dirtvoid: psychiatric survivor - year 3 of detox - 2 drugs to go

November 8, 2020

Hi SA,

I've lurked this site for a while for information but have decided to make myself part of the community.

I have a long intensive history of psychiatric abuse, and I've finally been fighting taking my life back.

I'm a 27 year old transsexual male, I reject my psychiatric diagnosis but rather identify as a traumatised neurodivergent psychiatric survivor,

I will offer a brief which will inevitably be long history of my psychiatric journey and explain where I am at now.
I will write it in bullet points for easier reading.

- My initial diagnosis was when I was 9 Dyspraxia (a neurological motor-co-ordination problem) and Sensory Processing Disorder which led to peer alienation, problems with school, behavioural problems, and emotional and mental distress.

- When I was 13, I had a scarf osteotomy (operation to remove bunions) and was prescribed 120mg of Codeine, which took my emotional pain away along with my physical pain away, I was taken off CT, and I was isolated, depressed and didn't sleep for a long time, I went through withdrawals and I didn't know what was happening to me. After this I started smoking weed.

- When I was 14 I ended up under the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services, I had to do all this extra special educational needs stuff, I heard the message everywhere that there was something wrong with me, psychometric testing shoes I have processing speed in the bottom 1% percentile and working memory in the bottom 3 and I self-harmed and starved myself and binge drank - I was traumatised sexually. Dx Depression/Anorexia

- When I was 15 I started using harder street drugs, I was traumatised violently and sexually. I got put on 40mg Prozac - 2 months later I revealed to my psychiatrist I was hearing voices and I got put on 5mg of Risperadone - I experienced Hyperprolactinemia, galactorrhea, amenorrhea and gynecomastia (rapid breast enlargement, lactation) my unusual experiences became worse, I was in severe distress, I was switched to 200mg of Seroqual, and in May 2009 tried to take my own life via laceration and overdose, I was put into adolescent psychiatric care and traumatised. My voice hearing was deemed 'non-psychotic pseudo-hallucinations' and I was taken off Seroqual over a few months. I was also given Zopiclone and Ativan. Dx: Severe Depression, Anorexia

- At 16 I was drawn to self-medication/substance abuse/drug addiction - Some party drugs - Some hallucinogenics. Expereince trauma events

- At 17-18 I came off Prozac and self-medicated with skunk - I pushed my mental health aside to help out an abusive friend with hers. I am diagnosed with demoid Ovary cysts and have them removed

- At 18 as I transitioned into Adult Mental Health Services, I was pushed around different clinics, no follow ups, often psychiatrists ot following up I remember having a hard time after a Psych put me on trial of Setraline and after month, cancelling and disappearing leaving to me go through withdrawals.

- At 19 - I self-medicated with Ketamine, Skunk, Valium and Alcohol - struggling with my mental health and numbing myself - DX Anxiety, Depression, Borderline Personality

At 20 - (2013) I moved to Canada for university, experience new traumatic events. I was diagnosed with ADHD and put on 20mg Adderall, 2mg Ativan, 1mg Clonazepam and 7.5mg Zopiclone (taken for 2 and half months) - I didn't take as prescribed, and experienced psychosis around psychiatry spying on me and insects under my skin and crawling in my bed - terrifying and erratic unusual behaviours but for the first time started to actually thrived in school. Cold Turkey Meds, Crash and try to Overdose and Zopiclone and whiskey at Xmas and then CT

2014 - Told my psychiatrist to **** off and that I didn't want to take meds. She writes I was lying about Adderall withdrawal because there is no such thing, and that I'm an attention seeker whose at chronic risk of acting out. 2 months I go back asking for psych help because I'm struggling get put on Paxil, 20mg Ritalin and 1mg Clonazepam, I stop Paxil soon after taking - after 3 months cold turkey off meds, get put on 50mg Trazadone and then 7.5mg Zopiclone - 5 a week - experience lots of trauma events. I am diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, Attend 12 step program, but can't stop drinking .

Age 21 - Get refused Stimulant meds due to history of drug abuse, self-med with amphetamine/meth tablets, alcohol and coke - Physical Health rapidly declines, I start puking up blood multiple times a day, I get clean for a month but relapse and am worse than ever. I come out as Transgender and begun social transition - Doctor tells me I have 18 months to live at best. I clean up but my mental health declines and I wind up on psych-wards here and there. Everyone is worried about me and urges I 'get help' - I get put on Citalopram 40mg, Ablify 2.5mg, 200mg Trazadone - My psychiatrist just throws prescriptions at me increasing doses and changes them every 3 months, The meds just make me feel physically and mentally unwell. I stop, Ablify and Citalopram, CT and Psych gives me 100mg of Seroqual, Psych Adds 50mg Strattera

Age 22 - I am off and on with sobriety still puking blood, start taking Testosterone pills - I stop Trazadone and Seroqual CT and get put on 40mg Ritalin, 50mg Remeron, 1mg of Clonazepam and 35mg of Loxapine - I move into a mad-friendly ***** punk house that is home.
2016 - I develop an abssess in my tonsil and get put on Oxycodone for a few weeks after it is removed, I stop taking Loxapine due to lactation, in and out of psych wards -
usually 48 hours. I stop drinking and attend 12 step meetings. in April I am struggling so much with mental / physical health - I attempt suicide using all the leftover pills - end up in ICU. I get taken off Remeron cold and back on my way, I switch from Testosterone pills to SubQ shots low dose - Accumulation of psych med withdrawals, Post-traumatic Stress, constant transphobia, violence and invalidation of identity, along with the pressure of university - leads to serious mental distress - Ritalin gets Switched to 30mg Adderall, 300mg of Pregabalin Seroqual 50 mg is added, and 200mg Lamatical is added - I move out of my home into an anarchist sober collective. my mental health is worse than ever at this point. I attempt suicide again using all the left of meds - I end up in the ICU again. I am severely mistreated in the psych-ward. I organise a protest/performance and protest the hospital

Age 23 .I cold turkey of Lamatical and Seroqual. I relapse and start injecting ketamine. I get put on 5mg Zopiclone for a month, I become preoccupied with an instrusive image of death via fentynal injection, I try to actualise this, but don't die. I get rejected by my friends/support/community and just cannot cope with the increasing and relentless serious and enduring mental health problems that have swallowed me up anymore, I start living alone, very isolated, but still at art school, where all this time I have thrived by documenting and turning my psychitaric trauma into elaborate conceptual,  installation pieces and performance pieces, drawings and paintings, For those past few years when I am not at the clinic, psych-ward hospital, church basement or bed-ridden with debilitating symptoms - I have been in the studio challenging it into my art which I call Manic Expressionism / Emotional Exhibitionism. I get put into intensive 3x a week OP - DBT treatment - I develop tendonitis and chronic pain - I get put on 20mg Oxycodone, Cyclobenzoprine, my Pregabalin doubled to 600mg for 3 months, I graduate my final exhibition is an installation closet covered in my psych-notes, painted with demons and photocopies of all my sketchbooks that have documented the hell I've been through, I also make a 60 Minute film of me nodding out on Oxycodone, and sardonically thank my class for critiquing and grading my suffering for 4 years - I graduate with a 3.75 GPA. I cold turkey off the pain meds, I suffer but I feel a sense of life again and start dating and falling in love, I rebuild my friend circles. I CT off Adderall move across the country into a derelict punk house with mice and black mould, my health is worse than ever, I can't get out of bed , I get put on Suboxone and have a seizure, the pharmacy by mistake gives me hundreds of extra Clonazepam - I start taking 5-6mg a day - I start to bottom out - I experience police trauma.I go back on 30mg Adderall, My Visa ends and I go back to the U.K in horrific physical, emotional, mental and shape.

Age 24 - get on 200mg Tramadol and hit a dramatic bottom at my parents house - I decide I want off pills and ask for help from the Drug and Alcohol services, I get put on 40mg of Valium tapering 2mg every two weeks, and switch from Adderall to 70mg Lisdexamfetamine, I am bed ridden - my physical pain is at it's worst point, I am in serious mental distress, having unusual experiences and problematic behaviour - but I think you can imagine and get the point by now. I get a diagnosis of Complex Reigional Pain Syndrome and self-med with large amounts of Ketamine. At this point I am awaiting to get into detox/rehab it takes 9 months to get a bed. I briefly go back to Canada and start an intense romantic relationship. My bottoming out, becomes a live performance piece, with 10,000 empty pills in a bathtub in a gallery, and installation showcasing a mix of all my mad art. I enter Detox on the verge of death on - 70mg Lisdexamfetamine, 600mg Pregabalin, 200mg Tramadol, 4mg Valium.
I am taken off Tramadol in 4 days, then in the next 3 weeks I am taken off the 4mg Valium and then 600mg Pregabalin - I was reduced to 50mg Lisdexamfetamine the first week of detox. I had seizures, I don't get as much as 15 minutes sleep for 6 weeks, and don't sleep a night for 3 months, I have journals of all the horrific things I went through - After 2 months I am taken off Lisdexamfetamine cold turkey and thing get from bad to worse. I complete my 12 weeks and am moved to secondary rehab.

Age 25 - I am put on 30mg Duloxatine due to my mental health not improving after being in treatment for 4 months, I work my recovery really hard, I believe in being clean and 12 step program, I look at my self, my behaviours, I become passionate about my recovery because I just don't want to be in pain anymore. I get out of treatment I go back on 70mg Lisdexamfetamine and move back to Canada to be with my love, I make the 12 step program the centre of my world, I am happy for the first time in my life, I develop regular seizures,  I cold turkey off Duloxatine and lisdexamfetamine - I experience 6 weeks of acute physical withdrawals then protracted withdrawals - my relationship gets strained - My 6 months in Canada ends I am heartbroken in England, I go back on lisdexamfetamine but stay clean, my protracted withdrawals reach an unbearable point but I just think I am suicidally depressed, and I reinstate Duloxatine and have scarily immediate relief -

Age 26 - I get into my dream Grad School program - MSc in Art and Mental Health after starting my application with psych ward anecdotes  2 months after being introduced to the Power Threat Meaning Framework, Anti-Psychiatry and Critical Disability, schools of thought my life changes, I learn about the slow taper and begin 10% every 2 weeks. The symptoms are severe due to my nervous system ruptured by neurodivergence, trauma, addiction and psychitary - I have documented all of it via painting most days. I experience abusive unstable housing and have now moved every 3 months for 2 years - global pandemic, heartbreak, I thrive in my course school I am believed, my experiential knowledge is valued. I push through my withdrawals because I want to survive psychitary and emerge the other side, I want to live, even though my withdrawals are debilitating, I have hopes and dreams, I am fatigued much of the time, my exucutive functioning is shot, but I can excel in my writing and reading critical psych material,

Age 27 - I just got kicked out yet another place because of my motor-disability, and was denied housing everywhere in the seaside town I tried to escape due to discimnation for me being transsexual (my IDs doesn't match) I moved back to family home and repaired the very damaged relationship - I am now housesitting for them while they are away. I'm down to 3.2mg of Duloxatine (20 beads) , I graduated my MSc with distinction which blows my mind, because some days I can't remember how to pour a glass of water and just pace in a confused delirum, unable to do tasks. My sleep has recovered from the benzo damage, I am 2 years sober and still in 12 steps - Things are tough but could be worse. I am studying a Hypnotherapy course right now. I am working on a book that will include academic mad studies papers, personal essays and all my artwork from my AD taper from

I have been removing 2 beads at a time - I have windows where I start to feel alive I am day 10 into my last cut and my mood is bright, physically not too great but not sure what is my base.

and plan on slow tapering the  70mg of Lisdexamfetamine once I have done the Duloxatine - There's so much more to story that's long but vague version - a lot more extraordinary both positive and negative has happened, I tried to include what I thought was important to my story, I didn't really list symptoms but it varies, and honestly I don't know what is me, what is having a body, what is the meds, what is the trauma, what is the chronic pain, what is the neurodivergence and processing/memory struggles I had before I was severely traumatised, became an drug addict, and had all this iatrogenesis, I'm trying not to mourn who I could've have been, embrace the uncertainty,  ride the waves. My aim is too take back my life that was stolen, and change the outcome of my future, I believe in neuro-plasticity, I'm not trying to recover any aspect of who I was before medication, but I have through my creative practice learnt to make the most out of the hand I've been dealt, and channel that anger at my oppression and being abused by psychiatry into creative means, and helping and supporting others who have also been damaged - Look forward to talking to some of you, I haven't been on a forum since I was 16. I am not always positive about it, I am so tired of tapering, and detoxing and being ill, and it's so daunting that I have such a long way to go, but I can do today, and that's all I ever need to do.

If anyone is interested would love to share some of my artwork!

Dirtvoid

November 11, 2020

Hi dirtvoid and welcome aboard,

I did read through your introduction and oh my, I am so sorry for all you have been through. Whoa and whoosh!

Would you like some help with your remaining tapers?

We really don't support rapid detoxes here. We are more focused on harm reduction methods of tapering, AD's(antidepressants especially), and then support around that. And then we provide information, too, on WD(withdrawal).

We also focus on, collecting more data too, around helping to get safer practices in place for "deprescribing".

We do, however, often deal with other medication(s) here though, as so many come in, on, well, interesting "cocktails".

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

What is withdrawal syndrome?

First off, let's get some of your most recent history of medications, and tapering organized.

Please summarize your withdrawal history in your signature

take a look at ^, it's the section that you'll see under others posts, and helps us to get a context for where you are at, quickly and easily, wherever you might post on the site. The how-to on doing a signature is in that link.

On 11/8/2020 at 4:27 PM, dirtvoid said:

I have been removing 2 beads at a time - I have windows where I start to feel alive I am day 10 into my last cut and my mood is bright, physically not too great but not sure what is my base.

It sounds like you may have explored here a bit, already, on your own. I'll add in the links to topics on the medications that you'd like to taper:

Tips for tapering off Cymbalta(duloxetine)

I'm not finding a topic specific to Lisdexamfetamine right now, but here's what we have on Adderall, some of which may apply:

Tips for tapering off Adderall

And then on WD(withdrawal) and symptoms of WD:

Dr Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

For sharing your artwork, you might consider starting your own blog, or website for that. We do have an Off Topic forum(available to members only, must be signed in to access), and also a Finding Meaning forum.....that might be good for that as well. If you go to the main page, or Home page, you'll see how things are laid out here.

This is your introduction/journal page where you have now introduced yourself to the community, you can ask questions here regarding your tapering, give updates, and just keep a record of your journey.

Again, welcome, and good to have you aboard.

I realize I've given you a lot here, and just take it slow, it'll be here for reference. You might want to just HOLD too, for right now, while we get to know you, without making further changes.

And best,

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

moderator manymoretodays

Edited November 11, 2020 by manymoretodays
added bunches of stuff

November 11, 2020

Hi thank you for the response - I've added a signature - hopefully it gives a rough a idea - I'm not sure what to do around my taper my dose of lisdexamfetamine is way too high, it is interacting horribly with the Cymbalta - there is a major interaction, slowly down my Cymbalta scares me for me that reason, if I were to start taking one bead out a month, that would mean 20 more months at being at this dose of lisdexamfetamine, so in some ways I'm pushing and rushing through going as slow as fast as I can possibly tolerate, I did lower to 5% from May 2020 but didn't notice much difference between that and the 10% cuts. Given my history, there was never going to be a symptom-free way of doing this, it is impossible for me to tell whether or not the mental and physical fatigue and brain fog is from this withdrawal or protracted from everything else or from trauma, stress and constant sensory overload, also the whole global pandemic.

My day looked a bit like this

8AM (after 6 hours sleep) - Alarm - acknowledge it, but can't move, go back to sleep, exhausted, fatigued, full of panic, confusion, not sure of surroundings, anxiety, muscle weakness, unsure how to make movement,

10AM: Sleep paralysis, awake but not in body

11AM: Atigation at not being able to get up cycling rapid thoughts.
12Pm: Take a 70mg Lisdexamfetamine from the bottle, but still can't get up

1pm: Want to take Cymbalta but can't think of where the pill organiser is, get angry at being disorganised, want water but it is empty, unsure if hungry, try to think about getting up and what my day looks like but feel panicky, confused, fatigued, overwhelmed, slow and achy, muscles are tight, stomach starts to ache, I panic and get angry at myself for not taken the meds at the same time as yesterday, and think about how I can be more organised, but am overwhelmed, I think about all the things I need to do and get agitated

2pm: Get out of bed and take 3.2mg Cymbalta, started to feel nausea, but goes away once I take it, I want to eat but everything is too messy and I am stressed, call mum to talk about being stressed about cleaning.

3pm: Surge of frantic energy, start cleaning kitchen, Overheat strip clothes.

3:30pm: panicky agitated, start just moving one thing to one place and back, stressed about mess, start stimming and pacing to self-soothe.

4pm - Ahhhh I haven't eaten, I need food but I don't know what to make, I don't know what I want to eat, am I hungry? is this what hunger feels like, maybe I'm feeling sick, nothing sounds good - Start painting and listening to Records, buy records on ebay send to old address, get frustrated, get a headache from copying numbers, start getting really cold,

5:30- After staring at Deliveroo for hour - pick a thing, make smoothie while I wait

6pm - Turns out not hungry, feel confused, upset day did not go right.

evening plans - online 12 Step meeting - Support Call - more cleaning, dig out planner to plan next few days, Mediate, Early Night,

November 11, 2020

Welcome, dirtvoid.

It looks like your drug schedule is somewhat irregular. It's very important you take the psychotropics at the same times each day. Please include all drugs and drug dosages in your daily notes.

Are you taking other drugs as well? Maybe hormones? Please put ALL your drugs in the Drug Interactions Checker https://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.php
and copy and paste the results or a link to them in this topic.

Which of your current symptoms do you attribute to the psychiatric drugs?

November 11, 2020

I also take Testosterone and will add it to my signature, but it doesn't seem to interact with the drugs themselves but it definitely contributes to some of neuro-endocrine issues. I do not receive any medical support around my hormones. Again I'm on too high a dose, which I have played with but can't seem to lower it without getting PMS symptoms.

I do have issue with taking my pills at the same time, due to being erratic/disorganised, my sleep is so erratic it can be extremely difficult to predict when I will wake up, and easily sleep through alarms, I do always take my pills first thing when I wake up though, but I will try be more diligent in regularity, I have tried countless methods to maintain a routine but with moving every 3 months it's been difficult.

I'm not exactly what I attribute to the drugs, but the panic/disorentation/fog/tight muscles/sleep paraylsis all follow a pattern during my cut, while I've had vague and chronic GI problems all my life there is a particular bloating and gassy, nausea, cramps, that is directly associated with the withdrawals because it eases up as I stabilise. I have a lot of really bizarre symptoms that come up that I know are from the withdrawals, I describe it often as having severe symptoms show up midly (as in they come and go and don't last.) I judge when to hold and when to cut based on depressive symptoms because it was the intensive prolonged suicide ideation that made me reinstate the Cymbalta, but usually do 14-28 - days.
I'm considered doing a longer hold this cycle just to find some routine/structure and stability but the reason I haven't held any longer, is that I find I need and thrive on the feeling I get when after the depression lifts and I feel light, full of hope and life, and seem to do 'better'

Edited November 11, 2020 by dirtvoid
Added

November 11, 2020

My other question is how do get off this last bit off Cymbalta at 20 beads - 10% = 18, and from there a 5% would be 1 bead - but then I would slowly be cutting a higher and higher % as I get lower,

November 12, 2020

Hi dirtvoid,

I read through your story and can I say that I admire you for fighting through to get better ❤️ I am pulling for you and I pray that you can finally find some peace after all you have been through! I would love to see your art work. Hang in there, I will keep you in my prayers 🙏

November 12, 2020

16 hours ago, dirtvoid said:

My other question is how do get off this last bit off Cymbalta at 20 beads - 10% = 18, and from there a 5% would be 1 bead - but then I would slowly be cutting a higher and higher % as I get lower,

Yes, Cymbalta is a trickier one to do a judicious taper with, as the beads/pellets cannot be crushed or liquefied.

I think that's a pretty high dose of the Lisdexamfetamine too.

You might do a Notes/symptom log for us. That can really help sort things out. It might help you to get better consistency with your dosing too, having to write it down, on a daily basis.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1779-keep-daily-notes-of-drug-schedule-and-symptoms-to-track-patterns-

^ here's the link explaining that log

And a sample note, from the ^, to give you an idea:

6 a.m. Woke with anxiety
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

6 a.m. Woke with anxiety (but less than yesterday)

I had meant to say yesterday, that's so great, your artwork......doing that kind of expression. And I too, would love to see some of it.

Best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

November 12, 2020

Thank you!

Today was better, I have order a vibrating alarm wristwatch, to assure I take my dose at the same time each day - even if I can't get up at 7am everyday I can likely be awake enough to take the pills on the side of my bed. I did some reading and research and am going to attempt to stabilise and hold my dose for another 2 weeks and see if I can find some ground so I can figure out what is withdrawal and then next cut 2 beads because that's the last 10% and from there on 1 bead at a time. I've realised I need to come to a place of surrender and acceptance to the fact, I may not be off psych-drugs for long time and it's going to take a long time to heal form this chemical lobotomy that has done a real number on me. Today I experimented with transdermal 10mg CBD patch, which seems to have relaxed muscle tension and eased the akathisia,

7AM - Take 70mg Lisdexamfetamine and 3.2mg (20 beads) Cymbalta - put on full spectrum SAD light
8AM - Meditation followed by 10 minutes of Breath-work
9AM - Breakfast (Cornflakes, coconut milk and frozen blueperries and pea protien powder

10AM - Go for a run round the park

11AM - Run some errands, nervous system goes in hyperdrive when the person behind me at the pharmacy is angry and frustrated and rude to the pharmacist.

12pm Put on pain patch, Listen to records, Cleaning - thinking

1pm - Play guitar for a while

2pm - Talk to friend

3pm - Make food (spinach poached egg tomatoes)

4pm - Paint -

I've had few noticeable acute symptoms, there is chronic sense of fatigue, confusion, preoccupation with thoughts, cognitive fog, but my mood was brighter, and I was not in the same panic I was yesterday, and I am celebrating what I can do, I'm start to get really exhausted, and if I have a good morning, I tend to struggle later, I'm hoping taking my meds at the same time will bring some regularity and I will be better be able to recognise symptoms, aleximythia is a problem (so glad there's a word to describe not knowing how to describe feelings)

November 12, 2020

23 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Yes, Cymbalta is a trickier one to do a judicious taper with, as the beads/pellets cannot be crushed or liquefied.

I think that's a pretty high dose of the Lisdexamfetamine too.

yes, it is the highest recommended dose, it made a lot more sense in the context of being on A LOT of sedatives, I'm not sure if it might be worth holding the Cymbalta and starting to reduce it, it may offer more relief, but I just haven't wanted to play with it without guidance and I have found very little information on coming off stimulants via 10% tapering.

Edited November 12, 2020 by dirtvoid
formatting

November 12, 2020

Hi @dirtvoid! I read your thread and I just wanted to let you know that I’m amazed by how strong you are! Your ability to turn your suffering into something constructive (your art!) is amazing, congratulations on your accomplishments in art school! I think your story can truly help make a change and help others who are sadly also being abused by psychiatry.

I wish you start feeling better soon, sending strength!

November 14, 2020

it's been 2 weeks since my last cut, feeling a lot better than I was - I have bought a vibrating wrist watch to make sure I take my doses as EXACTLY the same time and understanding that the nervous system thrives on regularity, I'm going to put more effort into developing routine, so I can be a bit more aware of my symptoms and patterns.

some symptoms I am having is a swollen painful tongue, the tip is unbearably raw and sensitive - that has been going on for over a month and yesterday it got worse, I have this thing when I wake up in the night gasping for breath and it's like the airflow is closing up, - it's not anxiety or panic I've had enough of that to know. while I was trying to fall asleep I was having heart palpitations, and burning skin (mini CPRS flare)- and overheating, excessive sweats, crawling skin, I get these hive like rashes come up but then just subside, my eyes are extremely dry, I have developed sorta asthmatic sensitives to dust, I felt much better this morning. Last night I did an NA zoom meeting, and felt identification because I heard people talk about post-acute-withdrawals, the topic also talked about trauma and lost-time, I then did no screens after 9.30pm, I did a Jewish Meditation - and tried to sleep early, but I find I get more racing thoughts and agitation when I do this over, staying up until I'm on the verge of passing out. I however did wake up and get at 7AM and doing tasks wasn't a nightmare, I woke up did meditation, ate: Spinach, Eggs and Tomatoes, I went for a 30 minute jog. Have been on my Hypnotherapy course all morning, which is a distraction and gives me purpose - Other than a dodgy stomach, no major symptoms today so far (13:44)

November 14, 2020

Moved from: Tips for tapering off Vyvanse (lisdexamfetamine dimesylate)

Anyone have access to any more info on tapering stimulants beyond the technique - any doctor i've spoke to either outright denies there is withdrawal or downplays it as depression and fatigue lasting a few weeks, or the GP just says I need to say an 'ADHD' specialist to discuss my meds. I would love to know more about the pharmacology of it and a bit more about what I can expect, I only found one person talking about it on here when I put it in the search, which doesn't really tell me a lot. Out of interest I checked the NICE guidelines (not that I would trust them) and it says nothing, about tapering or withdrawal. The general internet just talks about 'the Vyvanse crash' and again no mention of what to expect from slow tapering in terms.

Edited November 14, 2020 by ChessieCat
added topic title

November 14, 2020

Hi dirtvoid,

I'm glad you feeling some improvement.

Try and stick with the Notes/symptom logs and post the full 24 hour block when you have them.

You could try some of the other sleep tips, found here:

Tips to help sleep: so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

darkening your bedroom may help you to sleep a bit later, if you are accustomed to later bedtimes

Why are you taking testosterone? For PMS??

And what is your pain patch? What does it consist of?

And best,

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited November 14, 2020 by manymoretodays
?'s

November 14, 2020

3 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi dirtvoid,

I'm glad you feeling some improvement.

Try and stick with the Notes/symptom logs and post the full 24 hour block when you have them.

You could try some of the other sleep tips, found here:

Tips to help sleep: so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

darkening your bedroom may help you to sleep a bit later, if you are accustomed to later bedtimes

Why are you taking testosterone? For PMS??

And what is your pain patch? What does it consist of?

And best,

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Thank you - I have a difficult time with awareness of time along with significant memory struggles (preceding any drugs but also worsened by them) so it may be difficult for me to stick to exact time blocks

I inject testosterone enatate IM - for gender reassignment as I'm "Female to Male" Transsexual

The pain patch are 10mg of pure CBD - I used one the other day and haven't again

November 14, 2020

4 hours ago, dirtvoid said:

Moved from: Tips for tapering off

Sera

(lisdexamfetamine dimesylate)

Anyone have access to any more info on tapering stimulants beyond the technique - any doctor i've spoke to either outright denies there is withdrawal or downplays it as depression and fatigue lasting a few weeks, or the GP just says I need to say an 'ADHD' specialist to discuss my meds. I would love to know more about the pharmacology of it and a bit more about what I can expect, I only found one person talking about it on here when I put it in the search, which doesn't really tell me a lot. Out of interest I checked the NICE guidelines (not that I would trust them) and it says nothing, about tapering or withdrawal. The general internet just talks about 'the Vyvanse crash' and again no mention of what to expect from slow tapering in terms.

how-to-talk-to-a-doctor-about-tapering-and-withdrawal-what-to-expect

Search results for Vyvanse in the Introduction forum.

And the: tips-for-tapering-off-vyvanse-lisdexamfetamine-dimesylate

November 15, 2020

2 hours ago, dirtvoid said:

Thank you - I have a difficult time with awareness of time along with significant memory struggles (preceding any drugs but also worsened by them) so it may be difficult for me to stick to exact time blocks

I inject testosterone enatate IM - for gender reassignment as I'm "Female to Male" Transsexual

The pain patch are 10mg of pure CBD - I used one the other day and haven't again

Thanks dirtvoid.

Well try the 24 hours, in 2 blocks, when posting Notes then, and I can consolidate them.

That way we can get the best input for you, from Alto.

How long now with the testosterone injections? Dose and frequency?

Hormonal stuff always can make things trickier, with tapering.......yet, not impossible by any means.

And okay, good to know on the CBD patches. Not enough data, on using them for WD. And we basically advise caution, when in WD. As our nervous systems can be so sensitive.

Here's our topic: Cannabis, marijuana, hashish, THC, and CBD(cannabidiol) or Hemp oil

(it's about 6 pages now, mostly members contributions, and worth a good read through in it's entirety.......look for some of the posts from JanCarol, as well as Alto)

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited November 15, 2020 by manymoretodays

November 15, 2020

11pm: Sudden onset suicidal ideation (intense panic feelings of being trapped, intrusive imagery, and self-blame for situation thoughts: "If I just had stayed sober when I was 20, I probably wouldn't have had to go through all this")

12am: Crying fall asleep

-- Overnight, usual repeated awakenings - Dreams about taking care of children on lots of psychotropics who have developed liver problems and nobody believes me that there is a link.

6AM: Slight Relief that I don't feel quite as bad, exhausted

7AM: Take 70mg Lisdexafetamine, 3.2 (20 beads) Duloxetine - Go Back to sleep because of intense muscle weakness/aches, joints stiffness, fatigue, disorientation, lightheadness dizziness, and overwhelm, panic, agitation and anxiety over having to organise and sequence tasks

7.30AM: Take hot shower, can barely stand - Go back to bed afterwards

8:30AM - Wake up - intense tongue pain, very bad GI distress (including sour stomach - less usual) bad metallic taste, overwhelm, dense fatigue (feel like I've just got out of surgery) - Take Pepto Bismul (for stomach) 400mg Ibroprofun and 1000mg Parecetemol (for my tongue pain/inflamation) I know I shouldn't, I take OTC painkillers infrequently as a last resort - I know doubly bad to take it without eating urgh. I'm not sure i'm just impulsive or simply imperfect.

9AM - Class - takes my mind off it a little bit, but struggling with fatigue, dry eyes, neck aches and pains, concentration, Zoom makes me dizzy

10AM - Salt water mouthwash, Peppermint tea, 10mg CBD patch - nausea supsides - apetite grows.

-- I started on testosterone pills in 2015, I started Testosterone Entate SUBQ injections (0.25ml) April 2016 (0.5ml) - Now I'm doing 0.2ml twice a week so 0.4ml weekly. I haven't had my levels checked for a while, mostly because even when I get the blood test there's nobody who is really monitoring it. I wonder how the PCOS affects this too and how the meds affect all this. The half life in blood of Testosterone Entate is 2-3 days, I've tried lots of different intervals, and weekly I get a huge crash the day before the dose, every 2 weeks I get PMS (without bleeding) and I've once been given horrible advice of 1ml every 3 weeks in which makes me 'hypomanic' followed by a crash.

I feel like I'm seriously lacking the ability and skills needed to organise my life in order to have the routine my nervous system needs, honestly if I had read this site before I started tapering, I probably would have realised I may lack the capacity, I tend have a bravado martyrdom attitude around being able to handle and suffering through symptoms..

I'm certain the high dose of Lisdexamfetamine is exacerbating my withdrawal symptoms - I didn't want to touch until I'm off Duloxetine but staying at this dose for another possibly 18 months is becoming a concern to me, but also it could make the fatigue worse.

I feel scared because I need to figure out an appropriate living situation for me to be in prolonged withdrawals. I've lost my housing many times over throughout this.

November 16, 2020

You'll have to maintain a regular drug schedule. Irregular dosing may be causing some of your symptoms.

On 11/11/2020 at 3:51 PM, dirtvoid said:

My other question is how do get off this last bit off Cymbalta at 20 beads - 10% = 18, and from there a 5% would be 1 bead - but then I would slowly be cutting a higher and higher % as I get lower,

Since you've been having weeks of withdrawal symptoms every time you reduce Cymbalta, it might be best for you to take a vacation from tapering it for a couple of months or more.

For the last leg, you may be removing 1 bead per month or 2 months. There's no other way to go off Cymbalta.

14 hours ago, dirtvoid said:

7AM: Take 70mg Lisdexafetamine, 3.2 (20 beads) Duloxetine - Go Back to sleep because of intense muscle weakness/aches, joints stiffness, fatigue, disorientation, lightheadness dizziness, and overwhelm, panic, agitation and anxiety over having to organise and sequence tasks

Yes, those look like symptoms caused by either lisdexafetamine or duloxetine, most likely lisdexafetamine.

You may be feeling adverse effects of testosterone as well.

I'm not sure how much advice we can give you. Your polypharmacy is beyond what we deal with here, and you will need to carefully manage drug changes. We don't handle steroid tapering at all, but the technique is exactly the same.

November 16, 2020

15 hours ago, Altostrata said:

You'll have to maintain a regular drug schedule. Irregular dosing may be causing some of your symptoms.

Since you've been having weeks of withdrawal symptoms every time you reduce Cymbalta, it might be best for you to take a vacation from tapering it for a couple of months or more.

For the last leg, you may be removing 1 bead per month or 2 months. There's no other way to go off Cymbalta.

Yes, those look like symptoms caused by either lisdexafetamine or duloxetine, most likely lisdexafetamine.

You may be feeling adverse effects of testosterone as well.

I'm not sure how much advice we can give you. Your polypharmacy is beyond what we deal with here, and you will need to carefully manage drug changes. We don't handle steroid tapering at all, but the technique is exactly the same.

Yeah, I've read a few stories (plus from my own experience of coming off Duloxetine cold) it really does seem like being off the drug is not the goal (which is where this stuff differs from abstaining from drug and alcohol addiction) but instead to repairing and regulating the autonomic nervous system. I'm not planning on tapering Testosterone, it is a needed medication and unlike psych-drugs the right dose can be biologically determined by results of a blood test.

I've been playing it out in my head and based on experience if I cut the Lisdexamfetamine, even by a small amount it's likely going to make the fatigue worse, and possibly put me into a serious depression, so I'm just going to tolerate the anxiety and agitation until I am stable enough off the Duloxetine to cut it, which is looking like a long time.

11-2AM - Dissociate and space - can't sequence the motor movements to get into bed.

-Usual interrupted rest-

8AM - Alarm, Fatigue feel like I've just come out surgery, disoriented, confused, unsure where I am, surroundings feel unfamiliar, muscle weakness, dissociation, panic, pounding heart, all over weakness - panic over the choice between pushing through to wake up or go back to sleep and rest because of fatigue. Go back to sleep

12PM - Again wake up in the same state, but the panic gets worse when I realised I didn't take my meds at the right time, wake up and just go into hyperarosual and panic, take 3.2mg duloxetine and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine

12:30pm - Meditate and 4-5-7 breathework - calm down a bit

12:50: Shower -

1-3pm clean kitchen get extremely stressed, cry because I need to eat and I can't make the decision

3pm - Eat Toast

4pm - Ride my Bike in the forrest

5pm - Call friend panicking and crying about how stressed I am and not coping - friend is going to come over and help me eat.

November 16, 2020

2 hours ago, dirtvoid said:

I've been playing it out in my head and based on experience if I cut the Lisdexamfetamine, even by a small amount it's likely going to make the fatigue worse, and possibly put me into a serious depression, so I'm just going to tolerate the anxiety and agitation until I am stable enough off the Duloxetine to cut it, which is looking like a long time.

If the lisdexamfetamine or testosterone are the source of your problems and you don't want to change them, there's nothing we can do to help you.

It is likely that if you stop taper duloxetine for the time being, any withdrawal symptoms from that will gradually go away, and you'll be left with the rest of the adverse effects from your drugs, if that's what they are. There are no free lunches with large doses of drugs over a long time.

November 17, 2020

3 hours ago, Altostrata said:

If the lisdexamfetamine or testosterone are the source of your problems and you don't want to change them, there's nothing we can do to help you.

It is likely that if you stop taper duloxetine for the time being, any withdrawal symptoms from that will gradually go away, and you'll be left with the rest of the adverse effects from your drugs, if that's what they are. There are no free lunches with large doses of drugs over a long time.

I'm not here to discuss my Testosterone - A lot of the studies done on side effects are in the context of Cisgender Men -

I want to come off Lisdexamfetamine, I was responding to my own query about holding the Duloxetine and cutting it to reduce the side-effects but like you said I need to carefully manage it and after given it some thought, I don't think i want to mess with it during Duloxetine taper (Unless it is advised?)

I'm going to hold my duloxetine taper for a while.

November 17, 2020

It may be useful to you to continue to keep daily notes. As the fallout from duloxetine tapering goes away, you may get a better picture of your symptom baseline and effects of your drugs.

November 20, 2020

How are you doing dirvoid?

Are you able to get anymore consistency going with the time of day that you take your duloxetine and Vyvanse(lisdexamfetamine)?

And best,

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

November 20, 2020

13 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

How are you doing dirvoid?

Are you able to get anymore consistency going with the time of day that you take your duloxetine and Vyvanse(lisdexamfetamine)?

And best,

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Improved but still struggling with it, Most days I'm taking it at 7am, everyday I am just so disorientated, stiff and weak, sometimes I can't even take the pill from the organiser at my bedside. I lost the watch because at night but because of tactile defensiveness I can't stand the feeling of anything touching my skin (not a withdrawal symptom in itself but it's heightened by it) But mostly of the times.

My symptoms seem to be getting worse,

7AM: Take 3.2mg Duloxatine and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine - go back to sleep

9AM - Wake up - feel like I've just come out of surgery - confused, fatigue weak, heavy, stiff, creaky joints, pounding heart, terror

9:10AM: intense stomach cramps, gassy, nausea,
9:20AM: Violently vomit, dry heave and vomit blood, loose stools - cycle through this for 40 minutes

10AM: Make peppermint tea and meditate and do breathework - still GI distressed and gassy, stomach swollen and tender - hot flashes.
11AM: Eat rice with tumeric
12pm: Read a book on self-hypnosis in bed
1:30pm: go for walk - very de-real and panicky, but fresh air is good -

2:30pm - Sponsor cancels stepwork session - feel thrown off by change of plans, make another thing of plain rice - POUNDING HEART

3-6pm - Spend 3 hours trying to research the interaction, between testosterone and anti-depressants - find nothing, keep reading articles on trans health, sweating, intensity, feel lost and consumed in reading journals, and end up just overwhelming myself - Pacing - shifting weight, restless, agitation

6:30PM: Speak to SPonsor - tells me to contact a doctor.

7pm: SHEER PANIC, TERROR, SUICIDALITY, Intensity, curl up in ball, rocking back and forth hypervention, restlessness, feeling everything closing in on me with no escape, crying, can't breath, heart ponding,

9PM: Paint above experience

10:20pm, Surge of intense nervous and restless energy - go out and Ride my bike fast, can't feel the cold at all - suicide ideation

11pm: Contact safe friend to vent over messenger -

11-1AM: Dissociate scrolling on social media - Make rice noodles.

1AM-1:30AM - Jewish guided meditation - feel better and fall asleep
7AM: Alarm - doesn't wake me up too confused weak, panic, fatigued and stiff

9AM: Take 70mg Lisdexamfetamine and 3.2mg Duloxatine -

10AM: Stomach cramps, dry heaves w/ blood, loose stools, repeat

11AM: Meditation/Self-Hypnosis for IBS find a little bit of relief - repeat
12Pm: call doctor and make appointments (I don't think there's much they can do, but I will need medical documentation, if this withdrawal syndrome is going to continue to disable me , I'm on sickness benefits right now and every 3 months they require proof, I also need Testosterone blood tests, and although I am very sure this is all withdrawal, it's still worth ruling anything major out, I am however going to avoid discussing any psychiatric symptoms with doctors that can be interpreted as 'relapse')

1:30pm - go out, feeling panicked, Buy Bone broth, bannanas and rye bread, people look at me funny in the shop - probably because of Akathsia

2:30pm - Eat

3-4pm - Various computer stuff - feel a bit better, doing my best trying to avoid too much stress.

--

I feel like perhaps my body just can't tolerate the psycho-stimulant at this stage in the withdrawal
I have a hypothesis that all this is to do with adrenaline
I feel like the stomach issues are a increased intolerance to food - I am going to be very careful with what I eat.
I feel like I could be going through a wave of protracted benzo withdrawal - 3 weeks of this level of physical withdrawals is fairly unusual - although last time was also the last lockdown

Meditation and Self-Hypnosis IS helping to at least have some relaxation - but I simply can't function in any sense - taking care of myself is impossible.

--

November 22, 2020

Bravo dirtvoid, for all the non-drug coping that you are trying!

When did you make the drop to 3.2 mg of Cymbalta(20 beads)? What day in November?

On 11/20/2020 at 9:13 AM, dirtvoid said:

Improved but still struggling with it, Most days I'm taking it at 7am, everyday I am just so disorientated, stiff and weak, sometimes I can't even take the pill from the organiser at my bedside. I lost the watch because at night but because of tactile defensiveness I can't stand the feeling of anything touching my skin (not a withdrawal symptom in itself but it's heightened by it) But mostly of the times.

My symptoms seem to be getting worse,

12Pm: call doctor and make appointments (I don't think there's much they can do, but I will need medical documentation, if this withdrawal syndrome is going to continue to disable me , I'm on sickness benefits right now and every 3 months they require proof, I also need Testosterone blood tests, and although I am very sure this is all withdrawal, it's still worth ruling anything major out, I am however going to avoid discussing any psychiatric symptoms with doctors that can be interpreted as 'relapse')

1:30pm - go out, feeling panicked, Buy Bone broth, bannanas and rye bread, people look at me funny in the shop - probably because of Akathsia

2:30pm - Eat

3-4pm - Various computer stuff - feel a bit better, doing my best trying to avoid too much stress.

--

I feel like perhaps my body just can't tolerate the psycho-stimulant at this stage in the withdrawal
I have a hypothesis that all this is to do with adrenaline
I feel like the stomach issues are a increased intolerance to food - I am going to be very careful with what I eat.
I feel like I could be going through a wave of protracted benzo withdrawal - 3 weeks of this level of physical withdrawals is fairly unusual - although last time was also the last lockdown

Meditation and Self-Hypnosis IS helping to at least have some relaxation - but I simply can't function in any sense - taking care of myself is impossible.

--

Can you describe your "Akathisia". What specifically your symptoms are.

And good idea, to rule out other stuff, hopefully it will give you some peace of mind.

And also, yes, sometimes good to NOT discuss WD too much, with anyone who might misinterpet as relapse.

Have you got anyone you can call on, to help you temporarily with some practical stuff? I know it's hard to ask sometimes, but that may help. And of course, it may not continue so very hard. Try and stay in the day, each day. And also try very hard, not to let the little things get to you, or build up.

Oh so, wishing you well,

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

November 22, 2020

It was October 28th -

agitation and restless and compulsive movement and either sort of move from one foot to the other, or just pace back and forth either in one spot or in actually motion, and swaying side to side - I also have other involuntary movements such as muscle jerks, and mild facial ticks.

I don't have any local support and certainly the lockdown makes it harder, but I have rung some local support services to get some social care support,

5PM - Heart pounding, Panic, Pass out from sudden onset fatigue - have out of body experience and see myself covered in worm-like black mass - Think I'm possessed by a Dybbuk (unrest souls who attach themselves to living souls)
6PM: 12 step work with Sponsor

7PM: Call back from Doctor - doesn't believe my symptoms are withdrawals, tells me I shouldn't be taking out beads, I ask how he would taper and he says every other day, I tell him the half life is 12 hours so would be dangerous, he wants to do full bloods,
8PM: surge of nervous restless energy, overheating

10PM: Bike over to friends eat food,

1AM: Sleep, very agitated,

2AM: wake up gasping for air, unable to breath, overheating,

(wake up every hour as is usual)
--

7AM: Wake up, Panic, heart pounding, disorientated, confused, fatigued, muscle weakness, Nausea, Dizzy (Take meds 70mg Lisdexamfetamine, 3.2mg Duloxatine)
10AM: Wake up, part 2, panic, meditation, pacing confused, stomach cramps

11AM: Shower, dry heave blood, nausea, bloated,

12PM: Walk to doctors to get blood test - Walking fast, racing thoughts (mostly raging at the psychiatric industrial complex, and thinking back to how I first felt taking Prozac at 15, somewhere between grandiose or hopeful thinking of future activism )

1PM - Go to hospital to take blood test, get told to go here then there, then told I can't get it today, I go into complete autonomic dorsal shutdown, I sit outside the hospital, completely disconnected, unable to process any surroundings, tearing up but not feeling, can't stand up, fatigue, weakness, joint pain, depersonalised, derealised, confused,

2PM - able to move again, joints click, and head home, get really disoriented, directions don't make sense, walk around for about an hour trying to figure out where to go, agitated,

3PM Finally find bustop - Heart pounding on bus, rocking back and forth and just full body shaking

4PM - Read DBT book to look at distress tolerance, as this severity of panic is starting to really jar and debilitate me - Do some spiritual meditation followed by mindful laying down meditation,

5pm: 12 step meeting

--

I'm questioning if my next cut should be the Lisdexamfetamine rather than the Duloxatine - I feel the panic/ pounding heart might be made worse by it.

Would love any advice about food in my specific situation,

I currently eat: Gluten Free & Diary Free - Fish, Eggs + Bone Broth, Rice, GF Pasta, Rye Bread, Oats, Plant Milk, Fruit and Vegetables, Nuts, Potatoes, Pulses, Rice Noodles. I seem to react to most things, but the above foods less so in general but right now I'm reacting to everything. I find the whole process of eating difficult the buying planning, preparing, cooking, the eating, and the washing up.

Edited November 22, 2020 by ChessieCat
removed quote

November 23, 2020

Hi Dirtvoid--I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this. I can share advice I got about food that was helpful, although first I have to commiserate about how tiresome all the fixing and so forth is. I was told to boost my gut biome as much as I could. I've had good luck finally after years of terrible IBS by using sauerkraut, wheat bran, and a porridge of oat groats, barley pearls, and rye berries. I see you're dairy free. Since I'm not, I include kefir and yoghurt. Some seaweed varieties are also supposed to be useful.

I send you my best wishes,

Arbor

November 23, 2020

8 hours ago, dirtvoid said:

I ask how he would taper and he says every other day, I tell him the half life is 12 hours so would be dangerous

NEVER SKIP DOSES TO TAPER

You might find some helpful information in this member's topic:

☼-scallywag-cymbalta-skipping-doses-didnt-work-time-to-taper

Q: Are you taking your Cymbalta twice daily?

If not then you may be experiencing interdose withdrawal.

Scallywag created some graphs.

November 23, 2020

If you are only taking one dose of Cymbalta and wish to split the dose we generally suggest moving part of the dose by 1 hour each day, keeping notes to see how it affects your symptoms. Be alert for any changes to your sleep.

November 23, 2020

9 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

NEVER SKIP DOSES TO TAPER

You might find some helpful information in this member's topic:

☼-scallywag-cymbalta-skipping-doses-didnt-work-time-to-taper

Q: Are you taking your Cymbalta twice daily?

If not then you may be experiencing interdose withdrawal.

Scallywag created some graphs.

It honestly baffles me why doctors even suggest skipping doses, it makes zero logical sense to me

I am only taking it in the morning.

interdose withdrawal is likely, I appreciate the advice but I honestly feel I don't want to mess around with moving it around given my struggles with memory, dissociation, cognition fog and poor planning/organisation, I feel if I don't get that right, I could end up confusing my nervous system even more, my schedule is just too erratic, which is why I've taken to taken the pills first thing when I'm half asleep. I don't want to disregard the advice - also sleep is one thing I am not willing to risk any changes to, it's the one thing I have recovered from after benzos withdrawal, It's also my biggest addiction relapse trigger.

I didn't throw up this morning or have nausea - which is a plus but had fatigue, stiffness, tight muscles, weakness, - Panic/Overwhelm is still very intense and debilitating. I cried and had a panic attack because I wanted breakfast but couldn't sequence the tasks.

Interesting information I got is that my brother is struggling with similar things lately of feeling completely daunted by tasks and overwhelmed by getting things done, he accounts it to the SpLD we both have, he has never been on psychotropic medication, nor has been through the traumas I have. I guess that just gives me a bit of context for neurodiverse/genetic makeup.

November 23, 2020

10 hours ago, arbor said:

Hi Dirtvoid--I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this. I can share advice I got about food that was helpful, although first I have to commiserate about how tiresome all the fixing and so forth is. I was told to boost my gut biome as much as I could. I've had good luck finally after years of terrible IBS by using sauerkraut, wheat bran, and a porridge of oat groats, barley pearls, and rye berries. I see you're dairy free. Since I'm not, I include kefir and yoghurt. Some seaweed varieties are also supposed to be useful.

I send you my best wishes,

Arbor

Thank you for the commiseration and advise, I will go get some Sauerkraut ( i do love it) - and that porridge sounds good!

November 23, 2020

9 hours ago, dirtvoid said:

I am only taking it in the morning.

interdose withdrawal is likely, I appreciate the advice but I honestly feel I don't want to mess around with moving it around given my struggles with memory, dissociation, cognition fog and poor planning/organisation

These symptoms may be from interdose withdrawal. If you did your own personal daily symptom notes you might see a pattern of when the drug kicks in and when it starts to lessen.

November 24, 2020

Some information on interactions I dug up - from what I gather breaks decrease Testosterone, and accelerators increase it.
Also Omega-3 supposedly interacts with duloxetine (this is from NICE) any more info on this as almost every withdrawal group I've interacted with universally encourage Omega-3 supplements.

My panic was better yesterday right after I put on a David Magen - but I had a bunch of dissociative shut-downs while out in the world today because I had such trouble navigating getting a blood test and I didn't get it - I am doing better, but I can't cope with anything stressful in the slightest, and still find absolutely everything stressful.

November 25, 2020

One change I've made is moving the Lisdexamfetamine powder into a Vegan Capsule (initially I was growing concerned about the capsule not being Kosher, and wondering if I was reacting to the food dye.
Seems to have helped the agitation a bit,

January 16, 2021

Been a few months since I posted -

I'm down to 16 beads (2.52mg) Cymbalta - still on 70mg Lisdexamfetamine - not taking any supplements except occasional peppermint oil, sometimes take Buscopan - take Paracetamol only for mild non-W/D headaches.

Going through the motions of Waves and Windows - my last GP check up - my GP flagged showing possible signs of IBD (inflammatory Bowel Disease) since my stool sample had raised calprotectin - waiting for an appointment for the gastro doc. Not sure if this w/d or not but I feel it's important to get some clarity. My GI symptoms are severe

last 2 weeks went through some intense emotional waves of insomnia, obsessive thoughts hypersomia, very low mood, worse than usual cog fog, panic, suicidal despair, got very stuck in ludic loops on instagram - some things have come up from my past that has triggered me, it's January pandemic, and withdrawal it's been tough but feeling emotionally better now, I bought an sunlight alarm clock and that's helped -

Akathasia has been really bad - like awake all night

Physically really not good - very intense fatigue, very weak, aching, muscles, creaky and cracking joints, shoulder /wrist pain, I have neurodevelopmental hypotonia but it's even more debilitating in w/d

Symptom that has been bothering me as the frequency of it has increased is at times both in the day and night I lose totally muscle function, demonic black masses drag me and start pushing me down - It's like sleep paralysis but it happens several times a day. Sometimes I lose consciousness and see black worms like serpents swimming in my brain - The meaning I make out of this is that withdrawal has made me vulnerable to a Dybbuk. I'm not sure these are seizure type things which I am prone to (because of psychiatric drugs)

I'm not doing great but I'm surviving, I'm now living with understanding and compassionate roommates which helps, I have about 3-4 hours of function /activity - I am on disability benefits and accepting where I am at. I am finding a lot of solace in Religion and Spirituality and attending a Jewish recovery program 4x a week, I am doing service in NA, just joined a support group for my neurodevelopmental disability and I think that helps remind me to see what I am aiming for in terms of base-line and that not all of my struggles are from withdrawal. I pass my time meditating, reading, drawing, writing, playing music, self-hypnosis. Life has meaning and purpose. I practice radical amazement, I cling to any moment of joy and beauty I can find. I do my best to live in gratitude and connect with others. I am just exhausted and unwell, but taking as much responsibility for my healing as I can.

I do still struggle to take my pills the same time each day because of my erratic sleeping but c'est la vie I'm the one who has the bare the consequences of that.

Considering my history I'm doing okay and have a lot of belief in my capacity to get through this but I'm so tired of it.

dirtvoid: psychiatric survivor - year 3 of detox - 2 drugs to go

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