LanaCoFireBird: Lamictal withdrawal and recovery

[LanaCoFireBird]

Not a very eventful update but my taper is well stabilized and I’m doing my best managing the other stuff in my life.
feel the switch to liquid went smoothly, especially now that I’m doing it right. 
 

 

 The rehoming day for my doggo kept getting pushed out but it’s tomorrow and I have a lot of feelings and grief  but I’m going to be ok, I also have some virus going around but it’s not Covid, I have lost my voice though and communicating through spoken words and doing errands have been mildly frustrating. 
 

i think if I weren’t sick I’d get to experience that exciting lift, healing  and rediscovery period that comes during the last 2 weeks of each taper and I’m eager to enjoy it. 

[LanaCoFireBird]

I feel really low and alone today, not taper or withdrawal related because Ive stabilized and have felt steady for a over a week but life event related.

 

I got in a fight with my closest and only solid friend just now and I've losing my beloved dog andre tomorrow and feel utterly alone in this world at the moment. my anxious attachment style and fear of abandonment is raging right now on both fronts and I'm scared about going through the rest of the withdrawal journey and whatever comes after that alone in this world. and heartbroken from loneliness. which is what I feel and fear right now. I'm wanting extra support in this upcoming grief. Which I don't have because I manage to screw up human relationships a lot and not have stability in that.

I'm realizing most of my human relationships are defined by this raging fear of abandonment and that andre has been there for the hardest times in my life; a life altering breakup,  the darkest moments of the pandemic and numerous other times, I can't say the same for any human in my life, ever.

[ChessieCat]

You are going through a really tough time at the moment with the rehoming of Andre.  It is a major life stressor.  What you are going through is normal.  You are grieving and it is better to allow yourself to grieve and not bottle it up.

 

When I had to have my dog Freckles euthanised my daughter gave me some very good advice.  She told me to set an alarm for several times a day and "check in with myself" to see how I was feeling.  So instead of letting emotions and stress build up to the maximum and then have to deal with that I was able to use some non drug coping techniques, including relaxing, and it helped me to manage the situation better.  I've lost lots of pets (all sorts: fish, mice, rats, cats, dogs and birds) over the years (I literally cried all night when my budgie died) and I think I get more upset over them than I do people.

 

It is good to have a cry, treat yourself gently, perhaps do something special as a remembering for Andre because even though he hasn't died you are still being impacted the same way.  One thing that I find helpful is to try to remember the good times and if the animal was sick or injured then they are no longer in pain.  For you, you can think about the fact that Andre gave you a lot of love whilst you had him and that he will be sharing that love with a new family, so you are sharing him with someone else.  If you have some photos you could make up an album of the times you shared with him.  It can be as simple or as fancy as you want to make it.  And even if you never look at it again, just the act of creating it will bring back the lovely memories of the times you had together.

 

Please take good care of yourself.  As far as your tapering, just hold on the dose you are on.  Now is not the time to be putting your body under more stress.

 

But please do make sure that you take your dose.  When we are stressed it can be very easy to forget to take it or take it twice.  You don't want to add that into the mix.

[ChessieCat]

And please post a photo here in this topic and also state that he is being rehomed.  I'm sure other members when they find out will provide some support and encouragement.

 

pets-and-love-aww-post-your-pics-here

 

[LanaCoFireBird]

Wanted to thank @ChessieCat and everyone else for their support here when times felt hard. Even though I haven't been able to reply in full, I deeply appreciate it.

[LanaCoFireBird]

It seems my last 2 tapers have been going smoothly, as has my switch to liquid.  doing a slow and steady 10% on the first of the month.

 

While I haven't noticed any significant withdrawal symptoms other than first few days of the brain fog, forgetfulness, sensory issues and irritability, I also haven't been able to enjoy my progress fully. Usually once the withdrawal subsides I enjoy several weeks of feeling better on less meds and clarity and recovering parts of myself I didn't know I lost. It's quite lovely. There was too much life stuff going on in October to fully appreciate that, rehoming my sweet puppers, going no contact with my mom, some really bad workplace drama and betrayal, and getting a respiratory bug for a week.

 

Started my November taper to 61 on the first but got covid two days later. I decided to continue with the new dose. 

I'm sure most of the symptoms I'm experiencing are covid plus I got really bad brain fog when I got it before. 

Going through withdrawal at the same time as covid is actually ideal in a way, I can rest and take off work and just give my body time to recover on both fronts. I can stay away from stressful situations, which is a luxury I'm not usually able to afford. Symptoms are manageable but blurring together. I'm hoping my covid recovery is uncomplicated, getting it is always uncertain and scary in some sense.

 

Supplement wise, I'm anemic and there's been a gap in my iron supplement and my order got delayed so I've been without iron for 2 weeks. I'm also out of magnesium and can't wait till that order gets in.

I feel a little off but not too thrown off.

[manymoretodays]

On 11/5/2022 at 11:54 PM, LanaCoFireBird said:

Going through withdrawal at the same time as covid is actually ideal in a way, I can rest and take off work and just give my body time to recover on both fronts. I can stay away from stressful situations, which is a luxury I'm not usually able to afford. Symptoms are manageable but blurring together. I'm hoping my covid recovery is uncomplicated, getting it is always uncertain and scary in some sense.

 

Supplement wise, I'm anemic and there's been a gap in my iron supplement and my order got delayed so I've been without iron for 2 weeks. I'm also out of magnesium and can't wait till that order gets in.

I feel a little off but not too thrown off.

 

Go LanaCoFireBird!  This is an awesome update.  I love the positive spin on the unfortunate circumstance of getting Covid.

 

I read 61 mg of Lamictal at present, most recent taper, and HOLDING until it has been a whole month.  Then you'll do 10% off Lamictal again.

61 X 0.90= 54.9 mg for your next total dose, if doing a full 10% taper

61 X 0.95 = 57.9 mg if doing just a 5% taper next

I mean you might change your mind and you know not to race to the finish line.

 

Get dose changes into your signature please.

AccountSettings/signature/updates/edits

 

You have and can do hard stuff, have gotten through some hard stuff.  I am proud of you LCFB.  It's not always easy is it?

 

Hugs,And best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[LanaCoFireBird]

I think I have some residual covid brain fog, because it feels very different than my initial taper brain fog and this one has been steady stubborn and persistent all month and just feels different than that and with no moodiness or other things that usually come with the tapering

 

It's also impossible to know what's what because I got sick with covid right as I was tapering, but I still suspect residual covid.

 

Frustrating to have to content with that ontop of the meds because I really want to be clearheaded and think deeply because it's one of main reasons I want to come off of meds and it's already a slow long road to get there. Being creative, thinking deeply and writing are really important parts of my identity and I'm frustrated with these delays.

 

Overall though the taper was smooth this month, not much to report

[LanaCoFireBird]

planning on tapering down to 55 next month and starting off the new year with 50

[LanaCoFireBird]

meanwhile, I'll search for covid brain fog and find ways to get through it and minimize it

[LanaCoFireBird]

Just wanted to thank everyone who supported me here and witnessed me in this journey. 
I’m not well and something has to give.
my demons are winning and I’m tired of fighting them and feeling completely chaotic and out of control and I don’t know 

 

It’s not med related… I’ve had smooth taper weeks and beyond. So much life stuff and family stuff is going on and I feel stuck in the same toxic patterns over and over and im dizzy from going in circles.
 

 

There’s a lot of pain and lonliness in my inner world and I don’t know where to start. I dream of another world where I belong somehow and where life has more meaning and connection. It’s so lonely being here and I’m tired and want to seek that out. 
i was not strong enough, both in general and for this journey. I wish I was. I wish I belonged and was strong enough to live as myself in a world where I don’t fit.  I know what I want to do moving forward. Thank you all for everything and for this beautiful community. You are doing wonderful work and I believe in you. 

[LanaCoFireBird]

Over the course of this year I made it down to 55 mgs. Though I didn’t accomplish much this year, that’s something 

[LanaCoFireBird]

If anyone has space, can I have some support? I'm reaching a real big low.

 

a big part of me wants to continue this med withdrawal journey and this journey called life but lately I haven't been feeling strong enough to live as myself without meds. I worry the me underneath the meds is no good and people were right to want a toned down numbed out version of me.

[manymoretodays]

On 12/26/2022 at 5:15 PM, LanaCoFireBird said:

Over the course of this year I made it down to 55 mgs. Though I didn’t accomplish much this year, that’s something 

 

Yes.  This is huge ^  !!!

 

11 hours ago, LanaCoFireBird said:

If anyone has space, can I have some support? I'm reaching a real big low.

 

a big part of me wants to continue this med withdrawal journey and this journey called life but lately I haven't been feeling strong enough to live as myself without meds. I worry the me underneath the meds is no good and people were right to want a toned down numbed out version of me.

 

Could be a bit of seasonal influence LanaCoFireBird......do you think?  Still more dark than light.  Not a lot of natural sunlight.  Holidays.....memories, constant slideshows in your head perhaps of days gone by or days to come in a negative way? 

Oh my gosh......and family sometimes can be so very difficult.  Sounds like you've had more family interaction too.

 

You just had Covid too LanaCo!  By gosh, cut yourself some slack and give yourself some gentle understanding.

 

You were doing it, and doing so well.......

Anything happen or did anyone say something to you that was upsetting?  Sometimes it is so easy to spiral.

 

You will find your way again and your courage to find your path again.  It's never without some glitches along the way.  I have not found that.  It's hard work.

 

Helps:

Dealing with emotional spirals

Change the Channel

Rebuilding self-confidence, accepting anxiety

 

Keep on posting LanaCo.  Let us know how this evolves.  A Wave.  Man they can be tough.

Try to just sing, or write some free form stuff, or poems, express through movement or dance or yoga poses.  Sometimes we just think too much.

 

And I am so sorry you feel so down and discouraged right now.  Big hugs.  Been there.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited December 28, 2022 by manymoretodays
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[LanaCoFireBird]

20 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Could be a bit of seasonal influence LanaCoFireBird......do you think?  Still more dark than light.  Not a lot of natural sunlight.  Holidays.....memories, constant slideshows in your head perhaps of days gone by or days to come in a negative way? 

Oh my gosh......and family sometimes can be so very difficult.  Sounds like you've had more family interaction too.

I always struggle with this season, light feels harder when daylight savings hit. My mom did something incredibly unsafe and I had to go no contact with her and low contact with dad as a result. it's been a long time coming. I miss them but staying connected is not good for me or my nervous system.

I've been deeply emotional about that, it being the first Christmas without my dog and I spiraled, and got into a fight with my best friend, made some poor choices during that said fight and I think I'll permanently lose the level of closeness I want with her. My heart is absolutely broken and after talking with her I have a gut feeling there's no coming back from that. I trigger her a lot and feel deeply unstable. I've been baseline unstable during the holidays and leading up to that

I've been having trouble moving, getting out of bed, eating or finding hope. Everything tastes gross and feels flat and I'm spiraling deeper into my sadness.

 

 

Ive been doing some inner family systems work and had a really helpful vulnerable conversation with shame. I know there are ways I can heal and show up better and I'm trying but it doesn't feel good enough. the truth of it all, is I miss my best friend and feel deeply lonely. It's just not the same and not going to be the same.

 

I had energy for a hike and got some daylight for the first time in over a week.  but as it grows darker, I feel sad again.

 

Also, I read some posts and looked at taper timelines and used brassmonkey's formula for calculating the exit dose. If I persist and keep to that schedule, the earliest I'll be done is December 2027 and that feels so far away to have to wait to find my way back to myself. I know I have to go slow and safe but another part of me feels hopeless and restless about the road ahead of me, and upset I started the meds in the first place.

 

To be fair, I don't think my sadness is med related. but just I'll always be having some form of that humming in the background.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[LanaCoFireBird]

20 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

 

Yes.  This is huge ^  !!!

 

 

Could be a bit of seasonal influence LanaCoFireBird......do you think?  Still more dark than light.  Not a lot of natural sunlight.  Holidays.....memories, constant slideshows in your head perhaps of days gone by or days to come in a negative way? 

Oh my gosh......and family sometimes can be so very difficult.  Sounds like you've had more family interaction too.

 

You just had Covid too LanaCo!  By gosh, cut yourself some slack and give yourself some gentle understanding.

 

You were doing it, and doing so well.......

Anything happen or did anyone say something to you that was upsetting?  Sometimes it is so easy to spiral.

 

You will find your way again and your courage to find your path again.  It's never without some glitches along the way.  I have not found that.  It's hard work.

 

Helps:

Dealing with emotional spirals

Change the Channel

Rebuilding self-confidence, accepting anxiety

 

Keep on posting LanaCo.  Let us know how this evolves.  A Wave.  Man they can be tough.

Try to just sing, or write some free form stuff, or poems, express through movement or dance or yoga poses.  Sometimes we just think too much.

 

And I am so sorry you feel so down and discouraged right now.  Big hugs.  Been there.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Hugs! and thank you, that means a lot to me and I'll definitely check out those links and try to make some music.

[LanaCoFireBird]

Tapered down to 50 mgs today and trying to keep up some healthy habits up. I was debating staying on 55 for a month and a half because of life stuff but decided that my body is doing quite alright with the taper and that I need to manage the rest of my life better. When I got depressed I stayed in a dark room and hardly moved didn’t eat much for a week and i spiraled. I didn’t exercise (which has been so critical for my mood and brain fog) and I didn’t meditate.  So much fell to the wayside the 2nd half of the month. And I’m really trying to keep steady and keep momentum going. I took a walk and ate my lunch in the park, worked out on the trampoline for 15 mins and I’d like to meditate for 15 mins after I drink some tea. 
 

 

I’ve also been discouraged by how long the road ahead of me is and how long it will take for me to fully return to myself.  I believe I’m set to do my exit dose December 1st 2025 (as my earliest date)and it feels so far away. I’m going to double check to see if I calculated right. I was at 150 in spring 2022. 
i know why slow is safe and best  but I’m also holding feelings of impatience even when I’m decidedly going slow and know not to budge from that. 

 

 

I’m wondering what my 50-0 journey will be like. I’ve read things about the low doses of lamictal being tricky. That said,

I appreciate all the help and guidance I found here as I tapered from 150-50 and Now that I’m in a good grove and am doing ok with liquid measurements. 

[manymoretodays]

Good job LanaCoFirebird, with the situational and family.  Oh my gosh......that can be the toughest.

Alrighty then.  Down to 50 mg Lamictal!  I know that was your goal for the New Year.  So great.

On 1/1/2023 at 5:47 PM, LanaCoFireBird said:

I’ve also been discouraged by how long the road ahead of me is and how long it will take for me to fully return to myself.  I believe I’m set to do my exit dose December 1st 2025 (as my earliest date)and it feels so far away. I’m going to double check to see if I calculated right. I was at 150 in spring 2022. 
i know why slow is safe and best  but I’m also holding feelings of impatience even when I’m decidedly going slow and know not to budge from that. 

 

LanaCo, I think you've seen moments or time frames of feeling/being the self you want to return to.  Don't you.

In 6 months time, you'll be down to 25 mg, with a basic 10% taper off each previous dosage, and 4 week holds.  No problem if you decide to go even slower or by less than 10%.  Listen to LanaCoFirebirds body and spirit and mind.  Whatever they tell you, all in agreement......go with that. 

Patience for me, well......I had untold amounts of as a kid.  I had to completely relearn that aspect of personality with tapering and WD.  Unfortunate, but also a skill that has helped in other areas of my own life.  So hone it.......your patience.  Build it up.  Make it strong.

 

I hear you getting wiser, and growing, and moving towards this new LanaCo.  Maybe you'll be a Peacedove next......LOL.  I am slap happy this evening.  Be a Peacedove.  Yes.  LOL.

 

Keep posting, keep us updated.  Ask, and ask again if any questions or need for more information and input.  Okay?

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[LanaCoFireBird]

Day 3 taper update:
 

 

slowing down and doing 4 week holds instead of 3 has beeen really helpful for me. (And before I got here some of my cuts were a bit more than 10%

my withdrawal symptoms are now short and manageable. 
 

i just felt moderately crummy the first day with moodiness, irritability, mild intermittent headaches, sensory issues (sensitive to touch and sound)  and mild digestion issues. 
Then a mild version of it yesterday and just sensory issues today. 
 

i know with my pattern brain fog comes later and lingers the longest but with the smaller cuts and right lengths for the holds, it’s just annoying but not disruptive. 
i feel I’m getting to a rhythm of windows and waves.  I know I need to keep to myself and keep things low key that first day and keep things somewhat light on the 2nd day but I’m completely able to work and get through my day on day 3

just feeling a little depleted and sensory overloaded but I’m trying to restore balance by spending time under a weighted blanket with chai tea, binaural beats and Joni Mitchell. 

 

 

today I’m also feeling slightly sad from my life issues, namely around not wanting to lose closeness with my friend and knowing I hurry her with moodiness and reactivity. I want to be better and just manage those parts of me better 

[manymoretodays]

Excellent update.  Thank you LanaCoFirebird(peacedove).

I know......sorry for the friend issues.  It can be so hard sometimes.  Keep in mind that it isn't all you.....don't put yourself to blame and shame.  Relationships take two people who want to work at it, both must be invested.  You know that.  I'm still sorry though, and sad.  It gets easier over time.  Hoping a new friend appears soon for you.

 

Oh......well good.  Joni Mitchell.  Yay!

And.....do see and add to:

Music.....what music helps you? Put it here.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

[manymoretodays]

Eh, now you've got me listening to Joni Mitchell and tearing up a bit.......what??!!!

I think with me, now, it's age.....the tears from time to time.  I get so touched sometimes.  That's what they are about.

Oh well.  Sorry to do me on your thread.  Thanks for the space though.

[LanaCoFireBird]

Just an update: this one’s kind of uneventful. Everything is just going slow and steady. Some brain fog but mild. 
sometimes I worry about the impact of Covid in my brain and think about that. But I feel my tapering has been slow and steady and I’ve been generally taking good care of myself. 
 

ive decided I might hold for February, not because things are going bad but because I love being in 50 mgs and having it just be 2 25s and not having to prep Or measure my dose at all and I’d like to enjoy another month of that. So I’m partly doing it out of laziness. 🙃 I also feel I  want more stability before I taper again. I liked when I held for 2 months and saw really big improvements, and that it went beyond having a smooth taper but I could just witness my brain healing. I really loved that and want to remember how that feels. I want to remind myself of why I’m tapering. These last 3 months with the taper have been smooth and slow improvements but nothing felt especially rewarding or like progress or healing. 

[LanaCoFireBird]

I’m having a hard time tonight with low mood. Not withdrawal related because I’m sitting on 50 mgs for 2 months and am right in the middle of it. 
 

my periods are really bad and I get mood swings on  day 2-3 rather than before and I’m in the midst of one and everything feels bleak and empty. Im thinking about feeling stuck and how empty certain parts of my life feel and how  I don’t know what to do with the lack of certainty for when my lease is up with my roommate. She might be moving to Chicago and our friendship has been up and down and currently experiencing a little dip but I’d like to think it’s been healing over all. I don’t know what she’s doing or what I’m doing.  The idea of living in a studio in portland sounds lonely and like every part of town would have some kind of memory and make me feel sad but I love some parts about living alone, but right now it mostly feels lonely and sad and the thought of saying goodbye to my closest friend here feels heart wrenching. The idea of suddenly moving to a new city has its appeal and sometimes this city is deeply depressing but change feels really hard as well. 
 

i also am iron deficient and ran out of my supplments and let them lapse for a month but recently started again, but I feel my bad periods impact my mood and iron levels this time of month so it would make sense that I’m feeling especially low

 

im also depressed about my struggle to have conversations and put things into words and how my thoughts are always a lot deeper and more musing and probing than my words are. I feel trapped and I’m afraid people will make assumptions or try to speak for me when i struggle to talk. This has been a struggle with withdrawal and lamictal in general and it’s maddening and sometimes feels heartbreaking. Like I’m trapped inside myself. 
 

 one of my high school friends passed away yesterday and I’ve been in a big funk. 
 

im feeling lonely and alone in all these things I’ve mentioned. I’m glad I’m not contending with a taper ontop of this because I feel all these things need to stabilize. 

 

[LanaCoFireBird]

My taper plan is to go down to 45 on 3/1/23

[LanaCoFireBird]

I’ve been also feeling really bad about my brain and struggling with words. I’m worried about people judging me for losing the words and sometimes not being able to find them in the first place.  Is there a term for this? 
 

it’s also hard not to go down a shame spiral around this. 
 

i struggle much more with speech and spoken words. With writing I feel I have a better grip and generally feel more successful in communicating. So maybe writing more is key 

[LanaCoFireBird]

Also, I have fears about permanent irreversible brain damage from being in the lamictal and the other stuff. 
 

i want to believe that it’s all reversible and that I can heal fully but I’m scared that’s not true and I’m feeling sad About that fact. 

[LanaCoFireBird]

The actual taper is going fine, and I'm stable but I get sad at times. I feel I'm no longer fully there and I don't know if parts of me are gone forever. I've been medicated in some form or another since I was  was 8 with only a handful of years where I wasn't on anything and was probably in withdrawal for some of those

 

 

Parts of this journey are feeling excruciatingly lonely at times. I'm wishing I could talk to more people about what I'm going through and have someone get it. friend's can empathize but do they truly get what its like; what it's like to lose your words and what it's like to  have thoughts persistently feel chaotic and disorganized. what it's like to know you were able to think deeply before but to no have access to those parts of your brain, but having the deep desire to go back to those places. or worst of all  what  it's like to lose parts of yourself and be trapped inside yourself and not knowing if you'll come back all the way.

 

I want to find community here but I'm struggling and I feel lonely outside of here even when I have friends. they don't fully get how lonely this med and withdrawal journey has been. And I know I have a long road ahead of me with the lower doses and end game being more intense. 

 

I'm at 50 and it feels I have such a long way to go

 

Symptom wise it's manageable but with some very persistent parts, I've found some good tools and I know what to do when things get rough, and sometimes that involves waiting things out. That doesn't mean I'm not wrestling with symptoms; I have them and I feel distress about them sometimes. I struggle to focus and prioritize and am more disorganized that I was before. I feel very spacey and my speech feels off.I feel irritable and am having some sensory issues and headaches. Plus the usual speech and brain fog stuff, which has been stable and persistent this month.

I've been emotionally stable and handling myself well but all this brain stuff is disheartening.

 

I haven't tapered since Jan 1st and I'm nervous about what's  ahead. 

I wonder if I'll like my brain once I'm fully off lamictal and fully recovered or if I'm able to recover.

I'll be tapering to 45 on March 1st. I know it's time. I know I've been stable, but I'm just feeling discouraged.

 

with each taper before this, I feel there's been a win of some sorts and a feeling that I've made some progress in recovery,  that parts of of my brain and parts of myself are coming back. Those wins remind me why I'm doing this. I haven't felt that with this taper. It's been stagnant. I guess you can argue that I've been emotionally stable and haven't had any time where I lost control or had a full breakdown, I've been able to observe myself and use my skills.

a big part of this is that I've been consciously working on myself and learning new skills so I don't have a break down. I'm not sure it's related to withdrawal recovery.

 

 

Anyway, this is long. I could use some support or words or encouragement or some kind of reminder that things get better on the other side.

 

[LanaCoFireBird]

I'm feeling really lonely in all my brain stuff today and would love if I could find community both here  and elsewhere of people who get what I'm going through and would  I'd like some tips. Is there a Facebook group? are there better ways of connecting here that I'm missing? 

I've found ample support and advice here when withdrawal feels hard and going gets tough or iI'm in crisis  but now I'm just struggling with this moderately lonely and hard place. 

[littlebird]

11 minutes ago, LanaCoFireBird said:

I'm feeling really lonely in all my brain stuff today and would love if I could find community both here  and elsewhere of people who get what I'm going through

 

Also feeling rather lonely in my brain today, yet struggling to connect in person with neighbors and partner. I just want to hide away, yet not feel lonesome! WD is so flipping tough sometimes. It is nice to talk to people on here who get it!

 

11 minutes ago, LanaCoFireBird said:

are there better ways of connecting here that I'm missing? 

 

I've been playing around with looking at what other people are posting and jumping in, as some lovely folks jumped in on my thread. 

 

10 hours ago, LanaCoFireBird said:

I could use some support or words or encouragement or some kind of reminder that things get better on the other side.

 

I wish I knew how it was on the other side, but I can offer encouragement! What we're doing is incredibly hard. Especially since you've been medicated since childhood, I was since my early teens, our brains developed with meds. They've got work around restructuring to do for sure, but it is possible for healing to happen.

 

On 2/6/2023 at 8:23 PM, LanaCoFireBird said:

i want to believe that it’s all reversible and that I can heal fully but I’m scared that’s not true and I’m feeling sad About that fact. 

 

Scientists continue to learn about the healing power of the brain! There's so much we don't know or understand about it, but it does seem like the brain is more pliable and has much more potential to heal than previously thought. As the experts themselves say, "We know so little about the brain."

 

BUT, as we learn more, we learn how wrong things were for so long. For example the myth of chemical imbalance. Or that brain damage was permanent, now we know our brains are more plastic.

 

I hope your day improves!

[LanaCoFireBird]

It's been awhile since I've updated. did another taper, which was only mildly eventful. I noticed some improvements with cognitive stuff over March but I struggled with mood near the end of march from some life event some and PMS has felt more pronounced during withdrawal. my mood always tanks around the same time each month and I'm trying to do things differently to help maintain more equilibrium and not be so reactive and impulsive emotionally. The moodiness came near the end of the month and is like clock-work, and while unpleasant, overall manageable, 3 weeks away from the taper and I'm doing 10% so I'm pretty sure it's not a withdrawal thing and more of a life thing.

 

As the beginning of the month is starting, it's time to taper down to 41.5. I'm getting nervous because there's a lot going on in my life but I don't want to hold and feel ready and resilient enough to keep moving. considering a micro taper or  a slow step down to get to 41.5, like going down 1mg or 0.5mg every day until I land on 41.5. Has anyone had any luck with that?

[LanaCoFireBird]

also, I have a magnesium question:

I remember reading a great post here on magnesium and which types work well for what.  I'm having trouble finding it even with the search. Does anyone know what I'm talking about who can link me to it or offer some advice?

I'm taking magnesium glycinate. I take it in the morning  and occasionally through out the day. I'm hoping to better manage anxiety, which has been one of the more persistent symptoms for me.  It's been really helpful, especially as I start to take it more regularly.

 

Is this the right kind for anxiety and withdrawal support, or is there a better kind or should I leave well enough alone?

 

I've also went back to the prn propranolol in high anxiety moments during the last half of march, I'd like to stop that because I want to be off of it and I was for awhile, and I was doing well. I did need something acute at those moments. but wanting to lean back towards natural and supportive life practices 

[LanaCoFireBird]

I decided to try easing my way into my next cut. and I'll hold that cut for a month. I went from 45 to 40 by reducing a ml a day this week and I have arrived at 40.  I'm feeling decent and pretty average for this stage of the withdrawal. slight headache and  slightly lower mood, mild body aches but no digestive symptoms ( I got those before I found this group and was tapering too hastily). 

This is very normal for where I am.  And easing in felt good, I also only got these symptoms for several hours mid day but I don't feel headaches or body aches anymore. just more subdued and low energy. nothing to report really, I'm glad this is a boring uneventful taper.

 

At this point in the taper I also cut corners and rounded down to 40 instead of 4.5 because I feel I'm doing really well and that I can.

I won't be cutting corners in the future as I get down to the 30s 20s and beyond but I feel at this point in the taper (I'm not down to the small numbers just yet) , the size of the cut, I felt I could get away with it and made an informed decision to do this.

 

 

[LanaCoFireBird]

On 4/2/2023 at 12:43 PM, LanaCoFireBird said:

also, I have a magnesium question:

I remember reading a great post here on magnesium and which types work well for what.  I'm having trouble finding it even with the search. Does anyone know what I'm talking about who can link me to it or offer some advice?

I'm taking magnesium glycinate. I take it in the morning  and occasionally through out the day. I'm hoping to better manage anxiety, which has been one of the more persistent symptoms for me.  It's been really helpful, especially as I start to take it more regularly.

 

Is this the right kind for anxiety and withdrawal support, or is there a better kind or should I leave well enough alone?

 

I've also went back to the prn propranolol in high anxiety moments during the last half of march, I'd like to stop that because I want to be off of it and I was for awhile, and I was doing well. I did need something acute at those moments. but wanting to lean back towards natural and supportive life practices 

Also, bumping this magnesium question. I would love to find that post and more information. thanks in advance. Also, seeing this post is a reminder to myself to take my magnesium tonight.

[LanaCoFireBird]

I’ve had 4 months of minimal symptoms and smooth sailing. Altostrata mentioned a harm reduction technique to see if you could taper slightly faster (it was in one of the tapering posts). I’m going to give the 3 week taper a try using that technique and will go back to 4 weeks if I get symptoms. So I’m starting that on Thursday at the 4 week mark. 
 

i have a question: do you all take all of your doses as liquid or a mixture of solid and liquid. Right now where I am, I take a 25 mg pill and the rest of it liquid. Are there advantages to doing it all liquid?

 

 

[manymoretodays]

LanaCoFirebird,

Hey do you want to try to get to all liquid yet?

Are you making your own or getting it compounded?

Do you split your total daily dose or take it all at one time?

As I do see that the bulk of your dose now is with the 25 mg tablet.  W

The advantage to all liquid, is that it will be easier, much easier to get smaller doses as you continue tapering.

Cross over from one form of a drug to another(such as solid to liquid) OR changing the brand

 

And.  This cross over to all liquid should be done independent or apart from any tapering.

 

And yes, sometimes Alto will give the go ahead to taper at 2 week intervals, if and as tolerated.  But never by more than 10% of the last dosage.

 

Just don't over taper now.  You've come a long way from 150 mg Lamictal to 40 mg.  And as you likely recall.......the tapers at the lower dosages are much smaller and sometimes the changes or readaptation to nervous system changes(from the drug) is much greater.  No one has ever regretted tapering slowly and within the boundaries we set out there.  No one I know.

 

I hope that helps LanaCoFirebird.  And so glad it's going pretty okay to date.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

 

 

[LanaCoFireBird]

On 4/24/2023 at 12:22 PM, manymoretodays said:

LanaCoFirebird,

Hey do you want to try to get to all liquid yet?

Are you making your own or getting it compounded?

Do you split your total daily dose or take it all at one time?

As I do see that the bulk of your dose now is with the 25 mg tablet.  W

The advantage to all liquid, is that it will be easier, much easier to get smaller doses as you continue tapering.

Cross over from one form of a drug to another(such as solid to liquid) OR changing the brand

 

And.  This cross over to all liquid should be done independent or apart from any tapering.

 

And yes, sometimes Alto will give the go ahead to taper at 2 week intervals, if and as tolerated.  But never by more than 10% of the last dosage.

 

Just don't over taper now.  You've come a long way from 150 mg Lamictal to 40 mg.  And as you likely recall.......the tapers at the lower dosages are much smaller and sometimes the changes or readaptation to nervous system changes(from the drug) is much greater.  No one has ever regretted tapering slowly and within the boundaries we set out there.  No one I know.

 

I hope that helps LanaCoFirebird.  And so glad it's going pretty okay to date.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

 

 

I would love to start switching all to liquid. Thank you for sharing the link. 
I have stayed at 40 since 4/6 and will probably hold it for the near foreseeable future.  The slow tapering has been going well, life stuff has not. There’s been big life altering changes and instability not related to the taper and I need to reach out here for support. 
 

I lost my home to toxic black mold and all of my treasured possessions, I’ve been living out of bags and in air bnbs and have had a stressful scary move with so much uncertainty. 
 

worst of all, the mold has caused neuro inflammation and has caused bad  mental health symptoms, including a suicide attempt on Sunday.   inpatient psych treatment was on the table and I had fear of being put on more meds to control the acuity of what I’m going through, it’s severe. I had fear about losing control and my autonomy and psych trauma all over again. But I also need help. I can’t work and I’ve never been in that place before. 

 

 

luckiliy I’m doing intensive out patient instead, which is more therapy and less med heavy where I may have more control over my care. I am taking propranolol again and Ativan might temporarily be on the table just to get through this really hard part. I have so many conflicted feelings. I know I need to treat the health issues first and foremost to get well. I also know I’m under tremendous stress and am struggling and need acute help.  My plan with any meds I might go on is to keep it temporary.  I will not tango with any mood stabilizers or any psychotics and probably avoid ssri. I plan to hold tight on my lamictal taper.  Just freezing it. Not increasing or decreasing.

 

they might try to gaslight me  and blaming my taper for my instability and try to increase my dose. But I will fight for ll he hard work I’ve done.  Any tips on advocating for myself in intensive outpatient? I start Friday and want to stay strong and firm on my lamictal plans. 
 

the only meds I really want to tango with are anti anxiety, and just temporarily.