phenylbot: 6 months in Nardil / phenelzine withdrawal

[PsychologicalSafe15]

@phenylbot my dreams haven't subsided even after so long time. Because of it I feel so tired.

[phenylbot]

Well... I'm still alive. Done a lot of exploring on the web and found an article that validated inner akathisia. Seems arbitrary that I would need this validation but when ya think yer going crazy the mind wants an explanation. I applied for disability and was declined. Drs. report said that I had depression and refused meds. That's a kick in the head. I really regret having put trust in drs. and this is a tough lesson learned. My sleep has gotten worse again. I wake after an hour and not sure if I sleep anymore through the night. My mind seems to dream while I lay there awake. So weird. Anhedonia is severe and I have a hard time knowing what to do with myself. So nervous all the time (even at home alone). Trying to walk daily although each small accomplishment is a huge chore. Don't feel I've improved and maybe a bit worse. Gut is still extremely tense, neck shoulders and back feel very fatigued. I'm still very sensitive to noise, light and most television. These things ramp up the weird fear feeling and this rarely goes away. Only augments and diminishes. It's been such a long  time. I fear a lot of this is permanent. Will be talking to a pdoc this week to see what he has to say. Don't imagine it will do much good. Sorry I haven't posted for a while. Wanted to wait for improvements. Still hoping. I get really upset when I see the price of homes now as it means I'll never be able to live in my city of origin again. Makes me homesick. Sold my house for 170 000 15 yrs. ago. It's now worth 750 000. This brings me intense emotional pain. I now live in what I call a tear down in a small farm town that is about 50 yrs. behind the times. No resources and nothing to do. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself but at Home | Antidepressant Risks | United Kingdom

least I'm feeling. Here's a link to the info re: inner aka Hope you're improving @DataGuy

 

[DataGuy]

Glad you are still alive and happy you found some validation. Inner akathisia is most definitely a real condition. I will respond more a bit later, just trying to organize my life a bit better right now. All I will say is that you write wonderfully about this, and I hope you seriously think about writing a book, journal or media article about it : ). It's a sad state of affairs medicine has left us in, and they deserve to be exposed. 

[DataGuy]

I'm sorry you haven't improved much, @phenylbot. But remember you have had a bunch of setbacks caused by attempts at new meds / reinstatements. I don't think the general anesthesia for the cancer screening was very helpful either. Hopefully can avoid any unnecessary stuff like that in the future. If we just leave your system alone, give it food and water and exercise, you should see some improvement. 

 

I would not feel too bad about selling your home. Many people are in this situation. No one can reliably predict asset prices. There are only a handful of people on the planet who can consistently make above market returns buying and selling assets like stocks, bonds, real estate etc., and these people only do it by guessing slightly better than the average what will go up and go down. Most of it is explained by the efficient market hypothesis and the fact that it is difficult to predict the future, never mind the future where you have 1000s of variables involved. 

 

It might be that living in a small farm town is a good thing right now. The air should be clean, lots of space to exercise, not too many people to deal with when you don't feel like it. I often wish I were living in a more isolated space. It is difficult to go for a walk or run here without running into hordes of people, who I often want to avoid. 

 

Excellent that you found a resource which validated inner akathisia. It is definitely a thing. You can also have "outer" akathisia without the inner distress. I think most people would prefer that type. 

 

I have finally moved to a new place and am just getting settled. The move itself was pretty stressful. Haven't really slept well since I moved in, although I don't think it has much to do with the place or the environment. Just a wave kicked off by the stress of moving and the last few months of living in the crappy environment I was in before. Luckily the new place is much nicer.

 

If you'd like someone to talk to your doctor for you, I'd be happy to do it. It is pretty outrageous that you were denied disability. I would file a complaint with the oversight board. 

Edited June 6, 2022 by DataGuy

[DataGuy]

How are you doing @phenylbot? I have a busy day at work this week, taking a first aid course and working a couple more days than usual. Sleep has been not too much different, but I did have a night recently where I slept about 6 hours straight, which is the most hours I have gotten in a row in the last 4 years. So that not bad.