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MarieR: 17 months off escitalopram


MarieR

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Posted (edited)

Hello,

First let me say how much I appreciate all that is being done by those in this forum. I've been desperate for information since going off SSRIs and this site has been invaluable. I wish I would have known about you all before I did the "taper" as recommended by my doctor, but hindsight is 20/20 as they say. I'm committed to staying off of the meds, though it isn't always easy. I miss what felt like "normal" so much. I won't say that every day is awful, but typically a good part of every day typically is, if that makes sense. I think that's the hardest thing for me...I don't feel like I have any solid ground to rest on. A day will begin ok, but you never know when overwhelming fear/anxiety or ugly thoughts will just show up out of nowhere. Or, any of the current physical symptoms: muscle aches, random body pain, pressure by my eyes, though usually my left eye, nausea or lack of appetite will show up. Sometimes I'll just feel a little down, but then I'll go through days where I truly feel like I'm having a major existential crisis and have to hurry up and figure it all out because the end of my life can't be that far away, based on how I feel. Then, a few hours will pass and I'll look back on how I was thinking or feeling and think it was all so weird because it just seems like a dream. It doesn't help we're dealing with Covid and the main things that give my life structure and purpose are working with people at church and school...two things that currently aren't available. My family lives a ways away, though I talk to and chat with them often. They really care, but they use and support the use of psychotropic drugs and I think are getting tired of me suffering for so long and not just going back on the meds, so I have to be careful not to wear out my welcome with them. : ) I am taking a mindfulness based stress reduction course online and also doing DBT therapy, and while these are great assets, they don't seem to touch  the emotional symptoms when they are active. I would love to hear from others who are off meds as long as I have been and are still having symptoms. It just seems that I shouldn't still be struggling with these and that adds to my anxiety. I want to remain positive, but it's really hard. Thanks for any advice you could give!

Edited by Gridley

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

  • Moderator Emeritus
Posted

Welcome to SA, MarieR.

 

Let me start out by saying that you will heal and that it's a very encouraging sign that parts of your day are okay.  Having symptoms 17 months out is not at all uncommon and is known as protracted withdrawal or paws.  So put your mind at ease on that score: what you're experiencing at this stage is "normal" in the world of withdrawal and no cause for anxiety.  

 

It's good you're doing the mindfulness course and working to reduce stress.  Here are some basic suggestions to help you as you heal: eat a healthy diet, avoid stress as much as possible, avoid caffeine, alcohol and sugar.  It varies according to the individual, but mild exercise (a 30 minute walk in nature) is often better than strenuous exercise, which can be too stimulating.  Take a look at the links in the following link to see which on the non-drug techniques might be helpful to you.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

So that you have a better idea of what you're experiencing, here is some information of withdrawal and healing.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

When we take psychiatric  medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

Brain Remodelling 

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

 

 

 

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Oct 15: 3.2mg

Taper is 96% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase, L-Glutamine, milk thistle, choline


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice. It is information based on my own experience as well as that of other members who have survived these drugs.

Posted

Thank you for your quick response to my post. One of the hard things is feeling alone in this process. Getting a reply on a Sunday afternoon was not expected, and means more than I can say.

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

  • ChessieCat changed the title to MarieR: 17 months off escitalopram
Posted

@Gridley

As you may remember from my initial post, I quit escitalopram 20 mg after 8 years in March of 2019 after a 2 month "taper" under my doctor's supervision. She felt I had been on too long and wanted me to try to come off, and as I'd gone through menopause and life had settled down for me, she felt this was a good time. I had minor flu-like symptoms and minor brain zaps for a few months and then in July of 2019 the anxiety/terror/panic symptoms started. They would come and go. Additionally, physical symptoms: tintinitis, random body aches and pains, sweats, nausea, face and ear pressure, pins and needles sensations in arms, come and go as well. In March of this year I sold my home to downsize, moved, broke my ankle and covid started which kept me from my activities in church and teaching on campus which I do part time. They symptoms, especially the anxiety/panic ones have become more strong since then, though they continue to come and go. Right now I have half days that are pretty good and the other half has some challenge--some more than others. I've been counseling for CBT and taking a course on mindfulness...but as you know these things don't often touch the neuroemotions and some of the panic/anxiety. I'm managing to get through so far. Today I had to work on preparing two online courses for availability by noon and was under a lot of pressure. My symptoms were really challenging. I made the deadline, but it got me wondering...is it too late to reinstate a small amount of the med (5mg?) try to get some stability and retry the tapering in a more knowledgeable way? Or is it too late for that and is my best bet to just keep moving forward?  If I think of it a day at a time I feel I can still do it. But if I think that ti could be months or even years yet, that feels overwhelming. Thoughts? I appreciate all that SA does!

 

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

  • Moderator Emeritus
Posted
45 minutes ago, MarieR said:

s it too late to reinstate a small amount of the med

A reinstatement 17 months out would be risky.  There's a chance it might help but it could make things worse.  It sounds from your post like you're definitely healing and coping well with your symptoms.  Plus you have a very good attitude.   I wouldn't think about how long it might take, just do it, as you say, a day at a time.  

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Oct 15: 3.2mg

Taper is 96% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase, L-Glutamine, milk thistle, choline


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice. It is information based on my own experience as well as that of other members who have survived these drugs.

Posted

Thank you for the reassurance. It means much!

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

  • 2 months later...
Posted

So, I'm 19 months out from my last escitalopram dose. I've been dealing with high levels of health anxiety around physical symptoms and feeling pretty depressed. It's hard to tell if it's from being in isolation so long (I've been almost physically alone at home since March), withdrawal, or even if things like the dental work I had done 6 weeks ago resulting in nerve damage and extra shots of novocain. The election is coming and so is daylight savings time and the dark. Sigh. I try to get out, walk, read and I do teach two online classes, but I still have plenty of time for my mind to be constantly chattering away about how unwell I feel and how it must be something serious. I had bloodwork done today for my annual physical on Monday and I'm really stressed about that. One of the things that is on my mind is that I had set this appointment as the one where I would decide if I could continue to stay off meds. I desperately want to. I've made it so far. But, if this is all the better I'm going to get, I'm not sure what the point is. I don't know that I could live this way for the rest of my life, but I don't want the meds. AND I don't know if I might feel better when life gets back to "normal" whenever that is. Does anyone have thoughts for me?

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

  • Moderator Emeritus
Posted
16 minutes ago, MarieR said:

if this is all the better I'm going to get, I'm not sure what the point is. I don't know that I could live this way for the rest of my life, but I don't want the meds. AND I don't know if I might feel better when life gets back to "normal" whenever that is. Does anyone have thoughts for me?

It does take a while but but your body is healing every moment and loving getting back to the real you without the interference of drugs.   Those neurotransmitters are coming back on-line and your nervous system is recalibrating. You will get better and you won't have to live this way for the rest of your life.  To me, after you've gotten this far without meds, it would be a shame to go back on them--and there's absolutely no guarantee that going back on a drug will improve your life.  It's no wonder you're feeling low since you've been so isolated, but this isn't going to last forever.  I would urge you to stay the course. Nineteen months drug-free is a big accomplishment that you don't want to see you throw away.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Oct 15: 3.2mg

Taper is 96% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase, L-Glutamine, milk thistle, choline


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice. It is information based on my own experience as well as that of other members who have survived these drugs.

Posted

Thank you! I'm so sorry that I accidentally responded to the email and apologize for any inconvenience that may have caused. You are so correct in reminding me that even if I were to go back on meds that it wouldn't necessarily fix what's bothering me. And I went off because I finally understood the health consequences...why would I want to do that again. It helps, too, that you sense there still could be room for healing. When looking too closely for too long a how one is feeling, it isn't helpful. Someone from a distance saying something brings new light. Much appreciated.

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

Posted

Thank you so much for your response. You don't sound preachy at all! I asked for thoughts and you shared some excellent ones. And I also appreciate the time you took to respond to me. It all means more than you can know.

I've also been a worry wart from the age of 5, and I can remember how it all started. Health anxiety has been my worry of choice and it's been wired into my brain so deeply that it often feels like it has a life of its own! During the 8 years I was on meds it settled way down, but it dawned on me that I also had other feelings that had settled way down, and decided it was time to come off the meds and see who I was. It seems like the anxiety is still there, but way more vocal and intrusive than before meds. I've had a meditation practice for years, but you are so right that it doesn't help much when things are really worked up. I did take a mindfulness based stress reduction course online this summer. It helped a little. Am currently enrolled in The Little School of Big Change with Dr. Amy Johnson. The 3P philosophy is interesting and I think has some answers for me as I continue to learn this. I take my thinking way too seriously and believe it and my emotions are trying to tell me awful things about the future. In actuality, it's probably more that my brain is just healing and that can feel disruptive. I prefer believing that over thinking I have a brain tumor. ; )

Anyway, know that I will take your advice to heart. If you think of anything else, please feel free to share. It's nice hearing from others.

Have a wonderful day!

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

Posted

Just back from my annual physical. Talking to doctor about where things are currently at with my mental health as it relates to isolation specifically and my wish to not go back on SSRIs. She's concerned that the pandemic may take another 6 months or so and is suggesting I consider something like buspar to help me get traction with the anxiety. Thoughts anyone? 

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

  • Moderator Emeritus
Posted

@MarieR

 

Here's our thread on Buspar.

 

Tips for tapering off busipirone (Buspar)

 

If you started it, you would have to taper off it, just like with other psychiatric drugs.  This is not an innocuous drug.  

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Oct 15: 3.2mg

Taper is 96% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase, L-Glutamine, milk thistle, choline


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice. It is information based on my own experience as well as that of other members who have survived these drugs.

Posted

Thank you! I feel like making decisions about this is so hard. I love my doctor...she's thoughtful, careful and does not just want to push drugs. She is the one who suggested I should come off the SSRIs after 8 years and gave me good reasons to do so. She's been very supportive. But she doesn't know the information that is available here. She feels that I've been working too hard for too long and that the anxiety, fueled by the covid isolation is interfering with living my best life and it could make it easier. I've had a pretty miserable past 6 months and having a break from the constant intrusive thoughts and panic/fear is so tempting. BUT I don't want to lose the hard fought for ground I've gained, either. I did read the information on buspar that's in the forum, but a lot of it is more medically-centered than I have the background to understand. I get that I'd have to wean off. I'm wondering if the potential vacation from anxiety that could result would be worth it...I almost feel like if I could just get out of the cycle for a little somehow that it would be easier to use the tools and strategies that I've been gaining, especially the 3Ps inside-out ideas.  I am fully willing to stay the course, but I'm human and with no real end in sight I'm tempted. Sigh.

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

Posted

Gosh I sound like a whiner, don't I?? Sorry! 🙂

 

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

  • Moderator Emeritus
Posted

If it was me I would be trying non drug ways before resorting to a psychiatric drug.  As Gridley said it is not an innocuous drug.

 

This following is from a post which I made to a new member who was researching because they were considering starting Lexapro for social anxiety.

 

The website drugs.com is a good place to get information about drugs including drug interactions.

 

Q:  Have you seen a counsellor who can teach you skills to help overcome your anxiety?

 

SA strongly encourages our members to learn and to use Non-drug techniques.  Not many people are taught/learn life coping skills, self soothing techniques, self talk and CBT etc.  I'm 63 and have only learned most of these types of skills in the last 5 or so years.  I really wish that I had learned them when I was young.

 

This site has some excellent self help resources (scroll down for links to various topics) including the First Aid for Panic mp3s:

 

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes) Female voice - getselfhelp.co.uk
 
Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes) Male voice - getselfhelp.co.uk

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/selfhelp.htm

 

Dr Claire Weekes was an Australia doctor who suffered from and taught ways to cope with anxiety:

 

dr-claire-weekes-method

 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes

 

I suggest that you watch these videos.  Gwen Olsen was a pharmaceutical representative for 15 years:

 

Interview:  Confessions of an Rx Drug Pusher (51 minutes Gwen Olsen - ex pharmaceutical representative)
 
 
Two very good books are:
  • Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker - this book explains the history of psychiatric drugs
  • Your Drug May Be Your Problem by Dr Peter Breggin
 
This information really surprised me:
 
Antidepressants and the Placebo Effect by Irving Kirsch (link to full article)

Abstract:

Antidepressants are supposed to work by fixing a chemical imbalance, specifically, a lack of serotonin in the brain.  Indeed, their supposed effectiveness is the primary evidence for the chemical imbalance theory.  But analyses of the published data and the unpublished data that were hidden by drug companies reveals that most (if not all) of the benefits are due to the placebo effect.  Some antidepressants increase serotonin levels, some decrease it, and some have no effect at all on serotonin.  Nevertheless, they all show the same therapeutic benefit.  Even the small statistical difference between antidepressants and placebos may be an enhanced placebo effect, due to the fact that most patients and doctors in clinical trials successfully break blind.  The serotonin theory is as close as any theory in the history of science to having been proved wrong.  Instead of curing depression, popular antidepressants may induce a biological vulnerability making people more likely to become depressed in the future.

Excerpt:

How Did These Drugs Get Approved?
....
The FDA requires two adequately conducted clinical trials showing a significant difference between drug and placebo.  But there is a loophole:  there is no limit to the number of trials that can be conducted in search of these two significant trials.  Trials showing negative results simply do not count.  Furthermore, the clinical significance of the findings is not considered.  All that matters is that the results are statistically significant.
....
(NB:  emphasis in abstract and excerpt are mine)
 
_________________________________________________________________________________
 

Sadly we have generally be brought up to believe that doctors know what they are doing.  But this is not the case.  The drug companies are heavily involved in and that is usually were the doctors get then information about the drugs.  And of course a drug company is a business and has shareholders so they need to make money.

 

This new podcast has just been made available that you might find interesting:

 

INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder

 

 

 

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

  • Moderator Emeritus
Posted
12 hours ago, MarieR said:

I'm wondering if the potential vacation from anxiety that could result would be worth it

 

We'd all like a quick fix. 

 

I suggest you check out this topic.  The first post has links to sub topics.

 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

Do you take Magnesium?  I have found it very helpful to reduce my anxiety.  There have been several times that I have run out and each time I have restarted it I have noticed the difference.  It's best to take it throughout the day.  And if you take calcium they need to be 2 hours apart otherwise the calcium cancels the calming effect.  Also ensure you get a product that does not contain B vitamins which can be activating, especially B6.

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

Posted

Hello ChessieCat,

First I want you to know how much I appreciate your response and all of the resources and ideas you've provided. I don't know where I'd be right now if this site wasn't available. In the past year and a half of escitalopram withdrawal I've spent hours and hours going through the resources. I've watched the movies, read the books and combed through the forums. I've discovered Claire Weeks, Peter Breggin and Dr. Amy Johnson through the postings. (Though I WISH I would have found the site before my 6 week "taper.")

For the past decade I've had a yoga and meditation practice. I have been vegetarian for a few years and eat mostly organic foods for the past 25 years. I don't drink. I do take a multivitamin and magnesium. Those are the only supplements I take. I walk regularly, I've been in counseling weekly since April with a therapist specializing in CBT. I've been coached a few times by MIchael Preibe. This summer I took a course in mindfulness-based stress reduction through the U of M. I'm currently enrolled in Dr. Amy Johnson's Little School of Big Change and am studying the 3P paradigm, and  reading books by Nicola Bird, Michael Neill, and Dicken Bettinger. I reread a lot of Tolle and Singer. I'm saying all of this not to sound like I know it all, as well, duh, I don't. But that I AM trying. And that I'm not sitting around waiting for the miracle cure. And as for everyone wanting a break from anxiety, yup I totally get that, too. 

But here's where I'm struggling. I've intellectualized all of the work I'm doing. I know the stuff and believe it. I don't trust pharma companies. I don't trust meds. But, the 8 years I was on escitalopram gave me the gift of a quieter mind...at a high cost, but for the first time in 50 years I could relax. And IF I wasn't so isolated I don't think I'd be considering another med use, as I would have the distraction of all of the outside activities I appreciate--working with people at church and at the university...making and doing things that support others. Being alone most of the time has started a strange shift of sliding inward into myself. And I've started to develop obsessive thinking about myself to a point that it feels raw. I want to believe that this is yet another wave and that people feel all of this longer than the 19 month mark that I just passed. But, while I know that doctors don't know enough about this, I also trust mine. She's been in my life a long time and truly wants all the best for me. And she seems very skeptical that this is another wave. She is concerned about my family history of mental illness. She'd like to see me get some traction to perhaps allow for all I've learned in the past years to become things I truly know and can deeply internalize. And she thinks trying this med might give me that, at least until the pandemic resolves. 

The bottom line is that I hold all of you in this same kind of high regard. I have seen over and over again the passion and commitment that you all have for supporting those of us who are struggling. So please don't see what I've written above as arguing with you. It isn't. I'm just trying to put my thoughts on paper to see them and then share them with you as another set of eyes. I am not going to rush this decision, but I will have to decide. And it makes me feel sick.

Again, I am sending you cyber hugs and much appreciation for all of your work. If you see anything in all of this that I'm missing, please, oh please let me know. I value your input!

Lynn

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

  • Mentor
Posted

Hi Marie

 

As Gridley and Chessie have said, recovery takes time.  It took me about three years from the start of WD to where I could say I recovered.  There were times when I came within a hair's breath of going back on Paxil, but I knew it would have been, at best, a temporary reprieve.  Also, like you, I read all the book and did all the practices, but they didn't make much of a dent--as you said, I accepted the concepts on an intellectual level but just couldn't seem to internalize them.  

 

What turned things around for me was a support site like this, called paxilprogress.org.  Just being able to share my worries and concerns with others really helped.  I also found a therapist who practiced EMDR and CBT, and gave me good practical advice for dealing with the ruminations and catastrophic thinking on a day-to-day basis.  Reinstating or taking a new drug is a personal decision and I don't believe in judging others for their choices; we all suffer uniquely and find our own paths to recovery.  My only advice is to accept that a medication only masks the behavioral symptoms for a while.  The best way to handle these issues is by finding the right coping tools.  I compare anxiety, depression and OCD to a chronic condition like diabetes.  There may not be a permanent "cure" but we can learn ways to manage it and live happy fulfilling lives.  It sounds like you have the right attitude--don't give up on yourself!

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

Posted

Thank you. Truth be told, I'm tired of trying so hard. And maybe the secret is to stop trying and table the med decision and just see what happens. I fall into the hole over and over again of thinking things will always feel this way and how will I manage feeling this way the rest of my life. But what if I don't? I can promise I won't give up on myself! Appreciating your encouragement!💜

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

  • Mentor
Posted
2 hours ago, MarieR said:

Truth be told, I'm tired of trying so hard. And maybe the secret is to stop trying and table the med decision and just see what happens

Yes!  Trying to relax almost never works!   It just gives catastrophic thinking more power.  Your body is feeling anxious and your mind wants to find a reason, so it generates anxious thoughts.  A good analogy I heard was that anxious and catastrophic thoughts are like a 10-pound ball you're carrying around.   You really want to put the ball down somewhere, so you attribute it to guilt about past mistakes or health anxiety or any kind of crisis.  All you do is move the ball from one issue to another.   The real answer is to make the ball smaller so its not so bothersome.  You do that through coping and managing your negative thinking.   It sounds so simple but is so difficult to put into practice.  But you can do it!

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

Posted

Thank you so much. The visual of the 10-pound ball really helps!

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

  • 3 weeks later...
  • Mentor
Posted

@MarieR I empathise completely. I’m 23 months post zero and going through the same thought process. I even got a new prescription for my SSRI which is sitting unopened. I look back on my last year on SSRIs as better than how I feel now, but I know I wasn’t happy then because of the side effects, emotional numbing and Heath risks. My Son reminded me of the bad times on the SSRI and said on my good days I’m much nicer and better than when I was on them. 

 

I’m in a better place in my mind. I think I’ve truly accepted my situation. If it takes another year or even 2 years it’s better than resetting the clock and going back on. healing will happen. The long game is better than going back on them. We have to be over half way on our journeys. 

50 mg Sertraline Nov 2016 to Dec 2016

100 mg Sertraline Jan - March 2017

50 mg Sertraline April - June 2017

25 mg Sertraline July 2017 - Sept 2018

12.5 mg Sertraline Oct 2018

0 mg Nov 1 2018

  • 4 weeks later...
  • Mentor
Posted

Dear @MarieR, I read your story and your last posts on Mimi79's topic. I'm very happy you decided to face your journey and to find new strategies good for you. You gave hope also to me so... thank you! ☺️

July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins

After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips

January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg).

June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth

 

Current supplement:

- saffron pill (20 mg) + vit. E, omega 3 (EPA + DHA) 2g, magnesium bisglycinate 300 mg, iron , vitamin D3 (2500ui) +K7 (50 ui), vitamin C (1g) + quercitin (25 mg), theanine (as necessary).

 

Try meditating / mindfulness, walking every day, CBT/ACT, massage.

 

"E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again")

(Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139)

Posted

Hello Leila,

Well one thing is for sure...there's plenty of hope! Wishing you a lovely day,

Lynn

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

  • Moderator Emeritus
Posted

Hi MarieR,

I wanted to swing by and say hello fellow Lexapro/escitalopram survivor.

 

I am loving your posts as well, and your supportive nature.

 

Yes.....me too, once I quit trying so hard, or cease my battles with myself sometimes, oh how life can get better.

It is though, sometimes real hard the first year or so out.  WD.  Ugh.

 

Best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022, and again finally 5/25/24.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

Posted

Hello mmt,

Thank you for your message. It does my heart good to hear from others who understand how difficult this experience can be. It will be two years for me in March, and it's still difficult a lot of the time. But, the only way is forward. I wish I would have known about SA when I quit escitalopram. But, regardless, I'm so glad I found you all when I did. The support, knowledge, and guidance offered here is what kept me from just giving up and going back. Wishing you a wonderful holiday season,

Lynn

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

  • 1 month later...
Posted

Hello all,

I'm just a month shy of two years off of Lexapro and I'm still dealing with physical and emotional symptoms of withdrawal. I had really hoped by now that I'd be feeling more "normal." I know I read once that 91 weeks was the average for healing from Lexapro withdrawal, and I've passed that point. Does anyone have any encouragement for me? I could sure use some.

Thanks!

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

  • Mentor
Posted
15 hours ago, MarieR said:

Does anyone have any encouragement for me? I could sure use some.

Hi Marie.  Averages in recovery don't mean much.  I'd say it took me about three years to fully recover from my WD from Paxil.  Don't hold yourself to a meaningless number.  Healing will come as it should.  Be forgiving of yourself and take each day as it comes.  You will recover!

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

Posted
20 minutes ago, mstimc said:

Hi Marie.  Averages in recovery don't mean much.  I'd say it took me about three years to fully recover from my WD from Paxil.  Don't hold yourself to a meaningless number.  Healing will come as it should.  Be forgiving of yourself and take each day as it comes.  You will recover!

Thank you so much for this. It just looks different if I think I've passed a target or if it's more flexible. It makes it easier to believe I can do it if there are others out there who went longer than me and have had good outcomes. You know how easy it is to fall into the trap of "it'll never get better". Having a sense of time not meaning much really, really helps!

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

  • Mentor
Posted

Progress can be slow and its certainly irregular, but it sounds like you have the right attitude and frame of mine to make it!  Positive thoughts goin your way!

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

  • 3 weeks later...
  • Administrator
Posted

Marie, how have your symptoms changed over the last 6 months?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Posted

I have less issues with terror and overwhelming panic. I still have a lot of anxiety, which goes from 0-60 and back down on and off all day. I have a more consistent sense of depression (doom and gloom) than before, but no suicidal thoughts, and I'm able to work around it.  I have tight muscles and occasional nausea. The strange pressure behind my left eye has been gone for many months, as are the headaches, but now I'm having problems with tmj and a tight throat sensation. I had major dental work 5 months back, resulting in a lot of Novocain injections, a molar being pulled (which took almost an hour) and a bridge put in, so that may have triggered it, but it's like physical pains hang around. I have tinnitus, and lots of strange crying spells. They're strange because they are short and come out of the blue triggered by the oddest things--putting on my boots to go outside, looking at a picture of my son that was sent to me in a text. It's a strange experience!

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

So, this week marks my two year anniversary since my last dose of escitalopram. Unfortunately, this week I also saw my doctor and am going back on. I feel so bad. I tried the best I could for these two years--walked, meditated, did CBT therapy, counseling, online groups, took a course in mindfulness based stress reduction, practiced the strategies kindly shared by everyone here, read the books, watched the videos, and felt myself sliding from anxiety to panic to depression. Depression is new to me, and what I've found is that it takes your hope. I could do the constant anxiety/panic--and I have for a year, but I managed it because I had hope that it would pass. While I know that depression passes, too, its voice is so believable. As much as I hate to say it in front of you all, I need a break. Living alone this past year due to the pandemic, with little contact with other people, was just the last straw. I don't know how I'll react to the meds. I don't know if they will help or not. But I had to do something. I've tried everything else. I just want you to know that this group shines a light that is so needed in the world. You kept me going when I thought I couldn't. And I will try again. With more knowledge, wiser because of you all. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kindness, willingness to share and for feeling like family. Sending wishes and hope for continued healing!

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

  • Mentor
Posted

Such a hard decision @MarieR  At 2 years I also went to the Doctor to reinstate. I never did - I still have the unopened box of pills - and can say I started improving at 26 months. Of course we are all different and some people seem to have WD for many years. I saw quite a few success stories that were 18-36 months so decided to stick it out. It worked for me.

 

It must be so tough to do this alone. 

50 mg Sertraline Nov 2016 to Dec 2016

100 mg Sertraline Jan - March 2017

50 mg Sertraline April - June 2017

25 mg Sertraline July 2017 - Sept 2018

12.5 mg Sertraline Oct 2018

0 mg Nov 1 2018

  • 4 months later...
  • Moderator Emeritus
Posted

Hello @MarieR, how are you doing  ? ❤

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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