Mountainsky: off multiple drugs

[getofflex]

On 2/14/2023 at 12:24 PM, Mountainsky said:

what do you do if you infact think this med is harming you?

To see if you are having an adverse reaction to the drug, you should do a daily drug and symptoms journal.  Pay attention to how you feel in the several hours after you take your drug.  

 

Keep track of taking your drug, symptoms, eating, sleeping, etc.  Write the time on the left, and describe the event on the right.  Pay attention especially to how you feel before, and then after, you take your drug. Please do this for 24 hours, and post an entry in here for each 24 hour period.  Here is an example: 

 

January 31, 2023

6 AM woke with anxiety

8 am took 2.5 mg lexapro

10 am stomach is upset

10:30 am ate breakfast

11:35 am got a headache, lasted one hour

12:35 ate lunch

4 pm feel a bit better

5 pm took 2.5 mg lexapro

6 pm ate dinner

9:20 pm headache 

10:00 pm took 50 mg Seroquel

10:30 pm feeling dizzy

10:30 pm fell asleep 

2:30 am woke, took 3 mg Ambien

2:45 am fell asleep

4:30 am woke, but got back to sleep 

 

 

[getofflex]

On 2/14/2023 at 12:24 PM, Mountainsky said:

I've been holding at 75mg since July

but your signature indicates you are holding on 100 mg.  Which is it?  When did you go from 100 mg to 75 mg?  Please add the answer to this in your signature.  

[Altostrata]

Yes, your daily symptom notes are what we need here. 

 

@Mountainsky please add dates to 

Quote

Zoloft reinstated  25mg 1 week , 50 mg 1 week later, 100mg 2 weeks later.

 

[Mountainsky]

My phones about to die. I'll update signature later.  Still waiting on therapist to make consult for EMDR

[Mountainsky]

Signature updated

[Mountainsky]

Im tired guys. Tired of this loud hypervigilent brain. Tired of this body pain. Tired of this fatigue. Tired if these fears and worries. Tired of these nightmares. Tired of thinking I'll never have a family, by the time I've heal it'll be too late. I never ever imagined my life at almost 38 yrs old would be like this.

 

Tired of feeling as though this isn't my life but other people's and I'm always living under someone else's thumb. Tired of feeling I'm not good enough, my jobs not good enough, my pays's not good enough, I'm not eating the right foods. 

 

I had a followup with my therapist last night, i've seen her for about 18 months now...I bawled my eyes out for maybe only the second time with her. It's hard being vulnerable even with a therapist but last night I just couldn't hang tough anymore. 

[Doctorsrcrap]

Hey sweetie. 

I know its hard. Well hard isnt even enough to do it justice. Inhumane torture is closer but still doesn't quite reach the mark does it? 

I know what you mean.... I'm in my thirties and feel like the best years of my life have been stolen and ate continuing to be stolen from me. All because I trusted people to help me. It's unbelievably cruel. 

I'm glad you managed to have a good emotional session with your therapist thats great. If you can't be vulnerable with them then who can you. I gave up with therapy after a while they just started to get on my nerves more than anything else. 

Good luck on your journey and whatever you do.... keep going 

[Doctorsrcrap]

Hey sweetie. 

I know its hard. Well hard isnt even enough to do it justice. Inhumane torture is closer but still doesn't quite reach the mark does it? 

I know what you mean.... I'm in my thirties and feel like the best years of my life have been stolen and ate continuing to be stolen from me. All because I trusted people to help me. It's unbelievably cruel. 

I'm glad you managed to have a good emotional session with your therapist thats great. If you can't be vulnerable with them then who can you. I gave up with therapy after a while they just started to get on my nerves more than anything else. 

Good luck on your journey and whatever you do.... keep going 

[Mountainsky]

Thank you.  ❤️

 

I just emailed my Lyme doctor to see if she could run a mono test on me. I asked her this about a week ago and she suggested trying B vitamins for energy and support due to my tick born illnesses and mycotoxins. I'm angry and ready to fly off the handle.

 

Something is NOT right. My hair contines to fall out too. This isn't helping my anxiety one bit. I'm feeling very flu like off and on for a month now.

 

I don't have the type of position at my job to work from home yet. I CAN'T cut back on my hours or do a short term leave of absence,  financially it would kill me. I'm not asking for the moon, I just want answers.

[Doctorsrcrap]

It's ridiculous really. It's your body yet it's impossible to get people to listen. Like you don't have a right to know what's wrong with you. My doctor refused to run a thyroid check! That's just basic!

[AnnaRetlaw]

So sorry for your suffering. I know it seems like you are wasting your 30’s being sick, but I am much older. I wonder if I will have ANY life left if/ when I recover or if I will be like this for the rest of my life. I wish I would have done this in my 30’s. So its all relative.There is NO good time to go through emotional and physical hell. 
I can’t work so I am trying to do some hobbies I used to do like refurbishing furniture. Everything seems to go wrong and I end up in meltdowns all the time. 
I can’t snowboard or do anything I would normally do. I’m afraid that by the time I’m recovered I’ll be too old to snowboard.

You still have lots of life ahead of you. Lots of life! Be patient with yourself and the process.

[Mountainsky]

Sick of this. No mono test,  she put in the usual routine orders and a thyroid panel...all normal as I expected. I don't get it. Nobody knows anymore what to do. It could be 1 of 50 things, or all 50! Just suffer and lose even more years of my life and more $$$ I work my a** to earn to figure out what's wrong and have a better life.

[Mountainsky]

How do people date/become social with this?  Not saying I want to marry and have a child in 6 months but how do you go on with life? Eventually I do want a family. I'm turnimg 38 in 2 weeks the clock is ticking. I'm just so so sick.  My parents are in their 60s and have more energy. I work with a woman who is 72 and has more spark and energy!!!!!!  Working fulltime kills me ( even though I love my job!). This chronic fatigue is breaking me. 4 years is too long. Is it going to be another 4? Everyday I feel as though I'm wasting my life.

[Hanna72]

Hi @Mountainsky

Sorry to hear that you are suffering like this. I totally get your frustration, I have experienced this also, comparing myself to others, not understanding why I have to go through this and what would actually be my gain. 
However, when I go to that road of comparison and negativity it never brings anything to me but  feeling even worse then I actually feel. 
Does not serve me at all. 
You are living your life as the best you can with what you have. You are unique in your own way, and deserving of all that this life has to offer. 
Everyone has good and bad days even though we think others must be doing much better then we are. 
Our thoughts and what we put our focus on has a lot to do with how our emotions react. 
Feed your mind with some positivity even though you might not want to do it. 
Know that you are able to get what ever you want out of life, but we might need to work harder at it, and in the end it will only make us stronger.

Our minds are powerful, choice to select which thoughts are going to serve you going forward.

Rooting for you, you can do this!

 

 

 

 

[Mountainsky]

Anyone on here 4+ years out ( esp Paxil ) and feeling only WORSE?

[Mountainsky]

Very rough weekend. At my parent's and can barely function. Intrusive thoughts, paranoia, body pain, horrible exhaustion i don't even think I can work or drive much longer. I can't even enjoy my new apartment I've had for 4 months now. I feel some things are too good to be true and the only good things in my life ( ,the very few I have in my life) are gonna be taken from me. I feel like I'm going psychotic. My Lyme doc won't listen. I have nobody. My psych NP says its been too long and I should try a new med. I'm so sick of people saying "time"  "just give it time you're really healing".  No, this is BS guys sorry.  Any more of this I'll probably be hospitalized. After a while how much is too much?

[Mountainsky]

Scared, upset begging God just to take me if there is no hope. My car is on its last legs now. My symptoms physical and mental are still bad. Celebrated my 38th bday a week ago, bittersweet. I "accidentally" saw a job posting at work,  a job I've been trying to get for over 2 years and now I'm thinking the worst...is it because I'm chronically ill they won't give it to me? I applied to it anyway its more $ and working from home, perfect!!!! It's what I actually went to college for and that i am certified in. My job is my sanctuary, what if this turns out bad too? Something they're not telling me? I found out over the weekend some estranged family members are having their first child in a few months and another one got married last summer. Look at me the black sheep of the family.

[Mountainsky]

Well there are 2 available job positions now vacant at work,I've held out for for over 2 yrs waiting and they're finally available.....NOBODY told me, I found out about these jobs "accidently". Both were more $ and working from home, perfect for me.

One was entry level too. I applied as an internal candidate and guess what? NO response.  Just when I think things cannot get worse they are, my job of all places.... they only place I feel safe, needed, respected and happy. 1 step forward 5 steps back.

[Mountainsky]

Guys I am not alright. I read that the worse it gets that means true healing is right around the corner, this is not the case for me anymore. I am having horrible delusions and paranoia. I am fighting so much with my family. The psychosis is horrible I feel like my brain is literally shaking with worry. Nothings going right and now more crap outside of my health. I cannot catch a break in every avenue of my life. The anxiety? Forget it. This isn't normal. My fatigue and body pain is the same. I have my 2 week followup with my therapist tomorrow, I feel she can't help me anymore.

[RachelSusan]

@Mountainsky I am sorry to read your post. It sounds like absolute torture. I am a Zoloft survivor so I have a ton of compassion for you.

 

I hope you hear from the job people. I know these things can take months and months for them to sort through. It doesn't make it any easier or better for you, just the way it is sometimes. I do believe, (my belief only) that other times the  jobs posted aren't really open, that it is just a way to catch a bunch of new resumes to see what is going on with people out there in the job market. Again, my belief only. Good luck.

[Mountainsky]

I have no idea whats going on work wise. This to happen of all times. More car trouble to boot. I am beyond physically exhausted. Sometimes I think the more I try and work hard the sicker I am.  Does hard work really pay off?  I can't be there for alot of ppl now, I cannot imagine going back out into the dating world. I eventually want to meet someone and have a family but with these health hardships I think ( as of right now)  it's impossible.  I told someone I should just quit my job and leave my awesome and gorgeous apartment....that'll be the next thing that's taken from me right?  Just quit, walk away from everything. I can live in a slum and just stay in bed all day and night.  I went to a friend's birthday brunch last weekend, sat at the end of the table and listened to other ppls happy stories, it was nice to live through their happiness vicariously. As soon as I left and got into my car everything hit me at once...that's not gonna be me.

[Mountainsky]

Does anyone have petechiae? It's getting more prominent on my body now. I worry because with WD and on- going health issues it could be 1 of literally 100 things.

[Chompoo]

@Mountainsky yes, petechiae is a withdrawal symptom.

From the thread below:
 

Hi @sofasogoodHow are you doing?  yes, I should have remembered that so many of us have intolerances.  I was very itchy in the beginning.  Now I'm less so.  It's good that the keto and carnivore diet has been working.  I have a friend who swears by it.  I also wanted to comment on the little red dots as well as the bigger spot.  I understand that the little dots are a side effect of the AD's.  I got them while on the drugs, then during the acute phase of CT w/d, they multiplied like crazy.  I think they're called Petechiae in English, though I like blood sponges better.  Now I'm not getting them.  The bigger spots showed up around my knees during acute w/d, then faded away.  I think they were also drug related.  Sigh, these drugs are so bad for us.  I do hope you're feeling better.

Best wishes,

Arbor

 

[Mountainsky]

Yes this very well seems like the culprit, thank you. I googled "petechiae and antidepressants" and immediately Zoloft came up (that's the current med I'm withdrawing from)

[Mountainsky]

I ordered a book through Amazon about getting through WD written by Balyissa Frederick.  There were a few others I am interested to purchase but they're through Kindle which I don't have. Also I prefer regular hardcopy books vs anything online since I work and sit in front of a computer all day. There are 2 books I want regarding Paxil withdrawal but I cannot seem to find hardcopies anywhere. Any suggestions??

[Greatful]

@Mountainsky I have her book Recovery and Renewal.... I found it helpful and have gone back to from time to time....  

Sending you encouragement...🌞

[Mountainsky]

Yes that's the one I have (forgot the the name lol). 

[Mountainsky]

So sick right now, painful body aches, scratchy throat, migraine, chills, sweats and I temp of 102. I had to stay home from work today and very well might  need to tomorrow as well.I'm so scared, mentally physically I'm falling apart. No sleep last night, awake every hour, had a nightmare. I feel like I'm gonna have a psychotic break. I'm too upset. I'm don't know how much more I can go. Ppl say time is healing us, well time is taking too long and probably doing more harm.

[Mountainsky]

Welp, just tested positive for Covid. Waiting on the pharmacy to fill the Paxlovid.

[Mountainsky]

Day 2 of Covid. Having bad worry. I've suffered so much physically and mentally with so many ailments, not just WD. I worry what if Covid pushes/sets me back even further?? What if I get long-haulers Covid and can't return to work and lose my new awesome apartment??? 

[Mountainsky]

This chronic fatigue is ruining my life. How do I lead a normal life with this? This isn't life.

[Mountainsky]

Is it normal at almost 54 months to feel AWFUL still post Paxil withdrawal? I feel I am only getting worse guys!  I'm scared come on! I've heard months ago feeling worse is "good" because it's a sign of longer windows and more healing....well, not me.

[Mountainsky]

Done with the 10%/4week crap. No matter what I feel like awful. I don't care anymore. My life is ruined, I'm losing everything l, for what? Taking a leap of faith and speeding up my taper off Zoloft. This drug is doing more harm than good anyway. I'm dealing with many other medical ailments as it is, treatment for so many things and the only difference? I'm more broke financially. At the rate I'm going by this time next year I'll probably be in a wheelchair chair, homeless and jobless so who cares anymore. Did I expect a miracle anyway? Nope. The harder I strive and work for a better life I go 1 step forward  100 steps back.

 

[Mountainsky]

What exactly is neural emotions? Is what I'm experiencing this? I'm having alot of anxiety and intrusive thoughts, memories and flashbacks of a toxic relationship.

 

Everything happened in the same time 4 years ago, the bad relationship, fast taper off of Paxil and entering treatment for lyme disease. I'm not the same anymore. My outlook on life is a complete 180 now. I am afraid of everything. I never had so much fear for my future. I can't get away from these thoughts and feel I'm being judged and always under someone's thumb.  I don't feel emotionally safe around anyone, esp men. I'm so sick.

 

I wanted to get married, have kids and now the thought of simple casual dating is paralyzing me with fear. I know my clock is ticking I'm a 38 yr old woman but I cannot go out and move on, I don't want to. I barely can work fulltime.

 

I'm juggling so much and I'm scared everyday. Never ever thought my life would take such a nose dive. I regret meeting my now ex, he encouraged me to stop the Paxil, helped me get into Lyme disease treatment which made me WORSE, the toxicity of our relationship permanently scarred me and I can't him out of my mind. Sometimes I think it's all my fault. I wasnt a perfect girlfriend either but I'm so angry why I stayed with him as long as I did and lied to my family and friends. My former therapist said I suffered from "trauma bonding". I wish it was September 2018 again when I first met my ex. I would change so much. That's the last time I felt normal, sure I still was having issues but not like this!!!!!! I was a glowing woman. A beautiful glowing woman who had hopes, dreams, confidence, loved to be intimate sexually.

 

I've said to a few people that there is something worse than death....living a life of pain emotionally and physically.

[Mountainsky]

Anyone with sheer terror, torment, body pain and fatigue after Paxil? I'm 54 months off today.

[Mountainsky]

Anyone?