Moonpie: need help and supporting tapering off of Ativan

[Ninabird]

Sending you a big hug for all of your support. 😇

[getofflex]

I'm so glad to hear you are doing well, @Moonpie!  You deserve a break.  Thank God you are over the worse of COVID.  The Lord is good, He heals us of this affliction in His time! 

[Moonpie]

@Shep @Altostrata

Sorry this so long.  

After 6 months of pain and issues I finally found a Nurse practitioner to help me.  

 

Well I went to the dr. and was diagnosed with vulvodynia and irritated bladder.  I love the NP.  She is from California and has been practicing 20 years.  She spent an hour and 45 minutes with me. I loved her!!!  There are 3 treatment options.  I am very leery of this first one wanted to know if it will affect me like taking it orally.

 

For the vulvodynia there is a compounded  gabapentin and amitriptyline and baclofen  cream applied in the outer vaginal area and used  for 6 weeks then as needed.  It is supposed to calm the inflamed nerves. I don’t want ANY of those drugs affecting my CNS.   Can you tell me how these might affect me?  At first I said no but I thought I would check with you all.  

 

The  other treatment is trigger shots in that area that calm  the nerves.  2 shots over 2 weeks. 

 

I feel sooo blessed to have found her, that is an answer to prayer.  Most women have to see 3 or more drs.  To get a diagnosis for this because so few know anything about it to recognize it or even treat it.  She  has experience in it and has treated it  many time before.   Also she is only 20 minutes away and easy to get into.    I believe with all my heart God will heal me.  I will be trusting Him.  So thankful for so many things.

 

They have not clue what causes vulvodynia. They know hormone changes can and most of all stress (have had that LOL) She said my pelvic floor is too tight and that is from the stress, it is an conscious thing we do when we tense up.  There is therapy they do in the office, but I do not know if medicare will pay or not.  They are checking into it.  If not she gave me a woman on  You tube that is the top pelvic floor specialist in the US and she can guide me through exercises.

 

So glad to finally have an answer as to why I have been in all these months. Thank you for your help. 

 

[Moonpie]

18 MONTHS OFF LEXAPRO

i know the pain I have been in and all the physical issues I have faced have affected my WD.

I still see improvement.  Anxiety is still there but milder.  The fatigue, sleep and other issues I think would have been far less had I not been in pain.  I did have an all night anxiety/ panic with some symptoms I hadn't had in a while - dizzy fullness in chest, queasy.  And as crazy as it sounds, it was hard but it was milder than the one I had in March.

I plan to start tapering Buspar in October.  

Still have my diagnosis to deal with, Dr. visits and a visit to the dentist to have the implant tooth put in.  It is minor.  But it all plays in.  I have been putting it off because of all this.  

 

[Altostrata]

10 hours ago, Moonpie said:

I don’t want ANY of those drugs affecting my CNS.   Can you tell me how these might affect me? 

 

Some amount of a drug applied to your skin will get into your bloodstream. You need to discuss the amount of drug there is in the cream (it may be small) and what its effects might be with your prescriber. We know nothing about it here.

 

10 hours ago, Moonpie said:

The  other treatment is trigger shots in that area that calm  the nerves.  2 shots over 2 weeks. 

 

You need to ask your prescriber what's in these shots and how they might affect you.

 

Good to hear you're recovering from Lexapro withdrawal. Are you planning to start vulvodynia treatment and taper Buspar simultaneously? We recommend making only one drug change at a time.

[Moonpie]

@Altostrata Thank you for your reply. The cream she said is 2%.  With this condition there isn't a lot known about or the causes or treatments but it's very common among  Women of all ages but very difficult to find someone to diagnose it.   Like I posted one of the things they find is stress.

 

I've looked online and I can't find a lot. I kind of hate to ask my pharmacist because he has the common  of view of Anti-depressants  benzos and tapering and affects.

 

I am not sure what will be in the shots they use different things, one is botox, procaine, but there are others I think.  sometimes. I will find out and come back and post.  If you know of any other places I might research this I would appreciate it I've come to a dead end  online. 

 

All say that  what is put down there stays down there and isn't carried into the body but I don't agree. Also the  would there be any withdrawal when the 6 weeks are over.  Another area pharma and medical do not believe exist. 

 

As always thank you for your time and your and  help. I truly appreciate it.

[Moonpie]

@Altostrata I checked with the doctor and the injection is point .5 % lidocaine and .5 % ropivacaine

[getofflex]

On 9/1/2022 at 8:43 AM, Moonpie said:

I still see improvement.  Anxiety is still there but milder.  The fatigue, sleep and other issues I think would have been far less had I not been in pain.

I'm really glad to know that there is improvement.  Yes, the stress of pain can make the withdrawal issues worse.  I'm sorry you are doing through all of this.  I continue to pray for you daily.  Hang in there, keep us posted.  I wonder if doing relaxation exercises would help you with the pelvic floor tightness.  

[Altostrata]

7 hours ago, Moonpie said:

The cream she said is 2%. 

 

You need to find out from the pharmacist how many milligrams of each drug is in a dose of the cream. It's probably very small and not that much of a concern for withdrawal. But if you're sensitized to psychiatric psychotropics, you may feel the effect, which might be slight.

[Moonpie]

19 AND 20 MONTHS OFF OF LEXAPRO

 

While as just with life the last 2 months have been a mixed bag.  As we know life does not stop for us to taper and withdraw.  

I have had ups and downs physically and emotionally but the bulk of this seems to come from outside events and circumstances.

 

My report is positive.  The waves are shorter and not as intense, even the most intense ones.  I am seeing more windows and they are lasting longer. 

 

I KNOW I am healing.  This journey as it continues and taught me so much about myself, coping skills and accepting all that comes with this. I am learning to control my thoughts and replace them with the right ones.  I have learned to base what is going on not just on my feelings but the facts and putting my Faith in God.  I am still a work in progress and slip back into the old ways but find myself recognizing it and correcting it. 

 

Even with the challenges I have with things  happening, I find myself dealing with them better and more quickly. This has been life changing in a positive way.

 

My sleep has been horrid, brain fog and some scary moments with memory issues.  But as a friend pointed out I could have a bit of Covid brain thrown in with WD. Fatigue is a constant companion but I try not to focus on it.  

 

My implant is in and even a small cavity filled with no issues. Had no fear or side effects in the appointment.  I purpose now not to allow my thoughts and feelings cause me to spiral down the rabbit hole of panic and fear.  It seems every few months I will have an all night panic fest.  But even these are much milder.  I realized that when I have anxiety or panic or fear,  I know it is there, and yes it  can be miserable, but I feel it and don't put thoughts to the discomfort.  It is like a headache or sore toe. I feel it, it is there but that is it.  This way I don't spiral.

 

I have accepted that no matter how many months I have been off Lexapro my body is still needing time to heal.  When its done it is done.  It doesn't matter when but that I will be healed.  

 

The vulvodynia is improving but going through these years of WD have given me some valued skills to deal with it and the pain.  To deal with all areas of my life.  I am also in pelvic therapy to help correct this.  It's origins are from stress, anxiety and for me many years of tense muscles.  If anyone is having issues like I had I would be glad to share what I have learned.  It is something that many women are not diagnosed with and mistaken for other problems.

 

Do I ever have fear, anxiety, depression still?  Yes but I am not staying there. Please don't think I have it all conquered but I am definitely not the victim I was.   In January I plan to start tapering Buspar.  I wanted to start sooner but feel it is best to continue to give my CNS more time to heal.  I am looking positively that my last taper will be uneventful and easier.  With what I have learned I know it will be better.

 

I would say I  am 80 to 85% healed.   I know I am getting there. 

 

I highly recommend the book by Dr. Caroline Leaf,  Who Switched Off My Brain. It has been a life changing resource in understanding how my brain works, how my thoughts and feelings affect by body.  It made so much make sense in all this and what I can do to help myself.  I now plan to reading book, Switch On Your Brain and doing the workbook.  It is a 21 day Brain Detox Plan.  I know it will put even more tools in my belt to help me manage and heal. 

 

Thank you to everyone at SA for your support and help. 

 

A special thank you @Altostrata for the the sacrifices and caring she has made to help others by starting this group.  I cannot imagine how my life would be without her looking past her suffering to help others.  Thank you Altostrata from he depths of my heart.  You have poured so much into my life personally with taking the time to guide me. 

 

Thank you also @Shep for you have stayed with the group after your healing and continue to help others.  You have reached out so many times to help me and guide me through. 

 

You both have been an incredible blessing and help to me.  I wish there were bigger words than just "thank you".  They cannot begin to express what I feel.  You both have given the greatest gift, the gift of yourselves.  This holds true of all the moderators and mentors. 

 

Heading into month 21!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Shep]

6 hours ago, Moonpie said:

My report is positive.  The waves are shorter and not as intense, even the most intense ones.  I am seeing more windows and they are lasting longer. 

 

Excellent update, Moonpie. Very glad to read this. 

[getofflex]

This is such a wonderful update to read. Your attitude is incredibly strong and positive. This is a great example of how going through difficulties and suffering can really make us stronger and wiser and help us grow emotionally and spiritually. Keep up the good work.

[Altostrata]

Thank you for letting us know you're doing better, @Moonpie It's good to hear.

[Moonpie]

@Shep  I need some input please.  In 10 more days I will have been off Lexapro for 21 months.  I plan to start tapering Buspar, ( my last one! Yipee!) Jan. 1st. I plan to go very very slow as I did on my other tapers.  .001 every 4 days, holding for symptoms.  I have a morning and evening dose and will taper the morning first. 

 

My windows and waves are still like I posted are much the same, and sleep still stinks too LOL.  I have had some waves and stronger anxiety, related to some life events.  

 

I have been doing some research on the side effects of Buspar.   I match quite a few of the symptoms and many of them I know are WD but some are new. 

 

Chest pain, congestion, cough, (have been to the dr. no respiratory issues), trouble sleeping, blurred vision. A study showed that women over 60 taking Buspar for 1 to 6 months or more have cough as a symptoms. 

 

Interestingly there was also a study that showed women can have pelvic pain and also vaginal pain.  

 

I am not saying all these are side effects of it but I have wondered since there is no Lexapro in my system maybe side effects of Buspar showing up.  What do you think?

 

As always think you for your support, wisdom and guidance. 

 

HUGS! Moonpie 

[Shep]

On 12/9/2022 at 10:17 PM, Moonpie said:

I am not saying all these are side effects of it but I have wondered since there is no Lexapro in my system maybe side effects of Buspar showing up.  What do you think?

 

 

When did these symptoms start? Which ones are new? 

 

Is the coughing and congestion what's making your sleep poor? 

[Moonpie]

@Shep New ones are pelvic and vaginal pain in april. Also cough and congestion in the past 4 months.   It is not severe. It does not keep me from sleeping it is rather sporadic. But I always have some type of congestion though mild. Old ones that have worsened are blurred vision  on and off and sleep has gotten worse. These also in the last 6 months.  Like I said on the whole things are better than they were before and I see improvement milder symptoms more windows or partial windows.

 

 

[Moonpie]

@Shep  I realize I need to clarify  blurred vision.  It is more distorted vision it alternates between near sidedness and far sightedness.

[Shep]

2 hours ago, Moonpie said:

@Shep  I realize I need to clarify  blurred vision.  It is more distorted vision it alternates between near sidedness and far sightedness.

 

Do you go in for regular yearly eye exams? That can help rule out anything else, especially if this distortion is a new symptom. 

 

4 hours ago, Moonpie said:

New ones are pelvic and vaginal pain in april. Also cough and congestion in the past 4 months. 

 

You mentioned earlier that your doctor ruled out a respiratory infection, but is the pelvic and vaginal pain from the same issue you mentioned a few months ago here in this post? 

 

On 9/1/2022 at 9:37 AM, Moonpie said:

Well I went to the dr. and was diagnosed with vulvodynia and irritated bladder.

 

If so, it may be a medical condition outside of withdrawal that's making you feel worse. 

 

Are you able to follow up with your doctor? Just so you can rule out what is another medical condition and what is withdrawal. I know you're eager to get off Buspar, but you don't want to push your nervous system too much. 

[Moonpie]

On 12/11/2022 at 11:29 AM, Shep said:

Do you go in for regular yearly eye exams? That can help rule out anything else, especially if this distortion is a new symptom. 

 @Shep I am way over due an exam but will have to save up the money.  This type of distortion is a new symptom and seems to come with the anxiety/wave.   It come and goes.  I have not had it any the rest of this week.  In fact my vision has actually been clearer

 

On 12/11/2022 at 11:29 AM, Shep said:

You mentioned earlier that your doctor ruled out a respiratory infection, but is the pelvic and vaginal pain from the same issue you mentioned a few months ago here in this post? 

No respiratory infection for sure and it is just what I could call a sniffy nose and very occasional cough.  Yes the pain issue is the one mentioned a few months ago.   It seems to come in waves and windows also. The irritate bladder is gone.  These symptoms are just part of the vulvodynia and that is exasperated by anxiety and some exercises the pelvic therapist did with me.  Saw my doctor last week, my gyno and me general dr last month.  All checks out good.  

 

Like I said I am doing so much better other than the pain. I have a 4 -5 day wave each month.  Lost of partial windows and a few big windows.  Feb. will be 2 years off Lexapro.  I want to try to taper at my usual .001 every 4 days, holding for symptoms.  

 

Thank you as always for your help! Moonpie

[Moonpie]

@Shep I can't remember if I mentioned it before but this pain started one month after my 1 year off Lexapro and after a horrific 6 day wave. Worst I had had in a while. 

[Moonpie]

After being in a tough 4 day wave I had an all day window.  It wasn't just the window norm but very different.  I felt more normal than I have in a while and I actually enjoyed some things I did that day. That has been a long time!  The next day and now I am back in a wave but the window is my future no matter what my "now" is like.  So thankful.

 

I love what @KenA says, "Believe the window not the wave."

[Shep]

@Moonpie Brilliant update, Moonpie. Very glad to read about your window, especially one that's better than the norm. 

[Moonpie]

@Shep

I feel my progress has been good in my healing. This month has had more waves than usual (as opposed to one a month in the past few months)  but I am still having lots of windows and partial windows.  It has been up and down a lot.  I am attributing it to the holiday and for some reason this one without my husband and my family being together seems to be harder.  

 

I am at 22 months off Lexapro.  I want to do very slow taper of the Buspar as I have my other 2 drugs.  What are the guidelines or determining factors in starting another taper.  

Can you please direct me and give me your opinion.  As always thank you for all your help and support.  Moonpie

 

[Shep]

@Moonpie I would look at certain factors, especially sleep and appetite. Are you sleeping well enough that you could handle any upticks in insomnia? Are you eating healthy and drinking plenty of water? Are you able to focus on distractions? 

 

Here is a great post from Brassmonkey on where to be before tapering: 

 

Withdrawal Normal

 

Very glad to read you're getting windows in the mix. While it's been a difficult holiday for you, we're about to leave the holiday season and I bet better days are ahead for you, Moonpie. 

 

Do you struggle during the winter months in general? There's no shame in holding until spring, if you feel that might help. Get a solid baseline before you taper. Or maybe start your taper with a very conservative 2 or 3% reduction, just to test the waters. 

 

[Moonpie]

23 months off Lexapro  It has been up and down.  A really good window, and several partials.  Have had an intense few days of wave.  I have been doing some research and truly think  Big part of this is the Buspar.  It never worked to begin with as I am sure I have said before, and gave me problems even when I first started taking it.  After much consideration I started tapering.  On 1-29-23.   My usual .001 every 4 days unless there is symptoms and I will hold.  Just finished my first drop.  Will keep posted. 

[Shep]

@MoonpieThanks for the update. When you're online again, please update your signature to reflect the amount of buspar you're on in active ingredient milligrams (right now, it just says "Began Buspar taper 1-29-23, .001 mgpw"). This will help us if you have a question later about your taper. Also, when you say you're reducing .001 every 4 days, is that the pill weight or the active ingredient weight?  

[Moonpie]

@Shep   Thank you Shep.  I did change it.  Is it not showing up?

[Chlo]

On 2/1/2023 at 7:09 PM, Moonpie said:

23 months off Lexapro  It has been up and down.  A really good window, and several partials.  Have had an intense few days of wave.  I have been doing some research and truly think  Big part of this is the Buspar.  It never worked to begin with as I am sure I have said before, and gave me problems even when I first started taking it.  After much consideration I started tapering.  On 1-29-23.   My usual .001 every 4 days unless there is symptoms and I will hold.  Just finished my first drop.  Will keep posted. 

Good on you, sweetheart! 

I am here for you ❤️ supporting and rooting you on 🤗

[Shep]

On 2/2/2023 at 9:40 AM, Moonpie said:

@Shep   Thank you Shep.  I did change it.  Is it not showing up?

 

It's showing up as "2-21 2021 5 mg. Buspar  divided into two, 2.5 mg doses AM and PM- Start date 9/26/2016 Cold turkey on Dr. direction, PM does.  Reinstated PM dose 9-22. Began Buspar taper 1-29-23, .001 mgpw ." 

 

Just curious what dose you're at now (in milligrams) and how much .001 mgpw is in milligrams for the active ingredient, if you have that information available, please let us know. 

[Moonpie]

@Shepoops I am going by the weight of the pill.  Started with the a.m. dose made my second drop today. I thought that just meant pill weight not actual mg.  How should I post it since I am going by the weight of the pill.  Thanks for helping me. 

[Shep]

@Moonpie No worries. The pill weight and the active ingredient strength can get confusing. Have you seen this post by @brassmonkey ? He sorts it out beautifully:

 

MGAI and MGPW

 

What dosage pills are you using? Or are you weighing a batch at a time? 

[Moonpie]

@ShepThank you!

[Moonpie]

2 YEARS OFF LEXAPRO   It is hard to believe I have reached the 2 year mark.

 

I started tapering off my last drug Jan. 28.  So far I am seeing improvements, symptoms have  come down in intensity and even more windows.   I have a new one - (those seem to pop up don't they) -  some itching all over  and a rash on my neck.  Even my eyes itch!  The itching lessens or goes away at times during the day so I feel it is just more WD or a side effect of being on the Buspar going on 7 years. It started before I started my taper. 

 

I am doing okay.  Just using my tool box and the skills I have acquired these past years, thanks to all the support and guidance I have been given here.  

 

My posts will now be my taper and not counting the years off Lexapro.  

I am excited this is my last drug and look forward to someday writing my success story.  

 

 

[Shep]

Excellent update, @Moonpie. Congratulations on that two year mark for Lexapro and only have one more taper to go. We're all looking forward to you writing your success story, too. 

[Moonpie]

@Shep thank you!  Couldn't have made without you!

[Hanna72]

On 2/21/2023 at 2:47 AM, Moonpie said:

2 YEARS OFF LEXAPRO   It is hard to believe I have reached the 2 year mark.

 

Yay @Moonpie

Well done you!!

If you had the strength to make it this far….you have the strength to climb any mountain life throw’s at you.

All my best to you.