Ox123: My Mirtazapine Story

[Ox123]

Hi all, I haven't been on here for quite some time as I have been very busy with life. I guess that is a good thing? I thought that now is a good time to write my success story since I have been off Mirtazapine for well over 1 year and haven't had any symptoms related to that for 1 year also.

Here is my introduction and journal I wrote to give you an idea of the journey I went through:

 

The problem:
So back in 2017 I was blighted with a severe case of anxiety, I won't go into how this was triggered as this could have been from a number of things that contributed to this happening including lifestyle, stress, partying too much, among other things. Initially i was prescribed Sertraline that literally sent me into panic after taking 1 tablet, this was then switched over to Mirt.
I was prescribed Mirtazapine to relieve some of the symptoms which initially worked (It helped me sleep and get my appetite back). However as any of you on this medication will know this drug is very unpredictable and can cause all kinds of mental and physical symptoms. 

Withdrawing + Symptoms
I was only on Mirtazapine for a total of 6 months which included 2 months of tapering (see journal for more information on this). Initially I found coming off the drug quite easy, some stomach pain, sleep pattern changes but not much more. After approximately 1 month my withdrawal symptoms began. I noticed that I was very emotionally unstable, meaning everyday worries/problems become huge anxiety triggers. This was even more worrying to me as I started to think that my inital 'anxiety' problem was starting to come back and it wasn't really the effects of Mirtazapine (I was wrong).

As stated, my symptoms started at the 5th week of complete withdrawal from Mirt and lasted almost 7 months. Yes 7 months! Thats longer than I was even on the medication. They were as follows:
- Severe waves of anxiety (some lasting up to 3 weeks)
- Weird OCD style thoughts, totally alien and not what I'd usually be thinking about
- Frequent migraines from exercising
- Weird joint pains (between fingers, also in my thorax)
- Rectal pain (this was very weird also, and would happen at random times)
- Random nose bleeds (worse during full dose but also happening during withdrawal)

There were more symptoms but I can't remember them all at this time, the anxiety however was the most problematic and painful. I kept a mood diary which allowed me to rate the severity of my anxiety and track any patterns. I also had psychotherapy privately which cost me alot, and actually wasn't useful to me due to the fact the professional was treating me for 'generalised anxiety disorder' rather than 'anti depressant withdrawal'. I cut this off during my taper which helped. I noticed that I was experiencing the typical 'waves, windows' scenario. Throughout the withdrawal process I experienced waves of anxiety approximately 5 weeks after each dose drop. This, to my knowledge, was my brain trying to re-adjust to not being medicated anymore. One thing I need to mention here is that - do not assume you are permanently screwed. I fell into this trap many times, breaking down into tears thinking "Is this how I'm gonna be forever?". This thought should be avoided, infact forcing positive thoughts to stop yourself catastrophising like this will help you get better.

Recovery
As it is for most, my recovery was very non-linear. I went through periods of little to no symptoms, then i could wake up with chronic anxiety and a whole host of physical symptoms to go with it. I almost gave up on my medication sobriety many times, including visits to the doctors only to be told i should re-instate. Thankfully I never re-instated once, I fully understand those of you who have re-instated though as withdrawal symptoms can be horrific and any form of relief is needed sometimes.

The one thing that kept me going was the fact that I was experiencing windows of no symptoms at all, this could range from 1 hour to 2 weeks of no symptoms. I remember the moments where I was coming to the end of a window and was about to fall into another wave, this was probably the worst part of all this. The fact that I was fully aware that my window was over and i was now about to deal with a period of chronic mental and physical pain for an unconfirmed amount of time. 

The eureka moment for me happened at about the 7th month of withdrawal, I was still experiencing anxiety spikes but they were literally lasting only one day, followed by many weeks of calmness. I remember thinking "Wow, I totally forgot I was withdrawing from medication, its been weeks since i felt bad!". I strongly believe a point of recovery is reached when you actually forget that you have been unwell, I guess the science behind this is that new pathways have been created in the brain. Over-writing the anxious pathways our brain has trained itself to regularly follow throughout this process.

Thoughts to take-away + Tips
Its now been 1 year since I experienced any anxiety symptoms, I don't even get the "Am I going to have a panic attack in this situation" anymore. That's a huge leap for me as I knew when that happened, I was about to go back into the anxious loop. At times, my symptoms were so strong I was thinking about throwing it all away and just handing myself over to be hospitalised. Somehow I managed to soldier on and keep fighting..
I really feel that I am back to my normal self which I remind myself of everyday. I actually think this whole process has made me stronger mentally as I know that there isn't much worse than what I went through. 

Tips
- Recovery is non-linear - don't set yourself a date to get better, it will happen naturally
- Negative thoughts actually slowed down my recovery, consciously forcing positive thoughts reminded my brain that it was still 'normal' and not 'permanently damaged' helped alot

- Positive self talk & speaking out loud to yourself allows your concerns to be aired if you are worried about what people will think
- Don't read any worst case scenarios online! These will make you feel worse and actually trigger the mental symptoms 
- Take it as slow as you possibly can. Withdraw slowly, don't kick yourself because you still feel sh^t 6 months/2 years later. Your full recovery date is set for you, nobody else
- Exercise, diet and sleep are of huge priority as they will give your brain/body what it needs to return back to it's healthy state

- Track your progress and remind yourself of your 'windows'. they will become longer over time

Please be aware I'm not a medical professional so any advice should only be followed through the advice of a medical professional.
I'm sending positive vibes to anyone reading this who are going through recovery, KEEP GOING!

 

 

[Ox123]

Hi is someone going to approve this post or have I done something wrong? 

[manymoretodays]

Thank you so much for your patience Ox123.  And adding to our Success Story Forum.

Over a year off Mirtazapine! 

 

I'm going to lock on up your introduction now, as is the custom here.

Ox's introduction can be found here:  Ox123: 6 months on Mirtazapine

 

Congratulations and thank you again.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

moderator manymoretodays(mmt)

 

[Altostrata]

What a terrific Success Story! Thanks @Ox123

[Ox123]

Thanks both. Apologies for the double post. Will be around to answer any questions on this thread. 

[readyfortheworld]

Congrats on recovering @Ox123.  How did you keep busy during withdrawal? Were you able to work? 

[Ox123]

10 hours ago, readyfortheworld said:

Congrats on recovering @Ox123.  How did you keep busy during withdrawal? Were you able to work? 

 

I had 2 weeks off work when it first happened as i was in complete dispair.

 

I then realised it didnt matter where I was the mental symptoms were just as bad at home or at work. So i would go jogging on a morning as sometimes this would reduce the intensity of the anxiety. At work Id feel like breaking down constantly but If I fed into this I would embarass myself so I just tried my hardest to keep busy.

 

Sometimes I would book holidays in if the anxiety became too intense so I could go home and sulk for a while - this self loathing thing was also not good though as it made my anxiety last longer.

 

One thing I would suggest is get out the house if you can. I noticed that if I got anxious in the house too much I would start to develop avoidance behaviour as Id associate my home with anxiety. Jogs outside, swimming, gym, hotel trips, holidays abroad all helped shed some of the symptoms.

[PH1]

Ox123, thanks for sharing your success story and so glad you are doing well!   God bless you!

[Armorall]

I'm glad to hear you are well! It's an inspiring story and I hope to follow in your footsteps. Do you feel that your CNS has stabilized?

[Ox123]

On 12/5/2019 at 9:33 PM, Armorall said:

I'm glad to hear you are well! It's an inspiring story and I hope to follow in your footsteps. Do you feel that your CNS has stabilized?

 

Hi yes this has returned back to normal. I think the only lasting effect is the really bad memories and the fact I know exactly what anxiety is now if i ever feel that way. Luckily ive not had any symptoms for over a year, worry no longer triggers anxiety and i know this as ive had many situations this past year which would normally trigger this like they would during withdrawal.

[Armorall]

Excellent, that is great news!

[Jav1]

Hi @Ox123I hope this message finds you well. Your story gives me hope.  I was on 30mg Mirt from Dec 2019 - Aug 2, 2020. Doc advised me to taper to 15mg for 30 days then 15mg every other day and my last pill was in early Nov 2020.  Withdrawal hit me on Dec 9, 2020 and I was forced to take 15mg and again on Dec 23.  But since then, I have not taken any AD and I have been in withdrawal.  The anxiety has subsided now but I am left with burning sensation in my body and last Mar 2, was hit with tinnitus in both ears!!!!  Did you get these??? The tinnitus is very disturbing as it's sooooo loud!! I need all the encouragement I can get right now.  It's been 3 long months.....

[rowdybaby098]

@JAV1 Hi,

Even Im having the same tinnitus problem. 

Initial days noise was too loud for me. As months passes it got reduced.

 

Now tinnitus become very negligible to bother for me. Hope for the best. 

 

 

 

 

[Jav1]

I took clonazepam and alprazolam for 1 month and then my psych crossed me over cold turkey to mirtazapine 30mg. I took that for 11 mos including the 3 months taper.  i was hit with withdrawals after 4-5 weeks. But my symptoms are more in line with benzo wd than mirt. Is it possible to feel wd effects from benzo after 11 mos on mirt? Could mirt have masked the symptoms of benzo withdrawal during that time?

[Ox123]

Checking back in with you guys. Been nearly 4 years since this happened? All things are good for me. I can confirm 1 million percent that Mirtazipine absolutely made me extremely ill (close to suicide), and I'm so glad to be away from that. I actually think that the state of the medical industry is focused purely around profit and not on treating the actual symptoms. 

Havent had any weird mental/physical problems since recovering. Anyone withdrawing from Mirtazipine, please see my journal. I can assure you - IT GETS BETTER.

Peace until the next time.

 

[Armorall]

Glad to hear from you. I used to read your success story everyday until I started getting better. Yes, late capitalist for-profit healthcare is alive and well. We must be vocal about this, especially from those who are doing well and can tell the story.  So wonderful that you continue to do well. 

[Phoenixmama]

I love your story @ox123 , I will use your story to get through my withdraw , I’m so happy for you ❤️

[Ox123]

Im glad you guys have found some benefit from my story. I occasionally log in to reply to messages on here.

Quick update on things: 
I haven't had any major anxiety for a long long time, so everything mental health related feels like it's in check. Lots of things in my life have changed since posting my journal and success story. I have had some troubles with a breakup, the potential loss of my home, exam stress along with work stress. On the plus side, I've come through all of those things unscathed. I have noticed my resilience to stress/anxiety has become much more robust after this journey. I have an ethos with things now that any stress I go through in life is in no way comparable or severe as the stress of going through a mental health battle / medication withdrawal. So that is something you all should benefit when you come out the other end.

Hope everyone is well and if not currently, it will be! Just have to be patient - time is the greatest healer.

[Armorall]

Thank you for posting!

[Phoenixmama]

😍 thanks for posting it means so much to all Of us 💜💜💜💜💜 @Ox123

[DebM]

Dear OX123,

 

THANK YOU!!! I experienced withdrawal from Lexapro during a Covid crisis and two deaths in our family. due to Covid. My PCP prescribed Mirtazapine at 15mg for sleep. I have taken it for a month and want to titrate immediately. I have enormous side-effects. I have disturbing tinnitus. I however I had started titrating off Lexapro as I was already doing so well prior to complications of supplements such as 5HTP potentiating dose and crisis. I figure I can hold at the dose of Lexapro and start with Mirtazapine. I am concerned that Mirtazapine is worse than Lexapro and I should switch to titrate of Mirtazapine. I have easily crushed Lexapro and use a scale to titrate. Did you use compounded Mirtazapine or did you crush the tablets? I figure if I crush the tablet enough the coating will be pulverized in the dose? 

You inspire me!!  I also use exercise, diet and an enormous amount of positive self-talk. I tell myself I am stronger than I know and when I walk each day I say I am strong, healthy, and I am recovering.  I resonate with your story and am encouraged.

 

Congratulations !!!! Thank you for taking the time to post!!!!!!!! May peace and love surround you!

 

Deb

 

[EasyThereCowboy]

If it's not too early for me to post, this thread gives me some hope. It's bad enough that I'm dealing with coming off venlafaxine (horrible), but also mirtazapine. California Rocket Fuel, eh? Anyway, the mirtazapine taper is also awful, but I do have those 'windows' of calm and confidence that help keep me going. Agree that not focusing on the worst-case is best. I've joined these forums to (hopefully) offer, as well as receive, positive updates.

 

After an awful taper of venlafaxine, my psychiatrist upped my dosage of mirtazapine from 15mg to 30mg per day. After two weeks of no perceived benefit (and, in fact, growing concerns) I chose to taper back down to 15mg. Even after only having been on the 30mg for two weeks, my CNS rebelled after about five days. I've been either stubborn, or tenacious, or a combination of both, but (after a one day dip to 7.5mg that preceded the current situation) have been holding at 15mg/day. My body may not be ready for the next step down for a couple of more weeks. As much as I would love to keep getting the mirt out of my system, I need to take it slowly.

 

I am going to do this. I am going to get this stuff out of my life.

[Guest]

Hello Ox123! Your story is very inspiring and renews my hopes. I'm 8 months away from full withdrawal, but I still have a lot of negative symptoms. My story is similar to yours even regarding the time of use, however I used larger doses. If you want to look at my history to compare, it's all reported in my post. I didn't have a withdrawal process as progressive as yours and I still used much higher doses (30mg and 45mg), I don't know how much the dose affects recovery, but it must certainly delay a lot. I wonder when you felt like you were finally free of withdrawal symptoms and your life was completely normal. Thank you so much for the report!! And congratulations on the recovery!

[HughesEddie]

Hello there Ox123 and all.

 

Seeing this topic after reading back over your original withdrawal journey has filled me with unbelievable hope and reassurance. I infact feel joyous, and am bordering on emotional almost wanting to cry with happiness and relief. Really reinforcing the feeling that I will one day get my old life back. I am currently a few days past the 6 month mark since I last took mirtazapine, and man, has it been an absolutely intense battle to say the least. A rough rough ride. EVERY, SINGLE, DAY. But the best part for me is my time on mirt is very similar to yours, and the tapering time also, as I also tapered too quickly. When I read the part about you thinking “will I be like this forever”, is exactly how I have felt so much. I am even similar to you in age. It is almost uncanny how similar my story is to your own. So to have read this has filled me with hope and happiness, and has made me ready to get up again, and battle on as there is light at the end of the tunnel for us all. 
 

Thank you so much.

 

Keep going people, we will beat this, for we are too strong for some pathetic pill that has been designed to make money. Let’s go 💪😎👊

 

 

[LukeUK]

Thank you for the success story.

 

I am 3.5 months off Mirtazapine after only 5 months of use and I have suffered very badly.

 

I hope that I will be a lot better in another couple of months just as you were.