Ballardbeer: Zoloft / sertraline - 8 months of hypomania, irritability, manic episodes, then CT

[Altostrata]

Are you sick from coronavirus? Hang in there.

[Ballardbeer]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

Are you sick from coronavirus? Hang in there.

Yes. Scary stuff. I will, young and healthy enough to battle this. But holy moly is it as awful as it sounds. This community has helped me identify symptoms in the body and be with them. My self awareness isn’t quite what it use to be but I am doing okay.

[Ballardbeer]

45 days of COVID19 symptoms finally ended. Funny enough, I found a peer c19 support group to get me through the last month, just like I found this place! I will say, the delirium I experienced for about 10 days was comparable to some of my worst days during WD. But it was oddly familiar, and I learned to deal. In a way, what I'm saying is that I've grown past WD. I'm outside the windows and waves period. I started my taper over a year ago, and I'm coming up on my one-year anniversary of my last dose of sertraline. I'm a changed person for the better. I regret taking psych drugs, but it is what it is. I'm still mad about it, but in a calm, adult sort of way. I've learned to avoid rage and outbursts. I keep tweaking my supplement schedule, and I'm really happy about that. My diet has been a significant improvement, too. Good gut health results in good mental health. Time has been the great healer, but there's other tricks to it, too. I cherish this community and the shared knowledge.

[Ballardbeer]

Okay, question.... I’m feeling significant inflammation and maybe swelling in my gut/abdominen. I thought it was pancreatitis, then kidney issues, and now I’m wondering if it’s withdrawal symptoms. Like hyperawareness to a part of my body I have long neglected. It does not help I had GI issues for 2 months. My diet has been good but my drinking recently spiked with the world trending towards chaos.

 

any thoughts on this? I’ll reach out to my doc Monday, but any thoughts or advice for now? 

[Altostrata]

Sounds like you have a gut problem, maybe from coronavirus. You'll have to talk to a doctor.

 

If you continue to drink, we can't help you with your psychiatric drug-related issues, sorry. You're making your own problems.

[Ballardbeer]

55 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Sounds like you have a gut problem, maybe from coronavirus. You'll have to talk to a doctor.

 

If you continue to drink, we can't help you with your psychiatric drug-related issues, sorry. You're making your own problems.

thanks alto, I agree. It’s been a lot of sobriety (just not recently). and I know that’s what I need to trend towards permanently. Same with marijuana.

[Ballardbeer]

well, this has been a ride. checking in although withdrawal really has been the last thing on my mind the last 6 months.

 

my covid turned long haul. april covid turned into compromised immune system dealing with an e. coli infection (cleared in August via levaquin, a strong antibiotic), and now i'm dealing with pollen-food allergy syndrome (i.e., oral-allergy syndrome, or possibly mast-cell activation syndrome). none of this has to do with withdrawal, unless it does, you know? i'm 14 months removed from my last dose of sertraline. i was so sick and was destroying my body on that drug. i was hypomanic and so energetic, but it was not natural at all. i was not myself.

 

i quit my job recently. well, quit is a harsh word. i couldn't return. that was the last of my old life. thankfully i'm alive, but the life i knew last year is completely wiped clean. no fiance, no dog, no job. new apartment, new relationship, lost some friends, etc.. i read so many introductions and updates on this web-site and i saw the over-arching theme; often times, you lose it all coming off these drugs. you become a difficult person to others. you change. i kept telling myself stubbornly i would not let that happen to me. but the reality is i slowly let it happen, and i am so thankful. part of this process has been to cut out the toxicity surrounding me. to allow myself to heal and to get better and to stop trying to prove to everyone around me what was going on. i know exactly what happened! my doctors, friends, and family have no earthly clue. it's disappointing and sad, but so is the state of our mental health treatment systems.

 

so, 14 months out, what symptoms do i report? my CNS is still wacky (small twitches). sometimes i have racing thoughts... usually when i drink too much coffee so i watch that carefully. i still have to watch out for rage/extreme irritability, which can come on suddenly but has not since March. i still avoid triggering content and conversations, but less so. when i experience any hopelessness or despair (maybe twice a month), i retreat completely to my own safety.

 

that's about it. i'll re-read this thread and i barely know the person who wrote most of these posts. for those wondering who recovers, and how long it takes, all i can say is that it's a process and i still feel improvement it's just less important to me. life is better now. while i regret taking sertraline, i took sertraline and now i'm here. the life i had built is gone, and that's okay because we move forward as human-beings. i seem to be doing better than ever. people respond well to me and can see i am doing better. i am very much taking a break in my own life to allow my health to reset. i probably will not return much to this site moving forward, because i simply no longer relate to the narratives here. but i can say this: this place saved me. without it, i don't know where i would be at. i was lost, confused, and had no one to turn to for good answers. i've learned that most doctors are just doing a job, and they often think they know what's best for others. i've learned that psychiatry is truly garbage. a bridge from a dark place to a less-dark place for some. i've learned that a lot of the best care you can get falls outside of insurance. and that while mental health may be a crisis for you, others simply don't care and especially don't understand. but this place is different. if any1 is still reading this and doubting where they are at with recovery, just know that time might be the best medicine for all of us. good nutritious food comes a close second :) 

[RachelSusan]

@Ballardbeer

 

I do hope you return to this site long enough to see my heartfelt thanks for your post.  Excellent post. I wish you the best in your new life.

 

Warm wishes,

RS

[Icip]

It’s great to read your story, though through the dips, and highs, you’ve seemed to have always remained hopeful:) I wish you only good things for the future, and hope that you will continue to feel better. We’ll all still be here if you need help with anything.

 

Might I ask, how has your ‘blank brain’ been? Has it gotten better?

 

Icip.

[Ballardbeer]

On 10/9/2020 at 1:39 PM, Icip said:

It’s great to read your story, though through the dips, and highs, you’ve seemed to have always remained hopeful:) I wish you only good things for the future, and hope that you will continue to feel better. We’ll all still be here if you need help with anything.

 

Might I ask, how has your ‘blank brain’ been? Has it gotten better?

 

Icip.

 

blank brain. i once knew exactly what that meant, and now i search for words to speak to the topic. better? yeah, it's better, i don't think much about it. if i feel symptoms of a less-active or under-performing brain, i take fish oil.  sometimes i increase the dose 1.5-2x and really focus on loading up on fruit and vegetables. being able to listen to my body and respond in kind has been key.

 

my own history has returned to me. maybe even some ancestral history, as well. i feel spiritual, ambitious, goal-oriented, proud, etc.. before it was like my own history was erased for about 8 months and even if it did return it would not matter much. breakthroughs in brainspotting therapy turned the corner for me. time helped the most. sertraline wired my brain dumb for 8 months, and it just took time to allow my brain to untangle itself. 

 

i will say there was a unique perspective about blank brain which i gained while sick with COVID. for 3 weeks i suffered severe delirium, every day starting around 4pm. it was remarkable. i knew exactly what was happening... my brain would go blank slate and i could barely remember what i was doing for longer than 3 seconds. but i could recognize it! so i chilled in bed and let it pass. it was just blank brain, but a physical illness symptom. so lightbulb! you track symptoms and listen to the body no matter what. being physically sick rather than withdrawing, i started to really appreciate my self awareness and familiarity. it also made me think about all the people who suffer from delirium, but never bring awareness to it because it's literally delirium and you're just blank as can be.  

 

general symptom tracking is the best health care you can do. i've been sick so many different ways this last year, and my body has picked so many different ways to heal. lately it's yawning fits. i yawn for 30 minutes basically non-stop. sometimes it is torture. other times it's like a vagus nerve massage. i can't even begin to guess what happens next month but i imagine my body has a lot of healing left to do. 

[Icip]

@Ballardbeer,

 

Hi and thank you for your response - some days my head still feels ‘empty’ and blank, though I usually now put it down to sleep, and other sources of lethargy. I really should have, but I never thought about having fruit, or changing my lifestyle on days where my symptoms are at their worst - on a good day I feel like myself.

 

I relate a lot to your family history:) mine are French, it gives me pride and I can imagine living there when older and better, I know my old ancestral name + plan on changing my own last name to it maybe one day as I’ve always associated bad things with my current. Maybe this isn’t what you’re talking about, but it’s best to cling onto the littlest of things.

It’s great to hear that you have hope, and spirit, sometimes you have to find this externally, but it’s a good feeling knowing that it’s come back, and subsequently feeling it.

Take care and don’t leave us for too long,

 

Icip.

[Emonda]

As you have now posted your success story, I will close this introduction topic.

 

Congratulations, and thanks for sharing your success story.

 

Emonda