Cathy4: Zoloft withdrawal gone awry

[Cathy4]

Hi Everyone, 

I’m looking for advice and support.

 

Last February I began what I thought was a slow withdrawal from zoloft.  I tapered from 150mg down to 25mg in the span of 6 months.  I went to 25mg on July 1st and a little over a month later I started to notice profound feelings of helplessness/despair, monumental anxiety, increased panic attacks, and this overwhelming feeling that the ground was going to open up and swallow me.  

 

To complicate matters, I’d been taking xanax to “help” with the panic/anxiety—maybe .25 or .5mg every other day.  As I can tapered the zoloft, I began to notice interdose withdrawal from the xanax.  On 8/24/19, I cold-turkeyed off xanax, thinking it was doing more harm than good.  After a couple weeks of Hell (becoming truly paranoid, not eating, waking up with lightning bolts through my head, nightmares, and just overall terror, I upped my zoloft to 50mg.  

 

Close to hospitalization, I called my psychiatrist and he said to go to 100mg of zoloft and start klonopin.  

 

100mg of zoloft was too much, and so I went to 75mg, where I’ve been for the past 14 days.  I am taking .25 to .5mg klonopin every morning.  My question is this:

 

How long does it take to get stable?  Everyday I have intense fear/anxiety and I have developed agoraphobia.  The abrupt xanax cessation brought back ptsd symptoms.  I’m not working right now and very isolated.  I want to begin tapering again as soon as possible because I feel like both these drugs are contributing to my intense fear/anxiety.  Any suggestions/ideas are more than welcome.  Thank you.  

(Oh, and I’ve been on zoloft for... 10 years and before that luvox, prozac for shorter stints.  Also on xanax & klonopin as needed for 15 years but only recently was taking xanax frequently).

Thank you so much.  

 

 

[manymoretodays]

Hi Cathy4 and welcome aboard,

And oh my........quite the wowser of symptoms and I'm so sorry.  Glad you have been able to stay out of the hospital.  Not easy to do this all by your lonesome though.  Do you have another person in your household?  Not to be nosy, it can help though, especially if you have stopped going out due to agoraphobia and post trauma stress symptoms.  Do you need to give your work a time frame for when you might be back? 

 

How were you doing through the rapid taper of Zoloft, prior to the xanax?  Were you just going down in increments of 25 or 50 mg, with the Zoloft? 

 

Did you hold on the 25 mg of Zoloft then, from July 1st until you jumped up in dose to 100 mg and then backed down to 75 mg?

Can you do a signature for us?   Please put your withdrawal history in your signature.

That would clarify some of my questions.

The how to's are in that link ^ 

If unable to, you could just put some dates, followed by drugs and dosages here on your introduction page.  I did see your previous history in your post too.  Just for now, if necessary, just stick to the past 6 mos. to years time.

 

Benzo dependency generally develops in 2 weeks time.  Even with intermittent dosing, like you did.   You might want to just stabilize your dose of klonopin now, at the very least, in hopes of some further stability with that.  Klonopin has a much longer half life than Xanax does, and so generally speaking, only needs to be dosed daily.  Xanax most people take 3- 4 times a day.   I don't think it's a bad idea to perhaps stick with a 0.5 mg dose daily with the Klonopin now.  Same dose, same time of day.  It may be of value, in offsetting some of the severe WD(withdrawal) that set in from both Zoloft, and then Xanax.

 

Sometimes, most times, tapering is not the answer to WD.  I wish it was that easy.  It's not.

 

Could be awhile until you get stable.  And then again, with the right updose, and usage of the Klonopin.........maybe it will be sooner.  No problem just HOLDING around here.  And then tackling tapering, when your nervous system has had a bit of time to recover.

 

How are you doing on the 75 mg of Zoloft?  And when do you take that?  Is it in the morning alongside the Klonopin?

 

I don't know if you can read and absorb much at this point, but I'll go ahead and give you some of the basic starter information that everyone should read prior to tapering off of their AD(antidepressant) or benzo.  Many of us can't, when we first arrive, already in a state of WD........so, I am not chastising you, in any way..........just saying.

 

So.......anyway......here you have it:

The 10% taper recommendation is a harm reduction approach to going off psychiatric drugs.

*****Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

We suggest a 10% taper based on each previous dosage.  And then as you'll see, most often, one can get down from the higher dosages, without nearly as much problem, as that which begins to become apparent, at the lower dosages. 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

this one^, applies to updosing as well

 

CT(cold turkey) and fast tapers

 

Tips for tapering off Zoloft(sertraline)

 

Brain Remodelling

What is withdrawal syndrome.

The Windows and Waves pattern of Stabilization

 

Dr.Glenmullen’s withdrawal symptom list.

 

When we take medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made.  The CNS likes stability. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur. And sleep is really important during withdrawal.  How are you doing with sleep at this point?

 

This is your introduction/journal page where you have now introduced yourself to the community, you can ask questions here regarding your tapering, give updates, and just keep a record of your journey.   And a journey it is!

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

manymoretodays(mmt)

 

Edited October 9, 2019 by manymoretodays

[Cathy4]

Thank you so much, manymoretodays,

 

I have now included my medication signature.  The zoloft 75mg is better than 100mg because I can sleep alright some nights and don’t have the drowsy agitation, rage, and insomnia.  The pretty constant fear/anxiety throughout the day often is barely touched by the klonopin.  

 

During the rapid zoloft taper, I was having more panic attacks and anxiety but that could’ve also been yo-yoing from the xanax.  I started feeling really really weird almost exactly one month after dropping to 25mg zoloft, so I held there and stupidly cold-turkeyed xanax.  Then I really panicked and started upping the zoloft.  

 

7am levothyroxine

8am .5mg klonopin

9am  75mg zoloft w/bite of food

 

10:30am anxiety, feeling that ground is moving or going to move

 

afternoon:  anxiety typically a bit better

evening:  anxiety returns/panic attack, want to gag a lot

 

350mg magnesium a day, two teaspoons fish oil, epsom salt bath if not too anxious to sit

 

meditation both a.m. & p.m. if can sit.  Trying to walk some days, massive social phobias, new phobia of driving on freeway.  

 

Thanks for suggestion to keep klonopin at .5mg.  I feel like I just substituted one benzo for another and worried about tolerance/withdrawals with klonopin.  

 

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Cathy.

 

7 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

10:30am anxiety, feeling that ground is moving or going to move

 

 

Does this happen every day?

 

You may have to divide your Klonopin doses. I'll ask @Shep to look at this.

 

[Cathy4]

Hi Altostrata,

 

Yes, right now it happens nearly every day around that time.  Thanks very much for checking with @Shep and responding.  

Cathy

[Cbluffs]

On 10/7/2019 at 10:09 PM, Cathy4 said:

Hi Everyone, 

I’m looking for advice and support.

 

Last February I began what I thought was a slow withdrawal from zoloft.  I tapered from 150mg down to 25mg in the span of 6 months.  I went to 25mg on July 1st and a little over a month later I started to notice profound feelings of helplessness/despair, monumental anxiety, increased panic attacks, and this overwhelming feeling that the ground was going to open up and swallow me.  

 

To complicate matters, I’d been taking xanax to “help” with the panic/anxiety—maybe .25 or .5mg every other day.  As I can tapered the zoloft, I began to notice interdose withdrawal from the xanax.  On 8/24/19, I cold-turkeyed off xanax, thinking it was doing more harm than good.  After a couple weeks of Hell (becoming truly paranoid, not eating, waking up with lightning bolts through my head, nightmares, and just overall terror, I upped my zoloft to 50mg.  

 

Close to hospitalization, I called my psychiatrist and he said to go to 100mg of zoloft and start klonopin.  

 

100mg of zoloft was too much, and so I went to 75mg, where I’ve been for the past 14 days.  I am taking .25 to .5mg klonopin every morning.  My question is this:

 

How long does it take to get stable?  Everyday I have intense fear/anxiety and I have developed agoraphobia.  The abrupt xanax cessation brought back ptsd symptoms.  I’m not working right now and very isolated.  I want to begin tapering again as soon as possible because I feel like both these drugs are contributing to my intense fear/anxiety.  Any suggestions/ideas are more than welcome.  Thank you.  

(Oh, and I’ve been on zoloft for... 10 years and before that luvox, prozac for shorter stints.  Also on xanax & klonopin as needed for 15 years but only recently was taking xanax frequently).

Thank you so much.  

 

 

 Hey @cathy4

We are all here for you! You will get through this! trust the process and keep your faith high! A couple of things I do to help my taper and keep me going strong are:
1. I meditate a lot, during this taper its can get very overwhelming fast and scary especially when you're getting all these negative emotions and thoughts. Sometimes its important to do sit still and focus on your breath. It helps me a lot! 

2. I journal every night, how my day went and always remind myself of my intention of coming off the medication, that intention will keep you going! Getting your thoughts on paper is very therapeutic, and I have seen it help myself out a lot.

3. Exercise!!! So important, even if its a walk around the block or if you want to do some yoga which correlates to meditation and breath work, but moving your body is really key to producing healthy chemistry in the brain. 

4. Eat a healthy diet! consume nutrient dense food.

5. Be active in your recovery! I know it can be a challenge doing this alone but your not! you got us on this page! We are rooting for you!

love 

[Shep]

On 10/10/2019 at 12:19 AM, Cathy4 said:

7am levothyroxine

8am .5mg klonopin

9am  75mg zoloft w/bite of food

 

10:30am anxiety, feeling that ground is moving or going to move

 

That "ground moving" sounds like a benzo side effect and / or withdrawal effect.

 

From The Ashton Manual: 

 

However, certain symptom clusters are particularly characteristic of benzodiazepine withdrawal. These include hypersensitivity to sensory stimuli (sound, light, touch, taste and smell) and perceptual distortions (for example sensation of the floor undulating, feeling of motion, impressions of walls or floors tilting, sensation of walking on cotton wool).

 

On 10/8/2019 at 1:09 AM, Cathy4 said:

To complicate matters, I’d been taking xanax to “help” with the panic/anxiety—maybe .25 or .5mg every other day.  As I can tapered the zoloft, I began to notice interdose withdrawal from the xanax.  On 8/24/19, I cold-turkeyed off xanax, thinking it was doing more harm than good. After a couple weeks of Hell (becoming truly paranoid, not eating, waking up with lightning bolts through my head, nightmares, and just overall terror, I upped my zoloft to 50mg.  

 

Did the "ground moving" symptom start after you cold-turkeyed Xanax? Did you have this prior to upping the Zoloft to 50 mg? 

 

Does this symptom happen only at 10:30? How long does it last? 

 

Sorry to ask so many questions, but I'm wondering if you may be dealing with Xanax withdrawal, even with the Klonopin.  Please let us know more. 

 

[Cathy4]

Hi Shep,

 

Thank You for your message.

The ground moving sensation started mostly after CT xanax, and also after updosing to 50mg Zoloft (actually even more after upping to 75mg zoloft).

 

It’s definitely a more recent (in the past month or so) phenomenon that coincides with extreme shoulder/neck tension.  

 

It happens anytime of day, more often mid-morning and evening, and can last for a couple hours.  Even if I take a .25mg klonopin it doesn’t seem to necessarily go away.  

 

Thank you so much. 

 

So it is still possible to feel withdrawals from xanax even though I’ve substituted another benzo in here(?)

[Shep]

On 10/11/2019 at 11:03 AM, Cathy4 said:

So it is still possible to feel withdrawals from xanax even though I’ve substituted another benzo in here(?)

 

Yes, you could definitely be getting Xanax withdrawal symptoms. Both Klonopin and Xanax are benzos, but they are still different drugs.  We recommend a very slow crossover whenever someone wishes to do a crossover, which gives the nervous system time to adjust. The sudden impact of the cold turkey switch no doubt rattled your nervous system. 

 

And as you mention, changes in the SSRI also caused upticks in symptoms.

 

How are you feeling now? 

[Cathy4]

Okay, Shep,

 

thanks for that info.  No wonder I’m still having really bizarre intrusive memories coming back.  
 

Yesterday was really rough.  Depressed yet fearful, so I spent much of the day breathing in and out.  At night the scary thoughts come, but once I’m able to get to sleep, I can sleep without nightmares or vivid weird dreams for 5-6 hours, which is an improvement from the past couple weeks.  
 

Maybe today will be better.  I just don’t want to die yet, I feel like if I can get through this and get stable, I’ll be a better person and better able to help others.  
 

Thanks for the support. 
Cathy

[Shep]

On 10/13/2019 at 12:11 PM, Cathy4 said:

Yesterday was really rough.  Depressed yet fearful, so I spent much of the day breathing in and out.  At night the scary thoughts come, but once I’m able to get to sleep, I can sleep without nightmares or vivid weird dreams for 5-6 hours, which is an improvement from the past couple weeks.  

 

Sounds like you're stabilizing. As sleep improves, other symptoms likely will, too. 

[Cathy4]

Okay, good to hear, thanks Shep.  
 

I’ll keep eating & sleeping and just focus on basic self-care.  I appreciate the support.  

[Cathy4]

Update:

 

8am:  .25 klonopin

9am:  75mg zoloft

 

still getting that mid-morning sometimes into afternoon weird equilibrium/tilting feeling accompanied with extreme upper body tension. (So tried dividing klonopin doses)

 

12pm .25 klonopin 

 

afternoon anxiety dissipates a bit

 

6:30-7pm fear, panic attack, feeling like brain wants to throw up, gagging (this has become evening pattern over past week or so)

 

9pm start to calm down, meditation, 350mg magnesium

 

9:45 bedtime, sleep has been BETTER.  So grateful.  Sleeping 6ish hours solid.  
 

 

Been on 75mg zoloft for 23 days now.  Been reading about what it means to stabilize.  How do I know when I’ve stabilized?  It’s not like I’ll go back to how I felt pre-taper, correct?  
 

Thank you.  
Cathy

[Shep]

19 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

9:45 bedtime, sleep has been BETTER.  So grateful.  Sleeping 6ish hours solid.  
 

 

Been on 75mg zoloft for 23 days now.  Been reading about what it means to stabilize.  How do I know when I’ve stabilized?  It’s not like I’ll go back to how I felt pre-taper, correct?  

 

Glad your sleep is better. Excellent update. 

 

You may find this post by moderator Brassmonkey helpful regarding what it's like to stabilize. He calls it "withdrawal normal":

 

Withdrawal Normal

 

 

Edited October 17, 2019 by Shep
fixed typo

[Cathy4]

Thank you, Shep.  
Great info.  After doing a lot of reading on this site, I realize I need to be really really really patient.  
 

I do feel like the 75mg of zoloft is amping me up too much, but I shouldn’t make any changes whatsoever right now.  

[Cathy4]

Thinking ahead in preparation for taper once I’m stable enough:

 

I’ve read through “which psychiatric drug to taper first when taking multiple drugs.”  I know zoloft is the accelerator and klonopin the brake, however, for much of the time I’ve been on zoloft, I haven’t/wasn’t using the benzos (only intermittently).  It’s only, ha, ONLY been in the past 3 years where the xanax use was ramped up...  so would you all say it would be prudent for me to taper the zoloft first?  Or the klonopin?  I’m afraid to continue the klonopin usage just cause the xanax withdrawal was SO bad (granted ignorant cold turkey).  
 

And also, I’m going to get one of those Gemini scales you all speak of:  has anyone here crushed zoloft tablets and put the powder into the gelatin capsules?  I’ve read the info/tips for tapering sertraline and making a liquid solution intimidates me.  
 

Is it pretty normal to be obsessing about this process and also feel terribly isolated/alone?  (Even though I’m SO SO grateful for this forum).  
 

Thanks,

Cathy

[Shep]

16 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

so would you all say it would be prudent for me to taper the zoloft first?  Or the klonopin?  

 

I would recommend tapering the Zoloft first. Insomnia is one of the most common symptoms of benzo withdrawal. Preserving sleep is key. 

 

In your signature, you have ".5 mg or .75 mg Klonopin." Are you still varying the dose? It's best to find a dose that works and keep it the same each day. The more consistency you have, the easier it is on your nervous system. 

 

Also, if you're varying your benzo dose while tapering another drug, it makes it very hard to gage your symptoms - using a higher dose of the benzo at certain times may be masking important symptoms telling you that you are tapering your Zoloft too fast and / or may benefit from a hold. 

 

16 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

And also, I’m going to get one of those Gemini scales you all speak of:  has anyone here crushed zoloft tablets and put the powder into the gelatin capsules?  I’ve read the info/tips for tapering sertraline and making a liquid solution intimidates me.  

 

Yes, you can crush Zoloft and weigh it. If you search for "zoloft" in the Using a Scale thread, you'll see one or two people posting who've used this method with Zoloft. 

[Cathy4]

15 hours ago, Shep said:

In your signature, you have ".5 mg or .75 mg Klonopin." Are you still varying the dose? It's best to find a dose that works and keep it the same each day. The more consistency you have, the easier it is on your nervous system.

Okay, I tried doing .365mg for 5 days but I felt worse—massive depression & feelings of rage (strangely simultaneously).  I didn’t feel worse right away but after 4 days.  So I’m back to .5mg klonopin per day.  I’ll stick to that.  It doesn’t do much for the tension/anxiety, but I don’t want to go higher.  I’ll update my signature.

 

Okay, I’ll plan on tapering zoloft first.  I want to start soon but I shouldn’t yet, not stable enough.  
 

When I cold-turkeyed from xanax I went into the woods one day and hid off-trail, convinced people were gonna lock me up.  No need to return to that type of sheer terror.  
 

Thank you, Shep. 

[Cathy4]

Sorry about double-posting above. Can’t figure out how to delete it.  
 

10/21

7am light box therapy + meditation + levothyroxine 

 

8am klonopin .25mg

 

9am zoloft 75mg w/breakfast

10am went out to grocery store (trying to overcome agoraphobia since CT xanax).  Did well driving, panic attack in checkout line (lines have also become anxiety-producing).  Clenched fists & tried to focus on exhaling, pretending everything fine.  Got back to car, gagged, and almost threw up. 
 

12:00pm klonopin .25mg, raked leaves in yard for two hours

 

3:00pm sat down for rest & read more about tapering (ordered scale last night)

 

4:00pm  worked out on elliptical, sweated & felt good.

 

6:00pm epsom salt bath, felt normal for first time in weeks.  Didn’t have to be in that hyper vigilant state.  Really excited to feel normal for even brief stint.  
 

Now:  meditation, journaling, magnesium.  Can’t wait to start tapering the zoloft.  

[Shep]

7 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

Okay, I tried doing .365mg for 5 days but I felt worse—massive depression & feelings of rage (strangely simultaneously).  I didn’t feel worse right away but after 4 days.  So I’m back to .5mg klonopin per day.  I’ll stick to that.  It doesn’t do much for the tension/anxiety, but I don’t want to go higher.  I’ll update my signature.

 

Okay, I’ll plan on tapering zoloft first.  I want to start soon but I shouldn’t yet, not stable enough.  

 

This sounds like a good plan. Yes, stabilize first. 

 

You've got some great non-drug coping techniques with meditation, journaling, and exercise. This will set you up for a much easier taper journey. 

 

 

[Cathy4]

On 10/22/2019 at 4:12 AM, Shep said:

 

This sounds like a good plan. Yes, stabilize first. 

 

You've got some great non-drug coping techniques with meditation, journaling, and exercise. This will set you up for a much easier taper journey. 

 

 

I’m definitely feeling more stable.  I’m getting at least 5.5 to 6 hours of solid sleep before I do my 3:30am wake-up, but then able to go back to sleep after awhile (typically).  
 

I know no one can really tell me when it’s a good time to start tapering, but I welcome opinions.  If I don’t push myself too much (which I’m prone to doing), my symptoms are pretty mild & under control.  I still have lots of social anxiety and need to limit my time around people.  
 

One reason I want to start tapering on the zoloft soon is because I have a firm suspicion it could be affecting my thyroid.  Digestion & gut stuff slowed down again after I went back up to 75mg zoloft.  
 

Would I be silly to start tapering in a week or two?  Do people typically wait longer after having bad withdrawals or CT off something?  
 

Thank you,

Cathy

[Shep]

7 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

I know no one can really tell me when it’s a good time to start tapering, but I welcome opinions.  If I don’t push myself too much (which I’m prone to doing), my symptoms are pretty mild & under control.  I still have lots of social anxiety and need to limit my time around people.  

 

This post may help:

 

Withdrawal Normal

[Cathy4]

Thank you, Shep.  
Okay.  I’m gonna wait a bit more but at least have my 67.5mg pills ready to go for when it’s time.  
Cathy

[Cathy4]

I decided to start my taper on the zoloft today.  The powder from the pill grinder was a huge mess, so I opted to weigh individual pieces until they added up to the desired 208mg/67.5mgai.  
 

I realized that my approximation of  the 75mg has not been very accurate (psychiatrist wouldn’t prescribe 25mg tablets so that I could more accurately make 75mg),  so I don’t anticipate many, if any, changes with this first decrease in dosage.  
 

Anxiety is definitely still present, but eating & sleeping have been overall much more consistent.  
 

Decided to stick with the .375mg dosage of klonopin.  
 

Thanks for being there.  
Cathy

[Cathy4]

Okay, so I definitely have been feeling pretty funky the last few days.  However, wondering if hormones could be at play because of monthly cycle.  
 

This is day 17 of .375mg klonopin,

and day 6 of 67.5mgai zoloft.  
 

6:30pm:  could not stop crying and got anxious and panicked before bed.  
 

7:45pm:  extra tired, so tried to calm down with meditation and kept awaking, gasping for air while falling asleep.  Finally got to sleep.
 

3:00am:  awoke because of nightmare of being wrestled/pinned to ground, jaw was clenched so tightly and neck wouldn’t move.  When I actually awoke, both these things were true!   New symptom.  
 

I had a few really tough days last month on/around my period, so I’m wondering if it’s that.  Or am I being too ambitious in starting my slow taper?  
 

Still alive, though.  That’s good.  
Cathy 

[Shep]

20 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

Okay, so I definitely have been feeling pretty funky the last few days.  However, wondering if hormones could be at play because of monthly cycle.  

 

Yes, this is very common during withdrawal. Please see:

 

PMS, PMDD, and menstrual cycle issues during withdrawal and after

 

You may want to hold a bit longer until you're feeling better. 

[Cathy4]

Oh thanks Shep,

I’m semi-relieved to know this what’s going on.  It’s been like I was back in xanax withdrawals after cold-turkeying.  
 

Okay, I’ll hold here and plan on not decreasing a week before my period, either.  
 

I’m trying to be patient.  I’ve been on these drugs for quite a few years so what is waiting a few months, right?  
Thanks.

Cathy

[Cathy4]

I’m just feeling super down tonight.  
 

My sleep has been pretty good, which I’m so grateful for, but the weird symptoms that alternate and come and go make me always feel on edge and worried about my health.  Is it normal to just be really fatigued and tired?  Even if I’m sleeping pretty good?  
 

I know you and many others have gotten through this and are better. I understand it just takes time and the feeling trapped & stuck is just part of the process.  
 

I need to find more support or maybe even start a support group. And a medical person who actually understands and acknowledges psychiatric drug withdrawal.  
 

Cathy

[Shep]

8 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

My sleep has been pretty good, which I’m so grateful for, but the weird symptoms that alternate and come and go make me always feel on edge and worried about my health.  Is it normal to just be really fatigued and tired?  Even if I’m sleeping pretty good?  

 

Fatigue is extremely common during withdrawal. It's great your sleep has improved, but withdrawal affects so many systems, your mind/body is working hard to heal.

 

Severe fatigue / tiredness / lethargy / lethargic

 

Also, keep in mind you're taking Klonopin during the day and Klonopin is a central nervous system depressant. So you may be getting some side effects of this drug. 

 

8 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

I need to find more support or maybe even start a support group. And a medical person who actually understands and acknowledges psychiatric drug withdrawal.  

 

You may want to touch base with members who are near you:

 

Pacific Northwest US folks check in here

 

Another way to build a up support is to read the intro threads and find others with similar histories, age, family and / or work histories, etc. and post encouragement on their threads. Once you get to know people a bit, then you can message them through the PM system. 

 

This can help you build up some support to get you through the withdrawal journey. 

[Cathy4]

Thanks so much, Shep.  
I’m spending a lot of time scouring this site but there’s so much info and I appreciate the specific links.  
Cathy

[Cathy4]

@Shep

 

I have been having just strange sensations in all areas of my abdomen and sometimes flanks—it’s almost as if I can feel food moving or digestive processes going on.  Sometimes not even related to when I eat.  
 

I also have incredibly frequent urges to urinate but not much comes out.  Sort of similar to uti symptoms.  I don’t want to go to a doctor right now (otherwise I’d need to take a larger dose of klonopin for the added anxiety).  I read the thread on “bladder issues” 

 

In your opinion, are these things normal symptoms/reactions that can happen in withdrawal?  
Thank you so much, 

Cathy

[Altostrata]

How long have you been having urination issues?

[Cathy4]

5 days or so.   I'm drinking some cranberry juice right now and taking some cranberry capsules after I eat.  I notice the urination issues more in the evening before bed and in the morning upon waking.  Thanks Alto.

[Cathy4]

11/25

2:30-5:00am awake (typically been sleeping well)

 

7:30am awoke, took 37.5mcg levothyroxine, morning meditation + light box, able to empty bladder a couple times, but still weird pelvic sensations (dull feeling and feeling like there’s a muscle down there I can’t unclench)

 

8:00am  .25mg klonopin 

8:30am  more obsessive thoughts about health—with each thought that came, tried to exhale & focus on breath overall, cooked breakfast

9:00am  67.5mg zoloft, D-mannose, B-vitamins

 

10:00am  drove to Trader Joe’s, parking lot so busy decided to turn back.  Gastrointestinal symptoms arose during drive.  Like gas is stuck inside mid-section.  More obsessive thoughts about health fear.  
 

11:00am  blew off roof with back-pack blower, raked more leaves, listened to Peter Breggin podcast.  Flank sensations present, pelvic sensations gone (they traded places!?)

 

12:30pm   Young nephew visiting, wanted me to play with him.  Too loud and misbehaved.  Tried for few minutes but flank pain elevated and sudden terror out of nowhere.  
 

Now:  calming down in room & focusing on breath.  Working through pretty constant fear each day.  Continuing to walk 3 miles or so daily.  
 

Feel like my life has been reduced to a very narrow focus of survival.  Looking for therapist who specializes in PTSD/trauma.  
 

Cathy

 

 

[Cathy4]

11/29

 

I had a couple “better” days and now today I’m just exhausted.  I definitely overdid it with the walking yesterday.  There were some small windows where the fear wasn’t as present and I had some clarity.  It was like “ohhh, this is what life can be like!!!”

 

I made the mistake of getting back in contact with my abusive drug-addict brother who told me that the 10% tapering method is nonsense and that I’ve been “misled,” but not everyone understands biochemistry like he does or worked in a pharmacology lab for a year.  
 

I felt really bad after the conversation because he belittled me and was very condescending.  And didn’t listen to my experience or everything I’ve read/researched over the past year.  I probably need to cut ties with him again while I recover.  
 

Symptoms:  flank pain better, digestion slightly better, pelvic pain intermittent.  Amygdala totally “off-leash” but from what I’m hearing/reading, that’s normal.  Deep depression & fatigue today, but energy has been overall a bit better.  
 

Holding at 67.5mgai zoloft.  
 

Cathy

[Cathy4]

11/30

 

2:30am-4am awake, difficulty going back to sleep.  Slight pain after getting up to urinate, but not too bad

 

7:30am woke up, took 37.5mcg levothyroxine, cooked breakfast for family member’s Birthday. 
 

8:00am  took .25mg klonopin, meditation in front of light box

 

8:45am  ate breakfast, took B-vitamins + D-mannose, 67.5 mg zoloft, kept hot packs on abdomen/pelvic area to ease discomfort, drank chamomile tea, went back to room for more meditation, journaling.  
 

10:00am  watched a little college football, tried to get mind off health anxiety & fear

 

11:40am  managed to drive to store to get cupcakes & flowers for the birthday

 

12:00pm  extreme fatigue set in as attempted to walk up hill to put letter in mailbox (walk was under 2 miles but felt like I was just trudging)

 

12:45pm  ate some leftover tuna

 

1:00pm  sister & nephew came over, played with nephew for awhile.  Aware of pelvic pain moving to one side (left) and pain in left leg—felt like what growing pains used to feel like

 

3:00pm  rested in room for awhile, more hot packs.  Drank a lot of tea, water, some cranberry juice

 

4:00pm  sister brought back some Thai food.  Hungry but couldn’t eat, worried & obsessed with having some sort of reaction to food I don’t normally eat.  
 

4:30pm  started feeling panicky, sister & nephew packing up to leave.  Did alternate nostril breathing to try and feel air passing through nostrils, nephew clingy

 

5:00pm  cleaned up & did dishes, went back to room verging on panic attack.  Former therapist called and tried to carry on conversation with him while just trying to focus on breath

 

6:00pm  cried a little, pain in leg and left pelvis and flank a bit better.  Requested spiritual help from Universe to get through this.  
 

7:30pm  managed to eat some phad Thai.  Fed cat, cleaned litter, made fresh ginger tea.  
 

8:00pm  got into bed, checked email/texts, wrote to Kernol, did meditation and breathing in bed.  Hard time falling asleep, but got to sleep 9:45 or 10pm