☼ getofflex: weaning of Lexapro

[getofflex]

Hi onmyway, thanks for checking up on me.  I'm in a wave at the time, having akathisia, insomnia, and other symptoms.  So much stress this past summer, and other stress factors in the recent past.  I've also been overly physical active in the past several days.  

[Erell]

Dear getofflex, 
Although I'm sad to read that you still have many challenges to face, I was glad to read that you felt you were learning to discover and accept your emotions.
I know what you mean when you say that discovering how you feel can be frightening! The fight or flight reflex is very real when faced with what we perceive as danger signals. It's quite an adventure to learn that all those danger signals may not be necessary and that that familiar state of fear may no longer be necessary.
It's not easy to believe, really, that we're safe.
It's also exciting to think that perhaps change is possible, that whatever our age, we can discover new ways of being in the world, new ways of living, with the outside world and with ourselves, and perhaps lead a life we never imagined.
I've discovered that, in my case, a fundamental aspect of understanding the notion of acceptance is to be curious, to approach things with genuine curiosity.
I wouldn't say that I have mastered this art, but I am happy to discover this path with people like you. ❤️ 

[getofflex]

Thankfully, I am out of the wave I was in.  I made the mistake of trying to diet to lose a few pounds, and then one weekend I was also doing too much physical activity for like 4 days in a row. I should have known better.  Right away, I stopped the diet and slowed down my physical activity.  

 

Now, I'm at WD normal, which for me is wonky sleep, and neuro emotions (and real emotions) of sadness and nostalgia.  I think I'm grieving some losses that I couldn't grieve because I was numbed out by the drugs.  I've heard that sleep is the last thing to normalize. I accept that I am in protracted WD.  I'm also grateful that I am able to do things, and not in acute WD.  

 

16 minutes ago, Erell said:

I was glad to read that you felt you were learning to discover and accept your emotions.

Yes, this is a huge part of recovery for me.  I was brought up in a family that taught me by example to repress and ignore emotions completely.  I believe this led to my depression and anxiety, which led to the drugs.  My life is much richer and more meaningful for having and expressing the emotions in a healthy way.  

 

17 minutes ago, Erell said:

It's also exciting to think that perhaps change is possible, that whatever our age, we can discover new ways of being in the world, new ways of living, with the outside world and with ourselves, and perhaps lead a life we never imagined.

Thank you for saying this!  It gives me hope and encouragement, @Erell.  I'm in my 60's, and it's easy to go down the road of worrying "When I finally recover from PAWS, will I be too old to enjoy life and do things?"  I need to let that thought go.  

 

18 minutes ago, Erell said:

It's not easy to believe, really, that we're safe.

Thanks for this reminder.  I need to remind myself that I'm safe, even if my fear is telling me otherwise.  

 

19 minutes ago, Erell said:

a fundamental aspect of understanding the notion of acceptance is to be curious, to approach things with genuine curiosity.

Curiosity and wonderment are great things, which make life joyful and meaningful.  

[Heath]

5 hours ago, Erell said:

I've discovered that, in my case, a fundamental aspect of understanding the notion of acceptance is to be curious, to approach things with genuine curiosity.
I wouldn't say that I have mastered this art, but I am happy to discover this path with people like you. ❤️

yes acceptance is a tough one for me. It has become easier over time , still a long way to go. Curiosity does make it somewhat easier. 

 

5 hours ago, getofflex said:

Curiosity and wonderment are great things, which make life joyful and meaningful.  

👍

 

getofflex I am glad you are out of the wave. Our nerves are very sensitive.

 

 Has the pollen and allergies and dry weather been bad over you way? It has here ! I think that has brought on a wave for me. Allergies. Just weather change in general can I believe. 
 

5 hours ago, getofflex said:

sadness and nostalgia.

Nostalgia ? Do you mean old memories come up in thoughts? If so I experience this also, It’s weird that a date or seeing something from a long time ago etc. a picture or a tool that belonged to grandfather or driving on a street close to where you were raised. The memories are good . A crying anxiety type feeling.
You would think good memories would be good feelings! 

[getofflex]

24 minutes ago, Heath said:

Has the pollen and allergies and dry weather been bad over you way? It has here ! I think that has brought on a wave for me. Allergies. Just weather change in general can I believe. 

I don't think the pollen and allergies are bothering me, but I do know that I'm sensitive to weather and seasonal changes.   I have always struggled with sadness during the shorter days.  (I used to call it SAD, but I've unpatiented myself, so I don't see it as a disorder, just a natural rhythm of life).  I'm learning to accept that sadness and grief are a normal part of life. 

 

27 minutes ago, Heath said:

Nostalgia ? Do you mean old memories come up in thoughts?

I mean memories of the past, coupled with an intense yearning to be back in those days, and a keen sadness that those good times are gone now.  I think this is due to our society changing after the lockdown of 2020 (people becoming less social and more isolated), the fact that my youngest is about to finish college, and will probably move far away for his job, and other factors.   

[mstimc]

5 hours ago, getofflex said:

Now, I'm at WD normal, which for me is wonky sleep, and neuro emotions (and real emotions) of sadness and nostalgia.  I think I'm grieving some losses that I couldn't grieve because I was numbed out by the drugs.  I've heard that sleep is the last thing to normalize. I accept that I am in protracted WD.  I'm also grateful that I am able to do things, and not in acute WD.  

I'm glad to hear you're in a window.  WD seems to go on forever, but it doesn't.  Looking back, I can see what I thought was constant misery during WD, but there were some good periods.  Our son was going into his teens as I was starting recovery, and I had to be there for him.  Sometimes it was an effort, but in the end, I enjoyed those times.  I learned to look for the joy of the moment and hang onto that when I hit the inevitable wave. 

 

My recovery was gradual.  Eventually I was able to realize I wasn't reacting as anxiously as I was to certain stimuli and seeing things less obsessively.  It takes time, but it will come. Take care!

[getofflex]

@mstimcthank you for following my thread, and for giving me encouragement and hope!  Yes, I agree, I've been in WD for over 6 years, and at times it seems to go on forever.  I'm very glad you enjoyed those times with your son in spite of WD.  I enjoyed my time with my 2 sons, in spite of the WD as well, although I didn't start going off the Lexapro until after the older one was graduated from college, and on his own.  Thanks again for your support! 

 

[Go2zero]

1 hour ago, getofflex said:

I mean memories of the past, coupled with an intense yearning to be back in those days, and a keen sadness that those good times are gone now.

 

I have noticed that especially during waves, I also have very strong feelings of nostalgia now and then. As if everything  was better in the old days. And it is often combined with feelings of guilt, because of I did the things I did in these days. Guilt that shouldn't be there, since I did the things then with the knowledge I had then.... And with the knowledge of then, I thought I did the right things...

 

I wonder if these feelings of nostalgia and guilt have to do with withdrawal. Thinking about that, I wonder if these feelings were already somewhat lurking in our mind, but maybe they are strongly amplified during waves. (neuro emotions).

 

The same seems to happen to me with feelings of anxiety. They can be there lightly in the background. And I can deal with them. But in a wave they are amplified and they can become overwhelming then.

 

 

[Heath]

Yes the memories sad anxiety feelings for me is something I have felt any time I every tapered fast or slow. The first time I tried to get off the first one many years ago it happened I think. It kinda feels like Sunday blues if that makes any sense. 

[Addax]

2 hours ago, Go2zero said:

I wonder if these feelings of nostalgia and guilt have to do with withdrawal.

 

2 hours ago, Heath said:

Yes the memories sad anxiety feelings for me is something I have felt any time I every tapered fast or slow.

I can’t help but think feels of guilt, and in general, the negative thought loops are part and parcel of withdrawal. I experience guilt now for things I didn’t feel guilty about when I did them. 
 

4 hours ago, getofflex said:

I mean memories of the past, coupled with an intense yearning to be back in those days,

 

Nostalgia is a big one for me too. I find that I miss periods of my past. Not even specific moments, but, same thing, as if things were better and there’s a longing to go back. I actually find myself searching for and listening to music from those periods.

 

Withdrawal from ADs is so peculiar. Yet we here on SA have so many shared experiences. So, how peculiar can they be?

[getofflex]

I might be in the 18 month wave a month early.  For the past week, I've had GI issues, poor sleep (only 2 hours last night), anxiety, brain fog, depression, exhaustion, and DP/DR.  It didn't help that I was hit with all the extra demands of the holiday (Thanksgiving in the US), my college son coming home.  I love to see him, but it is stressful too.  I'm hoping that it subsides soon, as I have my older son and his girlfriend visiting us in mid December.  I'm holding on to optimism, as I read on here that after these waves, our baseline is improved.  This too shall pass. 

Edited November 25, 2023 by getofflex

[peaceandlove]

2 hours ago, getofflex said:

I might be in the 18 month wave a month early.  For the past week, I've had GI issues, poor sleep (only 2 hours last night), anxiety, brain fog, depression, exhaustion, and DP/DR.  It didn't help that I was hit with all the extra demands of the holiday (Thanksgiving in the US), my college son coming home.  I love to see him, but it is stressful too.  I'm hoping that it subsides soon, as I have my older son and his girlfriend visiting us in mid December.  I'm holding on to optimism, as I read on here that after these waves, our baseline is improved.  This too shall pass. 

I am in a nasty wave too with all those symptoms as well. I just wanted to let you know your not alone. unfortunately I had to skip thanksgiving this year. I’m taking it easy so I can enjoy Christmas. May I ask is your akathisia only mental, only physical or both? 

 

The holidays can get stressful especially when your the one hosting & family members coming in. I hope you feel better  you got this!

[Onmyway]

So sorry to hear @getofflex. This is just a temporary thing, as the stresses disappear, things will even out, I am sure. Enjoy your kiddos!

OMW

[getofflex]

Thanks OMW and PAL for the support and reassurance.  I'm pretty sure I'm experiencing dysautonomia - alternating between hot and cold, polyuria, asthenia, GI issues, sleep issues, and increase in appetite.  I'll be taking it easy, and redoubling my efforts to eat healthy and do natural self care.  

Edited November 25, 2023 by getofflex

[Moonpie]

@getofflex @peaceandlove So sorry to hear you both are having a hard time.  It's strange but you both are naming my exact same symptoms this past week.  Praying both of you will feel better soon. We are all definitely in some type of pattern.  Going to have my thyroid checked next week as it was off 6 weeks ago and see if medication change helped.  Thyroid and WD mimic each other amazingly well.  Hugs to both of you!

[mstimc]

Getofflex, during recovery, I found any change to my daily routine really shook me up.  Even something as wonderful as a child coming home, (our son will be here December 19th) can trigger anxious symptoms.  Like most anxious thinking, I've also found the anticipation is almost always worse than the reality.  I'm betting once your son arrives, the wave will recede.  In the meantime, sending you positive thoughts!

[getofflex]

I'm very relieved!  I discovered what was causing my recent symptoms - an iron supplement!  I had no idea iron could mess up your GI system.  Every night, I would wake up at 1 AM with sharp abdominal pains, which really ruined my sleep.  My husband made me aware that it could be the iron tablet.  I stopped taking the iron, and now my stomach is fine, and I'm sleeping better, and feeling better.  Andrew my younger son has also returned to college, so my routine is back to normal as well.  I'm feeling grateful that it was something as simple as this, and very easily rectified.  

 

[Catina7]

26 minutes ago, getofflex said:

I'm very relieved!  I discovered what was causing my recent symptoms - an iron supplement!  I had no idea iron could mess up your GI system.  Every night, I would wake up at 1 AM with sharp abdominal pains, which really ruined my sleep.  My husband made me aware that it could be the iron tablet.  I stopped taking the iron, and now my stomach is fine, and I'm sleeping better, and feeling better.  Andrew my younger son has also returned to college, so my routine is back to normal as well.  I'm feeling grateful that it was something as simple as this, and very easily rectified.  

 

 

That's wonderful news!  You have a very smart hubby!  I'm so glad you're feeling better.  We need you on here!  🤗

[Onmyway]

That's great news @getofflex. Yes, iron can create GI problems and black poop! There are also different kinds of iron so you need to make sure you get the one that is most absorbable.

 

So glad you're feeling back to your old self!

 

Omw

[getofflex]

Overall, I've been doing well.  Most days I am functional.  My sleep is improving!  Yay!  This is big for me. 

 

My nervous system is still sensitive and fragile, however.  I am weak physically, and thought I would be able to do some exercises for strength now.  I joined a fitness club.  Last Tuesday, I did a 1/2 hour low impact stability class, 1/2 hour of light easy weight lifting, and a half hour walk outside.  Wednesday I took a walk outside.  Thursday, I went to the fitness center again, and did 1/2 hour of light weight lifting, and 1/2 hour of light treadmill.  After this, I had a strong uptick in symptoms.  There was other stuff going on too last week, like low pressure weather fronts, eating out for lunch Wednesday, and a very stressful day on Tuesday.  I definitely have exercise intolerance.  

 

My plan now is to still do light weight lifting, but not do any other type of exercise on that day.  On the days I don't weight lift, I will take my outside walks. 

 

Will my nervous system eventually become less sensitive, and more able to handle exercise?  

[Happy2Heal]

1 minute ago, getofflex said:

Will my nervous system eventually become less sensitive, and more able to handle exercise?  

my guess is that yes it will

 

that is wonderful that you are testing out the waters to find out how much you can do and not have a problem and then sensibly dialing it back if it's too much

 

I am finding that I go thru periods when I am less sensitive to things and can, for example, drink decaf coffee and have it not affect me at all

and other times when I have to be more careful

 

It would be nice if these times of hyper sensitivity matched up with something obvious like increased personal stress or problems but that doesn't appear to be the case, it seems pretty random

like the windows and waves pattern

 

I am so happy for you that your sleep is improving! that is HUGE and will make a big difference in how much more you heal

 

I am sleeping so well lately that I fear taking it for granted but at the same time, I am completely enjoying the ability to lay down and fall asleep quickly and wake up more often than not, feeling refreshed.

my mind is almost always clearer on those days

 

 

I think once we get to zero there is a lot of fine tuning going on in our brains, and that it will continue on the path towards full healing as long as it needs to

 

 

[getofflex]

2 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I am sleeping so well lately that I fear taking it for granted but at the same time, I am completely enjoying the ability to lay down and fall asleep quickly and wake up more often than not, feeling refreshed.

my mind is almost always clearer on those days

That's fantastic!  Good sleep is truly a blessing

 

2 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I think once we get to zero there is a lot of fine tuning going on in our brains, and that it will continue on the path towards full healing as long as it needs to

Thanks for the encouragement.  Patience is the key to this thing, isn't it.  

[Happy2Heal]

33 minutes ago, getofflex said:

 Patience is the key to this thing, isn't it.  

 

it sure is! that, and enjoying every good moment to the fullest!

 

you seem to be especially good at that ❤️

 

 

[Emonda]

8 hours ago, getofflex said:

I joined a fitness club.  Last Tuesday, I did a 1/2 hour low impact stability class, 1/2 hour of light easy weight lifting, and a half hour walk outside.  Wednesday I took a walk outside.  Thursday, I went to the fitness center again, and did 1/2 hour of light weight lifting, and 1/2 hour of light treadmill.  After this, I had a strong uptick in symptoms.

 

Hey there getofflex, that sounds like you did quite a bit! Were you doing much prior to this?

 

8 hours ago, getofflex said:

My plan now is to still do light weight lifting, but not do any other type of exercise on that day.  On the days I don't weight lift, I will take my outside walks. 

 

This sounds a little more gentle/manageable...be kind to yourself if you are just starting out with exercise after a break. Remember to have rest days from exercise.

 

8 hours ago, getofflex said:

Will my nervous system eventually become less sensitive, and more able to handle exercise?  

 

I do a lot of exercise. I've generally been told you should only increase your duration/distance by 10% per session, or you'll injure yourself. 

 

Start easy, be patient, and your body will adapt over time.

 

Thanks for everything you do here, getofflex 🤗

[KenA]

9 hours ago, getofflex said:

Will my nervous system eventually become less sensitive, and more able to handle exercise?  

It will Just keep giving it time! I found when I first was getting out of WD, I was still extremely sensitive to different stimulus. Over time, things got easier and easier You will get there!

[getofflex]

1 hour ago, Emonda said:

Hey there getofflex, that sounds like you did quite a bit! Were you doing much prior to this?

I have been taking a 45-60 minute walk everyday for years with no problems, usually a brisk one.  

 

 

Today I just did a light 30 minute weight training session, and nothing else.  

 

38 minutes ago, KenA said:

It will Just keep giving it time! I found when I first was getting out of WD, I was still extremely sensitive to different stimulus. Over time, things got easier and easie

Thanks so much for the reassurance!  

[Emonda]

Keep chipping away at the recovery; you're doing great.

 

Look how far you've come since your journey started.

[getofflex]

@Emondayou are right, I've come a long way from when I first came in here in March 2019.  I never thought I'd be still dealing with this in 2024, but here I am.  It is teaching me greater patience, endurance, and acceptance.  

[mstimc]

On 1/29/2024 at 5:39 AM, getofflex said:

Will my nervous system eventually become less sensitive, and more able to handle exercise?  

Hi Getofflex

 

Yes, you'll be able to get back to exercise.  It took me a while to start a new routine, but now we walk a total of about 90 minutes a day and I do light weights. It was a struggle during WD but I found exercise to be therapeutic after I got back into it--another form of distraction.

I think we find ourselves questioning if we'll ever do any "normal" things again. Maybe the best answer to that is "yes, but differently". I found some of my routines changed dramatically before and after WD and recovery.  I watch a lot less TV than I used to and spend more time on yard work, which is something I never especially enjoyed before, but now I find it restful--most of the time. I think we find appreciation in different things as we go down the road to recovery. 

 

[Emonda]

4 hours ago, getofflex said:

I first came in here in March 2019.  I never thought I'd be still dealing with this in 2024,

 

I read most of your thread last night. There were a few names there I'd heard of that had left/become less active when I joined S.A. ChessieCat being one. So much knowledge, care and compassion being past on. 

 

...July 8, 2022, awesome 🎉. It'll be 2027 for me at the rate I'm going, God willing! But it's not a race.

 

We will be reading your success story one day, and I look forward to that 🤗

[koala]

I have not followed your whole story, but was very grateful for your input into my incomplete journey, and am sorry to read that you still struggle with waves.

 

I too am learning that I have to limit what I do. In late 2019 I had a severe withdrawal without knowing that that was what it was. I reinstated on a standard dose and 3 weeks later was embarked on a 2 week high altitude trek. This time around I seem to be very susceptible to overdoing things and then going into a wave.

 

I wish you very well with your ongoing healing.

[getofflex]

15 hours ago, Emonda said:

So much knowledge, care and compassion being past on. 

I completely agree, and I will always be grateful for this. Thank you Emonda, for your care and compassion. 

 

15 hours ago, Emonda said:

It'll be 2027 for me at the rate I'm going, God willing! But it's not a race.

Excellent attitude.  Better to go slowly, than rush it, and then crash, by far.  

 

14 hours ago, koala said:

I too am learning that I have to limit what I do.

Yes, it can be so easy to overdo it when we feel so normal and good on a certain day, and able to do lots of things, but then it boomerangs on us the next day or two.  It's sneaky that way.  Thank you for your support.

[getofflex]

For the first time ever, I've suddenly developed dizziness/vertigo, accompanied by nausea on Thursday, but now it's just dizziness.  I haven't had this symptom at all throughout my tapering or WD.  Is it safe to assume this is not part of WD?  I am seeing my doctor for a regular yearly checkup tomorrow, and will mention it to him.  I really don't want to be put on drugs for this, unless absolutely necessary, and as long as the drug is safe, and won't affect my CNS.  I've been using meclazine for the past few days, and it's helping, and not causing any problems for me.  My husband suspects it's related to sinus and inner ear.  I've had chronic sinus issues (non allergic rhinitis) for many years, and the weather here was been really unstable, alternating warm and cold every few days - varying between the 20's F to the 60's and 70's Fahrenheit.  

Edited February 25 by getofflex

[arbor]

Dear @getofflex  I'm sorry you're experiencing dizziness/vertigo and nausea.  If it's useful, I'll share that I had these reactions during acute w/d, and then very briefly about a year ago.  Each time, they passed fairly quickly.  Have you had your iron levels checked?  My symptoms could have been related to iron deficiency caused by sertraline. or it could have been w/d in general, or it could have been related to Mgus in my case, or...(!)  I do recommend that people who have taken psychotropics get a blood test for Mgus.  If they don't have it, that's wonderful.  If they do, according to my doctor, monitoring is important.  Hopefully, this is helpful, and not alarmist.  I send you hugs.

Arbor💜

[getofflex]

Thank you very much much @arbor  I will definitely mention having my iron levels checked out when I see the doctor Monday. 

Edited February 25 by getofflex

[Happy2Heal]

2 hours ago, getofflex said:

For the first time ever, I've suddenly developed dizziness/vertigo, accompanied by nausea on Thursday, but now it's just dizziness.  I haven't had this symptom at all throughout my tapering or WD.  Is it safe to assume this is not part of WD?  I am seeing my doctor for a regular yearly checkup tomorrow, and will mention it to him.  I really don't want to be put on drugs for this, unless absolutely necessary, and as long as the drug is safe, and won't affect my CNS.  I've been using meclazine for the past few days, and it's helping, and not causing any problems for me.  My husband suspects it's related to sinus and inner ear.  I've had chronic sinus issues (non allergic rhinitis) for many years, and the weather here was been really unstable, alternating warm and cold every few days - varying between the 20's F to the 60's and 70's Fahrenheit.  

sorry to hear about your symptoms

 

I was seen for similar symptoms last August and they said I had : Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo.

Dr rxed meclizine which I refused to take. I didn't have nausea in Aug, but since then I've had episodes with nausea - as well as some without.

 

I just had one bad episode yesterday- I thought it was from utter exhaustion but I was just reading up more on BPPV and is can occur if you've had your head in one position for a long time (this is true for me, I can spend hours on the computer not even realizing that I'm not moving anything but my fingers or mouse hand)

 

BPPV is also much more common in people with anxiety (I have PTSD and am currently very anxious) I have a good friend who has PTSD and severe insomnia like I do too, and he saw for these same symptoms and was Dxed with BPPV too

 

Years ago I had an episode (I don't recall what the Dx was at the time, only the treatment recommended because it was a non drug treatment! ) Its called Home Epley Maneuver and it worked!!

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/treatment-tests-and-therapies/home-epley-maneuver#:~:text=The home Epley maneuver is safe and inexpensive.,support that you have BBPV.

I need to write down the specifics because the episode  I had yesterday when standing on a stool to get some thing off the wall was very scary- If my friend hadn't been beside me, I would have fallen but I was able to reach out and steady myself using his shoulder.

 

the weather here has also been wild and wooly, with sudden cold windy days and very warm ones, like you describe.

I've had nausea off and on that I was thinking might be from tree pollen being released (early trees release pollen in Feb here)

 

I'm glad to hear that the meclizine helps you. Maybe I'll try getting my Rx filled as I am not sleeping much at all and the lack, of sleep def seems to exacerbate the lightheadedness and dizzy spells and the feeling off being off balance.

 

Or maybe not, just read the side effects list- dizziness and drowsiness are on the list LOL also it's an antihistamine and I don't tend to do well with those. I'll try to remember to do the Eply manuever

 

 

I hope you get these sorted out and don't have any more issues

 

 

 

 

the differential diagnosis (or at least one of them) for these symptoms are stroke related so it is wise to get checked out

 

you might want to read this article..? I haven't, just don't have the time right now, but it may have useful info in it

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9023124/#:~:text=Common disorders such as benign,central causes such as stroke.&text=Management is non-evidence-based and suboptimal.&text=Identifying peripheral vestibular disorders should be a priority for several reasons.

other possible articles of interest include:

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9023124/#:~:text=Common disorders such as benign,central causes such as stroke.&text=Management is non-evidence-based and suboptimal.&text=Identifying peripheral vestibular disorders should be a priority for several reasons.

 

https://rarediseases.org/rare-diseases/benign-paroxysmal-positional-vertigo/

 

https://ent-md.com/news/the-three-types-of-benign-paroxysmal-positional-vertigo-bppv/

 

 

A lot of my friends in my age group have been diagnosed with this. I guess it's common as we age.

 

 

 

Edited February 25 by Happy2Heal