Willowman: moclobemide MAO and a long history of psychiatric drugs

[Willowman]

I thought I was doing better and things were pointing upward, but just now I woke up with a terrible panic attack, back full force. And I have no idea why, I didn’t introduce new medication, I had a long and nice walk yesterday, it’s christmas and I have no unpleasant experience waiting for me in the immediate future.

 

It is like this is completely out of the blue. I thought I was doing a lot better without all medication except my thyroid, smal dose of betablocker and passion flower. 
 

I am bad at counting but I have been free of psych meds (excluding melatonin and passion flower) for at least two weeks now.

 

I don’t know if anyone is still reading this but I could use some support in getting through what is probably withdrawal and a wave. It feels so much like „this is an illness and you must take meds“ which is the only thing doctors will say to me. Only the meds don’t help. I feel they have shot my nervous system over time and I hope it’s rebuildsble.

[manymoretodays]

14 hours ago, Willowman said:

I don’t know if anyone is still reading this but I could use some support in getting through what is probably withdrawal and a wave. It feels so much like „this is an illness and you must take meds“ which is the only thing doctors will say to me. Only the meds don’t help. I feel they have shot my nervous system over time and I hope it’s rebuildsble.

 

Hi Willowman,

Happy holidays!  I am reading. 

Yes, yes with time......my hope for you would be that you will heal.

14 hours ago, Willowman said:

I thought I was doing better and things were pointing upward, but just now I woke up with a terrible panic attack, back full force. And I have no idea why, I didn’t introduce new medication, I had a long and nice walk yesterday, it’s christmas and I have no unpleasant experience waiting for me in the immediate future.

 

Ummm, do you think this might be a WD symptom??  I do.  Cortisol awakenings ring a bell?  I think you will be dealing with symptoms for some time to be honest.

If you are doing fair most of the time.......wow, I think you are lucky.......I had a horrible time coming off an MAOI......way back......before I knew it was WD, and........like a rather dull compliant sheep followed doctors directions for so many years.......I didn't know......nor did they. 

 

On 12/20/2022 at 7:48 PM, Willowman said:

I am now trying to implement a strict sleep window. As yet, it doesn’t work but I hear it takes time. Function on 4 hours of sleep is hard.

 

Also, I recently notice depression increasing. Is this a possible withdrawal symptom?

 

Yup. Yup.

If or when you are feeling comfortable, do go visiting and supporting other members.......that's usually the best way to get more visitors to your thread.  And explore in Symptoms and Self Care, as well as some of the other forums.  You'll find good stuff to help you cope.  Oh, also get over to In the Media, and even to read some of the Scientific stuff.  You only need to convince yourself that this is not inherent, inborn illness of some type.

 

You do sound more relaxed Willow.  And this is good.

And I will look over your posts.  Maybe add in topics or links to topics when I have time.  Sometimes I like being a librarian of sorts.  Many hats.

 

Okay.  Best for your holidays and healing!!

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited December 24, 2022 by manymoretodays

[Willowman]

Happy holidays manymore and all here!

 

thank you very much for responding. It helps not to feel so alone.

 

I find I have a hard time fending off the thought that I need some drug to overcome this. The nights especially feel so intense and awful. Every night for almost a year this existential anxiety is torturing me. Now I understand why I often met my grandmother (who sadly isn’t here anymore to ask) in the morning and she would tell me “I couldn’t sleep so I took half a demetrin”. Which I now know is prazepam. She seems to have taken this occasionally for about 40 years! She even gave it to me on rare occasions when I couldn’t sleep as a kid. 

 

I am starting to lose hope I can ever return to some sort of normal life. Insomnia feeds the anxiety, anxiety feeds insomnia…I understand why my grandmother took her benzo. 

I know you expected withdrawal symptoms and I do have them. It doesn’t help they are mixed with so many things that can influence how I feel (thyroid disease, hormones, supplements, sertraline in spring and moclobemide in summer/fall, life stresses…). I never know what is what. I am glad they aren’t even worse, all in all I feel better off moclobemide and on passion flower than with it. But the nights, these horrible nights…

 

I also followed doctors directions for a long time. And I am miserable I did. I should have listened to my father who always said: “No drugs unless it’s life threatening”. He followed this rule for 80 years and is fit and healthy also mentally. Well as much as anyone with a severe personality disorder can be.

 

I on the other hand took that malaria medication lariam, which I know now may cause permanent psychiatric damage. I followed doctors orders and no one warned me. I would never have taken a drug with possibly permanent psychiatric aide effects had I known. I didn’t sleep for a week and had intense anxiety and panic attacks which I never had before amd which never really went away after. I guess I may have been lucky that the consequences were not even more severe.

 

I also took a regimen of accutane which I also now know may cause long term depression.

 

And then, when the psychiatric consequences or, who knows, anxiety iillness really hit I took all these other drugs all on doctors orders.

 

How I wish I could go back in time and stay away from all of them! 
 

But the past is the past and now I live with this constant depression and with the even worse anxiety. 
 

My verdict is that the medical science knows next to nothing about the psyche and the mind and the brain. Really they are at a medieval state of knowledge. And the knowledge we do have is mostly correlation and not real science. They throw stuff at you which they have no idea about (“mechanism unknown”) and for some people it works. I still say lucky people. For me it sure doesn’t work, the drugs have made things way worse. 
 

I am excepting my beta blocker here which has an understood and very simple mechanism and helps with the physical side of anxiety and therefore also with the emotions. Also I can use the lower blood pressure.

 

I also still like my passion flower as it is mild and doesn’t affect my awareness and awakeness for me (may be because I am ao used to it). I am still worried about my long term use and I plan to go off it in a year or so when I have recovered enough from sertraline and MAOI withdrawal. 
 

Supplements, I know people here are not a friend except omega 3 and magnesium both of which I take. What is the issue with Vitamin D and B12 though?

 

Also still on hormone replacement for brain and bone health. Far far too little research into this as well, but for now it seems the benefits outweigh the risks.

 

I will follow you advice to look into other people’s posts. I didn’t know members input was wanted.

 

Thank you for being there. I have no support going the drug free (or less drugs rather) route and doctors and family members clamoring I have to take them.

And I often read about and meet people saying antidepressants have helped them immensely. 

[Willowman]

Hello manymore,

 

seems you are the only one reacting to my posts now, Alto seems to have given up on me which I find sad but it’s their choice. 
 

I wanted to say that I have the feeling I am slowly, very slowly, creeping back to my normal self. Currently the days are much better, the intense panic has mostly been replaced by a few smallish anxiety attacks when I make the mistake of not immediately stopping myself from thinking about my fear issues. The nights are still a catastrophe, waking up multiple times, mostly with dread and in a cold sweat. 
 

That insomnia and dread are my main symptoms now, some days better, some days very bad still. I can’t find external reasons why some days are so very bad so I think it’s withdrawal.

 

I hope thngs will generally continue to improve next year and I wilo never take psychiatric drugs again. It’s clear they cost me a precious year of my life.

[Elaine5]

Hello, it sounds like you may be dealing with withdrawl anxiety and insomnia. 
 

I’m glad to hear you feel yourself getting back to normal, slowly. 
 

im glad! Just a word of caution, if that anxiety and insomnia should rear it’s ugly head again, I would strongly recommend not giving into potential temptation about trying meds or supplements to fix it. 
 

i did that and very quickly ended up in a serious situation I am now fighting my way back from. 
 

Hope you are feeling better and better. 

[Willowman]

Thank you! Yes the temptation is very strong. My nights are still horrible, the days are getting a bit better. Awful nighttime anxiety awakenings and insomnia make life so hard.

 

The insomnia was not there before I took sertraline in spring. I woke up a bit early due to anxiety, but I could still sleep 5-7 hours. Hah! How I wish these times were back.

[Willowman]

A quick update.

 

Currently I feel I am going backwards. I sleep very badly and have these existential anxiety attacks especially at night. 
 

The insomnia is really driving me into the ground. I wonder how much longer withdrawal insomnia will last or if this is going to be my new life.

[Willowman]

On 12/31/2022 at 12:17 AM, ElaineBenes5 said:

Hello, it sounds like you may be dealing with withdrawl anxiety and insomnia. 
 

im glad! Just a word of caution, if that anxiety and insomnia should rear it’s ugly head again, I would strongly recommend not giving into potential temptation about trying meds or supplements to fix it. 
 

i did that and very quickly ended up in a serious situation I am now fighting my way back from. 

What was your experience if I may ask?

[Elaine5]

No, it won’t be your new life. Eventually you will regain your sleep. Please do not put too much emphasis on sleep and just accept it for now. How will not die from crap sleep. I went 16 days with no appreciable sleep. Maybe a couple hours across 16 days in total. I was so scared. I wound up taking more meds and having terrible reactions to them. 
 

sleep is one of those things that we think without, we are going to die. that’s actually not the case. Little sleep is survivable. It’s uncomfortable and awful. But not worth setting yourself back, at least from my experience. 
 

[manymoretodays]

On 12/28/2022 at 8:25 PM, Willowman said:

I wanted to say that I have the feeling I am slowly, very slowly, creeping back to my normal self. Currently the days are much better, the intense panic has mostly been replaced by a few smallish anxiety attacks when I make the mistake of not immediately stopping myself from thinking about my fear issues. The nights are still a catastrophe, waking up multiple times, mostly with dread and in a cold sweat. 
 

That insomnia and dread are my main symptoms now, some days better, some days very bad still. I can’t find external reasons why some days are so very bad so I think it’s withdrawal.

 

Hey there and happiest of New Years.

No one has given up on you.

I quoted your more optimistic post.

I second the response that this may just require time and patience.

And the adoption of as many new non-drug coping skills as you find them, or those that appeal and help a bit.

I think you are doing great for coming off a MAOI rather quickly.  I do.  You will have Waves and Windows, and feel hope and then despair again.......and then hope.

 

I'm just further studying your signature and boy:

About 1997: A three weeks taking of lariam/mefloquine. Intense psychiatric side effects.

Did you or would you report this to the appropriate drug agency in your country?  U.S. is the FDA. 

Were you given the package insert at the time that you were given lariam?

Mefloquine nih article.

And then all the subsequent drugging, oh my, and........withdrawals Willowman.  I am so sorry.

 

Me, I sure would stay resolute with wanting to be as drug free now as possible.  Time, patience, and non-drug coping........support too.......make them your best friends, and believe in your capacity to heal now.

 

Mostly the cortisol stuff now, it sure sounds like.  Even that awful dread can be cortisol, as I learned.  And yes, mine is now down to a bare minimum upon awakening.....just dread, no insomnia to speak of.  So I know it might be there, and find ways to start my day to work around it, or reverse it into neutral.  Dread is a thought really or feeling.  I just sit up in bed, swing my legs over and out to the floor, and with one foot say thank you and the other foot say for today, and go on to do what is right in front of me or what is needed to begin my day.  I often feed the birds in winter.  And try to get freshened up fairly quickly......you know, face washed, teeth brushed.  If I need to be somewhere.......get my coffee(I still do a limited amount), and get ready and just go.

Morning meditations are nice.  Journaling my way out of it.  I'm guessing you know many drills even already to approach a dread mood.  Getting outdoors.  Getting natural sunlight and a "happy lite" for darker winter months is not a bad idea.

 

This might help understand the reverse, cortisol in WD......a little better.  And then just the effect on changing neurotransmitters in general that these types of drugs do, and then waiting for the restoration to your factory settings :

High Cortisol and SSRI's

 

Call me pollyanna, but I don't believe anything is permanent and it surely has helped my healing/recovery journey.

 

Early morning waking-managing the morning cortisol spike

 

Why morning is so much worse?

 

Tips to help sleep: so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

Sleep and withdrawal tips

Reset your sleep pattern

 

And then go through the indexed list in the first post here:

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Beware of neuroemotions too.  Don't let them rule your days and nights.

Can you walk?  Do some movement and creative expression?

 

I'm still reading and awaiting your healing further.  I think it will happen, if you let it......and hang in here.  Take breaks from the forum or other places when you need to.  But I can't wait to hear you in a years time, or even longer.......as you recognize improvements.  And you'll see some before a year passes too.  Be a turtle.  Plod forward.  Slide back a tiny bit......and then plod forward once again.

 

Okay.  Cheering you on.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

 

Edited January 3, 2023 by manymoretodays

[Willowman]

On 1/3/2023 at 4:38 AM, ElaineBenes5 said:

No, it won’t be your new life. Eventually you will regain your sleep. Please do not put too much emphasis on sleep and just accept it for now.
 

sleep is one of those things that we think without, we are going to die. that’s actually not the case. Little sleep is survivable

 

 

I don’t doubt it is short term but I have had to do with absolutely too little sleep for a year now! And one of my greatest fears is dementia…doesn’t help…

 

Still I have no choice. My body just wont sleep. I can fall asleep alright most nights and I am grateful - I had worse - but I will relentlessly wake up with big time anxiety in the night and not be able to go back to sleep.

 

And the temptation to try out medication in order to be helped finally is so great. But I know it will hurt more than it helps in the long run. Still, it’s almost like a hope addiction.

 

Thank you for your support. It helps so much to hear others came out of this.

[Willowman]

On 1/3/2023 at 5:41 AM, manymoretodays said:

 

 

I second the response that this may just require time and patience.

And the adoption of as many new non-drug coping skills as you find them, or those that appeal and help a bit.

 

it is so so hard to have patience when this has been going on for a year almost and I am by now so sensitive to the feelings of anxiety, nervousness etc. What didn’t overmuch bother me before now does. I feel like I am walking a nightmare.

On 1/3/2023 at 5:41 AM, manymoretodays said:

I think you are doing great for coming off a MAOI rather quickly.  I do.  You will have Waves and Windows, and feel hope and then despair again.......and then hope.

 

 

i can only trust you are right

 

On 1/3/2023 at 5:41 AM, manymoretodays said:

I'm just further studying your signature and boy:

About 1997: A three weeks taking of lariam/mefloquine. Intense psychiatric side effects.

Did you or would you report this to the appropriate drug agency in your country?  U.S. is the FDA. 

Were you given the package insert at the time that you were given lariam?

Mefloquine nih article.

And then all the subsequent drugging, oh my, and........withdrawals Willowman.  I am so sorry.

 

No one ever taught me about withdrawal and I never suspected a lot of my problems may be due to it. I was really left in the cold. I would report this, but the timeframe has long passed and back then I didn’t know about such reports nor did I have internet access. I was given a package insert but it only mentioned mefloquine could cause „transient depression“. Ha ha to this. I believe it hurt something in my brain permanently.

 

 

On 1/3/2023 at 5:41 AM, manymoretodays said:

 

Me, I sure would stay resolute with wanting to be as drug free now as possible.  Time, patience, and non-drug coping........support too.......make them your best friends, and believe in your capacity to heal now.

 

 

Do you have any support suggestions besides this page? I feel I need a lot more suooort but actually I am running out as psychiatrist is annoyed I won’t take drugs and psychologists are annoyed my anxiety and insomnia are not improving.

On 1/3/2023 at 5:41 AM, manymoretodays said:

Mostly the cortisol stuff now, it sure sounds like.  Even that awful dread can be cortisol, as I learned.  And yes, mine is now down to a bare minimum upon awakening.....just dread, no insomnia to speak of.  So I know it might be there, and find ways to start my day to work around it, or reverse it into neutral.  Dread is a thought really or feeling.  I just sit up in bed, swing my legs over and out to the floor, and with one foot say thank you and the other foot say for today, and go on to do what is right in front of me or what is needed to begin my day

That’s a good technique. It’s a bit hard at my usual 1-2 am. One thing I have learned, though, is not to try to go to sleep while anxious. It will only put my fear into overdrive. So I am awake all night? Ok. Cannot be helped. I distract myself until it is morning.

On 1/3/2023 at 5:41 AM, manymoretodays said:

Beware of neuroemotions too.  Don't let them rule your days and nights.

Can you walk?  Do some movement and creative expression?

 

I move a lot, too anxious to sit still anyway. Creativity could be improved though. 
 

Yes, I believe this dread and nervousness is a neuroemotion. My brain attaches something to it (fear of death, fesr of dementia) which kind of is a long time fear thought but something I can deal with when this emotion isn’t present. It feels like it is  not really part of me if that makes sense? Sort of an insert into my psyche. 
 

hopefully it won’t last for much longer

Since I know you are interested I will certainly post updates!

 

I am glad I am mostly better in the daytime at least. Sometimes I will still get oanic attacks, or anxiety attacks, mostly if I exert myself or eat loads of sugar or similar, but usually after 9am or so I am all right. Sadly by evening I can’t really enjoy the better times because I will be so immensely tired.

 

I have introduced something new in my supplements. Arginine and citruline, both of which were shown to be deficient in a blood panel. I plan to do that for a few weeks, no sense to leave a deficiency unattended. I don’t think this has any psychological effect though.

 

Also deficient was tryptophane. Do you think it would be useful to supplement that? That is something that does have psychological effects.

 

thank you so so much for help and support!

 

 

 

On 1/3/2023 at 5:41 AM, manymoretodays said:

.  But I can't wait to hear you in a years time, or even longer.......as you recognize improvements.  

[Willowman]

Btw tryptophan, deficient or not, doesn’t seem to help at all and I feel it may even make things worse. I have taken it in the evening for two days and the night before was already bad and tonight is even worse.

[Willowman]

Oh - how awful. I am having one of those really terrible nights again where I can’t even fall asleep and the anxiety is so sky high I don’t know what to do. I am sweaty all  over and tired, overtired even, but I can’t let go into sleep because of the anxiety. I feel I am going insane.

It may be a wave. Or it could be the melatonin/tryptophan I tried for sleep. Or that I had sushi last night. Or all of this. I love sushi, but something in it used to cause me headaches and I think this has changed to anxiety.

I also changed my estradiol application to one in the morning and one at night since I feel the cream makes me tired for two hours or so and then feel better (I think…it’s hard to tell). And last night, I couldn’t keep my eyes open before the telly meaning I fell asleep at a weird time and then was woken up by my family going to bed, fell asleep again soonish but I applied the cream first in a half daze and I think I took too little. 
 

This is something I am really suffering from: Falling asleep too early, but only a short time and then spending a terrible night. 
 

Oh I just want this existential dread to go away! It is so so torture! I want to sleep again.

 

Everything is so much better on the very few nights I get around six hours sleep.

[Willowman]

Insomniac city again tonight and too tense to sleep or do relaxation exercises.

 

Question: What do people here think about CBD oil for symptoms management?

[Willowman]

Siiigh. Again with a wakeful and anxious night. I feel if ai could sleep again, everything would be going upwards, but this insomnia is making it impossible 

[Willowman]

Is anyone still here? I feel I am really crashing down under a wave right now. I sleep worse than ever and this existential anxiety is in absolute overdrive. It’s been two months since I went off moclobemide and the short trial of agomelantine. Is it normal to crash down only that late?

 

 

[Elaine5]

Hey buddy, 

yes, debated reactions and developing evolving symptoms are common in withdrawl I Believe. In my experience, this is true. 
 

i had a very delayed withdraw and or reaction to every psych med I’ve ever taken. 
 

ita 3am by me and I am up, uncomfortable, anxious, scared. And I’m on a asleep med! 
 

you are not alone. You will sleep soundly again. It sucks for now. Are you able to at least be comfortable and still, calm at night when you can’t sleep? Sometimes that is enough to do something towards rest. 
 

The other night I slept for 9 hours!!! That was a win, but rare. So yih never know when you’ll get some windows of sleep. Please take care 

[Willowman]

Thank you so much for replying. I feel alone in this.

 

Yes this anxious insomnia is hell. I can’t lie still and relax my anxiety is too high. I have to do things or I will slide into panic. Unfortunately that means severe sleep deprivation 

[Willowman]

Another terrible night. Woke up and was already in a state of blind panic. I am starting to have memory issues, too, no wonder with all that sleep deprivation, making me afraid this is dementia already setting in. This morning/night I didn’t know really what day it is and what day I should take my levithyroxine from in my pill bos.

[Willowman]

Ok, sadly I think no one is reading this. Thank you so much for your support, manymoredays and others! I think it’s useless to post more.

 

I am not well by far and my doctor has given up, not least because I don’t respond to antidepressants like he would like me to. Instead of blaming the med, he blames me.

[Elaine5]

Hello, you last took a psych med on Dec 10th? Did you continue tapering the MAOI or stop it abruptly? 
 

It took my a very long time, and about a dozen more mistakes and crashes, to comprehend how slowly our systems heal. And then to ACCEPT that it is going to take a long time takes time on its own too. But the sooner you accept that, the better, becaue then you aren’t fighting against the process and thinking that there is something to DO or change, which may only make things harder, as I have learned. 
 

It has been a month perhaps, my friend. That is not long enough. 
 

Please be patient, check out the success stories, the valuable coping suggestions here in symptoms/self care, if it helps you to post than maybe post in the insomnia thread, etc. Perhaps speaking with a therapist about how this is effecting you emotionally might help. 
 

We wish that someone had an answer to these problems and the truth is there is an answer: time. Sometimes it takes a while to fully process that. Like I said, I did. 
 

Take solace in the fact that many have had severe sleep disruptions and gotten better over time. It doesn’t help your sleep now to know that, but it may help you be hopeful as you wait it out. 
 

Unless the mods have a recommendation about tapering or reinstating, there isn’t much else to be said. That’s why sometimes it’s nice to hear from other people on here who are just rooting for you. I’m rooting for you!

[Willowman]

Thank you! I guess what I really need is exactly that. Someone who knows to tell me it will be better.

 

Not only do I have this extreme sleep disruption (tonight only 30 mins apiece) but I am living in dread. To be fair, it’s why I took the meds in the first place, but it’s much worse now. And started to be unbearable with the sertraline. I was tense and woke up occasionally with fear of the war before I took it. Now I wake up every single night fearing the end of my existence (whenever it happens) which is much much harder to bear and waking up 2-8 times a night!

 
A year of this almost. 
 

There are better and worse phases but altogether I don’t see a lot of improvement.

 

I have started taking lemon balm tincture and lavendar oil. It does seem to help a bit so I am at least inly fearful and not in panic.

[Elaine5]

There is always hope tomrrow may be better. In all honesty, it will probably take a while to feel  lasting improvement. So if you aren’t seeing it yet, I think that’s pretty common for people here. 
 

It will be better in time. 

[manymoretodays]

On 1/20/2023 at 2:29 PM, Willowman said:

Ok, sadly I think no one is reading this. Thank you so much for your support, manymoredays and others! I think it’s useless to post more.

 

I am not well by far and my doctor has given up, not least because I don’t respond to antidepressants like he would like me to. Instead of blaming the med, he blames me.

 

Eh, it's not useless.  Are you still seeing a psychiatrist then?  What would you expect from one who wholeheartedly believes in their pharmacology? 
Why put yourself through this?  With a doctor like this.

 

Can you find something like a life coach or therapist or someone outside the system to help you along a bit?

 

Can you begin to believe that you will heal and get well?  It might require a huge leap in faith for you, and a lot of practice with your self talk and then self blame that gets fed by your ? "caregiver doctor".

 

Oooh.  It often is worse before one turns the corner.

 

On 1/20/2023 at 6:50 PM, Willowman said:

There are better and worse phases but altogether I don’t see a lot of improvement.

 

I have started taking lemon balm tincture and lavendar oil. It does seem to help a bit so I am at least inly fearful and not in panic.

 

Did you get yourself set with the Omega 3's and magnesium?  I'm almost sure I've linked you up to those topics......so scroll up to see and then maybe you'll find other areas in symptoms and self care and non-drug coping to explore too.

 

Yay.....not in panic all the time.  That's good.  I only wish for you that you find some practices within you too......that begin to help too.  I'm waiting for you to do that and report more positives when that starts to happen.

 

Practice with your typed words a little even Willowman.......being less prone to dread and doomsday thinking.........it has always worked for me anyway.......I can sometimes type or write my way into a more positive dimension, when I need to.  I mean there is a fair amount of negative in the world and all, but when I need to balance......it can work for me, to shift.  Find ways to shift.  I'm guessing you have some.

 

Just motherly guidance today.  Glad you are posting Willowman.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

And many thanks for EB5, too for coming by and supporting and coaching a bit @ElaineBenes5

Edited January 25, 2023 by manymoretodays

[Willowman]

Hi,

 

I wanted to give you an update.

 

yes I still see a psychiatrist because I want his prescription for ergotherapy which helps me - I just throw away the prescription for the antidepressant 

 

I am on lavendar oil, my mini dose beta blocker and hormone replacement therapy now as well as omega 3 and magnesium glycinate. A little D3/K2 because it’s the dark season and I was very depleted not long ago.

 

Nothing else except herbal teas. I stopped the passion flower weeks ago as well.

 

I still experience waves and also windows. All in all, I have pretty awful nights and some bad days. Going is slow. I get acupuncture and therapy. I can tell its neuroemotions because it follows the clock and also comes and goes independently of events. Stress of all kinds makes it worse tho.

 

I also get coaching. My savings are going down but health is more important than anything.

 

Your idea about writing is solid. I am about to get me a good journal and try write down what is good around me daily.

 

I am grateful you all pushed me to stop this crazy med rollecoaster. When in a window like now I can see how much better life could be.

[Willowman]

Oh and melatonin. Doesn’t seem to work too well, though - I am writing this at 1,30 am. Anxious and awake as always.

[Willowman]

Feeling absolutely devastated again. This was a nightmare of a night. Headache, insomnia, anxiety attacks..l

 

I am back to wondering if I will ever sleep again, if I will ever feel good again.

[Elaine5]

Remember you have had windows and know what feeling better is like. 
 

you will feel better again. You will sleep normal again. 
 

Believe it. 

[littlebird]

2 hours ago, ElaineBenes5 said:

Remember you have had windows and know what feeling better is like. 
 

you will feel better again. You will sleep normal again. 
 

Believe it. 

 

Good advice, I'm going to remember this for my own rough times! As tough as some stages have been, every storm runs out of rain eventually, and everything in life changes.

 

@Willowman, I'm so sorry you're not sleeping! Hope you have relief very soon.

[Willowman]

On 2/7/2023 at 5:28 AM, ElaineBenes5 said:

Remember you have had windows and know what feeling better is like. 
 

you will feel better again. You will sleep normal again. 
 

Believe it. 

Thank you. I still have hope. Actually one of my main issues is I never give up even if it’s hopeless^^ which causes immense stress and anxiety if you deal with existential fear like me but is good in nearly every other aspect of life.

 

I dimly remember feeling better. Here is to hoping those days will finally come.

[Willowman]

On 2/7/2023 at 8:08 AM, littlebird said:

 

Good advice, I'm going to remember this for my own rough times! As tough as some stages have been, every storm runs out of rain eventually, and everything in life changes.

 

@Willowman, I'm so sorry you're not sleeping! Hope you have relief very soon.

Yea not sleeping is the pits. That isn’t better at all. I wonder if its broken but I hope not. If only I weren’t anxious to boot at night. Hopefully that will go away one day.

[Embi]

Hi Willowman, I found your thread whilst looking for someone who has had similar symptoms to me (existential dread + anxiety, obsession with death and existence) since I don’t see them mentioned often here. I think these are the worst symptoms I’ve experienced so far. How are things for you at the moment?

[Willowman]

I am sorry you are going through the same thing. It’s really hard. I had some success with strict stress reducing strategies and magnesium. I am still not well though and have very bad phases especially when stressed.

[Embi]

Thank you for replying, I hope you’re having an easier day today. I’m concerned because I’m in a very stressful period of life right now with no way out but through. Oh well.
 

Are you having windows and waves? At the moment I have these symptoms at different levels pretty much all the time. 

[Dee12h]

How are you doing now?