ExtraSpearmint: introduction

[ExtraSpearmint]

As of today, I am one week away from 3 months off of Prozac.  I am healing.  Each week I’m improving.  It’s slow, steady and a long journey from this time last year.  There are days that are quite painful. But overall, I’m doing pretty good.  

 

[ExtraSpearmint]

Some days I wonder if I can do this.  Some days it’s so difficult I can’t wait for bedtime.  Some days, I don’t know how I’m gonna do this.  Some days I cry out of pure frustration.  I’ve never made it more than three months off an antidepressant.  I am battling fear big time.  I have some really close friends who check on me through texts or calls.  They support me through prayer.  They’re there for me and that’s so important.  Sunday, my husband and I met with a family couple for our small prayer group and I cried on her shoulder while she hugged and kissed me.  I felt so comforted by her.  I know that I’m at a place that I have to dig in, hold on and let God continue healing me.  I’d be greatly appreciative if it wasn’t so painful sometimes.  Then I look at all the things I continue to do as I live my life.  And it’s a full life.  I encourage family and friends by visiting, praying or giving them little gifts.  I ride my electric bike at least three days a week.  Once, I rode it 20 miles on one ride alone.  I live in a very hilly area.  It’s beautiful.  I pick a nephew up twice a week from school and bring him home with me until his bedtime.  I visit my toddler nieces once a week and we play the whole time I’m there.  I’m good for about two or three hours.  I’m hoping that soon, I can play with them for longer.  Two weeks ago I learned to mow with my husbands zero turn mower.  He has had it for year.  Last year I didn’t have the mental or emotional strength to bother to learn it.  (Today, I mowed our two acre lawn again.  We need a smaller lawn.)  I lost two great-aunts last summer.  In October, my stepdad died of complications of dementia.  It was a long goodbye and the last two weeks of his life were so frightening to him.  Last night, a nephew of mine and I played hide and seek.  He cheats😉.  The goats ran around with us.  My dog Molly, she passed in February of this year, she used to give my hiding place away by sitting just far enough away for her to be seen.  She loved it.  I have been back into counseling since late February or early March.  My psychologist of 12 years off and on retired last December.  So, my last year was full of goodbyes.  I sleep well most of the time.  I don’t hurt nearly as badly in my body.  I’ve come a good distance in the last three months.  I’ve worked so hard for my healing over these last almost 18 years.  I’ve faced and dealt with so many fears.  I’m so tired.  Even with all of the success and healing, I’m so tired tonight.  Thanks for letting me vent.  Hope and health to all.

[ExtraSpearmint]

Figured out why this last week was so hard.  I had lowered my Ativan dose by 1/4 mgs because I felt over medicated and too sleepy to drive.  That put me into a withdrawal mode for several days at the beginning of week two. Things began to improve yesterday.  Prozac had a very stimulating effect on me.  Being two days from 3 months off prozac, my dose of Ativan was too high.  Now I am more sensitive to dose changes with my Ativan.  I would love to be off of Ativan and will be discussing that with my psychiatrist at my next appointment.  I sure don’t want to rush going into another tapering off of a drug.  I would love to be off the zolpidem, too.  

[ExtraSpearmint]

I am not finding this site very helpful or encouraging to me personally.  I won’t be posting or visiting here anymore.  For those few of you who have reached out to me, I appreciate that so much and I pray healing for all of you.