Piep: Coming off 10 years of Lexapro and 6 weeks of Paxil

[Piep]

Hi all,

 

I'm grateful to have found this place.

I have the feeling I'm going to stick around here for a while...

 

My medication history is as follows:

 

January 2010: start Lexapro 10mg for anxiety attacks due to college-related stress. History of health-OCD. 

Summer 2014: start tapering Lexapro 

February 2015: crash at 1.25mg Lexapro. 8 months of depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation.

April 2015: reinstated 20mg Lexapro

November 2015 - June 2021: tapered Lexapro from 20mg to 10mg

9th June 9 2021: crashed. Severe panic attacks, immediate suicidal ideation. Not sure whether this is from W/D since this happened at 10mg of Lexapro?

Updosed to 12mg Lexapro.

Updosed to 15mg Lexapro.

 

15 August 2021: hospitalised with severe clinical depression with OCD-treats. 

In 8 weeks time, doctors updose Lexapro to 20mg, then down again to 10mg. They add Seroquell up to 200mg (but got RLS because of this). Seroquell was stopped again.

 

15 October 2021: further hospitalised, where I follow therapies like CBT, DBT, MBT, MFN, ... 

1 November 2021: doctors switch Lexapro to Paxil for ongoing anxiety and OCD. 1 week of 10mg, 2 weeks of 20mg. Helps with mood and energy but anxiety is still high. Feel mania-like.

Sex drive highly increased when coming off the Lexapro, but by the time I reach a dose of 20mg Paxil, I feel completely numb.

29 November 2021: Paxil down again to 10mg.

2 December 2021: Paxil down to 5mg.

5 December 2021: 0mg Paxil.

W/D starts with severe anxiety attacks, insomnia, inner restlessness, brain zaps, nausea, dizziness.

9 December 2021: reinstated 5mg Paxil. W/D symptoms reside, anxiety and despair remain. 

 

24 December 2021: added 25mg Anafranil (clomipramine) for anxiety and OCD.

After 2 doses, complete anhedonia sets in. I feel detached from everything and everyone. 

Also sex drive (arousal, libido) is completely lost, I fear for PSSD. 

28 December 2021: take last dose of clomipramine 25mg.

 

I had hoped that the anhedonia would be triggered by the clomipramine and that by quitting this, my feelings would return.

Unfortunately I did not experience this. My guess is that the Paxil might cause this, as well as causing the complete loss of sex drive. 

 

1 January 2022: quit 5mg Paxil (which I was on since about November 1 2021). 

 

Since then, I have had severe anhedonia (or DP/DR?). It scares the hell out of me, I feel so detached. I expect the other W/D symptoms will come as well... I again feel suicidal, but now in a more rational way. I cannot see myself living a life without emotions. For someone who's a HSP, this is the complete opposite of what I have always been.

 

I really do not want to take the Paxil any longer, since it destroyed my sex drive and I fear it will continue to do this for as long as I take it.

 

I'm also not sure whether I should reinstate anything, and which of these three meds? 

 

To make things even more complicated, the doctor at the hospital urged me to updose the clomipramine to 50mg. But I really don't dare to take it, since I was already so emotionally anesthetized at 25mg.

 

I guess my main questions right now are:

- Will this anhedonia go away? Is it likely to be medicine- of W/D-related? I never had this before, not even when struggling with depression. It feels so chemically induced.

- Could I really have PSSD from only 6 weeks on Paxil? Is it likely that this will go away as well?

- Should I reinstate? But which medicine, and at which dose? I really fear the anhedonia and the loss of libido and I am certain this is caused by the meds so I am very reluctant to take these again...

 

It is so hard to realise what these drugs have taken away from me. I literally feel gutted now that my emotions are taken away from me. I feel there is nothing of me left anymore... 

 

I'm sure I will update here again when other W/D-symptoms come up. 

 

Thank you very much for any given support.

 

 

 

 

[Frogie]

@Piep

 

Welcome to SA. We are a volunteer ran site to help people in tapering off medications such as what you were/are on.

 

This is your page where you can ask questions, make comments, read links that we provide to you and meet new members that are going through or have gone through some of the same things you are. We ask that each member only keep one page/thread so we can keep all your information in one place so anyone on here will be able to help you. 

 

Could you please create a signature so we can see exactly what you have been on or on currently? Then it is a quick reference for all of us on here.

 

Instructions:  Withdrawal History Signature

 

If I'm reading this correctly, you were put on Lexapro, up to 20 mg, then switched to Paxil? Then January 1, 2022 you quit the 5 mg Paxil cold turkey. Is that correct?

 

You are experiencing major withdrawal symptoms if that is correct.

 

I'm going to give you some links to read. 

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

What to Expect in Reinstatement (James Heaney article)

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen's WD Symptoms Checklist

 

What is Withdrawal Syndrome?

 

Brain Remodelling

 

Anhedonia, apathy, demotivation, emotional numbness

 

 

 

We don't suggest supplements on here except 2 which seem to help some members. If you decide to try them, take one in a small amount and wait a few days before tying the other.

 

Magnesium

 

Omega-3 Fish Oil

 

Could you keep notes for a few days and post them so we know exactly how you are feeling?

 

Keep Notes on Paper

 

Just from reading what you wrote, at this point I would suggest you start back on 2 mg Paxil and see how you do. Because Paxil is the last antidepressant that you were taken off of. It takes about 4 days for it to regulate in your system. You don't want to start out on a high dose, but we can always increase it if necessary.

 

I'm very sorry you are going through this. I know it's very difficult.

 

Please read the links, don't hesitate to ask any questions you may have at anytime. 

 

Please let us know what you think. Hang in there.

 

 

Edited January 3, 2022 by Frogie

[Piep]

Today I woke without the anxiety, but still with severe anhedonia and SI.

 

I feel so irresponsible to go in against my doctor's advice and NOT try the clomipramine, but it was this drug that triggered the anhedonia in the first place. 

 

The alternative is to sit through this W/D but I'm really not sure whether I have the strength and stamina to do this. 

 

Thank you for your insights and support. 

[Frogie]

@Piep

 

Because you only took the clomipramine for a few days, I would not go back on it.

 

I hope I answered your questions above.