ShiningLight: brain injury with gabapentin WD want off others

[composter]

Hello everyone and thank you for your check-ins and concern for our friend @ShiningLight. 

 

Unfortunately I have very sad news to share with you. ShiningLight is no longer with us. As you know and as she shared on here, she was in a very difficult place for the past few years. She was experiencing so many effects of withdrawal, and was also dealing with many stressors related to work, finances, and her living situation. She also had at least one prior suicide attempt which she alluded to on here.

 

A little bit of background as to how I found out the news: I was in touch with her offline (I am rarely on this forum myself because I thankfully stabilized on a reinstatement and am on a slow, uneventful taper since 2019). We were also both in touch with @purple offline, and it is Purple who notified me in late April that she was worried about ShiningLight and had not heard from her in a few weeks, and was in a bad place. Together we used our resources and the internet and were able to get in touch with her father, who shared with us the tragic news. We shared with him our memories of ShiningLight and shed light on the painful and exhausting experiences of antidepressant withdrawal. He was kind and generous enough to share more details into the last few months of her life and how her family tried their best to support her.

 

ShiningLight's family would like to share this message with you all: 

 

We were devastated on April 8, 2023, to learn that our daughter and sister, ShiningLight took her life earlier that same morning. We knew that she had had a few previous attempts, but we thought the danger was at least reduced. One of us (her sister) had been in frequent phone contact with her, and had tried very hard to support her during her struggles. We thought that was helping, but it turned out it wasn't enough. We live in distant cities from ShiningLight, so we were not able to observe her in person. We believe she suffered a great deal from the medications she was taking and trying to taper down from, contributing to her taking her own life. We miss her very much.

 

We'd like to thank her friends on this forum for your thoughts, love and support that you gave ShiningLight. We also wish the best of health and luck to you, and we hope you all make full and rapid recoveries.

--

 

I know this is probably the worst outcome that we could imagine. My intention in sharing this news with you is to provide some closure to many of you who have been worried for her. She was a deeply caring person with a strong sense of justice. As we know, this process of withdrawal can feel so isolating and the symptoms so debilitating. She was in such a dark place and ultimately made a decision to end her suffering.

 

If you'd like to, please use this space to process your grief and share your tributes to ShiningLight. I know she would like us to live out many of the values that she held dear: Living in service to others, extending compassion and care to the most marginalized, and bearing witness and advocacy to this issue of antidepressant drug withdrawal. Please also remember that the vast majority of people that go through this will be able to recover (I am part of that group). Be gentle to yourself in your grief, and step away from this forum as much as you need in order to heal. My thoughts and encouragement are with you all.

 

Note: If you are feeling suicidal, help is available on the suicide crisis line (US) by calling 988. If you are outside of the US, look up your country here to find the suicide hotline available to you.

Edited August 28, 2023 by composter
Minor edits and added suicide crisis line

[Oaktree1]

Hi composter,

 

Thank you for sharing the news of Shininglight's death.  It is good to at least have 'closure' - that awful word - on what happened to her.  I feared the worst and it was the worst thing that could have happened.  Only positive note is that her suffering is now over and she is gone from this horrible world and the horrors she subjected to in the name of mental health care.  It could have been different - dislocation, lack of community, the brutality of trying to survive financially when one is on one's own - even with her sister making calls - it was too far away geographically.  I am very sorry for your loss as she seems to have been a close friend of yours and I am sorry for Purple's loss.  You both seemed to have been good friends to her in as much as that is possible on a discussion board.  

 

Oaktree1

[Oaktree1]

I should have added that I am sorry for her family's loss also.  I hope she is at peace now, poor soul.

[composter]

Thank you @Oaktree1 for your kind words of remembrance and understanding. I think you are right that there were many factors that contributed to her distress, and all these things, especially compounded, made things very difficult. Thank you; we will pass along your thoughts to her family. All the best to you in your journey.

 

Also going to tag @Carmie, @Rosetta, @RachelSusan, and anyone else who was following ShiningLight's journey to read the above when you are ready.

[littlebird]

Heartbreaking. So sorry for her and her family. 💔 If anyone reading this is struggling with SI, please know you're not alone (and please procrastinate on acting on it if you can).

[Blossom71]

This is such heartbreaking news. I don’t know what to say.  I’m ever the optimism and assume people are going to find a way through their struggles and I really thought she would. There was so much positivity, self awareness and humour at times that it didn’t occur to me that she wouldn’t make it. 
 

I am so sorry for her family and her friends and thanks @composter for finding out and letting us know. 
 

Please keep safe everyone x

[Carmie]

Thanks for letting us know @composter That’s just so extremely sad. It’s absolutely heartbreaking, poor ShiningLight was suffering so much.  She was always so kind. She popped over to say hi to me quite a bit, a caring person. I was wondering why she wasn’t replying on her thread anymore. My heart breaks for her family too. 
 

I’m really sorry for your loss too Composter🧡

 

[RachelSusan]

@composter When I first read your post I didn't know what to say. Now that I have though about it I wanted to comment first on ShiningLight's sense of humor and her witty posts. In spite of her suffering she was able to communicate her thoughts very clearly and always made me marvel at how she could turn a phrase to make her posts more interesting. She was a gifted writer. She was also a very kind person.

 

Secondly I wanted to comment on her suffering. I think all of us who have read her posts can understand how she got to the place she did. Sadly this understanding is in hindsight. I believe there were other factors involved as well as her withdrawal and it all contributed to her suffering. I think her situation can serve as a warning to us as to just how dangerous withdrawal can be as well as the need for good mental health support.  I don't want to lose anyone else from this group to this horrible situation we find ourselves in. We can't of course guarantee it but for me it is a reminder that I have to stay present here on this site in spite how I might be feeling, and continue to offer a kind word and helping hand where I can. None of us ever know when a small gentle comment might be the very thing that helps someone get to another day. We lost ShiningLight but how many others have we helped without knowing it? Probably many. All we can do at this point is continue on with our kindness.

 

Thank you composter and thank you @purple for getting us an answer as to what happened.  While it is not what we want to hear it is, at least for me, better to know.

 

Thanks also to all the Mods that continue to do the heavy lifting.  Your efforts help us and you are making a difference every day.

 

With much love,

Rachel

 

PS - as this is such a sensitive subject if any of the mods feel I have said anything that is inappropriate or might trigger someone else please feel free to edit my comments. Thank you.

 

 

[Catina7]

This is so sad to hear!  I didn't know @ShiningLight at all, so I went back and read her first post.  What she needed was not drugs but love and emotional support.  What a horrible shame.  It sounds like she went through a lot.  I'm so sorry.  

[Jools2816]

Sad beyond what words can convey! I am so incredibly sorry for all the suffering @ShiningLight has had and for the suffering of her loved ones. There is not enough support out there for people with MH problems and so much wrong is done through treatments that are not truly evidence based. Psychiatry needs a revolution. 

[purple]

Hi all, I don't have much to say than what has already been shared by all of you. I am grateful to everyone here and those with us in spirit. The process is more than challenging and losing such a beautiful soul is beyond tragic. In the offline interactions with @ShiningLight, I could really sense that shining light that was within her and that could see me and hold space for me with such love and kindness. I can only hope that I was able to return some of the same for her.

 

I wanted to add that I've used the suicide text line for help in the past which at the very least was a temporary distraction. I also just didn't want to call and talk to someone. For anyone else who also feels too anxious with phone calls at times (or all the time!), you can text HOME to 741741.

 

Wishing you all the best.

[composter]

Thank you @littlebird, @Blossom71, @Carmie, @RachelSusan, @Catina7, @Jools2816, and @purple. 

 

Thank you for sharing your condolences and remembrances. I echo what you have all said about ShiningLight's humor and wit and genuine care ❤️ Sending you all much love and light.

[direstraits]

So sorry to read of another casualty of these dreadful drugs.

I didn't post on her thread but was aware of the difficult time she was having.

My deepest condolences to her family and friends. ❤️

[Len189]

So sorry to hear that and for her friends and family. She really helped me a lot when I was at my worst. What a kind, considerate, funny person. She truly did not deserve what she went through. I wish I had kept in touch. Rest in peace, friend from far away.

[Mezzer]

Hi all, I didn’t know her but no one deserves the torture this process puts you through. I pray she’s at peace and we all heal quickly. From the posts I read she sounded selfless. 

[Rosetta]

I am so upset about ShiningLight.  Rest In Peace, my friend.  I’m not going to write to her as if she will ever read it.  This is absolutely devastating.  She asked for help, and she was simply killed.  She needed to talk about her suicidal feelings with a human being.  She needed a hug.  She needed love and for someone to tell her she mattered.  She needed a doctor in her real world who understood what had happened to her nervous system and to care!  Whether you are intelligent enough or educated enough or curious enough to understand that, you, her doctor, her primary care doctor, killed her.  You, her psychiatrist, killed her.  I wish I could find you both and make you understand what you have done.  I hope you figure it out eventually, and you are wracked with guilt for the rest of your days.

 

All this society told her was that she was expendable.  She was so unimportant that she was slated to be chemically warehoused.  “Give her a drug to quiet her brain so that she will stop asking for help to survive.”  When that drug instead made her less capable of surviving, you, her doctor, gave her 100 mg of Zoloft to finish her off.  It is as simple as that!  
 

Anti-depressants cause suicide.  How much more clear can that be?!  I hope all “medical professionals” will someday understand that this was manslaughter.  Nothing less!
 

This is simple, scientific fact — addiction medicine fact: a sensitive nervous system due to PAWS should not be injured by 100 grams of Zoloft.  Gross negligence.  Reckless homicide.  If our medical system was meant to heal people, these doctors would understand what they are doing, and how it is killing and injuring people, but that is not what the system is for.  It is a money machine — nothing else.  The professors at the medical schools are not doing their jobs because the administrators are not really doctors.  They decide what is taught, and what is taught is designed to suck as much money into the system as possible with NO regard for patient safety.  The doctors who understand what is happening are silenced, shunned and blackballed.  The issues are soft-peddled if they are discussed at all. The true dangers of these drugs are known.  They cause suicide!  We know this.  You know this!  Failing to take the time to understand exactly how they cause suicide does not absolve you of your responsibility or your guilt.

 

You might as well be a doctor in a prison who stands by while people starve and are worked to death while you provide medical care to the guards.  You are guilty!
 

The lack of a safety net for people to allow them to heal from these injuries is a national disgrace.  It’s disgusting!  That such a beautiful person was tortured into killing herself should be national news!  There should be repercussions, recriminations, and heads should roll right out of their jobs!  The tobacco fraudsters were operating on the level of schoolchildren compared to this!  Yet this continues, indefinitely, and another kind, compassionate, caring person has been destroyed.  How is this better than just killing her outright?  It’s not.  In fact, animals are put down more humanely.
 

To her doctor: you killed her.  You literally killed her.  Congrats.  I hope you never sleep well again.

 

Rosetta

[Oaktree1]

Hi Rosetta,

 

Your post is very heartfelt and powerful and a powerful epitaph on ShiningLight's death and on the thousands of others who have probably died in similar circumstances.  It is very sad.

 

Oaktree1.

[Rosetta]

@Oaktree1  Thank you.  That she is at peace is the only solace we have - that anyone has.  So unbelievably tragic and unnecessary.  Sometimes it feels as if we are on the verge of a change in the attitude toward this iatrogenically caused humanitarian disaster, but if we are, it was too late for ShiningLight.  Whatever challenges she had going on outside of PAWS were, in fact, caused by PAWS and the people with power in our medical systems just as much as they were caused by the utterly heartless people in charge of our safety net systems and our societal support systems — or what is left of them.