Moonpie: need help and supporting tapering off of Ativan

[Ninabird]

@Moonpie

Im so excited for you! Squeeze every ounce of joy out of this beautiful window. May you have many more!!!!! 🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

Ninabird

[Moonpie]

@Ninabird thank you!  I was just thinking how very thankful I am, and after this hard hard wave that any window is amazing and I will be so grateful for it and appreciate it.  I am refusing to worry about the next wave how hard it might be, or even the symptoms of these other problems I'm having. Like you said I'm just going to enjoy the moment

[Pollyjay]

Gosh, Moonpie, I just read the last couple of pages of your journey. You've really been through the wringer!   I don't know how you made it through all that socializing on top of all the physical problems you've been having! That must have taken an incredible amount of strength and determination.

 

So much of what you've been experiencing, fear and anxiety wise, is so familiar. Please don't feel that you are dragging us down. It's important to have a place that we can write it all out and know that others are there to offer support. I'm so glad that you are getting some much needed relief! I pray that it continues for you. We are all cheering you on!

 

Hugs and continued prayers,

 

Pollyjay

[Shep]

11 hours ago, Moonpie said:

Why why why can't I learn no matter how rough the wave is it will end and there will be a window of relief. Not perfect but so much better than the previous days. 

 

Glad you're doing better, Moonpie. And such a great reminder. As @getofflexwisely noted, that's one to print out for sure.

[Ninabird]

@Moonpie

You’ve been on my mind. How are you? 
 

NB

[Moonpie]

Doing ok. Have a uti.  Went on amoxicillin just finished day 4.   Still have symptoms but not a severe. Really don't know what to expect it's been so long since I've had 1. The doctor didn't put me on the macro  one because of my issues with medication.                               Windows have been longer. And they feel different. Not sure how to explain it. I just feel freer? This discomfort spikes the anxiety though. Thank you so much for checking! How are you doing

[Ninabird]

@Moonpie

sorry to hear about the uti. Ouchie. 
 

Im so happy to hear that you are experiencing a beautiful window!! Squeeze every ounce of joy out of it. 🌺❤️🌺❤️
 

Im going through the mud right now. I’ll get through it. Thank you for asking. 
 

 

[getofflex]

I'm sorry about the UTI, but I'm glad to hear that you are doing OK otherwise!  I'm thankful you are out of that nasty wave.

 

19 hours ago, Moonpie said:

Windows have been longer. And they feel different. Not sure how to explain it. I just feel freer?

 

 I definitely hear significant improvement! I've been praying for you and rooting for you!

[Ninabird]

@Moonpie

Good morning! Just wanted to check in on you. Are you still enjoying your window? I sure hope so. 🌺🙏🏻❤️
Sending you prayers for a LONG and glorious window may it last and last. 
 

NB🥰🌺🥰🙏🏻🌺❤️

[Moonpie]

My daughter paid for me a session with Baylissa and she is incredible.  Very understanding,  kind, and puts things in a way that really click!  

I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity. 

 

SA has helped me these years to taper and learn to deal with the symptoms - acceptance, etc. ( and will continue to).  Everyone has helped me so much on this journey.    I mainly need support and reassurance.  There were somethings in my thought pattern I was facing that she helped me see out of my box.  LOL.  

 

I don't' know if this is okay to say or not. let me know, but she is worth it to visit with! 

 

15 months off Lexapro:   Windows on and off thorough out the day, some great some small.  But they are windows!  Some  days there are none.  Cortisol spikes vary in intensity from morning to morning.  

 

See that my windows are different.  More uplifting.  Beginning seeing enjoying life again.  Definitely a change. 

 

@Ninabird  Thank you!  How sweet!  So happy to have any windows no matter how long they are!

[Ninabird]

8 minutes ago, Moonpie said:

So happy to have any windows no matter how long they are!

Someone told me that a window isn't a portion of a day but a full day or longer. Can anyone help clarify what a window is? I personally welcome any time in the day where I have a break from misery.

[brassmonkey]

In my experience a window can be as short as fifteen minutes. They are such an amazing break from the symptoms at the time. When I had my first one it lasted about twenty minutes, but I didn't realize it had happened until several hours later. I just enjoyed it while it lasted.

[Moonpie]

@brassmonkey Yes I have had one last even just a few minutes.  They are like a breath of fresh air to be free for those moments!

[Pepms]

Hi! How have you been off lexapro ? How much time did you take it ? I took it for 8 years and have been suffering from paresthesia and burning sensations that started 2 Months after last dose, did you get anything like that !! Thanks !!

[Moonpie]

Hi @Pepms  I am sorry to hear you are suffering so much.  I am happy your are here at SA to get the support and guidance you need.  

I tapered one other drug before Lexapro so I was on it a total of 4 years and 20 days.  (yes I count the days LOL).  My taper lasted 2 years and 20 days. I have now been off 15 months.  The 20th of this month will be 16 months.  

 

My symptoms surfaced and got very bad at the 3 month mark.  Throughout my taper and even after I was off, I experienced numbness and tingling in my legs, feet and hands.  It is very scary!  It has been a while since I had these symptoms.  I found that as time went on the got less and less and some just disappeared to return later for short time.  I think my body may be working on one I haven't had before right now! They subsided the longer I was off. 

 

 Hang in there!  You will make it and you will heal.  It is hard to see when there are suffering with the WD symptoms.  

[Pepms]

8 minutes ago, Moonpie said:

Hi @Pepms  I am sorry to hear you are suffering so much.  I am happy your are here at SA to get the support and guidance you need.  

I tapered one other drug before Lexapro so I was on it a total of 4 years and 20 days.  (yes I count the days LOL).  My taper lasted 2 years and 20 days. I have now been off 15 months.  The 20th of this month will be 16 months.  

 

My symptoms surfaced and got very bad at the 3 month mark.  Throughout my taper and even after I was off, I experienced numbness and tingling in my legs, feet and hands.  It is very scary!  It has been a while since I had these symptoms.  I found that as time went on the got less and less and some just disappeared to return later for short time.  I think my body may be working on one I haven't had before right now! They subsided the longer I was off. 

 

 Hang in there!  You will make it and you will heal.  It is hard to see when there are suffering with the WD symptoms.  

Thanks for your reply, it sure is reassuring, how long did your symptoms or the acute phase lasted for ?

[Moonpie]

Found out I have a UTI a little over a week ago. First one since I was 19 years old!  Probably had it a couple of weeks before that but just thought it was the menopause issue.

 

Did 10 days of amoxicillin 500 mg 2 x a day.  Bladder discomfort left for a few hours at a time but was never gone. Took wild oregano oil and saw improvement for a few days. 

 

Tried AZO today, it is supposed to work in 20 minutes or an hour. 3 hours later I got slight relief. I am going to take a second dose when the time comes. Was nervous about even trying it. 

 

Had urine culture done Tuesday.  Results should be back by tomorrow or Friday and see what antibiotics it recommends.  Nervous about possibly taking a new one since I am sensitive to them.

 

The PA am going to is amazing. She believes in  Discontinuation  syndrome and extended withdrawal. She is very supportive. She does not like does not like to prescribe the  Levaquin or that  antibiotic family.  She said she will find one with the least side effects for me.

 

I must admit I'm wearing down after 4 months of discomfort and pain  between these 2 issues. Plus my WD mind goes crazy at times on what is this is something terrible, is it curable yada yada. I do not know if it is triggering the anxiety or vice versa. I have anxiety, queasy stomach, weakness weird tight feeling in chest, extreme fatigue. So at times I think is this WD or is this from something I am taking for this? 

 

 Even in the midst of this, my waves are not as severe, and my windows my thinking is thinking is better than it has been in a long time. 

 

 I am having early morning (3 to 5 am) cortisol spikes with fear anxiety anxiety and intrusive thoughts again.  So confused about all this.

 

 

[Moonpie]

Just a little something to make you laugh! 

[Shep]

15 hours ago, Moonpie said:

The PA am going to is amazing. She believes in  Discontinuation  syndrome and extended withdrawal. She is very supportive. She does not like does not like to prescribe the  Levaquin or that  antibiotic family.  She said she will find one with the least side effects for me.

 

This is amazing, Moonpie. You've found a unicorn in the medical community. 

 

Hope the UTI clears up quickly and the waves settle down. Very glad to read that overall, the waves aren't as severe. 

[Moonpie]

@Shep Thank you.  Other than the pain of the UTI and being in a wave, my biggest challenge as Getofflex called it "WD monkey brain" and mine is health anxiety right now. Which makes the total anxiety worse. 

[Ariel]

Hi @Moonpie

Thinking of you <3

I'm sorry about the UTI and the wave. What a bad combo!

Hope you feel better soon. 

 

[Moonpie]

16 months off Lexapro June 20th

Well this has been a mixed bag with all the extra stuff going on.  I have seen improvements.  Windows have been more frequent and seem to be a a new level.  Anxiety has not been as intense and more manageable until now....

 

March genitourinary  atrophy  started estradiol treatment

April yeast infection dr. said not to worry it would go away

May still periodic small signs of yeast infection.  Pelvic discomfort changed some but still here

June UTI Amoxicillin didn't work - Macrobid did not problems with either that I can tell.

 

Went to ER with pelvic pain.  Had anxiety attack in lobby and it shot by BP way up.  Have never seen it that high.  After 3 1/2 days on Macrobid UTI gone (finished all 7 days) cat scan not stones in kidney bladder or urethra, no tumors or growths

 

Yeast infection for sure after antibiotic.  5 days of boric acid suppositories  ( have used for many years in the past.)  couldn't handle the pain.  Went back to Dr.  No UTI - vaginal smear yeast infection still there.  Symptoms very mild to none for 3 days. Started Monistat,3rd day pelvic discomfort started back  tonight will be the 5th day.  Pelvic pain, burning irritation all stated as side effects and said it may not go away until 3 to 7 days after treatment.   VERY uncomfortable. 

 

STrong anxiety.  Don't know if WD is making this condition worse or vice versa.  Sat and cried today. I think I am in a wave but it is hard to tell what is what, so confused.  So miserable physically and emotionally

 

This is month 4 since all this started. I have had very little relief.  Every time I think there is an answer and we do something, it isn't.  I have even had times where it comes and goes.  

 

Don't know whether to quit the Monistat or tough it out.  Laid in bed quite a bit the last 3 days, exhausted, queasy, no appetite, bloating constipation, discomfort not stopping. Didn't help that I had 2 days of not enough water.  Of course it is the weekend and no dr. available.    Not sure what treatment if the yeast infection is still here.  A culture takes 3 to 4 days to get back 

 

Supposed to go back to dentist to have my tooth put in my implant but putting it off a second time until all this is resolved.  Seems like any pain is more intense with this WD.  

 

Plus last night by Bill, my dog kept me up, he acted like he was hurting.  He wouldn't hardly eat last night and him being off his food is serious.  He lets me know feeding times an barks and jumps then gobbles it up.  Way less than 10 times this has happened in the 11 years I I have had him.

 

He finally ate some softened food last night.  I thought it might be his stomach but his morning  because he was eating dried grass.  Gave him some Peto.  He refused food.  He tried to eat the hard and it took a while for him to chew one piece of hard.  He finally ate softened and wanted more, I fixed it and he refused it.  I he tried to chew his nylabone but quit after a short time. That is his favorite past time. I think he has something wrong with a tooth.  Didn't see any loose or broken ones.  He hasn't pooped but once today, not him either.  Again a holiday so can't get into the vet tomorrow.  This is causing more anxiety.  My mind is racing for the "what if's" and "could it be" for both of us.  

 

Thanks for listening,  wish I could be there more for others,  just hanging on.  It was hard to even sit and type this. 

 

 

[Frogie]

@Moonpie

 

It sounds like you have had a few rough months with the yeast infections and UTI's. Then antibiotics. All of that can certainly send you into a wave and that is probably what you are going through right now.

 

So you think the yeast infection is gone? If you don't have symptoms, I would stop the Monistat and see if that helps any with the uncomfortable feeling that you are having. I would try some cranberry tablets or juice. Lots of water to flush out your kidneys and bladder.

 

You had a CT scan, it showed nothing, no tumors, growths or anything so you know you are ok. Health anxiety is the pits, and that could be some of it too. I have it and I used to run to the dr if I sneezed. I just had to learn to stop and think about do I have a fever, am I bleeding, etc... and it calmed down quite a bit.

 

I wonder if Bill did hurt a tooth. If he will eat soft food, it sounds like something going on with his mouth. Maybe he bit his tongue even. You know dogs.

 

I think you just need to take it easy. Take some tylenol, a hot shower, eat some protein and watch a good movie. Use a heating pad, that might help.

 

You're going to be ok. You've had every test in the book done and it showed nothing. Just take a deep breath and hug Bill.

[Moonpie]

Thank you @Frogie. I wouldn't be so anxious if there wasn't this pressure in pain and no relief.   You are always such an encouragement. Love you

[getofflex]

3 hours ago, Moonpie said:

I have seen improvements.  Windows have been more frequent and seem to be a a new level.  Anxiety has not been as intense and more manageable until now....

Wonderful!  

 

I'm really sorry to hear about all the health issues going on, and the trouble with Bill not eating.  I understand how scary it is when a beloved pet won't eat.  I've been through that with a cat.  Frogie has given you some good tips for dealing with these issues. I'm still praying for you.  Like she said, you will be OK, since all the tests came out negative.  I have had lots of UTI's in my life, but fortunately not in the past couple of years.  I do things to try and prevent this, like wearing all cotton underpants, drinking lots of fluids, cleaning myself with moist bathroom wipes after I use the restroom, and bathing thoroughly every day. 

Edited July 5, 2022 by getofflex

[Fantini]

45 minutes ago, Moonpie said:

Thank you @Frogie. I wouldn't be so anxious if there wasn't this pressure in pain and no relief.   You are always such an encouragement. Love you

Hi @moopie How are you?

I also had an infection recently and was hospitalized. What has helped me is a technique called jin Shin. You know? I hope you get better soon.

All The best,

Fantini

[Moonpie]

HI @Fantinithank you for your kind words. I am sorry to hear you were hospitalized.  I hope you are well now l.  I have not heard of that.  I am stopping the Monistat.  I should not be in this much pain with an OTC treatment. Take care!

[Moonpie]

@getofflex Those are good habits.  I also practice those too.  Do struggle with the water though.  This was the first UTI I  You have had since I was 19. 50 years ago and I haven't had yeast infections I can't even remember when. But I haven't taken antibiotics either for 9 years.  It all began with the menopausal atrophy.   Praying it is all ending soon. There is 1 more test but it will be only if I absolutely have to.  In my research  I have found that many of these female problems can be a part of WD.  Crazy stuff.  Happy you are continuing to do so well.   HUGS!

[Ariel]

@Moonpie

I'm sorry about your health struggles and that you're worried about Bill. 

Sending healing vibes to you both <3

 

Just a note about UTIs, yeast infections, as well as antibiotics. Maybe you know this already, but just in case, it can be really helpful to eliminate sugar from one's diet. I don't know whether you usually eat sugar but personally in WD I've had to cut out sugar completely, incl. fruit. No fructose or sucrose for me. It has helped a lot. Ingesting sugar can not only mess with our brain and nervous system activity but it can also exacerbate gut dysbiosis by feeding the undesired bacteria. In the case of yeast infections, UTIs, antibiotics use, and WD we want to help the good bacteria. 

So for example if you drink cranberry juice make sure it's 100% unsweetened, and maybe consider cranberry extract pills instead (as long as they have zero sugar). 

 

Thinking of you, get well soon <3

 

[Moonpie]

@Ariel Thank you for sharing.  I have some honey in my tea in the morning.   and I eat a serving of fruit a day. I have not eaten sugar my since into WD and med adventure and rarely before.  Messed with me then, so not even occasional cheats now.   I don't eat white flour products or processed foods, they mess with me even before this too. My uti and yeast infections  was because of the menopausal issue and antibotics.  But I am keeping a close tab on things. I appreciate your encouragement and support. Bill goes at 2:30 today, will post his results.  Thank your for caring. 

. 

[Ariel]

@Moonpie

Thank you so much for sharing this sweet photo! Bill is such a love. 

I will be thinking of you both <3

 

[Greatful]

@Moonpie

I am sorry you are going through more issues, my goodness girl, you've been through enough, teeth problems and now this.🤗

I am wondering if your cute little Bill could be reacting to your stress and pain.  The can be affected by how you are doing.  

Does Bills breath smell like there might be an infection?  

You are such a remarkable strong woman moonpie.  You have weather so much and still are still standing.

I know you got this♥️🤗

[Moonpie]

@Ariel Thank you!  He is my sweetie pie.

@GreatfulThank you for your caring response and encouraging words.  I don's always feel or see myself as that kind of woman.  My vet said all I have been through since losing my husband has given poor Bill anxiety.  His breed his hyper attentive and sensitive to their owners.  Poor little guy he didn't sign up for a high maintenance parent like me!!

 

UPDATE ON BILL:  It was an infected canine tooth. The dr. said it was very painful. Pushing on it caused blood to come out. In a couple of days he said it would have been pus so we caught it early. He said he probably jammed something up there. Maybe he chewed down on a sharp edge of his part of his Nylabone. Bill is a chain chewer LOL. It is his past time. Pain meds and antibiotics for 10 days. He said it should respond to treatment and we wont' have to pull it. He has been such a cheery little guy even though he has been in a lot of pain. Thanking the Lord!

 

Edited July 6, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed background colour

[Moonpie]

@ChessieCatthank you! Didn't know how to do that.

[Ariel]

@Moonpie @Bill 

Get well soon <3

[getofflex]

Prayers for your sweet Bill!