Alan1234: desperately seeking help

[Alan1234]

22 minutes ago, Alan1234 said:

My only question is about propylene glycol. Is there any other way of desolving diazepam without using this chemical that you know of? 
 

sorry I’m just trying to cut everything possible out that could be neurotoxic 

@Frogie ignore this message this is the state of my withdrawal brain. I need to trust you and follow advice. Apologies 

[Altostrata]

If diazepam helps, it may take you some months to stabilize.

 

Diazepam is available as a prescription liquid in the UK.

[Frogie]

4 hours ago, Alan1234 said:

@Frogie ignore this message this is the state of my withdrawal brain. I need to trust you and follow advice. Apologies 

you can disolve it in vodka also.

[Alan1234]

Symptom tracker 

 

06:00 up all night zero sleep, wave after wave or panic attacks, chest pains with intermittent brain spinning, tinnitus followed by violent split second jerks all night. Sat up all night online trying to destract

 

07:00 breakfast, constant palpitations 

08:00 in hospital since yesterday, bloods taken and informed not allowed to drink for next 8hrs, bloods taken, weight taken, urine collected every 30/90mins 

 

09:00 exhausted chest palpitations 

10:00 crying depression, panic, Brian spinning, chest falling

11:00 palpitations, anxiety Cont

15:00 crying depression 

16:00 high panic feel like I’m dying wave after wave brain spinning 

17:00 crying depression 

18:00 injected with vasopressin hormone 

18:15 allowed to drink water again still nil by mouth, high anxiety 

19:30 severe panic waves fear for my life how much longer I can carry on with the palpitations, chest discomfort, brain spinning vertigo feeling in chest again and again 

20:45 crying again wondering how I will get through the night, tried 3 different meditations couldn’t stop or calm waves trying to accept. Heart racing, palpitations, extreme fear, vertigo chest spinning 

21:00 exhausted took 0.5mg diazepam

21:15 wave after wave of terror and panic with chest palpitations 

22:30 unable to lie semi flat. Gave up on the internet as a distraction made more panic

23:00 tried to read a inspirational book, wave after wave of terror palpitations, chest vertigo heart flip flop symptoms

00:00 sat here can’t close my eyes as room spinning band chest flip flops causing fear and panic 

00:45 tried lying too much, had to leave light on, the dark causing more panic 

1:25 Brian continuously spinning chest tight, exhausted but even sat upright can’t close eyes brain spinning faster, feels like I can’t keep conscious but I’m still too scared or my body won’t let me, chest palpitations, chest flip flops, shear fear for me life. 
02:30 trying to hang in and accept so exhausted head spinning, fear for my life

 

03:30 heart spinning in same rhythm as brain. Over and over. Anxiety and panic mind ruminating. I’ve told all the nurses and Doctors I often don’t sleep any time for 5days. I can tell they don’t believe me or can’t comprehend or understand. I tell them I can’t sleep as my brain feels like I’m dying. I’m hoping to be discharged but after no sleep and the trauma of being in here and finding out about Diabetes inspidis. I know I’m in no fit state to walk out the ward later. I’ve been hear before and had fainting panic attack after stay in June for a week. I have no one to pick me up. I don’t know how I will manage to look after myself if I get home, how will I make it through these terrors and fears and when will I sleep? How will I manage, I need to sleep but I can’t I can’t stop the Brain spinning and spinning then the falling sensation in the brain which triggers the heart flip flop and falling and then leads to more palpitations and fear 

 

[Believer]

Alan,

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Are they certain you have DI, or are they running tests to confirm the diagnosis? I was scheduled for a 24 hour urine test for my polyuria (frequent urination) when it spontaneously resolved. At the time I wasn’t sleeping either and was having many of the same symptoms you’re describing. 
 

You’re in my prayers. Keep doing what you can to calm yourself.

 

Hugs,

Believer

[Rosetta]

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. -Rosetta

[Alan1234]

1 hour ago, Believer said:

Alan,

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Are they certain you have DI, or are they running tests to confirm the diagnosis? I was scheduled for a 24 hour urine test for my polyuria (frequent urination) when it spontaneously resolved. At the time I wasn’t sleeping either and was having many of the same symptoms you’re describing. 
 

You’re in my prayers. Keep doing what you can to calm yourself.

 

Hugs,

Believer

Hey thank you so much for your message. I hope you are healing well.

 

im awaiting the Doctor to come around and see me to confirm DI. The nurses told me very early into the test I have it. They have carried on the test much longer than normal as they are trying to ascertain which type i have. appjranterly there are 4 types of itZ so they are working out which type and how they will treat it for the last 12hours. Its interesting, as I lost a lot of volume but appears to be a overactive bladder involvement too. 
 

Tbh this is the whole reason I came of Venlafaxine at the start of Covid in 2020 as I was advised by my urologist that Venlafaxine was a potential cause of it . I had put up with it for 3yrs and never said anything or connected it with the medication if indeed that is the cause. That’s why I came off Venlafaxine quickly and ended up in protracted withdrawal as I was very badly advised on the taper and knew no different. 
 

I had a very successful career up until this point and was luckily enough to be working with some high profile clients across the USA at the time and some of them were great people also. 
 

I also find it very strange and it’s also making me apprehensive that i got diagnosed with low Testosterone and the hormone messages that instruct the testes  to make it at the around the same time I was withdrawal Venlafaxine March to May 2020 with eventual treatment starting Oct 2020 for that after taking 3 opinions. Why It interesting is potentially both conditions point to a pituitary gland disorder. Although I had a MRI scan to check for any tumours prior to commencing HRT. 
 

I am very apprehensive as the last thing I want to introduce is another drug and hormone into my system. 
ive been thinking about what @Rosettamentioned and ideally would like to stop the HRT but from taking advice form the leading Consultant in Europe he thinks and I agree until I’m stable this could be disaster. However the reason I want to come off is research suggests it’s very neurologically active so could indeed be contributing to my constant state of fight or flight and my bodies reaction/withdrawal recovery. I guess I just can’t take that gamble atm and i need to take advice on DI. 
 

Anxiety and not sleeping had definitely made my bladder worse but it has continued to gradually get worse over the last 4years going form 12 episodes to 20/24 episodes a day over the last 12mths so I do think it could improve on its own maybe back down to 12/14c but atm even though I’m housebound with the withdrawal i couldn’t go out without wearing a bag anyway as I can rarely last more than 30/45 mins through the day. Obviously this affect on my life also raises and anxiety and stress/depression which has no doubt also potentially affected my recovery. 
 

It was the cardiologist back in July who referred me for DI but they have been cancelled 3x due to Covid. He couldn’t find a structural cause of my VT in my heart which is usually the cause. I wonder why my urologist and also a previous endocrinologist opinion hadn’t felt the need to test it. If it helps my heart again this could really help my inappropriate/extreme panic/anxiety that feels very physically driven although again how much I’ve been through is now significantly affecting me also psychologically. 
 

Thank you for what you have done for me already. Your generously and kindness to me is amazing and I hope we can have shared healing energy form the other side of the world.

 

god bless 

 

 

[WithdrawalWarrior]

@Alan1234 hey Alan so sorry you are going through this. I hate that coming off these drugs can cause these kinds of problems. Keep pushing though man reading through this thread and seeing you persevere despite how brutal it’s been for you is inspiring for me to keep going and I’m sure others on here as well. Hope you get better soon.

[Alan1234]

I’m really scared my Brain won’t stop spinning. This is what started on the Vortioxetine.   But I was prescribed Zopliclone and propranolol to keep me on it as they said it couldn’t do that after the first tablet. By week 3 the head spins happened every night for more than an hour. Panic attacks they said and they can’t last that long. Then the drug transiently paralysed my face muscles and I was crying but no tears would come out.
 

im clearly in severe withdrawal from the Vortioxetine, Venlafaxine it’s only been a week and a half but the symptoms are unbearable and worse as constantly building day by day  now over the last week.
 

i think there also worse because I’ve stopped Zopliclone after nearly 6wks, even though I started on 7.5mg and tapered down to 1.8mg. I thought 0.5mg of diazepam seemed to help but now it’s doing nothing after 3 or 4 days I really can’t remember without sleep. I also haven’t took propranolol for a 4/5 days 

 

I really don’t know what I can do but I’m fighting trying to accept but the symptoms are unbearable. 
 

I was looking at the tapering advice for diazepam as now that doesn’t appear to help I don’t know if I should stop all.  But by just looking at how to taper  it has triggered more intense panic, brain spinning and palpitations. 
 

im stuck in hospital in a room with no windows and the brain spinning is so severe I can’t even get up to walk to the toilet. I don’t know how i will make it home or if it’s even safe to try to be home. I will be on my own for 2 days 

[AlanC]

Alan, when you talk about your brain spinning are you meaning dizziness, but without vertigo? You can’t keep your balance, but you don’t feel like you do if you spin round quickly? If it is, then it’s a known symptom of antidepressant withdrawal. It was actually on the patient information leaflet that came with my Citalopram tablets.

 

It’s something that happened to me, very badly, after the disastrous attempt by my doctor to switch me to Mirtazapine, it came back during the withdrawal from the Citalopram, and came back yet again when I had my first real wave three months after completing the taper.

 

At its worst it was very bad: I was holding onto the walls and furniture to get around the house. When I tried to walk to the local chemist it took about 45 minutes instead of the usual 15, and after that I started to use a stick to help me keep my balance when I had to go outside. It slowly got less, until walking outside wasn’t a problem, and in 2020 I was able to walk 7+ miles with no difficulty.

 

So hold on. It’s another one of those symptoms that are very bad to start with, but slowly go away with time.

[Alan1234]

2 hours ago, AlanC said:

Alan, when you talk about your brain spinning are you meaning dizziness, but without vertigo? You can’t keep your balance, but you don’t feel like you do if you spin round quickly? If it is, then it’s a known symptom of antidepressant withdrawal. It was actually on the patient information leaflet that came with my Citalopram tablets.

 

It’s something that happened to me, very badly, after the disastrous attempt by my doctor to switch me to Mirtazapine, it came back during the withdrawal from the Citalopram, and came back yet again when I had my first real wave three months after completing the taper.

 

At its worst it was very bad: I was holding onto the walls and furniture to get around the house. When I tried to walk to the local chemist it took about 45 minutes instead of the usual 15, and after that I started to use a stick to help me keep my balance when I had to go outside. It slowly got less, until walking outside wasn’t a problem, and in 2020 I was able to walk 7+ miles with no difficulty.

 

So hold on. It’s another one of those symptoms that are very bad to start with, but slowly go away with time.

Hi Alan

 

its hard to know it’s very severe dizziness. If I move my head quickly it’s like the sensation you get on your stomach on a roller coaster but in my brain. It constantly feels like it’s spinning it doesn’t go when sat down, it’s at its absolute worse if I even try to lie anywhere near horizontal. The spinning, then feels like vertigo and it’s speeded up when lying and a lot more severe. I’m unable to read or watch TV for more than a few mins otherwise it makes it a lot worse. 
 

yes I’m having to furniture and wall wall. It was always there lying down but not quite as severe since the Psychiatrist abruptly switched me to paroxetine from Mirtazapine in March then the CT after a week. The low dose reinstatement of Mirt helped for abit until the hospital woundlt perscribe in June when I was an inpatient with my heart. 
 

then as soon as I started the Vortioxetine on Oct 21 it was almost immediate. I made the mistake of letting the Psychiatrist bully me into staying on it for over 3.5wks while they convinced me to use propranolol and anti sickness to try and combat it. It wasn’t constant at this stage but it would just come on in waves in the early evening everyday. Then I developed panic attacks off the back of it because it was so severe and I didn’t know what it was everyday. As soon as I stoped the Vortioxetine it disappeared straight away and didn’t come back on Venlafaxine. Then one week off Venlafaxine and boom it’s constant and worse than ever. It’s like having your Brain in the tumble dryer. I find that when I don’t get any  sleep it’s even worse and the myotonic jerks accompany it 

[AlanC]

Alan, what you're describing sounds like a worse version of what happened to me (and still does, on occasion). It's not there all the time and can hit without warning. It's not just when I move, but also when I'm sitting: massive dizziness, but without the queasy feeling you get if you've been physically spinning round.

 

It's not a good combination with brain zaps, if you get those. The two together have, literally, knocked me down.

 

My experience is that it definitely does get better as you get further away from stopping the antidepressant that caused it, both in how often it happens and in how bad it is when it does happen.

 

I saw your post about the diabetes insipidus... It's just unbelievable: all the suffering caused by the drugs and then they cause something like that as well. I'm not surprised you're angry. 

[Alan1234]

6 minutes ago, AlanC said:

Alan, what you're describing sounds like a worse version of what happened to me (and still does, on occasion). It's not there all the time and can hit without warning. It's not just when I move, but also when I'm sitting: massive dizziness, but without the queasy feeling you get if you've been physically spinning round.

 

It's not a good combination with brain zaps, if you get those. The two together have, literally, knocked me down.

 

My experience is that it definitely does get better as you get further away from stopping the antidepressant that caused it, both in how often it happens and in how bad it is when it does happen.

 

I saw your post about the diabetes insipidus... It's just unbelievable: all the suffering caused by the drugs and then they cause something like that as well. I'm not surprised you're angry. 

Thanks for your reply. I’m literally hanging on for my life. Looking for small windows in the day. I’m exhausted, I’ve now developed a phobia and am terrified to nod off as the head spinning triggers my brain to feel like it’s falling in a sky dive and then the taser like chest thumps jolt me so I can’t sleep. It’s doing it now even at 30deg incline I can’t tolerate. 
 

my system was already trashed from June when the hospital wouldn’t prescribe mirt for a week. And then going to try vort/Ven is the stupidest thing one could do.

 

I need to change the record now, all these symptoms aand feelings are withdrawal, I need to overcome, if I only knew then 20mths again what I know now. I really need to stop all this complaining and whining on here looking for answers from everyone else. 
 

I need to change my whole thought process it’s not fair on anyone on here having to keep reading it and I need to stop typing it and reprogram my brain and stop looking sympathy 

[AlanC]

Alan, the purpose of this site isn't just to provide tapering advice, it's to provide peer support as well. Going through all this by yourself, without anyone to talk to would be terrible. Being able to ask other people who may have experienced the same symptoms as you whether what's happening is something you need to worry about or whether it's a part of the withdrawal that's happened to them as well can help take away the anxiety: you'll know that it will end sooner or later.

 

Some time ago I had a series of visual migraines. I hadn't got a clue what they were, all I knew was that I was seeing weird jagged coloured patterns in my vision that were the same in both my eyes. It was frightening because I didn't understand what was happening. BrassMonkey replied to my post since they're something he has experienced from time to time and just knowing what they were, that they were harmless, and that they would likely go away, was a tremendous help.

 

So talk on your thread when something is worrying you. It's part of what the site is for.

[Alan1234]

18 minutes ago, AlanC said:

Alan, the purpose of this site isn't just to provide tapering advice, it's to provide peer support as well. Going through all this by yourself, without anyone to talk to would be terrible. Being able to ask other people who may have experienced the same symptoms as you whether what's happening is something you need to worry about or whether it's a part of the withdrawal that's happened to them as well can help take away the anxiety: you'll know that it will end sooner or later.

 

Some time ago I had a series of visual migraines. I hadn't got a clue what they were, all I knew was that I was seeing weird jagged coloured patterns in my vision that were the same in both my eyes. It was frightening because I didn't understand what was happening. BrassMonkey replied to my post since they're something he has experienced from time to time and just knowing what they were, that they were harmless, and that they would likely go away, was a tremendous help.

 

So talk on your thread when something is worrying you. It's part of what the site is for.

Ok great. That’s good i have you guys to talk to. I told my mother what is wrong with me and she looked at me like I’m crazy. All my friends have mostly given up on me and think iI’m crazy as all I’ve done is tell them a million and one different symptoms when they’ve asked how I am. I’ve tried to drop withdrawal in but they I have just distanced themselves away . I now am just mindful I’m not keeping my mind positive. As you know almost each day a new symptom can be added to the collection. I need to try and blank them out and acknowledge without complaining so much  

[Alan1234]

On 12/8/2021 at 5:56 AM, WithdrawalWarrior said:

@Alan1234 hey Alan so sorry you are going through this. I hate that coming off these drugs can cause these kinds of problems. Keep pushing though man reading through this thread and seeing you persevere despite how brutal it’s been for you is inspiring for me to keep going and I’m sure others on here as well. Hope you get better soon.

Hey thanks for the message!

yes f#k these horrible drugs and f#k the idiots that prescribe them and don’t warn you of the dangers or even every bother to review or monitor them and f#l big pharma and all their corruption, lies and deceit.

 

One thing they can never take is our spirit, yes they’ve f#ked me, devastated my life and my family but I’m going to make it back and do my best for my family however long it takes I’m not giving up 

[WithdrawalWarrior]

@Alan1234 well spoken brother you are a true warrior and inspiration! I’m going through lexapro withdrawal right now and at times it feels so dark and hopeless so I hope to build that same spirit. All the best man and hope things get better for you as soon as possible. ❤️
 

-WithdrawalWarrior 

[Rosetta]

Thinking of you. Yes, never give up!  I hope you can go home from the hospital soon. Rosetta 

[Faure]

You are amazing Alan1234, keep going

[Alan1234]

@Altostrata I’m home from the hospital. They wanted to keep me in but it was making me severely worse. I didn’t sleep a wink all the nights I was in their and I was stuck in room with no windows. My head spinning went that bad I couldn’t lie flat and I couldn’t tolerate watching tv or having the artificial lights on. I couldn’t even walk to the bathroom with out wall walking due to the dizziness and balance issues. I was getting so agitated and it was raising all my panic, palpitations, severe anxiety and myoclonus jerks when trying to sleep I could only sit up all night. I had to fight but eventually they let me out. 
 

The first night out I slept on and off for 10hrs the most I’ve slept in 12mths.

After that I even managed to build a dining set for my wife. Went out for a walk for 30mins very slowly with some vertigo/spinning symptoms and at night time went out to a men’s support group! This was my best day for a mont. I’ve realised any TV and reading for more than 10mins and bright lights are a trigger for me. Something must be acting through the vestibular system 

 

however last night I couldn’t sleep a wink again despite the head spinning not being as bad as it’s been. It’s really frustrating with the sleep as I just feel if I could get sleep on a consistent basis the. I could mentally push through and handle all this and get so much better.

 

im really at a key point I need to make crucial decisions:

 

should I just stop the 0.5mg diazepam it’s not working as a sleep aid consistently at this dose?

 

should I restart Zopliclone at 7.5mg and take it everyday for 1/2wks and see if it gives me regular sleep?

 

Do i stop diazepam and fall back into not sleeping a wink for 3/5days and repeat and see how long i can last and how it’s affecting my health ( I know since October that it makes all my symptoms much worse not sleeping)

 

Not sleeping so much is driving the continued withdrawal I’m sure however I’m scared of creating a dependence on another drug that might not give me the sleep other than 1/2wks initially and then the taper might kill me?

 

so should I trial a higher dose of diazepam/Zopliclone for 1/2/3 wks and make a decision? Would someone be able to advise on how to taper those drugs and at what rate if a failed trial takes place ? 

 

 

[Alan1234]

I’ve realised that I’m taking a vast array of supplements to try to help withdrawal. Please can I have advice on what supplements to stop and if I need to taper them?

 

prior to withdrawal 

i took vit B complex, Vit D. Zinc 15mg and occasionally Vit C and a cod liver oil

 

Now I’m taking daily :

AM 

omega 3s 900mg

 

Zinc Picolinate 50mg (supposed to help anxiety)

 

potassium citrate 1000mg

 

 Vitamin D 800iu

 

CoQ-10 100mg

 

Vit B complex with high dose Thiamin 5mg, B12-250mcg, Biotin 300mcg

 

 

PM before bed 

 

Magnesium Citrate 400mg

[Rosetta]

Hi, Alan,
 

I’m so glad you are home and that you were able to sleep.
 

By the way, I didn’t mean that the TAPER kill you.  I meant that a cold turkey of diazepam would be a threat to your life, and not directly, but by worsening your withdrawal symptoms.

 

Supplements are always a risk because many cause adverse reactions in people who have WD. Very few need to be tapered.  The potassium might be keeping your salt levels up, and that could be a good thing.  If you continue to have the urinary issue that problem can cause low salt levels.  Low salt levels can be dangerous.  Your heart needs a certain balance of potassium to water in order to function properly.

 

Diazepam will do more than help you sleep.  As long as you are not having a bad reaction, it might be worth it, in my opinion, given that your doctor seems to have agreed to let you take a low dose for a few (months?).  It’s not clear exactly what he said, but you don’t expect to quit abruptly after 4 weeks, correct?  Please keep posting your notes so that the Mods can watch for bad reactions, ok?

 

Rosetta

 

[Altostrata]

@Alan1234 how did you decide on taking 0.5mg diazepam?

 

On 12/5/2021 at 1:15 PM, Altostrata said:

 

I cannot predict if diazepam will work for you. Be sure to start with a micro-dose to see what it does.

 

Your paradoxical reaction after taking it shows 0.5mg is too much.

 

If I were you, I'd cut the dose to 0.25mg per day.

[Alan1234]

2 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Hi, Alan,
 

I’m so glad you are home and that you were able to sleep.
 

By the way, I didn’t mean that the TAPER kill you.  I meant that a cold turkey of diazepam would be a threat to your life, and not directly, but by worsening your withdrawal symptoms.

 

Supplements are always a risk because many cause adverse reactions in people who have WD. Very few need to be tapered.  The potassium might be keeping your salt levels up, and that could be a good thing.  If you continue to have the urinary issue that problem can cause low salt levels.  Low salt levels can be dangerous.  Your heart needs a certain balance of potassium to water in order to function properly.

 

Diazepam will do more than help you sleep.  As long as you are not having a bad reaction, it might be worth it, in my opinion, given that your doctor seems to have agreed to let you take a low dose for a few (months?).  It’s not clear exactly what he said, but you don’t expect to quit abruptly after 4 weeks, correct?  Please keep posting your notes so that the Mods can watch for bad reactions, ok?

 

Rosetta

 

Yes the diazepam at such a low dose doesn’t appear to be working. I felt that as I’m I such a state maybe I should cut my loses now? 
 

as I’m only taking 0.5mg a night and for a short time and with it being such a long half life that I could be able to stop it now at 0.5mg as it will still be in my system for 6 half life’s of at least 100hrs so it will take a few weeks to get out of my system so is that not a natural taper ?

[Alan1234]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

@Alan1234 how did you decide on taking 0.5mg diazepam?

 

 

Your paradoxical reaction after taking it shows 0.5mg is too much.

 

If I were you, I'd cut the dose to 0.25mg per day.

I decided on that dose for three reasons. Firstly as I’m in such a sensitive and bad state with so many symptoms I didn’t want to risk more. Secondly I thought the lowest dose that might help would in the long run would cause the least harm and be the easiest to get off in the long term. Thirdly my doctor prescribed 2mg tablets so 0.5mg was the easiest accurate dose I could achieve with a pill cutter by quartering the tablets 

 

of course I may not be giving the diazepam long enough also so perhaps I should consider giving it two more weeks?

 

however if I stop now on such a low dose for a short time with the drugs half life then it will naturally taper out of my system with hopefully no adverse affects? 
 

The paradoxical reaction could well be withdrawal symptoms from the combined 5wks of Vortioxetine and Venlafaxine that I took between Oct 21-Nov 26. The symptoms I’m getting now are identical to the symptoms o got  from day 1 of Vortioxetine. 

[Altostrata]

This is my best guess, @Alan1234

7 hours ago, Altostrata said:

....

Your paradoxical reaction after taking it shows 0.5mg is too much.

 

If I were you, I'd cut the dose to 0.25mg per day.

 

[Alan1234]

6 hours ago, Altostrata said:

This is my best guess, @Alan1234

 

Ok thanks 

[Alan1234]

I’m not sure if I should stop the 0.25mg of Diazepam 

 

I’m in a constant state of severe anxiety, panic attacks, agitation and terrors.

 

The diazepam clearly isn’t working.

it worked as a one off at a higher dose. But if I’m like this now I’m not sure I’m strong enough to go on a regular dose and have to go through another withdrawal on top of this latest anti depressant one. I’ve been on anti depressants over 20yrs and over 5 in the last 2years each one have never been tapered correctly, firstly through ignorance and then abrupt stopping under direction from Psychiatrists. I’m fighting for my life every day  

[Altostrata]

How long have you been taking 0.25mg diazepam?

 

It takes at least 2 weeks for a diazepam dosage change to take full effect.

 

If I were you, Alan, I'd stop making ad hoc decisions about changing my drugs.

[Alan1234]

15 hours ago, Altostrata said:

How long have you been taking 0.25mg diazepam?

 

It takes at least 2 weeks for a diazepam dosage change to take full effect.

 

If I were you, Alan, I'd stop making ad hoc decisions about changing my drugs.

I haven’t even been taking 0.5mg for two weeks yet 

[Alan1234]

The anxiety and heart terrors have kept me awake for the last 3 nights again and seem to be getting worse not better. The cramps in my calf’s and morning nerve pains have progressed to bilateral nerve pains down both legs. There so painful and I’m so weak I’m now bedridden. 
 

Diazepam in the doses I’m taking aren’t helping one bit. I’m too scared to updose to say 2mg as my Doctor suggested. I feel this will make me better maybe as a one off or on the odd occasion but I fear that I’m simply not well enough to then try to taper off this drug in the future. I’m not mentally well enough to get liquids and jugs and syringes to make a fluid mixture. My arms all shake, my vision is double and the thought of it all is too overwhelming with anxiety. I can’t fill out forms or watch TV without severe stress. 
 

 

[Rosetta]

Hi, Alan,

I am thinking of you.  I know that’s not really of any help.  I was in a similar state at one time.  It’s very difficult.  I don’t have any quick fixes.  All I can say is that you will heal.  
 

It’s true that changing things when you feel bad will make things worse, usually.  At this point, what you do or take does not immediately affect you the way you might think.  Over the course of days, the drugs have an effect.  So, you won’t see a one-to-one correlation.  That is part of what makes AD withdrawal so hard to manage.  I wish we could see that.  I hope you have had some sleep. -Rosetta

[arbor]

Dear @Alan1234

Please know my gratitude to you for posting here, as I struggle with the symptoms you describe.  I know the unbearableness of these feelings.  You are not alone.  You're not crazy.  Thank heavens for the reports of other members that this will heal.  It's so hard to imagine during the grip of this horror.

Arbor🙏

[Alan1234]

39 minutes ago, arbor said:

Dear @Alan1234

Please know my gratitude to you for posting here, as I struggle with the symptoms you describe.  I know the unbearableness of these feelings.  You are not alone.  You're not crazy.  Thank heavens for the reports of other members that this will heal.  It's so hard to imagine during the grip of this horror.

Arbor🙏

Thank you Arbor. Wishing you speedy healing 

[Alan1234]

On 12/16/2021 at 1:34 AM, Rosetta said:

Hi, Alan,

I am thinking of you.  I know that’s not really of any help.  I was in a similar state at one time.  It’s very difficult.  I don’t have any quick fixes.  All I can say is that you will heal.  
 

It’s true that changing things when you feel bad will make things worse, usually.  At this point, what you do or take does not immediately affect you the way you might think.  Over the course of days, the drugs have an effect.  So, you won’t see a one-to-one correlation.  That is part of what makes AD withdrawal so hard to manage.  I wish we could see that.  I hope you have had some sleep. -Rosetta

Thank you Rosetta 

you speak the truth 

that is the hard part I really have no insight into it I’m improving or getting worse. My only gauge being last Christmas I felt well enough and managed to get out and buy family Christmas presents. This Christmas that feels like a lifetime away and I’m simply not capable. I hope my daughters don’t think I don’t care. All I can give them is a card and some money. I will use this to gauge my long term progress maybe, hopefully I will be well enough to to get out again one day and get out of myself to think of others and take pleasure in planning and thinking about gifts for other people 

 

god bless 

[mva96]

The hell doesn’t last Alan, hang in there. It’s astounding how severe the symptoms can be, especially when in a acute withdrawal.
 

it will get better, try not to be hard on yourself about not partaking in Christmas as you’d like