thelegend: hoping to get there

[Giulietta]

8 hours ago, thelegend said:

usually feeling better, but I do know that come Morning it will be bad again so that always sucks.

 

Have you considered/tried an evening routine? A mindset of positive expectations only. This means that you will wake up relaxed. You will have a restful sleep. If you catch yourself (when?) having anything but positive thoughts at night - just let them go away. When you are sleeping your brain remembers the last 3 hours what you were thinking about.

 

If I follow my evening routine - I am much more likely to sleep better. If I do things like being on SA and being on the computer - my sleep suffers.  I have a CBT exercise about anieity provoking things in my near future - and then doing a relaxing routine.

 

Try and practice - having positive expectations all evening that you will awaken relaxed.  It may take a while. It is worth a try and I hope helps.

[thelegend]

Just an update: I am not sure what to do anymore. Last night I felt GREAT, totally my old self. This morning anxiety is just horrific, I just hate this so much. The back and forth. Glimmers of hope just to come crashing down! Please tell me it gets better. I have been doing this for over 2 years now since I stupidly CTd Zoloft not knowing any better. Has that one decision ruined the rest of my life and doomed me to this horrible existence?

[thelegend]

Man, a tough, tough day. Hoping for a better one tomorrow. Anyone with some advice or encouragement coming off a just terrible day?

[Cocopuffz17]

6 minutes ago, thelegend said:

Man, a tough, tough day. Hoping for a better one tomorrow. Anyone with some advice or encouragement coming off a just terrible day?

Keep pushing. It does get better! Remember the days that are the worst are the day’s that your body is doing the most work to heal itself. 
 

Each day that passes is one day closer to being healed. 

[thelegend]

@Cocopuffz17 - thanks! Do you think I will really heal from this? After nearly 10 months of holding and over 2 years since this nightmare starting, I am having a hard time maintaining hope.

[Cocopuffz17]

1 hour ago, thelegend said:

@Cocopuffz17 - thanks! Do you think I will really heal from this? After nearly 10 months of holding and over 2 years since this nightmare starting, I am having a hard time maintaining hope.

I do. I never thought I would see any improvement in my symptoms. In windows I feel the best I’ve ever felt in my life. In waves they are manageable now and I am able to function at a decent level. 
 

Remember everyday that passes is one day closer to being healed ! 

[thelegend]

4 hours ago, Cocopuffz17 said:

I do. I never thought I would see any improvement in my symptoms. In windows I feel the best I’ve ever felt in my life. In waves they are manageable now and I am able to function at a decent level. 
 

Remember everyday that passes is one day closer to being healed ! 

that is great you feel so much better and are OFF the drugs. I am struggling this bad trying to get ON Zoloft again in a reinstatement. Nevertheless have to add a horrible drug like Zyprexa to the mix. I never thought I would be where I am today with drugs, and to still feel crappy while on TWO drugs, seem like a cruel type of unfair!

[thelegend]

A pretty manageable day yesterday. This morning I woke at 6AM to crushing anxiety again. Burning skin, seriously guys, am I doing something wrong? Why am I not getting better? I can’t keep living like this!

[Lynnardgirl]

You had a Manageable day yesterday so please don’t get discouraged! That is how it was for me!

My waves and windows all over the place ! 
finally I see and feel more windows . Hold tight 

my dear friend you are healing God bless you

[RusTW]

Matt take the good.This is work time on ourselves. Let go of trying to figure stuff out.there will be bad days and good ones.

This could take 10 yrs who cares.it will happen.

ive never stabalized on zoloft.its poison.i wouldn't expect to.

Have you tried to reduce a little. It gives me worse anxiety when I take it.

[thelegend]

@RusTW - I haven’t tried to reduce, just been trying to not do anything different so I don’t upset the nervous system anymore. I took Zoloft for 8 years and only had problems when I stupidly CTd it. Now I feel I am doomed to forever be paying for that one mistake.

[RusTW]

16 minutes ago, thelegend said:

@RusTW - I haven’t tried to reduce, just been trying to not do anything different so I don’t upset the nervous system anymore. I took Zoloft for 8 years and only had problems when I stupidly CTd it. Now I feel I am doomed to forever be paying for that one mistake.

Nope move on.zoloft doesn't work for you anymore. It's a **** drug.im tapering it soon.im almost off it at 25 mg.

Are u on 50mg

[Lynnardgirl]

I’m with you thelegend wouldn’t do any thing

right now but absolutely get off once you stabilize 

[thelegend]

31 minutes ago, RusTW said:

Nope move on.zoloft doesn't work for you anymore. It's a **** drug.im tapering it soon.im almost off it at 25 mg.

Are u on 50mg

yep I am on 50mgs. Looking at what the mods suggest to others I should have tried to go back on at like 1-5mgs, it is what it is at this point though.

[thelegend]

Went on a campout with my kids last night, it was freezing cold so I didn’t sleep well. Actually woke today to my shock with very little anxiety. Thought it would mean a good day anxiety wise because of this...not the case. Anxiety kicked up at about noon or 1 and has just been awful. Burning eyes, skin, and sensitivity to touch to go along with it. It has to get better at some point!

[thelegend]

Well it is a good problem to have, but it seems most of my friends on this site have gotten much better so they check in much less often. That is awesome! However it seems it does leave me talking to myself on my thread most of the time. Haha!

[Lynnardgirl]

You will heal! Please buy the book the secret!

I don’t know if it’s my mind changing, staying in the now or I’m healing all together! God bless you my friend 

[Giulietta]

Hello TL

 

Nope. I am here. Yesterday and today I was fully engaged in things not as nearly as fun as camping with kids! 

 

On 2/23/2020 at 12:39 PM, Lynnardgirl said:

I don’t know if it’s my mind changing, staying in the now or I’m healing all together!

 

Good for you!

 

On 2/22/2020 at 10:10 PM, thelegend said:

Actually woke today to my shock with very little anxiety. Thought it would mean a good day anxiety wise because of this...not the case

 

Mine may start (some of the time) because of what I am thinking about - something I need to do that I don't want to do - or apprehension about asking or telling someone something.   Maybe this is the case for you some of the time? My chest may start pounding, for example. Sometimes it is simply out of the blue with nothing I can sort out.

 

 

[Rosetta]

Hi.  I’m sorry you are struggling so much.  I see you are 9 months at 50 mg.  Keep hanging in there.  You will stabilize.  

 

You asked on my thread how long it took for me to start feeling better.  Looking back it was about 5-6 months from when my most horrid symptoms began.  I quit Trazodone, Xanax and finished a taper in February 2016 from 150 mg of Zoloft.  I had a honeymoon period.  It was not until July that I found SA, and I realized I was suffering from the CT/fast Taper.  The absolute worst ended sometime during the next January, but horrible waves kept coming back for another year and half at least.  If you read my thread you will see that I didn’t ”feel better” very often.  I can see now the progression was continuous improvement after every wave, but the waves could be quite brutal.

 

Try to think to yourself during waves that there will be improvement afterward.  It helps.

 

Rosetta

[Lynnardgirl]

On 2/26/2020 at 7:58 PM, Rosetta said:

Hi.  I’m sorry you are struggling so much.  I see you are 9 months at 50 mg.  Keep hanging in there.  You will stabilize.  

 

You asked on my thread how long it took for me to start feeling better.  Looking back it was about 5-6 months from when my most horrid symptoms began.  I quit Trazodone, Xanax and finished a taper in February 2016 from 150 mg of Zoloft.  I had a honeymoon period.  It was not until July that I found SA, and I realized I was suffering from the CT/fast Taper.  The absolute worst ended sometime during the next January, but horrible waves kept coming back for another year and half at least.  If you read my thread you will see that I didn’t ”feel better” very often.  I can see now the progression was continuous improvement after every wave, but the waves could be quite brutal.

 

Try to think to yourself during waves that there will be improvement afterward.  It helps.

 

Rosetta

Thank you Rosetta, keeps me hopeful 

[sunnysideup69]

Hey @thelegend, thought I'd drop by and say hello, see how you are doing. I haven't been posting much cos I've been dealing with family illness. Has set me back a little bit, but I'll push through again. During this time, I also started eating a LOT of sugar and it REALLY messed me up. Anyway, enough about me.

 

How are you?I see you went on a campout, which is amazing! I know it can feel like 'you'll be paying for one mistake forever,' that's a very typical WD kind of thought, isn't it? Truth is, you won't. It's just that recovery takes time and healing is inconsistent.

 

You're getting there, your patches of feeling good are proof of that ❤️ 

[thelegend]

On 3/1/2020 at 12:56 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

Hey @thelegend, thought I'd drop by and say hello, see how you are doing. I haven't been posting much cos I've been dealing with family illness. Has set me back a little bit, but I'll push through again. During this time, I also started eating a LOT of sugar and it REALLY messed me up. Anyway, enough about me.

 

How are you?I see you went on a campout, which is amazing! I know it can feel like 'you'll be paying for one mistake forever,' that's a very typical WD kind of thought, isn't it? Truth is, you won't. It's just that recovery takes time and healing is inconsistent.

 

You're getting there, your patches of feeling good are proof of that ❤️ 

Sorry to hear about the recent setback, but at least you are seeing good spells so you know you are healing. I had a pretty manageable week last week, not good by any stretch, but I could manage. Last could of days the morning had been horrible, but I have been getting very nice windows in the evenings again, which have been very nice. Almost symptom free after about 5pm the last two days, but the mornings are still so hard!

[Tom37]

Good to see your getting windows in the evenings again. It definitely helps having a break from it all before the next day.

 

With your anxiety in mornings is it purely physical symptoms that you get or to do get anxious thoughts too?....I know when you get the physical symptoms it’s hard to not let the mind attach them to something.

[sunnysideup69]

Really good you are beginning to get some evening relief again. Fantastic!

[thelegend]

Guys, I don’t know what to do. I am in my own personal hell where there is no escape. I wake every morning to torturous anxiety. Yes @Tom37 physical and mental symptoms. I just am not getting better and don’t know where to turn or what to do!

[mstimc]

Legend, this will end and you will recover.  Anxiety will not define your life.  I was where you are and dreaded every morning; I prayed every day on my way to work just to get through the day.  But I got up and did it all over again day after day.  Eventually, almost imperceptibly, the symptoms decreased over time.  They will for you, too.  

[Lynnardgirl]

It will end this nightmare ! Sometimes like today’

I want to give up but we can’t just have faith !

God bless you my friend 

[thelegend]

@mstimc - how long did I take for you. It is almost 3 years now since this nightmare started for me. I know now I made it all worse by jumping around on meds, but I simply didn’t know any better. I really thought after 10 months of holding I would be getting some relief at this point. 
 

@Lynnardgirl - how long have you been holding now? Have you seen any improvement?

[mstimc]

8 minutes ago, thelegend said:

@mstimc - how long did I take for you. It is almost 3 years now since this nightmare started for me. I know now I made it all worse by jumping around on meds, but I simply didn’t know any better. I really thought after 10 months of holding I would be getting some relief at this point. 
 

@Lynnardgirl - how long have you been holding now? Have you seen any improvement?

It took me about three years to see improvement.  But this isn't a race--it'll take you as long as you need.  First step, don't blame yourself;  you did what you thought was right based on the information you had at the time.  Don't dwell on what's been lost, but what your future can be once you're past all of this.

[thelegend]

4 hours ago, mstimc said:

It took me about three years to see improvement.  But this isn't a race--it'll take you as long as you need.  First step, don't blame yourself;  you did what you thought was right based on the information you had at the time.  Don't dwell on what's been lost, but what your future can be once you're past all of this.

I hope so, it just feels impossible to believe the future holds anything other than crushing anxiety.

[thelegend]

Monthly Update:

 

Sensitive to sound - pretty much gone

Sensitive to touch - less, almost gone

Pins and needles - sometimes at night

Burning eyes, arms, back, feet - still have arms some mornings, eyes are still a problem

Hyper stimulation - less that the beginning, but still around.

Bad sleep - still awaken too early with anxiety...maybe it isn’t quite as early?

Waking with cortisal spikes - still around, maybe as bad as ever!

Light headedness, or feeling like you are not quite all there - still around, probably not as bad.

Massive anxiety - very much still around, bad as ever.

IBS - better, but still not gone, come back quite often in the AM.

Shaking - still happens when anxiety is high

Sweating - pretty much gone.

[mstimc]

13 hours ago, thelegend said:

I hope so, it just feels impossible to believe the future holds anything other than crushing anxiety.

That's one of the curses of anxiety and WD disorders--because your mind has turned against you, its incredibly difficult to overcome the catastrophic thoughts.  Most other chronic diseases can, to a degree, be quantified and managed by behavoirs.  If you have diabetes, you can control your diet and take insulin.  If you have arthritis you can take pain meds and exercise or get physical therapy.  But anxiety and WD try to tell you there's no hope and you're doomed forever--they create their own reality.  But they really are just thoughts have only have the power we give them.  It was a titanically  difficult path for me, but I got to the end.  You will too!

[thelegend]

@mstimc - Thanks for that, that is really helpful. I don’t know if I am just in a bad wave or what, but the last 3 days have just been unbearable!

[Giulietta]

9 hours ago, thelegend said:

Monthly Update:

 

Hi there

This is an encouraging post.

 

Anxiety and insomnia are from everything I have learned from members on the site are the 'last to go' in many or most instances.  When I look at your list - it looks like great improvement overall.

5 hours ago, mstimc said:

anxiety and WD try to tell you there's no hope and you're doomed forever--they create their own reality.  But they really are just thoughts have only have the power we give them

 

@thelegend

 

This is so true and @mstimc thank you for articulating this. Anxiety creates itself - and takes on a life of its own in WD situations. It snowballs and feeds itself on our negative thoughts.  The brain is wired to think in negative terms for self-protection - i.e., the noise may be a bear getting closer to us so we experience fear.

 

I see a lot of improvement. It takes a long time for most of us.

 

[thelegend]

How are you doing @Giulietta? I am hoping the improvement in other things start spilling into the anxiety...last week it felt a little more manageable...this week...not so much!

[Giulietta]

1 minute ago, thelegend said:

I am hoping the improvement in other things start spilling into the anxiety...last week it felt a little more manageable...this week...not so much!

 

It will! That is why every good day we are grateful for.

 

WD does seem to be a process - an 'illness.' Recovering from a broken bone takes less time...  😉

 

I have found that even though I enjoy a string of good days - there is the possibilty that difficult ones may appear. That helps me...