Csilover: What to do? Effexor

[Csilover]

@brassmonkey Thank you so much for your help! I ordered the gemini, a small mortar and pestle, and I ordered 00 size gels? I can order the 0 if they are better. Sorry. I ordered before I saw this. I'm going to one of my old psychs that hands meds out like candy to see if she will maybe get me 50 mg and 25 mg seroquel so it's even every time. 

 

Is size 0 bigger?

 

My form of anhedonia is odd. I got it after the Paxil. I feel emotions. Overly emotional, crying.a lot, but I don't feel enjoyment or interest for anything I normally like (boys, music, hobbies, getting out of bed). I used to be passionate and obsessive about things. Always learning and interested. So it feels pieces of my identity are gone. Luckily I still care and feel love for my family and friends. I just feel like a very dull boring version of me that has anxiety and depression, which I normally don't have depression. I have had some windows at the beginning when I dropped, but now back to boring baseline. I should be grateful though, I'm in a better state than I was months ago. But I guess it was easier when I didn't feel anxiety or anything.

[Csilover]

May 31st, Sunday

 

8 am Have a cry, induced by me and my thoughts. 

9 am .5 Ativan

10 am Calm. 

12 pm Headaches. Anhedonic. 

1pm Weird feeling in spine. An Ache. 

2 pm calm. Out of it. Blank mind feeling. 

3-4 pm have a lot of anger. Throw things in my room. Calm myself down using breathing. Took a long time. 

5 pm Dark cloud, depression feeling

6 pm take epsom salt bath. Head pressure, nausea feeling. Upper back pain. 

7:30 pm eat Ians Organic, gluten free chicken nuggets and brocolli

8:00 feel delusional and in dream state. Spine and chest ache. 

9:00 pm 75 mg serowuel, .5 ativam

10:00 pm fall asleep. 

6:00 am wake up

[Altostrata]

You're doing pretty well. You need to talk with your therapist about why you get angry.

[brassmonkey]

The "00" capsules are larger than the "0", but it doesn't make a lot of difference.

[Shep]

On 6/1/2020 at 5:25 AM, Shep said:

You may want to consider a 10% reduction.  Since you're taking a total of 1 mg Ativan daily, 10% would be a 0.1 mg reduction. Since you wish to only reduce the morning dose, you would take 0.4 mg in the morning and 0.5 mg in the evening. 

 

Csilover, how do you feel about this plan? Do you feel ready? Glad to see you working with Brassmonkey on learning how to use a scale. You'll be a pro in no time. 

[Csilover]

9 am took .5 Ativan

10 am Anxiety stomach

11 am Calm down

1 pm calm

4-6 pm panic, anxiety

7 pm Eat Paleo turkey bacon and eggs

8 pm Epsom Salt bath

8:30 pm Body pain, stomach pain, feel out of it, delirious feelings. Feel like in a haze.

9:00 pm 75 mg Seroquel, .5 Ativan. Eat some homemade popcorn.

10:00 pm Fell Asleep

Slept really well.

7 am Wake up without anxiety

8 am Eat 2 boiled eggs, banana and berries. 

 

[Csilover]

@Shep  I am feeling okay. I think the main thing is keeping myself calm. The days I get upset, I don't sleep well. I may give it a week before I start tapering. So I can get some good sleep and get an idea of how the scale and stuff works.

 

@brassmonkey  I canceled the order and got the 0's! My Gemini scale and gelatin capsules will be arriving tomorrow, along with my mortar and pestle.

 

@Altostrata  I will speak with her about it.

[Csilover]

I have romantic dreams where I don’t “feel the feelings” while I’m dreaming, but I will have a libido in my dreams And feel those feelings in my dreams. In real life I have no libido but in my dreams I do. Is that a sign of recovery? I find it so odd

[Csilover]

June 2, 2020

7 am woke without anxiety

8 am Ate eggs, banana and berries.

9 am took .5 Ativan. Tingling in forehead and nose. Have a cry.

11 am talk to a friend for a while. Feel a lot better. Able to crack joes.

12 pm calm - eat carrots and sweet potato crackers

1 pm feel calm

2 pm forehead pain. Headache.

5 pm anxiety

7 eat Ian's organic chicken nuggets

9 pm take 75 mg seroquel and .5 Ativan

10 pm fall asleep.

7 am wake up. Sleep well

[Csilover]

I am getting an appointment with Dr. Pundy, so he can hopefully overwatch my taper and prescribe the medicines I need.  @Altostrata

[Altostrata]

Please let us know about your meeting with Dr. Pundy.

[Csilover]

@Altostrata will do! Our appointment is next Tuesday. 

[Csilover]

Hi everyone! Our appt was actually moved to this Friday. Yay! While using my gemini, I've found that the doses I have been taking of seroquel vary by ALOT. Maybe could be causing some of my issues? So, I'm going to go to my lady that hands em out like candy today and see if she will give me the 50's to taper. I can measure them out too, but if I can get the 50's, it will be one less thing to grind up in the mean time.  If not, I will ask Dr. Pundy to. 

 

I ordered some funnels and pill spoons, because I tried to experiment with the seroquel on the scale and it was really difficult to get the right amount in. Any tips you have for me would be great. 

 

@brassmonkey @Shep @Altostrata

[Altostrata]

Are you cutting a Seroquel tablet to take 75mg? If so, you may want to weigh the pieces to make sure they're 1/2 a tablet.

[Csilover]

I cut 50 mg (1/4) of the 200 mg and take a whole  25 mg

I measured the average weight of the 200s and divided it. Some I’m try to get to .128 g every time with the cuts

 

@Altostrata

[Altostrata]

Yes, getting a prescription for 50mg Seroquel to take with the 25mg tablet will make your doses more consistent.

[Csilover]

8 am high anxiety. Eat eggs and fruit 
9 am take .5 ativan

10 am feel calm

11 am calm

12 pm anxiety 

1 pm anxiety 

5 pm anxiety
7 go get gas and spill some on keychains. Get a big wiff of it. Throw away keychain. My initial reaction was to panic. But calmed myself down and have forgot about it.

8 pm vision looked clearer. The landscape and everything looked beautiful. Head pressure really bad. Can’t pop ears. Feel out of it.

9 pm take 75 mg (got the 50 tablets) seroquel and .5 Ativan 

10 pm fall asleep

Sleep well. Have happy nice dreams.

6:30 am woke up

7 fell back asleep

7:30 wake up anxious. Cry 

8 am eat eggs fruit and hashbrowns

9 am take .5 ativan. 
10 calm

 

[Csilover]

Re-emerging Symptoms after Reaction And subsequent drugging (mid April 2020) 

 

- anhedonia 

- headaches

- vision blurry 

- low motivation/apathy/ depression

- couldn’t tell who I found attractive, sexual aversion, no libido/romantic feel
- disconnected from others

- less empathy

- no creativity 

- dulled personality/blank mind

- anxiety

- GI issues

- sleep issues 

- hypersensitivity

 

Now 

anhedonia: 

improved a lot. While I feel very flat. I can enjoy things and laugh at stuff that I find funny. My dog was being silly the other day and cracked me up. I loved watching her play with her toys. 

headaches:

Improved. Still get head pressure, but not nearly as bad as they were. When I had the reaction, it felt like an explosion in my forehead and that someone kept punching it inside my head. 

Vision: 

Much better. Still get floaters but it seems a lot clearer. 

Low Motivation/Apathy/depression: 

Unfortunaly worsened. I’ve had some windows, so that’s good. Normally I’m constantly researching things, listening to music and getting hooked on tv shows and YouTube. I haven’t had that in a while. I rarely feel a compelling force to do anything I used to like. Wasn’t depressed before this. I did want to listen to a song the other day, so I count that as healing! I had a fleeting moment of wanting to read a novel too. 

couldn’t tell who I found attractive, sexual aversion, no libido/romantic feels: 

improved! However slight. I’m trying to note improvements. I noticed someone was attractive in television the other night and had a moment of thinking about romance. I can tell who is attractive now. Had short windows of libido as well. 

disconnected from others: 

comes and goes. I’ll have small moments where I feel motivated to speak to a friend or a family member. I do feel love and affection for family And friends which I’m grateful for. Hugs make me feel warm and fuzzy which is good. most of the time don’t want to talk to anyone. I’m starting to remember how some emotions feel when I think about them.
 

less empathy: 

greatly improved. I cried during a sad video the other day. 
 

No creativity: 

comes and goes in waves. Typically not feeling very creative. Normally I’m always coming up with ideas of things I want to do, places I want to see. Mostly waves, very few windows of this. 
 

Dulled Personality/ blank mind:

80 percent of the time, I feel dull and blank, 20 percent I see bits of my personality come out. Worsened since reaction.
 

Anxiety:

Comes and goes in waves 

 

GI issues: 

improved greatly. I do find I get sick easier. But I go to the bathroom regularly now

 

Sleep issues:

improving. I’m also yawning during the day and feeling sleepy. Kind of nice after many months of not sleeping. But I’m also on two tranquilizers lol

 

Hypersensitivity:

I still get very overwhelmed around people. And get super anxious especially if they talk with me a lot. Never been that way before. I also watched a crime documentary and it gave me chills and ramped up my system. Decided not to do that anymore. 

[Csilover]

 I found a site following the progress of a few people with an adverse reaction and their recovery. It’s encouraging to see.

 

https://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/13607-adverse-reaction-to-prozac-still-recovering/#comments

[Csilover]

My mom said “this is not how a normal person acts” when I was crying by myself in my room. Said I needed to be somewhere

[Altostrata]

You might tell your mom you would very much like her to mind her own business. You are acting like a normal person. You cry when you are unhappy.

[Csilover]

Recovery & Renewal by Baylissa is sooo good. I wish I would have had it when this all happened. I probably wouldn’t have had to be hospitalized if i had this. On the bright side, my therapist just bought it so we can go through it together. She is an angel 👼 I’m very lucky to have a therapist who seeks to understand my situation. My first therapist just told me I had major depression when I went in there trying to explain withdrawal. Belittled me and told me I wouldn’t get better without meds. 

Thank you @Altostrata ❤️

[Altostrata]

You're welcome, Csi. Lots of love for you here.

[Csilover]

9 am .5 ativan 

10 am calm

11 calm 

12 calm

1-3overwhelmed cry. Do a paint by number to distract myself. 
4-6 talk to therapist feel better

7 pm  steak and sweet potato

8 pm take bath

9 pm 75 mg seroquel and .5 Ativan 

10 fall asleep

6:30 am wake with anxiety. Cry
8 am eat eggs, bananas and berries

9 am .5 ativan. Cry 

 

 

I speak with Dr. Pundy tonight! Will let you know when the call is finished 

[Altostrata]

Csi, what are you thinking of when you're crying?

[Csilover]

@Altostrata Usually it comes out of nowhere, then the thoughts come along. I worry about the future. I made a  book where I write my thought and why it's incorrect and it has helped me a lot when I get like this. Sometimes I will just uncontrollably cry and I will just start to paint. 

[Csilover]

Soo. I had my appointment with Dr. Pundy. He was very kind and friendly and helped me with some breathing techniques. However, he told me that what I am dealing with and have been dealing with is an anxiety disorder. He didn't really act like he thought anything was withdrawal. He did acknowledge the adverse reactions and thought they were odd, but really honed in on it being my anxiety. He said most of my symptoms are likely because I'm on two tranquilizers, which makes sense. He told me I could drop seroquel slowly over a period of 6 weeks, halting it,  he said that he wants me to drop the seroquel first since it is the most sedating. He also said after that to take the 1/2 tablet every ten days of Ativan. 

I said "I've had a rough year." and he said "sound like it. It's the anxiety disorder seems to be how you got into everything." So I feel like he didn't really believe me, but that's fine, but was very friendly and kind and seemed to really care. 

What do you think? 
@Shep @brassmonkey

@Altostrata

[Altostrata]

Did Dr. Pundy say you were anxious because you were taking 2 anxiety drugs? What symptoms was he referring to?

 

It's true depression can be a side effect of Ativan.

 

18 minutes ago, Csilover said:

He also said after that to take the 1/2 tablet every ten days of Ativan. 

 

What does this mean?

 

I do not think you're suffering from withdrawal symptoms right now. Doctors get confused when you talk to them about withdrawal symptoms.

 

I am dubious about the anxiety disorder. Your work with your therapist is much more important than anything he told you.

 

When you worry about the future, what are you thinking? That is something to talk about with your therapist.

 

When do you graduate from high school? Do you have plans after that?

[Csilover]

Also Thank you @Altostrata  for the kind message. Means a lot ❤️

[Csilover]

@Altostrata he was referring to my past with anxiety and I think said the issues I have now are anxiety and my disorder. Which I did have even before this, but it was mostly social anxiety. I never had random crying spells like this, except for when I was on Klonopin for a short period in the past. Depression I hadn’t had before.  He said the reason I’m feeling dull and sedated is because of the drugs. I don’t know if he thinks the anxiety is because of the drugs. 
he said to cut the Ativan dose down a half tablet every ten days 
 

Next year! I want to be able to move on with my life and fear that I will always feel this dull and depressed, fear I won’t be able to fall in love,  but I’m trying to change these thoughts and not get too ahead. I just feel like I have a blank mind and it’s scary. 
 

 

[Csilover]

12 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

I do not think you're suffering from withdrawal symptoms right now.

do you think it’s partially the adverse reaction or that the drugs I’m on are causing most of my symptoms? 

[Altostrata]

1 minute ago, Csilover said:

He said the reason I’m feeling dull and sedated is because of the drugs.

 

This is probably true.

 

I would take this "disorder" thing with a grain of salt.

 

You didn't say before that Klonopin made you cry.

 

It makes sense to gradually decrease the Seroquel. We would say 6 weeks is kind of fast. When you get the 25mg tablets, you could make one into a liquid and start tapering by 10%, or 7.5mg, see how that goes. You can probably take off the first 25mg fairly quickly, but the rest might need to be slower.

 

 

[Csilover]

@Altostrata sorry I forgot to mention that. I’ve been on so many drugs. Klonopin made me cry out of nowhere and have lots of anxiety. I have a MTHR mutation, which I guess makes Benzos paradoxical for me?

 

i have the 25 mg tablets and the 50s! The one who hands me out like candy gave them to me. She was also more conservative and worried about me. I was suprised. She said she wants me to go super slow. No more than .25 cuts of ativan a month. Also to go super slow with seroquel. He said he wants me to go slow with seroquel but that’s his definition of slow I guess

[Csilover]

So do you think I could cut a goof chunk of seroquel if I do it soon?
 

or 1/8 of the Ativan?

 

@Altostrata

[Altostrata]

Well, the conservative doctor sounds like maybe you won her over. Next time you see her, tell her you're a teenager with teen angst. When do you graduate from high school?

 

Yes, I'd say you could start reducing Seroquel. You'd make a liquid, see Tips for tapering off Seroquel (quetiapine)

 

You've got your graduated cylinder and oral syringe?

[Csilover]

I graduate 2021! She seems to be the one to go to and I know she will keep giving me the medicine I need until I am able to get off. 

I have a scale, mortar and pestle and pills? I didn’t know I was supposed to order that. I’m sorry  could the scale be used? 

 

@Altostrata