.

[dunerbug]

So here it is more than two months since my last post in this thread, and I'm still experiencing emotional numbness.  I really had hoped that I'd be back to normal by now.  I'm also still experiencing waves and windows, although they're often so subtle it's difficult to realize right away that that's what's happening.

 

Today I attended a women's sewing group that I've been going to for some weeks and realized that the reason I didn't feel all warm and cozy about it or excited about ideas that were being discussed is that I'm still somewhat numb.  It was a relief in a way.  I've been fretting about not finding some sort of project or ministry that would really turn me on, but this afternoon I realized that something of that nature could be sitting right in front of me and I wouldn't recognize it because of the diminished emotional responses I generally am experiencing.  At this point in the withdrawal process it's difficult to tell what's me and what's due to antidepressant withdrawal, but so far it's nearly always turned out to be withdrawal.

 

There has been some improvement.  Two months ago I had trouble reading fiction because I couldn't engage emotionally with the characters.  Now I can read light fiction and stay interested, although the heavy duty kind tends to put me in an unpleasant mood.  I've been able to take an interest in a needlepoint project and keep at it, although I'm not really excited about it. I'm able to go out with new friends and enjoy the time together, although I tend to get anxious as the time to leave draws near and I start thinking about going home to nothing much aside from my dearly loved cat. I'm getting out more. I feel somewhat more engaged with others.  I've had some windows of normalcy that have lasted from minutes to hours.

 

There.  I've gotten it down in writing and that helps.  It helps to make sense of why I've avoided making any major decisions or getting involved in a serious relationship, and why I haven't found that calling I hope to eventually find.  It helps to see that, although I haven't found any new activities, I've been showing up for the ones I have found much more regularly.  At first, I seemed to find excuses to not go about half the time.  So I've made some progress after all.

 

Bu it does get tiresome.  Always the answer is to have patience and wait.  And wait some more.

Glad to hear you're making progress!

 

I really relate to what you've said about not knowing whether it's you or the withdrawal. 

 

That has been tripping me up lately. It's like having to find yourself all over again. 

 

((((Healing vibes to you))))

[strawberry17]

Thanks, Alex, and everyone else who responded.

 

The past few days have been notably better for whatever reason.  I'm sleeping less (down from 9-10 hours a night to 8-8.5), finding it easier to get up, and I'm also able to do a few more things without balking, like driving out to a park for a nice walk and doing some housecleaning.

 

I also have an unfamiliar feeling that something has changed for the better, something like a lightening of mood.  I'm not sure if this is a breakthrough of the emotional numbness or not because nothing especially positive or negative has happened to me this week.  It just feels like some kind of burden has fallen away.  When I figure out what's going on, I'll post again.

I've had that feeling, a sudden lightening of mood, it's great, just enjoy it!

[Jemima]

Unfortunately, my lightened mood disappeared during the night and I had some neuroemotions today of the mildly depressed and anxious variety.  I've not experience that sort of window before, though, and I'm hoping that there will be more and longer ones in my future. It felt like being normal.

[alex]

Jemima,you are doing sooo much better; I know because I've read your posts from past months.It is absolutely another picture.

 

As I said, I am seeing improvements in my condition, but it makes very very sad to see that my sleep is absolutely destroyed...

 

I wake up every hr; it is incredible. I have learned to go back to sleep, but it is scary to think that this condition will be permanent.

 

I am happy for you J

[Barbarannamated]

Agree with Alex's comment.

 

I recall you mentioning a lifted feeling awhile back - it was January 15. Was this similar?

 

Wishing you many more lasting windows, Jemima.

 

B

[Jemima]

Jemima,you are doing sooo much better; I know because I've read your posts from past months.It is absolutely another picture.

 

As I said, I am seeing improvements in my condition, but it makes very very sad to see that my sleep is absolutely destroyed...

 

I wake up every hr; it is incredible. I have learned to go back to sleep, but it is scary to think that this condition will be permanent.

 

I am happy for you J

 

Thank you, Alex.  It's so important to get objective feedback on my progress, which is so difficult to judge from within my own head.

 

Your insomnia is NOT forever.  When I was first in withdrawal I was unable to sleep for 36 to 48 hours at a time.  Then I went into sleeping too much--10 to 12 hours a day--but I now think that was necessary for healing. I'm coming out of that, currently sleeping eight to eight and a half hours a night.

 

What really helped me was making the bedroom as dark as possible, wearing a sleep mask, and taking Melatonin.  The Melatonin pills didn't do a thing for me, but a liquid Melatonin that's taken under the tongue is quite effective.  One to two milligrams and I'm out in ten to fifteen minutes.

 

Hang in there, my friend.  It really does get better.

[Jemima]

Agree with Alex's comment.I recall you mentioning a lifted feeling awhile back - it was January 15. Was this similar?Wishing you many more lasting windows, Jemima.B

 

Thank you for the feedback and the good wishes, Barb.  I can't seem to find the post from January 15th,  but I'm not sure it matters. The window of mood lightening I just had was different from anything I can remember. It's gone now, but I can still feel a lingering mild lightening of the neuro emotions. The ups and downs don't seem to be nearly as extreme these days.

[Jemima]

I seem to have been going through a bad wave for the past week or two, but I'm beginning to suspect that Melatonin may be the cause.  I've been taking one to two milligrams every night and feeling groggy, anxious, and depressed upon awakening and sometimes throughout much of the day.  I also tend to stay in bed until noon or later.  I posted an article I found in our Melatonin topic that says these may be side effects of using it, so tonight I'm going to try to sleep without it and see what happens.  (I know .5 mg. is supposed to be enough, but it isn't for me.)

 

I'm also finding that my volunteer work at the soup kitchen is getting me down.  I love the clients, but because of physical handicaps I have (torn arm muscles and a bad back), the man who supervises volunteers in late afternoon seems to find me a nuisance to deal with because there are only a few things I can do, such as serving drinks or food.  Several times now he's had me do things that require standing up and bending over for long periods of time and I've had to leave early because of the pain.  He treats me as if he thinks I'm faking it, and he has this idea that volunteers have to be rotated through all possible functions so my being a waitress every week is unthinkable.  To top it off, the place has so many volunteers that I don't think they appreciate anyone in particular and I end up feeling unneeded and unwanted.  I am considering quitting, or at least taking a break even though I haven't got much else to do at this point.  It's affecting my self-esteem for the worse and I don't need that.

 

I spent last Thursday evening tearing stickers that mentioned God off of drawings some little kids did either in Sunday school or vacation Bible school because the soup kitchen, which started out as a project jointly supported by several local churches, has now broken away and gotten a grant that requires they not support any religions at all.  As a Christian, this put me in a really bad spot.  I was conflicted but went ahead and did it, but now I wish I hadn't.

 

I'm hoping that once I get through this bad period I'll have the motivation and energy to find other things to do.